Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Boyfriend threatens to ruin me and my family

As salam aliekum

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I am a regular visitor of your website. I am in need of urgent counseling. Please help me. I don't understand what to do.

We were good always. Our marriage was about to be fixed few months back but a few things went wrong in my family and they denied marrying me to him for so many reasons. But later I convinced my family but they asked us to wait for valid reasons. He was ready to wait for me as long as my family asks us to wait but now he has changed his decision for reasons which I regard totally illogical. He asked me not to contact him but I did because my sins were tormenting me and I wanted to marry him and marry no one. He abused me and tried many ways to keep away but still I was behind.

Only sometime back he called my sister and told "ask your sister not to contact me, she is troubling me a lot". I got angry, called him back and spoke indecent words, which I regret I shouldn't have done. Now he got enraged and he threatens to ruin the living of my entire family and me. Why should my family suffer for no fault of their's? He told that he will plan it out very carefully. I don't want shame to come upon my family because of me. He has sworn by Allah, by Qur'an and by his parents that he will surely ruin me, my married and unmarried sisters and my neice. And also ruin the reputaion of my father and brothers.

I have many things to tell but can't type evrything. I could confide in you people if I could speak to you people face to face or at least over phone. I have my final exams from tomorrow, I am so much preoccupied with all these things. I think I will fail.

Please reply urgently.

As salam aliekum.

Sabr


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37 Responses »

  1. As salamu alaykum, sister Sabr,

    Stay calm, keep your nerves under control and let´s see the situation. He is annoyed with you because you contacted him, then please, don´t do it again.

    Stop any kind of relationship with this man, no messages, no texting, no phone calls, no anything, stay away from him. If anytime he comes close to you to speak for any reason, what I doubt, ask him for forgiveness, if this situation doesn´t appear, don´t look for it, it is not necessary, insha´Allah, just in case, that it is in your destiny to be ready, insha´Allah.

    He has scared you deeply and the main objective is to keep you far from him, then not a big deal to give this to him, he is making you a favour, Alhamdulillah.

    Now related to you, let´s begin from the begining, you have sin, you have stoped sinning, you should repent from Heart from what happened to you and begin to build up your strength, and this strength only has one origin, Allah(swt), then directly to Him(swt) better now than tomorrow, insha´Allah.

    You know the process, salat on time are you blessed with the Adhan, can you listen to it?, Read the Quran slowly and consciously, pray dua, recite the Name of Allah(swt) and His Attributes. Focus on Allah(swt) ask Him for Help and Guidance, this is the way to find Peace and to solve all the obstacles and struggles you are going through, insha´Allah, Alhamdulillah.

    You have a link on tawbah and other one on dua on top of the page. Focus on living your life and healing your wounds, insha´Allah.

    Trust Allah(swt) and feel the Light everytime you approach Him(swt), insha´Allah.

    All my Unconditional Respect,

    María
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Assalamu alaykum Sister Sabr,

    I hope you got my advice on the other post before your question got published today. Now this space is yours and you can write your progress in the matter here, Insha Allah.

    Salaam,
    Your brother.

    • As salam aliekum sister maria and brother munib,

      Jazakallah sister, and, brother munib, so you could figure it out?

      Yes, Its me, Fatima. I have registered myself as sabr here.

      Sister maria, Alhamdulillah after brother's advice I have truely repented and I don't want to turn to him again. Brother munib had adviced me to leave all contact with him and I did. I had earlier repented many times for having relation with him, but I cuoldn't help refrain myself from returning to him. Brother munib had quoted from the Qur'an:

      165. Yet of mankind are some who take unto themselves objects of worship which (they set as) rivals to Allah, loving them with a love like (that which is the due) of Allah (only) Those who believe are stauncher in their love for Allah, that those who do evil had but known, (on the day) when they behold the doom, that power belongeth wholly to Allah, and that Allah is severe in punishment! - Surah Baqarah.

      And also a verse from the Qur'an which says about the repetition of punishment for repitition of sins. I am sorry I am unable to trace that verse.

      Brother I remember telling you, Allah is guarding me, I have felt His protection. Today i also feel his beneficence and love for me. My post has been published so soon. And the problem which I wanted to further discuss with you has already been answered by sister maria.

      I had switched off my phone, with a clear intention of not to contact him. But two days after his threat I got his call. I had switched my phone on because I sometimes use it as modem when broadband is not available. And every time I switch it on for some urgency, I am getting his call. As if he comes to know when I switch off or switch on my phone. He texted me that he is not calling me to quarrel with me, but its really something very urgent. I still did not contact him nor did I take his call. He knows my pulse, so he texted my sister that I am sitll troubling him while I am not. I know he did this so that I contact him. Because I hate his troubling my sister. Still I was firm, I didn't respond to him because I have truly repented now. Only sometime back when I was in my exam he had called me. I saw his missed call after I came out of the exam hall and switched my phone off again. Once my exams are over InshaAllah I'll try to shun my mobile or atleast will change my number.

      If its Allah's will to unite us then no one shall separate us. What is destined to happen with me shall happen. Allah will surely give me what is best for me.

      This is was what I wanted to ask you brother. Should I listen to what he wants to say? Should I tell him that I have repented and want to break all my contact with him. But, if I did, I know this will begin again. But I am really convinced with what sister maria told above:

      If anytime he comes close to you to speak for any reason, what I doubt, ask him for forgiveness, if this situation doesn´t appear, don´t look for it, it is not necessary, insha´Allah, just in case, that it is in your destiny to be ready, insha´Allah.

      Brother I have told all about this to my elder sister. Even she agrees with what you had told:

      Turn to Allah repentant, cut contact with this guy or any guy who does not repent to Allah. If he says yes - I am talking of marriage at home- Insha Allah, I shall inform you of whether I can marry you or not by xx-xx-xx date. But if he does not do so, I doubt intentions of such a person. And even if he is serious, as per Islam, there can be no dating/friendship between you and him without marriage. If he is continuing it, being a responsible Muslima you should stop him and yourself from this right now.

      Alhamdulillah I got my answer even before I could ask it. At times I wonder why Allah should be so merciful with me when I have sinned so much. He makes me exell in my studies, people speak of my soft behaviour, people praise me in front of my mother and siblings in social functions, my friends appreciate me for my work and patience. Alhamdulillah! But I feel I am not worth it.

      Jazakallah for you advice.

      Please pray for me.

      As salam aliekum.

      • Assalamu alaykum Sister Fatima,

        May Allah always keep you guided. Of course, I could figure out it was you as I am aware of your situation.

        Masha Allah sister, you are worth being appreciated by people.

        Alhamdulillaah, I am very happy to see you did not respond to his calls. Do not talk to him. He insulted you, he threatened you as well and these people do not deserve to be heard.

        If he was a good Muslim, he would not do that. If he can do this now, after marrying you and having you in life, he can do this even more.

        Just see what he did again when you did not respond to his call. He immediately brought up your sister in to it and told her a "clear lie" about you.

        Avoid the company of such people, make your security your top priority, try ot have your brother or a mahram when you go out, such people may come at college or outside and create disturbances. So keep yourself safe and guarded.

        Keep reciting Surah Falaq and Surah Naas on regular basis along with Surah Al Fatiha.

        Your progress is really impressive in this matter, Alhamdulillaah. Allah is with you of course now that you have turned to Him.

        Pray for better proposals to come your way and your sisters' way. Pray for the khair for your family. Continue this. Do not repeat the mistake of falling in love again.

        And also in marriage, I had given you an advice, if you remember, about not starting physical relations without knowing the person well, if he does not turn out to be good, seek divorce and you have no period of iddah and pray and wait for a better proposal.

        May Allah make only the good come your way, but Allah forbid, if something like this comes up, we have to be ready. So whenever you marry, keep the guy informed of this.

        49. O ye who believe! If ye wed believing women and divorce them before ye have touched them, then there is no period that ye should reckon. But content them and release them handsomely. - Surah Al Ahzaab.

        And the verse of Punishment is from Surah Al Israa:

        8. It may be that your Lord will have mercy on you, but if ye repeat (the crime) We shall repeat (the punishment), and We have appointed hell a dungeon for the disbelievers.
        9. Lo! this Qur’an guideth unto that which is straightest, and giveth tidings unto the believers who do good works that theirs will be a great reward.
        10. And that those who believe not in the Hereafter, for them We have prepared a painful doom.
        11. Man prayeth for evil as he prayeth for good; for man was ever hasty.
        - Surah Al Israa.

        Keep on striving for Islam and be a Muslim with whom Allah is pleased with, Insha Allah.

        Salaam,
        Your brother.

        • Waliekum as salam brother,

          You embarrass me by telling I am worth praise. I have confided in you and atleast you know I have sinned.

          You told:

          "May Allah make only the good come your way, but Allah forbid, if something like this comes up, we have to be ready. So whenever you marry, keep the guy informed of this."

          But will that guy marry me after he has heared my past? And after nikah how to convince the husband not to touch me? It will be very difficult you know that. And divorce? You know the SOCIETY is there always waiting for SPICY GOSSIPS and for making tales of that which has not at all occured in reality. What about my parents? Will they listen to me if I tell this?

          Will the so called SAMAAJ let us live peacefully? What you tell sometimes seems fantasy to me. An absolute utopia. Brother, do we have such guys?

          Let Allah guide all unto the right path. I wish I could tell my boyfriend to be here, become more islamic and follow the path of Islam.

          Please remember me in your duas brother.

          As salam aliekum.

          • Assalamu alaykum Sister,

            All praise be to Allah. Why should we be praised? We are humans.

            I said "appreciation" is good and you are worthy of it if you do good.

            I did not say inform him of "this" meaning your past no.

            Infact, never disclose your past to anyone. It should be between you and Allah only.

            If someone insists on asking then tell him: This is me. What you see me to do. If you accept me as I am now, then welcome, if not then don't come.

            Telling past has ruined many relationships. So don't tell it in any case, Insha Allah.

            Regarding utopia, well, this is Islam and we have to live it in lives to establish the teachings in the Qur'an in to practice.

            Those who do gossip have not understood Islam.

            Allah has given you a choice to part before anything physical, you can show this verse to your parents and may put forward this condition to a guy , if you wish, if you don't, it's not compulsory. A good Islamic guy, aware of the Qur'an will always understand what you mean by this condition of not touching immediately.

            It is better to live with a person who is Islamic and good, then to live with someone who does not allow peace in life.

            Many of our sisters get pregnant, have kids and are unable to leave husbands due to this reason. Many say the same as you, what would people say?

            Will these people come to rescue and give us their good deeds on Qiyamah?

            Will they help us against Allah?

            Whom are we to please being Muslims? People or Allah?

            Whatsoever Allah has mentioned in Qur'an is possible and not utopia.

            We are Muslims and the Qur'an is for our well being, a guidance for life. So whosoever puts it in to practice to have a good life, Insha Allah, he will have it.

            Whosoever abstains from practicing in it, to please the "samaaj" or society, will bear the consequences and this society will not come to his rescue in his/ her marriage, nor in an unahppy married life if it comes and not even in divorce, this society only talks - gossips - and such people are of no good.

            So whom do you wish to please? The people obeying whispers of Shaytaan and turning away from Allah's revelations? Or you want to please Allah?

            Every change is brings some disruption, but good changes bring equilibrium in life. And the Qur'an is the Balance, if you live it, Insha Allah, you will be content.

            We are the youth of Islam, it is we who have to break the backs of cultures, it is we who have to bring religion to the forefront and it is we who have to come forward and set examples. If we think of Qur'an's principles as impossible or Utopia how do we expect to bring ourselves, our elders and insha Allah the generations to come from the darkness of ignorance and cultural traditions that have prevent people from practising Islam?

            10. O ye who believe! Shall I show you a commerce that will save you from a painful doom?
            11. Ye should believe in Allah and His messenger, and should strive for the cause of Allah with your wealth and your lives. That is better for you, if ye did but know.
            12. He will forgive you your sins and bring you into Gardens underneath which rivers flow, and pleasant dwellings in Gardens of Eden. That is the supreme triumph.
            13. And (He will give you) another blessing which ye love: help from Allah and present victory. Give good tidings (O Muhammad) to believers.
            - Surah As Saff.

            Salaam,
            Your brother.

  3. @ Sister Fatima,

    Now that you know in Islam there can be no girl friend and boy friend, so it is better to abstain yourself from using these terms.

    Salaam,
    Your brother.

  4. Waliekum as salam brother,

    I didn't mean to deny what the Qur'an tells. I think I am very weak when it comes to expressing something. I think I use improper words. This is why I am the most misunderstood one many a time.

    MashAllah you tell so convincingly. And sister maria tells it with such humility and benevolence.

    And, I really had regreted after submitting my last comment for having mentioned my "boyfriend" in it. InshaAllah I will abstain from using these terms as adviced by you.

    And I told about the society for my family. They follow it. For me it really doesn't matter what the society tells. Because I know I am not answerable to them but to Allah. This was how I had convinced my family for marrying me to him, as they were not ready for my marriage with a quraishi boy - "what the people will tell?

    I know myself and Allah knows me and my intentions.

    I really feel Allah has something better for me in His store that is why all these hurdles.

    I am sorry brother, but you are so strict.

    Jazakallah for leading me one more steps towards my deen.

    As salam aliekum.

    • Assalamu alaykum Sister Fatima,

      I am "strict" for the good of my own brothers and sisters. It is better to give reminders, always.

      Yes, Allah also wants you to turn to Him. Remember when a "musibat" comes, Allah's will is that we grow humble and turn to Him, and seek Forgiveness and stand clean in front of Him. He invites us to goodness from evil, He wants us to turn our attention to Him, He wants us to leave the wordly pleasures after which the disbelievers are crazy, He wants us to return to His Path - Siraat al mustaqeem.

      21. And verily We make them taste the lower punishment before the greater, that haply they may return. - Surah Sajdaa.

      Salaam,
      Your brother.

  5. If anyone saw the comment that I posted earlier, please note that I was mistaken and I extend my apologies to sister Fatima.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. Assalamu alaykum brother Wael,

    I read the comment. I was surprised to see your anger.

    Sister Fatima was asking us on things on another post, you asked her to post her question, she somehow got it here, thanked Allah and she was needing our advice and I thought why brother Wael is having a go?

    Alhamdulillaah, I hope all things are okay now.

    Sister, we are sorry, all of us here. Please write like before without worries. Insha Allah.

    Salaam,
    Your brother.

    • It was the "somehow got it here" part that bothered me. We have a wait of about 2 months for publication of questions. We have many people who have been waiting patiently for their questions to be answered, even when their situations are urgent. We have to be fair to them. I mentioned to sister Fatima to submit her question as a separate post, then only two days later here it was, under a different name. I thought she had somehow persuaded one of our junior editors to move it to the front of the queue, using a different name as a deception. But I was mistaken. As Allah says, "Surely some suspicion is a sin." So, I apologize. One of our editors, on her own, felt that the post was urgent and moved it forward. So, though I would have preferred that this post should wait in turn like everyone else's, it's not Fatima's fault and she did nothing wrong, and she should feel free to comment here like anyone else.

      Now I hope the issue is closed. Let's get back to advising people and doing good work, Insha'Allah.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • As salam aliekum brother wael and brother munib,

        Alhamdulillah! Allah helped me again. I am proved innocent. Its only human to err and Allah to forgive.

        I am sorry brother wael if anything in my post created suspision in your mind. I am annoyed with none of you.

        I was totally heart broken last night after your comment about me. I think Allah was testing me if I will turn to that guy again broken heart. Alhamdulillah I didn't. I undersatnd your anger brother wael. I understand that there are people more in need of help than me. I shall remember this and shall try not to repeat the mistake.

        I pray to Allah to make things easy for me. Please do pray for me.

        Jazakallah brother.

        As salam aliekum.

        • Assalamu alaykum Sister,

          Don't worry. And do not turn to the guy when your heart is broken or not. Many women try to cling on to a support when a relation breaks and Shaytaan whispers them to turn to the same man again or whispers to get inclined to and have desires for another person. So do not obey Shaytaan after Allah has guided you.

          Keep chaste until marriage, no more love now, now more any other guy in between, Insha Allah.

          Keep us, your brothers and sisters updated with your life.

          Salaam,
          Your brother,
          Munib.

          • Waliekum salam brother,

            I "have" to be here with you all, if not, I know I shall again yield to shaitan. I pray to Allah to give me strength. You know women are weak in so many ways.

            Please remember me in your duas brother.

            Jazakallah!

            As salam aliekum.

        • Sister Fatima,

          Read the Qur'an much, keep praying much, ask Allah to guard you against Shaytaan.

          Bear in mind that Allah is not pleased with any girl friend boy friend stuff going on.

          So seek His help and be firm in what you decided. Read the Qur'an and make deep study of it.

          Hope this helps.

          Salaam,
          Your brother.

          • As salam aliekum brother,

            Can you please provide me a link to download Qur'an with English translation and tafseer? I have the English translation but not tafseer. But I have Urdu tafseer. Being English medium I can't understand difficult Urdu terms.

            I read the English translation and so many questions come to my mind and I don't know where to get clarified.

            Some time back I downloaded PDF files of Qur'an with English & Urdu translation and tafseer. And I am now downloading MP3 chapter by chapter with English translation.

            Help me with this brother.

            As salam aliekum.

  7. Assalamu alaykum Sister,

    You can download Qur’an in English by doing google search “ Qur’an in engish pdf Pickthall” and go to the link which appears below the search.

    My strong advise is to read Qur’an and only Qur’an now and Tafsir much later else it will limit your thinking, will make you feel Qur'an is only for those situations and people when it was revealed.

    I tell you, the best explanation of the Qur'an is the Qur'an itself.

    Try to understand by direct reading of the Qur’an for now. And ask me questions here if you have any.

    Visit the page I have given link for here and read translations here:

    Pickthall & Muhammad Asad have better use of language. Asad also has some explanatory notes http://www.openburhan.net/ob.php?sid=1&vid=1

    You may download Surahs in Arabic here with very good qirat: http://alafasy.tripod.com/
    Mishary Al Afasy is one of the most popular Qari's on the internet today. He has clear voice and pronunciations which will Insha Allah help you learn Surahs by heart quickly.

    Salaam,
    Your brother.

    • Waliekum as salam brother,

      Jazakallah for all the help. Too many questions come to my mind. I cannot write different posts for the chain of questions. And also will have to wait long for the post to get published. Only last night I was reading the translation of Surah Yusuf and so many questions came to my mind but..... I know brother wael is going to mind it and be sticter this time if the code of conduct is again broken. Now I am afraid of him.

      I will follow the above links InshaAllah. Jazakallah brother.

      Remember me in your duas.

      As salam aliekum.

  8. As salamu alaykum sister Fatima,

    Alhamdulillah, you are doing better sister Fatima. Thank you very much for your words and thoughts towards me.

    Dear sister, your problems now, related to your process of learning the Quran and understand it can be attended in your local masjid, insha´Allah. Surely in your city, you will find groups of muslimah ready to share with you this process, you should ask your Iman to put you in contact with sisters with your same interests, would be great for you not to feel alone in this process, insha´Allah.

    All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,

    María
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Waliekum as salam sister,

      Ok, I will InshaAllah try to find such groups in my city. I believe Allah will help with this also.

      Jazakallah sister.

      As salam aliekum.

      • Barak Allah Feek

        María
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Assalamu alaykum Sister Fatima,

        I am also a throughout English medium student, though my dad has good grip on Urdu since he did M.A with Urdu and has been in to it since last 40 years, he always used to tell me to learn Urdu. I learnt as well, but somehow I did not enjoy it as English and rather developed my skills in English.

        Even my struggle began with grasping the deeper meanings of the Qur'an and understand points, but I could not find any imaam or a scholar well versed with the Qur'an in my city. I know in India it is hard. Very hard. Even those who know Urdu hardly use their own brains, they follow much of what is taught to them, it is good you do "taffakkur" on the Qur'an on your own as Allah commands everyone among mankind to do so. Until and unless you do not sit with the Qur'an for hours, dedicate your time and mind to it, it will always be a formal knowledge, where as to see the Light, you have to feel the Qur'an in your own life but understanding it's verses.

        So what I did is that I used to read Qur'an again and again and again and again, I kept on reading until I did not understand something or grasp its meaning. Believe me, self learning does help a lot. It is struggle at first, but it makes you firm in feeling the Qur'an and a Light to walk in in your life.

        Insha Allah, I plan to take up studies in Arabic in future and develop my area of studies of Islamic literature in the language in which it was revealed and developed further.

        So if you do not find any other sisters or imaam, keep learning on your own. Ask Allah to guide you. Remember the Qur'an is paired, if there is one thing you do not understand, but later you will Insha Allah find another verse in another Surah pairing with the verse you could not understand. This pairing of the Qur'an is in more than one combinations. The more you study, the more you realize that the Qur'an explains itself the best.

        So continue your study of Qur'an life long, Insha Allah. I have been studying English translations since 2004-05 but I took it up seriously since 2009 and still I am feel I have just put my feet on this "vast" ocean of unending knowledge, unending applications of the verses of the Qur'an.

        May Allah make it a light for whom He wills and make us those who spread the Qur'an. I have been having cold and fever since last two days and its causing quite some fatigue, but the Qur'an also provides will power and mental healing when the body feels weak:

        146. And with how many a prophet have there been a number of devoted men who fought (beside him). They quailed not for aught that befell them in the way of Allah, nor did they weaken, nor were they brought low. Allah loveth the steadfast.
        147. Their cry was only that they said: Our Lord! Forgive us for our sins and wasted efforts, make our foothold sure, and give us victory over the disbelieving folk.
        - Surah Al Imraan.

        Islam encourages so much striving and we have to be with the Prophet (peace be upon him) i.e the Message given to him - The Qur'an and to strive with him ( his message the Qur'an), how? By striving, by being patient, by raising up our characters, by purifying our body and mind and thoughts and by being ready to leave worldy comforts and by raising up our imaan on the Qur'an and putting its words in to actions and spread His world to Muslims and non Muslims, to whomsoever we can. Insha Allah.

        May Allah make us His helpers in the cause of Islam. Insha Allah.

        52. But when Jesus became conscious of their disbelief, he cried: Who will be my helpers in the cause of Allah? The disciples said: We will be Allah's helpers. We believe in Allah, and bear thou witness that we have surrendered (unto Him). - Surah Al Imraan.

        Keep striving, Allahu akbar.

        Salaam,
        Your brother.

        • Waliekum as salam brother,

          Yes! Even my parents have their hold on Urdu language. I too learnt Urdu on their insistance. But, being an MA in Egnlish Literature I turn towards English Only and get irritated if any regional langage is preferred over it. The English translations of Qur'an are in royal English and it fascinates me a lot.

          Brother I want to annoy the editors of this site no more. Please forgive, I think our conversations are taking the form of informal chats. Let us stop it here for no further annoyance
          .

          Jazakallah brother for all your help. Let Allah reward you with hapiness unbound, may He grant you the "taufeeq" to help hundreds other muslims waiting to be guided. Let Allah make you His helper. Aameen.

          I certainly will keep your advice in my mind and devote as much time as possible in learning Qur'an.

          I shall certainly converse with you again when need be, (And on whatever post). I believe you will be there.

          Jazakallah brother.

          As salam aliekum.

        • And.... Let Allah ease you soon fom your illness. So that you are back again to leave response / responses on every post. :-)

          Do remember me in your duas.

          Jazakallah!

          • Assalamu alaykum,

            This website is Islamicanswers.com and I try to give answers here to people from Islamic view points to ease their problems.

            Same with the Qur'an, I give advice what I feel is better. May Allah make it easy for you to learn about it and gain and spread knowledge of Islam in depth to people of this world.

            Salaam and may Allah be your Helper, Insha Allah.

            Your brother.

        • As salam aliekum brother munib,

          Just now I read sisterz' advice on the post "I DIVORCED MY HUSBAND DUE MY FAMILY PRESSURE BUT I WANT HIM BACK IN MY LIFE". I thought I should share this with you and seek further advice. Have I taken the decision in haste? Can things be repaired? Because :

          I am regularly getting his calls and texts. When I neither took his calls nor I contacted him in any way he texted me day before yesterday "No fights and accusations, its urgent and impportant, sulha karlete hain." I still didn't respond to him because I have truely repented and turning back to him means losing the meaning and purpose of my repentance or say, annuling my repentance which I don't want to do.

          I believe, if Allah wills to unite us, then InshaAllah He (SWT) will unite us even if I leave all contacts with him. I have made Allah's will my will.

          Plase advice brother.

          As salam aliekum.

          • Assalamu alaykum Sister Fatima,

            You are on the right course. No need to do any sulah now. He has already done enough and now this seems to be a short drama.

            I am very impressed and pleased with your approach. I am really inspired by your beautiful words sister, they reflect true repentance sister. Keep it up Masha Allah.

            No need to turn back to the same thing again.

            Insha Allah, if Allah's will is to marry you with him, it will happen through the right channels Insha Allah.

            Until and unless a person does not have basic iimaan, akhlaaq, kindness and a good way to talk, a good Muslim would not be able to live a day with such a man, forget about a Muslima spending with him her whole life.

            What you said is 100% alright. Stick to it. No need to give in to his words and repeat the same story again.

            My du'aas with you. Keep asking Allah for protection from Shaytaan and desires and constantly ask for His guidance when you do not know what to do.

            Salaam,
            Your brother.

          • Fatima,

            My advice in that post was for a woman who was married and divorced in haste.

            Your situation is completely different, infact there is no comparison. Your relationship is outside of marriage and its an abusive one. My only advice to you is to run far from this man, run to your deen.

            SisterZ
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  9. As salam aliekum brother munib and sisterZ,

    Jazakallah for being there for me. Please pray for me.

    Let Allah's boundless mercy keep descending on the both of you always. Aameen!

    As salam aliekum.

  10. Actually, sometimes I am reminded of the good time we spent together. Tensions arose only when things were not working as we had expected them to work or when he chose to part. Sometimes I feel I should not forget that he is not basically like that but the situation made him. 5 years are not a less time to know someone I think.

    SisterZ, our's was no less than a marriage. We were always like man and wife in so many ways. I could relate so many things between us to that of my married sisters or married women around me. We were so happy with eachother. Everything seemed so normal everyday. But, I don't understand what came on his mind, why he did like that. May be because the wind was against us and he couldn't stand it.

    I don't know what to do. There is only one thing in my mind, I have repented and I shouldn't retract; Allah knows what is best for me and He is protecting me and guiding me unto the right path Alhamdulillah.

    Please remember me in your duas.

    As salam aliekum.

    • Assalamu alaykum Sister Fatima,

      Shaytaan makes you think that what you did before was "fair". This is his work. He wants you to think good about evil. Do not listen to his whispers.

      May Allah protect you. Stay firm on Islam and repentance.

      Salaam,
      Your brother.

    • Fatima,

      It was like a marriage, but it wasnt a marriage - theres a big difference. If you felt as though you were married for five years, then your relationship must have been flawed.

      When things are smoothly sailing, of course we're all smiles. Its when we are faced with difficulties that our characters are put to the test. That is the real 'us'. Your boyfriend was put to the test and he chose to behave badly. That is him, no temporary being. What he chose to do was extreme, not something that a God fearing person would do. We all make mistakes, yes. But your boyfriend's behaviour was nasty and vindictive. You are fortunate that you he revealed this side of himself to you now and since you are not married to him, its that much easier to walk away. There were no blessings in that flawed relationship.

      So count your real blessings (your life, your deen, your health, your family, etc) and don't turn back to this blackmailing vindictive person.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  11. Hmm... Jazakallah!

    As salam aliekum.

  12. As salam aliekum,

    Brothers and sisters, I need further advice.

    Allah always gives me that which I never ask for even in my dreams. A few things come so easily my way that I just wonder – Is it this that I had wanted?

    1. The other day when I told brother Munib that I would like to learn translation and meanings of the Qur’an and also clarify my doubts, sister Maria had told me – “Dear sister, your problems now, related to your process of learning the Quran and understand it can be attended in your local masjid, insha´Allah. Surely in your city, you will find groups of muslimah ready to share with you this process, you should ask your Iman to put you in contact with sisters with your same interests, would be great for you not to feel alone in this process, insha´Allah.”

    Alhamdulillah even before I could set out to search such groups, my elder sister called me and told that she is learning translations with a group Taalim-ul-Islam who not only teach the translations but also the root words and grammar of Arabic language, to make Muslim women to be able to understand The Qur’an. MashaAllah my sister has completed one Juzz. My sister told that the fresh batch is scheduled to begin from first Sunday of July. Happy as I was, I thanked Allah and decided to join the group.

    2. On the other hand calls and SMS of the guy didn’t stop. I didn’t respond or contact him in any way as I have sincerely repented and want to adhere to it without becoming the prey of shaitan once again. Whenever he calls me I remember what brother Munib had told me – “Insha Allah, if Allah's will is to marry you with him, it will happen through the right channels Insha Allah.”

    Now he has stopped contacting me but I am sure he will contact me again. Somewhere in my heart I still believe that Allah will surely get us married but “through the right channels Insha Allah.” Last week he called me continuously. So, I texted his younger brother that – “Your brother is contacting me continuously. I have understood the concept of tauba in Islam and I don’t want to sin again. If it’s about marriage then please tell him to contact the elders of my family.” But only last night I came to know that the boy has told nothing to his brother because he respects and fears him as his elder brother and cannot speak this stuff with him. Shall I speak to the guy once and just clarify everything?

    3. When I was in relation with him it was decided that I am not going to work after marriage. This was what I had nurtured in my mind for 5 long years. I had always imagined myself as a housewife – serving my husband and bringing up the children. I finish my MA in Journalism and Mass Communication this month and I already have so many job offers. Now, to imagine myself working? Ugh! I am not able digest. Last week I got a call from a residential school offering me a job of teacher of English Literature (As I am also an MA in English). But this school is at a place the journey to which is 6 hours by road. I will have to stay at a hostel which in the school campus itself. I consulted my elder sister regarding this and she asked me to decline it fearing the threat of the guy. The principal of the school called me and I apologized that I my family has not consented. But he told me that the purpose of his call was to offer me the job of a vice-principal at their school considering my qualification. I was surprised. I wondered why Allah should give me that which I never wanted.

    Then, the first Sunday of July came. I went to attend my first Arabic class. MashaAllah women of our city have established a great network with sisters and working a lot to make women learn Arabic. It was an interactive online class with a sister teaching us from Al-Khobar. MashaAllah for the first time I was seeing such a good use of SKYPE. I thanked Allah for sending me here. After the class was over I asked one of the senior sisters of that group if there can be a simultaneous online class because I am thinking of working at a residential school (I had not told about my intent of working to my family). She asked me whether the school was by a Muslim management. No, it isn’t. She said, “For the greatest ibadaah of Hajj Allah has commanded a woman the company of a Mahram. Even a woman who keeps treasures and has the capacity of performing multiple Hajj and Umrahs cannot perform it unless there is a Mahram with her. So my advice is to better decline the offer.” I thought this was again a test from Allah whether I will choose the Arabic classes or a job. So, this morning I called the principal of the school and expressed my inability to work. But again he told me that there is vacancy of Maths teacher also, and my sister who is not getting married is M.Sc in Mathematics. Ugh… Ugh… Ugh… I really don’t understand what is happening with me. Should I and my sister take the job?

    Please help me with all these things.

    As salam aliekum.

    • Walaykum as salam, sister Fatima,

      Nobody can take decisions for you or your sister, you can do Istikhara to look for Allah(swt) guidance, you know you have a link on top of the page to do it properly. About trying to contact the guy through his brother is not a good option, but it is up to you.

      All my Unconditional Respect,

      María
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Assalamu alaykum Sister Fatima,

      We have lot of people around and everyone seems to be an Imaam giving fatwaa of haraam and halaal too easily. Do not be fooled by their words.

      Allah has allowed women in Islam to be free and to cover themselves to be recognized as free, respectable women and so that they are not annoyed when abroad.

      59. O Prophet! Tell thy wives and thy daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks close round them (when they go abroad). That will be better, that so they may be recognized and not annoyed. Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful. - Surah Ahzaab.

      However, it is good to have a mahram due to safety reasons, but a mahram and the woman with him may both be harmed if by Allah's leave a robbery occurs or some theft etc. and hence there can be no 100% gurantee of safety, rather it increases the level of security and safety in general view because other men would refrain from approaching a woman who has another man accompanying her.

      What about women who have no mahram to travel with? Can they not perform Hajj or Umrah?

      Sister Fatima, use your brains, fear Allah and choose the good and leave the bad. This is what Insha Allah you will come to know from the Book of Allah. And this is what is called a wise policy. Following what Allah says to us through the Messenger by the Qur'an which the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) was given to be recited to mankind.

      Salaam,
      Your brother.

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