Can I marry a married man?
Asalamualaykum. I am 24 years old muslimah. I met someone who is a scholar and currently studying in an Islamic university. I known him for about less than a month. He is 27 years old and he offered me marriage. We are not in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship because he told me it's haram that's why he offered me marriage as early as possible. He has his deen and he always reminds me of Allah. And as a person who grew up in a community where Islam is not practiced strongly; I really want to learn more about Islam. He tried to talked to my father but my father disagreed and did not accept his proposal to marry me just because that man is already married. But before he talked to my father, he told me that he is already married. But when he told me he is already married I didn't think of it negatively because I know Muslim man can marry up to 4 wives as long as he can provide and be fair to all of them. My parents told me not to marry this man because he is married and I will ruin his family and marrying a married man is embarrassing. Are my parents right or wrong? Please help me. I really want to marry this person because I know he is good and he can teach me very well about Islam. And he is the first person to ask me for marriage and talked to my father. I can feel this person respects me so much for offering me marriage so he can teach me about Islam.
It is really embarrassing to marry a married man? Will I follow my parents or do I need to convince my parents for them to allow me to marry this man?
Octobernovember
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How did you come to know this brother?
I would wait this one out, youve not known him for long enough in my opinion...less than one mon the or so. Pray istikhara and wait for the answer. If it's meant for you then nothing will separate you from it. Islamic ally, you can marry. But you should ask about some things first. How long has he been married to his first wife? Why does he want to take a second wife? Does his first wife know he wants to marry you?
Have you asked people around about him? Have you talked or met his parents?
The thing about marrying multiple wives is that the man needs to be fair to each of them, or else it can lead to big problems. Ive known people whose families have been broken up because the father married a second wife without letting anyone know. BUT i know of families whô make it work. Polygyny can be great and helpful to society but I don't think it's for everyone.
This is marriage and there are so many people these days jumping into marriages and then divorcing after oNE yeAR two years. Even there was one post i read and thr man wanTed to divorce after a few months. We try to follow the sunnah of the Prophet sws and his Sahaba ra, and marry asap but those people were noble people and had noble intention. Today we have a lot more schemers and liars, even who are Muslim. So I say take your time, get to know what his character is. Ask if his wife knows. I'd even talk to his wife about his character because who better to know how he will treat you when you marry.
Barakullah feeki, my sister.
Salam know that there is a higher level of Iman that most people don't want to understand.If this br. Wants to marry you should ask some questions eg about how he deals with anger because when you climb up the levels of Iman SHAITAN is always waiting to hit hard...Anyways he must treat with care and fulfill his duty.. Remember it is not about sex that people would think when having more then 1 wife.Like I said there's another level of Iman that people don't realize..They think that life is fun and have seen sexual pleasure.My teacher told me not to do too much monkey business because the noor will come off your face! This is deep.I guess that's why some of the top notch saints in Islam wanted to reach Allah at very high level and so they could do unbelievable miracles or unexplained phenomenonso? But please don't get confused there are certain men that Allah has that are reserved (Wali)But the best way and easy way is the way of prophet Muhammad which his example how the human being should live in this world .Regardless of the time and year of that Era.You must write a letter and tell them that I am old enough and final decision to get married with anyone is upto you!!!!Good men are hard to fine.I didn't say Dunia men.I said learned men bring the Barakah everywhere. Your children will be raised In Islamic protected environment for your generation will be the defenders of truth while the people of the world will follow the luciferian belief in some way or another.Pray sister because opportunitit's are rare.
Has he told his wife that he wants to marry you as a second wife? He should marry a widow or an older woman who can't find a husband.
How did he meet you to begin with? How does he support his first wife? What is his source of Indome? Does he plan to have 4 wives?
HE MUST TAKE PERMISSION FROM HIS FIRST WIFE. IF HE DID THEN. DO ISTEKHARA THIS IS THE BEST WAY. INSHA'ALLAH YOU'LL FIND RIGHT PATH.
That isn't entirely correct.
Your 24, why complicate your life by marrying someone who is already married and who your parents don't approve of - and I completely agree with them!
Why is a married man offering marriage to another woman? Technically he's cheating on his wife, polygamy isnt a joke, I don't understand why people take it so lightly. Yes Islam gives men the right the have four wives, but why abuse that right.
Have you met his first wife? Does he have children? By marrying you, he may end up hurting his first wife, and can do the same to you in the future. Secondly your parents disapprove of the marriage, and they have your best interests at heart.
Take yourself away from the situation and stop communication with him. Let him focus on his wife, and remain loyal to her. He's not the only man on this planet, you will have plenty more less complicated better options coming your way. Don't do it.
Also I find it ironic how these so called 'religious' men get to know a girl on a one to one basis and then suggest marriage because it's haram to be in a gf/bf relationship! Well if they were practising Islam properly instead of wasting their energy on another woman, they should be spending that time teaching their current wife about Islam, and getting to know her!!! It's so infuriating to read how hypocritical some people can be.
Again my advice to you would be to not pursue this further. InshaAllah you will find a good kind hearted pious man who will focus on you and remain loyal to you.
Why are you so concerned about a man teaching you about Islam???? If your intention is to learn about Islam, you don't need a man to teach you about it. You can learn about deen yourself or join islamic classes for women, read the quran. ....you don't need to get married to learn about Islam ☺
I would advise you against the marriage. First of all you are only 24 years old and you sound very naive, the first guy who asks you about marriage and you want to accept without even knowing the person and his intentions. He is already married, if he wants to get married again because he is so religious ect why doesn't he want a widow as a wife but a young unmarried girl??? It doesn't make sense. And what does his first wife think about it? Does she even know? Is she ok with it? Does he have kids??? Are you ok with him taking a third and/ or a forth wife??? How is his character? Can he support you and his first wife?need to ask his first wife about his character!!! If his first wife is against you marrying her husband would you still go for it? What if she decides to divorce? ? And your parents are against it, you need your dad's permission to marry him, don't go against your parents. You are still young why don't you want to marry a single religious man instead of a married one???
Dear Octobernovember,
I am with your parents on this one.
Just because somethings are halal it does not mean it should be practised.
Therefore, Islam allows polygamy but Islam certainly does not encourage it. Same with divorce. Islam allows divorce but it does not encourages it at all.
Only under sever conditions it should be practised, and I think neither of you seem to be in desperate circumstances, ie. Alhmadulillah you are not a widow, you are not poor, you have good health etc based on all these your are in better position to find another good practising brother.
Let this brother focus on his current marriage. Let His wife be happy from her marriage with him. Let them both bring a better Muslim family between themselves.
I think you should break all communications with this brother. Also he is pretty young to already think of second of marriage. I don't think he fully understands what marriage life is all about.
If you really would like to be better Muslim, you could hang around with good practising Muslim sisters, do self study on Islam and start to fast Mondays and Thursdays as it is sunnah of prophet Muhammad SAW. Make use of your singleton because once you are married you will be more busy with house chorus and kids in Shaa Allah that you may struggle to practise Islam the way you want to even with best of Muslim brothers.
Sorry for sounding pessimistic but reality of marriage is not always rosy let alone being second wife.
Having said all this, maybe this brother does have amazingly good reason to seek for a second wife. You need to find out why he wants to have second wife and why you?, and then please share here or ask someone trustable to advise you whether his reasons are good enough for second marriage.
However, if you do marry with this brother in Shaa Allah, then TIME may always be an issue for him to spare to you and his first wife. And it won't be fair if he gives most of his time to you and not his first wife and kids.
Best wishes,
Me