Can a Muslim woman marry a non-Muslim man if she controls the family?
A marriage should not be a dictatorship by either party. The Islamic marriage is a partnership in which each member has a role to play.
QUESTION:
Dear Wael,
Alsalam, I'd like to start by thanking you for your time and consideration for my question. My question is as following - i truly much hope you can guide me and answer my concerns:
Part 1: Is it allowed in Islam for a Muslim woman to marry a Christian man? If the non-Muslim man acknowledges the Prophet Mohammed (asws) as the final prophet and Islam as the last completing religion, and prophet Issa (asws) is Allah's messenger and not his son, is that enough without the need to convert to Islam? If the Muslim woman has the sole control of raising and directing the family?
Part 2: If the non-Muslim man converts, how would he deal with his non-Muslim family, parents and relatives? What if he has kids from a former marriage who are Christians as well - how would he deal with them? how would these kids fit with his Muslim kids?
Please advise - jazak Allah (swt) khairan.
- Diljah from Canada
WAEL'S ANSWER:
Dear Diljah, Wa alaykum as salamu wa rahmatullah,
1. It is not allowed for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man. Period. That is Allah's decree, not mine.
2. In what family does the woman have the sole control and direction of the family? That is not realistic.
3. If the man converts to Islam, he would deal with his non-Muslim family the same as always, as his family. They are still his family and his loved ones. His relationship with them should not change and in fact he should become even closer with them, since Islam values the family ties very highly. If his non-Muslim children live with them, they can continue to do so. If they are older and they choose not to accept Islam, that is their right, and does not have to affect the Muslim children in the family or their practice of Islam.
4. And as I mentioned in my comments below, if the woman does indeed have sole control and direction over the family, then that is not a healthy, functional family. A marriage is a cooperative in which the husband and wife both have unique functions, and work together at the same time. No single partner should have total control over the family.
5. In fact,. a family in which the man has sole control and direction of the family is also unhealthy. The whole point of the marriage is that it is a partnership. Each partner has a unique role to play. The woman is not just a machine for cleaning and making babies. She has an intellect, a spirit and a heart. Those qualities were given to her by Allah, who intended her to use them.
In Islam each partner has a role to play. In a way you could say that the man is the head, while the woman is the heart. Each is necessary for the family's survival. But the head must consult the heart, and the heart must consult the head. They work together.
And Allah knows best.
If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, feel free to post your comments below.
"(O Allah), Guide us to the straight path; The path of those whom you have favored; Not those with whom you are angry; Nor those who go astray."
Best regards,
Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Editor
IslamicAnswers.com. Islamic Marriage and Family Advice
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"In what family does the woman have the sole control and direction of the family? That is not realistic."
I will answer your question. In the family that this muslima is leading and seeking advice for.
Allah also allows "unrealistic" circumstances to exist, and invites his followers to overcome them.
Rejecting her own reality (one with a dominant female guardian), with the justification that in the past you have not encountered these kind of families, is not going to help her very well. You need to accept her premise first before giving advice, unless you are willing to believe that she is lying. In this case, your advice will not be accepted by her in any event.
If you did accept her premise first, you would first realise that when the scriptures do not allow a muslim woman to marry a non-muslim, it is because in normal circumstances this would be detrimental to either the education of the children or the stability of the marriage. But there are also circumstances that are not normal!
By the simple act of seeking advice from you, this muslima has already proven her allegiance to allah and her intelligence to make wise decisions more than the majority of muslim woman that are married to muslims will ever exhibit.
Once the consensus interpretation on the reasons behind the texts do not apply to a specific case, in my opinion it is a muslims duty to apply his own interpretation according to the situation he is confronted with.
She already described that there appear to be few differences in opinion on Allah's messenger, Islam and the prophet Issa between herself and her possible husband. But she also hinted that it will be difficult for the man to convert, so if he does, it will likely be for the wrong reasons.
Even if marriage is then permissible, how did it improve the security of the marriage or the education of the children, if he is not a strong believer?
Allah indeed knows best, and he is guiding a truely believing muslim in all his decisions.
Just as you, Wael, I am no scholar but believe having more than one perspective is helpful when discussing difficult problems. I hope I was able to add value to the discussion.
Assalamualaikum.
Mo is right, Wael. You were quite guilty of 'closing off your mind from new information and experiences', simply because you haven't encountered this particular one before.You could at the very least have asked Diljah to elaborate on what she meant before passing judgement. You may well be able to prove it is unrealistic, but it is the questioner who needs to understand, not you.
In addition, (I add this because there was such a lack of humility in your response when you had been advised and because you are in a position of relative power) you are in no position to decide what is and what is not someone else's reality or to belittle their perpective on things and it is better to keep silent than to argue in your own defense when you have taken little trouble to ponder whether the advice you were given had any basis.
I hope at least Diljah will accept what you were curteous enough to respond to and I hope you'll take on board what Mo has said, in an effort not to push away a whole array of people who are hoping to learn about the Islamic rulings on their own very particular cases. It will be a test of your intentions if you are able.
Wasalam.
Wa alaykum as-salam Khadijah. Thank you for your comment. However, I don't believe I belittled anyone. I stated my viewpoint, and you may notice that several people agreed with me. I just re-read the entire discussion and I stand by my earlier comments. And Allah knows best.
If you have sincerely considered your viewpoint then by all means stick to it if you think it is correct and how the Prophet saw. would have responded. I only argue that your disregard as 'unrealistic' of (one of, not all of) Diljah's concerns was insensitive by normal standards, let alone the much higher standards Islam teaches us. I hope you will realise at some point what was so repellent about your stance.
Thank you for listening.
Wasalaam.
Assalam alaikum...
I was married, had a son, became Muslim alhamdiallah while being divorced for ten years, then remarried my son's father, who was Christian. I was definately the dominant one, however I may have disliked it and wished my husband would have taken the lead. He refused.
I am so far from a perfect Muslim I don't know where to begin. Insha'Allah I will die as a Muslimah though, much more on my deen. Here's the dilemma, which I never thought would be possible, as I am so young...
Yesterday my husband died. So what do I do with his body? As a Muslim, the first question asked is why did you marry a Christain. Well, because I had his baby and my love never died. Of course I would love for him to become Muslim, now it is too late. I have guilt to live with now. If I would've given more dawah, if I would've been more kind, more patient, the list goes on an on. Everyone looking in, especially from his family sees how I was a good wife. Not I.
As a Muslim, if I go to the mosque, I'm not in a recognized marriage. I walked down the aisle of a church. In the church, they want to know why they should help me with the funeral and why the mosque won't.
The final thing is... We have to learn to embrace and love each other and leave the judging up to Allah (swt). I am not a bad Muslim. My children aren't confused, and we all pray together. He may have been lonely though, just another guilt trip to deal with. We must remember death is always at hand and what will we answer to Allah if we die right at that moment.
Masalama
Mariam, I am sorry for your loss. May Allah ease your heart and comfort you and your children.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Ameen.
Dear Mariam,
I feel for you. May Allah heal your heart and replace your loss with something that will bring you closer to Him(swt), Aameen.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Sorry Mo, I don't agree. I don't need to accept her premise before replying, because I don't believe that her premise reflects reality, including her own reality. Nor do I think she is lying. She did not actually state that she controls the family. She is asking a "What if" And the thing about "what ifs" is that often people are grasping at straws, seeking some loophole that will allow them to follow their own desires rather than what Allah has legislated.
When Allah legislates, He does so for all humanity. One does not say, for example, "It's difficult for me to get married right now, so in my case it's okay to have pre-marital sex." You don't get to create your own exceptions to the laws that Allah has set for us. Flexibility lies not in violating the Shari'ah, but within the Shari'ah itself. Our task is to recognize that Islam itself, as written, has a lot of flexibility built in, and then to find a way to realize our dreams without stepping outside the boundaries.
There is another issue. The sister asks, "If the Muslim woman has the sole control of raising and directing the family?" Well, if that is indeed the case then that is not a healthy, functional family. A marriage is a cooperative in which the husband and wife both have unique functions, and work together at the same time. No single partner should have total control over the family.
You (Mo) suggested that Allah allows "unrealistic circumstances" and that we should "overcome" them. Yes, absolutely, but we overcome them through Allah's guidance, by returning to the principles that He has given us in the Quran, and the teachings of the Messenger (pbuh). If we try to overcome our challenges by departing from what Allah has given us, then we are not practicing Islam, which is submission to Allah's will, and we will inevitably create other more serious problems in the process.
Wael, I agree with you 100% and your responses are very accurate and precise. I couldn't do a better job in responding. I noticed people are jumping the gun and not being careful with what they read. They read between the lines and your read the line with every letter pronounced. Great job and keep it up.
Jazak Allah khayr brother, thanks for your comments.
I will never agree with you Wael. If you say that the family in which one partner has sole control of directing the family, is not a healthy and functional family, why are you so ready to accept man as the sole controller of the family. In this case, practically all muslim families where the man dominates decisions in the house qualify to be labelled as unhealthy and non functional according to rules of Islam. I come from a Muslim family where decisions have always been dominated by the lady of the house because the man was not decisive enough to make difficult decisions. I as a child still have the same values, humility and faith that a muslim is expected to have. So will you call me a non believer? Certainly not!
Hello Shireen, As-salamu alaykum. You should never say never. Because then you are closing off your mind from new information and experiences.
First of all, no one is calling anyone a non-believer. This is not a matter of belief or unbelief. We are just talking about what dynamic is appropriate and healthy in a family. We are all still Muslims Alhamdulillah.
Actually, you may be surprised but the answer is yes, I would say that a family in which the man has sole control and direction of the family is unhealthy. As I said before, the whole point of the marriage is that it is a partnership. Each partner has a unique role to play. The woman is not just a machine for cleaning and making babies. She has an intellect, a spirit and a heart. Those qualities were given to her by Allah, who intended her to use them.
In Islam each partner has a role to play. In a way you could say that the man is the head, while the woman is the heart. Each is necessary for the family's survival. But the head must consult the heart, and the heart must consult the head. They work together.
Of course there will always be families that don't follow this formula exactly. But this is the ideal.
Yes, it is unhealthy! If one partner is in sole control, it feels unnatural. There must be balance. I always wished my late husband would have stepped up to the plate and ran his home. We had severe arguments about his indifference. Perhaps that was Allah giving me control in order to maintain my deen and the deen of my children.
Go to an Imam and ask a Muslim scholar, don't come on this site to get an ultimate answer. But Muslim women are not allowed to marry non-muslim men fullstop.
But talk to an Imam, and don't try to run away from Islamic facts when they come to you, because you'll probably have to pay for it later by running away from them!
What goes up must come down - A description of justice.
Asalam Wa'alaykum. I'm a Muslim girl wanting to marry a man who converted to Islam. Not for me but because he accepts the faith and truly believes in Allah (swt) and prophet Muhammad (pbuh). I pray, fast, and love being muslim. Insh'Allah when I have the funds I would like to go to Hajj and give Zakkat. However, my family objects to me marrying him because they don't think he's Muslim because he wasn't born Muslim. At first they said ok, but when people frowned upon it they started saying no giving the reason stated above. We plan on raising kids muslim. My parents are objecting;however, I believe that their objection is unislamic. For the fact that he is a practicing Muslim. The males in my family including my father spit in my face and many arguments have araised from this. What is your opinion in this matter?
Sister AB, you should log in and write this as a post, rather than commenting on a different question.
Asalamu Alaykum. Sister AB, it sounds like you have a head on your shoulders, Alhamdu Lillah. A Muslim is a Muslim no matter when, where, or how it occurred. Sometimes we as Muslims do many unislamic things in the name of culture (3adat wa takalead), which in a way makes us not true followers. If we choose to do for the name of ways and not Sharia, then what makes us better then this Muslim convert. I believe that Allah (swt) and his prophet (pbuh) did not restrict what kind of Muslim should marry which kind or if a convert is only good for a convert. If we look back at the time of the prophet (pbuh) all his companions were converts and so were his wife's, maybe you should bring these points up to your family. The most important things you should be concerned with are, is he really a true believer who practices or just another non-Muslim who converted to work with loopholes to marry someone they love or whatever. If that is the case then there is issues. We only fool ourselves and no one can fool Allah. You would know the answers to all this within you and if you love this person and feel he is true to Islam and its ways, then try to research and get Fatwa in this matter to help you in convincing your family or even to educate them. I agree with you and your family's actions are not correct or Islamic according to what you disclosed. I know a non-Muslim who converted and is getting married to a Muslima from Saudi Arabia, who would ever think this would happen, but this is Islamic and Sharia allows this to happen. As a matter of fact, her family flew here to the US and meet with this brother. Don't feel bad, many times Muslims don't agree about a good Muslim who practices to the T just because he is from a different Muslim country or even from a different town within the same country. We need to educate ourselves and our elders in the true ways of Islam and Sharia. I ask Allah to enlighten us all with His Knowledge.
salaam aleikum ab. if i may be allowed to give my take on your situation, id say youre in a bit of a predicament. and i certainly hope wael wouldnt mind.
once a man or a woman reverts ,he or she is muslim. period. and that means he can seek a muslimahs hand in marriage.
but if my information about islam and its application of rules on marital issues is correct, the absence of consent of the parents may make the marriage null. but on the other hand, it is the bride upon whom lies the ultimate decision to marry whoever she wishes to marry ( provided he is muslim)
islam is balance. if you consent on marrying that brother, i see no problem with it islamically.
however, it is important to have the congruece of all your consents regarding the matter. islam isnt simply about justifying an end through one means, but all available means.
may ALLAH make things easy for you and may HE make you successful.
Salam alaikum Brother Wael,
It seems some people have gotten overly emotional and forgot the questions were hypothetical.
I dont see anything wrong with your responses and I really appreciate a Muslim brother that believes a marriage is a partnership not a one-sided dictatorship led by either the husband OR wife. If only it could be written or shown somewhere...oh yeah its in the Quran!
2:228 "... ; but, in accordance with justice, the rights of the wives [with regard to their husbands] are equal to the [husbands'] rights with regard to them, although men have precedence over them [in this respect]. [216] And God is almighty, wise.
and "in this respect" the note 216 refers to in the case of divorce:
Note 216 (Quran Ref: 2:228 )
A divorced wife has the right to refuse a resumption of marital relations even if the husband expresses, before the expiry of the waiting-period, his willingness to have the provisional divorce rescinded; but since it is the husband who is responsible for the maintenance of the family, the first option to rescind a provisional divorce rests with him(Quran Ref: 2:228 )
No one is forced to be with anyone that is unfair or treats them unkindly. Down with the dictatorships!!!!!!
salam every one i waana know that if a muslima decides to marry a non muslim what is the marriage called? its invalid ? or its the same as that of illegal sexual relations?........
and would it be subjected to punishments of any kind? please answer me if i am living in a islamic land as well as non islamic
tehreem, you are asking for fatwa or islamic legal ruling, and this is not the right place for that. this is just an advice website. we are not scholars and we don't give legal rulings.
Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim
Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah
Tehreem, a marriage of a Muslim woman to a non-Muslim is invalid from the beginning; it is considered the same as fornication.
As far as punishments from government authorities, this would differ from country to country. Of course, in a country such as Saudi Arabia, they are very strict about the relations between men and women and if found out, the parties would be subject to the hadd punishment, which would involve physical punishment such as whipping, and probably jail time or more. In a country that does not rule according to Islam at all, you may be "free" to do as you wish. None of this changes the fact that this is a haraam act in the sight of Allah. Allah is Most Merciful, but He also is just, and He may choose to punish the parties in this world and / or the next if they do not repent from their actions.
My advice for any woman who is approaching this type of situation is to step back, cut all relations with the non-Muslim man, repent from any forbidden action, and take time to learn about Islam so that she will understand the gravity of such a mistake. This life is short and is a test for the afterlife; the decisions that we make now will follow us all the way to the Day of Judgment. Giving up someone you "love" for the sake of Allah will garner you a great reward with Allah, and He will bless you by forgiving your sin and helping you to stay on the Straight Path.
Fi Aman Allah,
Noorah
jazakAllah guys for the answer...especial thank o noorah
this is alll i wanted to know.!
Ok- here may be the most important part- what about the whole Muslim thing? And this may be the deal maker/breaker right here. I am NOT willing to convert to Islam. Give me a minute and I will explain in more detail. I am willing to make just about every sacrifice for you that you want me to make with the exception of sacrificing my soul, my values, my beliefs. I've done it once before, it's the worst thing a person can do to themselves. All you have is your soul, your values- if you sacrifice these you lose yourself. I am an honest person above all, I care deeply and genuinely for people and do the right things in this life. I remember looking Ilham's parents in the eye and telling them that I am Muslim in my heart, pretending to pray, pretending to have a real connection with Islam. It was wrong, it ate at my soul, and in the end probably only hurt them more. I will not do the same to your parents. I am who I am- I am no more Catholic than I am Muslim or Jewish. I have my values, my principles, my dignity and my honor. I accept all people and their faiths and never judge. I expect the same of others. If you accept me like this, accept the fact that I respect you, your religion but am not going to pretend that I feel the same about it, well than Annie we can take this relationship to the next level. I have no problem respecting your requests such as not drinking alcohol, eating pork, etc. These are merely changes in lifestyle that I would be happy to do for you. And I would respect your choice to practice Islam, to follow your beliefs as long as it makes you happy.
But maybe I am the dreamer here- like you said in your last email. Maybe I am crazy to believe that we could have a relationship like that- where I am non-denominational and you are a devout Muslim. Maybe we are both dreamers. But I don't think so. And the reason is this. In the end, when we all die, none of this matters anyway. All that matters is what we do here while we are living. And as long as God, Allah, Jesus or whomever is looking over us gives me the opportunity to live this life, I'm going to do everything that makes me happy. Remember, I don't follow rules that I don't agree with. Lucky for you otherwise I wouldn't be able to date a Muslim girl
i do not know what to do...
i m lost in my own thinking
i want to be selfish and live in the present and be with him because he makes me happy... but i think about afterlife i think about hell heaven allah and my family...
i know if i force him he will convert to islam maybe not for the right reasons.. but at least that way my marriage will be valid but the i know who excatly am i kidding Allah knwos everything.. he knwos whats in our heart...
why cant this be simple ..
converting to islam... even if she converst my family will never accpet him...
its i can not live with him nor i can not live without him...
Jamila, I'm trying to understand your comments. My impression is that the first comment was made by your boyfriend/fiance, and the second one by you. Is that right?
Since you are not the original questioner, I suggest you log in and submit your question as a draft, rather than try to add a new question in the comments. I'll give you some time to do that, then I'll delete your comments.
Assalamou Alaikoum wa rahmatoullah.
(I would like to apologize mistakes i might have in writing english. English is not my first or second language)
Dear sisters and brothers in islam, i would like to highlight that this question is becoming a big issue in Europe these days. The muslim brothers marries quite often a non-muslim woman and there is an unbalance in how many muslim sister that are not married in Europe (especially France, UK, Belgium and the Netherlands). So many sisters just gave up waiting for a muslim man to show up and ask for their hand! This resulted in Ijtihad from many schoolars. Dr. Hassan Al Turabi also discussed this issue. Please have a look on this article: http://www.le-sri.com/mm_Turabi.htm . Use Google translate if you do not understand french. In this article he discuss the possible marriage of muslim women with non-muslim men as long as they are from Ahl al kitab (people of the book).
There is also not mentioned in the Qur'an that the woman is not allowed to marry a non-muslim man.
The mixte marriage is mentioned in Sourat Al Moumtahanah, Sourat Al Bakara, Sourat Al Ma'ida. Have a look on these souras and read carefully and try to read the Tafsir to get a better understanding.
You can also read what following Shaikhs mentioned about this: Khalid Mohamed, Soeib Bencheikh and Hassan Al Tourabi.
Wa Allahou a'alamou minna jami'an.
Wa'ssalamou alaikoum wa rahmatoullah.
i agree with Sara. Where is in the AL-Quran stating that non-muslim has to convert to Islam in order to marry a muslim?In which Surah and ayat? i thought all religions has to be fair when it comes to love and marriage. there are no force in it and surely you can't force people to become a muslim without their own will. We have to respects other religion as well. You can't simply say that we as muslims women are forbidden to fall in love with non-muslim men just because we're not sure they will convert or not.
please help to answer my question above. thanks.
At missy confused lady,
To answer a couple of your above questions,
"Where is in the AL-Quran stating that non-muslim has to convert to Islam in order to marry a muslim"
Your right Nowhere in the quran does it say a non-muslim has to convert to islam in oder to marry a muslim, as we dont convert to islam 'in order' to marry someone, we convert for the love of Allah & his beloved prophet (p.b.u.h),
"i thought all religions has to be fair when it comes to love and marriage"
I cant quote on any other religion, buh i assure you in islam you do have to be 'fair' in Love & Marriage,
If your Married and are in love with your husband/wife that is,
"there are no force in it and surely you can't force people to become a muslim without their own will"
Islam certainly disagree's with forced marriages, and yes thats islam's point exactly, why force someone to become a muslim without their will ? whats the point of that ??
"You can't simply say that we as muslims women are forbidden to fall in love with non-muslim men just because we're not sure they will convert or not"
To answer your first comment, we Can simply say muslim women are forbidden to fall in love with a non-muslim man, as thats what our religion teaches us, as in islam it's forbidden to fall in love out of wedlock full stop, so for him to be your husband, he obviously has to become a muslim, so the question "You can't simply say that we as muslim women are forbidden to fall in love with non-muslim men" shouldnt even really arise, because it's haram anyway.
"just because we're not sure they will convert or not"
A true muslim wont even let herself fall in love with a non-muslim, so she wont need to worry about 'not being sure if he's gonna convert or not'
To be honest all your answer's are already answered in your 'questions' all you have to do is actually understand them.
I dont say this Islam does, everyone is entitled to a opinion, however if your a true muslim and have faith in Allah (swt) then you dont really need to ask questions, like youv asked above.
x
@ confused lady and Sarah
Surat al baqarah it clearly states you CANNOT marry a non muslim man.
"Do not marry unbelieving women until they believe: a slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman. Even though she allure you. Nor marry (your girls) to Unbelievers until they believe: a slave man who believes is better than an Unbeliever even though he allure you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of Bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: that they may receive admonition"
Better translation:
"And do not marry the idolatresses till they believe (worship Allah Alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) idolatress, even though she pleases you. And give not (your daughters) in marriage to the polytheists till they believe (in Allah Alone) and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) idolater, even though he pleases you. Those (polytheists) invite you to the Fire, but Allah invites (you) to Paradise and Forgiveness by His Leave, and makes His Signs clear to humankind that they may remember." (2:221)
It has dawned on me that a site like this ought to have proper islamic counseling or the editors should refer to fatwas because its islamic answers, is it not?
In anycase many come here to ask and to be advised and many may assume that any of the answers here is the correct one that suits their needs , much like a buffet and this is very dangerous.
Assalam O Alaikum sister "I submit to Allah",
Jazak Allah for you time sister. One thing I wanted to make clear is that we don't actually give out fatwas as this is common sense advice forum where brothers and sisters are advised in the light of Quran, Sunnah of our beloved Prophet (PBUH) and Hadith. However, we sometimes do provide fatwas from other scholars depending upon the situation at hand. Another point is that we don't tell people to stick with what we say, instead we provide them with the best options available in that particular situation so that, they can decide for themselves. It has nothing to do with; "whether it suits their needs or not". We don't go against the teachings of Quran and the Sunnah and Hadith of Holy Prophet (PBUH) to make it "suitable for them" and also we don't stress/force someone to follow our advice as we understand that we are humans and we could be wrong as well. In many cases where we think that we don't have much knowledge or the issue in hand is more related to Fiqh; we advise the questioner to seek the advice of a knowledged person in Fiqh i-e; complicated divorce cases.
I hope it helped you to understand Insha Allah.
Wasalam,
Your brother in Islam,
Muhammad1982.
Editor, IslamicAnswers.com
Salaam dearest sister,
In response to question number 1 - A Muslim woman is not allowed to marry a Muslim man under any circumstances, including the circumstance of her position in the family and the circumstance of the non-Muslim male being understanding and accepting of the faith.
In response to question number 2 - this all depends on each individual and how they personally deal with differences of faith amongst themselves and the world around them at large. There are some people who just cannot manage difference and some people who are very good at it - being a Muslim does not mean being a completely different person, your brother is your brother still, our mother your mother still and your child remains your child. How you manage the differences of faith within these relationships is up to the individual. My recommendation in this instance is to communicate with all whom are close to you with love and peace, live by example and treat people how you expect to be treated yourself and inshAllah this should prevent many of the problems that may arise.
Peace,
L
Open:
I agree with you 101%. " God is very forgiving and merciful and I think that God would rather have all his children get along than to argue over the little things and follow every letter of the book. " This is about love and unity. I'm a non-Muslim male and I plan to marry a Muslim woman. I plan to have as many children as possible and work things out and live happily ever after.. But most Muslim people here are bias. When it comes to love, there is no rules. Besides, I read the Quran, it doesnt prohibit the Muslim woman marrying a Non -Muslim man as long as the man provide support to the wife and the whole family.. We are all created by one God(Allah). I believe only in One God. My Muslim wife can keep her Islam faith and and my kids can practice Islam because it is the same God that I believes in. Peace to you all my Earth brothers and sisters.
What does it mean to convert 100% to Islam. what would one have to do to be considered a Muslim if they where born to a christian family. and i would like to know if a born christian male converts to Islam in the proper way would he then be able to marry a Muslim women in the eyes of ALLAH( swt).... in regards to the above question... i think that's it's possible for the 2 to get along and raise their children Islam...but is it accepted in Islam to be valid. someone please answer my question..Thank you salam!
"Lia Yaya", what is required to convert to Islam is to say, with faith in your heart, "I bear witness that there is no god but Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah." After that, there are acts of worship that a Muslim should perform, such as the daily prayers, fasting in Ramadan, paying Zakat to the poor, going to Hajj once in a lifetime, etc. These can be learned step by step, at your own pace.
If a Christian man converts to Islam then yes, in the eyes of Allah, he can marry a Muslim woman.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
hey'
This is a very sensitive topic and people who want to marry a non muslim, I find them very naive and faithless.
It's okay to ask about something but then counter questioning and the questions that don't even make any sense. IT"S ClEAR THAT ISLAM PROHIBITS THIS KIND OF MARRIAGE = HARAM
Even if they convert to Islam to marry you, I believe that it is still prohibited as Faith can't be forced on anyone.
NOW after knowing this you still do what you wish to then you'r marriage wont be accepted in eyes of Allah and it'll be equal to zana but doing it every day.
What does love do??? IT kill's the sixth sense, Also known as temporary insanity. People kill themself in love. Why?? because its insanity
That's why stay away from that person, We might seem ignorant but trust me we are your best friends and you'll realise it later
@Talha Sheikh - "People kill themself in love. Why?? because its insanity"
People also kill themselves due to their religious beliefs. That's also insanity. Extremist views such as those stated above are insanity. You should ask "What does religion do?" It kills independent thinking and free thought and will. It requires total mental submission.
"people who want to marry a non muslim, I find them very naive and faithless"
I am an ex-Muslim woman living in a Western country. I am going to marry an ex-Catholic man. I have decided that Islam is not for me, and when I see comments such as those above, my decision is 100% confirmed. I am not naive or faithless. I have faith in my own decisions. I won't let some book or a bunch of old men dictate to me what is right and what is wrong. They have no idea about me or my life.
People that need a book or Iman to tell them what is right or wrong, in my opinion, have a weak moral compass. Here's an idea - how about we use common sense when answering such questions, instead of always referring to a book?
Dee,
I think you are confused about Islam, and uneducated in Islamic teaching. Case in point: you don't know the difference between "iman" and "Imam". This is such a simple, basic thing that anyone who has even a minimum Islamic education would know. In fact, I have only met a handful of people in my life who left Islam, but in every case they were people who had never received any Islamic education, so their ideas of Islam were based on misinformation, anti-Islamic propaganda, and what they had seen of bad cultural practices that have nothing to do with Islam.
People do not kill themselves due to religious beliefs. Islam specifically forbids suicide, in fact it is considered a major sin. See my article about suicide.
You say that religion kills independent thinking and free thought. You could not be more wrong. The first words of the Quran that were revealed were, "Read, in the name of your Lord who created..." From the very beginning Allah tells us to educate ourselves. He tells us over and over in the Quran to observe the signs of nature around us, and to think. That's why during the golden age of Islam the Muslim world flourished with universities, mathematics, logic, astronomy, medicine... Scholars used to come from all over Europe to study at the Islamic universities of Andalusia. It was not until people stopped practicing true Islam that the Muslim world went into decline and fell to the hands of the colonialists.
On the other hand, I have seen first hand what the "independent thinking and free will" of the West has wrought. In London I was shocked to see pornography being openly sold at streetside stands. In the USA it sometimes seems that half the people I meet have problems with alcohol, or domestic violence, or teen pregnancy. If that's independent thinking, you can keep it. On the other hand, among the Muslims I know in my town, the great majority have stable jobs and happy families.
On a broader scale, here in the USA, the government lied to the people to justify the invasion of Iraq, telling them that the Iraqis had weapons of mass destruction. They claimed also (you can look it up) that Iraq had imported 500 tons of uranium from Africa to build nuclear bombs. They tried to fool the people into believing there was a connection between Iraq and 9-11. And like sheep, the people believed them, and supported the invasion, all based on lies and misinformation. That's independent thinking and free will?
Economically, millions of Americans are losing their homes to foreclosure as a result of a system of loans and interest that spiraled out of control. Hmm, maybe the Quranic injunction against interest doesn't sound so bad now? In fact Islamic banking is the fastest-growing banking sector in the West.
They say that a large percentage of the American public believes that President Obama is secretly Muslim, or that he is not an American citizen, or that he is a communist, or that he is plotting to destroy the country. There's your independent thinking again.
I'm not anti-American or dismissive of American values. I am American. In fact I just watched a video by a female American pastor (a Christian) who gave an inspiring speech defending Islam, and defending the values of American tolerance. I deeply appreciate the rights enshrined in the constitution, such as freedom of speech and religion.
But I do think that the Western version of "independent thinking" as you call it has led to the inexorable decay of morality. Families are falling apart, substance abuse is out of control, obesity is taking over... the system of non-religious free thinking has proved to be a failure. Freedom without moral principles adds up to self-destruction.
The book that you deride, tell me, have you ever read it? The Quran is an amazing document, a message of responsibility, fairness and good conduct. It is a living miracle. Even if you don't believe that it is the word of Allah (as you clearly do not), one could still do much worse than basing a life on the message of the Quran.
As for "old men" dictating to you, I have no idea what that's about. The president of the Islamic Society of North America (the largest Islamic group in North America) is a woman. There have been many great female Islamic scholars in history, and still are today.
But as I said, I don't think you are educated in these matters. I think you are only repeating Islamophobic messages and propaganda.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Wael,
Thank you for your detailed reply.
Firstly, I apologise for my spelling error. It was unintentional. However, you make assumptions about my level of knowledge of Islam based on a simple spelling error. I know the difference Iman and Imam. I am educated in the teachings of Islam. I attended Islamic lessons for a long period of time, read the Quran in full and spoke to many educated Muslims, before I finally made my decision to leave the religion. I did not make my decision lightly or frivolously.
I did not just leave Islam, I left all religion. I do not believe that human beings need religion to instruct them in what is right or wrong. I believe that relying on any religion to tell you what is right and wrong is the easy way out. I don't believe anyone should live their lives according to a set of prescriptive rules.
What you have done above is politicize religion. If you ask my friends, they will tell you that I am the first to criticise anyone that does not think for themselves, be they American, Asian, Muslim, Christian, whatever. By the way, all the "bad" things you mentioned about the West are rife in Muslim countries as well - pornography, alcoholism (look at the Saudi royal family), domestic violence, infidelity, pre-marital sex. It's just buried, hidden. No one speaks about it but many "Muslim" people commit sins while they pray, fast, read the Quran.
I am against the hypocrisy which you speak about, including in the Western world. I am against someone, anyone, telling me what I should and shouldn't think, including who I should marry. Just because I am not of any religion and have left Islam, does not mean that I do not have values. I have stronger values, ethics and morals than many of the Muslims I know. But I was not brought up in a religious environment. My parents never taught me about religion. They simply taught me how to be a good person and good to my fellow human beings. I learnt about religion myself because I wanted to educate myself.
"the system of non-religious free thinking has proved to be a failure"
So tell me this, why is it that so many people, myself included, can live our lives morally, ethically, successfully, without the need to be dictated to by a dogmatic, authoritarian religion?
Dee,
I have not read all posts just part of your initial post and this one.
Respectfully I disagree with this statement, 'I do not believe that human beings need religion to instruct them in what is right or wrong.'
My question is which law then should human beings follow? Have you ever spent your life in a in a place where there is no rule of law? Do you know what happens to people there?
The reason you have chosen non-religious life style is because this alternate life style which is heavily dependent on the strong infrastructure and facilities provided by the makers of this lifestyle is apparently doing really 'good'. Once that infrastructure is not able to support its members then what should all the 'free thinkers' should do. Apparently what history tells us that no man made system can support its followers forever. Look at nation of Samud which is mentioned in Quran and for whom Prophet Saleh(A.S.) was sent and there are many examples of other nations in Quran.
Also you mentioned that 'free thinkers' have been living their lives with 'morals', 'ethics' and 'success'. How do you think humans have defined these 'morals' or 'ethics'?
I guess my reply is more of set of questions than answers... But hopefully can be a good exercise.
regards
1-The Saudi Royals do not represent Islam. Although it would be unfair to judge them all by the actions of a few. Again if you are comparing and contrasting Islam in the reflection of the few muslims you know then you're selling your self short.
You should be reading seerat Rassoul Allah Mohammed and seeking the correct avenues to make up for what your parents failed to teach you.
2-Pornography infiltrating muslim countries wasn't by accident, it was a western ploy to destroy morals and infect future generations minds, to avert they're eyes and reasoning from political movement. Divide and conquer.
3- The fact that you refer to Islam as dogmatic and authoritarian goes to prove that not only have you not studied it. Im torn in belief if you're genuine and (genuinely lost) or if you're a fake and a bad actor at that..This "im an ex muslim" propaganda doesnt seem to hold water to me.
ASSALAM ALEIKUM
JazakaLLAAHU khair Wael for your beautiful answer. may Allaah , reward you. i love the way you defend our beautiful religion. it helps me strenghten my Eman aswell. May Allaah have mercy on you.
The concept of common sense is a long-standing term, based on human experience and people's individual perceptions. Thus, common sense is different from person to person – common sense is not common.
That's why as Muslims we SHOULD not make decisions based on our whims or what we perceive as common sense. That's why we must go back to the Quran for how Allah sees best for us to do things because He created us and knows what's best for us. Allah knows our desires
and weaknesses that's why He gave us the Quran to read and understand. So Allah tells the believing MEN and WOMEN not to marry those that are not believers. If you don't like it then don't follow it, if you want to please your Lord then you follow.
2:221 (Asad) AND DO NOT Marry women who ascribe divinity to aught beside God ere they attain to [true] belief: for any believing bondwoman [of God] is certainly better than a woman who ascribes divinity to aught beside God, even though she please you greatly. And do not give your women in marriage to men who ascribe divinity to aught beside God ere they attain to [true] belief: for- any believing bondman [of God] is certainly better than a man who ascribes divinity to aught beside God, even though he please you greatly. [Such as] these invite unto the fire, whereas God invites unto paradise, and unto [the achievement of] forgiveness by His leave; and He makes clear His messages unto mankind, so that they might bear them in mind.
Awesome !
Personally I didn't think Dee even deserved a reply At all,
i was quite surprised and amazed at what she has wrote,
Allah (Swt) ham sab ko hidayat day (Ameen)
x
Please remember that belief and logic are two different things.
No-one knows anything for certain. So whether or not you think there is a God, you can have faith and choose to believe in Allah and Islam.
I have just lost the love of my life because I realised this to late.
It is very tough to say ' no ' someone you love. It is not logic but if we believe in Islam we godda follow the religion. Dont think 'maybe we can.. ' maybe yes....
just accept it and stay away from non muslim men. halas ....:)
Maybe you can listen to a point of view from another angle, because with respect all I have read is very one sided. I am about to marry a beautiful woman who is a Muslim and needless to say I am not. We have a very strong, equal and understanding relationship in which we respect each other’s religious beliefs. I sit with her on a regular basis and read from the Koran because she asks me to try and explain parts she finds difficult to understand. I am happy to do this because it helps me understand that which is very important to her. Out of respect for her, I fast with her during Ramadan and I always encourage her to be punctual with her prayers.
We both feel that the time has passed for us to consider having children, so that issue which seems to play such a big part in what you say is not relevant in our case. Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t the law of Muslim woman not being permitted to marry none Muslim men actually introduced during the crusades, a time during which the Muslim race feared for its very survival?
I respect everything my fiancé stands for and I support her in every way. Not only are we of different religions, we are also from different cultures, but there is no friction or conflict of interests between us. There is no dominant person and no persuasion or pressure of any kind for either of us to change what we believe.
We might believe in a different way, but never the less we all believe in God, so how can you possibly say in his eye’s our relationship is wrong? We hold our beliefs and what we are doing has no effect or influence on anyone. My fiancé takes her religion very seriously but quite rightly believes that everyone should be free to live their own life.
To generalise all relationships between Christian men and Muslim woman in the same way is nonsensical, just as it is to say that Islam will always prevail when a Muslim man marries a Christian woman. Those statistics are simply not accurate, and whichever way round, each relationship is an individual alliance all of which will differ in many ways.
With respect
CD
CD, I am not the one who decided that a Muslim woman cannot marry a non-Muslim. And it was not laid down in the time of the crusades. It is a law that was given by God in the Quran, and by the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). It's not up to us to change it. As Muslims we accept it. Though you may not feel it applies in your case, God does not legislate differently for every person. The law is the same for all.
You say your fiance takes her religion very seriously, but the evidence shows otherwise. If she was serious about her religion, she would not be in a relationship with you.
No one is going to force her to do one thing or another. No one will compel her not to marry a non-Muslim. But she will be committing a serious sin in Islam, her marriage will be considered invalid by Muslims, and she will answer to God on the Day of Judgment.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Hello CD,
"Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t the law of Muslim woman not being permitted to marry none Muslim men actually introduced during the crusades, a time during which the Muslim race feared for its very survival?"
No:
“And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al Mushrikun (polytheists/atheists) till they believe (in Allah Alone)” (Al-Baqarah: 221)
"They have two children, who were educated in both Islam and Christianity. They were given freedom to decide which religion if any they wanted to follow. As it turns out, one is a Muslim and the other a Christian. This takes me to my earlier point that it’s unrealistic to believe in a marriage between a Muslim Man and a Christian woman that Islam will always prevail. So will you now tell me that he is guilty of a sin because he didn’t force Islam upon his children?"
That dual religious education must have been thoroughly confusing. I had a friend who was brought up both Hindu and Muslim and she's in a constant conundrum. Forcing Islam on a child/anyone is never a good idea, but confusing them in their early years isn't either.
It is permissible for Muslim men to marry UNITARIAN Christians and Jews. Idol worshippers/those who associate partners with God (for example "Jesus is the son of God"), even if Christian, are not permissible to Muslim men or women, but you don't often hear that from men because it might restrict their life choices.
Your relationship with your wife sounds lovely and it's nice that you're both so respectful of eachother. Your wife has nonetheless, disobeyed a divine ruling, whether knowingly or unknowingly. I pray He will forgive her and her goodness in the other spheres of life will redeem her.
Sorry, fiance!
Yes my fiancé takes her religion very seriously, she is an incredibly kind, considerate and thoughtful person and I’m sure God will judge her favourably. She sees the Quran as it should be seen, a guide to steer Muslims on the right path and to inform them of the person they should be, the values they should hold and the life they should lead. It wasn’t handed down for you and so many people like you to use it as a tool to exert power and control over others.
I have a friend who is a Muslim. He married a Christian woman and they have been married for many years and are both very happy. They have two children, who were educated in both Islam and Christianity. They were given freedom to decide which religion if any they wanted to follow. As it turns out, one is a Muslim and the other a Christian. This takes me to my earlier point that it’s unrealistic to believe in a marriage between a Muslim Man and a Christian woman that Islam will always prevail. So will you now tell me that he is guilty of a sin because he didn’t force Islam upon his children?
Hi C.D
Your fiance as you said takes her religion 'very seriously'. I think if this is true then either she can take her religion seriously or she can take you seriously. At one point she has to decide between the two of you. Its not possible for her to choose both of them at the same time.
If she says she is taking her religion seriously and still marries a person who is a non-muslim, then she is not taking her religion seriously. And if she really takes her religion seriously, then by islamic law she cannot marry a non-muslim. And if she claims she is a 'serious muslim' and still marries a non-muslim then you should ask her why she is being a hypocrite?(no disrespect intended) There is always a right path and a wrong path, there is nothing that is both right and wrong path.
May Allah guide us all.
regards
C.D
These are the Minor Signs of the Day Of Judgement
*The disappearance of knowledge and the appearance of ignorance (Bukhari, Muslim, Ibn Majah, & Ahmad)
*Books/writing will be widespread and (religious) knowledge will be low (Ahmad)
*Adultery and fornication will be prevalent (The Prophet, peace be upon him, said that this has never happened without new diseases befalling the people, which their ancestors had not known.) (Bukhari, Muslim, Ibn Majah, & Al-Haythami)
*When fornication becomes widespread among your leaders (The Prophet, peace be upon him, said that this will happen when the people stop forbidding evil) (Ibn Majah)
*Adultery and fornication will be performed in the open
*The consumption of intoxicants will be widespread (Bukhari & Muslim)
*Killing, killing, killing (Bukhari, Muslim, Ibn Majah, & Ahmad)
*The nations of the earth will gather against the Muslims like hungry people going to sit down to a table full of food. This will occur when the Muslims are large in number, but "like the foam of the sea".
*People will beat others with whips like the tails of oxen (Muslim) ?The Slave Trade
*The children will be filled with rage (at-Tabarani, al-Hakim)
*Children will be foul (at-Tabarani, al-Hakim)
*Women will conspire (at-Tabarani, al-Hakim)
*Rain will be acidic or burning (at-Tabarani, al-Hakim)
*Children of fornication will become widespread or prevalent (at-Tabarani, al-Hakim)
*When a trust becomes a means of making a profit (at-Tirmidhi, Al-Haythami)
*Gains will be shared out only among the rich, with no benefit to the poor (at-Tirmidhi)
*Paying zakat becomes a burden and miserliness becomes widespread; charity is given reluctantly (at-Tirmidhi & Al-Haythami)
*Miserliness will be thrown into the hearts of people (Bukhari)
*Episodes of sudden death will become widespread (Ahmad)
*There will be people who will be brethren in public but enemies in secret (He was asked how that would come about and replied, "Because they will have ulterior motives in their mutual dealings and at the same time will fear one another.") (at-Tirmidhi)
*When a man obeys his wife and disobeys his mother; and treats his friend kindly while shunning his father (at-Tirmidhi)
*When voices are raised in the mosques (at-Tirmidhi)
*People will walk in the marketplace with their thighs exposed
*Great distances will be traversed in short spans of time
*People will hop between the clouds and the earth
*A tribulation will enter everyone�s home (Ahmad)
*The leader of a people will be the worst of them (at-Tirmidhi)
*Leaders of people will be oppressors (Al-Haythami)
*People will treat a man with respect out of fear for some evil he might do (at-Tirmidhi)
*Men will begin to wear silk (at-Tirmidhi)
*Female singers and musical instruments will become popular (at-Tirmidhi)
*When singers become common (Al-Haythami)
*When the last ones of the Ummah begin to curse the first ones (at-Tirmidhi)
*People will claim to follow the Qur'an but will reject hadith & sunnah (Abu Dawood)
*People will believe in the stars (Al-Haythami)
*People will reject al-Qadr (the Divine Decree of Destiny) (Al-Haythami)
*Time will pass rapidly (Bukhari, Muslim, & Ahmad)
*Good deeds will decrease (Bukhari)
*Smog will appear over cities because of the evil that they are doing
*People will be carrying on with their trade, but their will only be a few trustworthy persons
*Wealth will increase so much so that if a man were given 10,000, he would not be content with it (Ahmad & Bukhari)
*A man will pass by a grave and wish that he was in their place (Bukhari)
*Earthquakes will increase (Bukhari & Muslim)
*Women will be naked in spite of being dressed, these women will be led astray & will lead others astray (Muslim)
*When people begin to compete with others in the construction of taller buildings (Bukhari)
*There will be a special greeting for the people of distinction (Ahmad)
*The Euphrates will disclose a treasure (The Prophet, peace be upon him, said that whoever is present should not take anything from it) (Bukhari & Muslim)
*Two large groups, adhering to the same religious teaching will fight each other with large numbers of casualties (Bukhari & Muslim)
*Years of deceit in which the truthful person will not be believed and the liar will be believed (Ahmad)
*Bearing false witness will become widespread (Al-Haythami & Ahmad)
*When men lie with men and women lie with women (Al-Haythami)
*Arrogance will increase in the earth (at-Tabarani, al-Hakim)
*Family ties will be cut (Ahmad)
*There will be many women of child-bearing age who will no longer give birth.
*There will be an abundance of food, much of which has no blessing in it..
*Men will begin to look like women and women will begin to look like men
Like Waldo, try to find yourself there.
i didn't have time to read all 42 responses.
I have swung in all different directions on this issue. I know that God is merciful. The world is hard on muslim women. Through no fault of my own, my parents chose to come to this country and have a family. They chose to raise me in a geographical area that has few muslims. I have been patient my entire life, and now as i approach 40 I wonder if there was a wisdom in waiting for a nice muslim man to fall from the sky like my parents always said one would. Its like living in a desert.
So I'm not sure that the "rules" are so cut and dry. All I know is that God is merciful. And if I was in a position where I loved a decent, kind, loving non-muslim who was of the book, I would ask for God's mercy and marry him, and try to have a child so I could actualize my deep desire to be a mother and a wife, rather than wait until I"m in Paradise to meet my soulmate.
Its quite interesting that it is the muslim men who are quite vociferous on this issue. Many, many muslim women who were raised in North America and who do not live in large urban centres like NY, LA, Chicago etc, feel differently. Many of them are starting to feel like I do and wonder as I do, particularly as they near the end of their childbearing years.
Salaam Precious Star,
It is up to an individual to decide whether they will marry someone they have explicitly been forbidden to marry. You're right, Allaah is merciful and perhaps He will be forgiving on the matter, but when he has made a matter clear and an individual opts to disobey instead of exert unconditional patience, the question is whether the person is deserving of such mercy.
I don't refute that it is painful to be approaching the end of the childbearing age and have to suffer for the decisions of our elders, but by accepting what has been decreed and abiding by what Allaah has given us as guidance despite these difficulties is true patience and obedience. This life and all it's joys are temporary, so one must very carefully reflect whether it is better to risk forfeiting happiness in the hereafter for momentary joy here.
It doesn't matter one iota what people say or think, what matters is that Allaah has sent us guidance, His laws are the best of guidance and he only tests those he loves.
I remind myself of this everyday. Thank you for writing this down.
Inna Allah maá alsabireen. Wa min taraka shayn lillah a'athahu Allah khayran minha
Allah is with those whom are patient. Those whom give up something for Allah, Allah will reimburse them with what is better.
I do take offence to you calling my fiancé a hypocrite; there is a long line of you people who should be looking at yourselves before you label others. I have read and researched a lot about this subject and what it all boils down to is interpretation. Over the years the true meaning has been distorted in interpretation and conveniently distorted in favour of the Muslim man. Of course you will say it should never happen, you are free to choose who you like. I wonder what would be your opinion if such restrictions were put upon you.
God will see each person for who they are and the way they conducted themselves during their life. If Islam is right, then God will judge me for choosing the wrong path, but my fiancé I’m sure will be judged favourably because she is devout, she just doesn’t except this distorted law is accurate because there is no sense in it.
As I said before, our relationship has no bearing, effect or influence on anyone else. It doesn’t put strain on any religious beliefs and there is no pressure by either party to change their way of thinking. You can come back at me quoting whatever reference you like, but the fact of the matter is the law you are so adamant about is distorted and bias.
Precious Star, my advice to you is follow your heart. Regardless of what anyone tells you, you don’t have to sacrifice your religion, your morals or your self respect to live the life you so desperately want. Rest assured, God will judge you for who you are, not for breaking a distorted bias law.
Hi C.D.
I never intended to label your fiancé or anybody as I have no place to label/judge anybody or any person, only Allah can judge.
Use of word 'hypocrite' was completely due to lack of a better word. But what I intended was, she is acting in contradiction to her stated belief knowingly or unknowingly . And apart from many bad definitions Webster also defines 'hypocrite' to be
'a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs'. She is stating her belief to be Islam, but knowingly or unknowingly she is acting which is not according to it. I hope I have made myself clear.
As far as the distortion of meaning in 'favor of muslim man' is concerned, I can understand from where you are talking. But you might laugh at me when I say this, I think Islamic laws are much more in favor of muslim woman than in favor of muslim man. Let me give you few examples,
1- For a muslim woman, in her childhood when she is a daughter she is responsibility of the father, and if the father dies she is the responsibility of her brother. And once she is married she is responsibility of her husband. And if God forbid her husband dies or she is divorced she again becomes the responsibility of her brother or her son if he is able to provide. And in her last stages of her life she is again the responsibility of her son. Let me further dissect the stages mentioned in this point.
Childhood:
2- Do you know what is it like for a muslim man when from his childhood, when he comes home his mother and father put good food/gifts/clothes in front of their daughter/daughters first and than in front of their son/sons just because its Sunnah of prophet Muhammad(s.a.w) to give gifts/presents to daughters first.
Marriage:
3- When a woman grows up and gets married she is the responsibility of husband. Which means, husband has no right on her money. So if both husband and wife are doing a job. Wife can save her money for whatever purpose she likes, but its the husband who has to spend all the money for the maintenance of the wife and also for the children. And its not that he can be stingy he should spend it in a good way. And Islam does not require the wife to spend a single penny if she does not want to.
And do you know what is it like for a muslim man when after more than a decade of your marriage your wife leaves you. Even than you are suppose to give her 'Mahr' money whatever was decided in the marriage, even though she has accumulated her money from her job and not spent a single penny in marriage and you have been spending on your children and wife all this time.
Divorce/Widowed:
4- If God forbid a muslim woman gets divorce or her husband dies, then she is again the responsibility of her muslim brother or her muslim son.
if she is her brother's responsibility, than he MUST provide for her and her children. Do you know what kind of stress it puts on brother financially because if he is married he has to support two families not one.
If she is her son's responsibility than her son must provide her with all he can while still maintaining his family and children.
I hope you can imagine the stress it will put on man's life financially and in other ways.
5- Do you know what is it like for a muslim man not to be able to get married just because financially he is not secure to provide for his possible wife and future children. And by the time he is able to make some money, if his sister is not married or God forbid is divorced or widowed, he has to fulfill her needs first while putting his needs of marriage behind.
Death:
6- Do you know when a muslim woman dies, its her husband, brother or son's responsibility to make all the right arrangements for her proper burial and put her into the grave.
This is the way a muslim man is suppose to follow the path of Islam, while loving, caring, respecting, providing for muslim woman from the start of her life till her end. A muslim man cannot say that laws of Islam are distorted or they are in favor of muslim woman he has to follow them. I have left many other points but hopefully I have conveyed my point of view. I am not complaining about Islamic laws I am just trying to explain that laws of Islam are not distorted for men. I hope and pray that one day you can see the beauty of these responsibilities and again I never intended to disrespect or disparage you or your fiancé.
regards,
.
Concerned: that was really, exceptionally tactless. You do not know the hearts of people to be able to assign such a label.
"but the fact of the matter is the law you are so adamant about is distorted and bias"
Hmm, C.D, I'm afraid it's rather explicit in the scripture and there is no difference of opinion amongst the scholars. I've looked! You and your fiance are free to make your choices and put your trust in Allaah's mercy, but it is not right to declare that which doesn't agree with you as distorted and biassed without evidence.
Hi Open?
Your explanation is extremely detailed and obviously well researched, and yes it is very helpful. I can relate to everything you have written because it makes absolute sense. It is refreshing to hear from someone who doesn’t have a tunnelled point of view and who is willing to take the time to research and find a definitive answer which must surely make sense to anyone who reads it. Thank you.
Concerned:
I fully understand and very much admire the values Muslims have with regard to family. I have worked alongside Muslims in many places including the Middle East and I have always respected and admired their sense of family responsibility. This subject I never questioned, the only matter I failed to see any sense in is that which Open has now answered in my view unarguably.
I hope Precious Star reads Open’s explication so she will at last have peace of mind and know to follow her heart is the right thing to do.
Thanks again Open
Unfortunately, I did love someone once, very recently, but at the end of the day I pushed him away and ended things because i couldn't resolve this conflict in my heart and mind. After much soul-searching, I regretted it, and wished to work it out with him; but, it took me a few months to reach that conclusion, and in the meantime, I lost him -- he found someone else and was enormously hurt that i had pushed him away.
So I have to live with that. In my heart of hearts, I don't believe that I would have been "sinning" if I had tried again with this man. I was following my heart. But it wasn't meant to be. I tried, I lost, I am in despair.
Precious Star,
Sister, I think you did the right thing by pushing this man away and Allah kept you on the right path. Please do not despair, I personally know sisters who have not been able to get married with right muslim man are still unmarried.
Sister you mentioned that your parents brought you hear. But don't you think that you are able enough to make your own decision and if living in some country/place is jeopardizing your religion than you should look for your partner somewhere where your religion will be safe. After all prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) and his companions did hijra from Makkah to Madina. May be Allah wants you to follow that sunnah and help you find your soulmate.
I think you were blessed by Allah by not marrying a non-muslim. You have been strong enough to follow Allah's deen. I'll suggest keep following the right path and inshaAllah you'll find good muslim man and will be able to marry him, inshaAllah.
regards,
Precious Star,
I am so sorry your relationship ended in such a way, if only the correspondence between us all had taken place some time ago, you would not be in this situation now. You would have had peace of mind and known to follow your heart would have been the right thing to do. I am so sorry.
My fiancé and I are both approaching our mid 40s, and she too had been waiting for the right person. She didn’t want an arranged marriage because she believed that marriage should be a union of love and not convenience. She wasn’t looking to find someone outside of Islam; she just wanted to find the right person for her. Even though I am not a Muslim, she knew in her heart that something that felt so natural and right couldn’t possibly be wrong.
Don’t despair Precious Star, just listen to what Open has said and understand that to follow your heart is not wrong. Do this and you will find the life you are looking for. If I were you, I would talk to this man and explain the torment you have had to go through to finally realise that what you were doing wasn’t wrong. It has to be worth a try, don’t just sit back and say “if only”.
I truly wish you the very best Precious
Take care
Sharing your experience is one thing. Advising a Muslim to violate Islamic laws, especially one who is already confused and hurting, is unacceptable. People come to this website for clarity based on Islamic teachings, not to be further confused by incorrect and un-Islamic viewpoints.
CD, you and "Open" seem to think that Allah's laws can be played with and manipulated to suit your own desires. You hope to find loopholes or to re-interpret the religion to suit your needs. Unfortunately you are only deceiving yourselves and others.
It's a free world, do what you wish. You will only have to answer to Allah, not to me or anyone else. But don't pretend that it is Islamically acceptable, or right.
Sometimes in life we must choose between what we desire, and what is right. Allah says in the Quran that if the religion went according to our whims and desires, we would all fall into destruction. it's extremely arrogant to think that we know better than Allah, even in matters of the human heart.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Don't worry - the man I love is not coming back to me, so I'm not in danger of violating Islamic laws. And I probably won't go down this road again, in terms of getting involved with a non-muslim.
I guess I will wait for the joyous reunion in Paradise. I say that half-facetiously, because part of me does believe that we will be reunited there; the other half says that he will be with the woman he ultimately marries, in which case I have truly, truly lost him forever.
Hi Open,
I'll be straightforward here as I think saying something is right while its clearly wrong is misguiding people and your post is misguiding people.
Respectfully I think you are wrong in your claim about the marriage of muslim women. And please do not try to undermine respected moderators, although they are not the complete authority but I am pretty sure they know more than most of us on this forum. Also, I would request the moderators to correct me if I write something wrong due to my limited knowledge.
In your conclusion you mention that :
" If the one a Muslim woman chooses to marry is someone who believes in God then this is alright, they are considered a Muslim by definition and the Deen can come after....."
Your statement is based on the wrong assumption you assume that a person is Muslim if he believes in God only. For start to be a muslim you should at least believe that There is no god but Allah and Muhammad (s.a.w) is his last messenger and prophet. This definition of being a muslim came into existence after the Propher Muhammad (s.a.w) was appointed as last prophet and messenger of Allah.
But that is just one part of being a muslim. Then their are rest of four pillars of islam which I assume you googled.
If a man has established first pillar of islam i,e, he has taken shahdah than he is muslim else he is NOT. Therefore the way you are entering everybody in islam just because they believe is God is totally wrong.
Also your claim about Abraham, Jesus, Moses is also wrong that since they believed in God and they were muslims therefore if we believe in God only we'll be muslim. There is a huge change happened between the time of Abraham,jesus and Moses and NOW that was Prophet Muhammad(s.a.w.) was appointed as last messenger. Once this is done, Now if anybody who only believes in God he is not muslim. He must believe that "There is no god but Allah AND Muhammad (s.a.w.) is his last messenger and prophet"
I hope I have cleared the basic misconception about islam.
Since your initial assumption is wrong, therefore anybody who believes in God only is not muslim. Also, since a non-muslim man cannot marry a muslim woman. Therefore anybody who beleives in God only cannot marry a muslim woman. In other words, non-muslim man cannot marry a muslim woman.
regards,
Open,
Seriously flawed reasoning. I am beginning to understand why scholars take what seems like decades to get to the point of issuing verdicts.
C.D
It would be better for you to talk to scholars if you really want to know the truth and not what your heart tells you. In addition, here, you will find only further opinion and controversy.
Try:
http://sakeenah.org/
This life is a test. We are tested at our weakest points and for most of us, the weakest point is the heart, so following it isn't the most wise thing to do. I am sure Satan followed his heart when he refused to bow on God's order and Adam and Eve as. followed their hearts when they ate from the forbidden fruit.
I would lyk 2 comment about the first point
It is permissible for a Muslim man to marry a non-Muslim woman if she is Christian or Jewish, but it is not permissible for him to marry a non-Muslim woman who follows any religion other than these two. The evidence for that is the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Made lawful to you this day are At‑Tayyibaat [all kinds of Halaal (lawful) foods, which Allaah has made lawful (meat of slaughtered eatable animals, milk products, fats, vegetables and fruits)]. The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends”
[al-Maa'idah 5:4]
My advice to you would be to consult Imam hargey of meco for advice on this matter. He will point you in the right direction.Religion is based on love not fear.
pls comment wether i'm correct or wrong
I am an islam follower too. I agree muslim women should marry muslim men according to islam. I know a friend - she is daughter of a respected imam. She works far from family in dubay and is in relationship with non-muslim in dubay. i as muslim i disappointed. it feels like a joke.
I feel very disappointed for her family.
Question is if a woman from such tradtional background can do it - then ok. who are we to say anything.
Your comment makes no sense. If a woman from a "traditional background" chooses to commit a sin, it is her sin and her responsibility. It has nothing to do with you and me. Each of us is responsible for our own actions.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaam.
It seems there is a lot of me, me on this web site. People are choosing to ignore the teaching of our prophet (saw) and Allah in favour of 'love'. This love that these people seek is a western type of love and not one of Islamic origin. All I can say to the posters if you are truly a Muslim than stay away from engaging in what Allah forbids. Picking and choosing what parts to follow in Islam is not permissible, and turning a blind eye to the scripture is haram. Lastly, to C.D I'm sorry to say your wife is in the wrong and marrying you is going against the Islamic teachings. We have too many non-Muslims and "Muslims" interpreting the Quran to suit their way of living and beliefs. The Quran is not the devinci code and it clearly state what Allah expects of you and mankind.
Mustafa
Well said! JazakAllah
It's haram
You can only marry him if he converts to islam and follows it .
I am really sorry but for few good years in this life ..... you are going to destroy your life hereafter .
well, firstly Muslim men often marry non muslim women and i believe they are taking out of context what Allah has meant to be something that may be suits a certain situation..like for instance i believe that it is permissible to marry more than one wife and that was decreed in the holy Quran because it was an answer for a time period where women were being widowed and there was a shortage of men..If we are to believe that Allah meant for us to live harmoniously in our lives how can any muslim man support the mairrage of muslim men to Christian women who believe in polytheism (the holy trinity) and or Jewish women who don't except jesus christ (prophet Isa ) or prophet Muhammad..That my friend makes nmo sense whatsoever seeing as how a child is first reared by the mother and she will indeed instill the first set of values and practices on the child..Also do u really think Allah would have made something permissable for men that would cause a future of torment for muslim women like allowing muslim women to marry only "bonafide" muslim men who meet the requirements of not Allah but of other muslim men who's own desires and biases may courrupt them and not allow them to see a person as a believer in the one God (Allah) just because they aren't perfect muslims or perhaps will never be able to recite the Quran "perfectly " in Arabic and will never be able to show how "muslim" they are ..So i guess it is more acceptable to go after Muslim women who are living lives of torment where they have no options but to wait until a "muslim"an who has a smorgasborg of women to choose from as wives to come and pick them to be a wife ..I personally have to say that if this is the case than Allah knows our hearts and each of our personal struggles and he is oft forgiving and most merciful and it's not up to the man on this website to decide WHO IS DESERVING OF ALLAH"S MERCY! also the making of a muslim is the five pillars and we need to try and focus more on those and those are what should not be neglected , fasting, declaring that u bear witness there is no God other than Allah and that Muhammad was his prophet, hajj, charity, and prayers..I am sorry but Hijab is not a pillar of faith , nor is "and see to it that every muslimah is severly punished exiled or told she is commitng zina (fornication) if she were to marry a non muslim..
Dijah,
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmat Allahi wa barakatuhu.
You ask:
"If the non-Muslim man acknowledges the Prophet Mohammed (asws) as the final prophet and Islam as the last completing religion, and prophet Issa (asws) is Allah's messenger and not his son, is that enough without the need to convert to Islam?"
If this man acknowledges all the above, he is already a Muslim!
I believe the man must announce his Islam and say Shahada to be considered a muslim amongst Uma and Allah knows best!
ASSALAM ALEIKUM. just a point for all to consider,
HONESTLY, if you are not muslim or do not like Islam for some weird reason, or even worse, if you converted out of Islam, KEEP YOUR EXPERIENCES TO YOUR SELF. as far as i know, this is an Islamic website, meant to advise Muslims to do the right thing and bring them closer to Allaah, if you dont like Islam, then what are you doing commenting on a muslim website, trying to get people off their religion, authubiLLAAH, !!
. if you left Islam, and am sure your regretting it, then that is your choice, DO NOT TRY TO GET OTHER PEOPLE OFF THE STRAIGHT PATH AS WELL, WHILST YOU KNOW DEEP DOWN THAT IT IS THE TRUTH, if you want to destroy yourself in jahannam,do it alone.
am sorry but tit really angers me when people abandon Islam and ignore all its unmistakable signs and not just that but try to get othera off it!!!! MAY ALLAAH, THE PROTECTER AND GUIDER AND MOST MERCIFULL, MOST FORGIVING, THE LIGHT, KEEP US ON THIS STRAIGHT PATH, TILL THE LAST DAY!! even though the disbelievers may detest it! AMEEEEEEEN!
Ruqqayah thank you for making me laugh (its been a really long time)
Not at you, la wallah i'm not, its just heartwarming to read how you were telling them off with such fierce simplicity and noble honour. i had a visual that you were waving a dust pan at them while you told them off.
Your purity and the cute way you defended islam was priceless & what you said was true, the delivery was priceless and im going to save it to make me smile when i need to.
Inshallah your deeds be as great as that of one of the mothers of alsahabah (the prophets pbuh's companions- ll try to get her name later on) in battle she was nursing the wounded and it came to a point that the back of the Rassoul pbuh was open to attack, she had the same instinctive protective reaction as you did and innocently she picked up a sword and attempted to prod it towards the direction of the horsed enemy, he cautioned her to move and make way so he attacks the prophet pbuh from behind and she didnt, she futily tried to fight this skilled warrior, after warning her he hacked at her shoulder wounding her deeply in an attempt to get her to move...yet she stayed firm, defending the Prophet pbuh, at that point I believe it was her son that came and took her place.
It is said that the prophet praised her for her bravery and as i recall promised her paradise.
May every word and letter you typed weigh your scales of good deeds and pave your way to Jannah too
Can anyone help me to know dua to recite for breakage of my younger Muslim sister (19 y/o) unlawful relationship with her non-muslim husband, with who she did court marriage-not mosque or church marriagewts so ever. This fellow is illegal in U.S and we all know he did this for sake of greencard- he is not planning to convert to Islam nor my sister is forcing him- My parents are having a very very hard time, b/c my sister has cutoff her all relationships with her- she called police even- I didnt know tht laws are so strong for illegal immigrant than legal folks. some people says its black magic as his origin is from chennai- i didnt mean tht every one belonging to tht place is superstitoius- but circumstances are telling tht there is no match b/w him and my sis in education, personaltiy, background, he is very poor personality, ZERO (zero) education guy, moreover we and even her dont know anything about his family cuz all we saw is his parnets pic and rest of his family is in Chennai, and who knows he is already married in his home country and the man who speaks longdistance on phone with my sis is this man father or not. This is tough to swallow and from almost last year she even did not finish her education- her education stopped there. Now she is living with him from last 8 months and commiting ZInah- unlawful relationship-even we told her plenty times along with Quran ayats tht no muslim woman can marry non-muslim guy, but she is not willing to listen to us and now moreover she doesnt even reply my mom's call- mom leaves her crying messages in her voicemail but she is not talking to my mom except my elder bro- who is also involved in with non-muslim girl, infact my bro is worst, more selfish not willing to help my family in this situation, instead he is creating more negative feelings in her (my sis) mind against my parents and me. My parents and me going thru the toughest time of our life.
Please who ever read this blog pray for my younger sister to be good Muslimah and her return to good deeds and closeness to Islam.
if someone knows any dua or wazifa to recite for breaking unlawful relationship pls do tell me. or any suggestion please- I am too much worried about her becuase I know my sis was not this as she is now and she never/ever agreed any discussion for getting married with non-muslim man.
Please help
saima, please log in and write your question as a separate post, and we will advise you on your sister's situation, Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salam Wael,
thankyou for your reply, I posted it seprately in block of unlawful relationship- status is pending for review. I will be waiting for your reply.
Thankyou
Thank you. We have about 80 questions in the queue, we will get to yours in turn Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
1. It is not allowed for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man. Period. That is Allah's decree, not mine.
^^ Liar. No where in the Qu'ran does it say this. Not the original one. This was a rule imposed by a group of old thinking men called Jurists. The fact that you would spout such lies shows us where you shall go when you die.
I am a muslim girl. I am in love with a Hindu boy. I want to marry him.Can I marry him without converting him to muslim??
No, you cannot marry a hindu boy. It is forbidden for both Muslim men and women to marry hindus.
If you have any further question, please log in and submit your question as a separate post.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor