Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am becoming distant from Allah because I see no marriage prospects.

marriage cannot be the sole 300x159 %photo

Salam,

I hope that with this post my feelings towards Islam will change for the better i'A. I'm 33 years old, female and i'm still single. I have tried every possible means to find someone who I am compatible with and have not had any luck so far.. rishta's stopped coming, (prob due to age) and I'm at a loss. I've been searching for someone for practically 10 years and have had no luck. I was selective before but the past few years have stopped being so. I've prayed so much to Allah, gave lots of money to masjids and back home, have had a khatam done by several people, did EVERYTHING possible...still nothing.

I don't know why this is happening. There is absolutely nothing wrong with me, i'm educated, attractive, independent, been working since I was 21, have a good job, good family, there is nothing in this that is against me. I've prayed so much and nothing seems to happen. I'm in and out of being faithful and praying. Sometimes I pray and then later on get so angry that there are no prospects that I intentionally stop praying and am angry at Allah. Then I feel bad and start praying again and this goes on and on.

I feel, i'A I would be a great wife and mother someday and I want that to happen now. Just don't think no one will want me at this age anymore. I know that Allah is testing me and Shaitaan is dragging me down, I know and understand this. Still I cannot help feel this anger. It's constantly on my mind and making me utterly depressed. I also feel suicidal, not that I would ever do it but sometimes would rather have someone do it for me..., just to take me out of this misery that I'm in right now. It's controlling my life and my happiness.

I'm not even sure if there are such things as being jinxed/someone putting evil eye/nazar on people..but sometimes I think this is the case. What else can be the explanation? Alhamdulillah i'm blessed in every other way with good friends and family and good health for most people, a job, money, etc.. why else can this not be happening? I don't know what Allah wants from me. I just don' know what to do anymore.. someone please help..

~asma5


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61 Responses »

  1. The picture above posted with this question is misleading and wrong . This picture does not really applies to this question . The picture quotes that marriage is not the sole purpose in life but in this question , the questioner has everythIng except marriage .

    • Lala,

      I'm the one who chose this image for this post and funnily enough I thought the same thing as you did. It may have been better to attach an image helping the sister to be patient. But I opted for this one instead because I know how it feels when patience runs dry...at that time, you need practical and positive distractions or rather other worthy causes to work on.

      Patience is good and should always be there in every situation, but we need to keep focussed and happy with other meaningful things whilst being patient otherwise we can fall into depression and anxiety. Ideally all of us will inshaAllah get happily married, but 'ideal' doesnt always happen. Marriage may happen, it may not happen, hence we cannot pin all our happiness on this one thing.

      I know that no amount of 'other meaningful things' can replace the need and desire for a life companion, but we have to keep striving to live a fulfilled life otherwise we can easily go under.

      I have alot more to say, but am limited since I'm typing from my phone, so apologies for the rushed response.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. hey asma... im sorry you feel this way ...but i must remind you in case you forgot... allah does everything for a purpose..if he hasnt given u someone to love then allah knows best..maybe you are better off without a husband..maybe when you get married you wont have it all like you used to...i used feel the exactly the same as you about being married .... i used to blame not being married on jinx/evil eye and say i have evrything exept a husband and i was so stressed out and depressed about it... becuase i figured i had no reason to be un wanted or not married at my age, speacially having so much pressure on me to get married...UNTIL ALLAH gave me the worst possible HUSBAND IN THE world that basically turned my whole life around...now.. iam just thankful to have left him and i never EVER complain again. Marriage isnt everything..it doesnt make you a better person or doesnt make your life better...lemme ask you this...how r u going to love someone else if you dont even love yourself? i just think ur being too hard on urself for marriage..It is supposed to just happen and you will find the perfect person for u.. but only allah knows when its best.. My life before i got married was perfect but I just wanted it ALL. I wanted everything...a job, nice life, school, looks, but i got it all exept the husband part. so i felt like i needed to get married to feel COMPLETE. So i rushed into a stupid marriage that i will probably regret forever and now im in the process of a divorce. Instead I should of been thankful for having it so great..thankful for allah not giving the biggest a@@ hole in the world to live with..but now im in it real DEEP. so i basically got what i deserved.. i just hope my experience helped you out girl...best of luck!

  3. Sister Lala,
    I reckon d message being depicted by this picture is that there is more to a girl's life than only marriage.

    The purpose of our lives is foremost to serve Allan Swt n be content with His decree. This reminds me of a great piece I read on suhaibbwebb.com, Wifehood n motherhood are not our only purpose in lives( I would have loved to copy the link but am using my phone but it can be found right on the website's homepage do check it out pls)

    Wasalam

  4. Asaalamalaikum,

    Reading your story i can say-When allah gives us problems it is not for the
    sake of punishing us he gives troubles for us bring closer to Him.

    I can give some hope to your life IF ALLAH WILLS....
    THERE ARE MANY REASONS FOR PERSON TO MARRY TO BE IN THE LIMITS OF HALAL SEX FOR WHICH ALLAH HAS MADE POLYGAMY FECILTIY WHICH TODAYS PEOPLE DONT CONSIDER IT SERIOUSLY OTHER WISE A GOD FEARING PERSON WILL DO JUSTICE IN HIS ROLE OF LOOKING AFTER TEH WIVES PROPERLY AND THIS WILL SOVE MANY WOMENS PROBLEMS ALL OVER THE WORLD-DISOBEDIENCE TO ALLAH WILL ALWAYS BRING MORE PROBLEMS RATHER THAN FOLLOWING IN OBEDIENCE AND SOLVE THE PROBLEMS.
    A WOMAN IF STAYS UNMARRIED AND CONTINUES LIVING AND WAITING TO GET MARRIED TO A UNMARRIED BOY ONLY,THE GAE GOES ON INCREASING AND FINALLY PARENTS DEPART FROM THE WORLD,PRACTICALLY SEEING BROTHERS ARE SELFISH AND TODAY MANY DONT TALK TO UNMARRIED SISTERS/DIVORCEES/WIDOWS,BECAUSE THEY DONT WANT TO SPEND ANYTHING FOR THEM INSPITE OF KNOWING THEIR PROBLEMS THEY LOOK THE OTHERSIDE WITH THE ORDERS FROM WIFE NOT TO HAVE ANY CONNECTION.

    I had posted on this forum that i was looking for woman between the age of 35 to 40 for marriage and the reason also due to some changes in the health of my wife from last six months.

    But seeing your case i pray to Allah that i get some consideration from editors in this forum[madam]who is very understanding type as i have known her from the past interactions.{i humbly request and you also request her to give me yr mail id and to you mine i want to explain the health problem of my wife privately and leave the matter to allah then at your disposal,do isthakhara salah satisfy your self after Consultation with Allah and then reply to me,

    My humble request to the forum madam to help you knowing me and help me in knowing you.BY GIVING MAIL IDS TO EACHOTHER.

    Actually i have stared some construction business in another city making flats 4x1 or 6 x1 type and sell, the city is good one i have to be there for the purpose of the marketing from the house itself and i have a house there and living alone continiously is boring in a lonely life and eating in various hotels.

    Recently my wife s health problem she told any way your business is mostly out of station in one city now and my health problem is increasing and i have no right to be hinderance in your life to acquire a halal wife for halal life,you have a house go ahead and get married so that you wont be be alone and also have someone to be with you for company and care.

    You mentioned trying hard for 10 years and the age factor is the problem and i know the trend today all look for teenage girls for marriage in our city here a girl crosses 22 the parents get worried so much that they even approach the boys family so that they get he daughter married in their life time.

    For your age may be Allah has written for second HUSBANDS marriage which you must humbly accept if Allah wills you can be as happy with me as any 25 years boys new marriage CAN KEEP ,recently i went for check up of routine health and by the grace of Allah i am still very active and handle work very easily and by the grace of Allah i have never been ill or had any health problems because i believe a content person Allah takes care.

    If Allah wills i can see that my wife is happy in all respects, who ever marries me see that life is blessing and beautiful in halal limits-

    Hope to hear with kind consideration and lifetime help from madam in giving the mail ids to each other for the purpose doing some high value good deed for us.

    Regards
    Ali YOUSUFF.

    i am non smoker and very humble person,very pleasant and thankful to Allah always.
    I HAD REQUESTED MADAM TO FORWARD THIS PAGE I MADE FOR THE PURPOSE OF MAKING AWARENESS IN THE LIVES IF WIDOWS AND DIVORCEES. https://www.facebook.com/BLISSOFREMARRIAGE

    • Brother Ali, thank you for the helpful advice you have given to various people. However, we do not allow the exchange of email addresses nor the use of this forum for matchmaking purposes.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • assalamy alaikum
        I just need to ask you something, there has been many such questions on this site. Unfortunately your site has done nothing but bash on these poor woman. Already when they are hurting, your readers have made it obligatory to be cruel and insensitive to them. I just want to ask why do you allow to post these questions, when you are not able to help them but definately can torture them further with cruel words.

        To be precise I am particularly refering to this post where your reader 'stranger' thought it will prove his 'imaan' if he pinched the women who are unmarried, who are crying, who are asking for help.
        http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/36-single-suffering-depression/
        Sir, please forgive me if I am being unruly, but it hurts to the point of insanity when I read such comments from these inhumane people, when we are already devastated.

        There has been several posts about women committing zena, but you have condemned anyone who would make harsh comments on those women. Unfortunately the unmarried women never get such kindness in this site. If I am not wrong failing to get married has not been mentioned as a sin in the Quran nor in Hadith. Then why do you let people make comments on us? If you hate unmarried women so much then sir plese do not post the questions in here and have us be tormented with comments.

  5. Assalam-o-Alaikum,

    There is nothing wrong with not getting married. This is just a trial.
    Allah knows best. Everything He does is His Will and not yours or mine. He is the Lord of everything and He Knows all. His knowledge is Great.
    There must be a reason for this. I cannot help you much but i can tell you to recite. That is the only way to help you.
    Do not stop praying. Prayers are everything. Marriage does not simply get you into Heaven alone. Prayers and recitation do. I suggest you recite Darood-Sharif everyday for as much as you can and send it to Hazrat Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W).
    I suggest you recite the Holy Qur'an every single day. Especially in the morning and during Maghrib. Pray to Allah after that and you will feel a lot better, Inshaa'Allah.
    As for marriage, recite "Al-Moqtadiro " 15 times daily in the morning, when you wake up, without speaking to anyone. Then pray to Allah (SWT) for He surely is the one to turn to.

  6. Asalaam alaikum,

    Dealing with an unfulfilled desire for love is quite difficult and you are faltering because you are falling into despair. You must be vigilant about this and be careful.

    Recently I was talking to a brother who was very interested in having this one particular woman for his wife. She was very attractive and everything seemed to fit both of them, initially. However, some circumstances kept coming up that prevented their marriage and the brother was growing very desperate. He found himself in tears most nights and very lonely, but he kept his prayers up though his heart was very light and empty.

    Yet, Allah (swt) is the Most Merciful and what he found out was that his potential bride was HIV positive. This was something that she had been hiding from him and of course, he was shocked. However, he remembered to say, "Alhamdulillah," for what Allah (swt) had protected him from. Though this is a very sad situation for the woman, it was a relief for the brother to know this beforehand and save his health, in turn.

    For whatever reason, Allah (swt) has been keeping you single as well, Sister Asma. Though you may not know exactly why, instead of losing faith or having it shaken, you need to fill the empty parts of your heart with love for Allah (swt). So take the time when you are lonely and call on Him. Talk to Him and plead to Him. Use this time to get closeness to our Lord and try to understand Him by asking Him for wisdom and insight into your life and for the vision to find the man who will truly make you happy.

    You see, any time you grow angry, you are not affecting Allah (swt), but only showing Him that you would falter as a wife in difficult circumstances and as a mother. Imagine when your baby may cry for 24 hours (this does happen when they get sick), then what would be your reaction? To get upset and walk away? No. So this current suffering is a means for Allah (swt) to train you and get you ready for being a wife and for motherhood. So you need to gather this new perspective to see what this time should mean for you.

    I know it can be difficult, but at the same time, if Allah (swt) is trying you in this way, then this means that He has selected you to overcome these things because He prefers you. Remember that Allah (swt) tried His servants so that may reach a higher station in this world and the hereafter, so with every difficulty, there is a reward within it.

    Also, try something different from what you have been doing. For example, if you are waiting for a proposal to be brought to you, then instead, start making inquires for yourself. If it's not going well in your social circle, then try to go outside of it into another area of the city to make inquires at another masjid or even in another town. Have you attended marriage seminars and supervised gatherings? For example, in the States this summer, a group of Muslims hold a large supervised "meeting opportunity" for single Muslims to find spouses. People from all over the States attend, so they will get the opportunity to meet people who they may otherwise never know about. Have you made inquires of Islamic seminaries? Most alims know of many eligible bachelors, too.

    Try these things, but always use this time of loneliness to remember that Allah (swt) is for the brokenhearted. Use your tears as testimony to Him that you have no one else to help you or to rely on, so you turn faithfully to Him again and again. Use your cries as a means of approaching Him and glorifying Him, knowing in your heart that it is Him who will answer you and will heal your heart. For if the world beats you down, it is Him that will raise you from the abyss like a phoenix.

  7. ASSALAMALAIKUM-

    DREAMERCHARMS

    I WANT TO KNOW IF THIS AUTHENTIC HADEES OR JUST SOME SELF APPOINTED SCHOLARS STATEMENT -

    As for marriage, recite "Al-Moqtadiro " 15 times daily in the morning, when you wake up, without speaking to anyone. Then pray to Allah (SWT) for He surely is the one to turn to.

    IF IT IS A AUTHENTIC AHDESS PL QUOTE THE REFERENCE HERE SO THTA PEOPLE DONT GO ASTRAY.

    IF IT IS NOT A HADEES AND IS FROM SOURCE OF SOME SELF APPOINTED SCHOLAR THEN READING IT

    WILL BE A CURSE FROM ALLAH BECAUSE IT WILL BE DECLARED A BIDDAH-

    ANF IF IT IS NOT A HADEES PL DONT SPREAD IN A FORUM BECAUSE THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO

    READ AND FOLLOW ALL THEIR SINS WILL BE ADDED ON YOUR HEAD FOR FOLLOWING A BIDDAH.

    HOPE I AM CLEAR FOR REQUESTING EVERYONE NOT TO SPREAD WHIMS AND FANCIES IN MUSLIMS

    BROTHERS AND SISTERS LIFE EXCEPT QURAN AND AUTHENTIC HADEES SUBJECTS WITH PROOF-

    AND PL DONT OFFENDED...THIS IS MY STAND-

    "The believers are nothing but brothers, so make peace between your two brothers and beware of Allah that perhaps you may be shown mercy." (Al-Hujaraat: 10)

    And, noble, indeed is the act of making peace and reconciling between two arguing parties. In fact, it is superior to voluntary fasting and sunnah and nafl prayer.

    REGARDS
    ALI YOUSUFF

  8. Asma, you say that proposals have stopped coming. Out of curiosity, why did you reject the men who proposed to you before? How many proposals were there? And in what way were they not compatible?

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Im sorry, but esp. as editor of this site... dont you think that, it is further upsetting to be asked such personal details... as to the 'how', 'why' n 'when'??... Its obvious someone who posted here abt their problem, must have made all reasonable effort rather than just shunning proposals, if thats what you are implying.

      • Well Khadija, I don't know if it's upsetting to the sister to provide details, and I don't know if she made all reasonable efforts. Those are assumptions. In any case, the sister was free to provide more details, or not.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  9. Slaams

    Sister be patient we all go through the same things in life that we just have to keep going and be grateful what we already have than don’t have and that’s having izzat/respect for yourself and knowing why we on the planet and that is to serve allah. Everything else is written sister keep praying inshallah one day your dreams will come true ameen.

  10. Dear Sister,

    I can understand your situation perfecltly well sister, since i am also in similar situation like you. Everytime i get a proposal and i have even been engage once, and everytime just when i think it will work the guy just back out. i get desperate and depresse when this happen, but sister nothing is in our hand, It is Allah who control this world and everything is pre destine, it is of no use being angry to Allah. Infact think of it as a test from Allah, he is testing your iman and your ability to have sabr, in fact in the Quran several places Allah have mentioned that he is with those who have patience " INALLAHA MARASABIRINE" , so sister just don't lose hope, keep on praying and have patience, it will help you. also read astarfar a lot and ask for Allah's forgiveness.

    Sister i am a beautiful and educated girl, i have a very good job and enjoy a good heath, but i will turn 33 very soon, i am extremely worried and i know that my parents too are worried, at time people make unpleasant comments about my situation, but what can i do if this is Allah's will i can do anything about it. I have to accept whatever Allah has decided for me, for you know it is mentioned in the Quran that whenever Allah wants something Good for you nobody can stop you from having it and Whenever Allah doesn't want to give you something nobody can give u that.

    Sister it is also mentioned in hadith that dua can change destinity, so sister keep on asking duas, Another thing that is mentioned in hadith is that whenever you ask for something ask with a certainty that Allah will accept your dua, never have doubt that Allah won't listen to your duas and another condition when you are asking something to Allah is that you should not get impatient, this is a very important condition for acceptance of duas. so keep on praying cry to Allah, plead with him and know that he is watching and listening to you, Allah is not unjust, he is merciful, he has more pity than a mother has for her child.

    If possible sister wake up at night and make tahajud namaz and after that pray to Allah, this is the best time for acceptance of dua, dua made with sincerity at night will not go unheard, according to prophetic hadith dua a accpeted at time of tahajud, so sister please do it but don't be impatient. Remember if Allah accepted his prophet Ibrahim Alaiisalam dua afer 40 years, then we are mere human being we should not be impatient and have doubt while asking something to Allah.

    Also read the following tasbeeh a lot "LA ILLAHAH ILLA ANTA SUBHANAKA INI KUNTU MINAZ ZALIMEEN" a lt it has ISME AZAM IN IT read it a lot and then make dua, also read a lot "HASBUNALLAH HU WANIRMAL WAKIL" and lot of daroud shariff sharif as much as you can, take it as a test from Allah, i have taken it as a test from him and be patient, inshallah, Allah willing you will get married very quickly.

    sister leave everything to Allah, for you don't knows what Allah has kept for you in the future. Its best to pray and leave the rest to Allah, tawakul in Allah is very important., Allah willing your dream will matereilise and come true in no time

    • Dear Sr. Shana
      My heart reached out to you when you wrote above: "at time people make unpleasant comments about my situation". I am older than you and the writer, hence have more experience with this attitude of people, mostly desis. I have now started making friends who are non-desi, as they are less likely to be so judgemental (without helping introduce us single girls to an appropriate match) keeping either to myself, and dedicating my time to doing what you are saying about tawakkul and prayers. Sister, this may be a test/trial OR look at it this way: maybe Allah loves our tears and duas so much that he wants to continue bringing us closer to Him. He will inshAllah have a better reward in the next life. He is giving us ample opportunity to glorify Him which we may not have if we were married with kids - I know, it is hard, but this is how I have finally achieved peace at His decisions for my life. And, as a result, I paid my deposit for hajj 2 weeks ago and am so excited to inshAllah go - I had always asked Allah to bring me for Hajj with a good husband, but in time I decided, that if I die single, I would rather have done this fardh pillar of Islam and gotten more brownie points towards jannah, than crying over a marriage that has not happened - there is NO guarantee that a marriage will make anyone of us or me happy!
      My younger sister is in the same boat.
      From a sister who understands what you are going thru

  11. ASSALAMALAIKUM-

    FOR THE SISTERS WHO ARE CONSOLING EACH OTHER[ITS GOOD] I WILL START WITH THE VERSE OF THE QURAN IT APPLIES OT ALL TYPES OF SITUATIONS AND CASES -I DONT KNOW IF YOU ALL MAINTAINING THE HIJAB OR NOT-IF YES THEN THERE IS DEFINITE BLESSINGS IN THE OFFING IF NOT WE STAND THE CHANCE OF DISOBEDIENCE IN A VERY SERIOUS SUBJECT WHICH ALLAH HAS MADE FARZ FOR WOMEN.
    1ST THIS FARZ IS APPLICABLE FORMT EH TIME OF PUBERTY READ:-THE DIVINE WARNING It is not befitting for a believer, man or woman, when a matter has been decided by Allah and His Apostle, to have any option about their decision: if anyone disobeys Allah and His Apostle, he is indeed on a CLEARLY ON A WRONG PATH. (Surah Al-Ahzab, 33:36)
    THEN THE ORDER ALL HAVE EFFECT ON OUR LIVES AND YOU KNOW TOADAY MANY SAUDI WORKING AND AND ALSO LOCAL BOYS WHO WANT TO MARRY THEY PREFER A HIJABI-
    "O Prophet, enjoin your wives and daughters and the women of the Muslims to draw their outer-garments close round them; it is expected that they will be recognized, and thus not molested..." (33:59)
    The Prophet (s.a.w.) said:
    "Every religion has a distinct call. For Islam it is Haya (modesty)."
    AND ONE MORE DISOBEDIENCE IS TAKING POLYGAMY AS IF IT IS JOKE OR A STIGMA AND NOT APPLICABLE TO MUSLIMS THEN FOR WHOM IT IS REVEALED BY ALLAH.
    TODAY I SPOKE TO A PERSON FROM KASMIR AND I ASKED WHAT IS THE STATUS OF WOMEN IN KASHMIR DUE TO AGGRESSION AND VOILENCE HE REPLIED THERE ARE 1[ONE LAKH WIDOWS] AND THERE IS NO ONE LOOK AFTER THEY ARE GETTING HELP FROM HERE AND THERE AND SURVIVING-

    TODAYS MULSIM WOMEN DONT ALLOW THEIR HUSBANDS TO MARRY ANY ONE UNMARRIED OR WIDOWS JUST FOR THE SAKE OF SHARING THEIR PROPERTY AND HUSBAND AND ALL THE HAPPINESS OF LIFE WHICH THEY WANT ONLY FOR THEMSELVES ONLY-

    SO ALL OF YOU PL CONSIDER HUJAB FOR BLESSING FROM ALLAH AND HOPE FROM AFTER PERFORMING THAT ORDER-

    THEN CONSIDER POLYGAMY-WHICH WILL SOLVE MANY PROBLEMS BUT CONDITIONAL FOR THE EPRSON TO BE FAITHFUL IN HIS DUTY TO DO JUSTICE WITH 2 WIVES WHICH I THINK A GOD FEARING PERSON CAN DO IT AND SET AN EXAMPLE WHEN THIS SUNNAH IS DYING IN THIS MODERN TIMES AND WORLD....
    PL LIKE THIS FOR THE SAKE OF WIDOWS AND DIVORCEES- https://www.facebook.com/BLISSOFREMARRIAGE

  12. Br. Ali Yousuf
    I see a lot of brothers including you, on this website, only blaming women. Do you ever see the quality of majority of muslim men around? they are not educating themselves and a lot of them commit zina and once they have "enjoyed" themselves, they think now they want to "come back to Islam" marry a hijabi or virgin who is younger and and they can subjugate. Then because they have not finished their education, they start complaining about women that they work! You think all the women who are unable to find compatible matches are non-practising, nonhijabi women. I have met guys who WANT me to work to support THEM and you will find many posts here of men who want their multiple wives to help them contribute towards their children from other women. Why don't you speak up then??? Why not bash such men who do not have islamic traits?

    Marriage is not just throwing 2 mentally,socially, spiritually incompatible warm bodies in a bed for sex.

    Hijab is in the HEART. I know personally many scarf wearing hijabis who are doing all non-hijabi stuff including zina.

    So please STOP generalising, and open your mind to looking at things from the other side of the fence as well. And please stop showing your desperation on this website on how you want to marry and have co-wives and preaching to us that why we women are not allowing ourselves that option - Allah has given us a heart and MOST women would rather remain single than be a co-wife - it is NOT easy - we are jealous beings-even Aisha (RA) was jealous of Khadija (RA) who was long dead and gone before Aisha (RA) and the Prophet (SAW) married. Do you REALLY think that a man in this century can prevent jealousy between wives?

    • i agree well said cant believe some people we have right to choose what we want in a marriage and the rest is up to allah

    • Hijab is in the HEART. I know personally many scarf wearing hijabis who are doing all non-hijabi stuff including zina.

      Please stop talking about hijab when you do not have knowledge about it. The way your are talking it seems doing zina is halal for those who do not wear hijab.

      • You misunderstand Stranger - I am trying to say I know hijabi girls who use it as a cover from the world that the world thinks they are pious. I had a roommate who brought her parents to meet me and once they were satisfied and left, she started bringing her boyfriend for weekends. I had to ask her to leave.

      • Stranger, there is no need for personal attacks ("when you do not have knowledge about it"). I have not said anything to you. We are all insignificant humans and you may not be more knowledgable than what you may THINK yourself to be, just because you have created a hajj blog.

        • I am not a scholar but it REALLY irks me when someone comes and say that a hijabi steals when go to market. Or a hijabi has a bf.

          It has become a common trend among the Muslims. I will give an analogy. When someone who does nor pray is advised to pray, a common answer in our time is, "you know brother, such and such person prays but also lies."

          Why would you focus that someone is lying despite praying? This LOUSY EXCUSE is brought up for several reasons:

          (1) Because the person who has been advised to pray does not have any intention to pray and thus never fails to mention about how people do evil things despite praying

          (2) By mentioning another sin alongside prayer, the person tries to rationalize the futility of not praying.

          (3) the person who does not pray feel bad for not praying but Shaytan comes to him and give him consolation by saying, "No need for praying. Look at what people are doing despite praying." The person accepts this false consolation.

          (4) The person does not want to pray and at the same time he is jealous of the people who pray. So he tries to belittle the prayer by mentioning

          So you see, there cannot be any justification of mentioning that some other people lying or doing some sins who also pray. The person should acknowledge that he does not pray and try to rectify it, and that would be the sign of true humility.

          The same goes for hijab. Please never mention that some sisters do bad things despite wearing hijab. Do not mention these two things together.

          If we mention a sin and hijab together, then how can we fault the disbelievers who try to associate Islam with terrorism? We cannot. Yes, some Muslims may be involved with killing innocent people, but you do not associate Islam with terrorism and never say Muslim terrorist.

          Similar point here. You did not fail to mention that some hijabi sisters do evil things and you did not fail to mention it here either. It says something.

          And also I get seriously irked when someone says that hijab is only in the heart. NO it is not in the heart. Yes, someone's attitude and how she carries herself is part of the hijab, but if she does not cover herself the way Islam dictates, she will be counted as the one who is violating the law of Allah.

          Have I made my point clear?

          Thanks for taking a jab at my blog. I knew that it was coming.

  13. ASSALAMALAIKUM
    1ST THING I REQUEST IS DONE BE OFFENDED FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH-WITH MY EARLIER COMMENTS I WAS JUST SAYING THAT THE YOU ALL BECOME CLOSE TO ALLAH WITH YOUR OBEDIENCE AND THIS Hijab is in the HEART. ]]SO SORRY YOU ARE MAKING YOUR OWN ISLAM AND YOU ARE DEFYING THIS VERSE OF THE QURAN....Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty that will make for purity for them: and Allah is well acquainted with all that they do. And say to the believing women that they should not display their beauty andornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof, that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their brothers, their brothers' sons, their sisters' sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hand posses, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex, and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O you believers! Turn all toward Allah that you may attain in bliss."

    AND THIS ALSO IS WRONG JUDGEMENT ON YOUR PART
    I know personally many scarf wearing hijabis who are doing all non-hijabi stuff including zina.
    AGAIN I WILL REPLY FROM QURAN...
    "Say: Shall I seek Lord other than God, while He is the Lord of all things? No person earns any sin except against himself (only), and no bearer of burden shall bear the burden of another. Then unto your Lord is your return, so He will tell you that wherein you have been differing" (Quran 6:164)

    "Whoever goes right, then he goes right only for the benefit of his ownself. And whoever goes astray then he goes astray to his own loss. No one laden with burdens shall bear another's burden. And We never punish until We have sent a Messenger" (Quran 17:15)

    SO AGAIN I REPEAT THAT YOUR SANCTITY HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANOTHER WOMAN VALGARLITY OR SIN AND NEITHER HERS WITH YOU-

    MY SINCERE INTENION WAS TO MAKE A GENERAL STATMENTAS ADVICE FOR THE PURITY IN OUR PRAYERS AND ACCEPTANCE REST I LEAVE IT TO YOU- WITH THESE BEST WORDS ON HIJAB-
    IT MAY HELP YOU UNDERSTAND THE HIGH VAL,UE OF IT-
    I am liberated from slavery to 'physical perfection'
    Society makes women desire to become 'perfect objects'. The multitudes of alluring fashion magazines and cosmetic surgeries show women's enslavement to beauty. The entertainment industry pressures teens to believe that for clothes, less is better. When we wear Hijab, we vow to liberate ourselves from such desires and serve only God.

    I don't let others judge me by my hair and curves!
    In schools and professional environments, women are often judged by their looks or bodies-characteristics they neither chose nor created. Hijab forces society to judge women for their value as human beings, with intellect, principles, and feelings. A woman in Hijab sends a message, "Deal with my brain, not my body!"

    I feel empowered and confident
    In contrast to today's teenage culture, where anorexia and suicide are on the rise, as women attempt to reach an unattainable ideal of beauty, Hijab frees a woman from the pressure to 'fit in'. She does not have to worry about wearing the right kind of jeans or the right shade of eyeshadow. She can feel secure about her appearance because she cares to please only Allah.

    I feel the bond of unity
    Hijab identifies us as Muslims and encourages other Muslim sisters to greet us with the salutation of peace, "Assalamu Alaikum". Hijab draws others to us and immerses us in good company.
    http://www.al-islamforall.org/Misc/purdah.pdf

    I AM A WELLWISHER OF ALL WOMEN OF THE WORLD -
    REGARDS
    ALI YOUSUFF-

  14. Sr. Samina: men who preach to women don't see that "hijab" is meant for BOTH: men AND women. Hijab is not just the piece of cloth on the head that all these men have reduced it to. It is also keeping your eyes lowered.
    Also, the Prophet (SAW) told us not to argue uselessly and endlessly - thrusting ones hard minded opinions on to others is disrespectful of the other person's thoughts and feelings

  15. There is no need to start arguments on the forum over this. They're not very productive and they're not offering advice to the author or being of any help whatsoever. Instead they are being used as means of ranting about polygamy and blaming one another for the situation.

    It is Allah swt who will marry a person to another when He (swt) decrees. Not when we want. When He knows is best. And if its not best for us then Khayr - there is nothing we can do. We must make effort to the best of our ability and accept Allah's will whether or not we find the right person.

    Also, remember that everyone is different. People are different, situations and circumstances are different. Just because you may know of many unmarried, career women or many young Muslim playboys it does not mean that all unmarried older women are 'career' women or 20 something Muslim men are all playboys or whatever other stereotype you have. Life doesn't work like that - and such stereotypes are seriously damaging. There are some people who have been looking for years and years with an open mind and not necessarily career-obsessed/playboy but still haven't found anyone. Why? Because Allah swt has not ordained it yet.

    To the sister:

    I am sorry to hear you are falling into despair sister. It is a difficult situation to be in but it is difficult to advise you without more information. If you could provide this InshaAllah that would be great.
    What I can say is that Allah (swt) is testing you. We go through a number of difficulties in life and its how we react to these difficulties which is important. So dont allow shaytaan to encourage you to fall into despair. Wipe away those tears, and be patient. Turn to Allah swt and ask Him to help you have patience and to give you the best spouse for you at the best time. Trust in Him. Also please stay away from Khatams and other unislamic practices.

    The best things you can do is:
    - Seek to get closer to Allah swt and make dua.
    - Work on your iman (if you dont pray start praying 5x fardh a day minimum)
    - Consider using other avenues in your search for a spouse.
    - Let yourself grow and learn.
    - Consider other safe avenues - proper marriage websites or other ones.

    Sister I am not condoning singlehood because marriage is recommended but there is a lot you can do while single which you can't necessarily do when married. Take advantage of this time! Learn about your deen. Do useful courses if need be (in Islam, Aqeedah etc) Read the Qur'an. Also learn about yourself. Develop hobbies do the things you love and be yourself.
    Do spend some time learning about marriage - read a book/do a course. Know your rights and dont let your rush to get married make you lose your head. Consider someone properly.

    And know that there is nothing wrong with you. Dont fall into this cultural stereotype that says you're too old if you're over 25. 33 Thirty three is a beautiful age. Do you know it is the age we will be in Jannat InshaAllah. May Allah swt make us among those that enter Jannat. Ameen.

    Please do write back in
    Sara
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor
    x

  16. ASSALAMALAIKUM-

    THANKS FOR YOUR GOOD ADVICE ,
    ITS CORRECT THE QUESTION AND ANSWERS ARE NOT HELPING ASMA 5-
    BUT THE MESSAGE HAS REACHED HER AND OTHERS THAT ALLAH IS HAPPY IF WE SUBMIT WHOLLY TO HIM NOT PARTIALLY-
    If you think Hijab is an act of submission, you are right! It is a way to submit to ALLAH-Like any other act of worship, the rewards of Hijab come only when it is done for Allah alone.IRRESPECTIVE OF WHAT THE WORLD DOES-

    THE REASON FOR MY ADVISING ABOUT HIJAB IS TO WIN ALLAH,WE MUST DO WHAT HE WANTS US TO DO EXAMPLE 6 FARZ- INLCUDING DIVINE DECREE-AND FOR LADIES ALSO THE HIJAB.

    IF WE DISOBEY ALLAH IN THIS SUBJECT THEN MAY BE OUR PRAYERS R NOT ANSWERED..... BECAUSE WE ARE CHOOSING ONLY THOSE THINGS WHICH WE LIKE AND DEFY ONE MAJOR POINT OF HIJAB-WHICH ALLAH LIKES-

    ASMA WE ALL ARE WITH YOU,NOTHING TO WORRY ALLAH IS SUFFICIENT FOR US-HE WILL MAKE WAYS FOR YOU WHEN HE CREATED YOU AND YOUR MATE-When forty-two nights have passed over the conceptus, Allah sends an angel to shape it and create its hearing, vision, skin, muscles and bones. Then the angel asks: O Lord, will it be male or female? And Allah decides what He wills and the angel records it. [Saheeh Muslim, Kitaab Al-Qadar]

    MAY BE YOUR MATE IS ON THE WAY -TO PROPOSE YOU-

    Allah Almighty created "you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from them twain has spread abroad a multitude of men and women." (4:1 Surah An-Nissa).
    Muslim Woman Are Noble.....

    A Muslim woman is noble;
    She has a character that does not stoop to simple attitudes and insignificant interests. She knows that jealousy, gossiping, sarcasm, caprice, hypocrisy and similar attitudes do not please Allah and that they are humiliating attitudes giving harm to one’s personality and distancing her from nobility. Therefore, she never deigns to any of these behaviors.
    Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be a friend.....MAY ALLAH GUIDE US TO HIS PATH-

    REGARDS RESPECTS TO ONE ALL.

    ALI YOUSUFF-

  17. Thank you everyone for your comments, I sincerely do appreciate the time everyone has taken out to comment on making me positive and closer to Allah. It has helped me and I wish I can say I'm a changed person after reading this but I am thinking it will take some time for me to get back to praying regularly and having a day go by where marriage is not constantly on my mind and bringing my mood down. I know Allah wants us to be patient and be close to him but I really do wish he would give me this one thing, it's all I've ever wanted since I was a teenager, to find someone kind and generous and religious. To want something for so long and not have it after years is taking its toll on me. The proposals I would get would be with people I were not interested in..I almost went through with one and decided later on that I would not be happy spending my life with him and declined. I kind of think that everyone that I was interested in ever has been intentionally taken away from me for some reason or another..someone always seems to go wrong and it never works out. I don't know why this seems to happen. How can this happen so many times to me? Maybe someone doesn't want my happiness, maybe Allah wants me to meet someone else. I've tried all avenues of meeting people...ALL. friends, family, matrimonial sites, muslim speed dating, etc etc. I don't know what else to do. I've pleaded with Allah, begged, cried myself to sleep and through all parts of the day, My family and friends are praying that I find someone, even my non-Muslim friends pray for me too and have been for years. I'm just at a loss now. Time is passing by so quickly I can't fathom turning another year older and being single. Sometimes I can't help feeling this resentment in my heart. I go back and forth from praying to not praying. I wish I can take back those years where I was not so selective but what's done is done and I can only move ahead and there was a reason I'm sure why Allah made me say no to those proposals. There must've been a reason why every person I did like, there was a cause that it did not work out somehow. Wish I knew what the lesson is that Allah is trying to teach me and what exactly it is that he wants from me. How can he not give me something that I've always wanted? If being married is a part of our deen and what Allah wants why is he not letting it happen?

    • Sister Asma,

      I can really empathize with your desperation for a halal companionship which can only be gotten through marriage. I used to be so desperate at one point in time just as your are right now. So much so that i used to feel unblessed, hard done by and resentful towards to Allah SWT....( AStagfirlah)

      But what i learnt over the years is that one should be very careful with what one wishes for. We've heard stories of how people never got to enjoy what they have been rigorously praying for and wanted to have at any cost.

      Eg, there was a prayerful, modest and decent girl who sooo wanted to get married and build a happy home that she blindly entered into two different marriages: Her first marriage lastly for just 3 mths( Although this man took her virginity). She also rushed into her second marriage and this one too lasted for just 1yr. Can you imagine the heart-break and pain she had to endure during each divorce??

      What of the woman who despite the fact that she has been blessed with 3 beautiful girls, yet she and her husband were so desperate for a son and went lengths to have one. And guess what, before the birth of their son, they lost their first child... such an innocent and beautiful little thing she was..... Maybe if they had been patient while prayerful, Allah would have given them a son whilst maintaining all of their daughters.

      The lesson being that no matter how much we yearn for something, lets also pray that Allah SWT gives it to us only if it would be good for us in this life and in the hereafter. If not, let Him then give us what is best for us and make us happy and content with it.

      I know it easy to just advice patience to someone, as it is among the most difficult virtues but then, who can compete with Allah? Nobody! !Who can force Allah to speed up things? Nobody!!. When you become resentful towards Him, who it affect Him? You!!

      So the answer is, to pray, and be hopeful and Think well of Him whilst at it. To strive towards being as good a muslimah as you can. Beg Him, plead with Him but do not despair.

      Afterall, there are numerous examples of women who never had the chance to be a wife nor a mother but they are living exemplary lives. Look at Oprah Winfrey. Instead of focusing and despairing over what she does not have, women like her are using their God-given talents to make a difference in the world every single day. Please visit

      (http://www.suhaibwebb.com/relationships/marriage-family/wifehood-and-motherhood-%E2%80%93-not-the-only-ways-to-paradise/)

      I know It is every girls dream to be a mother and wife. But just like all the fingers are not equal, our level of blessings are also not the same.

      For me, i have come to accept things as they are and inshallah, i shall continue to pray heart-fully for Allah to grant me a spouse and offsprings who would be the comfort of my eyes. However , instead of wallowing myself in self-pity and self- degradation , i shall inshallah use the talents and skills He has blessed me with to brings joy and positive change to the people around me and be a role model.

      By so doing, am sure when/if the spouse i have been yearning and praying for finally arrives, then he would admire, love and respect me and together we will build a strong, happy and successful Muslim home.

      I hope you too my sister, will try to inculcate this mind set as self-pity is a visa to self-destruction and that is not what our Creator wants of us.

      PS: Am sorry if i went over-board. Am still a novice in rendering advices and i hope i made sense.

      May God continue to make us all and give us the ability to accept and be content with His Decree.

      • Sister Khajija

        What a wonderful response. Alhamdulillah. Allah is with all of us through your words.

        May Allah grant you his best.

        - Your Brother

      • MashaAllah what a beautiful inspiring response sister
        May Allah reward you.

        Sara
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor
        x

      • Beautiful words maasha'Allah Khajija!

        SisterZ
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • It is true that we do not know what is good for us and what is bad. I also feel frustrated being single and with the world around me getting married and finding happiness. But I tell you this, my unbearable craving to have children and a family of my own vanished after I saw some special children.

        Recently I have joined some work for autistic children, there I was a help for a very hyper 8 year old boy. The other attendant warned me before, that this child hits those who try to stop him and is also self-harming. I was very careful but it was so damn scary, I was literally scared of this child, and as I was trying to control this child with other attendant, I cried out in my heart ' thank you Allah that you have kept me single!'
        It is so disgusting of me that I whine and complain and feel angry (astagfirullah) when I am so much blessed!! I feel very pathetic for not realizing that Allah Almighty has provided me so much even tough I am such a disgusting sinner.
        So, fellow sister indeed be careful what you are wishing for and don't be a disgusting whiner like me. May Allah forgive us all.

      • your words were comforting to me as well. may Allah bless you and keep u happy and contented

  18. Sister Asma... I feel like you are talking about me in your posts... My imaan is quitre strong but there are days where this gets weaker and i read posts like this to bring it stronger again....

    Is there any way we could exchange emails? Im not sure how this site works?

  19. thank you so much Khajija and everyone else for your helpful words. you're absolutely right. I don't want to rush and get married to someone just for the sake of it. thanks so much for your insight and may Allah bless you all loads and make each one of you happy in this life and the hereafter.

  20. ASSALAMALAIKUM-
    I cried out in my heart ' thank you Allah that you have kept me single!' THIS STATEMENT OF YOUR IS OUT OF THE WORLD ....
    AND WRONG TO DEFY THE WHOLE REASON AND DOMINION OF ALLAH WHERE IN HE HAS MADE THE WORLD WITH THIS CONCEPT OF MARRIAGE AND REPRODUCTION OF THE HUMAN BEINGS TO WHICH YOU ALSO BELONG.

    YOU ARE TALKNG AS IF YOU HAVE COME FROM MARS AND SEEING ALL OF US AND SPECIALLY A LITTLE MISCHIEF OF SMALL BOY YOU FEEL HAPPY AND SAFE.

    AND REJECT THE WHOLE CONCEPT OF ALL AND ECLARE YOUR CONCEPT OF NO MARRIAGE IS ABOVE EVERYTHING-

    PL BE PRACTICAL AND ADVICE IN THE LIMITS OF ISLAM AND LAWS OF ALLAH.
    REGARDS
    ALI YOUSUFF.

    • are you telling that unmarried should go on whining because they are unmarried? Please brother re read the post again. I just said DONT COMPLAIN but we should be thankful to Allah (swt) for His mercy on us.
      Not everyone is as lucky as you to find spouse and children, but there are so many blessings of Allah that we should be thankful of. I have no idea why my post would be out of limits of Islam!

  21. ASSALAMALAKAIKUM.ruhiiejarifa PL DONT BE OFFENDED I AM A FRANK TYPE OF PERSON

    IF U WANT TO CONSOLE ASMA PL CONSOLE IN A PROPER WAY ....

    PL NOTE I THOUGHT MY SENTENCE WILL OPNE YOUR EYES AS YOUR SENTENCE [cried out in my heart ' thank you Allah that you have kept me single!' ]IT MEANS YOU ARE JUSTIFYING IN YOUR OWN WORDS THAT CHILDREN ARE CURSE OR VERY BAD SPECIES OF ALLAH AND ASTONISHING IS THAT YOU ARE CRYING TO THE ONE CREATED THAT SPECIES AND JUST BECAUSE YOU FOUND HIS NAUGHTINESS VERY HARMFUL[THIS ALSO YOUR ASSUMPTION] STRAIGHT FROM YOUR MOUTH THE EXCLAMATION COMES OUT- cried out in my heart ' thank you Allah that you have kept me single!'
    IS THIS NOT BLASPHEMY OF ALLAH ACT CREATING MANKIND....

    PL OPEN YOUR MIND YAND THINK OU ARE COMPLAINING TO THE CREATOR IN OTHER WORDS TELLING HIM THAT YOU MADE MISTAKE BY CHILD CREATION AND I AM SAVED FROM THAT BY YOUR GRACE I AM THANKING YOU-
    HOW ABSURD IS YOUR THINKING YOU DECLARE AND DONT FEEL IT IS OUT OF THE LIMITS OF ISLAM -
    DO YOU KNOW TO GIVE REMARK ON THE PRESTINE PURITY OF THE PERFECT CREATION ALLAH HAS MADE TO DEGRADE THAT AND IN THE SAME SENTENCE THANK HIM- ALSO-

    YOUR ADVICE IS ILLOGICAL BECAUSE TOMORROW ASMA WILL GET MARRIED 1ST YEAR ITSELF SHE WILL GET A CHILD AND IF SHE THINKS BACK ON YOUR NIGHTMARISH SCENE AND ADVICE SHE WILL GET BLOOD PRESSURE AND UPSET HER HEALTH -AND DEIVERY ALSO-

    SO PLEASE COMMENT SOMETHING WHICH IS LOGICAL AND PRACTICAL TODAY TOMORROW AND REST OF THE LIFE STOP BLAMING ALLAH AND THANKING HIM ALSO.....

    PL THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU PRESS [SUBMIT COMMENT]

    • brother you are completely misunderstanding me. I am repeating I am thankful to Allah for all the blessings that He has given me, I am not going to focus on things that I dont have and go on complaining. That's all I am saying and you are going on attacking me over and over again because of no reason at all!
      I am sorry if you are hurt in some way, I didn't mean to offend you.

  22. ASSALAMALAIKUM-
    I ALSO DIDNT MEAN TO HURT YOU BUT WANT TO CLARIFY BCOZ THIS IS ON A PUBLIC FORUM AND I WILL REMIND YOU THAT YOUR COMMENT WAS COMPLAINING AND THANKING IN NATURE-TO ALLAH THATS ALL AND ANY GIRL WHO IS PREGNANT & SHE READS YOUR COMMENTS WILL GET SCARED.

    NO HARD FEELINGS

    REGARDS
    ALI

    • I am sorry if my comment was hurtful. I really didn't mean to be hurtful in any way, I apologize to you or to any sister who could feel bad because of me. I really didn't mean any harm to anyone.

  23. ASSALAMALAIKUM-ruhiiejarifa
    I am sorry if my comment was hurtful.
    YOUR COMMENT WAS NOT HURTING IN NAY WAY JUST THAT CHILD MATTER WILL BECOME MISGUIDING I FEEL YOU ARE VERY HUMBLE PERSON AND THSI IS NOT AN AORDINARY QUALITY IN MY WHOLE LIFE I HAVE SEEN MILLIONS OF ADAMANT PEOPLE INSPITE OF THEIR FAULT THEY WILL NOT GIVE IN-THE PERSON WHO GETS YOU AS WIFE FOR LIFE WILL BE VERY LUCKY BECASUE THERE WILL BE ONLY PEACE PEACE AND PEACE IN YOU BOTHS LIFE I DESIRE TO HAVE A HUMBLE WIFE BECAUSE THE WIFE I AM HAVING HAS SHATTERED ALL THE HAPPINESS OF MY LIFE DUE TO HER BACK GROUND OF PRODIGAL A PRODIGAL PROUD AND SO ADAMANT THAT 6 YEARS OF HAPPINESS IS JUST LOST-CONSIDER-

    REGARDS
    ALI YOUSUFF

  24. I am in the same boat as sis Asma and reading all the above comments really calms me down.
    Some of the posts are really amusing but I would like to highlight a comment by ister ruhiijarifa which I PERSONALLY find it sooo cute!I went through the same thing when I was a teacher in a childcare centre and Ive exclaimed those words in my heart before. Not that I thought kids are mean little creatures.. its just that I am thankful to Allah then that I was still single cause I was not prepared to handle kids. Despite my hope that Allah would bless me with a fine companion, I thinl Allah swt put on hold HIS plans for me cause I THOUGHT I was ready.

    Alhamdulillah this site is not for Matchmaking but I hope theres leniency for sisters and sisters to exchange emails?

    • Khairunnisa,

      We do not encourage the exchange of email addresses here as we never really know if a writer is male of female. Although we judge each request individually.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  25. ASSALAMALIKUM-MUSLIM MEANS SUBMITTER-AND YOU ALL SUBNIT TO ALLAH FOR EVERYTHING EXCEPT POLYGAMY WHICH YOU ARE DEFYING ALLAH.......AND I AM READY TO MARRY SOME ONE LIKE YOU AND GIVE ALL THE HAPPINESS-YOU ARE THINKING IT ABSURD WITH HALF SUBMISSION TO ALLAH-
    PL READ THIS HADEES THEN THINK BY NIT MARRYING IN POLYGAMY SYSTEM YOU ALL WHO ARE NOT MARRIED ARE DEFYING ALLAH'S PLAN AND THEN SAY THESE TYPE OF UNWANTED WORDS-"I am becoming distant from Allah because I see no marriage prospects.". A BELIEVER MUST BE ON THIS-It is not befitting for a believer, man or woman, when a matter has been decided by Allah and His Apostle, to have any option about their decision: if anyone disobeys Allah and His Apostle, he is indeed on a clearly wrong path. (Surah Al-Ahzab, 33:36)
    YOU ALL THINK BY DEFYING ALLAH PROCLAIMED POLYGAMY AND IN THE SAME BREATH TELLING THIS Despite my hope that Allah would bless me with a fine companion, I think Allah swt put on hold HIS plans for me cause I THOUGHT I was ready. THIS IS ALL FALSE PRETENCE YOUR EGO DOES NOT LET YOU BOW IN ISLAM-
    AND PL NOTE THE SERIOUS POINT IN THE MARRiaGES NABI SALALAHAUALAHAIWASALAM DID OUT OF 11 ALL TEN WERE WIDOWS AND DIVORCEES ONLY ONE HAZRATH AISHA WAS SPINSTER- Why then did Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him practice polygamy?
    Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him can be treated as an exceptional case. The Noble Verses that I presented above clearly talked about men and women in general. They apply to all men and all women. Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him was a Messenger of GOD (filled with sympathy and mercy to people) and a leader for all Muslims. He didn't practice polygamy for the sake of sexual pleasure at all. Most of his wives were either widows (older than him in age too) or divorced women (also most of them were either older or same age)Only one of his wives was a virgin, and he only married her because her father was his best friend. He wanted to strengthen that relationship. And it was her father who offered her to our Prophet peace be upon him anyway.
    If our beloved Prophet peace be upon him really seeked sexual pleasure, then he would've married young virgins from the Muslims. Back then, people loved Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him so much, that they would literally do anything for him. Certainly fathers would've given him their young virgin daughters if he wanted to.
    Many people offered him their young virgin bosomed daughters anyway to raise their families' honor, but our
    Prophet never seeked that sexual privilege in life.
    Because Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him was a smart political leader and a wonderful humble merciful true Messenger of Allah Almighty, he chose to marry the weak from his people to encourage the Muslim men to do the same; to create a balance in the Muslim society. Again, another emergency case that existed during Islam's weak times that forced the Muslims (including Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him) to practice polygamy.

    VERY HAPPY TO KNOW SO GOOD MUSLIMAS IN ISLAM -

    REGARDS

  26. ASSALAMALAIKUM-
    Observing the Customs of Non-Muslims (I)
    The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Are you observing a pagan custom! I was thinking of invoking such a curse upon you that your appearances might be deformed.” [Ibn Majah]

    ON MY OWN I LEAVE NO GROUP NO PERSON WHO IS HARMING THE INTEREST OF WOMAN IN GENERAL BY DEFYING ALLAH AND THE SYSTEM OF NIKAH SHOWN BY NABI SALALAHUALAIHI WASALAM AND PLAYING WITH THE LIVES OF ALL THE GIRLS FUTURE BY BECOMING THE SERVANTS OF 1ST WIVES & LISTENING TO THEM FOLLOWING THEIR WHIMS AND FANCIES AND MAKING AND CONTINUING THE LAVISH MARRIAGES WHICH IS JUST HARAM HARAM HARAM IN ISLAM TO FOLLOW THE CUSTOMS OF THE PAGANS THE HINDUS ETC-WHICH ALLAH KNOWS WILL HARM THE MARRIAGE PROSPECTS OF OTHER MUSLIM GIRLS-

    IN OUR CITY 75 CRORES OF RUPEES IS THE OFFICIAL SURVEY RESULT OF ONE YEAR WHICH IS GOING DOWN THE DRAIN JUST BY UN THANKFUL SELFISH RELATIVES EAT FROM 8PM TO 11 PM AND VANISH GIVING REMARKS ON FOOD AND ARRANGEMENTS.

    JUST FALSE PLEASURE OF 3 HOURS 8 PM TO 11PM-LAVISH MARRAIGES ARE AN OPPRESSION ON GIRL CHILD THOSE 10%WHO CAN AFFORD TO DO ARE MAKING A TYPE OF TYRANT TREND ON THE 90% POOR WHO ARE FORCED TO BEG STEAL OR BORROW OR MORTAGE THEIR PROPERTIES AND DO IT BY HOOK OR CROOK AND PAY UP THE DOWRY[INSPITE OF THAT THE GIRLS ARE BIRTH TO DEATH] EXCEPT ISLAM THE WHOLE WORLD MAN MADE RELIGIONS ARE THE LEADERS IN THIS AND WE CALCULATE THE TOTAL EXPENCES OF ALL MARRIAGES INDIA[PAKISTAN ALSO COPIES THE NON MUSLIMS LAVISH MARRIAGES[SOHBATH KA ASAR AND STATUS SYMBOL WORKS.

    ASSLAMALAIKUM- DID YOU KNOW THAT THERE ARE 1000'S OF WIDOWS IN KASHMIR OF ALL AGES-AS OF TODAY AND THE MUSLIMS MALES ARE ENJOYING THEIR LIFE WITH THEIR SPOUCES AS IF THEIR INLAWS HAVE PURCHASED THEM AND THEY HAVE TO LIVE FOR THAT ONE WOMAN WHOM THEY ARE MARRIED FIRST AND THE FINALL ONLY ONE WIFE LEAST BOTHERED ABOUT-THOSE WHO BECAME WIDOWS AND DIVORCEES BY FATE LET THEM DIE AS WIDOWS AND DIVORCEES ONLY THEY ARE NOTHING FOR YOU AS IF YOU ARE INDEPENDANT AND AND THERE IS NO AUTHORITY [ALLAH]TO QUESTION YOU FOR YOUR SELFISHNESS IN THIS LIFE AND THE FAITHFULNESS AND GHULAMI YOU ARE DOING TO YOUR 1ST WIFE BY DEFYING THE COMMAND OF ALLAH TO MARRY THE DESTITUTE AND HELPLESS WOMEN IN YOUR COMMUNITY-

    ASK FOR MARRIAGE THERE AGAIN THE EGO WORKS THEY WILL NOT MARRY IN POLYGAMY SYSTEM THIS DUE TO LACK OF ISLAM IN THEIR LIVES ANY INDIAN OR BANGLADESH OR PAKISTAN WOMEN IS A HAZRATH AISHA AS LONG ALL THE MATTERS OF ISLAM ARE CONCERNED WHEN THE MATTER ABOUT POLY GAMY COMES UP SHE TURNS AND BECOMES A SEETHA[MARRIED SAYS MY HUSBAND IS MY PROPERTY AND UN MARRIED OR WIDOW OR DIVORCEE SAYS NO NO NO FOR MARRIED MAN.

    SO GREAT IS PURE IMAAN THAT WE DEFY THE POWERFUL ALLAH AND HIS PLAN AND THEN TO CLAIM TO BE MUSLIMS BUT WE DONT THAT OUR IMAN IS LIKE HALF BAKED CAKE MEANING SUBMISSION BY CHOICE WHAT WE WANT IS GOOD WHAT WE DONT WANT IS NOT FOR US BUT ONLY FOR THE PROPHET SALALAHAUALAHAIWASALAM AND HIS WIVES-NAUABILLAH-

  27. brother Ali, must you write in caps all the time? it's unpleasant to readers and it sounds like you are shouting all the time. Please stop and write normally. you are making readers like me not bother to read what you write as its a pain to read and look at.

  28. assalamalaikum-
    As fed up told i will try to write but the problem is make a lot of mistakes and retype retype all over again for many lines-

    Any way thanks for your esteemed advise

    i wanted everyone to note the point that all muslim women i have come acroos in the whole life make present reject deject show it down and stoop it so low THE POLYGAMY which ALLAH made for muslimaswho needed a married life.
    LIKE I TOLD IN ALL MATTERS THEY SAY ALLAH ALLAH ALLAH AND WHEN IT COMES TO POLYGAMY NO ALLAH TO BE CARED AT ALL-
    NO ALLAH'S COMMAND NO CONSIDERATION FOR HIS RULE NO ITS A VERY STOOPED LOW ACT AND DIRECTLY THEY ACT AS IF THEY ARE THE BOSS AND ALLAH'S VERSION IS SUBORDINATE IT CANNOT BE ENTERTAINED AT ANY COST-

    PL SHOW ME IN THIS FORUM ONE SENTENCE ONE LINE IN THE PSAT A WOMEN WHO REVEALS SHE IS YEARNING FOR A MARRIED LIFE HAS EVER TOLD THAT AS ALLAH WISHES I AM READY TO MARRY A BACHELOR OR A MARRIED MAN[IF HE IS CAPABLE FOR LOOKING AFTER ME AND GIVE ME MINIMUM GOOD LIFE AND LOTS OF LOVE]-
    THE ABOVE AUTHOR WENT TO THE EXTENT OF SAYING THIS WHICH IS ABSURD- I am becoming distant from Allah because I see no marriage prospects.

    So it is not allowed to be selective with Allah and his shariah and reject what you dint like and accept what you like-
    i am really surprised if i would habe been born a WOMAN i would have not doine this instead i would have DECIDED TO GO AHEAD BY AGREEING AND BE READY TO MARRY- THIS DECISION WOULD HAVE MADE ME OBEDIENT TO ALLAH I GET MARRIED IN POLYGAMY OR NOT THAT IS SECONDRY I WOULD HAVE ATLEAST PASSED THE TEST AND WHO IS THERE ON THE DAY OF JUDGEMENT EXCEPT ALLAH TO FACE-
    THIS TODAYS WOMEN ARE NOT PONDERING WHAT WILL THEY ANSWER ALLAH IF HE ASKS WHY WE HAD THE GUTS TO OPPOSE HIM AND DEFY HIS COMMAND.

    Sorry if nay one is hurt by my words on this subjwct it is a seriuos matter no joke to defy ALLAH.

    Regards

  29. ASSALAMALAIKUM-
    DEAR MR.PROFESSOR.
    THANKS FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION AND REMEMBERANCE-ACTUALLY WHEN I OPEN MY PC I 1ST SEE THE MESSAGES OF THIS FORUM AND THAT TIME IN TAHAJUD OR FAJR I DONT ON THE LIGHT TO AVOID DISTURBING MY WIFE-IN THE LIGHT OF THE PC I REPLY BACK AND MISTAKES TAKE PLACE IN SMALL LETTERS-
    REGARDS
    ALI YOUSUFF

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