I am ashamed of asking for forgiveness again.
assalamualikum
I am 24 and completed my study. I am married for four years. my husband is living in other country for his job.I live with my family, he communicates 2 to 3 times in a month in general, sometimes more. In these years he came once but here i don´t have any problem. I´m normally was ok but for 2 to 3 years I´m doing a disgusting, shameful sin for what I am truly ashamed, when i m alone I watch dirty sex videos in net and start masturbating, I know this is sin but I do it and when finished i just feel myself disgusting but cann't control at that time. I even made tawba many times, promised never to do this again and promised to continue my prayer regularly but I broke my promise and started doing it, again I promised and again I broke for 2/3 times more.
This is not what saitan doing,this is me coz i know what is good and bad and Allah has given us power to control from doing bad so this is my liabality what i do, now even I feel ashamed to make tawbah to Allah as i know what tawbah means and I am grown up, understanding adult make this repeating. May Allah forgive me and help me.
I don´t know if Allah will forgive me ever as i know how disgusting I am. I am really ashamed of asking for forgiveness and doing tawba again. Allah knows I understand and after then I repeat it after tawba also but that time I cann't control myself but later on i just feel so horrible and i am not enough for my own hatred.
What can i do to stop it? Will Allah ever forgive me again ? Because I broke my promise to Allah so many times and tawba means one person won´t repeat the misdeed or the sin again after being sorry.
Sometimes i feel i should die so that i can stop this, I am not thinking of suicide. what can i do now? will Allah ever forgive me? before this i never felt need for this. even now i dont think or want to have sex but suddenly i do such disgusting things. i didn't tell my husband about this and i dont want to. i dont have very good relation with my husband but i try to do my responsiblity for him. my family still supports me. we have formal relation but now i also feel i m guilty of him. coz if he knew it he would also feel disgusting. I´m unable to share this with anyone.
pls can u tell me what to do?
saiyeda
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Dear Saiyda, Walaykumsalaam,
One of the main purposes of marriage is for you to enjoy the company of your spouse and to fulfil your physical desires in a halaal manner. But it seems that your marriage 'set up' is clearly not fulfilling your needs, so naturally you will be tempted to look else where for physical satisfaction. Why are you and your husband living separately? Who's idea was this? Is this just a temporary arrangement? You mentioned that you do not have a good relationship with your husband - why is this? How can you both possibly have a good relationship when you are living in different countries? This is the main issue here - the state of your marriage
I say its time for you to start talking to your husband clearly. That doesnt mean you tell him the things you are ashamed about, no. Instead you talk to him about actually moving in together, tell him that you want to live with him properly as husband and wife. Ask him if there is any reason why he does not want you to move to his place. If he is stopping you from living with him, this is completely wrong and it maybe time to involve your parents to aid open dialogue with him and his parents too.
***
You are worried that Allah will never forgive you for watching the sex videos and masturbating. But Sister, Allah knows your condition, He(swt) punishes accordingly. At the same time, yes, you do know that these things are haraam, so you must make a conscious effort to come out of this. Allah tells us in Surah Al Baqarah: "Surely Allah loves those who turn unto Him in repentance and loves those who purify themselves." [2:222] So do not be ashamed to ask for forgiveness, this is just shaytan trying to make you fall in to despair.
Also, see this Hadith Qudsi, where Allah(swt) tells us: "O son of Adam, as long as you call upon Me and put your hope in Me, I have forgiven you for what you have done and I do not mind. O son of Adam, if your sins were to reach the clouds of the sky and then you would seek My forgiveness, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, if you were to come to Me with sins that are close to filling the earth and then you would meet Me without ascribing any partners with Me, I would certainly bring to you forgiveness close to filling it."
So again, I will remind, do not fall further into despair because you feel ashamed to seek forgiveness. Instead, rise up and turn back to Allah because you want to leave the shameful deed.
And also in Surah Baqarah, Ayah 183, Allah(swt) says: "O you who believe, fasting is prescribed to you, as it was prescribed to those before you, that you may learn patience". Since Ramadan is upon us, use this blessed time to aquire patience, to move away from all shameful deeds.
Make sincere tawbah and make a conscious/practical effort to move away from the sin and Allah will forgive you, He(swt) promises that He(swt) will. If you find that you are returning to the same sin again and again, it is an indication that you need to make 'physical changes' in your life. So if you have not already thrown away the videos, do that now, remove the TV/DVD player/PC/Laptop from your room and move it to a public place.
See the following link on tawbah: http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/tawbah-in-islam/
***
However, as I said earlier, the root of this problem and the main issue is the state of your marriage. So the other very important physical change you need to make is that you talk to your husband about progressing your marriage forward together, either that or about both moving on your own ways, as there is no point in living apart all your lives, it is giving you nothing but misery. Do eveything you can to work things out first. Speak to him and involve the parents if necessary.
*Communication is the Key.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Ma-sha-Allah this is a very thorough and practical answer.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sister Saiyeda,
I came to this website searching for the same question, I am not married neither do I have a girlfriend, however, I like this girl and I believe she likes me, I hope she will be the person I marry, A few years back I did not have any belief in the higher power, when she entered my life I wanted her to be my world and I thought why not pray and see If God does really love us and grant my wish. I prayed that evening and for my surprise as unusual as it was she started a conversation and I of course continued to talk with her. From that day on I believed Allah may actually exist however my desires such as masturbation took over my loyalty, after masturbating each time I felt guilty and suicidal as I always ended up believing I did not deserve this beautiful girl, but I have come to learn If we take the necessary precautions Allah may forgive us. Watching dirty movies was not one of my problems because I was able to imagine sexual moments and this is harder to quit, I do continue to keep trying and whenever I get the desire I watch an old cartoon that reminded me of my childhood and that is my cure now. So Sister, It's never too late to quit and we can all find a cure because we're sick and every sick person is bound to have a cure.
Assalamu alaikum.
There is no issue but nafs/self. There is no solution but spiritual obedience to Allah, A Law Most High.
Islamic intention is the key (to the only Paradise). La ilaaha illa Allah. True Tawba and Istaghfar.
Subhani Allah. This is such a thought provoking, thoroughly satisfying and comforting answer! I had tears running down my face as I read the quotations.
It boggles me to learn of the magnitude of Allah's love. Can we, such sinners, really be love THAT much by Him??
I bow down in gratitude.
Jazak Allah. You touched hearts with your answer.
This is the best answer I could ever find. Thanks a lot. May Allah SWT bless you. Amen. I am a male 18 years old, and got this same problem, I just cant stop it myself. I pray again and again to Allah SWT and ask to help me to stop this. I know one day my dua will be accepted InshAllah. I am going to marry after 2 years but till then I don't know how am I going to stop it. I am afraid to tell my parents, plus I am their only child, AlhamduLillah I pray 5 times daily, and I know this sin is a form of Adultry, but I myself is weak in front of Shaiytan. When my parents go out then I do such. I just don't know how to stop doing it. :'(
Once Hadhrat Moulana Maseehullah(Rahmatullah alayhi) advised a person who complained bitterly about his evilness and extremely weak spiritual state that: " Do not focus so much on your sins,rather use your energies making tawbah."
The person responded by saying : " Hadhrat,every time I make tawba I break my tawba. So what is the sense of me making tawbah?"
Hadhratjee replied: "Clean clothing gets dirty after a day or two. It is understood that the clothing needs to be washed. No one says " What is the sense of washing my clothing. It will get dirty again. " Similarly,the soul gets dirty when sin is committed. Just as one regularly washes and changes ones clothing,so is there a need to 'wash' the soul regularly even though you fear that you will sin again"
Never give up hope in the mercy of Allah Ta'aala and never stop asking for forgiveness. The day will come when you intend doing wrong but remember your tawbah.
Sister Saiyeda,
I would advice you to just stop watching porn movies thats the beginning of sin and it leads to Zina sometimes,when you are alone and feel like doing something then just make a call to your husband and say i really miss you try to make good relation with him be expressive because he's the only one who can satisfy your needs and if you hide your emotions from him no solution will come out but haraam,by masturbating,divert your mind from that thing,try to read good books,read hadith and just make yourself strong enough to go against your nafs,i know its hard but make yourself busy and tell your needs to husband if you cant say about what you have done then atleast tell him that u really need him and your body too,you can have phone sex with your husband to feel his presence,try to get out of communication gap..i know if you try somewhere he'll feel...
May Allah guide u and all of us to right path Ameen.
phone sex is not the solution as this encourage for masturbation.
I disagree with you because I don't think phone sex would actually benefit her in any way considering that she started above she doesn't have a good relation with her husband.
Assalaam walekum wa rahmatullahi wa baraktuhu sister Sayieda,
Please remember Allah never puts more stress on a person than what he/she can bear.And no calamity strikes you without HIS knowledge.
Secondly from the books of righteous:
Once a man who was committing endless sins was passing through a desert.Suddenly he saw a skull of a human. So it striked to his mind that one day Allah will recreate all from dead. He had reflection of his sins, and immediately he prostrated and wept. Asked Allah in the state of prostration forgiveness and said Ya Allah I have been repeatedly committing sins and asking for forgiveness.Now I cannot take it anymore , I am being disloyal to you.And he decided not to lift his head from place of prostration.
Then a voice came saying: O my servant by committing sin and asking forgiveness you have done your part, now its my turn to respond and forgive you.Raise your head, you are forgiven.Its my job to forgive the ones who ask for.I am not tired of forgiving.
A moment of reflection is worth than years of praying.
So sister please dont feel ashamed of asking for forgiveness to HIM.
May Allah protect you from what you see and not see.
Aamin
Allah Hafiz wa Nasir
mashallah i love this answer
VERY SATISFYING ANSWER!!
Truly very satisfying answer
Jazak Allah
Assalamalaykum,
Thank u very much for ur guidance and support, I just type the same question in google and searched, thats how i came to this page and when I read it i just could not stop my tears.
I am single. I make tawba and fall to these sins, again i make tawba again i fall into sins. it happened so many times that there was a moment in my life, I was ashamed of asking allah for forgiveness. But what you say is very much true sister allah swt doesn't get bored of forgiving us. I also give sadaqah(charity) and ask allah for forgiveness.
I want to include this here.
In addition to tawbah and istighfar (repenting and seeking) we must also give al-sadaqah (alms to poor) Al-sadaqah is one of those good acts that is directly received by Allah SWT.
Allah SWT says: "Do they not know that Allah is He Who accepts repentance from his servants and takes the alms.." (9:104)
There were some muslims who did not accompany the holy Prophet (SAWW) on the expedition of tabuk. when the holy Prophet (SAWW) returned to madina, several verses were revealed to condemn these muslims. Fearing the punishment of Allah SWT, Abu Lubaba and two other companions (who were among the gulity.) tied themselves to the pillara of Masjid and said the would continue to remain tied till death unless the holy Prophet (SAWW) untied them as a gesture of forgiveness. They were forgiven by Allah SWT and the following verses were revealed.,
" And there are others who have confessed their sins. They have mixed up a good action with another that was evil. It may be that Allah SWT will turn to them with mercy; Verily Allah SWT is forgiving, merciful. (9:103)
There is another verse linked " Take Alms out of their wealth; Thereby you will cleanse them and purify them; and pray for them " (9:103)
The holy Prophet SAWW has said, "Verily the alms will cool down the heat in graves for those who gave them; and on the day of judgement, a believer will remain in the shade of his alms"
The holy Prophet also said, " Verily Allah SWT becomes extremely pleased with one who extends his hand out to give alms; and one on whom allah is pleased with, He SWT forgives his sins."
May Allah SWT forgive us and all our brothers and sisters, May He protect us from these fitnas, until the day of judgement.
May Allah accept my good deeds and forgive me. Please I request from all those who read this to pray for my forgiveness and all who need it.
good. can u plz tell me that"is it allowed for indian muslim chartered accountant to grow bear on face in icai .plz tell me.
Wow what a sad story I feel really sad reading your post please just pray to Allah and he will forgive you insallah, like everybody said why are you so far away from your husband if you guys are married? If you guys were actually living togther this would never gonna go this far.I guess everybody is different my husband goes away for a month I could never do such a thing . I hope everything work out for you, and let us know what happen so we can try to give you advice sister.
never give up on the mercy of Allah swt.
I too have been watching Porn mostly at least once a week or more and I do masturbate and I am a guy. I am very young and I want to stop now! I've ask for forgiveness and to help myself I thought I'd always go online in a public place and inshallah I get fixed!
Read the answers given. We have also answered many similar questions, so do a search and see those as well Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Never despair in the mercy of ALLAH. Keep turning in tawba to HIM.drink Zamzam water daily and ask ALLAH for cure! You will IA see a change and hatred for this evil practice.
i had that problem too But Allah showed me a way to clear it Our Allah is soo Merciful and forgivness.And he gave me a good noor in Face. do not loose hope keep ask forgiveness.He forgive us.and try to keep away shaithan Pray to Allah.Allah huakbar
Use Zamzam water and ask continuously for forgiveness,step away from every avenue of filth
Internet and tv seem to be a major contributing factor to this addiction of masturbation.keep away from this and also lower your gaze as a lot of women are dressed but still nude.we need to surpass this challenge by affiliating with scholars and spiritual mentors
Make true tawba/Istighfar (in your heart) before death.
The only issue is our (nafs) self. Very simple. That's how all the drama started with satan and Adam (a.s) in the first place. The noblest deed is true humility/repentance. To blame sin (only) on the ego. Nothing else. Blame it on our nafs. Right. But how few of Allah's servants do that? Many need to repent from distracting others from true repentance.
The real solution is spiritual repentance. Even the closest married couples lust after others and cheat. Then what's the point? Faith is not physical. Truth is not physical nor about having eyes to see things. To suggest faith is physical is a suggestion most shameful. There is no half truth. There is only whole truth. The main focus of Islam is spiritual obedience to Allah. The Truth is in your heart.
Allah is A Law, Most High. My only pain is my sin. My only true sadness which Allah turns into happiness is true repentance. To feel true remorse/disgust over sin. To not be sure if Allah will Forgive yet still seek to repent and earn Allah's forgiveness. Learning to shun yourself is the greatest love of all. True lonliness means to isolate our true heart from nafs ammara and from everyone else's. That's the way to be for us to be alone and repentant.
I seek to feel safe in Islamic solitude. Audhu bika min sharri masanat. Allahumma inni zalamtu nafsi faghfirlee. Allahumma ajirna minan naar. Audhu billahi min sharri ma Khalaq. Astaghfirullah. Astaghfirullah wa atoobu ilayh. Astaghfirullah. Oh Allah please Help. Istighfar duas
Supplication from The Holy Qur-an
http://www.qurantoday.com/pray_distress4.htm
http://islam2011.tumblr.com/post/40116088767/repenting-for-the-same-sin-shaykh-ibn-uthaymeen
Oh Allah Please Help us repent. Before I die. Before we die.
Assalamualaikum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatu.
salam alaikum sister saiyeda,
first response was an excellent post that covered almost everything i wanted to say. however, i would like to add "the power of dhikr" as a remedy for sickness our hearts and minds. pick a specific tasbeeh and try to do a dhikr regularly on it. hope it will help inshaAllah
Asalamualikum
I have same problem. Im single and muslim girl. I tried to stay clean and all of a sudden I got the feeling that how come I havent done masturbation for so long and suddenly I did it again. Now im crying so hard and guilty sinful sitting and worries. I dont know what to do? Its very hard not to do it also its hard when I do it. I am ashamed as you and I am worried alot about god's punishment. Please help
masoma, there is no consensus among the scholars on the issue of masturbation, as there no clear prohibition against it in Quran or Sunnah. Some consider it haram and some do not. Personally I do not see it as haram and I think there's nothing wrong with letting off a little sexual tension now and then, as it can help protect one from zinaa. Just don't let it interfere with your ibadah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Masoma this is a trick from shaitaan. Masturbating is haram. Allah says to be dutiful to him in public and private. I know sister how bad it feels. But do not give up in the mercy of Allah. When u get such thought just go somewhere where there are people and then start watching some Islamic video of death. I am sure this will cure u.. Don't let the second thought come in ur mind. But even if u have done it. Don't get tired of asking Allah for forgiveness.. Allah loves the people who r guilty. Because he knows that we will turn back to him n cry for help.. Just keep a lot of distance from it. And just see how much noor will u have on face and how beautiful will ur life turn. Just Allah and Allah, N no one else. Haven't u ever felt like Allah helping u with ur problems at ur difficult time.. When Allah loves u so much and does so much to u when u still sin. Then don't we have a Lil Thanksgiving to Allah by praising him n asking him for forgiveness. Yes. We will not let shaitaan win. And we all know how merciful Allah is. We will never get tired of asking him for forgiveness... Summa ameen. Just remember that thought damages ur brain it is even considered scietenfically that masturbating damages ur brain by producing a chemical wanting to do more n more like a drug. It lessens ur memory and makes u feel very weak n lazy. Allah never States anything haram until n unless it harms u n ur body... So next time kick this thought by going in public anywhere where ppl are and then watching any Islamic video which reminds u of ur purpose for coming into this Duniya. Jazakallah khair angel. Never think that Allah has left u. U will always be Allah's favorite, all of y who think u have sinned Allah loves u more. Please never get tired of asking him for forgiveness. He will never ever get tired of u. But just make sure u don't play tricks with Allah by thinking that it's OK to sin cuz Allah will forgive u.. Remember that. Allah knows everything
Dear Masooma, have you ever given it a thought that it is your own body but still you have no control over it, why? you dislike this bad habit of masturbation but then you yourself tend to do it, why? there has to be a logical reason of everything. Let us analyze the reason why your body acts against your will. You are not just this body with five senses rather you are a combination of two entities, body and soull, the body has its own needs and desires and the soul has its own. The needs and desires of body are known to us and we keep striving to fulfill them as best as possible, however, we don't pay any attention to what all is required to our soul. Allah says in quran, "When your Lord said to the angels; surely i am going to create a mortal from dust; so when I have made him complete and breathed into him of My spirit, then fall down making obiesance to him." So dear, it is basically Allah's spirit in us that angels prostrated to, and therefore our soul has no other desire than Allah's "qurbat because it belongs to Him.
This body is just a wrapping for our soul and we use all our efforts to polish and shine the wrapping ( body) instead of focusing on making our soul powerful. Between body and soul, whosoever shall be given more feeding and attention would ultimately be more powerful. Your soul demands you to become pure at heart by following Allah's will but your body demands fulfillment of its own desires and since we keep feeding our bodies with things that it desires, therefore, body becomes more powerful than soul and it takes control of you and make you do disgusting things.
now coming over to specifically your problem, we should follow Prophet's (SAW) path. Hazrat Muhammad SAW says, " the son of Adam does not fill any pot worse than his stomach. It is enough for the son of Adam to eat a few mouthfuls to keep him going, but if he must ( fill his stomach), then one third for his food, one third for his drink and one third for air." Just see how beautifully we have been taught to control our bodies. Let me assure you that if your stomach is full as we eat now a days, it will never let your body follow the directions from soul rather when the stomach would be full, the female part of the body would start asking then for fulfilment of its desire, and then you would reject its demand once or twice in your head but it will overcome you. however, if you keep your stomach empty, the attention of the body would never go towards fullfilment of sexual desire because body would be having bigger problem ( hunger ) to handle. now i don't mean to say that you should not eat at all, all i am saying is that try to eat things that were preferred by Prophet SAW in daily routuine like fruits, dates, honey, vinegar, olive oil, vegetables and try to avoid heavy meals especially fast food, but off course, you will have to reduce your hunger and develop the habit of eating quite less. you will have to train your body and it might take some time for your body to get tuned to diet changes but if you keep going, your body would start responding according to your will and wish rather than against your will. hunger and sex are both inter-related, you reduce and purify one, the other would automatically become negligible, won't irritate you.
There are three other things that might help:
1. remain in "wuzuu" for as much time as possible (whenever use washroom, make "wuzuu")
2. refrain from watching unwanted things.
3. talk to Allah daily at night, fix a time and share your problems with Him daily with firm belief that He is listening.
Human beings are the best of creations and they have a bigger purpose, than becoming slaves to their desires.
Regards
Hi, i got to this page by searching the same topic. I am 32 single never been indulged in physical relationship + never had boyfriend. Couldn't get married because my father divorce my mom when i was 23 for no reason only because my grandmother invoked him to do so.. I also has same issue, feeling myself filthy & dirty. Though i am going through very tough situation but my this act made me so ashamed that i often left prayers & all that. I am never into porn videos just..... Can't help. It's a confession rather asking for suggestions. Please pray for me.
Dear Fellows,
The posts and comments i have read on this page have made feel that we are all indulged in sins in some way or the other.. I am 30 years old. Still unmarried. I don't remember exactly when i started committing these worst sins (porn movies and masturbation) .. But i have been doing them for all my life till day.. I have committed them 100000000s of times.. and believe me, I have made touba 100000000s of times.. Every time, i committ a sin, i feel bad about it, I curse myself, I seek forgiveness from God and I make a pact with God and me myself tht this was the last time, I did it,, I won't do it ever again.. But I can't understand how I end up being the same bloody Umair over and over again..
I have started reciting Quran these days with tarjuma.. And i have come to know that we will be asked about each and every deed on Doomsday. I feel so embarassed to see little children that I also used to be pure like them in my childhood.. I sometimes feel hatred towards my parents that they never married me in my teenage or twenties..
ALso I have read a quranic ayat that pure males are for pure females and pure females are for pure males.. SImilarly bad males for bad females and bad females for bad males.. I want to do touba and marry a good muslim girl but I think God will give me a filthy and sinner girl like me..
I know my post is too long.. But i believe someone will understand my situation and pray for me.. PLEASE GUIDE AND PRAY.
Waiting for Replies from you
Umair
Umair, it's been said that one definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again, and expecting a different outcome. What you have been doing (tawbah, guilt, istighfar, repeat) is not working. You have to make lifestyle changes that make it difficult or impossible for you to access porn, until you can break the habit. We've published many posts about this, so please search our archives, and may Allah help you to reach your goal.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
i too have same problem and i m single..but now i want to ask for full repentance from this....my question is, how can i ask for full repentence if this same sin i did during menses...i have asked for forgiveness immediately...but not sure whether to pray or not. should i wait to pray tauba prayer after my the ritual bath?
Sister Saiyeda,
I was once in your position and I was very ashamed, never spoke to anyone about it and I was moody most of the time. I started to ask Allah for forgiveness and guidance and alhamdulilah he helped me through the tough times I decided to get a hobby (reading Quran or watching Netflix ) and although I was tempted sometimes I thought about how embarrassed or ashamed I would be on the day of judgment and my parents my siblings would feel when they found out I watched inappropriate things.
Another thing that helps you is at night or whenever your tempted lock away all the electronic devices away someplace safe and go to your kids or siblings and play with them or take them out.
Don't forget to read Quran and never feel ashamed about asking for forgiveness to Allah
Hope this to helps you
i understand ur problem.i am 18 years old and I have been masturbation since I was in 5th grade.i always ask forgiveness from allah but tend to do the same mistake repeatedly.rven while doing it I do remember that it's a sin.but I am very weak.i wanna get rid of this habit.it seems to have occupied my brain.i am sincerely sorry for whatever I have done.i don't think allah loves me anymore.
"I don't think Allah loves me anymore."
Allah's love is boundless, as are his mercy and forgiveness. Do not limit Allah or try to impose your understanding on Him, glory be to Him.
In any case, the scholars are not unanimous in considering masturbation haram. Many say it is makruh (disliked but permissible), or simply permissible, as there is no specific prohibition against it in Quran or Sunnah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
aoa i want to ask something i have a problem i fall in love with my cousin i am 15 years old i dont know what happen to my heart when i watch him even he cannot talk with me because it is no in in our family more frankness of girls and boys i want to say is doing love with someone is wrong