Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I´m afraid my parents won´t accept my boyfriend

In Love

My boyfriend is white, he doesn't drink or smoke, he is honest and hard working and will do anything for me. I trust this man with my life. Although he isn't muslim he lives his life as any muslim would. He is well-known amongst friends as honest and trustworthy. He is charitable and very kind. He is strictly monogamous and disagrees strongly with premarital sex. He is a man of his word and  In so many ways, he is just like my father.

I am lucky in the sense that my parents would never reject a man on the basis of the colour of his skin. However, I am studying a degree that will lead me to a respectable, well-paid job. He is planning on starting a small business and it is unlikely to ever pay even half of what I will earn.

My mother knows about him, my father doesn't. In the past, I have talked about my marriage to him with my mother, and she has said that the only objection she would have would be about his future career. I don't know what my father would say about it, although I am certain he would not reject him on racial terms.

I love my boyfriend more than anything. It breaks his heart to think that my parents don't think he's good enough for me, and it breaks my heart to know that my parents won't see past his ambitions and see the man that he really is.

We are both young and don't plan to marry for a few years yet.

Nokia


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3 Responses »

  1. As salamu alaykum, Nokia,

    I had to read your post a couple of times, because it confuses me, are you muslim? Please sit down, and don´t get scared when I talk to you, I see you are young and deeply in love, and what I am going to say may have an strong impact on you, please take it with calmness and see that there is always an open door, I don´t want to hurt you by any means, I just want to open your eyes, and I am afraid this will be as a cold shower, then please if you are muslim, once you read this learn about your deen and look for solutions, don´t get dissapointed, see it as an opportunity to grow as muslimah, insha´Allah.

    If you are, have you mention your parents, he is not muslim and that you are dating him?

    If you are muslim, I will tell you a few things, that it seems you don´t know.

    As muslimah, you cannot date a man, then you cannot have a boyfriend.

    I am afraid to give you bad news but a muslim woman is only allow to marry a muslim man.

    He is an excellent human being, I don´t doubt about it, this is not a question of race or social status, this will go to your roots as muslimah.

    Please think about it in the right terms, it is will be a question of roots.

    If you need further advice or you need anything, please let us know, we will be here to help you, insha´Allah.

    All my Unconditional Respect, Love and Support,

    María
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Sister
    i agree with sister Maria. From your post I get the feeling that perhaps you are very young and have not been taught about Islam much.
    As a Muslim you cannot date him, let alone marry him.
    Its quite humorous that your parents are worried about his social class but not his religion- then again do they know the truth!
    So what I suggest you do is take yourself away from him, but before doing that explain to him that you cannot be with him as a Muslim- seek repentence my sister and if he truly loves you he will be willing to learn about Islam and all that it entails.
    Tell your parents the truth if they don't already know. But the reality is that there is never going to be successful future for you both if he remains non muslim no matter how rosy it may look right now.
    He does sound like a good human being, then he will need to understand where you're coming from.
    I pray and hope it all works out for you.

  3. Salaam my sister,

    Assuming that all other factors are in harmony I.e: you are both Muslim, you intend to inform your families of your union officially, you meet each other in public or within the presence of Mahram and so on and so forth, then here is what I have to say regarding the business issue.

    There is absolutely no way that you can predict the earning power or potential success of this man's plans for his future. Therefore it would be unfair to judge him based on this alone. By the same vein, there is no way that your studies will guarantee you a financially secure future.

    At this moment in time, for example, in the UK, the humble plumber is capable of earning £500k a year from his plumbing business, whilst the highly qualified general surgery doctor earns £100k a year. This is because trends and changes in economic climates dictate what will be successful and what will not.

    Therefore, it is highly unfair to attempt (in any way at all) to predict the future success of anyone of anything based on whether they will be starting a business or pursuing education.

    Peace,

    Leyla
    Editor, Islamic Answers

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