May Allah bless you and guide you and I pray that you say your Shahadah soon. This is the most important decision in your life and it will help shape the rest of your life and afterlife.

Surely, Allah is Most Merciful and He saved you from what would have been a bad situation. This relationship was not founded on Islam and thus, it would have been extremely difficult for it to lead to a successful marriage.

As you are still studying Islam and do not know all the points of the religion, please let me help you learn a bit about the relations between men and women. The fact that you "fell in love" with this man indicates that he was not observing proper Islamic etiquette with you.

Islam does not allow casual mixing between non-related men and women. This is in order to protect the chastity of both parties. There is an authentic tradition that states "when an unrelated man and woman are alone, Satan is the third". Non-related men and women are not allowed to privately talk on the phone, use IMs, or be alone in a room together. This is to keep them from engaging in romantic or inappropriate chit chat and behavior. They are not allowed to touch - no hand holding, no kissing, and of course nothing more than that.

This might seem overly restrictive to someone from a non-Muslim background, but look at your own situation. Had you not had an improper friendship with this man that led to infatuation, you would not have had your heart broken. Because he did not live according to his Islamic values, you got close to him and became fond of someone who was not an appropriate match for you. Time wasted, emotion wasted.

I always advise new converts to Islam to NOT marry for a while. In the first flush of enthusiasm, a new Muslimah will think that since marriage is so strongly encouraged in Islam, she has to run marry right away. Often, the Muslim community tries to marry off the woman, thinking she needs a Muslim man to help her along. In reality, you need time by yourself to strengthen your relationship with Allah. You must learn how to be comfortable in your own skin as a Muslim woman. There are a LOT of adjustments to gradually make, and it can be highly stressful if you are newly married, trying to adjust to Islam AND a new husband.

Take your time, enjoy becoming Muslim. Study in a class with other Muslim women and try to form strong bonds of sisterhood with them. Politely decline any offers from ladies to "fix you up" with a brother. Learn your rights and responsibilities in Islam so you will not give away your rights unknowingly and be taken advantage of. This will ensure that, when the time comes for you to take a husband, you will know what to look for in a good husband and you will be prepared to be a strong Muslim wife.

Do not regret losing this man. As I said, Allah saved you from what could have been a disaster. As it is, it is a strong lesson on getting involved with someone before marriage. The correct Islamic approach is to look for a man who is strong in his religion, who has a good job and does not sell forbidden items, who is devoted to his family but who is not run by his mother. Is this hard to find? Yes, it can be. But I did not find my husband til I was over 30. Now, we are married 10 years and are blessed with a loving family. Don't feel you have a time clock running out. If you take care of yourself and your relationship with Allah, He will help you to find a good spouse who will help you complete half your deen. And Allah knows best.

Fi Aman Allah,

Noorah

I agree. I think that they just pretended to be open-minded in the beginning but were looking for a reason to reject you, and not finding something good, they made something up. And he obviously does not have the strength to resist his family's pressure.

after reading i know the difficult time you having. i think you deserve better, if there parents cant accept you then hell with them. age, race shouldnt be an issue since your a muslim then i dont see the problem. im married to a christian woman who is several years older than me, but im living a blessed life alhamdulillah.

you wrote "his sister and said the company I work for is killing his people and he can't live with that"? for some reason it feels they are blaming you for other peoples action.

culture comes first in some familys thats why they are like that so its best to stay away from them.

ma salama