Muslimah at Peace

Salaam Brothers and Sisters

Currently I am Christian by birth and family, but I do not practice it. I haven't for a long time. I believe the miracle birth of Jesus(pbuh) but I can't believe he is God. I was taught to serve no other god, God alone. I only pray to God as I know He the only merciful and loving God. I have never felt so sure about anything else in my life.

I have been researching Islam and I know in my heart that this is what God has prepared for me. Everyday I change more and more to become the person God wants me to be. I live in a non-muslim community and it makes it difficult for me. The only info I get is from the internet and on tv. I wish I could go to a masjid to plead my case and get support, but I don't have one near me.

As a mother I also don't know  where to start with my kids. They are still young, but they pray every night to God and Jesus (pbuh). This breaks my heart as they already believe that everything must be asked in Jesus's(pbuh)  name. How do I change this?

My problem is I have 2 kids from a previous marriage and not in contact with my ex-husband, but the kids are. They go visit him and his family. My other concern is if and when I do convert, do I need their father's consent? I have legal custody of the children, but can he stop me? We do not eat haraam food in my house. I'm also afraid that he will feed them haraam food and do haraam things just to spite me.

Can anyone please help with parenting advice?

~Loving Parent

]]> http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/i-want-to-convert-to-islam-but-i-dont-know-where-to-start-with-my-kids/feed/ 12 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/i-am-comfused-over-my-divorce/ http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/i-am-comfused-over-my-divorce/#comments Mon, 06 Feb 2012 19:18:06 +0000 worried http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=38864

I am 24 years old and have a 2 year and 7 months old daughter. My husband was a catholic but converted himself to islam to marry me. Though my family was against our marriage later they were fine with it. three months after marriage I found out that he was a drug addict. He never could do a job for more than few weeks and he would mentally torture me asking for money. I loved him truly and honestly and went through a lot of humiliation and pain because of his addiction. I had to borrow money from people I know to pay his debts. He pawned everything he could to get money for his drugs.

It was his parents who financially supported us and there were always physical fights and between him and his father because he used to steal things and money. Several times he was taken for treatments and though he promised never to go back to it it was always lies. He continuously tortured me mentally asking for money and making me borrow from everyone I knew. I once took the medicine he was using and was not in my usual senses for days. I cut my hand, burnt myself with his cigarettes and fell on his feet begging him to stop. I said we will go somewhere far away and live if he wants to if being in the city is dragging him towards it.

He even was in a rehab center for one and a half months but he never stopped. I threatened him with divorce but although he always cried and asked me to forgive and give him another chance, he never changed. Once I even went looking for the place where they sold these drugs and cried and begged them not to sell these stuff its ruining my whole life. After sometime they had left the place. During this time I got pregnant and came to be with my mum as I was suffering with morning sickness for all of the 9 months. even during this time his mental torture did not cease. When my baby turned 4 1/2 months I decided to find myself a job because my in laws who were supporting us were in the attitude of I have to take care of him no matter what his behavior was as they were supporting me. I stopped every help I received and did my job.

I always completed my duties as a wife and always tried to help him get over it. I begged him to find a job and take care of me and my daughter because I did not want to work. I wanted to be a house wife and take care of my family. But he only ignored me and said he was trying. In this stage my mum and brothers were begging me to divorce him that they will take care of me and my child. But I loved my husband more than anything and I could not think of a life without him. I wanted him to be a good father to my daughter and for us to have a have a happy family. But things got bad to worse.

He had stolen things from a neighbors house and was remanded and then beaten by the police and I had to look after him as he was wounded. At this stage life was so hard because my baby refused to take anything else other than my milk. I filled bottles of my milk in the mornings before i left to work and was having a terrible time there too. when i come home as i set foot after 08 hours work and crushed in heavily crowded buses after office hours my mum will show me the bottles with the untouched milk as the baby had refused to take them in. I will bathe and nurse my baby till the next day morning without any sleep.

At this stage my father in law threatened me that he will take away my child if i dont take good care of his son. This is when I decided to go ahead with the divorce. I got separated from him and during this period he and his family begged me and promised me they will make him a good man and will give me back the husband i want and the father I wanted for my daughter. But my mother and brother who were suffering seeing me suffer made me firm in my decision.

Although I loved him I had no choice as I felt someday I will have only Allah and my family with me. When I refused to listen to him and when I refused to see him he feared that this time things were not easy for him and somehow his family and friends got him into the rehab for one year. During this time I got my fasah divorce. I was taking care of my daughter with my job and I thought I got over my husband and was able to forget him. But when he returned from the rehab he wanted to meet me to confess and give promises to take care of me and my child. But I never met him nor did I have any kind of communication with him. The time he was allowed to see my daughter while I was away my daughter who knew that everyone had a dad was thrilled to know she had a dad too and she wanted his love.

She was overwhelmed and happy with his presence. I realized then that I still love him too and a great urge to see him and talk to him was emerging. But I am still able to control myself. He has fallen on the feet of my brother and pleaded with him to give him another chance to make up for all what I went through. My whole family says no. That I am already divorced and there is no more chances. They are planning to give me in marriage again soon. But now deep inside I feel that I should give him another chance. But my mum says no way. They will find a good husband for me insha allah who will be a good husband as well as a good father. But I highly doubt that. Who ever it be will never be able to fulfill the love of a father.

I don't want to go through another turmoil in my life. My daughter needs her father and now I am having second thoughts about the divorce. I dont know if divorcing him was the right decision I took and now how can I build up my future with my daughter?? I have no faith in a marriage to another person. But I have to be obedient to my family too. They ask me what guarantee I have that he will not go back to drugs and torture me the same way again. I am now in a state of depression. I have ruined my whole life and now my little daughter also is a victim.

What do I do now?? Please advise me. I am crying even while I am typing.

~Worried

I got a question for you. If my wife asks for divorce when she's angry don't know what she's doing then shall I give her a divorce or what?

What does Islam says about it and what about if she asks for it when shes not angry what should I do shall I divorce her or what?

~Maztheboss

Assalama Alaikum,

I am a Filipina married in Phillipines 2 years ago and I had one son with Syrian guy.

Unfortunately, there are many differences about me and him. Personality differences, inability to sustain my financial needs, poor in hygiene, etc.

Now we are leaving to go to his country. I want to get divorced and Inshalla, if there is a right man for me in the future, there is no problem in my status. And also what are my rights for my baby? Can I file a divorce in his country or in my country?  Please help me in your advice.

Thank you so much!

~Lyn

Aoa I really need help I'm so confused I've been married for a 1 1/2 years and my husband has been cheating on me and this was an arranged marriage and  he's not legal here in US.

I gave him so many chances and he always apologises and then does the samething. He's still talking to that girl. I don't know what to do. My parents are with me they want me to leave him cause they think when he gets his papers he's gonna leave me they don't trust him anymore.

I told his parents about this and they say everything is going to be OK, that I should wait "sabar karo". I hate that I've been waiting for a year and he's still the same. My confusion is that I do love him and I don't want to ruin his future; if I leave he's not going to be legal.

I don't trust him anymore cause he's always lying. I just don't want anything bad for him when I leave so please help me. I also tried doing istikhara for two days but didn't see anything.

Asalam-0-alaikum

It is said that the marriages are settled in the heavens and couples meet together in this world, but then why do the couples separate by divorces?

If the husband gives three instant written divorces to his wife as khula , and if she does not want it but husband forcely shows her written messages on mobile text asking for unintentional 3 divorces just in fighting, and husband without knowing her inner feelings and facts divorces her as a revenge and that woman never remarries in her lifetime,  then will she be joined with her husband in life after death if she wished to be?

And in case if she remarries then with whom she will be in paradise?

Please reply.

~Leelu

If my husband won't financially support us, even though he has plenty of money, can I divorce him? We haven't talked with each other for 5 months now. The impression I'm getting he doesn't want to be with me so he pushing every nerve in my veins so that I make the first move.

My love for him is nothing. There is nothing there, I can't stand his presence, we tried sorting the financial side buts he's not keeping up his end of the bargain, and if this keeps up I'll be in all debt as he doesn't care.

Help plz

~A2010

I am a married woman who has converted to Islam and I want to marry a Muslim man.

What should I do if my ex-husband (who is Christian)  doesn't want to have annulment with me?

Can I still marry a Muslim man?

~Vangienunu

I'm contemplating divorce.

Each time my husband fights with me because we have disagreement, he orders me that I should leave and return to my mothers home and he  threatens to take my son away from me and kick me out of my marital home.  He has formed a habit of continuing this daily.

He declares that his sisters and brothers are better than me in thousands of ways in keeping home and loving the children.  He does this to blackmail me, he bluffs in every talk to turn me out of my home.

The more he has started to insult me and humiliate me in front of my son the more that I am just suffering. Now that things are getting out of my hands and he will play  lies to my own family. I don't have enough finance to support a court divorce to fight him, what should I do where do I get help?

I am  at my wits end, he is driving me emotionally upset I'm unable to ask anyone for help

Please help, should I contact police or a solicitor to complain about domestic abuse and divorce due to abusive relationship with my pakistani husband?

~ Muniba

Salam to all.

I'm a Doctor and have been married for a year. My husband married me for the sole reason that I will be an earning hand for him and his family. He never admits this but his behaviour is evident of this statement. By the way, he and his family never told us the real reason.HE wanted me to live with his family, work, earn, while he is away. He wanted me to look after him and his financial needs. He took all my pay. I refused to give it,  telling him that I want to live with him.

His family disliked my decision and their behaviour changed. My mother in law gets enough money to support her family. They are not poor. Yet every month she asks for money from her son and due to this my husband can't take care of my needs. Secondly, our lives and decisions are controlled by mother in law and she isn't leaving us at peace.

I don't have a father in law and my husband can't keep me well. He doesn't listen to me. He has told me that for him his family comes first and then rest.

I have left him and am now with my parents. He hasnt called me for 3 months. I have decided for formal separation. He cant divorce me because then he has to pay a large dowry.

What am I supposed to do?

~ Mahadiya