89 Ways to Keep Your Wife’s Love – Guaranteed

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Ways to keep the love alive

These suggestions come from a lecture by Sheikh Ahmad Shehab, who mentioned 60 ways to keep your spouse’s love. The video seems to be no longer online, but a few brothers and sisters took the the time to write out the points he mentioned, may Allah reward them, and it’s been commented on in a few places, including MuslimMatters.org.

On MuslimMatters the readers added 29 more suggestions, bringing the total to 89. Have you got any more? Comment!

Keep in mind that these are just the Sheikh’s suggestions. You may not agree with some, and you might have many other ideas that he did not come up with. The Sheikh also said that it is not necessary to know every one of the 60, but you should aim to be a champion.

I do think that if you use this list as a starting point and begin implementing some of the ideas, it can only result in good effects and increased happiness for your marriage, Insha’Allah. So here you go:

1. Make her feel secure and sakinah – don’t threaten her with divorce
2. Give sincere salaams
3. Treat her gently – like a fragile vessel
4. Advise in private, at the best time, in the best way and atmosphere
5. Be generous with her
6. Warm the seat for her, you will warm her heart
7. Avoid anger, keep wudu at all times
8. Look good and smell great for your wife
9. Don’t be rigid or harsh-hearted or you will be broken
10. Be a good listener
11. Yes for flattery, No for arguing
12. Call your wife with the best names, cute nicknames, names she loves to hear
13. Utilize pleasant surprises
14. Preserve and guard the tongue
15. Expect, accept, and overlook her shortcomings
16. Give sincere compliments
17. Encourage her to keep good relations with her family
18. Speak about topics that interest her
19. Express to her relatives, how wonderful she is
20. Give each other gifts
21. Get rid of routine, surprise her
22. Have a good opinion of each other
23. Have good manners, overlook small things, don’t nitpick
24. Add a drop of patience, increase drops during pregnancy, menses
25. Expect and respect her jealously
26. Be humble
27. Sacrifice your happiness for hers
28. Help at home and with housework
29. Help her love your relatives, but don’t try to force her
30. Let her know that she is the ideal wife for you
31. Remember your wife in dua
32. Leave the past for Allah subhanahu wa ta ala, don’t dwell on, dig into, or bring it up.
33. Don’t act as if you are doing her a favor by working or providing, Allah is the Provider, the husband is the carrier of the sustenance to the family
34. Take shaytaan as your enemy, not your wife
35. Put food in your wife’s mouth
36. Treat your wife like she is the most precious pearl that you want to protect
37. Show her your smile
38. Don’t ignore the small things, deal with them before they become big
39. Avoid being harsh-hearted
40. Respect and show that you appreciate her thinking
41. Help her to find and build her inner strengths and skills
42. Respect that she might not be in mood for intimacy, stay within halal boundaries
43. Help her take care of the children
44. Give her gifts with your tongue, be an artist with your compliments
45. Sit down and eat meals together
46. Let her know that you will be traveling or returning from travel, give her sufficient notice
47. Don’t leave home in anger
48. Maintain the secrecy and privacy of the home
49. Encourage each other in ibaadat
50. Respect and fulfill her rights upon you
51. Live with her in kindness, goodness, fairness in good and bad times
52. Kiss your wife, foreplay, “Don’t jump on her like a bull”
53. Keep disputes between the two of you, don’t take it outside
54. Show care for her health and well-being
55. Remember you are not always right or perfect yourself
56. Share your happiness and sadness with her
57. Have mercy for her weaknesses
58. Be a firm support for her to lean on
59. Accept her as is, she is a package deal
60. Have a good intention for her

Muslim Matters readers added (special mention Khawla Hurayrah):

Two white flowers61. During Ramadhan, 6 days of Shawwal, Mondays & Thursdays etc. wake up well before fajr and prepare a special wholesome suhoor for her
62. Feed her the suhoor you made for her63. Designate a nice, clean, spacious area in your home for the 2 of you to pray at night whenever you can. Keep it smelling nice and fresh with incense etc.

63. Designate a nice, clean, spacious area in your home for the 2 of you to pray at night whenever you can. Keep it smelling nice and fresh with incense etc.
64. Women love flowers. Make her something special, a decorative jewelry case or even a poem. Then get a bunch of rose petals and make a trail of them on the floor – leading to the gift you made for her.
65. Make a short song about how she looks as radiant as the moon and mention what a beautiful and special creature she is. Sing it to her acapella. The more horrible your voice is, the better
66. Teach the wife the famous long hadith of A’ishah RH about Umm Zarr.
67. Give her a nice massage when she least expects it.
68. Send your wife a text message out of the blue with a message of love
69. Send your wife an email without a reason
70. Go out on a date (yes dates WITH YOUR WIFE are HALAL after marriage!) monthly or set up some schedule and follow it religiously, WITHOUT the kids.
71. Plan a get-away for a weekend in a nice location, preferably without kids (may be stuck with infants).
72. Do something for your wife’s family, whether it is a gift, or a chat with her teen brother who needs mentoring, or whatever. It will get you LOTS of brownie points.
73. If the husband needs to give her advice of something delicate, tell her with wisdom, good timing and when she is in good health without the woes of menses.
74. Do not keep reminding and demanding your rights all the time. Ibn Abbas reported to having said: “I fear Allah from demanding my rights from my wife for I worry that I will not be able to fulfill mine of hers”
75. Open the door for her and help carry her humongous ‘Coach’ or Target bags.
76. Shop groceries for her and call her from the store and ask her what she needs for the home, for herself or for her to give to people as gifts.
77. Ask her if she would like to invite her sister-friends over for ladies get together dinner and cook for them too!!!
78. Continue with her practice of giving gifts to her parents and siblings. Ask her what she thinks they might be in need of. Only if one can afford it.
79. Help her parents pay off debt or if they are ill. Send her poor relatives some money every year in Ramadhan and also for them to sacrifice for Udhiah during Eid ul Adha. Or even offer to send them to make Hajj if one can afford it.
80. Write love notes or poems and place them in the book she’s been reading for her to find. Also place them in her jacket pocket or drawer.
81. If the wife tell the husband something that she had just learned from the Qur’an or hadith book, do not dismiss her or ridicule her effort, instead listen to her and take her word.
82. Hey, why not take her for Hajj or Umrah if this have not been performed yet, better than Coach bags.
83. Plant her a rose garden!!! Or better plant her a kitchen garden with all kind of herbs she needs for cooking.
84. Adopt a kitten for her if she likes animal (only if one knows how to care for cats)
85. Get her a new car to replace her old problematic banger; or take her car for maintenance and wash it too.
86. Upgrade her pc or lap-top to a new version with bigger memory; or upgrade her cell phone to the one with itunes and download her favorite Surah recitors.
87. Learn to do special massage technique and surprise her with your new expertise. (This one was mentioned during the TDC lecture for sisters only program)
88. Teach your children some relevant Islamic etiquettes pertaining to respecting and honoring their mother.
89. Be humorous with her when she made a mistake in the kitchen, like putting too much salt or burning her baking. And never ever threaten her that you’ll take a second wife.

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Husband and Wife Relationship Tips

9 Comments

  1. this was soooooooooo wonderful kash my husband was like this

  2. May Allah grant all of us sisters a husband with such a loving and compassionate character – as was Muhammed(pbuh). And may we sisters be able to give genuine love and compassion in return Insh’Allah.

    Such a marriage would be granted only through Allah(swt)’s Mercy.

  3. Mashallah, this article is soooooooo sweet, beautiful, wonderful etcetera and personally think that it should be in a manual/book/guide of some sort and gifted to all new husbands on their wedding day and vice versa to all the brides :) My favourates were numbers 89,83,80,75(lool, love the humour), 71 & 65 (are also funny) and all the other points. I also think that any females who are also reading this article can also do the same things to their husband as these tips can be applied towards each other between a husband and wife. I’m definitely going to send the links to most of my friends who are in serious need of help though they may not need it until they ‘actually’ get married and not doing the present-day pathetic ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ haraam thing which most are going through (and not succeeding too whilst they’re at it and wasting away their own time, modest-wise, dignity-wise and self-respect-wise; they should wait for marriage i tell them, but they dont listen :/ oh well i hope they get sense out of this though…

    • Yes, I enjoyed this one too. I think it’s a great idea to put it in a manual for all new husbands and wives! Along with the manual for all new parents, lol.

  4. assalamualaikum! i am a newly married male (only got marriage contract) still not practical. i think its enough for my introduction. here one thing i want to mention that i am not telling a lie. i really like these rosy affectionate sentences. my these confesses will let you focus on the illusions that i am going to mention in the following sentences.. i request http://www.zawaj.com to guide a new husband & wives in the light of pure islamic ways (Quran, Hadith, Ijma, Fiqha etc.) of asking to the wives & husband about each other’s rights (————-) because in the early teenages we are bombarded by the western kind of exposure about sexual intercourse between sexe(s). it’ll be very kind of you. may ALLAH give you AJR-E-AZEEM for paving a street with full islamic flowers at frings for your brothers like me & sisters. AMEEN wa Assalamualaikum

  5. Assalamualaikum Warehmatullahi Wabarakaatuhu

    Masha-Allah brother.

    May Allah reward you with the best of this world and the Hereafter, give you the strength to keep this website operating Islamically and make it a source of knowledge for others.

    Jazak-Allah khair wa ahsanul jaza

    Thank you

  6. i love the article.

  7. It is best website keep it up.allah yegzkum.
    I am not get married but i need to read more about marrage before i get merried.and it is good article thank you.

  8. may Allah subhanah-hu wa ta’alah give wife that will respect islam and one she is sitting with.

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