How can I convince my Buddhist girlfriend to be Muslim?
I am seeking advice on how I can guide my non-Muslim girlfriend to Islam. Her background is Buddhist, but she doesn’t believe at all about Buddhism. She still believes in God's existence, but “who is the God?” or “why she needs to pray?” is not a matter for her. Especially when her past young life which was full with difficulties, poverty and discrimination, built-up her personality to work hard and only believe in herself, until she gain success in her life now.
The problem is that we are going to get marry, but I am not sure whether she can give her heart to Islam. She said she can become Muslim for me, but she has resistance in praying, fasting, etc. Maybe because of her past experience, she feels such praying, fasting etc. is taking her away from the freedom that she have been working for so hard and long.
Even though so, I tried to let her know about Islam, (although ashamedly I am not a good Muslim), but she only has bad impressions on it (as of news). Even she denies her own mother who always prays in the temple, and does nothing to improve their family’s life. Nevertheless after all the denials, one day she told me that she starts to pray to Allah in her heart to help her every time she feels bad about something. Even when she try to cook live fish or shells, in her heart she felt sorry for killing them and ask Allah to forgive her, which makes me happy to hear that. But it only stops there.
And now we are going to get married, she feels a bit fuss of living as a Muslim. She said she does believe in God, willing to let our future kids to learn Islam, but she herself doesn’t want to do all the praying etc. I know it is God’s will to open someone’s heart to Islam. But I don’t want to give up as what I feel for her. I just hope one day that she is willing to live as a Muslim as I really love her so much. Please advise how I can guide her. She only hoping on me, love, and logic thinking...
- Brother XY
And Allah knows best. If any readers have additional advice for this questioner, I invite you to post your comments below. "Our Lord! bestow on us Mercy from Thyself, and dispose of our affair for us in the right way!" Best Regards, - Sister Z IslamicAnswers.com Marriage Advice1 Responses »
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Asalaamualaikum Brother XY,
Nikah between you and this lady would be void because a Muslim man is only permitted to marry a Muslim woman or a woman of 'the book', i.e. a Christian or Jewish lady. If you wish to lead your life in a strong Muslim manner, then marrying even a Christian or Jewish lady would bring difficulties along with it.
If you want your girlfriend to warm towards Islam, she needs to be shown Islam in a positive light. You say she doesnt believe in Bhuddism anymore and believes in Allah as the One God, this is positive as she's half way there already. You say that she denies her mother, but does she know that as a Muslim, you cannot deny or reject your mother even if she is a non-believer? You must treat your mother with love and respect and even take her to the temple for her worship if she wants to go.
All your girlfriend needs now is to see the beauty that Islam can bring in to our lives. It starts with you showing her the true Islam - not a confused one. However it seems from your words that you are not practising yourself and are willing to go against Allah by marrying this girl although she is not permitted to you.
Brother, when our love for Allah's creation takes us outside of His(swt) laws, we are committing an indirect form of Shirk. I know you are caught up in an emotionally difficult situation, but if you really believe that Allah and His words are true, then it would better for you to re-focus Allah as your priority.
Try to change your mind frame to think that you will only marry this girl if she becomes a true Muslimah.
- Try to come towards Islam yourself, do lots of tawbah. This will be good for you and may also influence your girlfriend positively.
- Tell your girlfriend what you are thinking so she knows how seriously you feel about your deen and that you will only marry her if she is a true Muslim.
- This may push her towards looking into Islam. It may be initially for you, but as she comes to learn about Islam, her intentions may re-focus towards learning and converting for Allah.
- Put her in touch with some kind practising Muslim sisters so she can see Islam for what it really is.
Brother, in order to strengthen your connection with Allah and to see Him as your priority, you need to invest some sincere time and effort. And for you to see if your girlfriend sincerely comes turns towards Islam, you need to give her time and space.
If she does not accept Islam sincerely, it is still your choice whether you decide to marry her or not. If you do marry her, and you come closer to your deen, will you be happy with your wife being a non-believer and how will she raise your children? A mother is vital in providing a good Islamic upbringing to her children; so if she is not practising Islam herself, what kind of impact will this have on your family life?
I can only advise you strongly to leave her if she does not accept Islam sincerely. Marrying her in her current state of belief will be a sin for you and you will be displeasing Allah greatly. I know it will be very difficult, but leaving her would be a sacrifice for you and Allah will surely reward you.
We are all Allah's servants and agents on earth. We are here to worship Him(swt) and then to spread the 'true' message of Islam. After that, its is completely up to Allah to guide whomsoever He wishes. If your girlfriend is sincerely seeking the truth, Allah will guide her inshaAllah.
May Allah guide us all to the straight way and keep us there.