IslamicAnswers.com: Islamic Advice

Asalaamu Alaikum

I am writing with regards to a serious dilemma I am in and am in desperate need of some help/advice.

I recently asked a well known sheikh with a question regarding my khula application; whether my husband can demand anything from me when the marriage broke down due to his wrongdoings. The sheikh said that my husband does not have the right to demand anything in which case my divorce would be an annulment rather than khula. I was told that this was because if the husband is at fault, he can’t expect money or anything from the wife for her freedom and instead the wife can go to a qadi or shariah court for an annulment, provided she has evidence of his wrongdoings (which I have).

During my conversation with the sheikh, I happen to mention that my husband divorced me once (September 2011) verbally and in writing (I also have evidence of this) after I pleaded with him to release me. My father and brother initially put some pressure on him (no physical force or threat) but he still refused to divorce me (for his own selfish reasons- i.e. he knew if he divorced me, he would not get his visa to remain in the country). It was only when I pleaded with him to release me from this misery, promising that I will think about possible reconciliation, did he sign to say he divorces me and also pronounced it verbally once. After much thinking, I did not return to him as I was unable to forgive him for what he did. A short while later, thinking that this divorce may not be valid (due to my lack of knowledge on this matter) I filed for khula, which is still pending.

However, according to the sheikh, firstly the verbal and written divorce were valid unless my husband contested otherwise and prove that he was forced to divorce me (even though he wasn’t), which he has not done. Secondly, I should not have opted for khula, as my grounds for divorce do not require me to pay him for my release as the marriage broke down due to his wrongdoings. Instead I should have opted for an annulment.

Can you please shed light on the matters I have mentioned?

1)  is the verbal and written divorce from my husband valid i.e. under the sharia law, am I actually divorced (I have recorded and written evidence of the divorce).

2) if not, should I cancel my khula application and opt for an annulment instead?

3) should I do istikara to get a sign from Allah as to whether the divorce is valid or not?

My husband has made my life a misery and I really want to move on with my life so I would greatly appreciate it if anyone can help me on this matter.

I have contacted the people who are dealing with my khula application and they said to me that they want me to come in with the evidence and they will assess the evidence and take things from there and they also said that a sheikh cannot say such things from a ‘textbook’ unless he is willing to take on my case.

I just feel I am being messed around and am not getting a clear answer from anyone. I feel as though I am just a ‘case number’ whereas my life is being turned upside down. All I want to know is that is the verbal and written divorce my husband gave me as mentioned above valid or not? Please help!

- shazkay