Taken by SisterZ during Hajj 2006/7

Asalamu alaikum,

I like to know that, whether Allah will be happy for our sacrifice. I love a girl and she loves me too. WE prayed to Allah more then a year and also did lots of umrah and also prayed in the place of Dua in Kaaba. She said her wish to her parent and said she asked Allah only for him and Allah knows her heart. But father does not accept it because of status and society.

She sacrificed her love for her parents and said wont hurt her dad because Allah wont be happy. This world is not permanent Allah reserved for us in Jannah. She said will pray for you till the end in a halal way. Allah will give you in janna for what we prayed. Allah did for a reason to reserve me for you in jannah and also she said this world is just worship Allah and do our duty.

I believe her alot and her words are true. And also she made me correct in all the way when I do wrong. I know I should not have right to ask Allah, but Allah knows my heart and I'm in terrible pain.

1. Allah will be very happy for us right?

2. Allah will make our wish true in next world?

3. He gave the pain to heart so that we can forgive our sin easily and can make us enter jannah and live the life what we desired?

4. I accept everything even we have pain which Allah knows and he knows best of our heart. Will Allah keep the same feelings when we rises again as we prayed? (Sorry for anything wrong. I believe Allah knows our heart and also he did for testing us to give lifetime pain and also to secure best life in janna)

~Mohamed891

Assalamu alaikum,

I am a 19 year old girl who is intending to marry a man who is 15 years older than me and has been a divorced and has got two kids, I have known him for nearly 5 years now and have fallen madly in love with since I think he is very mature and has guided me in a lot of bad things I got into in my teenage life. He too is a Muslim and an Indian same as me but my parents strongly disagree of him as he has got some past bad experiences with my Dad and also due to the fact that he is so much older and has got 2 kids.

I have got no problem with his kids, I am ready to take care of them if I have to but they are happy with their Mum at this stage.  I understand that all my parents’ want is good for me but they just don’t understand that I really love him and he loves me too. My dad thinks he has got a loose character and that he isn’t right for me but I know him very well and though he has some bad qualities in him, his heart is the heart of a good man that truly believes in Islam and I am fully confident that once I do get married to him I will change him to be a better person than he already is.

He is madly in love with me too and wants to marry me truly and change his whole life around as he has learnt a lot of lessons in his life to date and wants to start a new life with me.

My Dad talks to me and tells me the consequences of what’s going to happen in the family and our reputation and all that every week , until I came to a point where I didn't know if I should agree with my parents or him. He tells me that he will prove my parents wrong about their beliefs about his character, and that my dad will one day be happy about and everything, but as I said I came to an undecided point no knowing which side to go on and what to do, as I felt both of them are right and wrong in their own ways.

I decided to perform istikhara for a several days and got 2 dreams 1) I am wearing a white shalwar kameez and standing near a window really depressed and crying and my dad stands in front of me wearing a sweatshirt which belongs to the man I intend to marry, coloured green and blue and on the other side of the building he is waiting for me to come to him and he is growing old with beard growing on him. The 2nd dream I saw was 2) I am in my house which belongs to my Dad in India as newlyweds dressed up in red (as that’s the colour we wear in our wedding days in Indian ceremonies) and fully covered in gold jewelry, I am sitting on the bed next to the man whom I intend to marry and telling him to wake up and he wakes up and tells me how lucky he is to have me by his side and then my Mum enters the room telling me to keep a little distance in front of every one as it doesn't look good in front of elders when husband and wife come too close and so I agree and go out to say salaam and take my families blessings and amongst these people is my aunt, my grandfather(who is deceased), and few of my cousins they all give their blessings as I say salaam but all are very hesitant and held back about something.

I presumed these dreams were positive as I started getting this feeling that my parents will come around and everything will be fine and now I am pretty confident with the way I feel. I want to marry him but my parents are still not agreeing and my Dad has clearly told me that if I marry him he wants to break every tie with me and I am going to be dead for him, whereas my mum tells me that if I go with him something will happen to her and she will die. She keeps telling me that either I don’t go with him and come back to them or she is going to die and I go over her body.  I find this so hurtful as I love my mum but she just doesn’t seem to understand my pain of what I have been through or will be going through even though I feel so positive towards it all my parents just are not coming around, how do I convince them and what should I do?

I understand that istikhara is not only about dreams as it’s the guidance from Allah tallah and till now after reading istekhara stuff has become a lot easier for me to decide what decision to take and that is for me to go with him and marry him but my parents are just not coming around so what should I do to convince them?

~Usa4

As for those who divide their religion and break up Into sects, thou hast no part in them in the least: Their affair is with Allah: He will in the end Tell them the truth Of all that they did. [Al-Qur'an 6:159

Hi, I am a sunni guy and the one I love is a syed sunni girl. We both love each other and want to marry and live happy. We are very close to each other and truly love each other. We are together for more than 1 year now. When her mother came to know about our relationship and our wish to marry each other she refused because I am not a syed guy and was against us.

She cried alot and convinced but her mother is strict. For that reason she is staying away from me so that her mother does not know about us as it will create more problem but in her heart she loves me alot but she is not showing because of  her mother and she told me to wait for the time of marriage inshaallah Allah will unite us and I respect her decision and her mothers too as I met her family and I helped her family in every difficulty.

We are trying very hard and i myself is praying 5 times a day n praying that help us in this difficulty and reciting Quran. So that Allah may unite us and make her best for me and making me best for her.as we both cannot live without eachother.

I did istekhara and the answer was to have sabr and again I did istekhara and it was the same. I am having sabr. But I cant let her go away from me or see her marrige with some one else. Is there any way or dua which can slove my problem and make her mother agree and unite me with my love. Please need help as I am really stressed.

I know Allah is testing me but now I am really tensed and stressed. I dont know what to do. please need help.

~Ufone

Assalamalaikum,

There's a friend of mine, she has no brother and sisters.. It was getting bored at home for her, so she used pics from internet to act like she's the real person on the pic, and people start believing it.. she has played with 3 boys heart.. she had an internet relationship with them but not at the same time and it was just for fun and it wasn't a relationship for her, somehow she ended everything without telling the truth and asked Allah swt forgiveness everytime she reminds her what she had been doing!

Now she had felt in love for a boy but she want everything in Halal way, they have been talking, the boy showed intrest in her, but somehow without a reason he took distance.. and it's killing her!!!!

She's cries every night before going to sleep, she's in depression! She can't even sleep anymore.. Is Allah swt giving her punishment for all she did? How can she ask forgiveness in a good way.. Is there any dua for forgiveness? She said she has a feeling that this is happening to her because of what she has done to people..

What can she do to make it all good for Allah swt? And she stopped using pics and being fake on the internet.. Is that a big sin what she did?

Walaikum Assalaam,

~Khirad

My brother, who is the oldest and is Mashallah set up financially, says he will not marry until at least one girl from the family gets married first. This is silly because they are following the old Pakistani culture and want me and my sisters to get married first even though two of us are still studying and are not mentally prepared for marriage.

Since my older sister (who is the second child) still hasn't married they are now intent on marrying me off first even though I don't feel anything for the guy. He has a good personality and is ok looking but I still don't feel anything, I felt empty when I met his family even though they looked like nice people, I just couldn't wait till they left. I know my family wants me to marry him because he is well off financially and doesn't have a huge family, which I know is ideal, but I clearly told them I'm not interested and they don't care. They're only concerned about how this will make things easier for my mum who is a single parent (separated). What they don't realisee is that I may end up unhappy for the rest of my life if I say yes.

I've never said this to my mum but if she herself had spoken up to her father and said she wanted to meet my dad before she married him then they probably wouldn't have gotten married in the first place because in her heart she would have felt that their personalities were total opposites (because of this they are no longer together). In my heart I know how I feel and I can't just say yes because of the money he makes or because his family is nice, I believe I have to feel something first and I can't just think about myself but about the guys family too because this isn't fair on them either. I don't want to lead this family on and Inshallah this guy will find another Muslim girl who is better than me.

I've done tauba and prayed for not being attracted to him even though he has everything but I feel all that will not make me happy. For some reason I'm always unhappy with my life though I'm always greatful for everything I have been given in life Alhamdulillah. Overall it just seems I'm not ready for marriage at all. I've now realised that as a teenager I was following the 'no dating' rule not just because of islam but because deep down never wanted to be in a relationship. I would probably want to wait another 2-3 years before I get married.

My family doesn't treat me nicely even though I haven't done things to shame the family, if anything in other people's eyes I've always been the girl who never does wrong Alhamdulillah. It's gotten to the point where I don't even sit in the same room as my family anymore, my younger sister feels this way too. If I ever go against anything my mum wants me to do then she threatens to kick me out which means I would have to go live with my dad, he would take me in but I've lost my attachment with him and he is not a religious man.

I just pray that Inshallah this guy will find a better girl than me who is right for him because Mashallah he has done really well for himself. I haven't talked to the guy personally yet but I have seen his personality but for some reason I still don't fell anything even though there is nothing bad about him. This guy isn't exactly religious but I would say he's inbetween.

Even though I don't date or flirt with guys I have met a guy online; the way you would meet on singlemuslim.com. I don't talk to him regularly but I have known him for a while now and he seems like a great Muslim guy. I wouldn't just go off and meet him because that's stupid and dangerous, I would want to tell my family about him first. The only reason I'm considering this is because I am in a difficult position at the moment and would rather marry someone I've already talked to and gotten to know than marry someone I have no feelings for.

My question is, what if after speaking to this guy I still don't have any feelings for him? I'm pretty sure I'm going to be kicked out of the house if I say no as my mum has already done that with one of my sisters (not over marriage but over another silly reason). Is their any dua I can read to help me with my situation? Would it be bad for me to tell the guy I'm not interested in him if my family pushes me to marry him? Sometimes my mum talks to me nicely about this whole situation (as if she's not forcing me to do anything) and says I won't know how the guy is until I properly get to know him but I know deep down she would want me to say yes if she liked him and I didn't. She would hold my 'no' over my head for the rest of my life. I've done istikhara for the past 3 days but there's no change in how I feel nor have I seen a dream so inshallah I will keep trying until I see something that indicates whether I should or should not make an effort to get to know this family.

Also, since my dad is separated from my mum, how much of a say does he have when it comes to marrying off the daughters? My mum doesn't even like sitting in the same room as him.

 ~Fabbiano

I’m 17 (almost 18) and have been dating a 19 (soon to be 20) year old for just over a year now. I love him unconditionally, and feel he's the one. We realize it’s wrong to date and have always had the intention of getting married, however cause I’m still in full time education we hadn’t spoken to our parents about getting married.

A friend of mine told me we could have a nikah without our parents’ consent, but we had doubts in our mind about it and did istikhara, and it came back as a bad sign, his older sister explained that even though she had also agreed to allowing us to have a nikah she realized its wrong for so many reasons, cause our parents would be hurt if they found out we’d got married behind their back and that would also displease Allah. His sister said that when the time comes she is more than sure that her family will approve of me and her brother to get married and that she will be more than happy to know that its me as she adores me. We assumed that this was the answer to our istikhara prayer.

As I’m a friend of hers, I had attended their older sister’s wedding and met their family, with them being unaware that I and her brother were dating, only his cousins and friends were aware. I honestly felt like a part of their family, they were so loving and caring. At the time of their elder sisters’ wedding his mum suspect that me and him were dating but both his sisters quickly convinced her that we weren’t dating, despite suspecting we were dating she was still so sweet towards me. His mum still asks his sister about me and has invited me to come and visit the family again.

We’ve now decided that in seven months’ time, he will come and speak to my parents and that we could at least have an engagement then married later insha Allah, cause we feel guilty for keeping our relationship a secret. I decided to perform istikhara as he suggested we should do so, the reason being for this is because if we weren’t supposed to get married it would be wrong to carry on dating and assuming we will get married.

I’ve performed istikhara on a number of occasions to find out whether or not him and me will get married. But all I seem to have got is a dream in which he was in, we met up and my younger sister was also present, (she has never met him) I’m not sure what this dream means, it’s not often that I see him appear in my dreams, please help? Does the dream have to be of me and him getting married?

And also if I need to perform istikhara again can someone else do it on my behalf? Do I go along with the sign from previously? (When his sister mentioned that she is certain that him and me will get married when the right moment comes.)

~Soniyah

Assalam O Alaikum,

I have been going through great difficulty over the past few weeks due to my relationship with my fiance and would really appreciate good, solid advice as well as some dua's that I can recite and special prayers I can make to solve my problem.

I met this girl over a matrimonial website about 8 months ago. We decided to talk under the pretext of marriage and hit it off instantly. After a few meetings, we decided to become exclusive (meaning we won't talk to other people with the same intention and will focus only on getting to know each other well). We had amazing mental chemistry which also translated to emotional and physical chemistry. Before I proceed, just to give you a little context about the two of us..

I am 30 yrs old. I grew back home and moved to north America a few years ago for education and have been here since. Come from a cultured, traditional family and was brought up with good Islamic morals. Initially when I came here, I was what one would consider very traditional and didn't adapt to the western life style and social norms right away. However, after a few years, as I started to make friends from other cultures and values, I became a bit more liberal to the extent that one would call me a moderate Muslim. I had been looking to find someone for marriage for a few years and after the various girls I spoke to and met up with, when nothing seemed to work, I sort of grew tired of it and decided to date for the heck of it until someone great and serious comes in front of me. And started casual "No strings attached" type dating where I, unfortunately, got physical (not to the extent of intercourse) but to the extent of kissing, fondling, getting oral sex (once only) etc. In the meantime, I kept looking for the one.

She is 29. She was born and raised here in North America into a very traditional family where the parents had continued conflicts and as a result, didn't pay attention to how to raise their kids the right way. They were super strict on them and as a result, their kids started doing things behind their backs. The lack of proper and rational Islamic education was also missing. The kids were told not to do certain things but never explained why and also the parents never really followed through on them. She was eldest and started helping the family out financially at a very early age thereby, taking on a lot of responsibility at an age where she should have instead focused on the more important things in her life. As a result, there was a sense of independence in her yet there were continuous restrictions being enforced by the parents.

She found that to be hypocrtical of her where on one hand she was asked to help out and on the other hand, she was treated with restrictions where she wasn't even allowed to go to the movies with her friends. As a result, over time, she started doing things hiding them from her parents. Eventually, she went to college and decided to live her life that she had been deprived of so far. And entered a phase where she became liberal and got into wearing short dresses and going to clubs with her female friends (all with her parents not knowing). At the age of 24, She  met a guy and started a relationship with him which turned out to be 3 years of torture. The guy was very good to her in the beginning but then became very possessive and controlling. and eventually cheated on her so she broke up with him after 3 years of an on-again, off-again relationship.

Anyways, back to after she and I met and became exclusive...

Things were going great and life seemed beautiful. She is not the same girl as she used to be. She has changed for the better Masha Allah and has understood that traditions, culture and religion do matter. In the back of my mind, I had an inkling to ask her about her past considering she was the one with a long-term relationship and long-term relationships tend to get physical. I had been saving myself for my wife all these years. She wanted to be honest with me as she believed honesty is the way to build a strong relationship and told me that she and her ex ended up getting physical where she received oral sex from him and they even went on a vacation to an Island for a few days once. I did not like what I heard as I was not comfortable with it.

But considering, I had done a few shady things in the past as well and was no saint myself either, I decided to accept that and move on. A few days later I asked her if they ever had intercourse and she said yes it happened once. It was what she called un-planned and an "accident". She was very ashamed of it and felt very guilty right after she had done it and asked Allah for forgiveness. She told me she went through hell after that act and is something she'd like to forget. She asked me to accept her for who she is today as she had changed and was not the same girl anymore. She told me that she wanted to do it for him as she thought she loved him and regrets all of it. In fact she regrets the entire relationship. I was heartbroken at this point as I was expecting that a nice, family-oriented and decent girl like her would have saved herself for her husband.

I thought about it long and hard and decided to go forward with it as I loved her too much to lose her. She is a great girl and honestly, the best thing that has happened to me.

In the meantime, our physical chemistry was such that we decided to take our relationship to the next step and get physical (no intercourse). And she told me that she and I have done things together that she never did with her ex. I know it's wrong of us to indulge in such acts before marriage but we were so sure of being together at that point that we decided to let things happen naturally.

We finally decided to get the families involved and move towards an engagement and Alhamdu Lillah, got engaged recently. However, right around the engagement time, explicit thoughts about ex and her in the act started flashing in my mind to the point where I started getting stressed, lost my appetite and just wanted to run away somewhere in agony. I tried to not think about it, but the thoughts kept coming back to me. Our love for each other is undeniable. I have been praying and making special dua asking Allah for guidance and strength so I can battle these thoughts away and focus on our past and future together.

I try to talk myself into accepting her past as a part of her and that she is not the same person and has repented and felt guilty for her acts. She, to her credit, has been extremely supportive of my stress and has been there for me trying to assure me how much she loves me and what we have is purer and real than anything she could have ever imagined and how I am her first true love, which I believe. It's just that whenever we get even a little physical, I get images of her with her ex and dirty thoughts enter my mind where I wonder if she did this with him, if he touched her there and how etc.

I really really want to be with her but am fearful these thoughts will not go away. Can someone please help me in dealing with these feelings and if there are special dua's I can make? I don't want to lose her and I don't want to keep having these thoughts as I fear they will ruin our relationship and married life going forward.

She is so good to me that it hurts me to even imagine us not being together and I can let her go. I just want to get rid of these explicit and dirty thoughts. I don't see myself without her and she doesn't either. I even had someone do Isthikhara for us and that person informed me that the Istikhara came out good Alhamdu Lillah.

Please advise what I should do. I am very depressed and saddened at not being able to get rid of this negative feeling which weren't there until a few days before the engagement.

Visible Minority.

Allah is 'Al-Mujeeb' - The one who responds

Aslam waalikum....

Dear All,

I love a girl and I want to marry her. I want to have my Rab's agreement for this relationship, so I have a required dua for this so that I recite that dua,  and my RAB agrees with my dua & he write that girl in HAK.

Please help me and make dua for me. I know that I do not know all of you and I have no right to say anything, but as a friend I request all of you. If you could, make Fariyad(Request) one time only. You say" Ya Mere RAB Isko iska pyar se nikah kabul kr le, AAMIN," to my mighty Lord. Please, one time please.

Thanx n regrds,
Mustakim

Aoa.

I am a university student studying in the first year of bachelors. When I was doing my o-levels (quite young though) there was a girl in my school. I fell for her unaware of the restrictions in Islam at that time. It took me a lot of time to get in touch with her (almost a year). After all the efforts I somehow contacted her and her reaction was quite furious one. However, it started with friendship for a few months and then I told her I love her and I want to marry her.

She was reluctant initially but then she agreed. The thing I appreciate the most is that we never dated, nor touched or talked in private. When my parents got to know about it my dad couldn't bear it and he told me to leave her. I said okay I will but I didn't. After one year he caught me again being in contact with her, and I assured him that I won't do it again and he also said that if you want to do anything, do it in a reasonable way and at the right time. I was content that he had accepted us.

From that day on we stopped talking through calls or text messages. but we were in contact through friends and we did talk after a month or so and then after a day we used to do as we were supposed to do. Few months back my father saw her pictures in my cellphone (I know my mistake) and he couldn't resist it and he scolded me to death. Whatever he said portrayed that he is not accepting us at all. He says that she is not a good girl and an innocent one, and the one who deserves me. They haven't even talked to her seen her, how can they talk about her character.

On the other side she told her mother and this was disturbing for her a lot. She said that she will wait for me to complete my studies and come for a proposal. Now, we have got out of this "relationship" thing and decided that not to be in contact through any means until the right time comes. But during this waiting period, I want to know what should I do, that after completing my masters (after 3 years) I want my parents to happily ask me who I want to marry. As they know who I want as my partner they should consider my choice whole heartedly. Moreover her respect in front of my parents is devalued. And Allah is the one who gives and takes honour from someone. What should I pray for her honour and mine as well?

Also that they accept her with full heart and love her like their own daughter as being the only son they will have one and only daughter in law. Waiting for your reply

Wasiq

About 15 months ago I met a charming man from Morocco online. We had so much in common, seemed to get along great & shared a lot of the same values. We discussed everything freely. We were simply comfortable like we were friends our entire life. For me, it seemed like I was in love after our first conversation. We have spoken almost everyday thereafter.

Of course he is Muslim and after educating myself on the religion, I have made it my personal choice to convert. It just makes so much more sense to me then the religion I grew up with. When I told him of course he was pleased, considering I made this decision alone.

About 5 months into the relationship he asked me to marry him. I was so completely infatuated with him that I didn't hesitate to accept. After being married 13 yrs to a man that was abusive in every way, I never thought I could/wanted to love again. I have shared this past with my fiance in full. Mostly to help him understand certain things about me so never to make the same mistakes. But over the last 6 months or so things with him have changed. Being fully aware of how much I despised the way my ex-husband treated me, he has come to do the same in many ways. Constant arguing over the smallest issues or turning my words around into something hurtful. Even the smallest things I do (or don't do) get blown out of proportion. It only makes me feel like I am always wrong in any situation. It's degrading really.

I have a lot going on in my life here (USA). So plans to visit have come and gone. More then once. With all the problems we've encountered, his declaration of marriage never fades. The feeling that this was all too good to be true gets stronger daily. I'm sure at one point his feelings & intentions were sincere. Now? I'm only discouraged by how uninterested he seems. Until a few months ago we would connect every morning and night. Now, suddenly he has to leave everyday by a certain time. For what? I'm usually told something different everyday but always at the same time. No matter how many multiple times I've asked, I never see photos of him while he is out yet demands it of me. The last time he did was Jan. 2011. He doesn't call like he used to or even text. Some times he doesn't even connect leaving me with no word of his safety. He NEVER used to be like this with me. Our relationship was always a priority to him. His sincere devotion to me is fading with the exception of him being determined to marry me. I have taken notice to this and have mentioned it to him. I have even offered for us to take a "break" to see if this is what he (we) truly wants. It only caused more problems and he went as far as telling me, multiple times, that he could not & would not live without me. In other words he would kill himself. At first I didn't care if he was serious about his threat or not. I was only sure I couldn't live if something happened to him. I think he realized this. Therefore the threats to hurt himself, whenever the subject comes up, haven't stopped.

I have become so full of doubt. Not only with these characteristic changes but also after reading all the blogs about marriage fraud. More specifically with Moroccan men & women in the US, UK & Canada. I fear my relationship will end only with me being statistic... Another naive American woman scammed into marrying someone that only wanted a visa.

I know this must sound foolish to some but I am so in love with this man and want nothing more then to remain happy and safe. Even if it means leaving him because my doubts are too strong. I won't risk being hurt again.

Suggestions please!!! What I should say to him regarding his behavior, how/if I should question that he is only with me for a visa or even how I can end it gracefully. Any suggestions or guidance is appreciated.

~Chris