Brother and Sister relationship in Islam – is it incest?
Asalamu'aliakum, I'm a 20 year old sister currently in my final year at university. I recently became a lot closer to my deen Alhamdulillah and recently began Hijab. I knew that Allah tests those who he loves and i faced many difficult situations over the past few months, but Alhamdulillah I've kept my faith in Allah and I pulled through.
As I was facing certain problems, many friends tried to help me and especially this one brother who has been on my course for 3 years yet we have never really spoken much before, but he was facing very similar situations, and the reality of our issues brought us closer together. Please do not get me wrong, we did not engage in any haraam we would talk mostly about deen and studies over MSN.
He helped me a lot to stay affirm on my deen and keep my faith in Allah to pull through my problems, we established at the start of our friendship that we are nothing more than brother and sister, but as time passed and we overcame our problems and i got to know more about him i felt like everything I desire in a spouse he has. I felt in my heart that I did not want these feelings to become haraam so I prayed Istikhara on whether he is the right choice for marriage several times and felt good feelings every time.
I've also consulted my parents about him and they know I speak to him sometimes. Recently we spoke more in depth about marriage and our friendship got raised and he basically said that because we built a barrier of brother and sister at the beginning that he cannot cross this barrier because it would be like incest. We debated about it because I said that yes we did establish a brother and sister relationship but I argued that I meant it in terms of deen not family-wise and he argued the opposite, because I do not believe in talking to a brother and being so close I personally feel it is haraam because I do no believe there is such a thing as brother and sister between two people who do not share blood. He agreed with me here but he said that it's against his principles to say something and then go against his word.
He basically said that we'll leave it to Allah and if we are right for each other we will be together in the future, so we have stopped talking as I thought this was the answer to my Istikhara. But I have heard from other people that he has been asking other people their opinion on brother n sister relationships and he has said that he his very stubborn in his thinking, and deep down in my heart I don't feel my Istikhara has been answered.
I would just like to know what islam would say about such a situation. We haven't done anything at all I basically put forward the idea of marriage because i felt that he is a brother in terms of deen and family that he was suitable for me, my deen and my family I told him that I love him for the sake of Allah and that if he is wrong for me Allah will remove him from me and Insha'Allah I will be content with the outcome. But the whole incest thing has left me a little confused, please could someone help me understand whether he is right in what he is saying or not. But Allah knows best.
Jazakallah khair for your time.
26 Responses »
Leave a Response