Assalamu Alaykum,

I noticed most/all questions are about marriage and opposite gender issues which is totally irrelevant to me and my question but I hope I'll get an answer form the right kind of person.

I wanted to know if it's permissible for a girl to leave home? Reason being abuse.

I know it's ugly and very untraditional for a 21 year old girl to leave home and live on her own, but I feel I have no other choice as the living conditions are unbearable.

My beloved father (Allah Yirhamu, may Allah have mercy on him) passed away 4 years ago (Alhamdulillah he was very pious). I'm the youngest of 7, I don't get along with my siblings. Mother's made it clear she doesn't want me and fires my brother up until he hits me and calls me names (understandable if I actually did something wrong).

Brother even used to torment my late father, mock his beard and his dedication to Islam.

My grandfather overseas advised me to depart from these insane people and live with him, I would love to as he is a wise scholar whom I love and would learn so much from. But brother threatened both him and me. My grandfather is of old age and ill, I could never put him in such a situation.

I found an apartment close to all necessities and I will be safe. That being said just cause I'll be living on my own it doesn’t mean I'll forget my roots, my Father and the morals he taught me. I would really like to get some Islamic advice and know if it is haram for me to leave? I would've asked a local Sheikh/Islamic Advisor, but it's difficult to remain anonymous that way.  Please keep in mind the circumstances are unbearable (I wouldn’t be moving if I didn’t have to).

Thank you for your time and may Allah SWT grant us happiness in this life and the hereafter

Kind regards,
Sister k

Please need advice and guidance; I came 6 year ago to USA to improve my career skills I met a Shia Muslim guy from Lebanon, we started dating which in my community is OK as long as there is not sexual contact to get to know the potential husband.

We liked each other and start caring about each other too. 
He knew I was a virgin by the time he wanted to be intimate with me, I was curious about his religion and I started asking him about it because I'm a strong believer. 
He convinced me about a marriage that God allows (mutah) and I was naive enough to believe him and trust his word. It had been almost a year after we met so I felt so in peace with this new religion that I was knowing and that every single event had a meaning finally for me (I’m talking about Islam, as I was a Christian believer).

I started to love Allah and the beauty of the religion. I accepted to be intimate with him, I felt protected in the name of God. At that time I didn't know mutah was haram. We started living together behind our parent knowing from our sin (huge mistake from me) he was always consulting everything with his mother and older brother, he hurt me several times when he told me things and then stepping back after talking to his mom because she used to tell him if you did not promise, you do not have to do it.

I took care of him as my husband, he even persuaded me to stop advancing in my career (which later he told me that I didn't advance because I was lazy). Once I tried to walk away from him and he stopped me.I got pregnant after 1 year of living with him. We were taking all precautions but it happened, and in my belief it is a murder to have an abortion, but for him was not as he told me. He convinced to do it by telling me that we can start all over again and make things right for us and our families if I have an abortion. He gave me some pills, and that same afternoon I was devastated. He told me that it is better that I suffer that his mother (I was blind and deeply in love with him, I was young and he has been the 1st man and only man in my life).

I regret every single day of my life what I did, I prayed and prayed and keep praying for the big mistake I did by having an abortion.

Because of a bad experience he had in the place he was getting his degree, he was kicked out of the program which left him with no option except to leave the USA. He told me he was a loser that I should leave him; I told him I was with him for good or bad. He made some arrangements to move to another country, and when he will be in there I should go with him.

First he went back to his country and he invited me to go there, I went to visit him but with lies he did not take me to see his parents. After the 1st Christmas apart he changed a lot.

His family, I guess convinced him that he was to come back to his country (I always told him it was OK with me). He moved to a new country and started working there, he invited me, and I went and visited him again and again. I always took precautions but once again I got pregnant. 
I told him and he was furious because he told me that his family wanted him to get marry to someone from his country. He treated me like garbage, he was very aggressive and told me horrible, humiliating things, like my kid would be a bastard, etc., etc. He even accused me of getting pregnant intentionally.

I finally told him I had a miscarriage because I could not go to be a murder again in my life I already suffer a lot for what I did, I told him that I rather live in hell in this life that in the other one. He believed me that I had a miscarriage. And finally let me alone.

I live by myself in USA whilst my entire family live in Central America, I never ever had again any other relationship with any other man in my life.

My entire pregnancy I spent it by myself in my apartment sometimes crying all night until I fell asleep, I had a high risk pregnancy, I had a surgery 10 years ago where they remove one of my ovaries, and I develop 6 fibroids, I went to the doctor to check on my baby growing fine and not being smash by my fibroids or checking that she was receiving normal blood flow in the placenta every week. When I was 7 months pregnant and because the doctor told me that I was close to be on bed rest, I told him that I lied to him and I was still pregnant, he told me he fell in depression and he started drinking and smoking and not taking care of himself.

After that he was supportive and he used to called me, he did arrangements to put his name on my daughter's birth certificate, he even told me that I can go and live with him for 2 years until my family accepted things because we wanted that my daughter will have the most normal life and as we knew we couldn't be together. He came out with a plan in telling my family that we got married a while ago but the last time we were together, we were getting divorced and that in fact that was what happened.

We were planning not to see each other again. 
I have a strong belief that I cannot destroy the father or mother figure to any kid no matter what and that later in life every kid will grow happy. So as I knew my family would be in closer contact to my daughter and I agreed with him in telling them that. Later, he told me than better if I just go with him and stay for the entire summer. Not the 2 years.

We agreed that he would not be at the birth of my baby to save that money and use it to go and be with him. My family came to help me a week before my daughter was born. After I came back from the hospital he called me and told me he did not wanted to know anything about me nor my baby, and that it is better if I took his last name away from the birth certificate.

I didn't contact him after this, I prepared everything to go back to my country to face my entire family, they all questioning me about him and his roll in my life with all those nasty comments, I kept myself strong and face all of them with a big smile, I took care of my new born by myself.

After almost the end of the summer he called me and convinced me once again that the best was to travel for the rest of the summer that my family and my social surrounding will see that he cares about his daughter, and me,  but my family was very against it. And they told me to wait until Christmas to go but he said the sooner the better. I went to see him.

After the summer we came back to reality. Almost close to December he went back to his country to check on his parents because they are old as he said, he stopped all communication for 5 weeks. One night I had a dream, that he got married, I found out he did, I talked to him, I'm not in love with him any more he was not a good man to me, but he did not do things right, he promised more things before getting married.

I confronted him about what would happen with my baby, he said he doesn't know that he does not plan to see her but maybe yes, I don't know what to do. I know the girl he got married to is innocent and I don't want to affect her, I know that later in life he will wake up and have that bad feeling of leaving his daughter and he will decide to see her because now he tells me to raise her telling her that he is dead.

What can I do? Should I tell his wife and parents and brothers or just cut all ties with him?  I know my daughter will ask me about him what is the right thing to do.

I have made mistakes I repent a million times for them now what to do, I cannot be sad I need to be happy for my little one. Please help me I need an advice, some words no one except me and Allah know what I have been living, I got this site I need some help.

~ Sister A

asalam mailaikum everyone.

I really don't know where to start as this is a long and complicated situation of mine, I hope inshallah you will have the patience and help me out here a bit.

Well I am a muslim girl but have been a very bad one for the past 4-5 years, though I always had my faith in Allah it was always on/off I guess the Satan came in the way too many times, I had been in a relationship with a muslim guy for 3 years we were in love but I had done other bad things before him as well so that caused a lot of prolems between me and him, I loved him very much but he always used to bring my past up and also swore at me a lot and said horrible things to me about my appearance,past etc..

But he always used to say sorry and I always forgave him, we commited a lot of sins together,zina and other stuff, I used to tell him lets get married but he was always telling me he isn't ready, anyway the final straw for me was when for months he accused me of chatting to other guys when it was not true and I begged him to believe me but he didn't. When I had  enough and wanted to go on the straight path as well I ended things with him and got married to some one arranged by my family. Afterwards I found out I was pregnant by my ex's child.  I was terrified and confused, did not tell anyone at first but eventualy told my ex and I said to him I have to give it up for adoption and he didn't agree, neither could he take the child bcause he was not settled or anything, so in the end I had to tel someone so I told my sister and she supported me and said she would adopt my child. Now I have given birth and my daughter is with my sister, but my ex is saying he would take her once he is ready. I don't know whose side to give, I am so confused also my husband does not know about any of this, he is working abroad and if my family know or him and his family know it would bring a lot of shame to them. My heart is heavy with burden I have repented to Allah sincerely and for my family's sake I am willing to work on my marriage as there really is no future for me and my ex.

I also feel so guilty for hiding all this from my husband, I would have told him but just for my family's sake their shame and honour I can't. I worry about my daughters future, at the moment I feel like I will never be able to have anymore children as this will not be fair to my daughter, also my ex texts me and I text him about our daughter but we never come to any agreement. I am being patient but all this is getting me down, I know it to be wrong to keep contact with my ex but I don't know why I can't let him go, please brothers and sisters help me with your advice have I done the right thing by giving my daughter up to my sister? Shall I tell my husband everything?  Should I completly stop contact with ex? I would appreciate all your answers. thankyou.

Few months ago I posted a question ("Pregnant by Saudi Boyfriend") regarding my pregnancy and I was left by a Saudi guy after a long term "serious relationship.

Some of you advised me to find out the family of my boyfriend and let him know about the baby on way, so after long days of searching I finally found out an address and a phone of his family.

Asking some Saudis they said that there are not specific addresses and what they do is to send letters or packages by Fedex, write the name of the receiving person, and the phone number, so when the letter or package arrives the office contact them to go to pick what they receive, it this true?

I was planning to send his father a letter letting him know about the situation but I don't know what exactly to say, because I am afraid that he will just ignore my letter and continue the life as if nothing happened. Some people advised me to send the letter now saying that I'm pregnant and in few weeks the baby will born, that I don't expect money from them that I just expect the father of my baby to be involved in his life and name him as he deserve. On the other hand, there are people saying that I should wait until the baby is born to send them the letter plus pictures of the baby. As result of all this advice I am  confused and right now I don't know what to do, if I should send the letter now or just wait?

In the same way, I am afraid of what their (parents) reaction will be because for sure in so traditional country this will be such a dishonor for them, more because they are well known in the society, and they are known as a good family that helps people in need as well. I want to believe that they will be good and they won't left his grandson alone and they will be worry about my son emotional health, but on the other hand the dishonor of their family is at stake and probably they would like to keep it in secret and never talk about that, so they just going to forget my letter and act as if they don't receive nothing.

Please brothers and sister, help me with this because I'm struggle of what I should do and how I can do it. I wish to receive some advice as soon as possible because I'll give birth soon.

Allah ybarek lak.

~Maria_us

Assalamu alaikum.

I belonged to a traditional Hindu family and was very religious since childhood, am the eldest daughter with two sisters and a brother. I stayed away from my parents mostly for studies but used to miss them a lot.

After I grew up, I started working and was posted in a big city. In my office I met a Muslim boy who was senior to me and was moved by his manners, wisdom and nature. We used to discuss about religion and I started knowing the real Islam, way beyond the myths I had heard since my childhood. We used to admire each other also but thinking about marriage was unfathomable due to the barrier between Hindus and Muslims. We both had decided to forget each other and I decided to get married according to my parents' wishes, that is, to a Hindu boy. The marriage got fixed but I was not happy, I did not want to follow the tradition of idol worship any more and also did not want to marry anyone else other than my friend.

I broke that betrothal (not even engagement had happened) and my parents got to know about all this and then started a period of emotional struggle, mental torture and family fights. I was called back home and was not allowed to go back  but my dad felt pity on me and sent me again on the promise that I will leave my job and come back. After going back I decided to embrace Islam on my own free will and marry my Muslim friend and hence I told my parents my decision. After a struggle of one year, my parents left all hope of my return and then got my younger sister married to a Hindu boy she liked. Few days after that I got married with my friend's parents consent.

I want to tell you that I have accepted Islam with all my faith and believe in the oneness of God and have never gone back to idol worship, though my friend was the reason behind my starting to learn about it. I believe that I did not commit any mistake by embracing Islam but my parents do not understand. They say that I failed my duty as a daughter, I have shamed them, they are unable to face any relatives. I am very sad as I could not become a good daughter and caused agony to them but I could not have stayed in that house and worshiped idols after once knowing about God's revelation. My dad and my siblings do not talk to me, they say that I did not fulfil any responsibility towards my parents, lied to them and brought shame to them.

I never got to stay with my parents in my childhood and now also I am suffering. Please help and guide me.

~SkRida

Unfortunately I have family problems on both sides, 'always somebody bringing up problems and someone's always playing minds games. I personally had enough and can't stand it. I intend when the time's right to go and find my own girl and start a new family. I have a feeling my mum wants me to marry my cousin. I don't want to marry within the family; they brought it up but I didn't say anything and kept quiet. I havn't gotten a job yet, no cash saved up or anything.  If I did speak I know one of the choices would be to leave home. In order to do so I would need some cash in my pocket, but until then what should I do?  My parents unfortunately are those typical pakistani's... this is 2011, times have changed! Sometimes I'm told to not go see the other side of the family. I know this is a huge sin to cut off contact,  but this is why I want to start my own famiy with a choice of my own girl.

jazakallah.

well, I'm a network engineer, as I'm an tele-engineer. It suits me but I want to get into the banking sector, starting as a bank PO.

Now the problem is that my father and mother do not agree that I should leave my field and go to the banking sector which is different (not technical).
The problem is that I want to convince them. It's easyto convince my mom, but my dad it is not. If I put up this issue, it might be that we will exchange a few words and it will be difficult for me to focus on my aim and even more difficult for me to concentrate on my exam prep knowing that my family is not with me.

Well, I'm asking them...I'm not doing anything wrong, just changing my field- that's it. Now what's the issue in that?

I'm a muslim, but I don't feel that my parents have a right to tell which path(career) I should follow unless I'm choosing the wrong path. But here I'm doing what I want to do.

I want to stick to my plan of becoming a PO and I have purchased all the books required for the exam. Even if my parents don't agree I want to go ahead, so please help me know how to get out of this without hurting them and still being able to focus on my prep.

Secondly, there is something more bigger and dangerous than this: my marriage. I knew this was coming, but really I don't want to get married. Don't come to an conclusion, people- I'm straight (lol), but not ready yet.

The thing is right now my priority is my career and money and I have no time to carry a wife along with me; I'm better off as single.

Lastly relating to marriage, I really feel that as a single I'm much better and more independent than I would be if I carry a headache of a spouse...now that's painful (the responsibilty, the other stuff no not now).
I don't want them to start hunting up a bride for me and if I say this to them, they will tell me "then if it is not now, then when?" so basically I'm stuck between my career and my family, and I want my career to win but in a good way. The most important is my career. Regarding my marriage, I'll see no girl they bring to me.

Allah hafiz

I don't want to end my life, I am innocent.

I don't know what to do with my life just because of my small family creating problems for me. I tried all to solve it but they just want me to get out of home or be a maid in the house. They don't let me study or work, and also create misunderstandings for me with relatives, friends and neighbourhood. I am a brilliant child; I have been since little, very caring and peace loving but my owns are not such. I am still young but very helpless, I prayed a lot; InshAllah, I wish to live with a peaceful supportive family and study, anyone who can help me to please inform me as soon possible.

I need help in understanding my duties in a situation where my parents are ill- treated by my inlaws, and when I am alone my in-laws bad mouth my mother and father. This hurts my feelings. My husband doesn't defend my parents in front of them or stand up to his parents. In fact, he fires this situation up and agrees to all his parents have to say about mine. I have been married for 3 years. we got married in Australia, and since his parents were in Pakistan he was alone in Australia. He moved in with me and my parents. then after 2 years we left for Pakistan to meet his parents. This was the first time both inlaws met face to face and hated each other from the first meeting. I tried to pacify both ends but in vain. But when I spoke to my husband regarding this he said, " my parents arent wrong, yours are.They dont have etiquettes and are liars." I couldnt keep hearing this all the time. My inlaws pick on every little thing my parents do. Since we got married in Australia, my inlaws wanted to get re-married in Pakistan again- as a reception. Now my inlaws wanted my parents to throw another reception party which my parents couldnt afford, so they called my parents unhospitable and those who dont have etiquettes.They wanted my mother to say, "yes, we will throw a party" just for the heck of it, even if she couldnt afford it. My mother doesnt believe in saying things for the heck of it, if she can do it she would have invited for a party herself. This is just some of the reasons my inlaws pick fights with me openly in front of my sister inlaws and brother inlaws. They dont say this in private either, and my husband defends his parents and in fact agrees with what they have to say by creating lies. Even though he has lived with my family for 2 years he is different in front of my parents and completely different in front of his parents. Please help me, this is causing fights with my husband everyday.  Now I have in fact started loathing his very being. He stayed back in Pakistan to spend time with his parents when I am back here in Australia working as we have bills to pay. Instead of being with me here, he is making excusess to be with his parents. I am frustrated. please help as to what I should do in such situation?

Hi, what should I do.. I like to look up namaaz for special nights (Extra namaaz not the obligatory namaaz lool) and it takes some time to you know copy and paste all the instructions and stuff and finally print it out, and my sibling gets extremely mad at me and she wants me to spend time with her, but I don't feel like watching tv when I can be doing something which is soo much better (pray).

She always says youre just trying to do all this just for show, all of this is going to do nothing for you. Or she says you're doing this 24/7. And when im praying (the extra namaaz) she says stuff like, "Hah you did it all wrong." And I got fed up and said why the heck do you prevent me from doin this!? just because u dont want to be on the right track doesnt mean i have to follow you? and she got extremely mad at me!

Sometimes I feel like just living somewhere else where I can be as religious as I please... what do you think about this?

- violet