American Muslim Women Complain of Lack of Good Suitors

Muslim women university graduates in Iran

Muslim university graduates. Is the opportunity for marriage passing them by?

Southern California InFocus
First printed Saturday, 07 June 2008

A Few Good Men: American Muslim women bemoan lack of “good” male suitors

Afaf*, 25, has been searching for a husband for a solid two years to no avail.

“All my friends were getting married by the age of 22, so, naturally, I wanted to be part of the “wedding club,” she recalls. “And, of course, there was this romantic notion that it would be the love story of love stories.”

Afaf started feeling the pressure as her friends talked endlessly about wedding dresses, halal caterers and honeymoons, even though she had not been planning on getting married while in college.

“For whatever reason, getting married seemed to be the only, if not main, goal they strived for,” she says. “So, I felt I had to have this goal as well, and felt lacking among my friends that I was not married upon completion of my undergraduate studies.”

Thus began her search after graduating from college. When suitors came knocking, Afaf was surprised at the mediocrity of the suitors available and was left wondering, “Where are all the ‘good guys’?”

Afaf, now a first-year law student, is one of thousands of American Muslim women between the ages of 25 and 30 struggling to find a decent suitor. Educated, pious, beautiful and accomplished, these women should have a gaggle of like-minded men waiting outside their doors. Unfortunately, the few, if any, men who approach these women appear less than satisfactory.

“I tend to meet two types [of men],” says Maryam*, 28, who has also been searching for a mate since college. “The first is the practicing Muslim brother who has his act together, but unfortunately has some really incompatible ideas about women and gender roles. The second type I meet is progressive and open-minded and is truly looking for a partner in life, but is not a practicing Muslim.”

“For me,” Afaf says, “a good man is someone who lives a balanced life between Western and Eastern culture, giving precedence to religion.”

Being Seen as a Maid and a Cook

The lack of noteworthy male suitors is a topic frequently discussed between female friends. Muslim women are frustrated with the options left, and many are worried that their degrees and careers are getting in the way of meeting Mr. Right.

“We’ve been pushing young women to get educated and to get jobs, and now they’re being penalized for their ambition,” according to Munira Ezzeldine, author of “Before the Wedding: 150 Questions for Muslims to Ask Before Getting Married.”

“However, while these men are impressed with a successful and active woman, they do not consider her ‘marriage material,'” Ezzeldine adds. “Despite the elevation of women, many men have maintained traditional ideas as to the type of wife they seek. After all, they do not see anything wrong with the way their mother was.”

“I recently had a suitor who told me he would be willing to help me [around the house] by not making a mess,” Afaf recalls, adding he also told her she should not use her job as an excuse to ask him to help out at home.

“Furthermore, if he comes home from work hungry, I guess that would mean I would have to work part-time in order to have dinner prepared and ready when he comes home. I think that is the most frustrating aspect of being a female, only to be seen as a maid and a cook,” she says.

While Women are in University, the Men Move On

Dr. Maher Hathout, spokesman for the Islamic Center of Southern California, agrees. “Men are being programmed by their parents to look for a specific kind of woman: submissive, comforting, shy, and obedient,” he says. “The reality is that women are educated and looking to be comrades in marriage.”

The marriage crisis materializes when these women in their late 20s and early 30s become settled in their careers or studies and seem like less desirable options to men because they will not bend into this traditional role. While these women work on their personal goals, young Muslim men appear to give up on them and marry from “back home” or marry non-Muslims, making the pool of suitors even smaller.

“Education is becoming a sore point for the girls because the guy moves on,” says Shaikh Sadullah Khan, executive director of Religious Affairs at the Islamic Center of Irvine. “Our immigrant community has this mentality that our kid must graduate first, and for the girl, we’re stressing graduation versus marriage.”

Indeed, a startling number of young Muslim women are finding themselves scrambling to find a husband before reaching their 30s and possibly never marrying. Many accomplished and educated young women end up lowering their standards for the sake of avoiding lifelong loneliness.

“Unless this crisis is addressed seriously, honestly and scientifically, it will lead to the disintegration of our community through a dilution of the next generation Islamically, a sudden revolt against marriage by women or a decrease in self-esteem among wives who lowered their standards just to marry,” Hathout warns.

One young Muslim bachelor still searching for a spouse shares his take on the seeming lack of “good guys” on his weblog, “Marriage & Islam: The Quest for the Sweet One.”

In the post, Quest, as he is called to maintain anonymity, states that the worthiest bachelors start looking for a spouse when they are in their early 20s to “satisfy their built-in, intense desire for women. … And this desire is always there, in the back of every man’s mind since puberty, like a ticking [bomb].”

These young, pious men begin looking for a wife, Quest reasons, who is closest to their age, basically, 19 to 21 years old.

“And what are these ‘good, smart ambitious girls’ doing when they’re in that age range?” Quest writes. “They’re also busy working on their education” and aren’t considering marriage. Or those who are considering marriage may be in a different location, so the two never meet, and the bachelors get fed up and marry from back home, he says.

Essentially, Quest emphasizes that the lack of a meeting forum is at the heart of the issue.

“I think that is the BIGGEST problem Muslims are scattered all over the country, and we’re not well connected. It’s hard to identify, know about, and meet the families of all the ‘good girls’ in a major metropolitan city, let alone the country,” he explains. “We put all these obstacles between faithful Muslim guys and girls, that I think even a Muslim Tom Cruise would have a hard time marrying!”

With the current circumstances at hand, Ezzeldine advises young women to plan realistically.

“You have to realize that you can’t have it all,” she says. “It’s not going to be a fairy-tale where you excel at school, work 40-hour weeks, and marry a perfect guy. If you want to focus on a job or a higher degree, know that you might not have time to meet people.”

Quest echoes this sentiment by clarifying that women shouldn’t have to give up their goals, but should realize that in doing so, they are taking a risk.

“The longer they delay marriage in favor of education, the less [number of ] eligible men they’ll meet once they’re ready for marriage,” he says. “And marriage and education are not necessarily conflicting. With the right husband, both can continue. It’s definitely a topic that should be brought up when considering a potential husband,” he adds.

Dr. Hathout also favors a path that allows for both education and marriage to flourish simultaneously.

“We need to change the current family model into one that builds the self, the family, and each other at the same time,” he says. “Think of marriage as a tennis match you want to play doubles, not singles, to win. In other words, struggle together and build your empire together. You are ready for marriage as long as you can get food on the table and a roof over your head, and there’s a potentiality for growth,” he stresses.

The Prophet’s (pubh) Marriage to Khadijah

Ezzeldine draws on the life of the Prophet Muhammad for guidance, specifically the example of his relationship with Khadijah.

“The Prophet’s first wife, Khadijah, was an established career woman who was 15 years older than her husband,” Ezzeldine says. “Khadijah was a very confident and successful woman who actually proposed to the 24-year-old Muhammad. Yet, the Prophet was not intimidated by her nor found her “unmarriageable.” They maintained a strong marriage as she continued to be a businesswoman, as well as wife and mother.”

Ezzeldine goes on to remind Muslims that Prophet Muhammad and Khadijah were married for 28 years, the longest of all his marriages.

“Many Muslim women seek not to compete with men, but rather to establish a partnership with their spouse,” she continues. “Ultimately, these women want to be cherished and loved in the same way that the Prophet loved Khadijah. This type of partnership in marriage can only exist when both people are accepting and respectful of one another’s ambitions and priorities in life.”

Afaf has not given up searching for Mr. Right, but meanwhile uses school as a welcome distraction.

“I used to be obsessed about marriage until I entered law school,” she says. “Pursuing my graduate studies has really allowed me to learn a lot about myself and to focus on things that matter. It is very sad to see girls who are 22 and depressed as to why they are not married. I have no problem with a woman who chooses to be a wife and a mother, but I do have problem if she believes that is all she can be or doesn’t define herself as accomplished until she attains her MRS. Degree.”

* Names have been changed.

What do you think? Are you a Muslim woman who has had trouble finding a good man? Are you a man who has chosen a “traditional” woman over a career woman?

Comments are welcome!

Tagged as: , , , ,

Finding a Match

33 Comments

  1. Well, i think the solution is simple- educated women need to be more open minded and less fussy! One solution could involve looking at other muslim men outside your race/community!

    • Iman, I agree. Unfortunately it seems that when some women say there are no good candidates out there, what they means is that there are no good men from their culture, with advanced degrees, making good money, handsome and in great physical shape, religious but not overly so, knowing how to cook, willing to share in the chores, love kids, kind, funny, sensitive, and will write her love poetry on her birthday. And guys want a woman who is religious, pious, submissive, but also beautiful and sexy, a great cook, never complains, will massage their feet when they get home and listen to all their boring work stories as if they are the most fascinating fairy tales.

      Unrealistic expectations all around.

  2. Assalaamu A’laikum everyone.
    I would like to disagree with Dr. Hathout and those who write think and strive in this vane. And I’ll get straight to the point. By all our so-called modern standards, sophisticated technology, and scientific social statusfpheres; We forget that Khadija-ra-married down her status and even had the nerve to marry her employee-SAW-.and this before the revelation. So we can’t give it the devine attribute we love to give to those people called prophets and the hearchy of human examples as something we can not attain too. we must submit that the person your looking for may not have the money part, the good looks part, or the intense of the deen part, you can find that person who posses what you need to get to the best of the hareafter; in-that they have that partthat is good for you though you may feel is bad for you. We must stop underestimating the higher morals of islam in exchange for the base materialism associated with the perfect couple.
    May Allah guide us and give us us all that perfect spouse for us, Ameen

    Rafiq
    CT.

  3. Clearly I feel its the other way around…. Its more difficult to meet decent women in this day and age who while being educated after a certain point still accept Islam in practice and truth as their religion. The most adverse effect of education on young muslim women is that they have been unable to balance it and I know many that have lost their way during ‘college years’. From my own experience either the girl becomes too liberal after being educated and unwilling to accept Islam or she hasnt been educated beyond a certain point and lives under the impressions that her parents have set forth for her.The balance in the Ummah is whats missing, that people have been unable to meet the requirements of a globalised world without compromising on their core beliefs.

  4. Good article. Shaadi and marriage is a sensitive subject and it takes time to find the right match.

  5. Honestly….it’s hard, because we all suppose to be muslim first; arabs, Indians, Pakis, Black, or White, next. Sadly parents sometimes get in the way simply because of race, or social status of the suitors….Some doctor’s daughters have to marry from Doctors or Lawyers family. I mean it’s understandable that no father wants to see his daughter struggling to pay bills…but some very good men aren’t given a chance simply because they only have associate degree!!….and their parents are low class citizens.

    Another thing is greed. Those extremely high bride prices. I mean you know this gentleman only makes $25000 a year, and you ask for $20,000 mahr? really?…and on top of that you want a wedding costing $10,000?.

    I gotta be honest no matter how much I love someone and want to marry her…as soon as she mentions that ridiculous amount she knows is too much for me, my heart closes right away. Because that shows inconsiderateness. I have done it before, and i believe many men have. Come on people….be reasonable! We need eachother! lets meet somewhere in the middle.

  6. Wake up people!!! Marriage shouldn’t be a hard thing. We all have been as humans doing it since the beginning of time. First of all, we spend way too much time reading and talking about the ideal marriage partner, the one who will be perfect in every way. This of course does not exist. We need to accept that people are humans and make mistakes. I know what Talal said also but for Muslim women losing their beliefs, we forget that Muslim men do. Education does not do that. It is raising and also temptation of course.

    First of all, for Muslim men, we need to be men of course. Being a man does not mean being insecure. Being a man does not mean living in an ideal fantasy world. Being a man is engaging with the world as it is. Yes, none of us our perfect and we are far from being ideal Muslims. But we are humans and make mistakes. We need to engage with the world as it is rather than making ideals that do not exist. Slowly and steadily we can make the world better one small thing at a time. By the way, many of the cultures do not uphold true manhood.

    Marriage is something we all should do but we also need to have our homework done. A stable job or roof is needed. But if you are young, you cannot expect everything. Also no two people are the same. Some people can marry young. Others prefer to be more established. It depends on the people invovled. Let’s not overcomplicate this.

    Marry when you find the right person (who you feel is right) and you both feel you are ready. Its not that hard. Wake up people!

    • Asalam Aleikum,

      To say that education is hindering women shows ignorance, regardless of who is making these claims. I agree with Omar that it is not related to education at all, and in fact, should be supported and praised. Education is a fundamental right within Islam, for both men and women. Getting married is for anyone that is ready to do so, regardless of financial status, past history, education, race, religion, etc. If you are 20 and ready, great. If you are 50 and divorced and want to start again, this is great as well.

      The only one that has the power to say you will marry or not is Allah swt, not anyone else. Have some faith and try your best. What we look for in a mate is personal and comes from our own experiences and ideas.

      To think that there is someone perfect is a fallacy…but at the same time, if they are perfect for us, this is all we need. If you search for superficial, this is what you will gain, if you search for some meaning, Inshallah you will find this.

      There is nothing wrong to want to have someone that is pleasing to your eye, but when you seek more than this, you can surely find a lot of happiness, more than you ever expected.

      In these days, divorce rates are high and there are many muslim brothers and sisters who are looking to start over again, along with the young muslims who are looking for their initial relationship.

      The bottom line is this…don’t expect in others what you cannot give of yourself. If you want a good spouse, then be a good spouse. Within Islam, treating people well is very important, and if we can treat a stranger with kindness, then we had better be able to treat our families with even more kindness and love. I see things for how they are, and this is something that can only come with time and maturity. So for those that are older than 25, do not lose hope…there are a lot of people out there that are searching…but we all need to realize that what we seek we should also offer in return.

      May allah swt be with all of you.

  7. i want to marry to an american muslim girl will educated live in america
    i am in egypt
    i am so serious

  8. I am not muslim but I believe your culture in regards to men and women is wonderful. I have worked hard all my life and I am well educated but I would rather be able to work part time or not at all so that I could focus on my husband and family. I guess we always want what other have and that which you have you don’t want.

    • True, that’s a human psyche :)

    • Hi and Assalmaualeykum (peace be upon you),
      I think this article mentionned an interesting point. That many of the more religious and “good” guys get married quite young, 19-21 years old and finish their schooling while being married. Many are also going to Dar ulloom or other religious Muslim schools are already Hafiz and Aalims so they can start working at 17 or 18 already and keep on their secular studies with okay jobs (think weekend teachers, leading Tarawih, Muslim summer camp teachers, private tutoring, etc. Most men do have a sex drive starting around age 12 or 13 and so to expect a guy to keep it inside for over 10 years is kind of ridiculous (IMO) and at 30 wow… that’s almost 20 years of repressed sex drive or (unfortunately) in some cases deviant behavior (masturbation, porn, etc). Do we sisters really expect a never married 28 year old to be “normal” after all that repression or worse those who are in relationship with themselves? Unless we accept to be second or third wives then we can’t expect that most men will want to wait so long. Yes obviously their are some who are more patient, have less drive, or who focus their energy on other things in thos years (studies, personal projects, sport, traveling, family situations, etc) but they are not the majority and would be the pearl in the sea :).
      And for the bros and sis out there, a lot of the Internet is Shaytani stuff, keep it clean, filter your internet, and make sure Allah is your Rabb…

  9. Maybe it’s because Islam has roles for each to fill and the women want to wear mens pants and the men want to wear dresses. Sorry give me a traditional Islamic woman any day over a highly educated woman I’ll never see who likes working shoulder to shoulder with men. I want a wife, not a business partner.

    To Wael: Brother I’ll tell you what, I joined the site and I had a hard time finding a woman in hijab. I would imagine the sisters have the same problem finding a brother that isn’t trying to look like he’s from that show Jersey Shore, or whatever it’s called. I’ve seen previews for it here and there but some of the men in it made me think of some of the brothers I’ve seen. Anyway, I had a hard time finding women in hijab and then came across a transvestite ad. Needless to say I had an account for about 20 minutes before I deleted it.

    • Brother Shadhili, I hear you. I’m working on the matter and Insha’Allah the service will change to become more Islamically oriented, and more culturally diverse.

  10. The solution to marriage of a Muslima is Me, Myself.

    Any educated Shia Muslima Lady who wishes to have a good husband may apply herewith. Please HURRY before I am taken.

    You must be religous, virgin, excellent looking and open-minded.

    Irrelevant criterias:

    Race;
    Culture;
    Financial position; and
    Nationality;

    Relevant considerations:

    Religon,
    Morals;
    Charecter; and
    Beauty.

    At the end, it is always said: Actions are louder than words. So, I am offering myself to the right candidate.

    • Brother Mohammad, Zawaj.com does have a matrimonial service and you can click on the link to join, and place your profile there Insha’Allah.

      Wael
      Zawaj.com Administrator

      • hi,

        Do you think finding husband or wife from the web is right?!!!!!!!!I do not know, we are very open minded family, I do not wear scarf, I wear t-shirt…but in matters like with boys our family is too strict…you know what I mean….the rules before marriage….. but I am outsite with my friends, I do not drink or smoke…my friends are boys and girls..I avoid people if they try to do some negative move, but I do not have “negative” friend like that :)….I work a lot, studying a lot….anyway and my family know this very bad, “this” i mean to find a partner from the web!!! And I really want to married….so badly, I feel very bad to stay virgin after my 30! is this right, the web thing!!!!!!!!

        • As-salamu alaykum sister. There’s nothing wrong with using an online matrimonial service as long as you stick to Islamic guidelines. Keep your discussion only about appropriate topics, with the intention of discovering whether you and the other person are compatible for marriage. Do not post any revealing photos, or take your discussion offline without involving your family. If you meet someone who seems to have potential, get your family involved.

          Wael
          Zawaj.com Editor

          • Hi,

            Well, I tried the web, but it worse than anything in the world…I actually advice you not go there at all, because there are men who have done terrible things and over-aged that are looking for a NEW ONE only. I think muslims have issues!!! and if there were “good” muslims men they wanted that their wife stay at home and bla bla bla!!!

            I have another question: what is wrong with finding a christian man and then help him to convert to islam…well some christian men are much more calm than muslims men…I do not think that a muslim man praying every single of his prayers everyday on time, i think you are also agree with me…

            and another problem which I have now is that nobody in my family help me with this issue, so I have to do it all by myself…my next question is that, is that ok to go on dates alone with men (example for a coffee or movie…)…I mean to go to date with a man and if it sounds or looked that he is not the right one just stop that immediately…if I do not talk and see men, how should I find the right one…should I accept the fact that after hundreds of dating, Maybe the right one can be found or ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

        • aslam o alikum to every one…..

          i think its diffiecult to find a husband r wife from web.i personly try for wife i cant bcaz u cant find a a good friend r a girl who want marrige.pepols just kidding.this is my experince i try but its loss of money.take care on web search a good man r women with family on web.

          (MY ENGLISH IS NOT GOOD SORRY FOR THIS)

        • What is yr major problem know?

  11. Hello All,

    I think there is a serious problem of finding a decent husband anywhere regardless if you are white, black, arab or whatever but I do think it is especially difficult for educated black and arab muslim women to find a decent husband.

    Many arab muslim men that I have spoken to want a hijaby, submissive yet outspoken on muslim issues, rocket scientist, bombshell, super thin that can cook exquisite meals and raise 10 kids cheerfully oh and did I mention she can’t be over 25.

    Most arab muslim women have worked really hard to obtain educations and decent jobs so why shouldn’t we expect someone who is equal. The problem is that we are not oblivious to the realities that are out there. We know you can’t raise a family on one income comfortably, we know that you need to put money away for retirement, we know how fragile a job can be. I don’t know, maybe arab muslim men are uncomfortable that we know these things.

    But think about something long and hard, Let’s say you live in the US. You get married to a nice girl and you have 3 or 4 kids. You, the husband, have to pay for everything yourself. College, medical, house, EVERYTHING!!!! The economy is really bad and you lose your job. How will you support your family? Do you think you can just go out and get a job tomorrow? Your wife can’t do it. Your children can’t do it. IT IS ALL ON YOU!!! You chose it. You don’t want your wife to work, to be educated. I know, I have met many, many suitors that told me I was not allowed to continue my schooling. IT IS AN ECONOMIC REALITY IN THE US AND NOW MOST PARTS OF THE WORLD THAT YOU NEED TWO INCOMES!!!! Get back to reality!!!

    In addition to that, educated, good looking arab women make arab men in the west look good. Do you have any idea how many people that I know that can’t even fathom that there any good looking, educated arab muslim women. When Queen Rania became queen of Jordan, my collegues could not believe she could possibly be arab muslim? The response, she is too pretty and educated. Most people that I know say that Arab women are too fat anyways and would never consider marrying one. So don’t worry about the hijab, no one is interested in your women or your families.

    Well, there was my rant!! It is ok Arab muslim men will never, ever get it. Keep on wishing for the glory days. It won’t come if you don’t accept your present reality and press forward.

    Another thing, I am begging all of you to stop, please stop marying your cousins. It is so bad for the gene pool.

    I do believe that if we had places to meet muslims without the stigma of talking to the opposite sex maybe we would have a chance but I will keep dreaming.

  12. Wow,

    What I said must be right on the money because this website did not even post my reply!!!

  13. @ Hopeless, “Many arab muslim men that I have spoken to want a hijaby, submissive yet outspoken on muslim issues, rocket scientist, bombshell, super thin that can cook exquisite meals and raise 10 kids cheerfully oh and did I mention she can’t be over 25.”

    Uhh, sounds pretty good to me, do you know one of those?

    Seriously though, I agree with a lot of what you say. We live in world now where it can be difficult to impossible for a family to survive on one income. As you said, women have worked hard to get their educations and they should be allowed to use them.

    I agree with you on cousin marriage as well. In my role as editor of IslamicAnswers.com I am always urging people not to marry their cousins.

  14. it is more important to get a partner who is real down to earth, following islam.

  15. sure you need to be careful.

  16. Asalamo 3alaicom All;
    What a great subject you discuss here.. I would like to say that it is not only that the muslim women have hard time to find their suitors, but men also feel the same way. I hope somebody bring out the main reasons behind this cruise.
    As we all know, Alhamdo lillah there are many men and women out there, but the quality of men/women is always questionable. I think, our responsibility is to be knowledgeable of our religion, but since we all know a little thing of Islam and we think that we are scholar instead. Thus, we become using our desires, opinions, feelings, and dreams easily whenever comes to discuss or solve Islamic matter which is already set up by Islamic perspective. Many people don’t even bother their selves to look at the answer in the Islamic sources or ask scholars about it if they don’t know. The marriage is already mentioned and discuss in details, but the problem in here is we still talk out range of the main point of the marriage and turn in empty circle. As if we are not satisfied with what we already have in our books and sources.
    There is not problem with women to be educated and successful or do business ect… But we do have a problem when women don’t know how to balance between their work life and family life; Some women don’t appreciate their responsibilities toward their husbands and respect them. the same thing for men has a big commandment toward their wives.) The marriage in Islam is respect, tolerance, corporation, help, love, brotherhood, and sincere obey to Allah. If we (men and women) become aware of all of these principals, the effect of choosing a right person will not be a problem ever.
    I am providing my advice to whom wants to get married, please go and take a book called ”tuhfat al3arouss”. it is very precious book.
    Thanks brother and sisters..may allah bless all of you.

  17. AoA everybody

    I am kind of glad that you people have a forum over here that discusses such a sensitive issue. I’d been contemplating this issue since quite long and eventually reached the solution that Islam actually gave us a system which, had we followed, would have automatically taken care of this problem. Just think the reason behind allowing a man to marry multiple women, this was in place throughout the time of the Prophet (PBUH) and the time of the blessed companions and I believe still exists in Arab world. We were destroyed by the non mulsim cultures where Polygamy was prohibited and we borrowed their ideology so much that any man who had more than one wife was despised.

    Just think Allah (SWT) Himself allowed men to marry more than one wife. Just imagine the receiving end of the consequences are the several thousands of innocent girls who cant find anyone to marry.

  18. THIS IS AN INTERESTING TOPIC. THE PROBLEM HAS VERY MUCH TO DO WITH WHAT WE WOMEN WANT OUR BROTHERS AND SONS TO HAVE AS A WIFE – SOMEONE WHO IS SUBMISSIVE, “RESPECTFUL,” AND HONORABLE! WE WOMEN ARE THE PROBLEM! WE WANT AS MUCH INFLUENCE IN OURS SONS’ LIVES AS POSSIBLE. MOST MUSLIM MEN ARE MAMA’S BOYS! WE WORRY ABOUT EDUCATING WOMEN AND WOMEN’S RIGHTS – HAVE WE THOUGHT ABOUT RE-EDUCATING MEN. UNTIL WE CHANGE HOW MEN PERCEIVE US, THIS PROBLEM WILL ONLY GROW. ALSO HOW ARE ALL OF US TO BE INDEPENDENT THINKING HUMAN BEINGS IF WE HAVE VERY LITTLE SAY IN MAING THE MOST IMPORTANT DECISION OF OUR LIVES. THERE NEED TO BE MORE PLACES FOR YOUNG, SINGLE, EDUCATED MEN AND WOMEN TO MEET WITHOUT PARENTAL SUPERVISION.

  19. AoA,

    I don’t know what i was searching for and what brought me here. As this is one of my concern too and a pain in the neck for the past few years so thought to share my own views and experience. agreement with this by any or many is not mandatory because we are almost 7 billion human beings on earth yet every individual is unique.
    well in my opinion this is not the matter of being an “American” or being a “Muslim Women” or just being an American Muslim women. its been almost 3~4 years for me having the same problem of not being able to find a suitor, neither i am american nor i am a women :) what’s wrong then? don’t want to complain to all the women out there let me take the half of the responsibility but still 50 % are the women to be blamed and 50 % the men as today no one can say for sure what they are after. everyone in my opinion is looking for the whole package, education, looks, religion, family bla bla bla. As everyone believes i was built to be the best number one and nothing less :)).
    After completing my education and finding a nice job started struggling to settle down and hard struggle of 3~4 years i thought well i don’t want to die virgin lets give a try to some non Muslim girls because its hard being that way especially while you are living in Europe and its been almost 2 years when I started looking for something serious in non Muslims girls i found out more or less the same problems what set me back was like more or less all the non Muslim girls were of the view that marrying a man without mating is like buying a car without a test drive hahaha, that put me back again looking for a Muslim women and still no avail lol and this is leading to no where.
    i think its not to blame others but to look into our self. its not the problem we cant find a better suitors but we are not being a better suitors, is the problem. I have read it somewhere that we are living in a mean world where everyone want love but no one want to give it out.
    with respect.

  20. assalamu alaikum.my opinion and view on dis great topic of marriage among muslim youths is that we have to break barriers and cultures,i mean theres a need for muslims to inter-marry between arabs,blacks,indians,pakistanis etc. So long as we are satisfied with the deen,irrespective of race,color or nationality.And also men should try and marry more dan one wife. Nazir Mouktar 4rn kano,Nigeria.

  21. Women get real!
    Men are in huge shortage worldwide. In Australia 7 women to one man, UK 5 women to one man. Us men are in an ocean of supply of women we can demand as the market allows us to. You cant! You are competing with millions of other women for a few good men. Whether domestically or abroad. Too many sisters who are independent are too manly. Who on earth wants to marry a man. Cut the nonesense be a second wife cos the older you get the less attractive you are. And lets not forget there is a sea of younger girls out there. Since men are in short supply we are now rare and valuable. Women ‘s value has fallen due to the huge supply of women.

    Khadijah was a business woman NOT an employee. An employee is not independant you need a paycheck and rely on a business person to take care of you. Employee is a wage slave says Webster’s dictionary. So stop calling yourself independent when you’re not! You’re some companies slave.

    If us men don’t change that does not harm our prospects as the lack of men makes it easy for us to get married.

    Women if you don’t change and Give your employer (the husband) what he wants and is looking for in an employee he will hire other employees (wives) who are younger more attractive.

    Accept us men for what we are or get prepared for a life of utter misery and loneliness!

    I hope most of you women are prepared cos that’s the way it’s going at the moment.

Leave a Response


8 − = two