Assalamoalaikum!

Its been 2.5 years since I have got married and right from the start my father in law has been very dominant with me and my husband in Pakistan. For the first few months my husband and I lived in separately from my father in law in an apartment and we visited my father in laws apartment often. I lived with my father in law and my brother in law when my husband got a job in Riyadh. And during that time I was dictated in every little thing that I did. I was never appreciated. I was always told that this is the way we do things in his house. I could not cook what I liked nor do any setting of the house of my own. I was taunted by my father in law often when I forgot to do something. When my husband was away, my father in law never gave me money to spend. I took money from my parents to fulfill my needs. I ignored even this too.

Now that it has been 8 months since I have joined my husband in Riyadh, he has been acting very strange. Even though, my father in law is a director at a government institution and earns a handsome salary and has a lot of perks, he continues to ask my husband lakhs of money. My husband has sent him 21 lakhs to him and we do not have any savings of our own. I am pregnant and we do not have any savings for our child who is due in 5 months. At times, I get very depressed. I come from a well off family and ever since I got married, my husband has earning very well but his father takes the big chunk from him. He has dollar accounts and 3 houses of his own and I don't understand why is he doing this to us. Secondly, since I have been living in Riyadh for almost a year. I got dowry from my parents when I got married which included my bedroom set, dining table and drawing sofa set, refrigerator, washing machine and a kitchen set including all the crockery.

Since my apartment had not been in use for over 2 years. I decided to sell it to people in my family who were in need of it . On this, my father in law created a huge fight, he insulted my mother and father who went to my apartment with the permission of my husband to take my belongings.  My father in law wanted all my dowry furniture to be shifted to his apartment and he created a fuss and due to this my parents don't wish to visit him anymore. I don't understand why is he doing this? Sometimes I get so depressed, I don't know what to do. He even calls up my husband and turns him against me. At times, I just cry he is like a vacuum cleaner who has sucked everything we own from us and continues to do it.

Whenever I think about my future, I get worried sick. I pray a lot and I'm hopeful that my husband will save something for the both of us and our baby but at times when I see my father in law doing this I just cry because I have ignored this behavior of his a lot but with time its only aggravating.

Please advise me what to do.  Please reply to me as soon as you can.

~TanzilaSuri

Salam,

I’m a 30-year-old woman with a 2-year-old child and inshallah 1 on the way.  I’ve been married for almost 3 years now and living with my in-laws.

My husband worked in the first year and then stopped working due to a lack of work from his employers. He never bothered and tried to look for work after that. My father-in-law sold his business and gambled most of the money. So they were also left with no income.

I help pay for rent with the money I get for my child and me. I do shopping for the house. I help cook. I clean and do what a wife should do. My husband fights with me due to having no money from either his parents or me. I tell him to go look for work and that he has to do something. He will then yell at me and tell me to stop whining. My in laws always get involved in our fights.

My father in law has kicked me out of the house with my son. And so has my husband. My father in law always says I never put money in the house (which I do).  I also help with bills. That’s all from my government money. I sometimes cry because of the way they treat me.

My husband likes to yell at me in front of his parents. I’ve tried so many times to speak nicely to them all and it just seems to go through one ear out the other. Also when I pray to Allah (swt) my father in law will tell me that my prayers are not accepted because I’m doing it wrong (mind you my father in law doesn't pray). And other times me and my husband will argue and then he will hit me and swear at my family and tell me to go back to my parent’s house which I did.

Then my father in law wanted to divorce us with out even asking my husband or me. He told my dad that he doesn't want me anymore. Then my husband ended up coming to me and saying sorry.

The whole point of this story is that I can’t take it anymore and I don't know what else to do. Because it always seems that I’m wrong in their eyes. I think I have been patient enough. I’ve never disrespected my in laws. And I hate the way they treat me. I tried to tell my husband that he should work and we should save and move into our own place and all he does is ignore me.

I can go on and on but that's just some of the things I put up with.

Please give me advice of what I should do?

~Jana

Assalamu 3alaikom:

My sister in law was trying to ruin her sisters relationship with me (her husband) and hook her up with a different person. I hate my sister in law and don't trust her and for that and I won't allow my wife to see her sister or hang out writh her in any occasion.

Also I get so upset if she even talked to her over the phone.

What does Islam say about this issue?

Thank You

Assalamu 3alaikom

Few months ago I posted a question ("Pregnant by Saudi Boyfriend") regarding my pregnancy and I was left by a Saudi guy after a long term "serious relationship.

Some of you advised me to find out the family of my boyfriend and let him know about the baby on way, so after long days of searching I finally found out an address and a phone of his family.

Asking some Saudis they said that there are not specific addresses and what they do is to send letters or packages by Fedex, write the name of the receiving person, and the phone number, so when the letter or package arrives the office contact them to go to pick what they receive, it this true?

I was planning to send his father a letter letting him know about the situation but I don't know what exactly to say, because I am afraid that he will just ignore my letter and continue the life as if nothing happened. Some people advised me to send the letter now saying that I'm pregnant and in few weeks the baby will born, that I don't expect money from them that I just expect the father of my baby to be involved in his life and name him as he deserve. On the other hand, there are people saying that I should wait until the baby is born to send them the letter plus pictures of the baby. As result of all this advice I am  confused and right now I don't know what to do, if I should send the letter now or just wait?

In the same way, I am afraid of what their (parents) reaction will be because for sure in so traditional country this will be such a dishonor for them, more because they are well known in the society, and they are known as a good family that helps people in need as well. I want to believe that they will be good and they won't left his grandson alone and they will be worry about my son emotional health, but on the other hand the dishonor of their family is at stake and probably they would like to keep it in secret and never talk about that, so they just going to forget my letter and act as if they don't receive nothing.

Please brothers and sister, help me with this because I'm struggle of what I should do and how I can do it. I wish to receive some advice as soon as possible because I'll give birth soon.

Allah ybarek lak.

~Maria_us

Salam to all.

I'm a Doctor and have been married for a year. My husband married me for the sole reason that I will be an earning hand for him and his family. He never admits this but his behaviour is evident of this statement. By the way, he and his family never told us the real reason.HE wanted me to live with his family, work, earn, while he is away. He wanted me to look after him and his financial needs. He took all my pay. I refused to give it,  telling him that I want to live with him.

His family disliked my decision and their behaviour changed. My mother in law gets enough money to support her family. They are not poor. Yet every month she asks for money from her son and due to this my husband can't take care of my needs. Secondly, our lives and decisions are controlled by mother in law and she isn't leaving us at peace.

I don't have a father in law and my husband can't keep me well. He doesn't listen to me. He has told me that for him his family comes first and then rest.

I have left him and am now with my parents. He hasnt called me for 3 months. I have decided for formal separation. He cant divorce me because then he has to pay a large dowry.

What am I supposed to do?

~ Mahadiya

I need help in understanding my duties in a situation where my parents are ill- treated by my inlaws, and when I am alone my in-laws bad mouth my mother and father. This hurts my feelings. My husband doesn't defend my parents in front of them or stand up to his parents. In fact, he fires this situation up and agrees to all his parents have to say about mine. I have been married for 3 years. we got married in Australia, and since his parents were in Pakistan he was alone in Australia. He moved in with me and my parents. then after 2 years we left for Pakistan to meet his parents. This was the first time both inlaws met face to face and hated each other from the first meeting. I tried to pacify both ends but in vain. But when I spoke to my husband regarding this he said, " my parents arent wrong, yours are.They dont have etiquettes and are liars." I couldnt keep hearing this all the time. My inlaws pick on every little thing my parents do. Since we got married in Australia, my inlaws wanted to get re-married in Pakistan again- as a reception. Now my inlaws wanted my parents to throw another reception party which my parents couldnt afford, so they called my parents unhospitable and those who dont have etiquettes.They wanted my mother to say, "yes, we will throw a party" just for the heck of it, even if she couldnt afford it. My mother doesnt believe in saying things for the heck of it, if she can do it she would have invited for a party herself. This is just some of the reasons my inlaws pick fights with me openly in front of my sister inlaws and brother inlaws. They dont say this in private either, and my husband defends his parents and in fact agrees with what they have to say by creating lies. Even though he has lived with my family for 2 years he is different in front of my parents and completely different in front of his parents. Please help me, this is causing fights with my husband everyday.  Now I have in fact started loathing his very being. He stayed back in Pakistan to spend time with his parents when I am back here in Australia working as we have bills to pay. Instead of being with me here, he is making excusess to be with his parents. I am frustrated. please help as to what I should do in such situation?

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As for those who divide their religion and break up Into sects, thou hast no part in them in the least: Their affair is with Allah: He will in the end Tell them the truth Of all that they did. [Al-Qur'an 6:159

I am a shia girl and I met my fiance in kindergarten. We grew up as friends, and fell in love in high school. He is sunni. We both have good faith, practise Islam moderately, and are of very similar and liberal thinking. We both consider ourselves just muslims and the sect difference is not an issue for us at all. We have an understanding that we will get married, are each others best friend, and know, understand, accept and love everything about each other. And we are not children anymore. It has been twelve years, and we are now in our 30s. For Iraqis, this age is too old for getting married.

His mother had a problem with me being shiite since the day she found out, years ago. We had waited for her to come around and understand our love, and wanted her blessings so we can get married. She kept saying no to this marriage, and also kept delaying the time... so that my parents would marry me elsewhere due to my age. My parents respect my feeling for my fiance, and love him as well. Finally his parents agreed and asked for my hand in marriage last year. When it came time for engagement, his mother started saying she doesnt agree to this wedding anymore, and did not attend the ceremony. She says her istikhara was not positive. And she has asked many other people to do istikhara and they are all negative. Everyone in my family is getting sick from stress. In his family too... and she says it is one of the signs. Whereas, everyone is sick because they are stressed out by her threatening them to not support us. This is supposed to be a happy occasion! I want her to be a part of my life. We do not want to have a civil wedding, unless it is our last option, as we both are family oriented.

We want to get married and need help. What can we say to make her understand? She says she will not go against the will of Allah which she received the through the istikharas. She was so nice after the proposal, and before the engagement. What happened to keeping her word? What should we do?

~ Fatima_Zahra

I don’t have any security of my bedroom. My mother in law brings in her relatives for my room exhibition, which I strongly dislike.

Also an issue came. At valima, I got some Gold sets as gifts on the stage by some people. My mother in law took them from me, without my knowledge and I was told they are kept in locker for safety. Now that I asked if they are still in locker and should I pay Zakaat on them, she said ‘Yes’. Now when I asked my husband to get me those Sets so that I can weigh them, I was told that they are given forward as gifts to other relatives’ marriages and those left are kept for the same purpose. I was heart broken. My trust was destroyed. My sense of security was destroyed. My husband says that he will compensate for this. But can broken trust be compensated with money? I told my husband that your mother lied to me and that this kind of tradition is usually seen in uneducated families. He then told me to apologize for calling his mother a liar or else leave the house. I left the house. I think that no law or no religion says to apologize for speaking the truth. I told him that the compensation would be to go to his mother and tell her in a decent way that this practice was wrong on her part.

Please guide in this regard, keeping in mind that I  have given every possible respect to my mother in law, never raised my voice in front of her, and at the same time she has given me due respect but her attitude has bias between me and her other daughter in law, which I constantly tell my husband, but he says that its out of his hands.

I feel that if he cannot give me due place in his combined family and always says that it’s not in his hands. Then he should keep me in a separate house, where I can protect my respect and wealth but this is taken as a evil thought by him and he says that I want quarrels to develop in his family by saying this.

I feel great hatred for my husband because his attitude was biased and told me to leave his house just because I said something true about his mother. Now this has happened, I also hate his mother because all along I have been treating her as my mother, but now I am homeless because of her. I cannot imagine to go back and live there.

May Allah guide me. I beg to Allah for guidance. I may not be a very good human. But I follow all the basic Arkaan of Islam. I have my professional exam in 1 week and I am destroyed mentally. I also hate my husband for spoiling my peak study time. My husband has spoiled all the major events of my life, my convocation, my  first Eid, my brother’s wedding. How can I force myself to go back. He has broken my trust. He always tries to backfire and put the blame on me by reminding me of my past mistakes (to which I have apologized and no longer repeat. They were misbehaving with my husband, crying, banging my head on the wall and eating nothing for many days.)

I have to obey my husband’s orders but what am I supposed to do when my husband’s orders are only those which his mother tells him to order me. If I want to go some where and initially my husband agrees and later refuses because his mother tells him to do so? Am I supposed to give him his rights when he exerts his rights from his mother’s wishes?

I pray to Allah to take my life and free me from all the Munafiqat of this world.

~ S-Hasan-S

Assalamu Alaikum

I hope somebody to help give advice for my situation. Firstly I converted to Islam a few years ago, it was a personal decision as I found it was right for me.

I am a uk citizen but have been living in Egypt for the last 6years. I met and married my husband 5years ago. His family never fully accepted but he fought with them until they finally did. I think they had thought that we would never last and that we would eventually divorce, as this is not the case,

Now his family have started to cause problems again and are making him choose between me and them or else he takes a second wife so she lives with them there. They continuously blackmail him saying they are old they need a woman to live with them . He is an only son, they tell him he will not go to paradise if he does not do what his parents want, that he is bad. We have offered to hire a home help lady to live with them there.

We live far away from his family, however he has always been good to them, however, they also still insist that they want a fully Egyptian child. We decided to wait to have children as we were in our early 20's, we wanted to secure our life first and organise our future jobs etc, it is only now that we have decided to try to have a baby, that they have started to cause problems again.

I don't know what to do, I do not want my husband to have to choose and loose all contact with his family, as I know this will cause future problems for us, he will eventually blame me for being the cause of him loosing his family.
I do not want to divorce just to please his family, we both love each other, we have our life here. It just seems ridiculous.

I do not want to accept he marries another lady and has a child with her simply to please his family, I feel this is haraam, it is unfair on the innoncent girl who would be dragged into it.

We have gotten elders to speak to them, yet they will not change their minds, I really don't know what to do, I know some people would say let him cut all ties with his family but that is not easy.

~ egypt11

I want to marry a Hindu boy.  I know it is not allowed in Islam.  But if he is going to become Muslim? What are his parents' rights? Can they eat in our home? Can I go to his Hindu parents' home and eat? 

~irum naz