Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Can a Muslim woman marry a non-Muslim man if she controls the family?

controlling woman %photo

A marriage should not be a dictatorship by either party. The Islamic marriage is a partnership in which each member has a role to play.

QUESTION:

Dear Wael,

Alsalam, I'd like to start by thanking you for your time and consideration for my question. My question is as following - i truly much hope you can guide me and answer my concerns:

Part 1: Is it allowed in Islam for a Muslim woman to marry a Christian man? If the non-Muslim man acknowledges the Prophet Mohammed (asws) as the final prophet and Islam as the last completing religion, and prophet Issa (asws) is Allah's messenger and not his son, is that enough without the need to convert to Islam? If the Muslim woman has the sole control of raising and directing the family?

Part 2: If the non-Muslim man converts, how would he deal with his non-Muslim family, parents and relatives? What if he has kids from a former marriage who are Christians as well - how would he deal with them? how would these kids fit with his Muslim kids?

Please advise - jazak Allah (swt) khairan.

- Diljah from Canada

WAEL'S ANSWER:

Dear Diljah, Wa alaykum as salamu wa rahmatullah,

1. It is not allowed for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man. Period. That is Allah's decree, not mine.

2. In what family does the woman have the sole control and direction of the family? That is not realistic.

3. If the man converts to Islam, he would deal with his non-Muslim family the same as always, as his family. They are still his family and his loved ones. His relationship with them should not change and in fact he should become even closer with them, since Islam values the family ties very highly. If his non-Muslim children live with them, they can continue to do so. If they are older and they choose not to accept Islam, that is their right, and does not have to affect the Muslim children in the family or their practice of Islam.

4. And as I mentioned in my comments below, if the woman does indeed have sole control and direction over the family, then that is not a healthy, functional family. A marriage is a cooperative in which the husband and wife both have unique functions, and work together at the same time. No single partner should have total control over the family.

5. In fact,. a family in which the man has sole control and direction of the family is also unhealthy. The whole point of the marriage is that it is a partnership. Each partner has a unique role to play. The woman is not just a machine for cleaning and making babies. She has an intellect, a spirit and a heart. Those qualities were given to her by Allah, who intended her to use them.

In Islam each partner has a role to play. In a way you could say that the man is the head, while the woman is the heart. Each is necessary for the family's survival. But the head must consult the heart, and the heart must consult the head. They work together.

And Allah knows best.

If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, feel free to post your comments below.

"(O Allah), Guide us to the straight path; The path of those whom you have favored; Not those with whom you are angry; Nor those who go astray."

Best regards,

Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Editor
IslamicAnswers.com. Islamic Marriage and Family Advice
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139 Responses »

  1. "In what family does the woman have the sole control and direction of the family? That is not realistic."

    I will answer your question. In the family that this muslima is leading and seeking advice for.

    Allah also allows "unrealistic" circumstances to exist, and invites his followers to overcome them.

    Rejecting her own reality (one with a dominant female guardian), with the justification that in the past you have not encountered these kind of families, is not going to help her very well. You need to accept her premise first before giving advice, unless you are willing to believe that she is lying. In this case, your advice will not be accepted by her in any event.

    If you did accept her premise first, you would first realise that when the scriptures do not allow a muslim woman to marry a non-muslim, it is because in normal circumstances this would be detrimental to either the education of the children or the stability of the marriage. But there are also circumstances that are not normal!

    By the simple act of seeking advice from you, this muslima has already proven her allegiance to allah and her intelligence to make wise decisions more than the majority of muslim woman that are married to muslims will ever exhibit.

    Once the consensus interpretation on the reasons behind the texts do not apply to a specific case, in my opinion it is a muslims duty to apply his own interpretation according to the situation he is confronted with.

    She already described that there appear to be few differences in opinion on Allah's messenger, Islam and the prophet Issa between herself and her possible husband. But she also hinted that it will be difficult for the man to convert, so if he does, it will likely be for the wrong reasons.
    Even if marriage is then permissible, how did it improve the security of the marriage or the education of the children, if he is not a strong believer?

    Allah indeed knows best, and he is guiding a truely believing muslim in all his decisions.

    Just as you, Wael, I am no scholar but believe having more than one perspective is helpful when discussing difficult problems. I hope I was able to add value to the discussion.

    • Assalamualaikum.

      Mo is right, Wael. You were quite guilty of 'closing off your mind from new information and experiences', simply because you haven't encountered this particular one before.You could at the very least have asked Diljah to elaborate on what she meant before passing judgement. You may well be able to prove it is unrealistic, but it is the questioner who needs to understand, not you.

      In addition, (I add this because there was such a lack of humility in your response when you had been advised and because you are in a position of relative power) you are in no position to decide what is and what is not someone else's reality or to belittle their perpective on things and it is better to keep silent than to argue in your own defense when you have taken little trouble to ponder whether the advice you were given had any basis.

      I hope at least Diljah will accept what you were curteous enough to respond to and I hope you'll take on board what Mo has said, in an effort not to push away a whole array of people who are hoping to learn about the Islamic rulings on their own very particular cases. It will be a test of your intentions if you are able.

      Wasalam.

      • Wa alaykum as-salam Khadijah. Thank you for your comment. However, I don't believe I belittled anyone. I stated my viewpoint, and you may notice that several people agreed with me. I just re-read the entire discussion and I stand by my earlier comments. And Allah knows best.

        • If you have sincerely considered your viewpoint then by all means stick to it if you think it is correct and how the Prophet saw. would have responded. I only argue that your disregard as 'unrealistic' of (one of, not all of) Diljah's concerns was insensitive by normal standards, let alone the much higher standards Islam teaches us. I hope you will realise at some point what was so repellent about your stance.

          Thank you for listening.

          Wasalaam.

    • Assalam alaikum...
      I was married, had a son, became Muslim alhamdiallah while being divorced for ten years, then remarried my son's father, who was Christian. I was definately the dominant one, however I may have disliked it and wished my husband would have taken the lead. He refused.

      I am so far from a perfect Muslim I don't know where to begin. Insha'Allah I will die as a Muslimah though, much more on my deen. Here's the dilemma, which I never thought would be possible, as I am so young...

      Yesterday my husband died. So what do I do with his body? As a Muslim, the first question asked is why did you marry a Christain. Well, because I had his baby and my love never died. Of course I would love for him to become Muslim, now it is too late. I have guilt to live with now. If I would've given more dawah, if I would've been more kind, more patient, the list goes on an on. Everyone looking in, especially from his family sees how I was a good wife. Not I.

      As a Muslim, if I go to the mosque, I'm not in a recognized marriage. I walked down the aisle of a church. In the church, they want to know why they should help me with the funeral and why the mosque won't.

      The final thing is... We have to learn to embrace and love each other and leave the judging up to Allah (swt). I am not a bad Muslim. My children aren't confused, and we all pray together. He may have been lonely though, just another guilt trip to deal with. We must remember death is always at hand and what will we answer to Allah if we die right at that moment.
      Masalama

      • Mariam, I am sorry for your loss. May Allah ease your heart and comfort you and your children.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Assalam alaikum...
            I am a Muslim woman. I am currently having a turning 4-years secret relationship to a non-Muslim. We respect each other's religion and belief instead of thinking of the future's problem because we believe what's important is our own obligations each day and not seeing the future broadly or else it will compromise our relationship. What we care is the love that we have, understanding and compatibility.
            I am 22 years old now and my family is forcing me to marry somebody they chose me to marry who is also a Muslim, but because I love my non-Muslim man, I refused to grant their wish. I felt guilty because I do love them but I cannot compromise myself marrying a man I do not love. What should I do? Any advice please.

          • Wits, As-salamu alaykum,

            1. Your current relationship is sinful and prohibited Islamically, and you should end it.
            2. There is no forced marriage in Islam. So your family cannot force you to marry anyone against your will.

            If you need further advice, please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Dear Mariam,

        I feel for you. May Allah heal your heart and replace your loss with something that will bring you closer to Him(swt), Aameen.

        SisterZ
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Sorry Mo, I don't agree. I don't need to accept her premise before replying, because I don't believe that her premise reflects reality, including her own reality. Nor do I think she is lying. She did not actually state that she controls the family. She is asking a "What if" And the thing about "what ifs" is that often people are grasping at straws, seeking some loophole that will allow them to follow their own desires rather than what Allah has legislated.

    When Allah legislates, He does so for all humanity. One does not say, for example, "It's difficult for me to get married right now, so in my case it's okay to have pre-marital sex." You don't get to create your own exceptions to the laws that Allah has set for us. Flexibility lies not in violating the Shari'ah, but within the Shari'ah itself. Our task is to recognize that Islam itself, as written, has a lot of flexibility built in, and then to find a way to realize our dreams without stepping outside the boundaries.

    There is another issue. The sister asks, "If the Muslim woman has the sole control of raising and directing the family?" Well, if that is indeed the case then that is not a healthy, functional family. A marriage is a cooperative in which the husband and wife both have unique functions, and work together at the same time. No single partner should have total control over the family.

    You (Mo) suggested that Allah allows "unrealistic circumstances" and that we should "overcome" them. Yes, absolutely, but we overcome them through Allah's guidance, by returning to the principles that He has given us in the Quran, and the teachings of the Messenger (pbuh). If we try to overcome our challenges by departing from what Allah has given us, then we are not practicing Islam, which is submission to Allah's will, and we will inevitably create other more serious problems in the process.

    • Wael, I agree with you 100% and your responses are very accurate and precise. I couldn't do a better job in responding. I noticed people are jumping the gun and not being careful with what they read. They read between the lines and your read the line with every letter pronounced. Great job and keep it up.

    • i Agree 100% that some people maybe myself but it doesnt mean im going down that path....some times try to find loopholes to follow what our desires want. And i also think a woman should never ask a man to convert or him because its not with good intentions. but he can be open to the religion and if Allah wants them to be then he will give her a true believer or maybe someone who is just like her . Just remember we all belong to Allah.

  3. I will never agree with you Wael. If you say that the family in which one partner has sole control of directing the family, is not a healthy and functional family, why are you so ready to accept man as the sole controller of the family. In this case, practically all muslim families where the man dominates decisions in the house qualify to be labelled as unhealthy and non functional according to rules of Islam. I come from a Muslim family where decisions have always been dominated by the lady of the house because the man was not decisive enough to make difficult decisions. I as a child still have the same values, humility and faith that a muslim is expected to have. So will you call me a non believer? Certainly not!

  4. Hello Shireen, As-salamu alaykum. You should never say never. Because then you are closing off your mind from new information and experiences.

    First of all, no one is calling anyone a non-believer. This is not a matter of belief or unbelief. We are just talking about what dynamic is appropriate and healthy in a family. We are all still Muslims Alhamdulillah.

    Actually, you may be surprised but the answer is yes, I would say that a family in which the man has sole control and direction of the family is unhealthy. As I said before, the whole point of the marriage is that it is a partnership. Each partner has a unique role to play. The woman is not just a machine for cleaning and making babies. She has an intellect, a spirit and a heart. Those qualities were given to her by Allah, who intended her to use them.

    In Islam each partner has a role to play. In a way you could say that the man is the head, while the woman is the heart. Each is necessary for the family's survival. But the head must consult the heart, and the heart must consult the head. They work together.

    Of course there will always be families that don't follow this formula exactly. But this is the ideal.

    • Yes, it is unhealthy! If one partner is in sole control, it feels unnatural. There must be balance. I always wished my late husband would have stepped up to the plate and ran his home. We had severe arguments about his indifference. Perhaps that was Allah giving me control in order to maintain my deen and the deen of my children.

  5. Go to an Imam and ask a Muslim scholar, don't come on this site to get an ultimate answer. But Muslim women are not allowed to marry non-muslim men fullstop.
    But talk to an Imam, and don't try to run away from Islamic facts when they come to you, because you'll probably have to pay for it later by running away from them!
    What goes up must come down - A description of justice.

  6. Asalam Wa'alaykum. I'm a Muslim girl wanting to marry a man who converted to Islam. Not for me but because he accepts the faith and truly believes in Allah (swt) and prophet Muhammad (pbuh). I pray, fast, and love being muslim. Insh'Allah when I have the funds I would like to go to Hajj and give Zakkat. However, my family objects to me marrying him because they don't think he's Muslim because he wasn't born Muslim. At first they said ok, but when people frowned upon it they started saying no giving the reason stated above. We plan on raising kids muslim. My parents are objecting;however, I believe that their objection is unislamic. For the fact that he is a practicing Muslim. The males in my family including my father spit in my face and many arguments have araised from this. What is your opinion in this matter?

    • Sister AB, you should log in and write this as a post, rather than commenting on a different question.

    • Asalamu Alaykum. Sister AB, it sounds like you have a head on your shoulders, Alhamdu Lillah. A Muslim is a Muslim no matter when, where, or how it occurred. Sometimes we as Muslims do many unislamic things in the name of culture (3adat wa takalead), which in a way makes us not true followers. If we choose to do for the name of ways and not Sharia, then what makes us better then this Muslim convert. I believe that Allah (swt) and his prophet (pbuh) did not restrict what kind of Muslim should marry which kind or if a convert is only good for a convert. If we look back at the time of the prophet (pbuh) all his companions were converts and so were his wife's, maybe you should bring these points up to your family. The most important things you should be concerned with are, is he really a true believer who practices or just another non-Muslim who converted to work with loopholes to marry someone they love or whatever. If that is the case then there is issues. We only fool ourselves and no one can fool Allah. You would know the answers to all this within you and if you love this person and feel he is true to Islam and its ways, then try to research and get Fatwa in this matter to help you in convincing your family or even to educate them. I agree with you and your family's actions are not correct or Islamic according to what you disclosed. I know a non-Muslim who converted and is getting married to a Muslima from Saudi Arabia, who would ever think this would happen, but this is Islamic and Sharia allows this to happen. As a matter of fact, her family flew here to the US and meet with this brother. Don't feel bad, many times Muslims don't agree about a good Muslim who practices to the T just because he is from a different Muslim country or even from a different town within the same country. We need to educate ourselves and our elders in the true ways of Islam and Sharia. I ask Allah to enlighten us all with His Knowledge.

    • salaam aleikum ab. if i may be allowed to give my take on your situation, id say youre in a bit of a predicament. and i certainly hope wael wouldnt mind.
      once a man or a woman reverts ,he or she is muslim. period. and that means he can seek a muslimahs hand in marriage.

      but if my information about islam and its application of rules on marital issues is correct, the absence of consent of the parents may make the marriage null. but on the other hand, it is the bride upon whom lies the ultimate decision to marry whoever she wishes to marry ( provided he is muslim)

      islam is balance. if you consent on marrying that brother, i see no problem with it islamically.
      however, it is important to have the congruece of all your consents regarding the matter. islam isnt simply about justifying an end through one means, but all available means.

      may ALLAH make things easy for you and may HE make you successful.

  7. Salam alaikum Brother Wael,

    It seems some people have gotten overly emotional and forgot the questions were hypothetical.

    I dont see anything wrong with your responses and I really appreciate a Muslim brother that believes a marriage is a partnership not a one-sided dictatorship led by either the husband OR wife. If only it could be written or shown somewhere...oh yeah its in the Quran!

    2:228 "... ; but, in accordance with justice, the rights of the wives [with regard to their husbands] are equal to the [husbands'] rights with regard to them, although men have precedence over them [in this respect]. [216] And God is almighty, wise.

    and "in this respect" the note 216 refers to in the case of divorce:

    Note 216 (Quran Ref: 2:228 )
    A divorced wife has the right to refuse a resumption of marital relations even if the husband expresses, before the expiry of the waiting-period, his willingness to have the provisional divorce rescinded; but since it is the husband who is responsible for the maintenance of the family, the first option to rescind a provisional divorce rests with him(Quran Ref: 2:228 )

    No one is forced to be with anyone that is unfair or treats them unkindly. Down with the dictatorships!!!!!!

  8. salam every one i waana know that if a muslima decides to marry a non muslim what is the marriage called? its invalid ? or its the same as that of illegal sexual relations?........

    and would it be subjected to punishments of any kind? please answer me if i am living in a islamic land as well as non islamic

    • tehreem, you are asking for fatwa or islamic legal ruling, and this is not the right place for that. this is just an advice website. we are not scholars and we don't give legal rulings.

  9. Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim

    Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah

    Tehreem, a marriage of a Muslim woman to a non-Muslim is invalid from the beginning; it is considered the same as fornication.

    As far as punishments from government authorities, this would differ from country to country. Of course, in a country such as Saudi Arabia, they are very strict about the relations between men and women and if found out, the parties would be subject to the hadd punishment, which would involve physical punishment such as whipping, and probably jail time or more. In a country that does not rule according to Islam at all, you may be "free" to do as you wish. None of this changes the fact that this is a haraam act in the sight of Allah. Allah is Most Merciful, but He also is just, and He may choose to punish the parties in this world and / or the next if they do not repent from their actions.

    My advice for any woman who is approaching this type of situation is to step back, cut all relations with the non-Muslim man, repent from any forbidden action, and take time to learn about Islam so that she will understand the gravity of such a mistake. This life is short and is a test for the afterlife; the decisions that we make now will follow us all the way to the Day of Judgment. Giving up someone you "love" for the sake of Allah will garner you a great reward with Allah, and He will bless you by forgiving your sin and helping you to stay on the Straight Path.

    Fi Aman Allah,

    Noorah

  10. jazakAllah guys for the answer...especial thank o noorah :) this is alll i wanted to know.!

  11. Ok- here may be the most important part- what about the whole Muslim thing? And this may be the deal maker/breaker right here. I am NOT willing to convert to Islam. Give me a minute and I will explain in more detail. I am willing to make just about every sacrifice for you that you want me to make with the exception of sacrificing my soul, my values, my beliefs. I've done it once before, it's the worst thing a person can do to themselves. All you have is your soul, your values- if you sacrifice these you lose yourself. I am an honest person above all, I care deeply and genuinely for people and do the right things in this life. I remember looking Ilham's parents in the eye and telling them that I am Muslim in my heart, pretending to pray, pretending to have a real connection with Islam. It was wrong, it ate at my soul, and in the end probably only hurt them more. I will not do the same to your parents. I am who I am- I am no more Catholic than I am Muslim or Jewish. I have my values, my principles, my dignity and my honor. I accept all people and their faiths and never judge. I expect the same of others. If you accept me like this, accept the fact that I respect you, your religion but am not going to pretend that I feel the same about it, well than Annie we can take this relationship to the next level. I have no problem respecting your requests such as not drinking alcohol, eating pork, etc. These are merely changes in lifestyle that I would be happy to do for you. And I would respect your choice to practice Islam, to follow your beliefs as long as it makes you happy.

    But maybe I am the dreamer here- like you said in your last email. Maybe I am crazy to believe that we could have a relationship like that- where I am non-denominational and you are a devout Muslim. Maybe we are both dreamers. But I don't think so. And the reason is this. In the end, when we all die, none of this matters anyway. All that matters is what we do here while we are living. And as long as God, Allah, Jesus or whomever is looking over us gives me the opportunity to live this life, I'm going to do everything that makes me happy. Remember, I don't follow rules that I don't agree with. Lucky for you otherwise I wouldn't be able to date a Muslim girl

  12. i do not know what to do...
    i m lost in my own thinking
    i want to be selfish and live in the present and be with him because he makes me happy... but i think about afterlife i think about hell heaven allah and my family...
    i know if i force him he will convert to islam maybe not for the right reasons.. but at least that way my marriage will be valid but the i know who excatly am i kidding Allah knwos everything.. he knwos whats in our heart...
    why cant this be simple ..
    converting to islam... even if she converst my family will never accpet him...
    its i can not live with him nor i can not live without him...

    • Jamila, I'm trying to understand your comments. My impression is that the first comment was made by your boyfriend/fiance, and the second one by you. Is that right?

      Since you are not the original questioner, I suggest you log in and submit your question as a draft, rather than try to add a new question in the comments. I'll give you some time to do that, then I'll delete your comments.

  13. i agree with Sara. Where is in the AL-Quran stating that non-muslim has to convert to Islam in order to marry a muslim?In which Surah and ayat? i thought all religions has to be fair when it comes to love and marriage. there are no force in it and surely you can't force people to become a muslim without their own will. We have to respects other religion as well. You can't simply say that we as muslims women are forbidden to fall in love with non-muslim men just because we're not sure they will convert or not.
    please help to answer my question above. thanks.

    • At missy confused lady,

      To answer a couple of your above questions,

      "Where is in the AL-Quran stating that non-muslim has to convert to Islam in order to marry a muslim"

      Your right Nowhere in the quran does it say a non-muslim has to convert to islam in oder to marry a muslim, as we dont convert to islam 'in order' to marry someone, we convert for the love of Allah & his beloved prophet (p.b.u.h),

      "i thought all religions has to be fair when it comes to love and marriage"

      I cant quote on any other religion, buh i assure you in islam you do have to be 'fair' in Love & Marriage,
      If your Married and are in love with your husband/wife that is,

      "there are no force in it and surely you can't force people to become a muslim without their own will"

      Islam certainly disagree's with forced marriages, and yes thats islam's point exactly, why force someone to become a muslim without their will ? whats the point of that ??

      "You can't simply say that we as muslims women are forbidden to fall in love with non-muslim men just because we're not sure they will convert or not"

      To answer your first comment, we Can simply say muslim women are forbidden to fall in love with a non-muslim man, as thats what our religion teaches us, as in islam it's forbidden to fall in love out of wedlock full stop, so for him to be your husband, he obviously has to become a muslim, so the question "You can't simply say that we as muslim women are forbidden to fall in love with non-muslim men" shouldnt even really arise, because it's haram anyway.

      "just because we're not sure they will convert or not"

      A true muslim wont even let herself fall in love with a non-muslim, so she wont need to worry about 'not being sure if he's gonna convert or not'

      To be honest all your answer's are already answered in your 'questions' all you have to do is actually understand them.

      I dont say this Islam does, everyone is entitled to a opinion, however if your a true muslim and have faith in Allah (swt) then you dont really need to ask questions, like youv asked above.

      x

      • To answer your first comment, we Can simply say muslim women are forbidden to fall in love with a non-muslim man, as thats what our religion teaches us, as in islam it's forbidden to fall in love out of wedlock full stop, so for him to be your husband, he obviously has to become a muslim, so the question "You can't simply say that we as muslim women are forbidden to fall in love with non-muslim men" shouldnt even really arise, because it's haram anyway.

        Ok, how can you say its forbidden to fall in love out of wedlock. Since when do people marry someone then fall in love after? Falling in love is the beginning not the end.
        And no, no one can simply say you can and can't do something. Only Allah can.

        • Also, you can't help who you fall in love with.

        • H, it might be a bit extreme to say, "It's forbidden to fall in love out of wedlock," but in general it is correct. Islam does not allow close or intimate contact between unmarried men and women. If a Muslim is behaving himself and following Islamic teachings, then the opportunity to "fall in love" is not there. If you're talking about "love at first sight," it is false. It's just a psycho-sexual attraction, a chemical trigger. It's not real love and a Muslim should not pursue it or act upon it.

          Real love is not instant. It takes time to build. It's the result of the mutual self-respect, cooperation and compassion, and intimacy that happens in marriage. In Islam we marry someone because we feel we are compatible, and yes there should be some physical attraction. But the real love develops after marriage.

          As far as your other comment, that "you can't help who you fall in love with", yes you can. You may feel physical attraction toward a non-Muslim but you make the choice whether to pursue that or not. You make the choice to violate Islamic teachings by spending time with that person, getting close to them, and thereby "fall in love".

          Or you make the choice to respect Allah's guidance, and stay away from that person so that those deeper feelings do not develop.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • @ confused lady and Sarah

      Surat al baqarah it clearly states you CANNOT marry a non muslim man.

      "Do not marry unbelieving women until they believe: a slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman. Even though she allure you. Nor marry (your girls) to Unbelievers until they believe: a slave man who believes is better than an Unbeliever even though he allure you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of Bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: that they may receive admonition"

      Better translation:

      "And do not marry the idolatresses till they believe (worship Allah Alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) idolatress, even though she pleases you. And give not (your daughters) in marriage to the polytheists till they believe (in Allah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) idolater, even though he pleases you. Those (polytheists) invite you to the Fire, but Allah invites (you) to Paradise and Forgiveness by His Leave, and makes His Signs clear to humankind that they may remember." (2:221)

      It has dawned on me that a site like this ought to have proper islamic counseling or the editors should refer to fatwas because its islamic answers, is it not?
      In anycase many come here to ask and to be advised and many may assume that any of the answers here is the correct one that suits their needs , much like a buffet and this is very dangerous.

      • Assalam O Alaikum sister "I submit to Allah",
        Jazak Allah for you time sister. One thing I wanted to make clear is that we don't actually give out fatwas as this is common sense advice forum where brothers and sisters are advised in the light of Quran, Sunnah of our beloved Prophet (PBUH) and Hadith. However, we sometimes do provide fatwas from other scholars depending upon the situation at hand. Another point is that we don't tell people to stick with what we say, instead we provide them with the best options available in that particular situation so that, they can decide for themselves. It has nothing to do with; "whether it suits their needs or not". We don't go against the teachings of Quran and the Sunnah and Hadith of Holy Prophet (PBUH) to make it "suitable for them" and also we don't stress/force someone to follow our advice as we understand that we are humans and we could be wrong as well. In many cases where we think that we don't have much knowledge or the issue in hand is more related to Fiqh; we advise the questioner to seek the advice of a knowledged person in Fiqh i-e; complicated divorce cases.
        I hope it helped you to understand Insha Allah.

        Wasalam,
        Your brother in Islam,
        Muhammad1982.

        Editor, IslamicAnswers.com

  14. Salaam dearest sister,

    In response to question number 1 - A Muslim woman is not allowed to marry a Muslim man under any circumstances, including the circumstance of her position in the family and the circumstance of the non-Muslim male being understanding and accepting of the faith.

    In response to question number 2 - this all depends on each individual and how they personally deal with differences of faith amongst themselves and the world around them at large. There are some people who just cannot manage difference and some people who are very good at it - being a Muslim does not mean being a completely different person, your brother is your brother still, our mother your mother still and your child remains your child. How you manage the differences of faith within these relationships is up to the individual. My recommendation in this instance is to communicate with all whom are close to you with love and peace, live by example and treat people how you expect to be treated yourself and inshAllah this should prevent many of the problems that may arise.

    Peace,
    L

  15. Open:

    I agree with you 101%. " God is very forgiving and merciful and I think that God would rather have all his children get along than to argue over the little things and follow every letter of the book. " This is about love and unity. I'm a non-Muslim male and I plan to marry a Muslim woman. I plan to have as many children as possible and work things out and live happily ever after.. But most Muslim people here are bias. When it comes to love, there is no rules. Besides, I read the Quran, it doesnt prohibit the Muslim woman marrying a Non -Muslim man as long as the man provide support to the wife and the whole family.. We are all created by one God(Allah). I believe only in One God. My Muslim wife can keep her Islam faith and and my kids can practice Islam because it is the same God that I believes in. Peace to you all my Earth brothers and sisters.

  16. What does it mean to convert 100% to Islam. what would one have to do to be considered a Muslim if they where born to a christian family. and i would like to know if a born christian male converts to Islam in the proper way would he then be able to marry a Muslim women in the eyes of ALLAH( swt).... in regards to the above question... i think that's it's possible for the 2 to get along and raise their children Islam...but is it accepted in Islam to be valid. someone please answer my question..Thank you salam!

    • "Lia Yaya", what is required to convert to Islam is to say, with faith in your heart, "I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah." After that, there are acts of worship that a Muslim should perform, such as the daily prayers, fasting in Ramadan, paying Zakat to the poor, going to Hajj once in a lifetime, etc. These can be learned step by step, at your own pace.

      If a Christian man converts to Islam then yes, in the eyes of Allah, he can marry a Muslim woman.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  17. hey'
    This is a very sensitive topic and people who want to marry a non muslim, I find them very naive and faithless.
    It's okay to ask about something but then counter questioning and the questions that don't even make any sense. IT"S ClEAR THAT ISLAM PROHIBITS THIS KIND OF MARRIAGE = HARAM

    Even if they convert to Islam to marry you, I believe that it is still prohibited as Faith can't be forced on anyone.
    NOW after knowing this you still do what you wish to then you'r marriage wont be accepted in eyes of Allah and it'll be equal to zana but doing it every day.

    What does love do??? IT kill's the sixth sense, Also known as temporary insanity. People kill themself in love. Why?? because its insanity

    That's why stay away from that person, We might seem ignorant but trust me we are your best friends and you'll realise it later

    • @Talha Sheikh - "People kill themself in love. Why?? because its insanity"

      People also kill themselves due to their religious beliefs. That's also insanity. Extremist views such as those stated above are insanity. You should ask "What does religion do?" It kills independent thinking and free thought and will. It requires total mental submission.

      "people who want to marry a non muslim, I find them very naive and faithless"

      I am an ex-Muslim woman living in a Western country. I am going to marry an ex-Catholic man. I have decided that Islam is not for me, and when I see comments such as those above, my decision is 100% confirmed. I am not naive or faithless. I have faith in my own decisions. I won't let some book or a bunch of old men dictate to me what is right and what is wrong. They have no idea about me or my life.

      People that need a book or Iman to tell them what is right or wrong, in my opinion, have a weak moral compass. Here's an idea - how about we use common sense when answering such questions, instead of always referring to a book?

      • Dee,

        I think you are confused about Islam, and uneducated in Islamic teaching. Case in point: you don't know the difference between "iman" and "Imam". This is such a simple, basic thing that anyone who has even a minimum Islamic education would know. In fact, I have only met a handful of people in my life who left Islam, but in every case they were people who had never received any Islamic education, so their ideas of Islam were based on misinformation, anti-Islamic propaganda, and what they had seen of bad cultural practices that have nothing to do with Islam.

        People do not kill themselves due to religious beliefs. Islam specifically forbids suicide, in fact it is considered a major sin. See my article about suicide.

        You say that religion kills independent thinking and free thought. You could not be more wrong. The first words of the Quran that were revealed were, "Read, in the name of your Lord who created..." From the very beginning Allah tells us to educate ourselves. He tells us over and over in the Quran to observe the signs of nature around us, and to think. That's why during the golden age of Islam the Muslim world flourished with universities, mathematics, logic, astronomy, medicine... Scholars used to come from all over Europe to study at the Islamic universities of Andalusia. It was not until people stopped practicing true Islam that the Muslim world went into decline and fell to the hands of the colonialists.

        On the other hand, I have seen first hand what the "independent thinking and free will" of the West has wrought. In London I was shocked to see pornography being openly sold at streetside stands. In the USA it sometimes seems that half the people I meet have problems with alcohol, or domestic violence, or teen pregnancy. If that's independent thinking, you can keep it. On the other hand, among the Muslims I know in my town, the great majority have stable jobs and happy families.

        On a broader scale, here in the USA, the government lied to the people to justify the invasion of Iraq, telling them that the Iraqis had weapons of mass destruction. They claimed also (you can look it up) that Iraq had imported 500 tons of uranium from Africa to build nuclear bombs. They tried to fool the people into believing there was a connection between Iraq and 9-11. And like sheep, the people believed them, and supported the invasion, all based on lies and misinformation. That's independent thinking and free will?

        Economically, millions of Americans are losing their homes to foreclosure as a result of a system of loans and interest that spiraled out of control. Hmm, maybe the Quranic injunction against interest doesn't sound so bad now? In fact Islamic banking is the fastest-growing banking sector in the West.

        They say that a large percentage of the American public believes that President Obama is secretly Muslim, or that he is not an American citizen, or that he is a communist, or that he is plotting to destroy the country. There's your independent thinking again.

        I'm not anti-American or dismissive of American values. I am American. In fact I just watched a video by a female American pastor (a Christian) who gave an inspiring speech defending Islam, and defending the values of American tolerance. I deeply appreciate the rights enshrined in the constitution, such as freedom of speech and religion.

        But I do think that the Western version of "independent thinking" as you call it has led to the inexorable decay of morality. Families are falling apart, substance abuse is out of control, obesity is taking over... the system of non-religious free thinking has proved to be a failure. Freedom without moral principles adds up to self-destruction.

        The book that you deride, tell me, have you ever read it? The Quran is an amazing document, a message of responsibility, fairness and good conduct. It is a living miracle. Even if you don't believe that it is the word of Allah (as you clearly do not), one could still do much worse than basing a life on the message of the Quran.

        As for "old men" dictating to you, I have no idea what that's about. The president of the Islamic Society of North America (the largest Islamic group in North America) is a woman. There have been many great female Islamic scholars in history, and still are today.

        But as I said, I don't think you are educated in these matters. I think you are only repeating Islamophobic messages and propaganda.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • Wael,

          Thank you for your detailed reply.

          Firstly, I apologise for my spelling error. It was unintentional. However, you make assumptions about my level of knowledge of Islam based on a simple spelling error. I know the difference Iman and Imam. I am educated in the teachings of Islam. I attended Islamic lessons for a long period of time, read the Quran in full and spoke to many educated Muslims, before I finally made my decision to leave the religion. I did not make my decision lightly or frivolously.

          I did not just leave Islam, I left all religion. I do not believe that human beings need religion to instruct them in what is right or wrong. I believe that relying on any religion to tell you what is right and wrong is the easy way out. I don't believe anyone should live their lives according to a set of prescriptive rules.

          What you have done above is politicize religion. If you ask my friends, they will tell you that I am the first to criticise anyone that does not think for themselves, be they American, Asian, Muslim, Christian, whatever. By the way, all the "bad" things you mentioned about the West are rife in Muslim countries as well - pornography, alcoholism (look at the Saudi royal family), domestic violence, infidelity, pre-marital sex. It's just buried, hidden. No one speaks about it but many "Muslim" people commit sins while they pray, fast, read the Quran.

          I am against the hypocrisy which you speak about, including in the Western world. I am against someone, anyone, telling me what I should and shouldn't think, including who I should marry. Just because I am not of any religion and have left Islam, does not mean that I do not have values. I have stronger values, ethics and morals than many of the Muslims I know. But I was not brought up in a religious environment. My parents never taught me about religion. They simply taught me how to be a good person and good to my fellow human beings. I learnt about religion myself because I wanted to educate myself.

          "the system of non-religious free thinking has proved to be a failure"

          So tell me this, why is it that so many people, myself included, can live our lives morally, ethically, successfully, without the need to be dictated to by a dogmatic, authoritarian religion?

          • Dee,
            I have not read all posts just part of your initial post and this one.

            Respectfully I disagree with this statement, 'I do not believe that human beings need religion to instruct them in what is right or wrong.'

            My question is which law then should human beings follow? Have you ever spent your life in a in a place where there is no rule of law? Do you know what happens to people there?

            The reason you have chosen non-religious life style is because this alternate life style which is heavily dependent on the strong infrastructure and facilities provided by the makers of this lifestyle is apparently doing really 'good'. Once that infrastructure is not able to support its members then what should all the 'free thinkers' should do. Apparently what history tells us that no man made system can support its followers forever. Look at nation of Samud which is mentioned in Quran and for whom Prophet Saleh(A.S.) was sent and there are many examples of other nations in Quran.

            Also you mentioned that 'free thinkers' have been living their lives with 'morals', 'ethics' and 'success'. How do you think humans have defined these 'morals' or 'ethics'?

            I guess my reply is more of set of questions than answers... But hopefully can be a good exercise.

            regards

          • 1-The Saudi Royals do not represent Islam. Although it would be unfair to judge them all by the actions of a few. Again if you are comparing and contrasting Islam in the reflection of the few muslims you know then you're selling your self short.
            You should be reading seerat Rassoul Allah Mohammed and seeking the correct avenues to make up for what your parents failed to teach you.
            2-Pornography infiltrating muslim countries wasn't by accident, it was a western ploy to destroy morals and infect future generations minds, to avert they're eyes and reasoning from political movement. Divide and conquer.
            3- The fact that you refer to Islam as dogmatic and authoritarian goes to prove that not only have you not studied it. Im torn in belief if you're genuine and (genuinely lost) or if you're a fake and a bad actor at that..This "im an ex muslim" propaganda doesnt seem to hold water to me.

        • ASSALAM ALEIKUM
          JazakaLLAAHU khair Wael for your beautiful answer. may Allaah , reward you. i love the way you defend our beautiful religion. it helps me strenghten my Eman aswell. May Allaah have mercy on you.

  18. The concept of common sense is a long-standing term, based on human experience and people's individual perceptions. Thus, common sense is different from person to person – common sense is not common.

    That's why as Muslims we SHOULD not make decisions based on our whims or what we perceive as common sense. That's why we must go back to the Quran for how Allah sees best for us to do things because He created us and knows what's best for us. Allah knows our desires
    and weaknesses that's why He gave us the Quran to read and understand. So Allah tells the believing MEN and WOMEN not to marry those that are not believers. If you don't like it then don't follow it, if you want to please your Lord then you follow.

    2:221 (Asad) AND DO NOT Marry women who ascribe divinity to aught beside God ere they attain to [true] belief: for any believing bondwoman [of God] is certainly better than a woman who ascribes divinity to aught beside God, even though she please you greatly. And do not give your women in marriage to men who ascribe divinity to aught beside God ere they attain to [true] belief: for- any believing bondman [of God] is certainly better than a man who ascribes divinity to aught beside God, even though he please you greatly. [Such as] these invite unto the fire, whereas God invites unto paradise, and unto [the achievement of] forgiveness by His leave; and He makes clear His messages unto mankind, so that they might bear them in mind.

    • Awesome !

      Personally I didn't think Dee even deserved a reply At all,
      i was quite surprised and amazed at what she has wrote,
      Allah (Swt) ham sab ko hidayat day (Ameen)

      x

  19. Please remember that belief and logic are two different things.
    No-one knows anything for certain. So whether or not you think there is a God, you can have faith and choose to believe in Allah and Islam.

    I have just lost the love of my life because I realised this to late.

  20. It is very tough to say ' no ' someone you love. It is not logic but if we believe in Islam we godda follow the religion. Dont think 'maybe we can.. ' maybe yes....
    just accept it and stay away from non muslim men. halas ....:)

  21. Maybe you can listen to a point of view from another angle, because with respect all I have read is very one sided. I am about to marry a beautiful woman who is a Muslim and needless to say I am not. We have a very strong, equal and understanding relationship in which we respect each other’s religious beliefs. I sit with her on a regular basis and read from the Koran because she asks me to try and explain parts she finds difficult to understand. I am happy to do this because it helps me understand that which is very important to her. Out of respect for her, I fast with her during Ramadan and I always encourage her to be punctual with her prayers.

    We both feel that the time has passed for us to consider having children, so that issue which seems to play such a big part in what you say is not relevant in our case. Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t the law of Muslim woman not being permitted to marry none Muslim men actually introduced during the crusades, a time during which the Muslim race feared for its very survival?

    I respect everything my fiancé stands for and I support her in every way. Not only are we of different religions, we are also from different cultures, but there is no friction or conflict of interests between us. There is no dominant person and no persuasion or pressure of any kind for either of us to change what we believe.

    We might believe in a different way, but never the less we all believe in God, so how can you possibly say in his eye’s our relationship is wrong? We hold our beliefs and what we are doing has no effect or influence on anyone. My fiancé takes her religion very seriously but quite rightly believes that everyone should be free to live their own life.

    To generalise all relationships between Christian men and Muslim woman in the same way is nonsensical, just as it is to say that Islam will always prevail when a Muslim man marries a Christian woman. Those statistics are simply not accurate, and whichever way round, each relationship is an individual alliance all of which will differ in many ways.

    With respect

    CD

    • CD, I am not the one who decided that a Muslim woman cannot marry a non-Muslim. And it was not laid down in the time of the crusades. It is a law that was given by God in the Quran, and by the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). It's not up to us to change it. As Muslims we accept it. Though you may not feel it applies in your case, God does not legislate differently for every person. The law is the same for all.

      You say your fiance takes her religion very seriously, but the evidence shows otherwise. If she was serious about her religion, she would not be in a relationship with you.

      No one is going to force her to do one thing or another. No one will compel her not to marry a non-Muslim. But she will be committing a serious sin in Islam, her marriage will be considered invalid by Muslims, and she will answer to God on the Day of Judgment.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Hello CD,

      "Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t the law of Muslim woman not being permitted to marry none Muslim men actually introduced during the crusades, a time during which the Muslim race feared for its very survival?"

      No:

      “And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al Mushrikun (polytheists/atheists) till they believe (in Allah Alone)” (Al-Baqarah: 221)

      "They have two children, who were educated in both Islam and Christianity. They were given freedom to decide which religion if any they wanted to follow. As it turns out, one is a Muslim and the other a Christian. This takes me to my earlier point that it’s unrealistic to believe in a marriage between a Muslim Man and a Christian woman that Islam will always prevail. So will you now tell me that he is guilty of a sin because he didn’t force Islam upon his children?"

      That dual religious education must have been thoroughly confusing. I had a friend who was brought up both Hindu and Muslim and she's in a constant conundrum. Forcing Islam on a child/anyone is never a good idea, but confusing them in their early years isn't either.

      It is permissible for Muslim men to marry UNITARIAN Christians and Jews. Idol worshippers/those who associate partners with God (for example "Jesus is the son of God"), even if Christian, are not permissible to Muslim men or women, but you don't often hear that from men because it might restrict their life choices.

      Your relationship with your wife sounds lovely and it's nice that you're both so respectful of eachother. Your wife has nonetheless, disobeyed a divine ruling, whether knowingly or unknowingly. I pray He will forgive her and her goodness in the other spheres of life will redeem her.

  22. Yes my fiancé takes her religion very seriously, she is an incredibly kind, considerate and thoughtful person and I’m sure God will judge her favourably. She sees the Quran as it should be seen, a guide to steer Muslims on the right path and to inform them of the person they should be, the values they should hold and the life they should lead. It wasn’t handed down for you and so many people like you to use it as a tool to exert power and control over others.

    I have a friend who is a Muslim. He married a Christian woman and they have been married for many years and are both very happy. They have two children, who were educated in both Islam and Christianity. They were given freedom to decide which religion if any they wanted to follow. As it turns out, one is a Muslim and the other a Christian. This takes me to my earlier point that it’s unrealistic to believe in a marriage between a Muslim Man and a Christian woman that Islam will always prevail. So will you now tell me that he is guilty of a sin because he didn’t force Islam upon his children?

    • Hi C.D

      Your fiance as you said takes her religion 'very seriously'. I think if this is true then either she can take her religion seriously or she can take you seriously. At one point she has to decide between the two of you. Its not possible for her to choose both of them at the same time.

      If she says she is taking her religion seriously and still marries a person who is a non-muslim, then she is not taking her religion seriously. And if she really takes her religion seriously, then by islamic law she cannot marry a non-muslim. And if she claims she is a 'serious muslim' and still marries a non-muslim then you should ask her why she is being a hypocrite?(no disrespect intended) There is always a right path and a wrong path, there is nothing that is both right and wrong path.

      May Allah guide us all.

      regards

    • C.D

      These are the Minor Signs of the Day Of Judgement

      *The disappearance of knowledge and the appearance of ignorance (Bukhari, Muslim, Ibn Majah, & Ahmad)
      *Books/writing will be widespread and (religious) knowledge will be low (Ahmad)
      *Adultery and fornication will be prevalent (The Prophet, peace be upon him, said that this has never happened without new diseases befalling the people, which their ancestors had not known.) (Bukhari, Muslim, Ibn Majah, & Al-Haythami)
      *When fornication becomes widespread among your leaders (The Prophet, peace be upon him, said that this will happen when the people stop forbidding evil) (Ibn Majah)
      *Adultery and fornication will be performed in the open
      *The consumption of intoxicants will be widespread (Bukhari & Muslim)
      *Killing, killing, killing (Bukhari, Muslim, Ibn Majah, & Ahmad)
      *The nations of the earth will gather against the Muslims like hungry people going to sit down to a table full of food. This will occur when the Muslims are large in number, but "like the foam of the sea".
      *People will beat others with whips like the tails of oxen (Muslim) ?The Slave Trade
      *The children will be filled with rage (at-Tabarani, al-Hakim)
      *Children will be foul (at-Tabarani, al-Hakim)
      *Women will conspire (at-Tabarani, al-Hakim)
      *Rain will be acidic or burning (at-Tabarani, al-Hakim)
      *Children of fornication will become widespread or prevalent (at-Tabarani, al-Hakim)
      *When a trust becomes a means of making a profit (at-Tirmidhi, Al-Haythami)
      *Gains will be shared out only among the rich, with no benefit to the poor (at-Tirmidhi)
      *Paying zakat becomes a burden and miserliness becomes widespread; charity is given reluctantly (at-Tirmidhi & Al-Haythami)
      *Miserliness will be thrown into the hearts of people (Bukhari)
      *Episodes of sudden death will become widespread (Ahmad)
      *There will be people who will be brethren in public but enemies in secret (He was asked how that would come about and replied, "Because they will have ulterior motives in their mutual dealings and at the same time will fear one another.") (at-Tirmidhi)
      *When a man obeys his wife and disobeys his mother; and treats his friend kindly while shunning his father (at-Tirmidhi)
      *When voices are raised in the mosques (at-Tirmidhi)
      *People will walk in the marketplace with their thighs exposed
      *Great distances will be traversed in short spans of time
      *People will hop between the clouds and the earth
      *A tribulation will enter everyone�s home (Ahmad)
      *The leader of a people will be the worst of them (at-Tirmidhi)
      *Leaders of people will be oppressors (Al-Haythami)
      *People will treat a man with respect out of fear for some evil he might do (at-Tirmidhi)
      *Men will begin to wear silk (at-Tirmidhi)
      *Female singers and musical instruments will become popular (at-Tirmidhi)
      *When singers become common (Al-Haythami)
      *When the last ones of the Ummah begin to curse the first ones (at-Tirmidhi)
      *People will claim to follow the Qur'an but will reject hadith & sunnah (Abu Dawood)
      *People will believe in the stars (Al-Haythami)
      *People will reject al-Qadr (the Divine Decree of Destiny) (Al-Haythami)
      *Time will pass rapidly (Bukhari, Muslim, & Ahmad)
      *Good deeds will decrease (Bukhari)
      *Smog will appear over cities because of the evil that they are doing
      *People will be carrying on with their trade, but their will only be a few trustworthy persons
      *Wealth will increase so much so that if a man were given 10,000, he would not be content with it (Ahmad & Bukhari)
      *A man will pass by a grave and wish that he was in their place (Bukhari)
      *Earthquakes will increase (Bukhari & Muslim)
      *Women will be naked in spite of being dressed, these women will be led astray & will lead others astray (Muslim)
      *When people begin to compete with others in the construction of taller buildings (Bukhari)
      *There will be a special greeting for the people of distinction (Ahmad)
      *The Euphrates will disclose a treasure (The Prophet, peace be upon him, said that whoever is present should not take anything from it) (Bukhari & Muslim)
      *Two large groups, adhering to the same religious teaching will fight each other with large numbers of casualties (Bukhari & Muslim)
      *Years of deceit in which the truthful person will not be believed and the liar will be believed (Ahmad)
      *Bearing false witness will become widespread (Al-Haythami & Ahmad)
      *When men lie with men and women lie with women (Al-Haythami)
      *Arrogance will increase in the earth (at-Tabarani, al-Hakim)
      *Family ties will be cut (Ahmad)
      *There will be many women of child-bearing age who will no longer give birth.
      *There will be an abundance of food, much of which has no blessing in it..
      *Men will begin to look like women and women will begin to look like men

      Like Waldo, try to find yourself there.

  23. i didn't have time to read all 42 responses.

    I have swung in all different directions on this issue. I know that God is merciful. The world is hard on muslim women. Through no fault of my own, my parents chose to come to this country and have a family. They chose to raise me in a geographical area that has few muslims. I have been patient my entire life, and now as i approach 40 I wonder if there was a wisdom in waiting for a nice muslim man to fall from the sky like my parents always said one would. Its like living in a desert.

    So I'm not sure that the "rules" are so cut and dry. All I know is that God is merciful. And if I was in a position where I loved a decent, kind, loving non-muslim who was of the book, I would ask for God's mercy and marry him, and try to have a child so I could actualize my deep desire to be a mother and a wife, rather than wait until I"m in Paradise to meet my soulmate.

    Its quite interesting that it is the muslim men who are quite vociferous on this issue. Many, many muslim women who were raised in North America and who do not live in large urban centres like NY, LA, Chicago etc, feel differently. Many of them are starting to feel like I do and wonder as I do, particularly as they near the end of their childbearing years.

    • Salaam Precious Star,

      It is up to an individual to decide whether they will marry someone they have explicitly been forbidden to marry. You're right, Allaah is merciful and perhaps He will be forgiving on the matter, but when he has made a matter clear and an individual opts to disobey instead of exert unconditional patience, the question is whether the person is deserving of such mercy.

      I don't refute that it is painful to be approaching the end of the childbearing age and have to suffer for the decisions of our elders, but by accepting what has been decreed and abiding by what Allaah has given us as guidance despite these difficulties is true patience and obedience. This life and all it's joys are temporary, so one must very carefully reflect whether it is better to risk forfeiting happiness in the hereafter for momentary joy here.

      It doesn't matter one iota what people say or think, what matters is that Allaah has sent us guidance, His laws are the best of guidance and he only tests those he loves.

      • I remind myself of this everyday. Thank you for writing this down.

        Inna Allah maá alsabireen. Wa min taraka shayn lillah a'athahu Allah khayran minha

        Allah is with those whom are patient. Those whom give up something for Allah, Allah will reimburse them with what is better.

  24. I do take offence to you calling my fiancé a hypocrite; there is a long line of you people who should be looking at yourselves before you label others. I have read and researched a lot about this subject and what it all boils down to is interpretation. Over the years the true meaning has been distorted in interpretation and conveniently distorted in favour of the Muslim man. Of course you will say it should never happen, you are free to choose who you like. I wonder what would be your opinion if such restrictions were put upon you.

    God will see each person for who they are and the way they conducted themselves during their life. If Islam is right, then God will judge me for choosing the wrong path, but my fiancé I’m sure will be judged favourably because she is devout, she just doesn’t except this distorted law is accurate because there is no sense in it.

    As I said before, our relationship has no bearing, effect or influence on anyone else. It doesn’t put strain on any religious beliefs and there is no pressure by either party to change their way of thinking. You can come back at me quoting whatever reference you like, but the fact of the matter is the law you are so adamant about is distorted and bias.

    Precious Star, my advice to you is follow your heart. Regardless of what anyone tells you, you don’t have to sacrifice your religion, your morals or your self respect to live the life you so desperately want. Rest assured, God will judge you for who you are, not for breaking a distorted bias law.

    • Hi C.D.
      I never intended to label your fiancé or anybody as I have no place to label/judge anybody or any person, only Allah can judge.
      Use of word 'hypocrite' was completely due to lack of a better word. But what I intended was, she is acting in contradiction to her stated belief knowingly or unknowingly . And apart from many bad definitions Webster also defines 'hypocrite' to be
      'a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs'. She is stating her belief to be Islam, but knowingly or unknowingly she is acting which is not according to it. I hope I have made myself clear.

      As far as the distortion of meaning in 'favor of muslim man' is concerned, I can understand from where you are talking. But you might laugh at me when I say this, I think Islamic laws are much more in favor of muslim woman than in favor of muslim man. Let me give you few examples,

      1- For a muslim woman, in her childhood when she is a daughter she is responsibility of the father, and if the father dies she is the responsibility of her brother. And once she is married she is responsibility of her husband. And if God forbid her husband dies or she is divorced she again becomes the responsibility of her brother or her son if he is able to provide. And in her last stages of her life she is again the responsibility of her son. Let me further dissect the stages mentioned in this point.

      Childhood:
      2- Do you know what is it like for a muslim man when from his childhood, when he comes home his mother and father put good food/gifts/clothes in front of their daughter/daughters first and than in front of their son/sons just because its Sunnah of prophet Muhammad(s.a.w) to give gifts/presents to daughters first.

      Marriage:
      3- When a woman grows up and gets married she is the responsibility of husband. Which means, husband has no right on her money. So if both husband and wife are doing a job. Wife can save her money for whatever purpose she likes, but its the husband who has to spend all the money for the maintenance of the wife and also for the children. And its not that he can be stingy he should spend it in a good way. And Islam does not require the wife to spend a single penny if she does not want to.

      And do you know what is it like for a muslim man when after more than a decade of your marriage your wife leaves you. Even than you are suppose to give her 'Mahr' money whatever was decided in the marriage, even though she has accumulated her money from her job and not spent a single penny in marriage and you have been spending on your children and wife all this time.

      Divorce/Widowed:
      4- If God forbid a muslim woman gets divorce or her husband dies, then she is again the responsibility of her muslim brother or her muslim son.
      if she is her brother's responsibility, than he MUST provide for her and her children. Do you know what kind of stress it puts on brother financially because if he is married he has to support two families not one.
      If she is her son's responsibility than her son must provide her with all he can while still maintaining his family and children.

      I hope you can imagine the stress it will put on man's life financially and in other ways.

      5- Do you know what is it like for a muslim man not to be able to get married just because financially he is not secure to provide for his possible wife and future children. And by the time he is able to make some money, if his sister is not married or God forbid is divorced or widowed, he has to fulfill her needs first while putting his needs of marriage behind.

      Death:
      6- Do you know when a muslim woman dies, its her husband, brother or son's responsibility to make all the right arrangements for her proper burial and put her into the grave.

      This is the way a muslim man is suppose to follow the path of Islam, while loving, caring, respecting, providing for muslim woman from the start of her life till her end. A muslim man cannot say that laws of Islam are distorted or they are in favor of muslim woman he has to follow them. I have left many other points but hopefully I have conveyed my point of view. I am not complaining about Islamic laws I am just trying to explain that laws of Islam are not distorted for men. I hope and pray that one day you can see the beauty of these responsibilities and again I never intended to disrespect or disparage you or your fiancé.

      regards,

      .

  25. Concerned: that was really, exceptionally tactless. You do not know the hearts of people to be able to assign such a label.

    "but the fact of the matter is the law you are so adamant about is distorted and bias"

    Hmm, C.D, I'm afraid it's rather explicit in the scripture and there is no difference of opinion amongst the scholars. I've looked! You and your fiance are free to make your choices and put your trust in Allaah's mercy, but it is not right to declare that which doesn't agree with you as distorted and biassed without evidence.

  26. Hi Open?
    Your explanation is extremely detailed and obviously well researched, and yes it is very helpful. I can relate to everything you have written because it makes absolute sense. It is refreshing to hear from someone who doesn’t have a tunnelled point of view and who is willing to take the time to research and find a definitive answer which must surely make sense to anyone who reads it. Thank you.

    Concerned:
    I fully understand and very much admire the values Muslims have with regard to family. I have worked alongside Muslims in many places including the Middle East and I have always respected and admired their sense of family responsibility. This subject I never questioned, the only matter I failed to see any sense in is that which Open has now answered in my view unarguably.

    I hope Precious Star reads Open’s explication so she will at last have peace of mind and know to follow her heart is the right thing to do.

    Thanks again Open

  27. Unfortunately, I did love someone once, very recently, but at the end of the day I pushed him away and ended things because i couldn't resolve this conflict in my heart and mind. After much soul-searching, I regretted it, and wished to work it out with him; but, it took me a few months to reach that conclusion, and in the meantime, I lost him -- he found someone else and was enormously hurt that i had pushed him away.

    So I have to live with that. In my heart of hearts, I don't believe that I would have been "sinning" if I had tried again with this man. I was following my heart. But it wasn't meant to be. I tried, I lost, I am in despair.

    • Precious Star,
      Sister, I think you did the right thing by pushing this man away and Allah kept you on the right path. Please do not despair, I personally know sisters who have not been able to get married with right muslim man are still unmarried.

      Sister you mentioned that your parents brought you hear. But don't you think that you are able enough to make your own decision and if living in some country/place is jeopardizing your religion than you should look for your partner somewhere where your religion will be safe. After all prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) and his companions did hijra from Makkah to Madina. May be Allah wants you to follow that sunnah and help you find your soulmate.

      I think you were blessed by Allah by not marrying a non-muslim. You have been strong enough to follow Allah's deen. I'll suggest keep following the right path and inshaAllah you'll find good muslim man and will be able to marry him, inshaAllah.

      regards,

  28. Precious Star,
    I am so sorry your relationship ended in such a way, if only the correspondence between us all had taken place some time ago, you would not be in this situation now. You would have had peace of mind and known to follow your heart would have been the right thing to do. I am so sorry.

    My fiancé and I are both approaching our mid 40s, and she too had been waiting for the right person. She didn’t want an arranged marriage because she believed that marriage should be a union of love and not convenience. She wasn’t looking to find someone outside of Islam; she just wanted to find the right person for her. Even though I am not a Muslim, she knew in her heart that something that felt so natural and right couldn’t possibly be wrong.

    Don’t despair Precious Star, just listen to what Open has said and understand that to follow your heart is not wrong. Do this and you will find the life you are looking for. If I were you, I would talk to this man and explain the torment you have had to go through to finally realise that what you were doing wasn’t wrong. It has to be worth a try, don’t just sit back and say “if only”.

    I truly wish you the very best Precious

    Take care

    • Sharing your experience is one thing. Advising a Muslim to violate Islamic laws, especially one who is already confused and hurting, is unacceptable. People come to this website for clarity based on Islamic teachings, not to be further confused by incorrect and un-Islamic viewpoints.

      CD, you and "Open" seem to think that Allah's laws can be played with and manipulated to suit your own desires. You hope to find loopholes or to re-interpret the religion to suit your needs. Unfortunately you are only deceiving yourselves and others.

      It's a free world, do what you wish. You will only have to answer to Allah, not to me or anyone else. But don't pretend that it is Islamically acceptable, or right.

      Sometimes in life we must choose between what we desire, and what is right. Allah says in the Quran that if the religion went according to our whims and desires, we would all fall into destruction. it's extremely arrogant to think that we know better than Allah, even in matters of the human heart.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Don't worry - the man I love is not coming back to me, so I'm not in danger of violating Islamic laws. And I probably won't go down this road again, in terms of getting involved with a non-muslim.

        I guess I will wait for the joyous reunion in Paradise. I say that half-facetiously, because part of me does believe that we will be reunited there; the other half says that he will be with the woman he ultimately marries, in which case I have truly, truly lost him forever.

      • I am sorry but how one is violating the Islamic law by doing so ?
        If this issue was in the other way, means women are allowed to marry non muslim men and men can not marry non muslim women. But it is not very clear in the Quran that it is haram. What do you think muslim men would do ?
        Please be honest to yourself and to us. I dont think any muslim man woul accept this and be happy with it knowint that is being forbidden under no basics, and no real rules. You are forbidding this just because it is convinient for men, and no I am not taking sides against Islma, astaghfiro allah, I am a good muslim I love my religion and I'm trying to be the best muslim I could be.
        But having a brain of my own and been reading the quran since I have lreaned to read at write I couldnt find one verse or word in the book saying it is forbidden only for women.
        You yourself know this very clearly. Yet is it okay for you to forbid this and even tell other women they are not good msulims if they do it, just because many other things are forbidden for women and not for men. You know why ? not because they are mentioned in the Quran, but because those who say this or that is haram are men, if they were mostly women then many rules wouldnt be forbidden for women. You know it, you cant deny it.
        Peace.

  29. Hi Open,
    I'll be straightforward here as I think saying something is right while its clearly wrong is misguiding people and your post is misguiding people.

    Respectfully I think you are wrong in your claim about the marriage of muslim women. And please do not try to undermine respected moderators, although they are not the complete authority but I am pretty sure they know more than most of us on this forum. Also, I would request the moderators to correct me if I write something wrong due to my limited knowledge.

    In your conclusion you mention that :
    " If the one a Muslim woman chooses to marry is someone who believes in God then this is alright, they are considered a Muslim by definition and the Deen can come after....."

    Your statement is based on the wrong assumption you assume that a person is Muslim if he believes in God only. For start to be a muslim you should at least believe that There is no god but Allah and Muhammad (s.a.w) is his last messenger and prophet. This definition of being a muslim came into existence after the Propher Muhammad (s.a.w) was appointed as last prophet and messenger of Allah.

    But that is just one part of being a muslim. Then their are rest of four pillars of islam which I assume you googled.

    If a man has established first pillar of islam i,e, he has taken shahdah than he is muslim else he is NOT. Therefore the way you are entering everybody in islam just because they believe is God is totally wrong.

    Also your claim about Abraham, Jesus, Moses is also wrong that since they believed in God and they were muslims therefore if we believe in God only we'll be muslim. There is a huge change happened between the time of Abraham,jesus and Moses and NOW that was Prophet Muhammad(s.a.w.) was appointed as last messenger. Once this is done, Now if anybody who only believes in God he is not muslim. He must believe that "There is no god but Allah AND Muhammad (s.a.w.) is his last messenger and prophet"

    I hope I have cleared the basic misconception about islam.

    Since your initial assumption is wrong, therefore anybody who believes in God only is not muslim. Also, since a non-muslim man cannot marry a muslim woman. Therefore anybody who beleives in God only cannot marry a muslim woman. In other words, non-muslim man cannot marry a muslim woman.

    regards,

  30. Open,

    Seriously flawed reasoning. I am beginning to understand why scholars take what seems like decades to get to the point of issuing verdicts.

    C.D
    It would be better for you to talk to scholars if you really want to know the truth and not what your heart tells you. In addition, here, you will find only further opinion and controversy.

    Try:
    http://sakeenah.org/

    This life is a test. We are tested at our weakest points and for most of us, the weakest point is the heart, so following it isn't the most wise thing to do. I am sure Satan followed his heart when he refused to bow on God's order and Adam and Eve as. followed their hearts when they ate from the forbidden fruit.

  31. I would lyk 2 comment about the first point
    It is permissible for a Muslim man to marry a non-Muslim woman if she is Christian or Jewish, but it is not permissible for him to marry a non-Muslim woman who follows any religion other than these two. The evidence for that is the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Made lawful to you this day are At‑Tayyibaat [all kinds of Halaal (lawful) foods, which Allaah has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, milk products, fats, vegetables and fruits)]. The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends”

    [al-Maa'idah 5:4]

    • My advice to you would be to consult Imam hargey of meco for advice on this matter. He will point you in the right direction.Religion is based on love not fear.

  32. pls comment wether i'm correct or wrong

  33. I am an islam follower too. I agree muslim women should marry muslim men according to islam. I know a friend - she is daughter of a respected imam. She works far from family in dubay and is in relationship with non-muslim in dubay. i as muslim i disappointed. it feels like a joke.
    I feel very disappointed for her family.
    Question is if a woman from such tradtional background can do it - then ok. who are we to say anything.

    • Your comment makes no sense. If a woman from a "traditional background" chooses to commit a sin, it is her sin and her responsibility. It has nothing to do with you and me. Each of us is responsible for our own actions.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  34. Salaam.

    It seems there is a lot of me, me on this web site. People are choosing to ignore the teaching of our prophet (saw) and Allah in favour of 'love'. This love that these people seek is a western type of love and not one of Islamic origin. All I can say to the posters if you are truly a Muslim than stay away from engaging in what Allah forbids. Picking and choosing what parts to follow in Islam is not permissible, and turning a blind eye to the scripture is haram. Lastly, to C.D I'm sorry to say your wife is in the wrong and marrying you is going against the Islamic teachings. We have too many non-Muslims and "Muslims" interpreting the Quran to suit their way of living and beliefs. The Quran is not the devinci code and it clearly state what Allah expects of you and mankind.

    Mustafa

  35. It's haram
    You can only marry him if he converts to islam and follows it .

    I am really sorry but for few good years in this life ..... you are going to destroy your life hereafter .

  36. well, firstly Muslim men often marry non muslim women and i believe they are taking out of context what Allah has meant to be something that may be suits a certain situation..like for instance i believe that it is permissible to marry more than one wife and that was decreed in the holy Quran because it was an answer for a time period where women were being widowed and there was a shortage of men..If we are to believe that Allah meant for us to live harmoniously in our lives how can any muslim man support the mairrage of muslim men to Christian women who believe in polytheism (the holy trinity) and or Jewish women who don't except jesus christ (prophet Isa ) or prophet Muhammad..That my friend makes nmo sense whatsoever seeing as how a child is first reared by the mother and she will indeed instill the first set of values and practices on the child..Also do u really think Allah would have made something permissable for men that would cause a future of torment for muslim women like allowing muslim women to marry only "bonafide" muslim men who meet the requirements of not Allah but of other muslim men who's own desires and biases may courrupt them and not allow them to see a person as a believer in the one God (Allah) just because they aren't perfect muslims or perhaps will never be able to recite the Quran "perfectly " in Arabic and will never be able to show how "muslim" they are ..So i guess it is more acceptable to go after Muslim women who are living lives of torment where they have no options but to wait until a "muslim"an who has a smorgasborg of women to choose from as wives to come and pick them to be a wife ..I personally have to say that if this is the case than Allah knows our hearts and each of our personal struggles and he is oft forgiving and most merciful and it's not up to the man on this website to decide WHO IS DESERVING OF ALLAH"S MERCY! also the making of a muslim is the five pillars and we need to try and focus more on those and those are what should not be neglected , fasting, declaring that u bear witness there is no God other than Allah and that Muhammad was his prophet, hajj, charity, and prayers..I am sorry but Hijab is not a pillar of faith , nor is "and see to it that every muslimah is severly punished exiled or told she is commitng zina (fornication) if she were to marry a non muslim..

  37. Dijah,

    Assalamu alaikum wa rahmat Allahi wa barakatuhu.

    You ask:
    "If the non-Muslim man acknowledges the Prophet Mohammed (asws) as the final prophet and Islam as the last completing religion, and prophet Issa (asws) is Allah's messenger and not his son, is that enough without the need to convert to Islam?"

    If this man acknowledges all the above, he is already a Muslim!

  38. ASSALAM ALEIKUM. just a point for all to consider,
    HONESTLY, if you are not muslim or do not like Islam for some weird reason, or even worse, if you converted out of Islam, KEEP YOUR EXPERIENCES TO YOUR SELF. as far as i know, this is an Islamic website, meant to advise Muslims to do the right thing and bring them closer to Allaah, if you dont like Islam, then what are you doing commenting on a muslim website, trying to get people off their religion, authubiLLAAH, !!
    . if you left Islam, and am sure your regretting it, then that is your choice, DO NOT TRY TO GET OTHER PEOPLE OFF THE STRAIGHT PATH AS WELL, WHILST YOU KNOW DEEP DOWN THAT IT IS THE TRUTH, if you want to destroy yourself in jahannam,do it alone.

    am sorry but tit really angers me when people abandon Islam and ignore all its unmistakable signs and not just that but try to get othera off it!!!! MAY ALLAAH, THE PROTECTER AND GUIDER AND MOST MERCIFULL, MOST FORGIVING, THE LIGHT, KEEP US ON THIS STRAIGHT PATH, TILL THE LAST DAY!! even though the disbelievers may detest it! AMEEEEEEEN!

    • Ruqqayah thank you for making me laugh (its been a really long time)

      Not at you, la wallah i'm not, its just heartwarming to read how you were telling them off with such fierce simplicity and noble honour. i had a visual that you were waving a dust pan at them while you told them off.

      Your purity and the cute way you defended islam was priceless & what you said was true, the delivery was priceless and im going to save it to make me smile when i need to.

      Inshallah your deeds be as great as that of one of the mothers of alsahabah (the prophets pbuh's companions- ll try to get her name later on) in battle she was nursing the wounded and it came to a point that the back of the Rassoul pbuh was open to attack, she had the same instinctive protective reaction as you did and innocently she picked up a sword and attempted to prod it towards the direction of the horsed enemy, he cautioned her to move and make way so he attacks the prophet pbuh from behind and she didnt, she futily tried to fight this skilled warrior, after warning her he hacked at her shoulder wounding her deeply in an attempt to get her to move...yet she stayed firm, defending the Prophet pbuh, at that point I believe it was her son that came and took her place.

      It is said that the prophet praised her for her bravery and as i recall promised her paradise.
      May every word and letter you typed weigh your scales of good deeds and pave your way to Jannah too :)

  39. Can anyone help me to know dua to recite for breakage of my younger Muslim sister (19 y/o) unlawful relationship with her non-muslim husband, with who she did court marriage-not mosque or church marriagewts so ever. This fellow is illegal in U.S and we all know he did this for sake of greencard- he is not planning to convert to Islam nor my sister is forcing him- My parents are having a very very hard time, b/c my sister has cutoff her all relationships with her- she called police even- I didnt know tht laws are so strong for illegal immigrant than legal folks. some people says its black magic as his origin is from chennai- i didnt mean tht every one belonging to tht place is superstitoius- but circumstances are telling tht there is no match b/w him and my sis in education, personaltiy, background, he is very poor personality, ZERO (zero) education guy, moreover we and even her dont know anything about his family cuz all we saw is his parnets pic and rest of his family is in Chennai, and who knows he is already married in his home country and the man who speaks longdistance on phone with my sis is this man father or not. This is tough to swallow and from almost last year she even did not finish her education- her education stopped there. Now she is living with him from last 8 months and commiting ZInah- unlawful relationship-even we told her plenty times along with Quran ayats tht no muslim woman can marry non-muslim guy, but she is not willing to listen to us and now moreover she doesnt even reply my mom's call- mom leaves her crying messages in her voicemail but she is not talking to my mom except my elder bro- who is also involved in with non-muslim girl, infact my bro is worst, more selfish not willing to help my family in this situation, instead he is creating more negative feelings in her (my sis) mind against my parents and me. My parents and me going thru the toughest time of our life.

    Please who ever read this blog pray for my younger sister to be good Muslimah and her return to good deeds and closeness to Islam.

    if someone knows any dua or wazifa to recite for breaking unlawful relationship pls do tell me. or any suggestion please- I am too much worried about her becuase I know my sis was not this as she is now and she never/ever agreed any discussion for getting married with non-muslim man.

    Please help

    • saima, please log in and write your question as a separate post, and we will advise you on your sister's situation, Insha'Allah.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  40. Salam Wael,

    thankyou for your reply, I posted it seprately in block of unlawful relationship- status is pending for review. I will be waiting for your reply.

    Thankyou

  41. 1. It is not allowed for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man. Period. That is Allah's decree, not mine.

    ^^ Liar. No where in the Qu'ran does it say this. Not the original one. This was a rule imposed by a group of old thinking men called Jurists. The fact that you would spout such lies shows us where you shall go when you die.

  42. I am a muslim girl. I am in love with a Hindu boy. I want to marry him.Can I marry him without converting him to muslim??

    • No, you cannot marry a hindu boy. It is forbidden for both Muslim men and women to marry hindus.

      If you have any further question, please log in and submit your question as a separate post.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  43. Assalamu Alaykum to all,

    I would like, as far as possible without trying to let my own opinions on this issue interfere with my reasoning [and also because I feel my opinions - or anyone else's for that matter - are irrelevant when face to face with the rules laid down by Allah], ask the following questions.

    What I ask for in return from you, dear Muslim and non-Muslim friends, are FACTS, not OPINIONS, I hope you will be able to help me understand the issue better by giving me just the information I ask for and kindly back whatever you put forward with only relevant references from the Holy Quran. Thank you.

    1. Please, only if you are 100% in a position to do so based on adequate research, study and understanding of Arabic and the Quran BY YOURSELF OR UNDER THE GUIDANCE OF AN ESTABLISHED AND WORLDWIDE ACKNOWLEDGED SCHOLAR, provide me with the quotations therein with regard to Muslim women not being able to marry non muslim men.

    I have read most of the above comments, and based merely on my understanding of it all here I am copy/pasting one quotation verbatim:

    AND DO NOT Marry women who ascribe divinity to aught beside God ere they attain to [true] belief: for any believing bondwoman [of God] is certainly better than a woman who ascribes divinity to aught beside God, even though she please you greatly. And do not give your women in marriage to men who ascribe divinity to aught beside God ere they attain to [true] belief: for- any believing bondman [of God] is certainly better than a man who ascribes divinity to aught beside God, even though he please you greatly. [Such as] these invite unto the fire, whereas God invites unto paradise, and unto [the achievement of] forgiveness by His leave; and He makes clear His messages unto mankind, so that they might bear them in mind.

    Is this accurate? Is this all that is said [ again, I am looking for a word for word transliteration, not an interpretation] on the matter, or are there more on the matter IN THE HOLY QURAN ?

    2. If there is more said on the matter, or if the translation above is not worded correctly in the relevant areas or whatever, I look forward to receiving the benefits of the wise knowledge of what I have so far come to declare very assertive and in most cases well researched individuals on this thread.

    In particular, I need to see the part where ALLAH HIMSELF, meaning specifically on the Quran and only in the Quran HAS SPECIFICALLY FORBIDDEN a Muslimah to marry a non muslim man as opposed to one who does not believe in one God [i.e. a polytheist] . I recall someone saying quite assertively, "It is a law that was given by God in the Quran, and by the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). It's not up to us to change it. As Muslims we accept it. Though you may not feel it applies in your case, God does not legislate differently for every person. The law is the same for all."
    Well, what is the exact wording of the law?

    As a lawyer, I am given to such thorough analysis of laws, hence I am not [Astagfirullah] questioning His law, merely trying to understand/comprehend ....that if , since not all non-muslims are polytheists [certainly not Jews or Christians], whether what Allah has laid down in the Quran in terms of prohibition for Muslim women actually covers Jews and Christians [because in the above translation, it does not, and this is strengthened by the allowance of Muslim men to marry Jewish and Christian women...I will address the issue of men vs women in a later question].

    Mind you I am NOT presupposing that a believer in God is automatically a Muslim, as someone above has done and since been corrected...I am saying, arent, as the ayat says, Muslim women simply forbidden to marry anyone who does not believe in (one) God, as no further elaboration is provided as to whether they are or are not allowed to marry anyone else who believes in one God...Jews, Christians (and anyone else?) included?

    And also, what is to be done according to the words in the Quran in terms of a non believer, in situations where a man is born into Islam, Christianity, Judaism or a mixed faith, but does not practice the religion/s in a devout manner and has conflicts about it [but neither discourages others from practicing]? Because, clearly, there are so many 'muslim by birth' men who do not practice Islam the way intended and even have doubts/make up their own rules/subscribe to agenda-based fatwas or schools of thought instead of following the actual Quran decrees....so, is it a sin to marry these men too? For surely if the 'non-believer' category is so inclusive, it should not just be so literal in case of non muslims? It cannot be so that Allah will accept a muslimah to marry a 'confused/reluctant muslim' man yet if the same comes from someone who was not born into our religion, she should be forbidden to marry him!

    I will admit that I am sadly not a very well-researched individual in the Quran, but that does nothing to take away from the fact that I have clear reasoning skills that I can use to look at an argument from a completely neutral point of view without having my judgment be clouded by my own views....so all I ask is your guidance on the exact words of Allah in the Quran, not how you, or any one other than Allah, feel it 'should' be interpreted, so please help me to see things this way. His way.

    Until then, I will share one opinion I have formed from the above discussion on the narrow interpretation of the law, which so far seems to have no express basis in the Quran itself. It feels to me, based on only the quotation above, [i will address the other issues for its established interpretation later] that this manner of interpretation is an insult to the Merciful qualities of Allah by people in the past, when the Arab world was in chaos, who have not put too much effort into interpreting what is an open denouement of a rule, and merely, as has unfortunately appeared in many reply posts above, a confusion of Allah's words in the Holy Quran, with other old sources such as Hadith or words of other scholars and so forth....

    AGAIN, if you have any FACTS to oppose this speculation of mine, feel free to correct me but only if you can SHOW ME where in the Holy Quran it says so expressly. There is no need to engage in a game of accusations and such, just tell me if i am wrong that i am wrong but ONLY IF you can show me facts.

    3. I also want to know more on the basis of the provision. From my reading it appears that the reasons are that: (a) as men tend to be the heads of families they have more influence over the lifestyle and practices of the entire family, hence if a muslimah marries a non-muslim man then it is possible for him to influence her and the children, so that she may leave her faith or be led to do so and the children may not follow Islam or have confusing mixed faiths. (b) Also that Islam provides many rights and protections to Muslim women [Alhamdulillah, there is no denying this, I have recently read a quote that said if non muslim men knew the extent Islam protects and respects muslim women they would want to be muslim women! I agree 100%]. (c) The same is true for negative consequences, i.e. divorce, death, alimony, child custody etc - Islam provides for the woman like no other...and lastly (d) the origin of what I am so far taking to be a mere manmade speculation of Allah's words is the instance of preservation of the Ummah, Is this accurate? Are there more reasons?

    More importantly, are these not all reasons that people came up with? Allah does not need to, nor in most cases does, give us reasons for His rules, so these are all manmade, I do not know if any of them are by the Prophet (PBUH) but even then they would not get precedence over the Quran.

    I am not being 'fast' or 'Western minded', I grew up and spent my entire life in the Muslim third world as well as several years in some of the biggest cities in the world so quite in tune with the reality of life, so on the above reasons please discuss my views and queries:

    (a) Accepting this rule, what happens if a non muslim man not only does not try to influence or ignore the muslim woman's faith but encourages it and even takes part in it, like C.D.? If Allah made us all, and if discrimination against other faiths is a sin in Islam, is it not a sin to discriminate against a person who is helping our cause while we dont bat an eyelash at born-muslim men who do as they please with no heed to religion? How is discriminating against someone who encourages his wife and children to follow Islam, just because he is not a Muslim himself, [especially where Allah has not done so] acceptable?

    (b) If a Muslim woman keeps her faith, she retains the related responsibilities, as for those that relate to her rights, we are fortunate to live in an era where they are ensured and women are sufficiently empowered to look after themselves, where they are not they may look into it [in those countries society will not allow them to marry non muslims anyway] but for majority of countries worldwide we are equal human beings and have access to rights and provisions.

    (c) these are issues that we need to be concerned for our respective countries' family law to take over, in any case there are many aspects of Islamic law [something I know a lot about] such as property distribution that is in fact unfair to women...not all of these are from the Quran, a lot of things are manmade and those that do not stand ground today should be considered in light of the Quran. Consequently re: the legal protections afforded to women, there comes the feminist argument [call it hogwash all you want but feminism is still a point of view whether you like it or not] so our scholars need to look into what is relevant from the manmade laws and what is unnecessary on a case-by-case basis.

    (d) This is completely irrelevant today, the Ummah is [Alhamdulillah] alive and well and as long as we Muslims tend to live harmoniously without being unnecessary threats to each other and to other religions or groups [that is a sin itself] and work to first eliminate our own confusions as to what is dogma and what is Allah's words, then clear up the ignorance of others rather than mongering hate and accusations [honestly, just read the stories of the life of the Prophet (PBUH) and how he dealt with people who disagreed with him!]

    We have come a long way from the days of yore. Let us not tie ourselves back there, the whole point of our divine religion is to evolve into the best people we can be, the closest we can come to the path of Allah. If a Muslimah who is educated well by her family in the faith, who believes the word of Allah on her own and knows better than to not stray from the righteous path meets a non muslim man who respects her faith and does not disbelieve in monotheism discusses it with her, sharing ideas, presenting more scope for both of them to educate themselves and seek guidance, where Allah has said nothing so as to prevent them from marrying, who are you and who am I to interfere.

    • Alif, you wrote many paragraphs discussing the Quranic proof and the words of the Quran, but it seems to me that you were angling all along to your final conclusion - that Islamic laws are out-of-date and we must "evolve" beyond them.

      If you are not a Muslim, and if you do not accept the Quran as the final legislator and arbiter in our lives, then live your life however you choose, and your final judgment is with Allah.

      If you are Muslim, and you do accept the Quran as your guide and law, then all this discussion is moot, as the Quran is quite clear. You quoted it yourself in your comment. Al-Baqarah 2:221 is a general prohibition against Muslims (male or female) marrying polytheists, whether they be Hindu, Buddhist, Christian, animist, or whatever the case may be. An atheist too is considered a mushrik, as he is one who has placed his own ideas and desires above Allah. In Surat Al-Maaidah, an exception has been made for Muslim men to marry women of the People of the Book; however, a Muslim woman is better. No such exception has been made for Muslim women to marry men of the People of the Book.

      Why has Allah forbidden Muslim women to marry non-Muslims? As you pointed out, Allah does not have to explain His reasons to us. Muslim scholars have, out of their own intellects, given various reasons. It may be that these reasons make sense to you, or perhaps not. To me they do. But in the end it is Allah who legislates, and we who obey.

      You asked about marriage to a Muslim man who does not practice, or who has deviant beliefs. Such a marriage is indeed not recommended. The Messenger of Allah (sws) advised us to choose a spouse who has taqwa, or Allah-consciousness. Someone who does not practice Islam is not good marriage material. And if someone has deviant beliefs to the point of being outside Islam - for example someone who does not pray, or belongs to some extreme sect with un-Islamic precepts - then that person is not permissible as a marriage partner.

      I do not wish to get into an extended debate on these matters in this thread. If you have more questions, feel free to register and submit your questions as a separate post, Insha'Allah.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Asalaam alaikum,

        The actual Arabic:

        وَلَا تَنكِحُواْ ٱلۡمُشۡرِكَـٰتِ حَتَّىٰ يُؤۡمِنَّ‌ۚ وَلَأَمَةٌ۬ مُّؤۡمِنَةٌ خَيۡرٌ۬ مِّن مُّشۡرِكَةٍ۬ وَلَوۡ أَعۡجَبَتۡكُمۡ‌ۗ وَلَا تُنكِحُواْ ٱلۡمُشۡرِكِينَ حَتَّىٰ يُؤۡمِنُواْ‌ۚ وَلَعَبۡدٌ۬ مُّؤۡمِنٌ خَيۡرٌ۬ مِّن مُّشۡرِكٍ۬ وَلَوۡ أَعۡجَبَكُمۡ‌ۗ أُوْلَـٰٓٮِٕكَ يَدۡعُونَ إِلَى ٱلنَّارِ‌ۖ وَٱللَّهُ يَدۡعُوٓاْ إِلَى ٱلۡجَنَّةِ وَٱلۡمَغۡفِرَةِ بِإِذۡنِهِۦ‌ۖ وَيُبَيِّنُ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمۡ يَتَذَكَّرُونَ (٢٢١)

        Transliteration of the verse 2:221:

        Wala tankihoo almushrikatihatta yu/minna walaamatun mu/minatun khayrun minmushrikatin walaw aAAjabatkum wala tunkihooalmushrikeena hatta yu/minoo walaAAabdun mu/minunkhayrun min mushrikin walaw aAAjabakum ola-ika yadAAoonaila annari wallahu yadAAooila aljannati walmaghfirati bi-ithnihiwayubayyinu ayatihi linnasilaAAallahum yatathakkaroon.

        Most consistently used English translations:

        Sahih International
        And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite [you] to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember.

        Muhsin Khan
        And do not marry Al-Mushrikat (idolatresses, etc.) till they believe (worship Allah Alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) Mushrikah (idolatress, etc.), even though she pleases you. And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrikun till they believe (in Allah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater, etc.), even though he pleases you. Those (Al-Mushrikun) invite you to the Fire, but Allah invites (you) to Paradise and Forgiveness by His Leave, and makes His Ayat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) clear to mankind that they may remember.

        Pickthall
        Wed not idolatresses till they believe; for lo! a believing bondwoman is better than an idolatress though she please you; and give not your daughters in marriage to idolaters till they believe, for lo! a believing slave is better than an idolater though he please you. These invite unto the Fire, and Allah inviteth unto the Garden, and unto forgiveness by His grace, and expoundeth His revelations to mankind that haply they may remember.

        Yusuf Ali
        Do not marry unbelieving women (idolaters), until they believe: A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allures you. Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate His praise.

        Shakir
        And do not marry the idolatresses until they believe, and certainly a believing maid is better than an idolatress woman, even though she should please you; and do not give (believing women) in marriage to idolaters until they believe, and certainly a believing servant is better than an idolater, even though he should please you; these invite to the fire, and Allah invites to the garden and to forgiveness by His will, and makes clear His communications to men, that they may be mindful.

        Dr. Ghali
        And do not marry female associators (Those who associate others with Allah) until they believe; and indeed a believing bondwoman is more charitable than a female associator, even if you may admire her. And do not (allow) associators to marry (your females) until they believe. And indeed a believing bondman is more charitable than an associator, even if you may admire him. Those call to the Fire, and Allah calls to the Garden and forgiveness, by His permission, and He makes evident His signs to mankind, that possibly they would remind themselves.

        The reasoning is quite simple: this revelation applies to Muslims. As such, it was talking directly about the idol worshipers. In telling the Muslim not to marry these people until they "believe," what Allah (swt) is saying that these specific people must become believers, i.e. Muslims in order to marry them. Not till they become Christians or Jews, since the whole point of the Qur'an was to make people adherent to His laws as Muslims.

        Also, you speculate widely in your post, but refuse to accept the respected opinions of people better versed in the Qur'an than you and wish to only be shown literal meanings while again, you are free to speculate? Where is the reasoning in that?

        Hadiths bear this out, but you refuse to only accept what you wish, so if you're going to tie yourself to literal words, then you cannot claim your position as correct because there is no verse that says where a Muslimah can marry a non-Muslim. Therefore your "literal" argument falls apart.

        In most of your argument, especially at the end of #3, you also wish to throw out the Sunnah as you feel when necessary, as well. When in fact, the Sunnah is the first exegesis of the Qur'anic way of life. Here's a simple question: how do you pray? It's not in the Qur'an verbatim, so what do you do? You follow the Sunnah, right? That's how important it is to Muslims.

        To answer your following points:

        A. This ayat (5:51) specifically says for the Muslim not to take the Christians or Jews as protectors/guardians or patrons, which would qualify in the description of a husband because Muslim men are mentioned as guardians for women in Chapter 4:34:

        Sura 5:51

        Transliteration
        Ya ayyuha allatheena amanoola tattakhithoo alyahooda wannasaraawliyaa baAAduhum awliyao baAAdinwaman yatawallahum minkum fa-innahu minhum inna Allaha layahdee alqawma aththalimeen

        O you who believe! Take not the Jews and the Christians as Auliya' (protectors, guardians, patrons), they are but Auliya' to one another. And if any amongst you takes them as Auliya', then surely he is one of them. Verily, Allah guides not those people who are the Zalimun (polytheists and wrong-doers and unjust).

        B. Is addressed above

        C. There is no better feminist right than in the Qur'an. Western feminism has done nothing to increase the advantage of women versus the rights afforded to her in the Qur'an. If it is applied wrongly in your country, that is a strike against the people there and nothing against Allah (swt). In turn, what do you say of those Western feminist societies that treat women only as flesh commodity, and wherein in the professional fields she still earns 25% less than men? Surely is this the great feminism that you talk about where men call women of education all types of vile names on the radio waves?

        D. I address this point with an ayat 4:59:

        O you who believe! Obey Allah and obey the Messenger (Muhammad SAW), and those of you (Muslims) who are in authority. (And) if you differ in anything amongst yourselves, refer it to Allah and His Messenger (SAW), if you believe in Allah and in the Last Day. That is better and more suitable for final determination.

        Having been associated with many lawyers, I know that the argument and interpretation of law is paramount in the courtroom during trial, as they are taught this in law school and it is the basis of dissertations and judgement in all judiciaries. In your profession, to not interpret the law is to be an ineffective lawyer and perhaps, a starving one. To suggest that religious law must be literal for you in every respect or you are free to follow your whims is the reflection of ego and nothing more, and belies your own profession.

        Lastly, since you are speculating in contradiction to Qur'an, Sunnah, hadith nor are you trained in religious knowledge, it becomes obligatory on you to learn.

      • Polythesis doesn't include christianity actually...

        • Christians are polytheists. They worship Jesus (pbuh), the "Holy Ghost", and in addition to that Catholics worship Mary (pbuh) and the Catholic saints.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Also I have another question. Why has such an exception been made for a man and not for a woman?

        • H, because Allah said so in the Quran. If you're asking for the reasons or rationale, I do not know Allah's thoughts, however I can see some obvious reasons. One is that if a woman were married to more than one husband, they would not know who was the father of her child. Secondly, men have a sex drive and biological urge that drives them to be with more than one women, while women have a biological "nesting" instinct that drives them to choose only one man. Thirdly, young men tend to have a higher mortality rate (due to wars and accidents), so you end up with situations like we have today in Iraq where the women greatly outnumber the men. I'm sure there are more reasons, but this is really a subject for a separate article and is outside the scope of this website.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Alif you took a rationale based as opposed to a completely faith based approach to why can't muslim women marry non-muslim men, specifically kitabi men. Are you still here, I would have liked to written a response on a similar thread that had too many responses and was closed>

      The basic crux I have against your 'rationality' is that it makes several assumptions and holds up this penchant of liberalism unquestionably. like a religious fundamentalist who pulls out 'kill them' from the Quran and misquotes it you miss the context of pretty much all your talking about and assume peoples actions are what dictate divine law. For instance you said the man is the head of the family because he tends to be more influential...this can be true but there isn't an Islamic basis for this...the basis is largely from the rights granted upon WOMEN in Islam (giving muhr, paying dowry, putting the obligation to teach children on men)

      I want to continue this conversation but I want to know whether you are still reading

      • I am here, sorry for not getting back sooner. I am open to talk further.

        As I have mentioned my understanding of Islam is sadly not based on expert research but rather my own life as a 21st century Muslim. So all my reasoning is either things I decided they should be based on what I felt, or ideas I picked up from other sources which I felt must be right as it makes most sense to me.

        The whole point of my coming here to this forum is to talk about these issues and understand the point of view I don't share, from people who for a change will know what they are talking about, rather than attacking me for having a different opinion without any sense of objectivity. [Yes, I realise my 'opinion' does not mean Jack face to face with the word of Allah but all i am trying to do is wrap my head around these things so I can be a better Muslim who questions what I dont get, most importantly sees what is actually Allah's decrees vis a vis what scholars with their own agendas decided for the rest of the population, rather than just accepting everything in blind faith, which I feel ultimately leads to terrible consequences].

        I agree with Professor X in that "since I am speculating while not trained in religious knowledge, it becomes obligatory on me to learn", the thing is I have so far assumed everything that I have on this issue based on the understanding that these were all narrow interpretations of the Quran rather than what is actually there [which is why I kept asking for the exact quote/s].

        You mentioned having an issue with me holding on to the liberal attitude all throughout. That is my default attitude, yes. But you go on to compare this to the opposite side, of fundamentalists. I don't understand how you can pigeonhole this in such a black and white manner like that, because me being 'liberal' does not mean I subscribe to everything unorthodox that the West throws out. I merely refrain, at this point in time, from condoning the concepts I do not see the logic in [yet?]

        I feel a conversation is in order, I would love to hear what you have to say.

        • Asalaam alaikum,

          Until you strive for that knowledge, making it up as you go along is essentially haram. That's the beginning and the end of it when it comes to any subject whether it be philosophy, medical, law, engineering and yes, even religion. Imagine going to see a doctor who makes it up as they go along. So we see the evident problem with this train of thought.

          The danger is that when you speculate wildly, then you are just making up whatever you wish and instead of submitting to what is rational, logical and apparent, you are just nourishing your own limited view. That's also fundamentalist and has the stain of infusing your thoughts while suspending Divine Revelation. It's as if you are appointing yourself as a god. Yes, the implications are that dire.

          What extremist possess in their thinking is their own thought process and then seek to have religion conform to it. You've done the same thing when you take liberality to the extreme. Islam is a religion of moderation, neither swinging wildly in one direction or the other. The issue is black and white in this case, there's no getting around it, but in my last post I touched on something spiritual, which seems to be missing from the counter arguments. I'll expound on this for a moment.

          What people keep complaining about here in this subject, is that they are taking the wrong view and seeing a limitation. Instead, what Allah (swt) has revealed is an "emphasis." This type of revelation and law runs through all of Islam. From praying five times a day, to eating, drinking, charity, spirituality and on and on, the Most Divine has given us instructions to adhere to and be careful of certain things.

          So the question becomes, "why is it that we focus on the haram and endlessly complain, when our focus should be on what is halal and the endless bounties in over abundance?" It's like going to a fresh water lake and complaining there isn't a swimming pool. In the end, it's ungratefulness and yes, even selfishness that drives this limited focus.

          As I have posted before, the problem here is that too many people are looking at the world as they see it, with the small scope of being a human, instead of how Allah (swt) sees it: as the One. What we must do is not only seek general knowledge, but also attain depth of it to understand what He is telling us.

          The pursuit of religious knowledge is incumbent on every Muslim. It's not enough to say, "I refuse to understand." How is that not being being close-minded? Instead, what our limitations should do is pique our interest to such a degree that we learn our religion not only for the practical benefits, but for the spiritual side, as well. We learn and seek the insight of Divine Revelation because that is a form of gratefulness to Allah (swt). It also has the distinct benefit of raising our status in the hereafter, which is the Mercy of Allah (swt).

          The limitation through this forum here is evident. Though a conversation is wanted by you, you should instead seek the knowledge in honest studies, with a group of knowledgeable people and even through Islamic courses. The are several schools of Islamic thought, so there is no limit to learning in this day and age.

          Yet, just as the last poster above has done, you have blamed people (scholars) for being one point of contention that fueled your viewpoint. Therefore, you've supported the counter argument only in contravention to these very same people by your own admitted and limited knowledge. The failing of this logic is quite evident, because there are so many legitimate and moderate Islamic scholars in the past and in this very day whom you could follow, which makes this argument very weak. However, even the most forward thinking scholars, who some would call "modern liberal," share the same viewpoint on this very issue. There is not one truly trained, peer respected and sincere scholar that has ever ruled in favor of a Muslim woman marrying a non-Muslim. Not one. And of course, there isn't one example in Islamic hadith or in Qur'anic verse that would support the non-Muslim marriage in this instance, either. None. The evidence is overwhelming from the very beginning of Islam, which was carried out by the Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw).

          So the question then becomes, why not research the jurisprudence in relation to Qur'an? Why abandon what research in any field has always required? If you have been so driven in one direction which hasn't helped you to gain any depth of knowledge, then you should switch directions and seek guidance and understanding.

          The problem that you face isn't so much on this issue however, as this is merely a symptom of your thought process. The concept that is escaping you is actually the basis of religion. What you need to understand is that you must remove your own desires from the equation and strive to become one with the Will of Allah (swt). You must try to understand what prophethood is about and why revelation was sent in the way that is was for thousands of years.

          Of course, this takes time, but it does cause you to truly put your sincerity forth. Yet, the greatest step is utter humility. For a person brave enough to say, "I don't know," and then seeks knowledge has a virtue that the person who refuses to admit this will ever achieve while giving circumspect opinion. I am sorry if that sounds harsh, but you need to understand that what you have been doing is a sin and it's a very large sin. If you ever lead one person astray through your message, you will be held accountable for it while knowing that your opinion had no genuine basis other than yourself. So this becomes the crux of why understanding religion is of paramount concern, first and foremost.

          Allah (swt) says that on the Day of Judgement, those who have been lead astray will be asked who showed them the wrong path. You need to ask yourself then, do you want those people pointing at you?

          Before you think lightly of that question, this is what every legitimately trained Islamic scholar has taken on as their burden if they led/lead people astray.

  44. my friend got in to a marriage with a non muslim as he promised to convert. Now he is converted but does not practice completely. what is the advice for my friend?

    • Sara, this is the problem with marrying someone who converts just to marry a Muslim. There is a lack of sincerity. Anyway, as long as your friends husband still says, "Laa ilaha-il-Allah, Muhammadur-Rasul-Ullah", then she should be patient with him and allow him to grow as a Muslim in time. Share Islamic books and films with him, get him to go to the Masjid for Jum'ah, and Insha'Allah he will gain in imaan.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • What about marrying a muslim man who does not pray or fast, and drinks ?
        If muslim women can not marry those type of muslim men, then what type of muslim men can they marry ? Where do you draw the line ?
        I am a muslim girl who practices Islam in all ways, yet I am sorry I am not convinced of this IT IS FORBIDDEN FOR WOMEN BUT NOT FOR MEN" kind of thing. Why ? just why ? There are not real and true reasons to forbid it, it is even haram in Islam to forbid something ans make it haram when it isn't, even if it isn't clear in the book that mulim women can or can not marry non mulim men, but it is not haram, it is haram in itself to make it haram. Am I wrong ?
        If the non mulim man is willing to let his children be raised muslim and respects his muslim wife and provides for her ? Why can this marriage not be legal for Arabs ? I dont get it, I can not be convinced, I'm sorry.

        • If you cannot be convinced, then why ask me why? You have sealed your own heart against knowledge.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • Well I did ot say I have aready found the answer, I never will.
            What I am saying is this:
            Because it is not haram for men to marry non muslim women, then men are never questioned about it, it is very normal in society nobody ill point th efinger at him. While I personally have known cases of families where the father is a muslim yet his kids are Christians and Jewish. They feel that they lack the power to make them become muslims. I know 3 families where the children are not muslims even though the fathers are good muslims. And two of those 3 families the parents are divorced, so th ekids are taken by the mother under the law.
            How is it still okay for muslim men to marry non muslim women ?
            Will the mother still teach the kids to be good muslims even though she's dovirced ?
            What if remarries a man from her faith ?
            What bothers me is that knowing these cases exist and bad things can happen, yet it is okay for muslim men. Please tell me if I am wrong.
            I am not trying to be rude or anything, I do not want anybody to misunderstand me.
            I am just stating facts, and telling stories that I have seen with my own eyes.
            You can tell me that the man here is reponsible for his kids, yet you know that in the case of divorce it is no longer his responsability by law to take care of the kids.
            What about those who live in America or Europe ? is it still halal for them to marry whoever they want ?
            I dont think so, if anything it is forbidden for both genders, period.

          • Sister I do understand your concerns, but we cannot make the halal haraam. That is a big sin. If Allah (swt) has allowed men to marry non-Muslim women then we have to accept that. And also just because something is allowed in Islam does not mean its recommended in Islam - there is a big difference. Yes in practice it may cause lots of problems - and I personally would not recommend it. It is far far better if a Muslim man marries a Muslim woman - and yes you do hear of many stories of the mothers turning the kids away from Islam. So marrying a Muslim reduces the chance of this happening. But again we cannot make the halal haraam.

            And any Muslim man who shirks his duties towards his kids - Muslim or non Muslim will be accountable- period. Do not judge Islam on the actions of the people sister. Just because Muslims are not following Islam properly it does not mean there is any problem with Islam. Islam is perfect - it is us Muslims who are far from that.

            Sara
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • Asalaam alaikum,

          I'm a glutton for punishment, so I'll give this a try.

          The first problem that I see is that you are basing the actions of individual Muslim men as to judge what Islam reflects in a man. Therefore, this is a part of your precursor to taking your stance. The biggest problem with this perspective is that you have allowed the actions of men determine your faith.

          One of the requirements of making a judgement of the shariah is seeking the literal, spiritual and historical aspects of the ruling. You then must ask yourself if you have truly gained this knowledge and have sought out those more knowledgable to help you understand this religious law.

          Another mistake that you have made is not understanding that the nikkah is a contract of marriage based on Islamic law. Since you cannot form the aforementioned union with a non-Muslim you cannot actually enter into a nikkah. Thereby all sexual contact is considered zina.

          You also ignore the spiritual aspect and the metaphysical connotations because you are basing everything on the physical world. Islam is a greater religion that this and you are failing to understand this implication.

          One important point regarding the problems faced by the children will be that since they will be considered born out of wedlock, they will not be able to lead prayers. Imagine the child who grows into a parent that cannot lead their own children in prayers.

          You may argue that you don't care about these things, but you are also placing this burden on children who had no say in the matter. That is a form of oppression.

          This issue has ramifications that affect more than just yourself. This is why Islam is a social religion, too. It is a shame that you have yet to understand these finer points.

  45. Assalamualaikum,
    i would be very grateful, if anyone can provide me any advice please.

    (I deleted the rest of your comment. Please log in and write your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn Insha'Allah. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor)

  46. Sara
    Let me be clear here, It is halal for men to marry non mulim women, but it is not haram for muslim women to marry non muslim men, it is just unclear. There's nothing in the Quran stating it is halal or haram, we do not know!
    But from what I have researched, and imams telling me. They are making the non harama, haram.
    No again and again and again a muslim woman marrying a non muslim man is NOT haram, is it just not clear and nobody wants to make it clear. Nobody is willing to make it clear, so if something concerns a woman in Islam and is not clear if it's halal or haram, then they make it automaticlly haram. Why? go figure.

    • Asalaam alaikum,

      Once again you're simply denying the evidence. The problem that has been evident here, as is the case from your last post, is that you give anecdotal evidence versus Qur'anic evidence. To be honest, there's not one verse where you can say that it is allowed, as it has been done to show that it forbidden. The verses above make that clear along with centuries of fiqh, hadith and reasonable, logical proofs.

      Islam makes the standard quite clear by which this should be met: bring your evidence if you are truthful.

      • Asalaam alaikum,

        Chapter 4, Verse 65

        But no, by your Lord, they can have no Faith, until they make you (O Muhammad SAW) judge in all disputes between them, and find in themselves no resistance against your decisions, and accept (them) with full submission.

        So show me evidence where the Prophet allowed Muslim women to marry non-Muslims? Thereby the importance of the Prophet's Sunnah in this matter. This is Allah (swt) telling us exactly the importance of the Holy Prophet's decisions and life. So as I said, bring your proof to show otherwise. You will not be able to do so and the shame of it is, is that we all know that.

        Btw, as far as no one personally making it clear to you, this is not a good excuse. Once an issue is unclear to you, by Islamic standards, it becomes obligatory for you to understand it, i.e. getting the proper level of understanding and if need be, the education to do so.

        There have been centuries of scholars who have made this issue clear though, depite your protestations. The Qur'an, Islamic History, the life of the Prophet and books of hadith make it known that it was never allowed and that there is jurisprudence evidence over the same amount of time as to why. If you think Islamic scholars are just "winging it," then you haven't talked to a real one or ascertained the verses, evidence or fiqh behind it, let alone understand how the scholars have made clear the same evidence. It's apparent that this is an issue that you just don't understand and rather than researching it as to why within an open and researched based underlying foundation, you just keep claiming that it's unclear to you. Thus, you want to make up your own rules of fiqh when you have no qualifications to do so. Why?

        It's because you have failed to understand the basis of religion as I have outlined above in another reply. You keep on looking at the world as a limited human being. You keep on saying that you will never understand and create the scenario in which you are willingly being stubborn to comprehend for no other reason that bears evidence or true Islamic understanding. Why?

        You have willingly set your self up to be limited and what is worse, you don't even have conviction as to what you believe in this matter. So you have drawn your own limits of understanding and are comfortable in them. Yet, you don't realize that propagating your belief based on these inner issues of your closed minded attitude is a sin. So let me bring forth some verses so that you understand exactly what Allah (swt) says about this mindset, because this much should be made clear to you.

        Surely, those who disbelieve after their believing, then increase in unbelief, their repentance shall not be accepted, and these are they that go astray.
        ( سورة آل عمران , Aal-e-Imran, Chapter #3, Verse #90)

        He will say: Enter into fire among the nations that have passed away before you from among jinn and men; whenever a nation shall enter, it shall curse its sister, until when they have all come up with one another into it; the last of them shall say with regard to the foremost of them: Our Lord! these led us astray therefore give them a double chastisement of the fire. He will say: Every one shall have double but you do not know.
        ( سورة الأعراف , Al-Araf, Chapter #7, Verse #38)

        And of men is he who takes instead frivolous discourse to lead astray from Allah's path without knowledge, and to take it for a mockery; these shall have an abasing chastisement.
        ( سورة لقمان , Luqman, Chapter #31, Verse #6)

  47. What evidence have I denied ?
    I haven't seen one true evidence to srat beleiving in the first place.
    It is true that in the Quran there is not a single verse where it shows that women are allowed to marry non muslim men. But it does not mean that i is not allowed, just because ther verse isnt there.
    I am not saying that it is allowed, but at the same time it is not clear in the Quran.
    Let me ask you this and please be patient with me and answer at least this question.
    If this was for men instead of women, as women can marry non mulims in the quran and it is not clear if men can marry non mulims or not. What would be the decision and reaction of muslim men ?
    Please tell me. Do you really and truly think they would make it 100% haram ?
    Yes our Arab and muslim countries are very sexist unfortunately, this is not Islam, Islam is fair and truthful but men are not, sadly.
    When something in the Quran is not clear about women's issues, they make it automatically haram, why is that ?
    I need explanations, as a muslim women living in Arabe muslim countries I feel that I have no rights and that men have the upper hand in every matter in life.
    Maybe God made this isuue about marriage a little ambiguious as a test for males to see how they would treat women, who knows.
    But I truly do not beleive it is haram marriage wise, nobody not a single person have gave any good rasons as to why, they all tell us to just accept it the way it is and not ask why. While God have told us humans to challenge life and understand it deeply, while you people are telling us not to ask the why's.
    Why is that ?

    • Asalaam alaikum,

      You haven't read through this whole post, wherein I showed the verses that correlate with each other regarding marriage and the partners that are allowed. You also have failed to bring about any proof and we all we know that you will fail to. For Muslims hat are supposed to live in the way of the Prophet, this is an apparent hurdle that you will never clear.

      You also haven't studied the issue in-depth, otherwise we wouldn't be going around in this circle of concocted suppositions and anecdotal hyperbole. I'm not sure why you are hinging your argument on what effect it would have on Muslim men if the roles were reversed. You're acting as if there are a lot of pious and reasonable Christian and Jewish women for Muslim men to marry, when the opposite is true. I hate to break it to you, but for a pious Muslim male, his choices of getting what he wants from these two groups in terms of religiousness are not that great even with the allowance of marrying Christian and Jewish females. The most pious Christian females don't even marry and instead become nuns. In general terms, Jewish women get a lot of flack for marrying a Muslim male. And we haven't even talked about irreligious influences. You think the other side is a picnic field? I'm here to tell you that the choices aren't what you make them to be.

      I'm sorry for offending any Christians or Jews, but that has been the overwhelming consensus in my experience of reviewing this issue. It

      For example as to why your questions regarding a reverse scenario are not a valid point, I could sit here and complain about prayer because men don't have menstrual cycles. That has absolutely no bearing on anything. We cannot pull things out of thin air and then argue about them. Who Muslim men are allowed to marry has no bearing on this issue. This is not a Muslim man versus a Muslim woman issue. Once you get past that, understanding that there are certain requirements for men and women in Islam respectively, then you'll be able to understand this issue better.

      • Sorry, I hit send before I finished, so I have to retype again. :(

        Asalaam alaikum,

        You haven't read through this whole post, wherein I showed the verses that correlate with each other regarding marriage and the partners that are allowed, if you think I haven't made the case. You also have failed to bring about any proof and we all we know that you will fail to do so, whereas the logical applications in the above noted verses have shown to do. You'll also fail to bring any hadith or fiqh to support you.

        Of course, you also deny Islamic History on this issue. However, a person with some knowledge would think the circumstances should favor you when the early Muslims migrated and sought shelter in Abyssinia under a Christian King, Aṣḥama ibn Abjar. If there was ever going to be a time within Islam, under persecution and migration, where Muslim women would have been allowed to have freely married Christian husbands, this would have been it. Guess what, though? It didn't happen.

        So for Muslims that are supposed to live in the way of the Prophet, this is an apparent piece of evidence.

        I'm not sure why you are hinging your argument on what effect it would have on Muslim men if the roles were reversed. You're erroneously believe as if there are a lot of pious and reasonable Christian and Jewish women for Muslim men to marry and thereby they have it easy, when the opposite is true. For a pious Muslim male, his choices of getting what he wants from these two groups in terms of religiousness are not that great. The most pious Christian females don't even marry and instead become nuns choosing a celibate life. In general terms, Jewish women get a lot of flack for marrying a Muslim male and are pressured to marry another Jew because for the most part according to their ideology, Jews are born into their faith. And we haven't even talked about religious influences, political differences and the whole non-practicing factor.

        You think the other side is a picnic field? I'm here to tell you that the choices aren't what you make them to be. It's more like a minefield.

        I'm sorry for offending any Christians or Jews, but this is a reality that many pious Muslim men have had to face. It's hard enough to find a non-Muslim bride that brings practical realities of faith consciousness, but then having to mend those two faiths and merge them together takes an extraordinary Christian or Jewish bride. I do know of one brother who was successful at this type of marriage, but guess what? His wife converted to Islam. The other brother I know, was struggling mightily with it and he wasn't exactly getting stellar support from his community. That's what you don't understand or see about this. You think it's a cakewalk, but it's anything but that.

        An example as to why your questions regarding a reverse scenario are not a valid point, I could sit here and complain about praying everyday with no break, because men don't have menstrual cycles. That has absolutely no bearing on anything. We cannot pull things out of thin air and then argue about them. Who Muslim men are allowed to marry has no bearing on this issue. This is not a Muslim man versus a Muslim woman issue. Once you get past that, understanding that there are certain requirements for men and women in Islam respectively, then you'll be able to understand this issue better.

        Also, I'm not telling you to avoid asking why. I'm suggesting to you to read what I have already typed above several months ago, that you've evidently haven't read while debating this issue or its' just that you have glossed over it. All of my points are above and it would be easy for you to read, if you choose to do so.

        Also, your viewpoint is wrong about what Allah (swt) says about what we should do when we are faced with an issue that challenges us. If we have a doubt about the legality of something being halal or haram, we are religiously obliged on a precautionary basis to leave it until we find out otherwise by conferring with the Islamic knowledge that has been around for 1400 years. This is done so that we avoid sinning or going about with a devil-may-care intention. It's like someone putting a foreign meat on your plate and you suspecting that it might be pork. Do you eat it anyways? No. You ascertain where it came from and if it's halal to eat. Islam is fairly simple in this regard.

        Regarding what's going in M.E. countries, I don't dispute what you are saying, but again, you are blaming people and sticking that as part of your point. Even in protest, you are letting men control your beliefs and thought processes of Islam. So how did they take control? You essentially surrender it when it comes to you understanding the better virtues of Islam, because you are letting irreligious men define your perception. It's a very vicious circle you are in and you need to free yourself from it by getting beyond this thinking and understanding Allah (swt) instead.

        Sister, you haven't brought any legitimate proof or counter argument. Living in the West, I can tell you that what you think is a free for all for pious Muslim men just isn't the case. Finding a good, honest, pious, sincere, trustworthy, non-bigoted Muslim wife is incredibly difficult for many brothers here. Never mind the racial prejudices faced by many Muslim men, especially reverts.

        If I'm being honest though, your problem is not based on this issue, but how men in your country are treating women. Due to this, you want to find an alternative to them and think that Christians may be the viable husband alternative. That's a shame, but it's not your "way out."

        Instead, if that is the case, it becomes obligatory on you to migrate to another country to seek your Muslim husband. You're welcome to the West. There's plenty of good Muslim men looking for a bride.

  48. i keep following this discussion and never pass it without trying to understand. i married a man who till now cares for me and my son from previous marriage. i have 2 more lil ones with him. i struggled from time to time by myself. never thought outside the box of marrying a non muslim. did look for partners from muslim background but no one sincere came up. i was with my child a lone parent for 7 years.

    marriage is a partnership and your a team. there are things you do with good intentions and you keep praying for forgiveness and direction. everyone always seemed so much better with there knowledge and ways in islam. i hope allah helps us all find the right path. are you all allowed to pray for us to be closer to allah in action, mind and spirit? most of all forgiveness?

    i feel my instincts tell me although things feel secure and right i still should have more islam and have that as my focus and aim. i believe we come from allah and return back to allah for that its best we all struggle with patience and practice allahs religion in the best possible manner.

    allah all these mistakes and your all forgiving i hope you can forgive all errors at all times as i feel i will stand no chance to be close.

    salaam

  49. Everyone in Islam seem to have this warped idea of what women want and how they want to be treated. People have this idea in their head that all muslim women are helpless and weak and need to do a man's bidding to survive. And sometimes muslim men undermine women and treat them as lessers...why because they have ovaries?! A muslim woman's life in the imams' interpretation of islam is one where she is made to feel inferior every.single.day.
    And of course women aren't like that! Those with a brain and self respect are going to look around them, see the mistreatment muslim men pass on their sisters and are OF COURSE going to choose the alternative; non muslim men, who will respect them and treat them as equals.
    I'm sorry but that's the sad truth.
    I'm a muslim woman and I feel no inclination to marry a muslim man as I have never seen any of them treat a woman with the kindest and respect the Quran asks for.

    I think if you're so agaisnt muslim women marrying non muslims, then start by treating us better, otherwise you'll drive us all away.

    jazakullah

    • Assalam-Alaikum,
      Everybody is responsible for their actions. We all take different decisions in our life which determine our final destination. MashaAllah you seem a strong woman, perhaps raised by a muslim father?
      Your idea of marrying a non-muslim man is stemming from this assumption that islam's rules are interpreted by men and these men interpreted them wrong by saying that muslim women cannot marry non-muslim men.
      I just wanted to point out that in islam women contributed way more than what people perceive. For example, in islam family is an integral part. majority of ahadith about Prophet(s.a.w) life about family are coming from his wives and their understanding of islam. Even Khulafa used to go to Wives of the Prophet(s.a.w.) to ask about different issues. Even prophet Muhammad(s.a.w.) took advice from his wives, even in matters of war, which men are suppose to fight.

      I just wanted to say that if a muslim woman 'marries' a non-muslim man, then she is living a life of lie and she'll be committing zina. After saying this, nobody can stop you from what you want to do, marrying a muslim or non-muslim its your life and your actions. Please go ahead and do what is best for you for this world and hereafter. Please remember the time scales for this wold is INFINITELY small than hereafter.

    • i 101% agree wid u honest Muslim ,,, same story wid me each n everytime i try find nice n decent muslim guy to marry i only find a jerk wore them before one :'( im tired of this .. no one understand .. everyone give women lectures abt Islamic why no one proved to be a good Muslim?? im focusing same problem now days n im so much confuse ...!!! my age is 28 now stil im single :( ppl only ask when i get married when with out finding me a guy or i unable to find anyone nice ... yet

      few days back i met a really nice guy but sad part of my story i came to know he is not Muslim , but my heart never felt anything like anyone like for him in my whole age of 28 ... n now my legs r stopped to do anything

      and one side i think r me going to be single if i give up on him also :'( cox i dont c any hope in my future to get married wid anyone like him ....

      i dont knw what to do ... why life so bad :(

      • It is a hard situation to be in but you are still young. 28 is not old, although your culture may make you feel that way. I think if the years go on and you find yourself still single at age 35, then you have some decisions to make. I have lived my entire life alone and I'm in my 40s, so I am not going to tell you that it is easy, and maybe if I had known that it would feel this isolating I may have made a different choice. I just don't know. A LOT of women convert once they meet Muslim men they are interested in marrying, so I'm not sure why the opposite is not true; I never allowed myself to explore that possibility because I knew there was a bit of a double standard in islamic cultures when it came to gender relations. This might be something for you to think about, if you live in a predominantly non-Muslim society.

        But remember that you are still young and a good-hearted Muslim man may still arrive in your life in the next few years!

        • the thing u r saying r actually v true but 28 age is lot it increase more n more problem create :( in life ... less chances of have baby ... n i do believe Allah give kids to parents but realty is more scary believe me ... our culture dont accept that women who unable to give birth a baby

          everyone have there issue same goes wid me !!! ive health issue as will n it really scary to even i think abt it :( i love kids want my own .. late marriage can course it imposable :(

          sometime situation make everything prefect when u know its not right to do :( but and possibility make it happen :'( im v shameful if i even take a step to marry a non - Muslim guy

          i know Allah will not forgive me :'( even i beg him to for give me :( but the time teaches me lot of things in my life

          • I think being childless is probably the worst part of staying single, but life in General is also hard when you have to take care of yourself + elderly parents! but there's no one to take take care of you!
            But you have lots of time to have a baby, 28 is not old. You have at least 10-12 more years. So keep looking for that nice Muslim husband for now, he might be right around the corner (at least that's what people used to tell me. -- probably to dissuade me from seeking out other options )

          • Salam Maria,

            I understand your predicament. It seems impossible to find a good muslim guy to marry these days. But don't even think about non muslim guys!

            Look no one is perfect, sometimes you just need to improvise. Sometimes we just think too much into things that we make ourselves depressed and desperate. You can't measure a guy to your list of mr right. Just think what you can live with and what you definitly can't live with.

            Since you are getting married for the first time, you only have to think about yourself. So when you meet potentials just check then out to see if you can live with them and that they do not posses any character or behavoiur which you absolutely cannot tolerate. As long as they are somewhat decent and pius, then you can do Ishtikara and go ahead. If he has some flaws you may be able to change him after marriage. You can work together to compromise. Sometimes people change after marriage and become better individuals.

            You just have to be firm when he does something you don't like and not allow yourself to be a doormat. No matter what age you are there is always someone out there, you just have to be prepared to put in the hard work to make him into a decent husband. And if worse comes to worse and your life is unbearable after marriage there is always divorce! So its not the end of the world.

          • Not all scars show,
            not all wounds heal....

      • Assalam alaikum Maria,

        I pray that inn shaa Allah you find a pious Islamic husband--in fact, for all my sisters in Islam out there, Ameen.

        I agree with Concerned in that Muslim women have a huge role in history that we may not be aware of from Hazrat Khadija RA in her support of her husand, our beloved Prophet, to Hazrat Aisha RA whose advice was often sought because of how learned she was, to (also) Khawlah bint al-Azwar who fought during some wars. I never heard much about their roles growing up, but I do believe that it is our responsibilty to delve into finding out the role of women in Islam before any particular culture hijacks the true essence of Islam.

        Of course marriage is difficult and no one wants to marry someone who belittles them or doesn't treat them in a fair and equal manner--but that doesn't mean that all successful marriages start off perfectly with every issue ironed out perfectly. The imperfections in the marriage can lead to a perfect balance as husband and wife figure out how to juggle and make things work.

        I would suggest that you find what are the things you can't compromise on and then what things you can work on--but be careful of expecting perfection--that is something we can aim for, but not possess.

        I do believe that we, as women, have to accept that in some matters we are just different from men, and if we are not allowed to marry a non-Muslim, we should accept it. Inn shaa Allah, there is good in it for us. And even if there are exceptions, we have to be careful to make those exceptions the new rule.

        May Allah grant the single Muslims pious spouses, Ameen.

        • if it was that easy that we compare our past Muslims women for today women we cant cox its not possible

          i love my past women of Islamic women's im nothing in front of them ...

          but its a scary n hard reality we are living today

          live as a single is really hard like forever and wait for a even not prefect but even for a good husband its like killing ur self

          • Assalam alaikum Sister,

            I know it isn't easy at all--I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth and I have had to work from a very young age. I am aware of your feelings--but I want you to know that despite our challenges, we still have a responsibility towards ourselves because we are here with the purpose to worship Allah swt--and shaitaan will relentlessly make us feel hopeless.

            I pray that Allah eases your difficulties and makes your successful in your trials, inn shaa Allah.

  50. I've been following this discussion on an off and I have found it very helpful to consider every parties' opinions.
    Thank you to everyone who has contributed to swaying me back and forth before reaching a conclusion in this mental and spiritual battle that so many of us fight.
    I think this is a vital topic in our day and age when the world is becoming smaller. With more and more expatriates and mutilinguists, it is inevitable that we meet more and more people from outside the fold and this is a blessing.

    I have been married twice before, once to an English-born Muslim and once to a French Muslim who converted a decade before he'd met me. Both marriages were short lived for different reasons, which are not relevant to this conversation.
    However, it has been five years now since my last divorce and as you can imagine, I am terrified of marriage. I have met an amazing non-Muslim man who is tolerant and kind. He displays more solid values than any Muslim man I have ever met.
    He is converting out of respect for my family and supports the idea of bringing our children up as Muslims then allowing them to decide for themselves when they are older as we both have.

    I won't impose Islam on him but I won't stop myself from practicing it either and anyone who wants to judge that can, but Allah is the best of judges.
    'honest Muslim' your comments have touched cords in me.... Thank you.

  51. Assalamu Alaikum

    Wael, I have read part of the question and answer of this page, and some of your discussions in the comments section as time allowed me to. Thank you for your posts; they are very educational even though I'm a (young) Muslim. I think you are doing an excellent job in providing clarification especially on contemporary questions and concerns Muslims and Non-muslims have. I hope you continue to do so in this manner. Thanks

  52. sir my question is that i want to know i am in love with a christian boy plz will u tell me in the lite of quran is it rite r wrong i want a detail answer

    • irumfiaz, if you are Muslim then it is absolutely forbidden to marry a non-Muslim man. We have answered many questions on this subject, please search our website.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  53. I am a Christian and I live in England, and fell in love with a muslim woman. she lives in Morocco and she says that she could get me a job there teaching English. if I converted to Islam and her family agreed with our marriage, would it be possible for us to marry? she lives with her parents and she is now inviting me to move to Morocco and live together with her and her family. would that be legal? I don't mind converting to Islam as I love her so much. she is everything to me. I don't care if I have to embrace a new religion. afterall islam and Christianity have a lot in common. I would be grateful with an answer. Hugo

    • Hugo, take a look at this previous post we published:

      Christian American man marrying a Tunisian Muslim woman; is it possible?

      In particular look through the comments and note Rossco's comment and my response. The only thing I would say different in your case is that living with her family is not a great idea. You will feel crowded and scrutinized. A newly married couple needs privacy. If you do convert to Islam and marry her, get your own place for the two of you (if you can afford it).

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  54. as salaam aliekum wa rahmatullah

    Subhan'allah, what is really frightening is that reading most of the comments at least 80% I didn't find any with any evidence from the quran and the sunnah. This is really frightening and scary.

    When any Islamic question is asked then it should be answered with the appropriate and correct evidence to proof the point from the quran, sunnah or from the rightly guided leaders of the ummah. Namely Abu Bakr, Umar, uthman or Ali, peace be upon them all. The evidence is here, Narrated Irbad ibn Sariyah:
    AbdurRahman ibn Amr as-Sulami and Hujr ibn Hujr said: We came to Irbad ibn Sariyah who was among those about whom the following verse was revealed: "Nor (is there blame) on those who come to thee to be provided with mounts, and when thou saidst: "I can find no mounts for you."
    We greeted him and said: We have come to see you to give healing and obtain benefit from you.
    Al-Irbad said: One day the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) led us in prayer, then faced us and gave us a lengthy exhortation at which the eyes shed tears and the hearts were afraid.
    A man said: Apostle of Allah! It seems as if it were a farewell exhortation, so what injunction do you give us?
    He then said: I enjoin you to fear Allah, and to hear and obey even if it be an Abyssinian slave, for those of you who live after me will see great disagreement. You must then follow my sunnah and that of the rightly-guided caliphs. Hold to it and stick fast to it. Avoid novelties, for every novelty is an innovation, and every innovation is an error.

    So years ago when this thread started the original question was batil, false. The questioner asked about a hypothetical situation, so according to a statement of Umar (Allah have mercy on him) he asked a person who came to him with a question as this happened and the person said no, then he said well when it does come back and I will consult with the sahabah.

    Furthermore, this is Islam 101. You cannot marry a non Muslim because the of the following:

    Praise be to Allaah.

    It is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a kaafir, and the marriage is not valid.

    Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al‑Mushrikoon[polytheists] till they believe (in Allaah Alone)”

    [al-Baqarah 2:221]

    “O you who believe! When believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them; Allaah knows best as to their Faith, then if you ascertain that they are true believers send them not back to the disbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them”

    [al-Mutahanah 60:10].
    Sunan Abu Dawood

    The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience to the Creator.”

    This marriage is regarded as invalid, and intercourse with him is zina (fornication, adultery).

    May Allah guide us all to understand and implement what we know of our religion. May Allah increase all those who read this with knowledge and understanding. Ameen

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