I am becoming distant from Allah because I see no marriage prospects.
I hope that with this post my feelings towards Islam will change for the better i'A. I'm 33 years old, female and i'm still single. I have tried every possible means to find someone who I am compatible with and have not had any luck so far.. rishta's stopped coming, (prob due to age) and I'm at a loss. I've been searching for someone for practically 10 years and have had no luck. I was selective before but the past few years have stopped being so. I've prayed so much to Allah, gave lots of money to masjids and back home, have had a khatam done by several people, did EVERYTHING possible...still nothing.
I don't know why this is happening. There is absolutely nothing wrong with me, i'm educated, attractive, independent, been working since I was 21, have a good job, good family, there is nothing in this that is against me. I've prayed so much and nothing seems to happen. I'm in and out of being faithful and praying. Sometimes I pray and then later on get so angry that there are no prospects that I intentionally stop praying and am angry at Allah. Then I feel bad and start praying again and this goes on and on.
I feel, i'A I would be a great wife and mother someday and I want that to happen now. Just don't think no one will want me at this age anymore. I know that Allah is testing me and Shaitaan is dragging me down, I know and understand this. Still I cannot help feel this anger. It's constantly on my mind and making me utterly depressed. I also feel suicidal, not that I would ever do it but sometimes would rather have someone do it for me..., just to take me out of this misery that I'm in right now. It's controlling my life and my happiness.
I'm not even sure if there are such things as being jinxed/someone putting evil eye/nazar on people..but sometimes I think this is the case. What else can be the explanation? Alhamdulillah i'm blessed in every other way with good friends and family and good health for most people, a job, money, etc.. why else can this not be happening? I don't know what Allah wants from me. I just don' know what to do anymore.. someone please help..
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