Islamic marriage advice and family advice

What does Islam say about breaking someone’s heart knowingly?

broken heart %photo

Islam, and Breaking Someone's Heart

Salaam to all!

I'm a Muslim and a Lecturer of a University. i love someone deeply - and my love haven't changed even when he was well off to till date when his financial state is now dangerously falling apart ! In one word - i love him in his thick and thin. And M glad that my feelings r genuine.

We have unnamed relation for almost 2 yrs from now. He performed Hajj and calls himself a God-fearing man. Personality wise we r at times very different and right from start he avoided commitment - but he is the 1 who gradually persuaded me to become intimate and after a year I had lost my virginity to him. I know its a sin but i did it with love and till date he is a husband for me in my heart and body. I love him so much that at last i cud not resist and gave in all i had !

I thought with time i will win him and our differences will minimize ! But since the start of this relation - he would come up with varying fictitious allegations - and would multiply 10 times with the actual incidents. At times he would say sorry but then again would start the row !

Often i feel - is he recreating and exaggerating stuff so that he doesn't have to give me commitments ? He slept with many women in past - but i never bothered about it ! Y does he make my trivial issues make look so humongous ? sometimes there isn't even any issue but he would recreate ! All these hurt me so immensely that m losing weight and becoming sick!

I simply can't believe that the man to whom i gave my everything can treat me so nastily - this is not how i saw my life as!
Now a days he is acting weird and staying aloof - saying that he is repenting for what he did with me besides his business is falling apart - and asking me to settle down with someone and he is gonna start seeing someone too because we would never end up in marrying !

M trying my best to move on but m finding it so difficult to concentrate in another guy - Guys do take interest in me but i can b friend at best but can't take things further. Simply cant ! i feel terrible inside ! i always wanted to make love with One Man! M so broken inside ! i was always confident of my love and dedication - Now m so shaken !

I know he never gave me any commitment but our acts we all that of husband and wife. My Q is y does he have to drag a person to this level if he never saw a wife in her ? Doesn't he know that this girl will not be able to resist at one point as she loves him beyond measure ? Y screw her ? He is gonna perform Omrah hajj - but will this clean his slate ? esp when someone is devastated inside ?

According to my age and social pressure - i MUST get married but I SIMPLY CANT say '' Yes'' ! m so screwed inside.

I was just wondering that what does Islam say about someone who breaks someone's heart knowingly ?
Is there any punishment that Allah gives to this person,if the person whose heart is broken is in constant agony ?

What do you people think?Please share your thoughts and views with reference to Hadith or verses of Allah.

~ anazu


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32 Responses »

  1. Salaams sister

    Firstly i want to say i am sorry for your pain i am not here to lecture you or judge you.But ave committed sins, may allah forgive you.

    My best friend was in the same position as you and i completely understand your pain. Same thing happen to her and all i will say to you is he used you for your virginity and the fact is it was an easy option for him with no commitment. Us women think differently, it is only matter of time someone does give in because you do believe that person that they will marry you, then the true colors come out and the games start playing. In the end you know it was never going to happen it was all lies to trap you for one thing.

    My strong advise to you is leave him, forget him, i know it is hard but you will meet someone else who is worthy of you and will trust you for being you. God fearing person would have never done this to you no matter what came crashing down. I honestly feel for you, turn to allah for clearer direction and never lose hope in knowing you came back to allah repent and never go back to the sin,change you emails, and phone number. Don't trust any guys they are all the same, have respect for yourself and move on.

    • Also you dont need to get married asap, give yourself time and recover then you known when the right time is for you to marry. Never disclose or tell anyone about your past, you made a mistake repent to allah and that's all you need you do. May allah make it easy for you inshallah

    • Salam dear sister samina . Im sorry to say u that u r not right . all is not same . I want to share my story with u little . before 6 months I married one girl and I love her like u cant imagine . u can say I was slave for her love . for example I treat her like my princes . for example , i always used to feed her with my own hand and apply loation on her feet , comb and oil her hair even when she had pain on her leg middle of the night i massage her all the noght . tell me who will do like this . this is nothing , i did more than this.... my love was pure . but she commited so many things to me but she didnt keep anything . she left me but didnt divorce me . i always pray for her . everyday i cry to allah . i cant eat even i cant sleep. my only worship is that she come back in my life . i love her madly . so sister , my wife cheated on my feelings this is why i cant tell all the girls r same . there is good and bad . when my wife was with me she used to say she did the best things to allah this is why allah gave her so nice husband . she always say thanks to allah for this . we never qurel for one second . but I dont know why she left me . So sister allah bless all of u .

      • @Abu Syed
        your reply is right not all men are the same but some men are and this is where like brothers like you get bad names because often women like me who listen to women who have gone through so much believe that men are users. But i know brother there are decent brothers out there but not many like you who treated your wife like a princess. I am so sorry for your pain, may allah make it easy for you and bring you sabr in your heart to forgive your wife and you to move on, because she dont deserve you if she has no respect for herself or her marriage. Sorry to say that but your wife dont deserve you, may allah make it clearer for you that you become stronger person out of this ameen.

        • Dear sister samina , Thanks for ur reply . Plz pray for me so that my wife come back to my like . I cant think anything except her . Sometimes I feel I suicide . I love her madly . Thanks again for ur kind reply . Allah bless u .

          • please dont think about suicide it is haraam and your wife might not come back to you face he facts brother she chose to leave you she is theslfish heartless one not you. I feel your pain ou have to become strong and move on. May allah always be with you ameen

    • Slaam frst if all i m sad to hear abt u i understand ur pain cz m girl myslf nd two months ago i had a break up wd a person to whom i worshipd indeed. Loved him madly and aftr 3 nd half year wen i came bk from Uk to pak to marry him he sent his family and he cldnt mk thm agree cz thy wet really greedy ppl my lover cldnt fight for me while he was wd me for 3 n half years finally he left me rathr he forced me to leave him and i did bech he didn leave any option to carry on wd the relation ship he bin really cruel in the end didn evn care abt me nvr evn askd hw i m n whr i m bcz he was keeping me as an option may b bt i was loving him deeply . Its hard my sister its really hard i cry alot bt i hv made a strong connection wd Allah nd seeking peace bcz nothing is gvng me peace still i miss him
      Cz i only loved him was mad abt him was ready to do anything for him believe me. Its taugh its hard sister but we have to move on nd evn now sometime i feel lost nd gone m 26 now n my mother wantd me to gt married bt i wana tk smtym to gt out of this shock. M nt ready for any relationship yet.he might b ok there laughing nd enjoying eating and sleeping bt i weep almost daily in my prayers nd smtym in my bed smtym evn walking nd smtym evn eating my tears falling dwn really cz my heart is jus too injured cz of him. He planned all wd me married life evn kids evn evrything n i thought him only bt in the end he lft me wdout any fault may b bcz my family is going thru bad tyms nd he n his family was unable to gt enuf dowry and other matrerialistic benefits.i cried aftr him a lot really bt i got the reality. Its hurting nd pinching to miss him n tym i spent wd him cz tht was fake bcz he proved himself coward greedy n weak in the end. Fear sister i hv strong belief Allah is alive He is a best judge nd He is nvr gna waste my tears i shed aftr him. He will pay inshallah he will i believe. Try to gt close to Allah do tobaa as mch as u can cry before Allah nd ask for His help cz He loves wen we cry n beg frm Him. He will heal yr heart m mch better yeah smtym its hard though. I hv no contacts wd him nw nvr text him or phone him cz i will nvr now.inshallah Allah will do best for me n m waitng for His decesion for me now.may Allag gv u peace nd heal ye heart ameen

  2. can somebody answer anazus question about if that person will be punished for doing everything to her knowingly and will he suffer because she is in constant agony? i dont realy know if that person would be punished or why he did such a thing knowingly so i really want to know...

    • We can not decide who Allah Punishes and who He doesn't.

      Allah Is The Lord and the decision is totally His. All we can do is ask Allah for Forgiveness.
      Whether He Forgives or not is His Decision. But we can hope that He Does, because He Forgives every sin on Tawbah, if He Wills so.

      Muhammad Waseem
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Assalam alekum Wa rahmatullahi Barkatohu

        I am waiting for when my post is published and its about more than 20 days.
        Iam regularly check 4 to 5 times but it remain ready and pending

        i dont know how to explian and sort out my problem, want some suggestion from our brother and sisiter. and regularly pray for not commiting any kind of shirk and kufr. may allah guide us in proper path and give success in this world and hereafter.

        Allah hafiz

  3. Salaam

    Sorry but yout bother were wrong. There should be not any relationship but marriage.You can not just act as husband and wife if you are not thats sinning.I think you guys are getting punished stop the sinning

  4. Salaam sister,

    My situation is very much like yours-it has taken me a very long time to see my husbands true colours. He has hurt me very deeply, I really don't know what to do or how to react to his abhorant behaviour. So in this trying time I have decided to leave everything to Allah SWT, for he is the best Judge.

    I also need an answer to your question, does someone who creates such immense pain for no real reason get their punishment????

    In your situation though, it will take time to get over this but maybe it's a blessing from Allah SWT as you guys were not married and you have sinned. Turn to Allah and sincerely repent, cut all contact with him forever. Insha Allah you will be rewarded for your patience and you will find peace and happiness the halaal way

  5. Salam sisters,

    I really empathise with you guys as my husband is also treating me badly. Join the club! . We should join a union wives in agony! Lol! I dont know the exact hadith or verse but i am sure i have hearf that if someone hurts you they will not be forgiven untill you forgive them. At the end of ramadhan we always ask everyone we know for their forgiveness incase we have knowingly or unknowingly hurt them. As our repentence eill not be exepted otherwise. How can someone lie and use and abuse someone and not be punished for it. If not in this world they will be punished in the hearafter. Allah knows best.

  6. Salaam sister,

    First of all you should be sincerely repenting for having sex outside of marraige, zinaa. Its a BIG sin in islam and so seek Allahs forgiveness and do not commit this haraam act again. If you truly repent and come to the straight path then Allah will guide you and you will have peace in your heart. Sister Stop all contacts with this man. He is certaintly not god fearing otherwise he would not have had this unlawful haraam relationship with you and have sex.

    Sister you are not married to him and you cant say in your hearts you both see each other as husband and wife. This is totaly wrong. You have to have proper nikah islamic marraige for you both to be halal to eachother!!

    Best advice is get married soon as possible to save youreself from doing anymore haraam acts and relationships. Your heart will heal in time but you must turn to Allah swt and gain islamic knowledge to be a better muslim.

  7. Salaams,

    Allah disposes all of our affairs. He weighs all of our deeds -good and bad- and determines what we each deserve in this life and the next. We may not ever know what our outcome or the outcomes of someone else's choices may be, and that's why sincere taqwa is so important. The issue here is not really about what is going to happen to this man, or what Allah is going to do with him. The issue here is what are YOU going to do.

    Sister, after reading this whole post I see a lot about what he has done, and how it's affected you. You talk about him being a "God-fearing man", but yet his actions are not supportive of this description. A truly God-fearing man does not carry on a haraam relationship, and he does not seduce that girl to have sex with him. A God-fearing man would have avoided interactions with you at all costs until he spoke to your parents about marriage, and made you his wife. Period.

    What I don't see in your post is anything about what you are doing to try to come closer to Allah after all this has happened. Instead, you are talking about how you have rued what has happened and hope that he will be dealt justly. In other words, your focus now is still strictly on him, when it should be strictly on Allah and finding His comfort after this unfortunate situation.

    You have to realize at a point that you have a part in what took place. Even though he is unquestionably wrong for pursuing you, you made your own choices with him as well. At this point, you can't change what brought you here, but you can change where it takes you going forward. You have to get this man out of your head, and you have to start unraveling the ties that your feelings for him have bound you in. Your love and dedication will only find true satisfaction in being given to Allah and the man who He brings to you as a husband. No one else should ever be given this honor, so you must stop replaying the memories and hopes you have attached to him.

    Be assured that Allah will deal with this man with perfect justice as He sees fit, but don't lose sight of the fact that He will also do the same with you. If I were in your position I would take the time to reflect on what your responsibilities were and what you failed in, and identify ways to improve your reactions to such men in the future.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  8. but sometimes your heart realy wants people who've hurt u so bad to be punished .i dont know i guess it gives u satisfaction ...so is it rong to want punishment for the person who hurt u so much ? and is it true that until u dont forgive that person from ur true heart Allah also doesnt forgive them ? if possible can anybody give evidence from hadis or Quran about this.

  9. Dear sister,

    I am not here to judge u, in fact i have gone throught a situation similar to urs. i was engaged to a guy eho had performed his hajj and u knw after seducing me he left me without any qyualms, even though i did nothing wrong n today he is happily married while i am still single.

    But i know n realise that i was completely wrong when i let the guy seduce me, i have gone against the boundaries set by Allah and his Messenger n so i was badly punish in this world it self and i don't know what punishment are waiting for me in the hereafter. i now cry everyday n repent sincerely after every salaat, but i don't knw if Allah will accpet my repentence as people say that some sins are unforgivable. Everyday i repent n ask Allah to give me someone who is gud for my life n this world n in the hereafter, it been three years now that i am praying and repenting, but at time i feel desperate as am not getting any gud proposalorr meeting someone who will be gud for me.

    i don't know y Allah is not listening to my prayers, he knows whats in the heart of every human being n he know my repentence is sincere. But i hope that one day he will listen to them.

    sister you also shud repent to Allah, he is a great forgiver and in many places in the quran it is mentioned that those who have committed sin shud not be deperate of Allah's mercy. so please ask for allah's forgiveness.

    But please don't focus on whether this guy will be punish or not, thats not for u to decide, leave everything in Allah's hand and turn towards him in this very difficult moment of ur life and as far as this guy is concerned i can say that he is somebody very cheap n a cheater not worth wasting ur time n tear for him, he have ur u, am sorry to say n now that he has had a nice time enjoying he has dumped u, same thing happen to me, that y i can emphatise wiz u n knw how hard it is.

    all u can do is now ask Allah forgivenss with sincerity n hope for his pity n mercy.

  10. My personal experience says that at some point of time, you have to come to a compromising table and make that really nasty, heart-wrenching decision in life. I came across a woman who was 19 years older than me over internet. Initially I was not taking her seriously and were doing just general gossips on politics and religion. Then slowly we came to know each other and I found that she was so much like me. I have been through extreme depression all my life due to many physical and psychological factors and she was somebody that could dive into my heart and hit the nail in the right place. She was like nobody else. She could understand where I would pain and she came forth the best of medicine for me. She would care for me like my mother and would really understand my feelings as much as I could understand hers because she has also been through a lot of depression. Once she expressed her love for me and I was like over a cloud coz I have always avoided such situations. Imagine falling in love first time at the age of 27 and she was 46 and she was never married. After my mother, I havent loved another person in my life as much as I loved her. But she was a Christian and I am a Muslim. When she asked for marriage, I could not say yes coz my culture would not absorb her and everybody would humiliate my parents throughout. I dont care about what people say about me but I cared about my parents. She was willing to be a Muslim but still she was a Westerner and an elderly woman. She kept asking for marriage for 2 years. After 2 years, we had to depart because we realized our dreams cannot be materialized due this sick conservative society. So we severed with enormous pain. Its been many months now but the pain is still lingering inside and my parents are looking to marry me. I dont want to marry but I know i ll have to kneel down for the sake of my parents reputation in the society.... So i will be confronted by another tough decision.

  11. Dear bother, before it take this much long, and at the realy stage I'm sure u knew that ur parents or society may not accept, due to mentioned issue u have raised.you could convince the woman to not have hopes and u knew she would have break.and more difcutl for her compair to u coz u broke this relation not her.unfortunitly many men are dose so and then have strong excuse of their parents and society after quiet long time.I do pray to Allah that the Muslim brother stop doing as they may exprience of their family members but they dont realiz that Allah show for them.

    • Salam Aleikun
      I also have a case that is somehow related to this,I have been a muslim from birth but some of us atimes are just muslims and from muslim families,we don't really do and act according to the Sunnah or by forbidding what's wrong and enjoining what's right.I had a girl who we were friends for about 6months but by then the feelings was already growing and by about 9months or so,we started dating,she was a christian and I was aware but I wasn't dating for marriage then I just felt I needed to have a girlfriend,someone to share feelings with,some to love and all that,those were my thoughts,so after over 1 and a half years my conciousness to Islam came and I needed to let go of a lot of things I was involved in such as bad life style,bad friends,dirty things for money and all sorts,inshort I reverted to Islam again with the aim of being a better person and in Islam,if u want to do something for Allah,u have to do it completely not leaving anything left undone(May Allah swt forgive us for our short comings).So leaving things included putting an end to the relationship which Islamically is wrong.She felt hurt and bad but I always made her understand my reason for it,so over time she had to let go and accept,but she says she let go just because my reason is due to my Religion,I actually didn't want to make her feel bad but I needed to fear Allah who is the Creator of us all,so now Alhamdulilah what seems impossible is very much possible.By Allah's whill,Things haven't been as difficult or hard as I thought it would be for me when I was taking the life changing decisions but we had a chat some days ago and she talked about what people she talked with said about the guy not been real from the start and that if the guy was real,he wouldn't just end the relationship as fast as that,though she understands my reason to an extent she can but no one can understand my revert to Islam,Only Allah swt knows best.So just to make things easy for her,I have allowed us to be friends, and for her to know I have nothing to hide and am not a bad person who just wanted to hurt her with my actions.She wants to see me and all that but I want to avoid going because since this issue has started I haven't even set my eyes on her and I don't know what could happen if I did due to feelings or anything.I try to avoid any unnecessary communication with her and when she chats with me or calls me I try to be nice and cool,memories come atimes but I try to forget them.Now the question I have is that,is it permissible for me to still be friends with someone I once dated in a wrong way?I have spoke with some people,someone said as far as I can relate with her without the feelings,another person said I should only relate with her "Only when Necessary"
      Pls I would like to know what Islam says about such a things

      • Walaikum salam brother Muhammad,
        Masha Allah it's great that you have given up all your bad habits for the sake of Allah (swt) and know that Allah (swt) will reward you immensely for this sacrifice in this world and hereafter iA. However, brief answer to your question regarding being friends with opposite gender is NO. There is no concept of friendship between male and female in Islam and know that punishment is severe for this too. All these phone calls, e-mails, facebook are tricks of shaytan who loves for people to commit sins. So, respectfully tell her that why you can't be friends with her; you have nothing to lose Alhamdullilah because you have moved on by the grace of Almighty. Only possible option for you too left is if she looks into Islam (after you invite her to; not saying that preach her), and then if she accepts the message sincerely (not just to marry you) then marry her:). If you need more detailed answer than please log-in and write your question as separate post and it will be answered on it's turn iA.

        Muhammad1982,
        Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

  12. Dear Sister Samina,

    It is turely sad and deficult for you to accept what happend to you, but belive to Allah and leave to Allah, and Allah watching him and he show to him in this world....the pain that you recived I'm sure he will recieve multiple from his future wife or what ever. and you just pray to Allah to give u patient and peace in your hearth....100 time the the (Humat of Mohmmad S) dose the mistake but again the door of Tawba is open on them. So better forget about the past and just do not lose hopes beacuse of we have GOd and belive on him that he will support us definatly...Allah give you sabr and for all of us in any deficult conditions.

  13. Salams Sister,

    I am sorry to hear of the emotional pain you are in at this time. I too have been through much and although difficult (it felt impossible at the time) I was able to move on with the support of family, friends, a cat that adores me :) and most importantly with the power of dua's. Recently, again I see myself in a painful situation. I never expected this to happen and for someone I respected and trusted so much to intentionally hurt me. It is unbearable but I keep reminding myself that Allah helped me overcome my pain last time, and He will this time as well. Allah does not give pain that which a person cannot take. We all have that inner strength which will help us. From what I know, when we are being judged, it will be based on intention and action. If someone intentionally wrongs you and does not ask forgiveness from you, He will not be forgiven by Allah Almighty. ( Forgiving is our duty - if we don't have a forgiving heart, Allah won't forgive us for our own share of sins too). May Allah give you the strength to move on and to find the happiness you deserve. Don't forget the power of dua. Check out Sister Yasmin Mogahead's halaqa's on you tube. Inspiring and insightful.

  14. And, about Zina - please repent and promise Allah you would never commit such an act again. It is a major sin and you need Allah's forgiveness for that. You need to stop thinking of this man and focus on how you are going to strengthen your Iman. Make dua that Allah forgives the act committed out of weakness, and that Allah sends a good husband to love and cherish you. Allah is most merciful. Allah knows what we are going through, how pure or sincere our hearts are, but He wants us to come to him, to ask him for what we want. Tahajjud prayers, dhikr, sadakah, all of these will beneft you. All you got to do is let go and make room for good things to come into your life.

  15. Give it time ...it will take alot of time for you hearts to healll...

    We all make silly mistakes..sme time more cosyly n painful ful fr sme of us but we cn learn frm these bad experiences...

    our life is short the most important things in our lives. in the eEnd is our islam..

    n our creator truly deserve the most of our love...
    Al wadud ....the most loving n more loving....

    Our gud deeds will lastt... n we always r made to realkse hw right islam was n hw wrng we were...

    lets make tawba hate sinfullnsss n wrk towards overcoming our weaknesses.

    Subhanallah for health n life.

  16. Assalamu'alaikum wr wb,

    Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

    For you:

    (قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم ( والذي نفسي بيده لو لم تذنبوا لذهب الله بكم ، ولجاء بقوم يذنبون فيستغفرون الله فيغفر لهم

    Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “I swear by Him in whose hand is my soul, if you were a people who did not commit sin, Allah would take you away and replace you with a people who would sin and then seek Allah’s forgiveness so He could forgive them.” [Sahīh Muslim (2687)]

    For him:

    "Whoever comes [on the Day of Judgement] with a good deed will have better than it; and whoever comes with an evil deed - then those who did evil deeds will not be recompensed except [as much as] what they used to do" (Qs. Al-Qasas 28:84)

  17. May Allah help us all....

  18. ...

    [Editor's note: Please submit your question as a new post for publication rather than as a comment on an existing post. That way it can be published and answered in turn, inshaAllah.]

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