Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I broke up with my boyfriend and can’t move on; please help me

Pre-marital/extra-marital relationships are haram in Islam

Pre-Marital Relationship v/s Marriage

Asalamalaikum everyone...
I have being looking for anyone who can help me out:'(. I am realy over stressed over thinking about a guy who was in a relation with me but we broke up. Now he has moved on and I try a lot to move on and not think about him but all I do still think about him I don't know why:(.
Please give me an advice; tell me anything our that how I can move on and not think about him. Its easy saying just forget everything and you will be happy but that doesn't make any change. I have tried billions of times not thinking about him but what ends is him on my mind
Please help me I want to move on:'(.
Sincerely over lost. I don't know now what happiness means :/. He has kind of cheated me; he has moved on and did not care or think about me.

Please help me coming out of dis:(.

Juweyria.


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62 Responses »

  1. Hello,

    Sorry to hear about your breakup! Sometimes you may never forget the other person! Only time will tell. I also broke up with my fiancé and I was so hard. For the first two weeks, I cried all the time and was so sad! Still sad but turning to Allah is helping me get by!

    My relationship was not healthy and sinful so I know it was the right thing to do. I suggests focusing on spirituality and focus on your wellness. It's kind of starting all over and rediscovering yourself.

    You don't have to answer this but why did the relationship end? Stay strong and try to focus on getting back on your feet.

    Regards,

    Kalila143

  2. Kalila thankx 4 the reply to my post though:(

    It ended though because he kind of was a cheat and i eventualy came to know that he can move on very easily if v break up
    So things like this killed me inside and I was like having difrnt thoughts
    Many misunderstandings though
    So we broke up

    No one can understand how it feels unless that person is being through it

    Saying just b happy is not helping me anyway

    I don't know he ends in my mind
    I don't love him I guess but this is what is happening :'(

    • It's not going to be easy! And it hurts a lot. What I've been doing is trying to keep busy. I read about Islam or find self-help books. It's been very challenging. My fiancé just turned his back on me and has ignored me since i ended it with him. And I ended because he was hiddinge from his family and I felt like he had
      a wife with children. I only had suspicions. What I also find helpful is reading this website. There is a lot of helpful information on this site.

      I was so in love with this person and I thought we were going to get married. He lied and used me. There are stages. Sorrow. Anger. And hopelessness. Keep faith!!! It hurts but the pain will lessen; however, it may never go completely away. Be the best you can and before you know it you will meet someone who will treat you with love and respect.

      Take care!

      • Same has hapend to me I am like I got no one to share all this
        And I am lik I got to this site
        But I don't know nothing is helping me :'(
        I am lost completly

  3. Dear Juweyria, Walaykumsalaam,

    I am sorry to hear you are feeling low. I do not know the nature of your relationship with this man, but if you were in a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship, then you must acknowlegde that this was and is completely wrong. Such relationships are forbidden in Islam and bring only grief. The one involved gains the displeasure of Allah by sinning, hence immense guilt at the sudden realisation of his sin and furthermore betrayal in any form is always painful.

    I will not tell you to 'just forget everything', because this is not the way hearts heal. The reality is, that you need time to grieve in order to heal. But added with faith, patience and intent to go forward - the process will become less bitter and insha'Allah even sweet.

    The best thing sister is that you accept that this man leaving you was a great blessing in disguise for you. He left you and took with him the sin of a forbidden relationship from you too. Turn to Allah and make sincere tawbah/repentance. Focussing on your own errors, on your own disobedence of Allah, on doing tawbah and on improving your character, will gradually replace your current thoughts. This is the month of Mercy - Ramadan, make use of it by fasting as best as you can, do both your compulsory and voluntary ibaadah.

    Allah(swt) says: "O son of Adam, if your sins were to reach the clouds of the sky and you would then seek My forgiveness, I would forgive you." [Hadith Qudsi No. 34; Related by at-Tirmidhi (also by Ahmad ibn Hanbal). Its chain of authorities is sound] And whoever does a wrong or wrongs himself, but then seeks forgiveness from Allah, he will find Allah forgiving and merciful. [Surat an-Nisaa 4:110] Anas bin Maalik (radhi Allaahu anhu) said: Verily the Prophet (sall Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: "Whoever sends Salah upon me once Allah will send ten upon him and remove ten of his sins and raise his rank by ten levels." [Imam Bukharee in Adabul Mufrad #642 and #643, Jami Sagheer #6359 authenticated by Al Abaanee]

    Also ponder over and recite this dua of Yunus(as): "None has the right to be worshipped save You;glory be to You, far removed are You from any imperfection; I have been amongst the wrong-doers," none who is experiencing difficulty employs it except that Allah SWT would relieve him of his difficulty. "La ila ha illa anta subhanaka inni kuntu minazzalimeen," (Surah Al-Anbiya (21): Ayah 87)

    Insha'Allah with time, you will begin to feel better, this is your time to exercise patience and tawbah and potentially a time where you can gain great reward. Focus on your identity as a Muslimah dear sister and you with time, you will heal and become stronger, aameen.

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  4. Thankx sisters for responding to my post it means a lot

    I am like loosing hope in evrythng
    It has being long v broke up but I don't knw how does he come to my mind I say its shaitaan
    I keep on riciting auzubillahi and keep ma self busy but what comes in my mind is that I am running from the truth
    :'(
    It lik fully breaks me I feel like screaming I don't know what to do anymore :'(

  5. Dear one who is cheater and deciever is like a STRAY DONKEY.
    WHAT IS TROUBLING YOU IS INAFTUATION WHICH WILL TAKE YOU NOWHERE SELFISH PEOPLE DONT DESERVE LOVE AND THEY JUMP FROM ONE FLOWER TO ANOTHER-SUCKING THE POLEN AND MOVE-
    RUNS AWAY WHEN NOT TIED AND ANY ONE FOR THAT MATTER WHO CARES A DNM FOR YOU YOU ALSO MUST CARE DANM FOR HIM WHEN HE IS MOT WORTH WHY Waste time and valuable lives precious moments-
    LEARN TO SEE LIFE WAIT FOR PEOPLE WHO CAN GIVE YOU LOVE NOT PRETENCE OF LOVE

    HOPE YOU WILL DIVERT YOUR ATTENTION TO REAL LIFE COMING OUT OF THIS FALSE MIST SURROUNDING YOU CALLED INFATUTATION...
    REGARDS

    • I so far was fine for few days but I don't know again what ever he does is affecting me :'(

      I just have lost hope faith firn belief:'( its lik my death is worth than stayng like dis
      It is afecting me every way

      • Death is worse? Really? So are you burning in fire right now? No you're not. If you commit suicide, you will face much much worse than you could even contemplate.

        So instead of dwelling in so much self pity, stand up like a Muslimah and admit your faults, take responsibility for getting into this haram relationship and focus on turning back to Allah. When we mess up, there are always going to be consequences. This is your consequence.

        The longer you keep up this 'self pity/victim' mentality, the longer you will suffer. The sooner, you admit YOUR sins and realise that Allah has actually done you a favour by removing this haram relationship from your life - despite your disobedience of Him(swt), the sooner you will start being grateful.

        Improve your Salaah, spend time with family and good female friends and when you do feel low - accept it as a small consequence of disobeying Allah. Learn about your deen, read about Rasool(sws) and do sabr - its difficult, hence very reward worthy. Patience sister, patience.

        SisterZ
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • Mashallah thank you so much sister ^^

          But I feel good for a while then again I become the same
          Facing alot I don't knw how to come out its hell at the moment

          • Follow the words of Sister Z. Try to get out of the victim/self-pity cycle. Turn to Allah. Yes, somedays you will be fine and the next thing you know your crying uncontrollably... It's normal. Losing someone who you love is painful; regardless, if it was right or wrong. It's a lesson learned. Keep your head up sister.

            ~Kalila143

  6. Ok years back I felt exactly how you are feeling I felt lost I felt like everything was over,
    But inside I knew that I did something bad and I'm at the age of marriage I gave myself some time to get over it then told my family I was ready for marriage as I didn't want to fall into any of these relationship stuff.
    Luckily my family found me someone dear sister he is the man I have been waiting for he treats me well looks after me I honestly don't have any complaints against him, yeah there's little stuff like arguments but that's normal every couple have that at first as they say first yeah of marriage is hard also the most memorable one.
    You know when I think of the past I actually laugh and think to myself did I used to think all them things like oh I can't ever get over that person oh how am I gonna live but hey look at me now!
    I pray that all this ends soon for you and you find someone good and pious to marry and you are happy for good.

  7. Hello, if I'm reading your post right if he did cheat on you not in your shoe to say this but you should never miss a cheater I know is hard to forget but still you deserve someone so much better then him someone else deserve your love, try hang out with your friends shop read Quran pray to forget about him insallah Allah help you get threw this pain soon.

    • Xactly I just say forget now and do somthng else
      Thast like then my whole body I don't what sounds like u r running from the truth
      Like u r being cheated and ignored now u can't run frm the truth :/

  8. Walaikum salam Sis,

    "Just Ignore" I know the pain of this word, & no pain will beat the allah mercy so, all you need is relax your self and dhikir from your heart.

    Islamic way of healing

    Allah said seek benifit from repeating my names(Dhikir) ,there is a 99 names of allah will help you from this situation. so you do your 5 times namaz followed by dhikir, (you must belive allah from your heart and say his name) insha allah all your problem will be come to an end.

    Social way of Healing

    We dont need to follow this because we are ummah,

    First two weeks you will cry and third week he started to cry i know about guyz even he cheated , your love will hurt him lot ( may be now or two weeks later) hopefully, after that he will come to you.

    Im a counseller, " simple Example, you can read from this http://www.healmybrokenheart.com/.

    Regards,
    Nazar

    • Inshallah I will do dhikr this way
      Thank you though

      But its just being very long though now I don't knw how ill it go

    • Bro u r a counseller? 😮
      Help me out its like I am killing like anything :/

      I have sing him many times but he has just moved on alot
      That I can't even imagine
      I just don't want to do anymore it has being months 🙁 though

      • Is he related to you..i mean the guy...

        • Ya he's my very close cousin

          • Its ok...

            you can follow sunnah way lah...

            Are you doing fasting...

            Seeking Refuge in Allāh (The Glorified and The Exalted)
            Narrated Hadrat Abū Hurayra (may Allāh be pleased with him): Allāh's Messenger (may Allāh's blessings and peace be upon him) used to invoke Allāh as follows:

            "Allāhumma innī a'ūdhu bika min 'adhābi?l Qabr, wa min 'adhābin-nār, wa min fitnati?l mahyā wa?l mamāt, wa min fitnati?l masīh i?d-dajjāl.

            (O Allāh! I seek refuge with You from the punishment in the grave and from the punishment in the Hell-fire and from the afflictions of life and death, and from the afflictions of the anti-Christ)." (Bukhārī)

            Du?ā at the time of difficulty
            Narrated Hadrat Ibn 'Abbās (may Allāh be pleased with him): Prophet Muhammad (may Allāh's blessings and peace be upon him) used to say at the time of difficulty,

            Lā ilāha Illallāh u?l 'Alīm u?l Halīm
            Lā ilāha Illallāhu Rabb u?l ?Arsh i?l ?Azīm
            Lā ilāha Illallāhu Rabb u?s Samāwāti wa Rabb u?l Ardi
            wa Rabb u?l 'Arsh i?l-Karīm. (Bukhārī)

            The meaning of this invocation is:

            None has the right to be worshipped but Allāh, the All-Knowing, the Most Forbearing.
            None has the right to be worshipped but Allāh, the Lord of the Tremendous Throne.
            None has the right to be worshipped but Allāh, the Lord of the Heavens and the Lord of the Earth and the Lord of the Honourable Throne.

        • Ya I do fast alhumdulilah
          And I do my prayers well five times I have never yet missed my any prayer since long alhumdulilah

          But this thing is difrent I will read the duas which u gave me thank you

          But ya I feel good for a while I feel now ok am done
          But no after some time am the same and this is rediculous this is how I have being lost bro

          • Sis,

            you need to know one thing "if you dont have the problem in your life, there is a chance of we may forget allah" Problem is also rahmat from allah, every time we pray from our heart we are close to allah and he ready give any thing,

            now we are second 10 of fasting its called as seeking forgiveness and you must repeat the dua..
            ASTAGFIRULLAHA RAB-BI MIN KULLI ZAMBIYON WA-ATOOBUILAIYH"

            Be practical if you stuck in one place you may loss more then what you lost before, so forget every thing like passing cloud and move further...look around every where if you are wealthy start your tour and stay away from where you have been hurted...

            If possible do breathing excersise....

            Let me c...

          • Sorry??? I dint understand that thing about problem hope u don't mind xplaining again bro

            Well ya I was in relation but I never let him touchd me any how
            But I knw that relation is not good however b4 marriage

            But bro I don't know why I try moving on very hard try and 4get evrythng but he ends on my mind I don't even know how
            And at tyms it goes so Deep that I thnk that now nothng is posible and I am left as a loose
            Where on the other hand he's having fun doesn't care anywy

  9. Assalam O Alikum

    Sis it really hurts when you loose the person or he cheats on you. 1 year ago i was also in the same situation as you are in and i can feel the pain you are suffering from. I use to love my cousin and he use to love someone else and even chat with me and suddenly he stopped and he never answerd my calls and replied to msgs i thought it was end of my life whole day i used to cry sit alone and not talk to any1 even though Alhamdulillah i pray five times a day read all kind of duas recite Quran daily offer tahajud prayers but then also i was not able to control myself. I thought to die also many times but as time passed i even didnt feel how i stopped thinking about him i started ignoring him whenever he use to come to my house because he was my cousin and Alhamdulillah now i am fine it took alot of time but i was able to recover. The best thing in my story one day he himself called me and asked me to forgive him and return back to him but i ignored him in the way he ignored me and now i am happy Alhamdulillah. What i would advice you is as you are young enough to get maried you must complete your studies and engage in to other activities. Sit with your parents brothers and sisters as they are the best friends always and whenever he comes to your mind just do wozu and start reading Quran and offering nafil prayers and tahajuud .Dont loose hope and i guarentee you 100 percent you are going to find someone better than him and you will be happy in your life In sha Allah. As this is the month of Ramadan before iftar any dua you make will be fullfilled. Seek help from Allah and make tawbah if you commited any sin . We human beings commit many sins knowingly and even unknowingly Allah is most gracious and most merciful and will forgive our sins In sha Allah. Please dont loose hope. I hope it helps and if i said something wrong please forgive me and do remember me in your prayers as i am in need of prayers. JazakAllah.

    • Jazakallah sis

      Well mine is the same he is my cousin too, I feel ashamed of having this kind of cousin though, well it has being realy long v have broke up and 1 day comes when I think I am finaly over him then again after 1 or 2 days I am again the same :'(
      I just think now nothing will help me anymore while seing him he has moved on so much and I can't makes me worst though

      • sis even though he has moved alot but he will suffer by remembering what he did to you as mentioned earlier by bro nazar boys even cry i am damn sure he will come to you one day to ask for forgiveness no matter how much he moves on or be a strong personality person he will regret for what he did to you. Even almost after 1 year my cousin called me .You just ignore him completely and turn yourself to all kinds of duas and prayers . In the morning when you wake up recite surah fajr read 99 names of Allah read morning azkar offer fajr prayer and before duhr prayer offer 2 rakahs salatul duha, read surah yasin, at night before sleeping read surah mulk recite ayatul qursi, try to memorize last 3 verses of surah bakarah , these are small prayers but reward is great. In sha Allah everythng will be fine

        • Inshallah I will sis

          No he is nt sufferng as he's my cousin I have seing him many times after that
          But nor do I pretend as if I don't care but its killing me

          I don't know what kind of sounds and thoughts come saying I am ignored and he has moved on and I can't all thid kinds of voices come

          I say auzubilah so mny times but all this just happens though

          Y with me? :'(
          He has cmpltly 4goten evrythng though I don't love him but I stil 24 hour thnk about him this wil kill me soon as I thnk its afctng me badly

  10. Dear sis you dont knw what is in ones mind and heart how can you say that he is not suffering and he stopped thinking about you. What i think my point of view we girls are not strong enough and we show up everything on face like we are sad crying etc but Allah has created man strong even though they become sad they never show it . I am confident of what i am saying and its my personal experience i never thought my cousin would call me or msg me after all what he did to me but at the end he repented for what he did with me. Here i dnt mean to say my cousin did so your cousin wil also do it but this is fact Your cousin will suffer or he is suffering but he tried and moved on so you should also forget about him and live your life happily. You never know whats gonna happen next he might in future ask your hand for marriage as he is your cousin if you both are created for each other but for the time being forget everythng about him and live your life i know its not easy but as the time passes everythng will be normal.

    • Ur cousin is billions mercent more better than mine
      When we broke up after a year or more the day itslf after just a few minutes he was having chats with other womens could u believe how had It hurt me
      I am broken I don't know what to do I don't know whom to talk to
      And u say he must be suffering for this thing I can swear that no sis he aint suffering at all
      I have seing him many times and I am o allah then y is this happening with me

      Sis what should I do few people told don't worry just move on and b happy but this sersly doesn't help but makes even worse :'(
      I feel that this will never go I just want to be happy again but I can't what I got inside screams an says u wil never move on

  11. If you dont have any problem in your life you forget allah, so he will rise problem and he test your patients Hopefully you will be alright, dont asume as your own...
    There is a Quote
    " Ever thing is written and nothing will be re written"

    i think you have a lack of confidence, let me tell me one thing. if that guy do not care about you and then why u are?...One thing clear that (you are not secure in thoughts) So Be open minded.

    and never think about past, Just take it as experience for the future.

    whats your age, i will suggest you based on that...

    • Ya that's what kills me more tht he doesn't care and if I do than I probably am a loose :'(

      Bro 1stly thank you so much 4 helping

      I am 16 right now and just can't forget though I don't knw what how and y?

      • Alamah......

        You are so young, just throgh every thing and go shopping with your friends and enjoy your life...
        you have lot of things to face later & so never miss your teen ages like wasting this kind of non sense issues....And make sure that you iman always towards allah...

        Anything always share your with your trusted once...

        Allah will grant you the peace here and there...insha allah hopefully you will be fine tomorrow...its already 12.30Am so better you go to sleep...

        Insha allah Allah will sent you the angel to protect our little angel...

        • 🙂
          Bro there is just no1 with whom I can share my things
          Ya am very young that's y I say I hav jus become a looser in this age coz I just don't know what to do

          The place where I am its evening though

          Bro thank you so much for responding so much to me :'(

          The thng that I do is only cry and feel the worst daily this has become my routine I can't overcome bro

          • Allahu Akbar....

            Every one has a special person like well wisher, may b mom, dad, and you close friend...I dont know whats the point ur feel so bad...no need what....Still You dont know find calm in you peace....

            Just read the hadith from this page

            https://www.facebook.com/HadithoftheDay

            Then yoou find the calmness...

            Insha allh let me know

  12. Bro again the thing
    U say well wisher as mom then my mom hardly lsiten to all this things of mine so I don't share any
    And dad I lost my dad inshallah his soul will rest in pease :'(
    Freind? I have but no1 trust worthy they like spreading the talks more

    And I don't use facebook

    U see again my life is just a hell nothng less though bro

    • Sister, your life is not a hell. Its never a hell, actually you have a better life than atleast a billion people on earth. You have to be thankfull to Allah. There are many muslim brothers and sisters who are suffering in this world, they have no food, shelter, clothing, they are in war torn countries etc etc, their life is difficult.

      Actually what ever is hapening to you, is done by you and you only. By being in a relationship which is forbidden in Islam,you are now suffering from its consequences asusual. That is why Islam is against such relationship.

      Since you cant forget him, i guess you should try to avoid it or play along because within a year or less you will eventually forget him dont worry.
      Dont waste you valuable time. Death may come knocking at your door anytime, so make good use of it, have patience patience and patience and do lots of worshiping and tawbah. Allah said You have to remember Allah because only with the remembrance of Allah do heart find peace.

      • Thank you for responding 🙂

        Patience? But for how long? It has being many months but still I can't be perfect I am so young and what I am left with is this :'(

        I am just getting worse every singal day don't knw what to do anymre
        When I sit I am calm like and after few mins I am like hey he is having fun their and u r a looser sitting here can't forget him:'( all these kinds of thoughts come what should I do now? 🙁

        • Juweriya,

          I recall in one of your comments you said that you never let him touch you. Alhumdulillah, that is good.

          You have asked about patience, how long should you maintain it? The answer is 'always'. Take what you are experiencing as a test from Allah. Allah tests those He(swt) loves and if you are going through this difficulty, hope that it will be an expiation for any sins you committed. Keep striving and replace the empty feeling you have with something positive. Take up some hobbies, spend time with family, learn about your deen, you will find alot of comfort through these things.

          You will start feeling better, but you will need to continue being patient. If you do not, you may do something 'wrong' in order to alleviate your pain, that will only make you feel worse. Sabr is not so reward worthy for no reason. Sabr is required at difficult times - for you, this is one of those times. Start by trying to meditate by talking less to people and more to Allah about how you feel.

          SisterZ
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Thank you sis 4 respondin

            My prob is alrdy their and then in abouve I get voices saying so lous that am running from truth where as the truth is he is having fun and u r stuck up
            What should I so
            I want my b4s lifee again :'( I am nly 16
            But though I don't know what to do

        • Sister juweriya,
          To answer your question on patience? Well, our souls are like clothes, when they get stained they need time to clean. The more dirty or tough a stain; the more time and washing it will need to clean; same goes for our heart, mind and soul to heal and to be clean again:).

          Please read this reply by a sister that I have copied from another post.

          By Dr. Maryam Bachmeier

          First, I want to praise you for being so strong. You did not give in and you are so precious. This experience has enlightened you to the fact that there are many men out there whose intentions are not so pure. A young woman in her 20’s and 30’s will indeed become attracted sexually to a man. This is only natural. That is one reason among many that we keep ourselves away from men.

          The fact is our body has no sense at all. It likes what it likes, and wants what it wants. And, if we let our body’s desire rule us, our heart will be broken. Some men are honorable and will respect this and protect us from being put in that position. Others will take advantage of that. We women are vulnerable. It is wrong for a man to take advantage of that. Many men use the excuse that if a woman puts herself in a situation where something can happen, then it is her fault. And, most of us Muslim women really try hard not to be in that situation. But, as human women, we get lonely and long to be with a man, and sometimes we do end up alone with a man.

          The man that you were with took advantage of you. He knew you were vulnerable and he knew that he was not looking for a wife. He put you in a position to get hurt. Some of our brothers need Honor 101, it is a sad thing. This man never had any intentions of being with you, and you are absolutely doing the correct thing by cutting off all communication with him. Please remain strong and do not talk to him again.

          There was a day when a good man would notice a vulnerable woman and not touch her, and if his intentions were not to peruse her for permanent marriage, he would encourage her to go home, talk to her mother, and keep herself away from men until marriage. These men are hard to find, and women seem to be like free candy to many, even to our Muslim Brothers. And it is true that our society may be giving our brothers the message that a woman’s body is no longer to be protected as so many of the modern women have forgotten themselves. But our Qur’an tells us not to sin against our own soul, and indeed, a woman’s soul and body cannot be separated. Penetrate the body, you penetrate the soul. Violate the body, you violate the soul. You were protected by ALLAH Alhamduillah. He did not penetrate you, and you can recover from this.

          I speak candidly and straight to the heart with truth. You have done well. Purity is important for so many reasons.

          You have already taken the first and most important step in getting yourself and your soul back after this experience. You stopped all communication with this man who is not interested in making you his wife.

          The next step is to heal. You do this by prayer. Prayer changes everything about who you are. It changes your physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual self. Pray for Forgiveness from Allah for allowing yourself to be put in Haram’s way. Allah is All Forgiving. With the knowledge that Allah Forgives, forgive yourself. You cannot judge yourself or be angry with yourself when you experience the All Forgiveness and Endless Love of Allah. This will purify you from the inside out, and your soul will be renewed.

          You will never lose the wisdom you gained from this experience, but you will experience purity again. Once you have completely accepted the Cleansing Love and Forgiveness of Allah, you will easily forgive your brother who took advantage of you. Alhamdulillah, he did not take your virginity, but he still wronged you, as his intentions toward you were not admirable or honorable. And, if you had given him the chance, he would have taken you illegally. But, our brothers are as confused and lonely as we are in our contemporary society. Many think that women want to have sex outside of marriage as they are receiving mixed messages.

          Most men don’t really want to hurt women or take advantage of them but they also are being told that they are not real men if they don’t have sex with them, without the responsibility of marriage. So, praise Allah for not only saving you, but for saving your Brother in Islam from this ignorance and potentially damaging sin. The Brothers sin against their own souls as well, and they are damaged too, they may not realize this, but it is true. With your new level of enlightenment, you can easily forgive this brother. When you do, you will reach even a higher level of spirituality and spiritual purity. The purity of the body is only the beginning. The completeness of our deen (religion) requires a refinement and purification of our minds, our emotions, and our soul. My sister, you are much closer than you think. You will not only be untainted as before, but better.

          This brings us to deen. It is often stated that marriage is one half our deen. Our deen is the very life we live. Indeed, we live in a world where so many men refuse to marry a woman who will not have sex with them first. This is haram (sinful). The men are “test driving” the car. Then if they are not completely satisfied, they refuse to buy the car. But, they are never completely satisfied, because buying the car means you have to maintain the car. Maintenance of a car means responsibility. You cannot own a car without working for the money with which to maintain it, or doing labor such as changing the oil, or the tires, etc. The bottom line is a man cannot have a car unless he is willing to care for the car. (Isn’t it interesting how we name cars, ships, planes….she?).

          Now, it is just wrong to “test drive” a woman as if she is a car. She has a soul. You cannot give her back once you take her. Oh, no sir, you have to keep her and take care of her, otherwise you just are not an honorable man. Plain and simple! And woman, you must realize your value, and not let a man steal you as some bad men steel cars, and don’t let him use you, and don’t let him test drive you.

          My sister, if you want marriage, let the whole Muslim Community know that you are available for Marriage…and be firm. Marriage or nothing! You are very young. There is no doubt there is a man out there who will appreciate having Quality, rather than quantity. And that is you, you are indeed quality.

          It is better to remain a virgin your entire life and “marry humanity” for the sake of Allah. In this way, you will complete your deen. Do good works, make yourself available for marriage. Keep a good brother (family member if possible) as an escort and protector so that the next time a suitor shows interest in you, he will not think he can touch you until marriage. If the world has degenerated to the point where a man will not marry you without touching you first, then, don’t marry. That may sound harsh and very difficult to do but you will be happier on the inside if you follow this advice.

          Woman’s heart is so delicate, and part of the reason our society is falling apart is because women are falling apart, because too many women are sinning against their own souls and allowing less than honorable men hurt them.

          So, please, start with prayer, forgive yourself as Allah Forgives you, then forgive your brother; get yourself sane and mentally, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy and be available for the path that Allah has destined for you.

          I will make dua (supplication) for you Inshallah.

          Muhammad1982,
          Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

          • Thank you so much for responding to me so well :)@muhamad1982
            Am flattered that their people lik you though I havnt ever met

            1st thng I want to say is the thng I can't get is patience:'( I don't knw y?
            Bcause it has being long v have broke up and he has moved on a lot and as I am stuck sice a long time this is eating me I am loosing everythng

            It says that so much time is over how more shud I wait

            I feel that people don't like me here anymore itt realy hurts knowning this
            Thety all here think am very rude to everyone so none of them may b like me
            I don't know what to do

            That boy u sayy that I should 4give him,, though I am no1 hu can forgiv allah is great he knows how am I being through right now
            Where as on the other hand that boy is just having fun in his lIfe
            I am only 16 and lost everythng just can t be hasppy
            I c here everyone so happy,, I think that it would be so amazing being as happy as they are
            Even I want to b happy as I used to b so happy b4 I dint use to care about anythng and I was very happy but now I can't get anythn
            Everythng has lost just coz of I thnk about that boy 24 hours even I can't sleep in this age:/

            I am fully getting ruined is this the way I will get healed? :'(
            It realy hurts it makes me crazy I can't do anythng :'(

            But jazakallah though4 responding to me this way

            But I don't know anythng anymore:'(

  13. How he is moving on? I accident subscribe to this post and I see no matter how sisters and brothers give you support it's not gonna make you pass trough this. For this ages my opinion your cousin is doing right to moving on. I'm sure stuff he is moving on is about study or career. And you should also do that focus on your future not his future dear. If Allah (swt) create you to be together it will happen InshaAllah. But if not then everything happen for better. Im in your situation I can say worse but I realize that if I cannot forget something then learn how to live with it but don't forget to balance with other stuff. I myself never forget father of my kid. Who now dump us out of his life. My son completely his face. Everyday looking at him I know I will be suffering for my past. Then now I am still living and moving on too. InshaAllah a person you should think about now is yourself.
    Warisa

    • Ya u right as u said that I should think about my self ya I want to but I don't know I swear to allah I don't know hw will this happen again

      Though that boy when v broke he moved on in just an hour he started relation with oter girl I mean I was so shocked that he's having fun their with other girls then y do I care? Why can't I 4get evrythn and b at peace :'(

      • Bcuz something not happen to be forgotten, it happen to make a lesson.
        Take this to be your strength for your future please.
        Takecare

        • Though the lesson has neing hitting me on ma face 4 long

          But though thankx 4 responding so very much 🙂

          I thank you realy very much

          I don't know now what will happen though

          Take care ^^

  14. Your 16? Wow
    Well a lot of members have given you loads of good advice hope you take that into account and learn from your mistakes, your younge you'll get over it

    • Ya sis ii am 16 and I am very thank full to all of you here who gave me these advice :'(

      Sis its afectng me badly
      But though as I hav being trying since so many months to move on and I have failed that y I perhaps dnt knw what to do again as I am failng evry plac
      As he's my cousin so often our families meet and more I thnk abut him where as he doesn't even care than y me ? :'(

      Ya allah I just don't knw what all I will b facng in this age where I don't knw what hapines means any mre

  15. Assalamualaikum! ^^

    I have read your post and I don't know whether what I'll write will help or not, but insyaAllah,I hope it helps.
    First of all, don't try to forget him. You're trying do hard to forget him that you didn't realize you was remembering him instead. Besides, life just doesn't work that way. Without pain, we can never experience true happiness. Without happiness, we can never experience true pain. my point is that, everything happens for a reason. There will always be partner for everything. The sky and the ground, day and night etc. it's okay to feel sad, insyaAllah, you will feel happy, no matter how long it takes.you might never get rid of the sadness you experience right now, but that's the beauty of it; you can truly appreciate what Allah has given to you.
    Secondly, remember! And be confident that Allah always gives the best to all of us, insyaAllah. Allah swt will NEVER gives us tests that we can't take, in life. NEVER EVER EVER! So, if Allah swt say that we can handle ths pains given, why can't we have faith and stand up to these life tests?? Allah swt is the Planner, and He has decided that we can take these pains and come out stronger, better faith in Allah swt, who are we to say otherwise?? Never forget that...everyone have their own tests, these are yours, and insyaAllah, you'll be fine. Don't try to brother with him, let him be.if he is still on your mind, let it be. If he's having fun, well, tell me, can't you just go and have fun already? ^^ you're just 16, do you want to look back and see that you waste precious time morning over him? No,I believe you don't want that. go and have fun! Look for a hobby! ^^ insyaAllah, it'll be fine.just don't fight yourself to much. If you want to remember him, remember the good times.if you want to remember him cheating, well, are you guys married? No, then let him do whatever he wants, you just take care of yourself. With time, insyaAllah, it won't be as painful and you might even has a husband by that time, who knows? ^^
    I can guess how painful that can be, but as I said, we all have our own tests to deal with, insyaAllah, it'll be fine. As for me,I have someone whom I want to marry and he also wants to, insyaAllah. Right now, we're trying to focus studying and finding a good job where we'll be able to help our family and insyaAllah, build a family of our own..although the feelings are mutual, it is still not easy. I have to wait for approx 5 more years before we can get married and like you,I don't have much of a patience. On the other hand,I know that, insyaAllah, if we're meant to be, we'll be together. For now, we are trying or best! And so, you should too, cause it's almost never easy, where will the meaning go? 😉 insyaAllah, everything will work out! Hope this helps you, however much you want it to..sorry if there's any harsh words or anything,I don't mean any offense okay.

    Batrisyia, 19

    • batrisyia thank you so much for advising me 🙂 ya am 16 and as u said we are not married so y should bother what he does but I just don't know how,, am realy depressed tryng and tryng a lot but failing
      But still thankx a lot for responding 🙂
      Inshallah u ll get the person u want inshallah ur time goes rapid and u meet the person u like:)
      May allah giv u the best jazakallah ^_^

      • It's okay..I see that you believe that you will fail, why is that? Don't you trust yourself? Anyhow, it's okay if you want to bother with him being happy, but why don't you be happy to? ^^ anyways, can we email each other?I think it's easier to talk to you and, more private cause I'm just a normal person, trying my best to balance my life sooooo that I'll get into Heaven, insyaAllah...

  16. Ok

  17. No bro he has got no attitude, its me who looks with more attitude and wit not caring about him
    But its realy afcting me,, and he's of my own very close family I pretend that I don't care at all about him but I realy am going crazy

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