November 2006
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November 29, 2006
This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, the AskBilqis.com and Zawaj.com Editor and Administrator.
QUESTION:
Dear Bilqis,
Can I see my future husband before marriage?
- Nadia from Morocco
WAEL ANSWERS:
Dear Nadia, As-Salamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullah,
Yes, of course you can see him. I don’t know how things are in Morocco, or if your culture is very conservative, but Islam allows the prospective bride and groom to meet one another and talk.
However, your meeting should not be in private, in other words it should not be just the two of you alone. You should meet in a public place with a chaperone, for example her parents.
You can talk about your ideas about life and your future, and your ideas about marriage, so you can find out if you are compatible for marriage and if you like each others’ character.
Both parties must observe proper rules of Islamic hayaa and etiquette. That means controlling the gaze, not touching one another, and discussing only subjects that are “ma’roof”, in other words nothing lewd or inappropriate.
If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, feel free to post your comments below.
Glory to You Allah, we praise You, we bear witness that there is no God except You, we ask Your forgivess and we repent to You.
Best regards,
- Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Administrator
AskBilqis.com Islamic Marriage and Family Advice
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Written by wael on November 29th, 2006 with 3 comments.
Read more articles on Islamic Answers 2006 and Marriage and Proposing Marriage.
November 29, 2006
This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, the AskBilqis.com and Zawaj.com Editor and Administrator.
QUESTION:
Dear Bilqis,
Aslamu elikum warehmatullah
Dear Bilqis, I have a problem, plz give me quick response. I was making a sin of Zinaa. I’m very ashamed of it. I was trapped by the guy. But now i want to marry him, because I don’t want to destroy the life of another guy. Plz tell me what can i do? I regularly do Dua to Allah to plz forgive me for this sin.
- D. from Pakistan
WAEL ANSWERS:
Dear Sister D., As-Salamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullah,
It seems that you have repented and made tawbah for your actions. That is very good, alhamdulillah. It’s commendable that you are now following the correct path and trying to act as a Muslim.
You said that you were “trapped by the guy.” I don’t know what you mean by this. If you meant that he physically forced you, then this is not Zinaa, it is rape. This would be a crime that he committed against you. This is not a sin by you, because you were the victim of a crime. In this case I would urge you to report this to the authorities so they can take action against him.
Or maybe your saying you were “trapped” by him means that he pressured you emotionally in some way, and you gave in.
In either case, this man is absolutely not a good man and you should not marry him.
Don’t worry right now about marrying someone else. Just focus on living your life, being a good Muslim, and healing from this incident. Eventually, when you are ready, you will find someone good Insha’Allah, and you do not have to mention your past at that time, as it is between you and Allah.
If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, feel free to post your comments below.
Glory to You Allah, we praise You, we bear witness that there is no God except You, we ask Your forgivess and we repent to You.
Best regards,
- Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Administrator
AskBilqis.com Islamic Marriage and Family Advice
ZAWAJ.COM Muslim Matrimonials and More!
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Written by wael on November 29th, 2006 with 3 comments.
Read more articles on Islamic Answers 2006 and Marriage and Can I Marry Him (or Her)? and Zinaa.
November 29, 2006
This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, the AskBilqis.com and Zawaj.com Editor and Administrator.
QUESTION:
Dear Bilqis,
My sister has lost her Gold chain inside the home and she is very much upset and wants to find out the way in which she can find the lost chain. You are kindly requested to please tell the way of doing Istikharah we will be highly thankful to you.
- Faran from Pakistan
WAEL ANSWERS:
Dear Faran, As-Salamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullah,
Istikhara is not appropriate for this situation. Istikhara is for a situation in which you must choose a course of action or make a decision, and you need Allah’s guidance and help in making a good choice.
Your sister should simply make duaa’ and ask Allah to help her retrieve her item. However, as Muslims we should not focus excessively on these material things. Your sister should also make Duaa’ for her aakhirah and her religion, asking Allah for forgiveness, mercy and blessings.
For good information and articles about Duaa’, you can see one of my sister websites, http://www.DuaShare.com
If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, feel free to post your comments below.
Glory to You Allah, we praise You, we bear witness that there is no God except You, we ask Your forgivess and we repent to You.
Best regards,
- Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Administrator
AskBilqis.com Islamic Marriage and Family Advice
ZAWAJ.COM Muslim Matrimonials and More!
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Written by wael on November 29th, 2006 with no comments.
Read more articles on Islamic Answers 2006 and Miscellaneous.
November 27, 2006
This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, the AskBilqis.com and Zawaj.com Editor and Administrator.
QUESTION:
Dear Bilqis,
My husband and I named our daughter Maya, believing it to be an Arabic name. We now understand it is a Hindu name meaning ‘’illusion.'’ We are very concerned as we know the importance of giving our child a name with Islamic meaning. Should we change her name?
- Mum from England
WAEL ANSWERS:
Dear Mum, As-Salamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullah,
Yes, in my opinion you should change the name. I realize this is probably an inconvenience.
Among the names that we should avoid are names that are particular to the non-Muslims, as this creates a bond with them and a feeling of closeness with them, rather than with our fellow Muslims.
Furthermore, in this particular case, this name (Maya) represents a concept that is esssential to Hindu belief. If my understanding is correct, according to Hinduism all the world we see is unreal. We human beings tend to think that both we and the world are real and separate, but this (according to Hinduism) is an illusion, which is called maya. Our pursuit of this illusory world - and of our own selfish individualism - plunges us into a vortex of confusion and misery.
Or something like that.
I am not saying this concept is entirely without merit. The Qur’an says in Surat al-Kahf (which of course is a Surah that deals heavily with themes of impermanence and transience),
“Make a metaphor for them of the life of this world. It is like water that We send down from the sky, and the plants of Earth combine with it, and it becomes fresh and green. But (later) it becomes dry chaff scattered by the winds. Allah has absolute power over everything.
“Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world. But, in your Lord’s sight, right actions that are lasting bring a better reward and are a better basis for hope.” [18:45-46]
So we certainly have the concept in Islam that this world is fleeting and insubstantial, and that the riches of this world are nothing but an adornment, a decoration - in other words a kind of distraction - while the next life is the one that is lasting, permanent and substantial.
However, there are clear differences between the Hindu concept of maya and the Islamic concept of the dunya and aakhirah. Although we consider this world to be fleeting, nevertheless it is real, and our deeds in this life matter and make a difference. This world is our arena of action. If this world was unreal or unimportant, then the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) would not have gotten married, had children, and established a political state and government. Instead he would have been merely a spiritual practicioner, a pure ascetic - like a Hindu yogi, perhaps.
My point is that our Islamic concepts differ from the Hindu concept of maya in fundamental ways.
Oh, and by the way, Maya is also the name of the Hindu goddess of illusion.
So this name carries too many un-Islamic connotations, and expresses a dominant concept in Hindu theology. Therefore it is best to change it.
You probably want a name with a similar sound. You may have confused your daughter’s name with an old Arabic name, “May.” It’s a pretty name, but I cannot recommend it since the meaning is no longer known. Therefore my recommendations are:
Maimuna (fortunate, blessed). I think this is a very euphonic name, and I know a Maimuna who has always been a happy person.
Muna or Mona - Wish, desire. A short, strong name. I have a cousin by this name. She is an independent thinker, brave and likes to laugh.
Mina - Light. The name itself seems rather light and airy. Slips off the tongue very easily.
Munirah - Illuminated, Shining. A strong name, light and yet weighty at the same time somehow. A friend of mine has a daughter by this name. She’s a good girl, softspoken but quite intelligent.
Maryam - mother of Prophet Isa (as). You mentioned that you like this name. A wonderful name of course, but perhaps too common.
Maha - gazelle. A cute, short name with a nice sound.
Maysun or Maysoon - Of beautiful face and body.
Muminah - Pious believer. Speaks for itself.
Of course she is your child and you should choose the name that resonates with you in some way. My best wishes for a bright future, Insha’Allah, to you and your daughter.
If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, feel free to post your comments below.
Glory to You Allah, we praise You, we bear witness that there is no God except You, we ask Your forgivess and we repent to You.
Best regards,
- Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Administrator
AskBilqis.com Islamic Marriage and Family Advice
ZAWAJ.COM Muslim Matrimonials and More!
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Written by wael on November 26th, 2006 with no comments.
Read more articles on Islamic Answers 2006 and Children.
November 23, 2006
This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, the AskBilqis.com and Zawaj.com Editor and Administrator.
QUESTION:
Dear Bilqis,
assalamualykum,
I am a 23 year old male, unmarried and attending graduate school. I am near to my graduation. At this age, I am very despearate to get married. I feel ready to have a wife now, but the problem is that I am not financially stable since I need ten to twelve months after graduation to get stable, but these months are getting hard for me. Every day is a trial for me as the environment of my campus is full of girls. It’s like cultural shock once I came to USA from India (my home country). I need your help. please let me know what steps needs to be taken for being patient.
- Siddiq from USA
WAEL ANSWERS:
Dear Siddiq, As-Salamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullah,
I went to high school in Saudi Arabia, and from there directly to California for university. So I am aware of the culture shock you are talking about.
I have three points of advice for you:
1. Attach your heart to the Masjid
The most important thing you can do to maintain your peace of mind, and your imaan, is to stay close to the masjid (the mosque). The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said that,
“The most loved places to Allah Ta’ala is the Masjid.” (Muslim)
And he said,
““There are seven (types of persons) whom Allah will give protection with His Shade:…(one of them is) a person whose heart is attached to the masjid…” (Bukhari, Muslim)
Try to go to the masjid every day for prayers, perhaps twice a day. You can go for Dhuhr or Asr prayer if you have a break from your classes, and again at night for Maghreb or Ishaa. Visiting the masjid at night is especially rewarding, as the Prophet Muhammad (pubh) said,
“Give good news to those who go to the masjid in the darkness of the night to offer the prayer in congregation that on the Day of Judgement they will be provided with a perfect light.” (Tirmidhi)
If you go for Maghreb or Ishaa’ prayer, try to linger a little bit afterwards to read Qur’an, do your homework, or make conversation with the others congregants. Get to know the brothers who attend regularly and become friends with them. This positive and supportive companionship will reinforce your desire to follow the Islamic path and avoid anything haram.
2. Fast
Fasting is a shield for you and will help to protect you from sinful thoughts and actions. It will keep you close to Allah and will purify your actions. Try to fast Mondays and Thursdays if you can, or at least one day a week.
3. Be Patient
The other thing I would say to you is that you are 23 years old and you have been patient for a long time, to your credit. Alhamdulillah you have guarded your religion and your purity. This is a valuable achievement and when you get married Insha’Allah you can have the satisfaction of entering your marriage with purity and sincerity, Alhamdulillah.
Just try to be patient for a little bit longer, until you are prepared to get marrried and Allah has brought you the person who will help you complete your deen and make a good Muslim family.
If any readers have some advice for this brother, feel free to post your comments below.
Glory to You Allah, we praise You, we bear witness that there is no God except You, we ask Your forgivess and we repent to You.
Best regards,
- Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Administrator
AskBilqis.com Islamic Marriage and Family Advice
ZAWAJ.COM Muslim Matrimonials and More!
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Written by wael on November 22nd, 2006 with 9 comments.
Read more articles on Islamic Answers 2006 and Marriage and Want to Get Married.
November 10, 2006
This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, the AskBilqis.com and Zawaj.com Editor and Administrator.
QUESTION:
Dear Bilqis,
How do I help my children cope with the fact their father was murdered? Their ages are 7, 4, and 2.
- Shanta from USA
WAEL ANSWERS:
Dear Shanta, As-Salamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullah,
Every now and then I get a question that leaves me at a loss for words, and yours is one of those. I have lost friends to death, and my father came very close to dying recently. But I have not experienced anything as difficult and traumatizing as what you are describing; so it’s difficult for me to know how to answer.
Before I give my answer, let me tell you that I did some research and I found an organization called National Organization of Parents of Murdered Children, Inc. They are based in Cincinnati, Ohio (USA) and their web address is http://www.pomc.com/
It looks like there is some good information on their website, and they have a discussion forum where you can communicate with other people who have experienced what you have.
Although I don’t have any direct experience with the murder of a family member, I can share some general thoughts based on the Islamic perspective:
1. We should never blame or accuse Allah. One of the pillars of our imaan (faith) is to accept our Qadr, whether good or bad. We must recognize that Allah wants only good for us, but that things happen that are beyond our understanding. Therefore we must not express bitterness or anger toward Allah as many of the disbelievers do in these situations.
I will quote for you the famous and touching words of the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) (as narrated in the Seerah:) as his young son, Ibrahim, died in his lap. He kissed his son’s face, and said,
“Dear Ibrahim! We cannot do anything for you. Divine Will cannot be changed. Your father’s eyes shed tears, and his heart is sad and grieved for your death. However, I will not say anything which may invite the wrath of Allah. If there had not been the true and certain promise of Allah that we too shall come after you, I would have wept more and become more grieved at the separation from you.”
2. Don’t be afraid to talk about your children’s father with them or to remember him. I believe that avoiding the subject in these situations is a mistake. It’s best to be open, as this will help the healing process. Talk about his good qualities, and whatever good times you had.
3. Let your children know that everyone dies in their destined time but that their father’s spirit is still living and Allah will take care of him.
4. In an authentic hadith, we are told that on the Day of Judgement, a person will be resurrected in the company of those whom he loves. Love is a very powerful force that transcends even the boundaries of this life.
5. Everyone grieves in a different way and from what I understand the grieving child might display anger, resentment, or become withdrawn. I strongly suggest that you take the children to a family or grief counselor who can help them work through these emotions.
If any readers have some advice for this young woman, feel free to post your comments below by clicking on the “comments” link.
Glory to You Allah, we praise You, we bear witness that there is no God except You, we ask Your forgivess and we repent to You.
Best regards,
- Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Administrator
AskBilqis.com Islamic Marriage and Family Advice
ZAWAJ.COM Muslim Matrimonials and More!
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Written by wael on November 11th, 2006 with 2 comments.
Read more articles on Islamic Answers 2006 and Parenting.
November 2, 2006
This question is answered by Sr. Samayya Cabre from Sweden, with an added note by Wael Abdelgawad, the AskBilqis.com and Zawaj.com Editor and Administrator.
QUESTION:
Dear Bilqis,
I am a 17 year old Muslima. I always try to follow the religion of Islam. It is the month of Ramadan right now, and lately I just feel like I really really want to get married. I feel like I’m getting tortured or something because I am not married yet.
I do know I am young, but there have been times where I have had dreams or visions where they kind of gave me good tidings. Those cheer me up a bit, but I dont know what to do.
I definitely dont want a boyfriend or any haram relationship but I’m so confused I dont know what to do. Can you help me?
- Qudsia from USA
SAMAYYA ANSWERS:
Dear Qudsia my sister in Islam, As-Salamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullah,
I can not answer your question from a scholarly viewpoing or from a successful wife’s point of view (as I am divorced), but I can speak to you as if I were speaking to myself when I was seventeen as indeed I wish someone had spoken to me.
Allah is the one who will help you and guide you but InshaAllah He will give me the words to offer you good advice on this very serious topic.
You are at an age where you are feeling the need to move to that next level. The level where you in some way move away from your own family and begin your own life. And marriage is a very important part of Islam. It is in fact said to be half of one’s deen. If you stop to think about that you will realize just how important it is.
Clear Understanding of Rights and Obligations
Once you are married you must give your husband priority after ALLAH. When two people join together their lives should merge together. It takes some time to get used to this transition and takes work and effort but I believe if both husband and wife have a clear understanding of their rights and obligations, and use Islam as their guide of how to treat each other then they can be a key to each others’ Paradise.
So with this in mind, I would urge you to make Salat al-Istikhara and ask Allah to guide you to a man who will be this type of husband for you; and then leave it to ALLAH.
Do Not Push
With Sakeenah (the tranquility that comes from trusting Allah) you will be guided to make the right decision for your soul and not act out of impulse which would be only to please the ego or nafs. Do not push anything yourself, let it all come from Allah. All things that come from Allah swt have a way of being right for us and though there may be some tests of faith involved, they are always best for us; while things we push are too complicated and miss the ease of Allahs will.
If a man comes along that who you believe Allah has sent you, make sure he has his priorities straight and that he will not just be demanding his rights on you without knowing his own obligations to you ; and make sure he is not someone who will put hardship on you.
Study Qur’an, Sunnah, Seerah
At the same time study up from the Qur’an and Hadith and the stories of the wives of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) for knowledge on how to be the kind of wife who will be a key to Paradise for your future husband. That way, when Allah does put the right man in your path you will know how to be.
And of course we learn as we grow and grow as we learn and you will become better and better until the day you meet your Lord InshaAllah.
So be patient and ask for Allah’s Guidance
With sisterly love,
- Samayya Cabre
Added Note from Wael Abdelgawad:
Thanks to Sr. Samayya for her insightful reminder that we must turn to Allah for guidance in all matters. I read her response several times because I believe what she says is very valuable; and I hope that you, Sr. Qudsia, will do the same.
I want to add some further advice from a more materialistic viewpoint.
In the old days the husband was the family provider and the wife’s job was to raise the children and care for the home. Nowadays, especially in the West, the husband’s income alone is often not enough. It is very common for both the husband and wife to work and bring in income for the family.
Secondly, divorce is much more common these days than it used to be, and families are much more fragmented. A divorced woman, instead of having an extended family to fall back on, often finds herself on her own, struggling to support herself without the benefit of a man’s income.
My point is that a woman in today’s world needs an education and skills. If her marriage is healthy, she may still have to work to supplement the husband’s income. If her marriage ends in divorce, she needs resources to fall back on so she can support herself.
You’re at an age when you are ready to leave the family and be on your own, even if only as a student. It’s natural to want someone to be with, someone to care for you and to be close to. But I recommend that you try to be patient and wait at least until you finish your university studies before you consider marriage.
There’s one more good reason to wait a few more years. Waiting a little longer will give you time to grow and mature on your own, and to discover what kind of person you are and what is important to you in life, so that when you do begin your search for a partner, you’ll have a better idea whether or not you are compatible. As Samayya said, “We learn as we grow and grow as we learn.”
If any readers have advice for this young woman, feel free to post your comments below.
Glory to You Allah, we praise You, we bear witness that there is no God except You, we ask Your forgivess and we repent to You.
Best regards,
- Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Administrator
AskBilqis.com Islamic Marriage and Family Advice
ZAWAJ.COM Muslim Matrimonials and More!
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Written by wael on November 1st, 2006 with 7 comments.
Read more articles on Islamic Answers 2006 and Marriage and Want to Get Married.