I will never become that daughter my parents want to become because their harsh way of what love means for example I curse to pit hell and one and your useless like what the heck and expect thing of me and decide my destiny in life

especially my mother who I argue with a lot about little things and when I do something nice for her its never good enough she says things like everyone has kids why is wrong with this one

my sister all are better then me in everything like brain mature and religious what expect in muslim daughter

speak of kids I don't want to get married because I don't want have kids because she curse me saying I'm gonna have kids who are far beyond worst then me

really traditional parents are hasid I not sayong I want to be a american american teenager but I have feelings and I do backbicker at her because I'm a human being who has feelings

wallahi its not fair i and think I not go to jannah because ytou have to respect your parents I try over and over again to ignore her mean thoughts she blame for things I don't do and I say your not allah you don't see everything and I get in trouble for it

my brother who way more bad than me I know not to judge but its the truth get respect way better than me , my mom doesn't know anything about me I try to understand her yet I'm the horrible daughther I wish her words weren't true but they are

- sharifawo

Assalam O Alaikum,

I am only recently turned 14. I am a girl with a mental disorder because my parents used to abuse me when I was younger. In fact, they still do.

But it is only my mother now, and she does it very rarely, but when she does, she hurts me very badly. She punches me, kicks me, pulls my hair, drags me around the house but this has been going on since I was four. And because of this, I am, in a way, quite twisted.

I am anti-social, paranoid, angry, depressed, and I have the darkest thoughts. I involuntarily think of ways to kill people. And they're very imaginative... Because of my parents, I believe that there is no good in this world, and because of them, I hate humans. I honestly do.

When I am severely angry or severely upset, I am dangerous. I can seriously hurt someone. But I reach the limit of my insanity, and I'm someone I can't even recognize. I am suicidal. I want to drug, smoke and drink myself to death (but I have never done any of this). I harm myself, harm others, attempt suicide, scream, shout, break things, and worst of all, I insult Allah and Islam.

Because of this burden, I've lost my faith in Allah, humanity, myself, happiness in fact in everything. I have no hope, no ambition, no motivation. People always say that atheism is happiness, but I am more unhappier than I have ever been in my life. I went from a faithful good Muslim to a hateful sadistic misanthrope.

I have stopped praying and reading the Quran. My family often tell me to pray, but all I think is, "Where is Allah? Why won't Allah help me? Why does Allah help other people who do so much worse, but never me?" But I want to love Allah and Islam again. I don't know where to start. I don't know how to begin. I want to be happy. I want to know that Allah will always be there for me.

Please help. I'm so scared that I might succeed in committing suicide next time.

Annalyn Amber

As salam alaikum- I am a 33 year old married man living happily with my wife and kid.

My mother expired 7 years back but before her death when I was unmarried and living with my family there was horrible violence and abuses shared among our family members.

Even after the death of my mom my 2 sisters dont talk with me and my father though my father is living with them they are constantly abusing each other. Both my sisters are very ill now they are almost on bed every second day.

I really feel sorry for them as they are in pain but still their hearts are full of hatred against me and my father they just dont want to talk with me and my father. What went wrong in our family? We are highly qualified people.

Please advise me. I can email you all the personal details of my family regarding age/name/DOB. Please help me as I want my sisters to be healthy and start talking with me and my father. I really love my family, is there something in my house or something done to my sisters and our family?

Allah hafiz

- ishaikh

Salaam,

My brother is turning 17 in four days. For as long as I can remember, he has been my father's least favorite (its obvious, he gets blamed for EVERYTHING, he is called names all the time, etc) and my mother's pride and joy (she has said to my face that I will never be as good as him, or as likeable, and she will never give me the rights she gives to my brother). Generally, my father's family is neutral towards him and my mother's family knows him to be the best of all of the children because he was the first boy.

Recently, my father has been very emotionally abusive towards my brother. He is blamed for anything and everything, for example the TV not working, the university not responding to his application, and the weather not turning out as the forecast said it would.

Also, my brother will be attending university next year inshallah, so he has to move away. He has been very desperate to move away as soon as possible, even before he has a house there. He says he can live in his car.

A few times, my brother threatened to run away when he was angry, and he would have if my mother didn't stop him. But yesterday, my parents took him to his high school to get his end-of-the-year report card, and apparently a girl ran up to him and hugged him, saying that she missed him so much. My dad instantly made up a story about her being my brother's girlfriend and accused my brother of committing zina. This really angered my brother and my brother packed his suitcases to run away. My dad said that he would call the police and tell them that my brother was driving without a license, but that didn't stop my brother. My mother was able to get my brother to wait until morning before leaving, and he did, and today he keeps trying to run away. I'm afraid that he won't listen to my mother anymore.

Please advise me about what to do. I can't talk to him about this or he will beat me for interfering in these matters. What can I possibly do?!!

Jazakallah.

- young_muslimah

Assalaam, I was sexually abused by my father from the age of 8-17yrs. By 18 I had enough strength to put an end to all the form of abuse. I was in contact with my neighbour who was a childhood friend. We grew really close, just over the phone may I add, as I was never allowed out. I confided in him before my family knew. I finally had enough of the emotional abuse by now & my family blaming me for having an attitude, thats when I told them the truth to why dad hated me now, & why I wad constantly threatend by him. anyway, I ended up marrying my neighbour.

He knows everything about my past and we've been married 2years and have a little baby. Everytime we argue he bring up my past. He's very controlling and when I answer him back he tells me he's not my dad. & I shouldn't be taking it out on him. I'm over my past but I think its affected him more than its affected me. As I'm happy I'm out of the life I had its my iman that helped me try get over it.

I just don't know how to control the situation when we argue he drags my past into it. I get very defensive or just unintentionally blank out. Then he feels like I'm ignoring him.

He doesnt want me going to my mothers house if my brother in laws there. I hardly talk around him. I don't even give him eye contact. But my sister and her husband are always at my mums. I feel like im taken away from my family because of his over protectiveness. Please help.

Wasalaaam.

-umamelia

salam, if u remember i told my story here before..i met my 3rd husband, and i thought because he have beard and does his prayer,he is a good muslim man..at first he is very kind towards me and to my kids..we just married 6 months ago and now i am pregnant with his child.i am 20 weeks pregnant with my 3rd child alhamdulillah.ive been into a bad relationship before..my 1st and 2nd husband are too abusive towards me,physically,emotionally and verbally..my 2nd ex husband abandon me and his son..now this is my 3rd marriage..he was uk born but originally from morocco.

he do his prayer 5x but after 1 month of our marriage,he ask someone to be his 2nd wife but that woman reject him..my husband is 21 yrs old and no job.my mum is helping us in terms of foods and bills..my 1st ex husband is helping me too financially..my husband start joining a singlemuslim.com and start finding for a 2nd wife..luckily he find one.shes the same moroccan like him..i called that woman and beg her not to marry my husband for he is not financially capable,but it seems that i cannot stop both of them.my husband start become abusive towards me whenever im textng that woman and asking her not to marry my husband..my husband start asking me to leave the house and take my kids..he become physically abusive aswell..once he slap me in my mouth and my lips start bleeding.hes calling me so many bad names such dog,bitch,desperate dog,prostitute..

he recently grab my neck for the reason that im not giving my mobile to him.hes calling that woman using my minutes and im the one whos paying for that bills..alhamdulillah im practicing muslima.i wear abaya and niqab coz i know im the respect of my husband..i change a lot since i married him.i pray 5x and even praying tahajud prayer..i read quran and trying my best to please Allah swt and my husband..im not against with polygamy..coz Allah swt allowed polygamy..but what Allah swt aswell say in the quran to marry of ur choice,either 1,2,3,or 4 but if u fear that u cant treat them equally then marry only one..since my husband is not stable and not capable financially,how could he be so selfish and think of having another wife for his own benefit..he couldnt even buy my clothes but i dont mind for i am not materialistic,nor i married him for money reasons..he dont have job and hes planning to go to university this coming school day..

the woman he wants to marry is divorced and she got 2 kids from her ex husband..and ive got wo kids myself plus the one in my tummy,my kids are still young aged 3 yrs old and 10months old...he keep disrespecting me an dtelling me how bad i am whenever he is on the phone talking to that woman..he even telling her how good person she is not like me and he can tust her but he cannot trust me..im his wife and i dont know why hes treating me like this.he evn calling me money hunger when i never even ask him even for a single penny.if my mum give me money,i used to buy something for him and for my kids and nver think about buying for myself.if i do the grocery,im buying food that he likes not what i like.he evn asking me to buy his cigarette and ask me money to pay his bills..im giving him and even asking my friend if i dont hve money.how cud he call me a money hunger when i nevr ask him nothing from him at all..

he is too unfair.i dont watch tv nor listen to music,im doing things to please Allah and him. but in the end im still the bad one.i dont know what else i have to do to make him happy.even i told him that he can get marry though but atleast wait till he got a job and finish his studies.i dont know how he would cope up having two wife and ive got 2 kids and the other one got 2 kids aswell plus i am pregnant.he dont have job and want to go to school.my mum is complaining that shes getting old and keep telling me that im not her responsibility but becoz she feel pity towards my kids thats why shes helping us.i am feeling so ashamed wallah but what to do.my husband keep beating my older daughter.

i keep telling him not to hurt him coz she is just a child..but he said he wants to discipline he.how could he hurt a child and knowing that it is not his own child.just today,he beat her face and theres a bruise all over the face especially the eye part of my daughter.her mouth bleed aswell..i dont know exactly what he have done to her..he told me that he slap her coz shes too naughty and dont want to listen to him..i went outside to buy our food and pay the electric bill when it happened..before he beat her in her bum aswell and bruise all over her bum..now he beat her in the face..most of the time,he keep beating her and telling me that hes beating her coz shes too naughty and annoying..i cried a lot today and dont know what i have to do..

i wanna leave him coz i dont want to take risk maybe he can kill us..my husband mum dont like me coz shes thinking im using black magic to his son astagfirullah..and shes thinking im using his son..i dont know for what reason,shes thinking like this..when she knows that his son is not working and im contributing in the house more than his son.the hous eof my husband is a council house,so hes not paying for this.all the time if we had  a fight because of that woman he wanna get marry,he keep telling me to leave his house..im tryin gmy best to be a good wife,im cooking for him,clean his house,wash his clothes and wash it using my hands even..prepare his food..

im doing everything to please him.i dont know why he still keep hurtin me..i don tknow why this men love hurting me when im doing my best to be good to them.ya Allah,Allahu alam how im trying my best to stay with him.this is my 3rd marriage and i dont want this marriage to be failed again like my 1st and 2nd marriage..my 1st and 2nd marriage,even they are hurtin me,i never leave them coz i fear allah but they gave me divorce.now whenever me andmy husband are ok and if i start telling him maybe one day i will leave you coz of him hurtin gme,he will tell me that if u will do that,allah will gonna give u punishment coz u ran away from ur husband..

but most of the time he keep telling me to go and blame me coz im not obedient wife,hes telling that im not obedient wife coz i dont accept that he will get another wife..hes telling me that im so ungrateful wife whenever im telling him to do his obligation as a husband coz im feeling shy to ask my mum for money every now and then..my mum is complaining a lot an dtelling me that  i always end up in a wrong man..pls give me a good advice..wallah i dont know how would i cope up with my 3rd marriage..wassalam..i badly need an advice my sister and brother.

-ysrah

Just remove the darkness and there will be light...

Hello. . My husband  is muslim. I am not of the Islamic faith but have great respect for it and its people. My husband has been very,in my mind, innapropriate in front of our 2 yr old daughter. He told me in ++++ it is common for a uncle to bathe with his niece or nefew. He also says that fathers are naked around their daughters so I thought this was a cultural thing and didn't say anything. But he plays with his private parts in front of our daughter and pulls it out and asks if I want to do sexual things with it. Now my daughter screams when I leave her alone with him and she is acting badly regressing to younger behavior and rubs up against me in a sexual manner. She also refuses to ever let me clean her down there especially after they have been alone for a day. This is just a small part of everything.

I spoke to her doctor who is also from ++++ and he says that ++++ men are not this open in front of their children. And refered me to the police and child protective services. I please need help. Could someone please tell me if ++++ parents have sexual relations in front of toddlers? Is it common for a father to play with himself in front of a 2 year old girl? He just pulls "it" out and she is standing right there. He also does naked thrusting with his hips so "it" dances around while she is watching. I hate to consider that he is not being a good father but it seems very bad to me. Please help me to know if this is usual for a muslim man. That you so much for your time and understanding.

The sister has been married for around 12 years and has 4 children today. She has been experiencing domestic violence on regular basis since marriage but it started of slowly with facial slaps, harsh wordings and his families interference. He was her choice but her family did not approve of it, and that caused a sort of dilemma as she felt that she could not go back to her family because of her decision - and had to swallow the violence she experienced.

Now the situation is this that 2009 and 2010 the beating got so severe that her jaw structure came out of joint and it literally says click when she chews food. Also the magnitude of violence was on a such level that he basically kicked her while she was lying on the floor and he sat on her stomach and punched her fists on her face and head while the children were watching She had a severe head ache for several days.

He also used to call up on his family members and expressed that he had done some beating ... But at the end he just said to her that it was her own fault ... Also when ever a argument occurred he always said "Oh so you want your Khula eh. go ahead take your Khula cause that is what you really want!" - and what she only tried to do was to express her views on certain matters and issues. But he always said sentences like "you are like a dogs tale and will never correct your self" etc. etc.

The situation has been so intense and severe that she cut her self with blade because of stress and has lost a lot of hair due to stress. You can literally see her scalp .... The children, specially the second youngest is so disturbed that he requires a shrink at the children's institute, (only 4-5 years old). A normal evening in their home is with the father continuously shouting and scolding about "stop that what you are doing" - "stay quite for gods sake" - at several point the children also got facial slaps because the did not do as told. According to child custody agent, the children and her self suffer from something called "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder".

Today she has on a certain level, moved out from his apartment but he is doing everything he can to "win" her back. He is constantly messaging her about how he cries during the night and how much he misses his children etc. etc.

She has asked for Khula but she is afraid her Khula will be rejected because the husband is very close ties to the Masjid and the people inside the Masjid. He has basically expressed to her that "I have sorted out all my sources and the imam has explained that your Khula is baseless and the imam said that the fact that she gave him "children" is the same is giving forgiveness for what has occurred" - but according to her she gave him children with the thought that he would change. The one at the Masjid want to push her towards a meeting where the sisters brother, the imam and the husband are there, and she feels that they will push her to take him back by pressurizing her to consent. He also expressed towards her that you are destroying the children by doing what you are doing and that she is being unfair towards him ...

The father is in touch with his children every second week and is giving the children a time of their life by going out to eat, purchasing things for them etc. and now the children are expressing that they miss their father. He is entitled to one phone call during a week, according to child custody institute, so he can talk with them. And obviously, when ever he calls, the children burst out in cries etc. "We miss him, we miss him". That in it self is causing a dilemma in  her about what to do.

She made her first istikhara about moving out and it came out positive and she left his place. She has then made a second istikhara and saw her self with a new husband in a new place where all were extremely happy ... But she is in a dilemma. All of her friends incl. her own sister are  saying that you should not take him back because of his violence behavior. But she on the other hand feels uncertain because of the children she still feels unsure about what to do.

(We have only mentioned the part of his husbands behavior. But there is more to it as the mother lives with the son, and has a elder sister who is/was strongly involved in every decision making part of their life, but we have left that part out - but we wish to add that He has even expressed "she is eldest, she knows best", so his sisters decision overrules his wife's wishes and requests. Also his own father was an abuser ... so one can only understand that he see's it as being normal behavior...)

(We  need some serious advice, so she can find the strength to make the right decision and not feel weakened by the cry of her children, when ever he calls or when he msg's her - and help her to be proactive and doing something about her Khula. We feel that she should leave him, even with four children because the children and her, do not deserve a man like that. We are trying to tell her "that think, if something had gone wrong under the fist beating. IF she become partially paralyzed ... or what if she had died under that severe beating...)

She has a brother but he is very attached to the Masjid and to this "imam" who they both (husband and brother) look up to and use for consultation. Brother, imam and husband are only interested in reconciliation but we simply don't understand why her Khula is being rejected. They will only take her case is she will do reconciliation otherwise she will remain alone yet "married".

So she is alone on this case and has no one who can help her with it - that is why she feels weak, that she will be consumed by these "males" who are the decision making authority in Shari'a.

We have given her some phone numbers to certain sheikhs inside and outside the country to get sincere advice but she is afraid to make that phone call.

So the main question is:

Q1: Now that she has four children with him, should she still consider to take him back? or is it better for her to be without him and continue her life by putting her faith in Allah and her istikhara about a new husband where all were happy including the children?

I hope you guys can give her some motivating words so she can find the strength in her to make that phone call and be proactive about her Khula.

And can people in  here issue a khula on her behalf so her iddat can begin?

Thanks.

salams everyone

I am 21 year old muslim girl.I was sexually abused when I was 7 years old .

No one at my home knows and I can´t even think of telling this to anyone. I at times get jealous of all the girls who are virgins.

This clearly depicts that I am no more a virgin, this has affected my studies so badly. I can´t get over the thoughts..I can´t tell this to anyone because then its me who will be blamed for everything.

I try to stay happy infront of everyone but noone knows what I am going through..I cry alot and ask ALLAH that why did this happen to me.  I am not even able to lead a peaceful life.  I am even scared that when I will be married,   my husband is for sure going to divorce me when he finds out that I am not a virgin...at times I even think of committing suicide.

I can let my parents and brothers let down because of me..I need your help.

Can a guy on the wedding night find out that the girl is not a virgin?

Please help me out.:S.

helpless

Now I'm on high medicines for depression. Because of what has happened in my life I force myself not to follow islam did the things i shouldnt do. But I didn't enjoin that life then i realize i what am i doing?

Same things that their dad used to do? No i want to be a good example mother for my kids. I met my 2nd husband at work 3yrs ago. He didn't know 1st anything about me, he used to think im just like British born spoilt girl. When he said he loves me then i told him everything. After knowing my past he wantd me to marry.

None of my family was happy with my decision only my kids were with me. Now i been married for a year. I'm suffering from Mental illness and Eating disorder. Since im marrid with him his problem is my sis who lives few miles away. She doesn't follow Islam. But when i was in need of help she was there for me who stopped her work when i was in the hospital.

I don't have any family or friends. Also my kids and her kids no families r here for them. Because I moved in different city. My parents are back home. My sis is also a lone parent. She has few male friends who like her brother. She wont get marrid again in her life because she was raped while she was at her husband. Because her male friends come around, my husband wont let me go to her house not even with my kids. Now im in the middle. Kids will tell me we want to spend some time with family?

They don't have any problem with my husband. His conditions is me to choose him or my sis? I love him and I want to spend my life with him until my death. Also i can't leave my sis sake of my kids and her kids. One side he says im a best wife and mother, hes my witness. But soon as i talk about my sis, he says I'm a disobedient wife.

Now he wants me to ask for divorce from him. I'm so down and upset and asking Allah to help me. Is it in Islam husband can divorce wife just for this reason? Please advice me what should I do?? Help me sake of Allah.

- Jannat786