Salaam waleikum waragmatoelah hibrakatoe my dear Brothers and Sisters,

Before starting May Allah soebhaan wataa'Aalah bless everyone and give them what is best for them.And I start this post in the name of Allah, that we all may learn from it and grow wiser.After a long time I am posting a question once again, my third question post in total.

My dear brothers and sisters I have stumbled once again upon a difficult matter and I was hoping you could be of any assistance, because even though I don't know you. I would trust you blindly as my dear brothers and sisters. (Shout-out to Wael & Maria) May Allah grant you the best.

I actually have two questions but they are in link.

Personal Info:

Name:...
Age: 19
Country: Netherlands
Ethnicity: Pakistani/British
Education level: I can start a Bachelor Education if I want to, I haven't completed one yet.

I was doing a education Management, Economics and Law. But I dropped out after 5 months, this January 2012. For some reason I was not satisfied with this education as I felt it was taking me no where in life where I actually could do what I really wanted to do.I really want to help people, mostly my brothers and sisters who are suffering a lot at the moment in different countries, especially Palestine.

To help or run a business you need Money, therefore I am trying to find something in life with which I can make a lot of money InshAllah I will achieve my goal, regardless of anything.

Goals;
- Start a foster home for children who have no parents, family, etc. Educate them and bring them up as great muslims.
- Work together or own a company which does humanitarian work and help out those in need.
- Help my Ummah and make us strong again.
- Prepare for the coming of Dhajjal and Imam Al-Mahdi, Also Isa Allayhi Assalaam, InshAllah if I may be so blessed.
- Also learn the Quran by heart and reach the level of sheikh on certain aspects, so I will always act with knowledge and can also share knowledge and educate muslims.
- Open free muslim schools where young, ethusiastic and bright muslim students can learn the Quran and Tafseer also to continue the journey set out my Almight Allah Soebhaan Wataa'Aalah.

See practically I know what I want to do in life, I just simply can't find the right way to start the road.

My plan was to become a police officer, to do good deeds in the meantime and also run a company. But being a police officer you also get to know how the kuffar work, think and run their place. I would learn ''self defence'' techniques & technology and pass on this knowledge to my Muslim brothers and sisters to defend themselves. (If people want to call me an extremist or whatsoever that is fine, I do not mind I am a Jihadi InshAllah, not a terrosist. I am a Muslim and I wish to be like the companions of the Prophet peace and blessings upon them were. For anyone thinking I wanna blow up myself or anything irrelevant stupid)

But lately I keep having a bad feeling. Mind you that I haven't made this decision without doing istakhaarah. I applied myself for the Police force in The Netherlands. I haven't received an invitation for a conversation yet so I don't know if they will take me or not, but nonetheless I put my Faith in Allah soebhaan wataa'Aalah. I have read articles but nothing that hits the nail on its head about the fact that being a worker for the government in other words enforcing kuffar laws and abiding by them you are doing Shirk as you are undermining Allah soebhaan wataa'Aalah laws and as you can see no Muslim would want this of course.

Now I don't know if working in the police force will be halal for me or not and if its the right job for me.  Please advice me on this, if its haram I will leave the application and not join, If its Halal I will ask Allah for guidance and proceed with Allah's blessings InshAllah.

Next question is If it becomes clear that working in the police force, military, etc in a Western country is Haram or Allah doesn't want me to follow that path then I have become utterly clueless as what to do with my education.

If I want I can take any Bachelor education I want to I am not restricted by options other then the fact what will get me in a haram position and what not.

I sincerely do not know which education to take and what to do and every time I think about this I get really stressed out like everything is failing. I have never quit anything in my life, this is the first time I ever stopped a education in the middle cause I didn't feel like it. ( I was studying in the economic sector).

The steps I have taken;

I have looked at all the educations as to which one I would like the most or which one would benefit me the most. I do not want to choose a education and then stop again because It was a wrong choice or I didn't feel like it.

ICT is interesting as its the future and I can mean a lot. (make islamic websites or help with problems, etc, like the malware problem) This is a home to many muslims with many problems world wide, even non-muslims!

Business, is something I am really good at, but I am not the type to be sitting 24/7 in a office doing math and stuff, if there is one thing in business which speaks to me the most its becoming a businessman (traveling, negotiating, etc). I sometimes really hate it to read certain business books as I find them to manipulative, this consumer rage, etc. I annoys me how despicable some company and people are, therefore I find it hard to study such material and then fail to remember and fail the tests.

Other then this, I sincerely do not know which path to follow or what to do. I have no motivation for any education I see momentarily. This is something that annoys me as I cannot waste time and I have to reach my goals InshAllah. (Mind you that the education that speaks to me the most is becoming a quran hafeez and knowing the tafseer, arabic language, etc. But this is not possible at the moment Astagfirullah, because I cannot go to Mekka or anywhere else to learn it properly and my parents won't allow me of course).

Please help me to find, see or understand which path to follow or how to figure out which path to follow. I asked Allah soebhaan wataa'Aalah and maybe this is one of the process I have to undergo to figure it out, asking my dear brothers and sisters.

If I have forgotten anything please let me know and I will add information a.s.a.p.
I will become great in the name of Allah no matter what, but every man starts small and alone until he is supported by brothers and sisters which will make him fly high, with the guidance and blessings of Allah.

I am really sorry if I have hurt any ones feelings or said anything bad in accordance with Allah's Law. Please forgive me All the mistakes are mine and all the good is from Allah soebhaan wataa'Aalah.

May Allah soebhaan wataa'Aalah bless us all and grant us that which is best for us. I love you all my dear brothers and sisters.

Ps: Not to rush as I know IslamicAnswers has a lot of topics to cover, but could this please be posted before february, so I atleast know what to do. (Because in february most educations start ''again'').

But of course answer comes with the time allocated by Allah, there fore Sabir and I would love to hear from you soon InshAllah.

Raja.

Salaam. Im 22yrs old and am a girl. my problem is very difficult and rare. my parents used to love me so much till my high school.. i was one of the best students in my class and my dad always appreciated me for being good in studies. even my mom loved me. but not anymore.

i hav an elder sister. after my high school i started losing interests in studies didnt remain a topper although i always passed with a distinction but didnt get any positions. i had to appear in medical entrance test in which i didnt qualify. my dad didnt scold me or hurt me but he encouraged me to move on.

i again gave the test but didnt get selected 2nd time as well.. this also my dad supported me. now im doing a simple graduation not MBBS.. where as my elder sister is doing Engineering.

my family has never discriminated b/w me and my elder sister but now i some how feel they have started neglecting me, although they have not said anything verbally knowing that im an extremely emotional weak person. my family shows that they care for me and treat my sister and me equally but i feel that my parents who never treated us unequally have started treating me in a different manner because im mostly at home and im not doing anything special other than a simple graduation.

i sometimes feel im wrong in thinking so and blaming my parents but things happening around me make feel that im right. as i have already mentioned, me and my sister were always treated equally but now small differences make me insecure about my parents love..like i feel they got her a new car and i wasnt given because i dont go to any Engineering college. i was told they will get it later when they get more money. i accepted happily. but then they got more money and brought a new Computer for my sister and i was given the old one with the promise that they will get me a new one as well when they more money...

they always got equal things for both of us but now they avoid me by saying that your sister needs it more.. they even got more clothes for her on last eid because she goes to college but then i cried alot and they came to know about it and they got me equal no.of clothes.. however now i feel things have started changing.. they tell me that they will get me whatever they got for my sister. but i know this will not happen...

i dont want these wordly things but yes i want their equal love and care..i want them to love me like they used to...i want them not to make any differences b/w me and my sister even on small money matters or big issues because its not money what matters but its the reason behind that.. it makes me feel that once if they treated us equally then why dont they do so anymore. and i feel and say to myself that they dont get me these things because i dont deserve them.

i always curse myself for not fulfilling my parents dream of becoming a Dr. my sister sometime fights with me on small issues but then she also taunts me and says that im BEKAAR and useless sitting at home and doing graduation.

i want to die because i love my family but i know committing a suicide is haraam. so that is what is stopping me from committing a suicide. i dont say that my parents dont love me at all. but being loved by them once ,i now feel they dont love me so much.. i always cry at night and due to this im always having health problems.

may Allah forgive me if im doubting my parents love but i cant help thinking this way because day by day i feel im useless for my family and they dont love and respect me like they used to do and i feel thay they love my sister more than they love me. i even told this to my dad once but he got so angry and scolded me so now onwards even if i feel this way i dont say it to them but only to Allah..

i do pray not 5 times but yes i do pray but this feeling keeps me distracted always.. please help me urgently.. please

- pari

The thing is I havent done internship. I need Internship certificate to appear for an exam.
In my region a lot of students dont do internship but get the certificate either through bribes or pulling a few strings.
If I get the certificate by pulling a few strings and then use it on my CV or to give future exams, will that make my future earnings haraam?
I repaet I'll get it through pulling strings and not through bribes. please reply soon.

-portia

Assalamu Alaikum,

I'm from the UK and I need some Islamic advice on marriage. I am not going to make it long so basically, I met this guy when I was 16 and he was 18 and he is white and recently converted to Islam. We met each other through our friends; we used to hang out and that's how we met really.

We started speaking to each other through e-mail which meant we got to know each other more and more, but it was nothing intimate, then our friendship grew and we started hanging out more and I started helping him out with prayers from the Qu'ran and any Islamic help he needed etc. Well, its been about a year now that we have been still speaking and our relationship has grown a lot closer since we first spoke and have sort of fell in love silly; yes! I know but its true.

We are both positive its not lust so instead of doing the wrong, we are planning on getting married some time soon or at least engaged because then we are not doing anything haram and our relationship will be halal.

But because he's British and white I am certain my family will not accept him and I believe its a stupid reason for not accepting somebody, he's an amazing guy and a good Muslim. I just wish there was a way that I could be able to convince them, because I am certain they will not accept him in without a doubt.

Also, another reason why I think they might not accept is because I am only 16 and he is 19 and I have only just started my A levels and they'd want me to finish my education first. But it says in the Quran if you can marry than you should right? Problem is I don't disagree with the age and wanting to finish my education I understand totally from my parents view its just we both know what we are doing is haram like meeting up. Although, we are not doing anything wrong but it is still haram; therefore, we don't want to be in a haram relationship especially one that we know is and we'd prefer if we got married to make it lawful.

He has also done istikhara couple of times and he said everytime he has done it, it lead him to me, and he wants to marry rather than us break up. His planning to move to Saudi inshallah in a years time to become a scholar, and wants me to come with him.

But, I am also worried because marriage is a big thing and I don't want to jump into it so fast; I would prefer to get married at 18 because its a reasonable age and my parents will be more understanding. But he is insisting on this he says we are both doing haram here and it can not continue like this, which I agree so we decided I either tell my parents or we break up and thats the end of us.

It really hurts me because I am scared because I feel like I know what my parents answer is going to be and my father would do anything to keep me away from him and I mean anything he'd even move me out of the country, and if that happens I would never be able to see him again. He has already spoken to the local Imam and he advised him that I speak to my parents as soon as possible and if there is anything wrong he is more than willing to come and help.

The problem is, I need to find some courage to go and speak to my father, its hard and he doesn't quite understand that bit. My father still see's me as a little girl and going to him at the age of 16 and saying I want to marry whilst my brother is 20 and he still hasn't said that would shock the life out of him.

I have already spoken to my mother and she doesn't really seem to understand she is more trying to push me away from him, saying you're too young don't fill your head with all this stress and how it most probably not going to work out etc. His past isn't great at all but since he converted to Islam he has changed into a completely different person, his family are Christians but his two younger brothers aren't they have also converted to Islam.

The problem I have is that his past and family will stop my parents from accepting him. It's really hard for me and I need to speak to both my parents either tonight or tomorrow because if we keep the Imam waiting he may think we are not as serious as we really are. I love this guy and he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life because he is good for me, my religion and also inshallah my life to come, at the moment he is not financially able to support me so that's sort of a problem. We haven't had the prefect relationship but then again every relationship has its issues but at the same time it doubts me a little whether these silly mistakes that happen will continue to happen when we marry or if we marry?

Also we are both very nervous about telling my parents because not only we are both sure they will deny him but I don't know how to tell them; I am scared of their reaction, or shall I say more terrified than scared. My parents are really strict and follow their traditions/culture so its going to be hard, so I don't know how to begin or what to begin with?

Also I want to know what happens if my parents refuse no matter what how hard we try to convince them, could we still get married? I am in need of advice as soon as possible so anything will be helpful at this stage.

JZAKALLAH KHAIR,

Muslim Sister.

Assalam O Alaikum,

I see many people have these discussions about which is better to raise the kids:

1) Public school and try to teach them Islam at home and weekend school?

2) Private Islamic schools?

Please let me know your opinions (whether you were a student your self, or your kids are) with Pros and Cons.  Jazakom ALLAH khair.

AA,

Just a Man.

I'm a 21 years old muslim girl, I have just graduated college to become a pharmacist, I knew a man since I was in high school. We weren't in contact all the time since then but we used to talk for times and off for times. First it started as friends because at that time I had no close person to talk to, my mom was busy and I have no sisters. So I found in him the person I could tell my secrets and my sadness. Even when I started to talk to him as a friend he wanted to meet my family so that we won't talk secretly but I was afraid of telling them because they wouldn't accept that idea and I'll lose him.

Then feelings developed between us and I loved him, he's really a good person he knows Allah well and he's a good muslim he helps peple and we used to remind each other of prayers in time and encourage each other of many kinds of good deeds. Since then he talked to my family to propose for me but surely got rejection as I was still studying and still young but the second main reason that made them say no and never because he had left school to work, he doesn't have a college degree and his family was "not as educated" as mine. After that we had no connection, he travelled to another country and started working and studying. Recently we talked again (that's after five years), he had taken many courses to get into a college and still didn't but started going to an academic institute that qualifies him for college. He came to visit my family again but still got rejection as they said "he'll get diploma while you have a respected bacheolar degree" and sometimes they said they'll never accept me to go away to live in another country

I hated my degree and I sometime wish I'm more simple and can have the person I love in halal rather than putting me in this situation. I truely believe he's good and honest and he's trying to continue his education while working and make a living. Also he's trying to build a financial support to come back and get married and live here. My mother said if you decided to marry him consider yourself no longer my daughter and we'll have no connection with you. I don't think that's fair to him or to me. I'm still waiting for him and I can't accept another person to be my husband because I don't think that will be fair to the man who loves me nor to the man to be my husband. Currently we're talking secretly and I don't want to do a sin and I think shaytan is getting closer to us when we do private talks I don't want these things to make us weaker. He says talk to me to help me in studying and I'm helping him.

He planned to get the diploma then we get married mean while he tires to finish college because it's hard to wait for another 5 years especially to him as a man living in a european country. But again my family said NO. Please help me I feel really lost, I'm sad all the time and I really don't know how to think. I refuse to accept that a person has to be punished for what his family did and made him behind in education and that he's trying to overcome that.

-muslima_pride

Assalam O Alaikum,

I met my husband when I was a 16 and he was 23, before I was Muslim. After talking on the phone for about a year and a half, we had a legal marriage, but no nikkah. I took a shahada shortly afterward, in 2006. We were living in different states at the time, and I cheated on my husband by kissing a guy I knew, on a few different occasions within a period of 3 months. I was mortified by what had happened, though I knew I was the only one responsible.

Everyone in my family hates Muslims, and I didn't know what to do or have anyone to ask; I had recently moved for college and didn't know any Muslims at all, but it was just before Ramadan. I spent the month repenting, begging Allah to forgive me and help me be a good Muslimah inshAllah and even attended Tarawih every single night, stayed for itikhaf and everything. I didn't tell my husband, as I was immensely ashamed of what I had done, and would cry every time I thought of it. I never ever went around another non-relative guy again, and never will; I never want to hurt my husband and love him immensely, plus I was more hurt than anyone by what I had done and am not stupid enough to do that to myself again. My husband and I later had nikkah, with both our families in attendance and the imam from my masjid as my guardian. We still live in different states and plan for me to move after I have graduated from my university, but our marriage is consummated.

Shortly after our nikkah, my husband began imploring me to tell him if there is anything I didn't tell him before the nikkah, over and over. I finally told him about the guy I kissed, and now he won't leave it alone. He interrogated me incessantly for several months, calling and texting me at all hours asking for every little detail, which I tried telling him as best I could. The problem is that the kissing incident happened YEARS ago, and I don't remember the kind of details he's asking for (how many seconds we kissed, what time it was, our exact location, the exact dates, what we were both wearing, whether we texted and what we said in exact words every time afterwards etc.etc. He's really obsessed with these kinds of details).

I keep telling him "I don't remember" these types of details, though I told him every minute detail I could possibly think of over and over again. He thinks I am lying and that I had sex with the guy and am using "I don't remember" to cover my tracks. He even made me sit with him and call the guy to ask for the details, while he listened in, and the guy verified everything I had said, but my husband still doesn't believe me. He thinks of really absurd reasons why he "knows" I'm lying to him, such as "it doesn't make sense you kissed him more than once and he didn't try to sleep with you" (the guy was a virgin and wanted to remain so until marriage--I told my husband this and he said I made it up to "cover my tracks"). He is positively convinced I'm lying and I am most certainly not. I tell him all the time to stop asking because I already told him everything hundreds of times. He says I'm trying to ignore the issue and make it go away instead of addressing it, and that he's not going to "sit back and be lied to" when he "knows better."

It has been almost three full YEARS since I told him, and his behavior hasn't changed. Sometimes he goes weeks without speaking to me because he's mad about "being lied to." I am supposed to finally move and live with my husband in a few months but am contemplating whether I shouldn't. His behavior toward me has been spiteful and cruel for the past three years, and nothing I do means anything or changes anything for him. He tells me love is stupid and overrated, and that it is childish of me to expect love, affection, caring, etc in a relationship; that I should worry about myself and not care about other people, what they think, do, etc. (meaning him, my husband).

He baits me calling me names and constantly reminding me that I cheated on him using that as an excuse to talk to whomever he wants. Recently, one of his old friends called asking him to come to the hospital while she gave birth, as no one else would be there (including the father). When I told my husband not to go, he was going on and on about how alone she was and how heartless I was to act like that. Finally, I got mad at him and told him to stop talking to me about it because I know he won't go and is just acting that way to make a point. Then he spends an hour giving me lectures about anger and how it's my fault I feel guilty and that's why I got mad at him. I think this is really ridiculous, as I know he's baiting me to get mad and then he uses that against me too, even though I will be patient for hours before finally getting mad when he does stuff like this.

I don't want to leave my husband, but I cannot live like this. I get phone calls and messages at all hours from him asking for details, telling me to relate the story over and over again. I have been immensely patient with him these past three years, when he calls during my exams to yell at me asking who I'm "into" from my classes. I am on track to be a professor and now he's telling me that unless I go to med school with him, so he can "see if I cheat on him with a doctor," he will never trust me and that my career as a professor is going to ruin my life. As for him, he does nothing to support me in any way, financially, emotionally, etc. When I talk to him about his actions going against Islam, he tells me I'm using our religion as an excuse and a diversionary. He doesn't physically abuse me, but I can't think straight most of the time and we haven't had a single conversation that didn't lead up to my cheating in years. He purposely acts even worse when I have midterms and finals, as he wants me to go to med school, then he insults me for being upset when I get 3.8s or 3.9s, whereas I have always gotten 4.0s my whole life. I don't want to leave him but I can't live like this OR get through to him.

My question is---should I go to live with him, and give him a chance to see my actions in person, hoping he will see I am trustworthy and would never betray him again? He has told me that he's going to make sure living with him isn't easy, because he "won't be fooled again," and also that I will be obligated to maintain myself financially. He won't trust me until I have gone through med school with him (though he's not anywhere near going himself)....or should I divorce him and stay in my own home, continue on my path and eventually remarry?

I really don't know what to do, have been praying istikhara and never missed a Tarawih prayer since my first Ramadan but still I don't know. I feel like my gut is in the middle. I know it is better not to divorce in Islam and I say I should be patient. Then I think "for how many more years," and "at what cost?"

HELP!!!

OneTwoThree.

Greetings!

Google tells me that the proper greeting to say here is "Assalamu Alaykum"! I consider myself a patriotic American, as well as someone who aspires to respect and appreciate all of the differences - cultural, religious, etc. - to be found not only across my country, but around the world.

It is with the usual sadness that I anticipate the anniversary of the horrible events of 9/11 next month, but it is also with some trepidation that once again, some in my country (and around the world) will unjustly blame those terrorist attacks with blanket prejudice against the entirety of Islam, and confuse Islam the religion with the political history and current events of the Middle East.

While I am glad that both then-President Bush as well as current President Obama have always been quick to denounce such wrong thinking; I also feel that it is the responsibility of each and every open-minded, rational-thinking, compassionate American - of EVERY religion and ethnic background - to take up some of the responsibility for combating such misunderstandings wherever we find them.

Education is a great lamp against ignorance. And so, while I have on more than one occasion foisted myself in a conversation about Islam I could tell was going in a bad direction ("Did you know that MOST Muslims in the world aren't even Arab?" "Did you know that there are Christian Arabs?" "Did you know that Islam espouses peace?"). I feel that I could go further in my understanding of contemporary Islam; in fact, as a member of this "melting pot" country of which Islam is a proud and integral part, I feel that I *should* go further in my understanding. ]

It's hard to adequately explain, but I think I feel like it's my way of paying tribute to all of those who lost their lives - including, my fellow Americans would do well to remember - many Muslim Americans. I doubt that any of them would have wanted their deaths to lead to more division and hatred in the world, and so in their memory. I would like to become someone more well-informed and given to greater compassion and understanding toward those of a different background than me. With that motivation, I stumbled across this incredible community.

I've lurked here for a couple of weeks, and I have been impressed not only by the sense of compassion displayed in the advice offered, but also that you all (editors as well as non-editors alike) seem both well-grounded in Islamic doctrine but also quite aware of "modern" issues. Many of you also seem to be living in Western countries.

Therefore! I would most value your guidance toward some reading material. I was an anthropology of religion minor in college, so I have a good bit of "textbook" knowledge of Islam but, I am now looking to read some personal stories. I am most interested in memoirs of Western-raised Muslims, particularly those who have converted. (By the way, is there a difference between "revert" and "convert"? I've seen both terms used and am unsure of their definitions.) A search in Amazon using the terms "Islam convert memoir" unfortunately gives me mostly autobiographies of former Muslims who have converted to Christianity (obviously NOT what I was looking for, ugh!), or stories that highlight the political situation in the Middle East. (Now, certainly issues in the Middle East are among the most defining current events of our times, and I try to stay apprised of the news, BUT I am more looking for stories of the heart right now.)

I would also like to hear about Islam in the societies that don't make the headlines for political unrest. I am quite fascinated by India, Malaysia, Morocco and Indonesia, for example, and hope to travel to them all someday -- all countries with huge Islamic populations that have little at all to do with the Arab world and thus are kind of off the "radar" of the average Westerner when thinking about Islam.

But most of all, I am curious to read about the everyday activities, thoughts, and feelings of people similar to mine (a middle-aged American ethnically-"mongrel" suburban woman), who practice Islam, and how it affects their lives. Amazon did come up with the following titles that look promising: - The Butterfly Mosque, A Young American Woman's Journey to Love and Islam, The Muslim Next Door,  The Quran; the Media and That Veil Thing - Islam Our Choice: Portraits of Modern American Muslim Women. My only concern was that they're all by women; anything from the guys' point of view?

Another title that seems like it might be worth exploring was The Lies About Muhammad: How You Were Deceived Into Islamophobia, as it appears to address this concern I have, that among the less - shall we say - educated of the American population, misconceptions about Islam and what it stands for have been allowed to percolate and grow unchecked. However, since I know nothing of these books or authors, and in my brief time lurking here I have come to trust your opinions.

I would very much like to know what you all think of these titles, and if you have additional suggestions for me to read? And finally, I thank you all for the compassionate, selfless service you do here to guide people - often young - who are lost and suffering. It is inspiring and heartening to see. May peace be upon all the peoples of this earth!

Sam-I-Am.

Assalam O Alaikum,

I am a Muslim, married a Christian girl without her getting converted, which religion should my kids follow? Is it okay to keep her family name after my child's 1st name?

chat2ryan.

Assalam O Alaikum,

I am a student of class 9 well ,INSHAALLAH my wish is to complete my F.A.C here in Saudi Arabia and move out to London for further education so what do you think and yeah let me say you that this is my final decision but please answer me is it good or right to go there?

suzain.