Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband sells alcohol, what should I do?

alcohol 300x225 %photo

I just want to start by saying that my husband is doing a business which involves selling alcohol, and he has been doing it for around 15 years. When we got married I knew that he had a job but didn't know it also included selling alcohol.

After our marriage, he said that he'll look for other options, instead he got his own business which was a covenience store, also involved selling alcohol. I tried to convince him to stop selling it, but he only said he'll try.

Sometimes he became angry and said I am being unthankful. He became verbally abusive and since our marriage and after two kids, we don't have any communication left, that is 10 years ago. He has changed so much that we don't have feelings for each other, we don't have any intimacy left. He also is surrounded by bad company, who drink and are involved in the same business. He also is not a religious person, only he pays Zakat and Sadaqa.

My question is since I am a sinful person too I have sincerely repented but I know that our income is not Halal, so what should I do?

I am a patient of arthritis too, but I am really fearful of Allah and the hereafter, and also what I am knowingly giving my children!  I am giving them all possible knowledge of Islamic teachings but they always have these questions, "Why doesnt Dad have to pray?"

Please tell me what should I do because death can come anytime and what answers will I have to these questions!

- Simi


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15 Responses »

  1. Salaam sister, your living on haraam money, shaytans money and your husbands hands are black with serving the shaytan for so long, his bad attitude and carelessness will come back to haunt him, but while he is at fault, my reply is distored by your own admission that you too are sinful, im guessing its something big that you mention it in your post, so are your children suffering from religiously neglecting parents ?.

    Your teaching your kids, about Allah and his blessing and so on, then you feed them shaytans food and water, do you see where the line is broken, it is almost hypocritical to ask your kids to pray and not do it yourself,( 'yourself' refers to both you and your husband in any single or joint reference) , for it is innate that kids follow their parents, so you cannot teach your kids to be the samaritans of the land and you yourselves be the looters of the poor.
    i hate to be cold, but you should tell your children that their father is a sinner and is carrying out haraam activitiy with full well knowledge, maybe the shame of hearing it from the kids may ignite a positive step in terms of alcohol free business, as for your marriage, well until he stops his haraam activities you should keep your distance, hes digging you a bigger grave, serve your purpose as a wife and do nothing intimate unless asked for, we shouldnt reward the devils handyman.

    Hope this helps, apologise if it came across harsh, but these are my honest views on the subject.

    • A parent should never turn the children against the other parent, or make them despise the other parent. Never. Children must respect their parents, even if their parents are sinners. The sister should tell her children something like, "What your father is doing in selling alcohol is wrong. His intentions are good because he wants to provide for his family, but the way he is doing it is wrong. We must keep on loving him, and pray for him, and remind him gently until he turns to the right path."

      Sister Simi, this is a serious situation. In a famous hadith, the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him & give him peace) mentioned a man who, having journeyed far, is dishevelled and dusty and who spreads out his hands to the sky (saying): O Lord! O Lord! - While his food is Haram, his drink is Haram, his clothing is Haram, and his nourishment is Haram, so how can his dua be answered! (Sahih Muslim)

      The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said to the Companion Sa'ad:

      "O Sa'ad! Purify your food, your supplication will be accepted. By the one in whose hand lays the life of Muhammad, verily a servant places a morsel of Haram in his stomach (and as a result) forty days of worship will not be accepted from him." (Recorded by Imam Tabrani)

      You might consider taking the kids and separating from your husband until he changes his ways. Maybe the pain of losing his family will cause him to change. But do not speak badly of him to the children.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • "But do not speak badly of him to the children."

        Bro, It is the unanimous concensus of all of the scholars, both those who make takfîk of the one who doesnt pray, and the small party who don't, that he is to be outcasted in the muslim community, he does not have a right to his family, children, and if his boss is muslim, he must fire him for not praying [if he was born in muslim family], his children are to be incited against him.

        Ka'b Ibn Mâlik [May Allâh be pleased with him] and his two other companions who remained behind from tabuk was outcasted for 50 days+, his wife and children and all his relatives were told to abandone him for remaining behind from battle, so how about the one who does not pray?
        If it was just him selling or drinking alcohol [privately] or any other major sin [privately] short of shirk/kufr, then i agree his children should not know, they should just be kept away from him, but he is to be exposed in every manner in this case.

        • Failure to perform prayers is only an act of kufr if the person does it as a deliberate denial, in other words if he says, "I do not believe that prayer is required or necessary and I will not pray." But if it's just because he's lazy, and he prays only sometimes, but he acknowledges that it is required and he should do better, then it is a sin but not an act of kufr.

          I've noticed that you are always very quick to say, "So-and-so is a kafir, cast him out." We need to be very, very careful with that. We cannot see people's hearts. The Messenger of Allah (s) said that if someone calls a person a kafir and it is not true, the name returns to the one who cast it. We must be cautious. Declaring people to be kafir based on the commission of sins was a trademark of the khawarij who caused immense destruction and loss of life in the Ummah in the past.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • "I've noticed that you are always very quick to say, "So-and-so is a kafir, cast him out."

            Wallahi this not true, i dont know what you have been reading but in every single comment i made regarding the tark of salaah, i said that ta'yeen, specifying a particular 'Amr Bakr or Zayd who doesnt pray, and turniong around to him and making takreef of him is dangerous and not allowed.

            Why have you accused me of ta'yeen when i made it clear that it is not for anyone to make it?

            in fact, if you look at the comment you deleted, it ended with
            "whoever doesnt pray is a non muslim period, without specifying a particular person"

            It just goes to wonder, why you have deleted that comment?

            Regarding the all abandonment of Salaah out of laziness, 95% of all of the scholars of this ummah starting right from abu bakr siqqeed [ra] to the end of them, have said he is a non muslim.
            only around 5% have said he is a major sinner.

            THOSE WHO SAID THE LAZY ONE IS NOT A MUSLIM.
            The vast majority of the companions according to ibn mas'ud[ra]From the elder tabi'een,
            'Alqamah Ibn Qays,
            Sa'eed Ibn al-Mussayyab,
            Sa'eed Ibn jubayr,
            Naafi' Ibn 'umar al-Juhamee
            al-layth ibn S'ad al-Misri
            'Urwa Ibn Az-Zubayr Ibn al-'awwaam
            'Ataa Ibn Abee Rabaa'ah
            Sufyaan ath-Thawri
            'Abd Allah Ibn 'Amr al-Awzaa'ee
            'Abdullah ibn al-Mubaarak
            Muhammad Ibn seereen
            al-Qaasim Ibn Muhammad Ibn Abee Bakr as-siqqeed

            From the atbaa'utaabi'een, aka 3rd generation and those after them.
            Muhammad Ibn Idrees Ash-Shaafi'ee
            Ahmad Ibn Hanbal
            Muhammad Ibn Ismaa'eel al-Bukhaari
            Muhammad Ibn Yahya ath-Thuhalee
            Ishaaq Ibn Ibrahiim Ar-Rahawaih
            Abu Daawuud As-Sijistaani
            Abu Ayyuub As-Sakhtiyaanee
            Sulaymaan at-Taymee
            Fudayl Ibn 'Iyyaad
            Yahya Ibn katheer
            'Ali al-Madeeni
            'Abd al-Rahman Ibn Mahdi
            al-Maajishuun
            Abu 'Iesa at-Tirmithi
            Sa'eed at-Tameemi

            Abu Muhammad 'Ali al-Barbahaaree
            Abu Bakr Ibn Abi Dawud as-Sijistaani
            Ibn Taymiyyah
            Ibn 'Abd al-wahhab
            'Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa'di
            his brother Naasir

            Muhammad Ibn Saalih al 'Uthaymeen
            'Abd al-Azeez Ibn Baaz
            Muqbil
            Rabee'
            al-Fawzan
            al-Jaabiri
            al-faqeeh
            an-Najmi
            Ibn Jibreen

            and many more i dont know of.

            The scholars from the Salaf who said he is a muslim who abandons salah out of laziness.

            Abu Haneefah
            Maalik ibn Anas
            at-Tawwusi
            'Abdullah ibn hasan ibn 'ali ibn abee taalib
            Ibn hurmuz [ not very sure]

            From the khalaf

            Ibn al-Qayyim
            adh-dhahabi
            an-Nawawi
            Ibn hajar [ im not sure on this one]
            Ibn Rajab

            Muhammad Naasir al-Albaani

            and more im not acquaited with.

            All of these scholars say no one can make takfeer of a person who doesnt pray by specifying him.

          • By the way, what you neglected to mention is that these rulings only apply to one who abandons the prayer utterly, not one who is lax in his prayers. Furthermore, the one who abandons the prayer out of laziness while is committing an act of kufr, but the majority of scholars have called it "minor kufr", meaning it does not throw him out of Islam.

            See for example Imam Al-Albaani's position on the one who abandons prayer (it's a PDF document, scroll down to page 9):

            http://www.salafipublications.com/sps/downloads/pdf/MSC060006.pdf

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Wallaahi, im not being biased in anyway.
            I just am satisfied with what the majority of the scholars said.

            and i did not ask the sister to do anything i would not have done myself.
            al hubbu fillah, wal bughdu fillah.

            Wallahi, if my own father who i love was to abandone the salah [god forbid], we would advice him for 2/3 days, if he still would not pray, i myself would physically take him and his belongings and car and throw them all out of the house together.
            And infact i would put him under the saudi islamic courts union, where the one who is reported not to pray is put under a trail and if he refuses to pray, faces execution.
            Because in sa'uudiyyah, islam is the law and the law is islam.
            It all goes back to the concept of Al-Hubbu Fillah, Wal Bughdu Fillah.

            Is this from the ways of Khaarijiah in your view also?

          • Extremist views are not welcome on this website. We are here to advise people with compassion and to suggest to them a way forward out of their problems Insha'Allah.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • @ Abu Az-Zubayr

            perhaps brother wael is censoring his words so the sister can maybe accept them easier, i think in the modern world what happens is islam is viewed through a window, whereas in traditional ways it was upfront, and this sister seems from that modern world, and sometimes when given direct or advice seen as 'too harsh' by some it is hard to accept, because of the society they live in and because of this window that has come in place, my views are strong but i have learnt in many cases to write while considering the modern culture and situation many people are in, to avoid conflict and help the people, so while your not wrong in many of your views (and much of your replies i fully back), that many may be seen as too harsh or direct for the modern community, my point being no-one is wrong, but everyone posts from their views, and they are correct in many cases, but this modern and world and this window that has formed means that advice must be censored in order to be accepted almost, i hope that makes sense brother, and i hope you continue to post on this site, may Allah reward you for your goodwill insha'Allah.

      • I see its a little heated here, on my point, im not saying make the kids despise or turn against their father, but just tell them hes wrong, its wont create resentment but rather curiosity in their hearts, and so they will ask the father, 'dad, why do you do this', and if he has any shame he will realise the impact on the kids and the shame of being asked by his own kids to justify his behaviour and will change insha'Allah.

  2. hi it is haram to sell alcohol. Tell him that it is haram and show him where it is said in the quran. But if he still sells alcohol after that try convincing him more not to sell it, then ask allah to make your husband understand. NEVER GIVE UP!!!

    ,Salam

  3. Respected Brother Wael,

    I wanted to say for now I don't have any other place to go and I am a patient myself and my son also has mild cerebral palsy and he has problems in his legs and feet, for which he is getting treatment, until my kids grow a lille more and be independant , I can only make DUA, which I'm fearful is not getting accepted,

    I cant work because of my condition and my kid's health, but believe me I am always crying in front of ALLAH to save me and my family and every believer from the Hellfire.

    I'm really depresed by all the comments that I feel like my end would not be good !

    but anyways JAZAKALLAH!

    May ALLAH BLESS YOU all!

    • Sister simi, I understand. You are in a difficult position. Allah also knows your heart and your condition. He will not judge you unfairly. Trust in Allah's mercy and His plan for you. If you have to remain in this situation now for your children's sake then do so. In the meantime keep on making dua' to Allah to change your husband's heart, and to show you a way forward. Allah is Merciful.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • To note:

        ‘...But whoever is compelled by hunger, in inclining willfully to sin, then surely Allah is Forgiving Merciful,’
        (Surah al-Mā’ida 5:3)

        Since you are not even inclining willfully, this bolsters Sister Simi's case in light of this ayat. Surely Allah (swt) is Most Forgiving.

  4. @ Professor X

    Shukran for quoting the Ayah!

    @ Brother Wael! JazakALLAH for your help and advise, May ALLAH accept my Duas , And help me get out of this situation, please pray for me ,

    JazakALLAH

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