Can I go and see my parents when I want?
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah.
Dear Brother/Sister
I am 25 years old and have been married for a year and a half. I live with my in laws and my relationship with them is great allhamdulilah! Me and my husband have a very good relationship too and I'm happy in my life allhamdulilah.
However I am facing one problem and it really affects my happiness. Like every child, I love my parents, and after I got married I moved 4 hours away from them. Iv been going to see them every month which seemed okay to me. But my in laws think its too much. It's very expensive to go which I understand, I spoke to my family about it and they are more then happy to pay for my tickets.
But now apparently I shouldn't go back often because I should prioritise my husband and his family first. But I live with them, I cook, I clean, I make sure everyone in the house is happy. I always take care of my in laws, attending to their every need. I don't understand how much more I could prioritise them.
I try and do what is right for this family and for myself. My husband is very confused, they argue with him about letting me go to see my parents so often. He does not know what to do, he doesn't want to upset his family or me.
Please tell me what I should do? Am I in the wrong? Should I settle to see my parents when they give me permission too. I want to go every month for a weekend, am I asking for too much? I hope you can help me. Its really upsetting me. I'm feeling negativity towards my in laws for this and I don't like it. In my opinion, I should be able to see my parents when I want. Unfortunately they live so far so I can't do day trips, but a weekend every month is okay I think. And I feel like I should stand my ground.
I hope to hear back soon In Sha Allah.
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Salam Sister,
With all due respect to your in-laws, when and how often you see your parents is strictly between you and your husband. Your in-laws should not interfere between you and your husband on this issue as it is not their place to do so. If your husband is okay with you going to see your parents, your in-laws should hold their tongues. Maybe it isn't convenient for them and their schedule given the fact that you cook and clean however, unless you are the hired help...you have every right to go and see your parents.
I simply have to add here...one of my good friends marriages ended due to a very similar situation. The mother in-law interfered constantly in her sons marriage creating conflict and strife between her son and his wife. The end result was a family torn apart, a son without a wife for many years and children living in a broken home. Should you stand your ground? Absolutely!
Salam
Salam Tai91 sis,
Alhamdulillah your respected husband is not stopping you and he shouldnt anyway even he wants you not to go to your parents.
A muslim woman in Islam is not required to even left a finger to do cleaning, tidying,.cooking, washing, taking care of the kids so let alone taking care of her in-laws along with their interfering opinions... Whatever house chores a muslim married woman does is out of her goodness of her heart and to please Allah swt alone. And also living with inlaws is part of your culture and not part of Islam.
Having said the above, you should maintain the respect for your inlaws. Anything your in-laws says hear them but you don't need to listen to them. Just tell your husband in advance that these weekends you will be staying at your parents and ask him if he needs you for anything before you book your tickets. Hopefully this way your husband will be mentally prepared that you are intending to stay at your parents those days and if your in-laws says anything to you, then that shouldn't be your concern because between you and your husband it's already been discussed and agreed so you should just hear your in-laws but don't say anything back, instead just get ready for your trip. It is your husband's and your in-laws concern. Let your husband deal with this matter.
And it is not as though you will visit your parents like this for rest of your married life. Sooner or later you will become so busy in your married life (kids, in shaa Allah) that you will even struggle to find time for yourself.
Try not to get in dispute with your in-laws because your husband although he may understand your needs and point of view at the same time he won't appreciate it if you disrespect his parents/family. Try to balance.
I hope I made sense.
Take care,
Your sister, Me
(This is just my OPINION) the fact that you want to see your parents is normal any child would do that! But now you are married the best thing to do is consult your husband and see what he wants! It doesn't really matter what your in laws think, but let's face reality having a bad relationship with them will also ruin your the peace in your household and it will create problems between you and your husband and their family is going to despise your family so I would recommend not going as often just listen to them and try to FaceTime or whatever else works
Masha Allah sister, may Allah reward you with jannah for your love towards parents.
What you demand is correct and you have all the rights ask for a weekend in a month with your husband. But remember sister once you ask, you are done, it's your husband's mercy to accept it deny you. If he accepts thank Allah otherwise take swabr, Allah will give news for your swabr and jannath for your obedience to husband.
Hence ask your husband at the right time making sure it will not hurt him, but never ever trespass his intstruction. Islam says even if husband is not allowing his wife to attend the funeral of her parents, better for her is to make sabr
Asalamu aleikum sis
My dear u r married to your husband only ask him if he is OK with you visiting your parents.and tell your in laws to mind their own business. Stand for your rights
Best wishes
That sounds like some male ego nonsense. The husband is not your master- there is mutual respect. The wife should attend funeral of parents (and so should husband- his inlaws).
What are you going to say next- obey the husband if he tells you to steal?
I had a similar situation but my parents lived a few streets away. My inlaws didnt like me going and i remember just days after my marriage my mil said to me not to go to my parents too much as people will think that theres something wrong. Soon my husband started getting influenced by his parents. But i stood my ground and things changed i go now whenever i can get time Alhamdulillah.
Your inlaws should think how they would like it if their son moved far away. They would probably beg him to see them often. likewise your parents feel the same and its not like you are asking to stay for weeks.
Stand your ground and talk to your husband. InshaAllah it will work out for you.