Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Addicted to sex with my sister

depressed girl %photoAlhamdullilah I'm a muslim girl and a very good student as well. My life was going very well but I don't know how I became addicted to sex and sex not with boys but with a girl and with myself. The only girl I ever use is my elder sister. I use net and sometimes cds to watch sex online. After watching I can't control anything and do sex. I really do not want to do all this because I know that it is zinna, but i cant control myself.

* (Editor's note: the next three paragraphs have been translated into English, as the author wrote them in Urdu)

I have made lots of dua for this habit to break, but none of my duas are being answered. I have become very tired over this matter and cannot sleep at night anymore. No-one in my house knows about this but my sister who has also become used to doing this.

Please, tell me what to do. How can I change myself? I am tired of my life, many times I have tried to stop myself but at any time I become a victim of my own nafs again. I have no peace of kind at all. I am regular with my Salaah and recite Quran daily.  But my brain/mind does not unblock. Please help me, please please

May Allah Taala reward you for this. I will owe you for the rest of my life if you can help me. Please help to save me, please.

***

Mai ny bhtttt duaen mangen hain k meri ye habit hatam ho jaey magar meri koi dua b kabul nai ho rae mai bht thak chuki hun ab to mjy rat ko nend b nai ati.mery ghar mai koi b ye bat nai janta sirf meri sister janti hai aur usey b iss ki adat ho chuki hai.

plzzzzzzzzzzzzz mjy bataen mai kia krun kesy hud ko badalun.mai apni zindagi se tang a chuki hun bht dafa hud ko ruka hai mgar phir ksi wakat apny hi nafas ki burai ka shikar ho jati hun.mjy bilkul sakun nai hai mai namaz b pabandi se parhti hun QURAN PAK ki talawat b daily krti hun.mgr mery zehan ki ghalazat ksi surat hatam nai ho rhi.plz mei madad krn please plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Allah Talah AP ko iss ka ajar ata kry.mai sari zindagi apki ahsan mand rhun gi.plz mjy bacha len meri madad karen plz.


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64 Responses »

  1. Salam, sister Imaan,

    You are aware that what you are doing is haraam and that these urges that you have are unnatural and wrong and you want to get rid of them. Alhamdulillah, that's a start. Also, you seem to be a practising muslim so I am not going to lecture you on what Islam says about sex out of wedlock, homosexuality or incest,

    You say you are "addicted" to pornography and sex to the point that you can't control yourself and end up fulfilling your sexual desire by engaging in illicit sexual relations with your older sister.

    I'm going to tell you what I think you should do, and you should start right now. If you haven't done it yet, go purify yourself, make what is called in Islam "al ghusl al kabeer". (it's the obligatory purification that every muslim has to make after having had sexual intercourse with someone or after masturbating so that he or she can pray, hold the Quran, etc.)

    FIRST : STOP WATCHING PORN. It is haraam. It brings up (as you already know) one's most bestial instincts. Sometimes it makes one become like an animal with urges that need to be fulfilled rightaway and it makes one do the most horrible, disgusting things.

    SECOND : TELL YOUR SISTER RIGHT NOW that you are putting an end to this. Go tell her now, don't wait a minute longer. Tell her that you both have to repent with all your heart to Allah (SWT). Repent while it is time, because you don't know when you might die. If she doesn't seem convinced and still wants to have sex with you, remember that SHE CANNOT FORCE YOU. AVOID HER. THREATEN to tell your familiy, that ought to scare her away, after all she is the eldest, so she would probably take the blame anyway, not you (although, that depends on how old you are).

    THIRD: When everybody else in the house is sleeping, in the middle of the night, get out of bed, make wudu' and pray. Do dhikr. Read the Quran, plead Allah and ask Him for His forgiveness and guidance. During the day, never stop doing dhikr with your tongue and your heart, keep repeating Allah's name, keep saying "astaghfirullah" and whenever an unpure thought pops up in your mind, say "a'udhu billahi min ashaytan arrajeem".

    FOURTH : Make a schedule. Get a piece of paper and a pen and make a schedule of all your daily activities and STICK UP to it. For example, after school, from 2 pm to 4 pm : homework. from 5 pm to 6 pm : reciting Quran. from 6:30 to 7:30 helping you mom in the kitchen, 9 pm to 9:30 dhikr, etc. The idea is that you employ your time in a useful manner leaving as little free time as possible. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said that two of our ennemies as muslims are free time and good health.

    Have you thought of getting psychological help ? I think you need to talk to someone about this. If you want, you can talk to me and write to me whenever you feel like talking. If you're willing, we can exchange e-mail adresses. I really want to help you.

    Remember, you can do this. Be strong. Allah loves a strong believer. Allah forgives all sins except "shirk".

    Wa salam.

  2. Dear Imaan, Asalaamualaykum,

    I have to admit, I found your post very distressing to read, as you are so lost and at the same time so desperate for help. You say that you are having sexual relations with your sister, that you have tried to stop but cannot. It would have been useful for you to have mentioned the age of both you and your sister, as I am wondering whether your older sister is encouraging you to have sexual relations with her or if she is making it difficult for you to break this terrible habit. This is a very serious matter, as not only is it zina, but also incest and it is possible that you are being sexually abused by your sister; I don't know as there is not information to go by. But, nevertheless, you both need immediate help in stopping this.

    Ideally, I would like to suggest for you to confide in your Mother and I would hope that for your sakes, she would be very strong headed, swallow her anger and tears and separate you both and arrange appropriate counselling for you. But of course I do not know how your Mother will react and the last thing I want to do is make things worse for you. So Imaan, I will do my best inshaAllah to help you, but you must make a firm resolve that you will listen to and act upon the advice I am going to give you below inshaAllah:

    1) Do not sleep in the same bedroom as your sister, do not be alone with her at any time. With immediate affect you need to physically separate yourself from your older sister. Without your family knowing and helping you, it may be difficult for one of you to move out of the house, hence the next best thing is that you atleast have separate bedrooms. Maybe you could tell your parents that you and your sister are not getting along and cannot stay in the same room; or that you feel scared at night and really need to sleep in a room where there is more than one person. Meanwhile, you must absolutely avoid being a home alone with your sister at any time.

    2) Stop watching on line sex, break and throw away your cd/dvds, move computer to a shared part of the house. Stop and look at this pattern. You say that you watch sexual activity online and through cds/dvds and it is after this that you have the urge to have sex. You become unable to control yourself and this urge then results in either you masturbating or you having sexual relations with your sister. So Imaan, you must stop watching this stuff, as doing so is totally haraam, unhealthy and is most definitely bound to mess with your brain and nafs. Of course if you watch such material it will give you urges, so you need to eradicate this at the roots. If you have any such cds/dvds, break them and throw them away, move your computer to a part of the house that is shared, like the living room.

    I have always been against children having computers and internet access in their bedrooms and this is one of the reasons why. Gone are the days when parents can keep a watchful and protective eye on their children by keeping them at home, because the internet use in the wrong way brings fitnah into the house and exploiting not only children but also adults.

    3) Tell your sister, clearly that this must stop! Tell her that you are not at all happy with what is happening and that Allah will be very Angry with you both if you do not stop. Tell her that this activity between you both cannot and will not continue anymore. If you feel frightened of her, use this to convince your mother to separate your sleeping arrangements.


    We must all make an effort first and then put our trust in Allah.
    I have given you the framework, now only you can implement it with the help of Allah. Allah can hear your cries for help, so be sure that He(swt) will come running to you if you take these positive steps. If any of these above things is impossible for you to do, due to family not listening, then you will need to take a firm stance in curbing yourself from turning on your computer and also in rejecting your sisters advances and your own urges and if need be, then yes speak to someone you can trust to help you. At the same time, I will keep stressing that you must implement the three changes mentioned above.

    ***

    When the mind is idle, it is very easy for Shaytaan to whisper evil thoughts into your mind. So there are some other things I want you to do aswell to occupy your time, your mind and your body. These things will inshaAllah give you the soul food and spiritual nourishment that your mind and body so desparately requires.

    On a spiritual and everyday level, take note of the advice below:

    a) I am glad that you are praying your Salaah. This is your connection with Allah, but obviously at the moment, your connection has become very weak, so I have given you some tips below to help you strengthen it inshaAllah. Poner over the meaning of Surah Al-Fatihah:

    1. In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

    2. Praise be to Allah, the Cherisher and Sustainer of the worlds;

    3. Most Gracious, Most Merciful;

    4. Master of the Day of Judgment.

    5. Thee do we worship, and Thine aid we seek.

    6. Show us the straight way,

    7. The way of those on whom Thou hast bestowed Thy Grace, those whose (portion) is not wrath, and who go not astray.

    We Muslims recite Surah Al-Fatiha a minimum of 17 times daily in our Salaah. So 17 times a day, you are turning to Allah and invoking Him by some of His most Glorious names: The Most Merciful and Most Gracious. 17 times daily, you are seeking the help of Allah and you are asking Him(swt) to show us the straight way, the way of those He(swt) has bestowed His Grace upon. Next time you make this dua, contemplate and ponder over its deep meaning, and say it from your heart. Along with this, make the effort. Allah's help will come but you must try to change first.

    b) I am also glad that you recite Al-Quran, there is much Shifa in the rememberance of Allah. But, again, you must be making the effort too. Next time you recite Quran, read its meaning. Do you have a copy of the Quran in Urdu or English? If you do not, please go and get one inshAllah and use it. Reading the meaning, will help you come closer to Allah.

    c) Do dhikr and seek refuge with Allah by saying Aoudhubillahi mina-shaitaanirajeem and do tawbah as much as you can.

    d) Try to keep voluntary fasts as any voluntary acts of worship bring us closer to Allah(swt)

    e) Listen to recitation of Surah Al-Baqarah and other Quranic Verses regularly at home.

    f) Before you sleep recite Ayatul Qursi, and the last Surahs of the Quran, blow in to your hands and wipe over as much of your body as you can reach. The Prophet(saw) recommended this as a protection with Allah from shaitaan.

    g) At the same time, if it is possible, try to attend some Islamic circles/halaqa classes as this will take up your time and give you something positive to think about. Try, and you can most definitely inshaAllah one day adopt qualities and traits of young Aisha(ra), but you must try.

    h) I do not know what country you live in, but depending on where you are, I would urge you to arrange some counselling for yourself. If you are in the UK, the Muslim Youth Helpline is available, there are also many other free counselling services. If you are in the US, I am sure there are many services available there aswell. If you are not in either of these countries, please let us know and we will try our best to find something suitable for you God Willing.

    i) Try to stay close to other members of your family and partake in home chores to busy yourself and for nearness to your mother and distance from your sister.

    (I really want to add some quotes from the Quran here for you, but I do not have time at the moment, so I shall do so later this afternoon inshaAllah.) Being in the last days of Ramadaan, it is a special time to make dua, so I will inshaAllah promise to mention you and your sister in my duas, especially just before Iftaar this evening. May Allah make you strong enough to stop and change yourself for the better - Aameen.

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. get married if your capable otherwise i suggest you fast.

    • First of all do Taubah. I totally agree with brother Ahmed. Must get married. Try to keep fast as often as possible besides regularly offering prayers. Try to spend as little time as possible in isolation. If possible join some good Gym to exert your energies out. Join some healthy activity with a group of good friends. Friends are important so that you remain commited to your friends and avoid your will, which you will exercise if you are alone. Have some positive Objective in life and get commited in its pursuance.

      May Allah forgive you for your sins and guide you to the right path (Amin)

  4. Thanx a lot to all ov u for ur suggestions.mai puri koshish ker rahi hun r mai ny hud ko bht save rakhny ki b koshish ki hai ainda b karti rahun gi.mery liye special dua kijiey ga and i m realy grateful to all of u.JAZAKALLAH

    • when any one success to find his/her weekness there is no distance to overcome on it. its good that u relize your weekness. the simple way to recite "Asthagphar " all the times when u get wrong thouhts. and be puncatule in Namaz with full attentation because Nama keep us save from junah.

  5. Dear imaan,

    asalamalaikum,

    i would give you the same advice as above. iam so pleased to see that you have realised that what you were doing was so sinfull and will only take you to destruction both in this world and the world hereafter.all i want to say is that Allah is with you once you try to change yourself for something better. inshallah you will find yourself so peaceful within yourself. we all are praying for you. be strict with yourself.once you resist a desire or temptation next time it becomes a little more easier and by constantly resisting such provocations you will become stronger and one day they will not bother you at all.

    iam writing a little bit in urdu as seems like you are more comfortable in it. meri behan aap Allah ka bohat shukar ada kareen kay us ne app ko is gunah ki zindagi se jaga diya hai.Allah aap se bohat piyaar karta hai aur us say aap ka ye ghunah nahi dekha gaya aur us ne aap ko aik mooka aur diya hai. is mookay ko zaya na honay daina. shaytan hum ko tarha tarha kay harboon se gunah gar bananay ki koshish main laga rehta hai ,ye hamara imtehan hai ke hum is se jung kareen aur allah ki panah mangein.

    meri behan, jab aap ko koi baat poochni ho ,ya baat karni ho,ya kisi doost ki zaroorat ho tu zaroor hum logoon se baat karein, is se aap ko mazboot banien mein madad milay gi.

    apna khayal rakhain, Allah se madad mangain.

    shaytan ne Allah se mohlat mangi ke mein loogon ko gumrah karoon ,Allah ne us ki bhi baat sun li ,tu allah aap ki baat kyun nahi sunay ga aur aap ki madad kyun nahi karay ga. so be hopeful.

    friend.

  6. ITS V EASY.. STOP WATCHING PORN....

    ALL THE BEST

  7. AOS
    aap es tarah kara ka soba ko namaz paraha aur us ka bad (sorat tobah)(yaseen rahman molak aur muzamal sorat) ke talawat kara aur sath ma pane be rakha ak sorat phrna ka bad pane ma phonk mara aur last ma wo pane pe la Pora 21 den complet sort paraha aur aapna gonaho ke mafe manga Raat ko aap jalde sona ke koshesh kara
    namaz ka bad 500 dafa darod sharef jo namaz ma pharta ho wo paraha es ka bad jab aap sona ka leya lata to ak baar (eatal kurse 4 kul aur jrtne sorat aap ko yaad ho wo pharte pharte so jaya
    enshlah aap thek ho jaya ge
    aur ak bat ya sab kutch aapne bahan ko b karaya
    jab aap ka mind khab ho us waqat chote bahan ko chaheya ka aap ko danta
    aur us ka zahan ma bat aya to aap usa danta
    es tarah sab kutch thek ho jaya ga
    laken aakher ma ak baat toba satcha dill sa karne ha
    jab aap ko mind kara to us waqat foran wazo kara aur nafal paraha
    apna app ko kese na kese kam ma masrof rakha jes sa aap ka khayal badal jaya

  8. dear imaan,
    as ur name is very good, your character can be good in same way, i was also used to it, and was in same satuation, but i am male and you are female, i used to say this is last time i will never do it,but i would have done again and again, i donnot want to post my all story, how it had happend and how i treated, but if u want the i can tell you, send me mail, i will tell u, inshallah sab bahtar ho ga, my mail is **********

    thanks,

    • Waqar,

      We have removed your email address from your post. Exchanging of emails address between non-mahrams is not part our policy on IslamicAnswers.com as we try to follow Islamic guidelines.

      If you have sincere advice to give the sister, you can give it here publicly on the site.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com, Editor

  9. thanx sister z,that guy is such a jerk! remember woman never trust a non mahram in a room of a man and woman there is always a third SHAYTAAN.

    • Nadheerah,

      Waqar may have some sincere advice to give the sister, so please no name calling. That is not nice.

      Sometimes we all need to be reminded of how to conduct ourselves with non mahrams.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com, Editor

  10. Salams my dear sister Imaan,

    I can understand what you are going through and the anxiety you experience. Nevertheless,

    sexual urges aren't unnatural, but they have to be enjoyed the right way. From what you wrote,

    you seem to be very young and too young to get married. Shahwa is an important urge, and

    as we know, incest, masturbation and pre-marital sex are haram. I don't think that fasting or

    separating bedrooms is sufficient, or helpful; it sounds to me like the "Catholic" or "evangelical"

    version i.e. suppressing desires.

    Distracting yourself with praying or fasting is not bad, but Islam is the religion of sexual enlightenment

    and the greatest sexual revolution wasn't fought by the West in the 60's, but by our holy Messenger(s.a.v.s.)

    1400 years ago.

    There's nothing wrong with getting married at your age, studying for school and still, having a halal

    way of approaching a man. Even if you may not have the financial means( or your husband), the

    Nikka can be read and you can live with your parents until your husband can earn a living. But

    this marriage will give you the opportunity to sleep with him in one room, share intimacy in a halal

    way and find the love of your life with the philosophy of the prophet. When you look for the right

    person of character(manners, akhlagh) and marry this person, you'll have a happy relationship.

    And getting married at a young age in Islam isn't recommended without reason. When you are

    young, the urges, feelings and sexual desires are stronger and you are more hot blooded and

    prone to those feelings than at 25 or 26 or at an older age.

    Watching porno movies is haram and I agree with the sister above that you should stay away from

    this. The parents should control the "Internet" behaviour of their children, but you are old enough

    to make own decisions and shouldn't violate your parents' trust.

    Getting married early is important and unfortunately, this is neglected by Muslims today. The most

    important part is the Nikkah, the prophet said: An Nikka sunnati- the nikka is my Sunnah.

    Two human beings aren't the same. The sexual desire of two people isn't the same. Talk to your

    parents and make them understand that marriage is a possible solution. You can move together

    and study for years before you build a family. But do get married, your desires aren't unnatural.

    If they are nurtured by porno movies, stay away from the movies; if the desires are there without them,

    get married in a halal way, the Nikkah of the prophet Muhammad.

    It is fine to make sure that this incident never happens again in terms of family relations with your sister,

    separating rooms etc. But it is an outright fallacy and a mistake to suppress a basic human instict for

    years.

    Wassalam

    Wish you all the best

    • Assalamu alaikum. Jannah I L♥√ع ur advice bit by bit. There isn't anything left out. Imaan shuld be glad of you guys I mean all of you that contributed. May Allah give you jannah.

  11. Dear,
    As you mentioned somewhere in your note that you are doing pray, duwa and reciting the Holy Qura'n. The Qura'n clearly says: "Prayer prevents, avoides and stop us from wrong doing". This is the word and the gurantee of Allah. There is no doubt in it.
    But our prayer and duwa are not acceptable there may be some reasons for that. But I advice you to go some fize (pure) people who realy fears from Allah and get some advice and duwa from them. My advice to you to repetance truly Allah from the deep pf ypur heart. Avoid from those people who they are not care at all and encourage you to the wrong way. Stop your relation and friendship with them. Read the A'ya Kursey and the last two suras and chop it on yourslef from the top to the end. Read Droud as much as you can especially on Friday night.
    I also advise you to make friendship with some Muslim sisters and good families. I am sure they might be able to help you how to stop you. I am sure if you contact with some Islamic Muuslim female organisations and institutions Insha Allah you might be successful and would be protected from the temptions of Satan.
    I also advise you not to share somethings with other which are not necessary to be said. If you refer truely to Allah He will guide you to the true way and return you from the wrong way. He is the only almighty Allah can guide and protect you. If you are honest in your saying so this is my advice to you to make your relation with Allah. He will accept your repetance and you will be absolutely protected from all wrong doers.
    Now it is realy up to you whether you want to make your relation with Him or not? I am sure as said that you are a good girl and you were a good girl. Allah is Karim, if you refer to Him back and make your strong decision because the controlling of nafs is not easy, but we have to be very strong beleivers. If we are stong beleivers so satan can do nothing. My last advice to you is try to stop the desire of your nafs and beside of that if you find someone for marriage or nikah please do not hesitate about it. Marriage is the best thing for all of us. It is the sunna of the propehet of Muhammad (pbuh). If you make your decision and start your friendship with good muslim sisters Insha-Allah you will be successful in your life. Try not to be committed again. We will pray for you to Allah to stop you from this habbit anymore and your sister as well. May Allah return you from that. Amin!

  12. iman,

    you know why Islam prefer to get married by the age of 15 or 16, as soon as possible, bz of this reason,
    we have this built in but we hve to do it in right way, see all around us there are three kind of people,
    1. who do it in wrong way
    2. who do it in right way
    3, who do it but they say we donnot do.

    i donnot know who r u, i donnot know about ur face anything, but i would like to marry you, if you want.
    if you are confessing that it is wrong, and you want to save ur self so get married i am not condition, whith
    any good guy, who support u, and share your all matters and problems
    zeeshan

  13. maybe it would help if you posted a detailed description of what it is your sister and you do together when you are naked. i would be VERY interested in hearing the specifics of your times alone.

    • Muhammad,

      Grow up and get a life mate. People come on this site for genuine help and advice, not to hear perverse rubbish from the likes of yourself. Seriously, wash your brain and mouth out with soapy water and then try and say something more useful, otherwise please stay away from this site.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • thats right. Will u just grow up. Seriously its is disgusting to think about wat u just sed. Thats rite sister tell him off.

  14. actually masturbation is normal...
    but if it hinders in your studies then it should b stopped with immediate affect.
    no habit can be given up in a go.
    so dont panic if u still masturbate...
    just believe in allah....
    and utilize all your time in studies and give up all such gadgets , toys etc which arouse sexual feeling....
    I m also a girl and I also used to masturbate a lot....
    But with passage of time i could give away my habit....

  15. sister Z, i think muhammad cannot fathom how females have sex with each other,he want to know how that is possible. muhammed sister z is right,people come for advice and not to be mocked. i think u are taking this case lightly,it happens,so advice or keep mute.

  16. i also have the same problem.i have an imam for you here is my email id, contact me iam secure from this habit

    (Editor's note: I removed your email. There is no need for private contact with this person - Wael).

  17. Get Married immediate, and leave it Zinha.

  18. assalam o alaikum.alhamdulilah im a muslim.i also read the above para's.im also one of the fool who is watching porn pictures,videos and everything which includes sex.im ashamed to tell but its true.i always try to avoid it.but i cant.but now i will try again because after studying the above para's i came to know that im in initial stage.im now 22 years old.please pray for me.may ALLAH forgive me and all muslims who are involved in this dirty habit.thanks.

    • salaam dear sis - i appreciate that im late in replying - im sorry about that. I just wanted to say this is a sin of the eyes - you can leave it be positive. I had a similar problem for many years (im the same age) but alhumdulilah it has been a long time since i have made that mistake. You must repent. Ask Allah swt to help u an purify u. Il share with u how I did it:

      What to do:

      - Acknowledge that its a sin. Make sincere tawbah.
      - Get closer to Allah swt and to Islam. If you walk towards Allah He will run towards u
      - Do u do salat? If not, start! Do your fardh at least. If thats too difficult start with 3 a day an build up but
      dont leave it. If you already pray 5x try tahajjud - wake up half an hr to an hour before fajr, read quran and
      pray nafl. All of this will strengthen u InshaAllah.
      - Do extra fasting if you can - this extinguishes desire. The prophet SAW recommended single people
      who couldnt marry to fast.
      - ALWAYS ALWAYS in all duas ask Allah swt to help u overcome/stay away from this, even if you stop watching, never stop asking for His help (The battle with temptation never really ends - its hard - but the consolation is your efforts will not go unrewarded!).

      When u get tempted:
      - Remember shaytaan is trying to lead u astray

      - Remember that Allah swt is watching u always. You wouldnt watch such things in front of family, why have the shame to in front of your Creator.

      - Remember that we will be raised up doing our last deed. This really scared me - we dont know when we will die. That moment u are indulged in such things could be your last. May Allah save us from such things!

      - Dont be alone- go somewhere where theres family or people (As long as enviornment is halal) Busy yourself with something.

      - Dont focus on the burning desire - it will drive u mad - think about the shame u feel afterwards, the guilt.

      - Ask Allah to help u. Think of Jannat, think of Jahannam. Remember death and that u will be questioned.

      Steps to take:
      - Move computer/tv to shared part of house.
      - Lower your gaze when around opp sex.
      - Dont read/watch romantic/ sexual stories or anything which could flame ur desire.
      - Try t control ur thoughts - this is extremely difficult but ask Allah swt to help u
      - Try to busy yourself in good things. Maybe take up a sport (as long as theres no fitnah in it) to channel the energy into something else.
      - maybe think about getting married if u can?
      - dont give up and be positive. tell yourself everyday when u wake up that u CAN do it, that Allah will reward u for your efforts and He will help u.

      The first few months/so will be v hard, but it will get easier the longer u stay away. Be prepared for this. Make pure intention to refrain to please Allah swt and to avoid His wrath. If you do fall into sin, dont despair, make tawbah and pick yourself up and try again. (Not an excuse to do it)

      VERY USEFUL: What has alhumdulilah worked wonders for me is an islamic note I keep above my computer. If I feel inclined to sin, I look up and it reminds me. I will write it shortly IA. This is risky though in case others see it. What I did is I put several notes on comp (some about knowledge and other islamic topics)

      Here is the note which worked for me:
      The whispering of the devil is the starting point of all evil deeds. It begins as a whisper and turns into an evil thought. Then the devil pictures the thought in your mind and turns it into a desire,which later becomes a will.He then makes you forget all the consequences and belittles the outcome of the sin,until you see nothing but the fulfilment of your lust.It is in this stage that the devil dispatches his soldiers to urge you to achieve your desires whenever you show any neglience.
      (Ibn Qayyim - Tafsir Surah Nas)

      I hope this works InshaAllah - sorry for the long post -
      May Allah swt keep you, me and all the Ummah away from sin!
      Ameen
      Muslimah

  19. thanks to all for having such a positive thinking thanks! be happy!

  20. Umair,

    I completely disagree with you. In such a case where the sister is involved in a seriously dangerous haraam relationship as incest, she should never be advised to withdraw from it 'slowly'. She must be encouraged to leave it immediately and she must be reminded of the punishments she would incur.

    Being in her vulnerable and weak state, what if she were to think your advice was good and it encouraged her to indulge in haraam relations with her sister one more time? What if in this one last time, her soul was taken by Allah? She may never be forgiven; and then what would you answer to Allah after offering such advice?

    ***Please think before you give advice, especially about such serious matters.

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • I am in the same situation but i am older and i need help, i have repented and trying my best to be close to allah but i am not sure what i should do or what to say to sister as i love her very much and we have always been close. How to forget about whole situation?

      • Also i want to know how i can have a good relationship with family again as i am very depressed, i know what i did was wrong and cant get over it. I want to be a better person and i want things to be normal again, how can they forgive me and what should i do because i am very scared, i didnt realise what i did was wrong

        • Dear Sister,

          I am very concerned about you. We want to help you here inshaAllah, so I hope you will continue writing here. Can you answer the following questions:

          ~ How old are you?
          ~ How old is your sister?
          ~ Who initiates the physical relationship? Yourself or your sister?
          ~ Does she become angry with you if you try to reject her?
          ~ How long has this been going on?
          ~ Does anyone in your family know about this?

          Do write back very soon inshaAllah and if you would prefer to speak to one of my female colleagues or myself privately by email, I can arrange that.

          SisterZ
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  21. as some users said. stop watching those movies.
    Get any other subject which you can handle and dont think about movies. destroy the cds or dvds.

    final advise to get married very soon. AND tell the truth about your past to your husband.

    I have one bitter truth in my life which i decided to tell my wife/engaged before the nikah that MY dad never died with normal death ....he did commit suicide.

    • Your advice to the sister to stop watching the movies and to destroy any haram materials is good; but I COMPLETELY disagree with your advice to tell her future husband about her past. Most men would reject her after learning about this. She should make tawbah and leave it in her past, and not tell anyone, including her husband.

      Consider also that some marriages do end in divorce, and sometimes when this happens the individuals involved are bitter and expose each other's secrets to the world. It's a terrible thing, but it happens. When you tell one person, a secret is no longer secret. Let it remain between her and Allah, and no one else.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  22. yes its true that when we watch porn movies we also want to do sex with our closely relation person, we shud avoid pornography slowly slowly we will get success inshallah.

  23. you get married immediate, and leave it Zinha

  24. May Allah alleviate your burden.

  25. First of all, I have the same feelings toward my sister, I'm a guy. I don't know I love her, but things comes in mind all often....I watch lots of porn, and I think because of that my mind is dirty....so I would say the best to stop watching porn, and since you already have done the activities with your elder sister, you should stop being close to her, and even talk with her....I don't know how could you stop something you already started, but first thing first don't watch porn.

    • Brother,

      It is not at all normal to have such feelings towards your sister. By watching porn and other such haraam material, you have polluted your mind and this has led to a spiritual disease of the heart. If you let these thoughts harbour and play in your mind, they will develop and could cause major destruction.

      Repel your thoughts, by doing immense tawbah, lower your gaze and rid yourself of such haraam material. Involve yourself with other brothers in Islamic activities, fast, recite Quran and pray Salaah regularly. And also do your best to find a good wife and settle down very soon.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  26. Bismilahi-Rahmanir-Rahim
    As-Salam-Waileikum Sister:

    I am a converted Muslim who struggled all my life with addiction. I know is hard. Only an addict can understand and help another addict. You probably are trying a lot of things that don't work coming from people that don't understand your struggle. you are probably are getting accusations from people who have no idea what is like to be in your shoes. I know. Been there.That's why Prophet Mohamed (PBUH) would ask the sanity of a person before even giving a verdict for punishment even in case of adultery.

    Sister I struggled all my life with drugs. I left that all past. But I am still struggling with my exaggerated sexual desires. I understand what you are going through.

    One of the brother's mention marriage. He is right, but marriage doesn't just come to your door knocking. I don't know if you ever tried medication...

    Sister before Shahada I struggled!!!! for over 5-6yrs to overcome an addiction that lasted longer than that. Coming in and out of hospitals, therpaist, etc...sister my Fear of Allah and Judgment Day even before shajada kept me fighting, do not give up. I overcame cocaine and other drugs, you would have slips, get up and fight again.

    Sister Prophet Mohamed (PBUH) mentioned the use of medicine in a hadith. Don't have it at hand. The Qurán encourages to NOT GIVE UP. Try all resources. I have seen studies of what happens to the brain when you get this desires, it becomes overheated, that part of the brain that you use for judgment becomes overheated and you can't control the desire. That's why you need to seek a profesional. Trust me.

    Don't get discourage because you did it again. Don't get discourage because you might of sear by I Allah I won't do it again, and then you do....make astaghfar, get up again, stand up again and fight, fight, fight, fight , fight......do not give up. it won't just pass overnight. This is Jihad, ...you fight!!!!

    MAY ALLAH REWARD YOU FOR SEEKING HELP, MAY HE REWARD YOU FOR YOUR STRUGGLE, MAY ALLAH REWARD YOU FOR TRYING, FOR YOUR INTENTIONS, REMEMBER HIM MUCH AND HE WILL REMEMBER YOU, AND FEAR HIM AND HIM ONLY AND NOBODY BUT HIM.

    As-Slam-Wailikum.

    • Dear Felipe, Walaykumsalaam,

      MaashaAllah you have overcome your drug addiction. I am sure your struggle was a very tough one.

      And JazakhAllah for sharing your personal account, InshaAllah it will encourage many people to keep fighting against their nafs.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  27. Salam
    im sorry but as im new i dont know where 2 complain but as he commented for this post i thought 2 write my complain in this post
    Moderator i have to complain about this person "rafik chutya muslim"

    I dnt think he is a muslim , n u can read his comment made for this post its in hindi

    I guess hes a hindu in the id of a muslim

    Plz banned him and the likes of him , for polluting the forum

  28. Plz im trying to banned him bcoz i think he is not a muslim but he has writing something which is offending 2 allahtalah n islam
    if u can read his comment u will surely find out
    The comment made is in hindi

  29. Plz im telling to banned him not bcoz i think he is not a muslim but he has writing something which is offending 2 allahtalah n islam
    if u can read his comment u will surely find out
    The comment made is in hindi

  30. Please write your response in English. This website is for people who communicates in English. So it's not fair to others who don't know your language.

  31. You need to make Taubah sincerely to Allaah. and know that Allaah forgives all sins except the sin of shirk if a person in that state. And may Allaah protect us. And do not despair of Allaah's Mercy. Inshaa Allah you need to be married, so that you can fullfill your desires in a lawful way.

  32. Get Married, this is the best Salvation of your problem

  33. hi dear brothers and sisters i have the same broblem porn moviesand also online videos many many times itry to stop but i stop for amonth or less than a month then start watching again i don.t know what should i do
    to leave it for ever and ever and also i am a married man and i pray salat now from last 2 weeks i start to do tasbi of 99 name.s of allah tallah every day one name a day inshallah i will do it till 99 days but still i need you guys help too
    please help me and make dawa for me

  34. As-salamaleikom Iman,

    First and foremost, I would like to say very good for you for admitting you have the problem. The next thing to do is to stop thinking about sex and pornography. If you have the urge to do it again, stop yourself and change your mindset to do another useful meaningful activity. Fasting helps and so does making dua and practicing the 5 time prayer. However if you feel you have done all of this and are still bored, try working out, go for a jog while wearing the hijab, try to make some muslim girlfriends and have get togethers with them, try to do anything that can get your mind of the sex. Like a previous sister said, remove all the pornography from your home period. If you use the internet, have someone you trust put a adult website blocker so you don't do it again. You will feel these urges for a week or so, and then eventually once your brain adjusts, it will stop completely. I would suggest marriage, but you are young, so fasting is recommended and working out. I was once in a similar situation like yours except I never had sex with anyone. I used to look at that filth so much, but then in my mind, I kept thinking why am I doing this? It is just a temporary feeling of love, but I don't feel truly loved. After realizing this, I just eventually stopped because some day I want to get married to a beautiful muslim woman that would love me for who I am and would not want me looking at pornography.
    I slowly began cutting back on the porn until I didn't want it anymore. I know it is a difficult path, but you have the power to change. Once you are off the porn, you will feel much more rejuvenated and healthier than the state you are in now, it is working for me. May Allah forgive us all.

  35. Salam!
    I am very dis-appointed to tell my story. I like to touch my sister because she looks very attractive to me. Whenever she sleeps i touch her but have no intention in doing intercourse with her. I just touch her body, but i know it is very wrong i am trying to control myself a lot but unable to. My mother is aware of it now and she abused me many times and said it is wrong this and that. My sis is 20 years old and i am elder. Please tell me how to get rid of such situation. She sleeps and becomes more attractive her body gets exposed and i become unable to control myself. I dont wanna touch her but my nafs is out of control please help me.

    • Asalaamualaykum

      'Unknown' - normally I would tell you to log in and submit your question as a separate post, but I feel the need to answer immediately. What you are doing is extremely and majorly wrong! And you may not have the intention to have intercourse with her 'yet', but this can very easily change.

      When someone sleeps, it is normal for the body to be revealed, and that is why brothers and sisters are supposed to sleep in separate rooms. Do you sleep in the same room with your sister? If yes, why? And if you sleep in separate rooms, why are you going into her room at all? What do you mean by saying that your mother abused you? If she tells you that what you are doing is wrong, she is absolutely right.

      Please log in and submit your question as a separate post and be sure to answer the questions I have asked you.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  36. my story is the same my stupid son is trying to touched my daughters who r 12 n 10 years n he is 15 ,i saw him ,and i warn him he said sorry this n that ,but he did it again n again ,iam so sad i dont know wat to do ,when ever he find a chane on line he want to use it on dirty porn things ,iam so sad what is going on with me ya Allah please help me ameen ,he know that is harram but still ,

    • mother, I'm sorry to hear about your problem with your son. Please log in and write your question as a separate post, and we'll try to advise you Insha'Allah. In the meantime, do not leave your son alone with your daughters, and talk with your daughters so that they know not to let anyone touch them inappropriately.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  37. Salaam dearest sisters. How do I get my husband close to me. He is somebody that is so secretfull. He does things well for us, but the problem is he never sits with me and discuss issues whatsoever. The bigger problem is he doesn't like praying his obligatory prayers. Please help me how do I do? I want to be close with him. The way we where before we got married. Thanks.

  38. when you want see sex video that time yoy do namaz and think of allah

  39. I have a similar problem i touch my older sister while she sleeps and lift up her kameez and bra. i then sucked her breasts and because she is a deep sleeper i decided to look at her vagina. i then had intercourse with her. she woke up and at the start was angry but then she didnt mind. what should i do. now when we are home alone she always wants me to have sex with her.

    • Salaams,

      This is a very serious and sick problem. Someone need to be told about what's going on, because this is sexual abuse. Neither she nor you seem to have the self control to stop this behavior on your own, so an adult or authority figure needs to be involved to ensure this never happens again. In addition, you in particular need professional help to combat these desires, as they are not natural.

      -Amy
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  40. I feel so sad reading this unknown you rally really need to stay away from your sister ASAP this is a no no you need to pray to Allah 24/7 to forgive you.This is really sad I'm sorry is sad.you need to get help talk to somebody about this.

  41. im 26 years old and addicted to porn movies from quite some tym. i want to get rid of this habit coz i feel i have become a pervert thinking about the sex all the time. i really want to give up plzz help

    • Salaams,

      There are plenty of posts that deal with this topic. Please search our archives and in shaa Allah you will find what you're looking for.

      -Amy
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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