Islamic marriage advice and family advice

23 years with cheating husband who passed me STD, should I stay or divorce him?

cheating spouse %photo

She found that he's cheated her

Asalam everyone,
I want to make this as short as possible, first I'm so glad to have found this page. My question is this, I have been married for so many years and have 5 kids from this man. Through out our marriage my husband has been committing adultery with many women. It has never stopped. I recently found out I have a STD from him that is no joke. After finding this out I also found out he had been seeing another women for 2 years. I can't take the pain of this life anymore, living my life like this. I fought with him and kicked him out but only to come back. He is sleeping in a different room now but what I want to know do I stay patient or do I have rights to end this marriage. I work and support myself with no help from him at all.

Please give me good advise,

kifayeh


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10 Responses »

  1. salaam

    my advice would be to leave him and move on with your life

  2. sorry to hear about your situation.you work and suport yourself. Leave him, move on and lead a happy peaceful life withou him. Sometimes w need to change the things that hurt us even though the change may hurt more in order to be at peace with our lives. You need to get away from him. It is the best thing you can do for your kids and yourself.

    Salam.

  3. Divorce him that is what i would do. I dont have to lose my life to have a marriage work

  4. Salaams,

    You've been married to this man for many years, and endured his infidelity for too long. If you had been living at the time of the Prophet SAWS, he would have been killed for his adultery by now. One of the reasons for such a harsh punishment, I believe, is so women like yourself would not have to endure this kind of hardship over and over again....no less get sick from his sinful behavior with an STD.

    You have been patient. You can check that off your list, and you don't owe him anymore. You owe it to yourself and your kids, rather, to seek a peaceful life free from this man who clearly will never change. You have more than every right to end this marriage, and may Allah bless you in your new life going forward.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  5. Salaam sister

    I'm so so sorry you are going through this . May Allah give you strength to do the right thing inshallah.
    One question I ask you is why you did not leave this man earlier is it that you thought he may change .. ? Trust me sister no man who after children now and since your marriage has began hasn't changed why would you hold on to this pain and anguish any longer ?

    You need to think I have given this man love , children and yourself what has he given you?

    You can not punish yourself anymore now get out now sister . This is not a marriage ! This is living and accepting a individual who has no respect for himself you or his religion never mind his children.

    Sister I came to this site myself experiencing the same my ex husband (divorced him few days ago)
    Was sleeping with over ten women and my ruksati wasn't even done I thought maybe if I give him a chance it may change ! Crazy is that thought as no one can change his dirty mentality ! I divorced him to save myself trust me I went through pain and anguish but I turned to Allah swt who has made me stronger... I received some good advice from this site ... Sister take the advice .. Read the post here I think my husband is a sex addict read what good people say... That was my story . Although you don't have children I felt compelled to write to you.

    Sister divorce is a must ! You can not torture yourself , kick him out ! Don't suffer in silence inform your family and friends they will support you ! He will grovel and cry! Don't listen to those empty promises as he broke those when he commited adultery time and time again!

    Sister you will feel lighter once you do this ! Contact immams immediately they will assist you in you'r case . Are you uk based? There are some good shariah courts around .

    Break free sister protect yourself and children and run ... Divorce him!

    May Allah protect you !!

  6. get out of this filth.

  7. Waalikum salam wrwb sister Kifayeh,
    Dear sister, I am going to be blunt. You did the right thing by kicking him out, no woman deserves to be cheated and made to feel the way you felt. I wonder where is the family in all this, did you inform them? What did his side and your side have done so far? Have the things changed after you threw him out or has he gone to his old ways? If you have not involved the family so far and been enduring this all this time then I highly suggest you inform them all by calling members from both side of the family. It's not good if you have no support from them and you are made to deal with whatever is happening to you after all that is what parents are for.

    Get yourself checked for what kind of STD is this, most of them are treatable and should not be left untreated as this could cause some serious health issues. Try not to be intimate with your husband until he mends his ways, repents and get fully treated and ask him to get tested who knows what else he is carrying. If he refuses to change and keeps acting like animals then I am afraid you should leave him. It is not only good for your mental/physical/emotional health but also it is very important for your children to grow up in a healthy environment with a father who pious, honest and kind hearted man not a cheat and dishonest person who is putting their mother through all this. I know as a mother you want your children to grow up around their father but you should ask yourself; if he is a good influence?

    At the end of the day, it's your decision but please put your children and yourself ahead of anything else. You and your children deserve better or you all are better off alone than to have a husband or father figure like the person you described.

    May Allah (swt) show you the right path and help you to make the best of decision for the rest of your life. Amin

    Muhammad1982,
    Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

  8. Correction above meant to say although I don't have children..

    Sister please save yourself . My prayers are with you .

  9. Assalamualaikum

    Divorce him as he will be a bad influence on the kids as well. Some of your kids will be old
    enough to understand the situation so let them know of your decision before you proceed.

    May Allah make it easy for you and your kids.

  10. Asalamualikum wa Rehmathullahi wa Berakathuhu
    In islam if a husband /wife is cheating in the sense illegal intercourse. then their punishment is stoning them to death .. if they are not married and if they do illegal intercourse then their punishment is lashes .. but for a married person tawba will not be enough their tawba is not gonna get accepted .. but if a husband/wife has doubt that they are being cheated then there must be a solid proof and in islam the proof of intercourse is eye witness 4 men should see their intercourse ..and in case of women 8 women should witness their intercourse this is the only proof in islam rest all proofs like messeges, phone calls ,mails, letters are not valid in islam... without eye witness you cant blame them and if you coudnt not find any witnessess then you can continue with them .. but if they have done this severe sin and their husband/wife are not aware of it ... then remember Allah Subhanatallah is not blind he is aware of evrything and surely he has kept a severe punishment for you .... betrayel in marriage is severe and its punishment is also severe
    May Allah Subhanatalla guide Ummathi Muhammad (saw) on the right path Ameen ya Allah

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