Hi,

Firstly I would like to say that I would not want to hurt any one's religious sentiments.

I have been in love with a Muslim girl for last 3 years. She was very pretty and beautiful. We loved each other very much. But due to her family, her life was threatened and she became in danger.

So I married to her in arya samaj. And get the marriage registered in the Hindu marriage act. Then when our parents came to know about this marriage, the storm comes in our family.

Due to that the girl had to go back to her native place to her parents. After that our family members insisted to us that we forget each other. But it is very hard for us.

Now she is not in contact with me. But she still needs me a lot in her life. Please suggest what I should do. I am afraid that her parents may marry her to just anyone. Please suggest me what to do. We love each other very much...

~truelove

Assalamu alaykum!

Dear brothers and sisters, I'm in  need of an advice. Since my teens years I have been involved in wrong. A year and a half ago I met a very nice Christian girl and we started dating. Early on in our relationship I told her religion will be a problem and she said she would convert if I told her more about religion and if he she thought it was best for her. So we dated and were happy and planned to get married all along. Meanwhile I told her more about Islam and she was more and more willing to become a muslim.

Recently I had an opening of the heart and realised all the wrong I've been doing and decided to turn back to Allah and Islam before it's too late. I repented and cried and still do, and I told her about it and she said she knows what we were doing was wrong and agreed. So we decided to turn our relationship into a friendship and be good friends till we get married. She now has good knowledge of Islam and is certain about converting.

The problem is that she's only 20 and still dependant on her parents and has two more years to finish her studies. He parents are very conservative when it comes to religion and would never accept her conversion, she's even scared to talk about religion at home as her father gets very defensive. All this frustration is causing problems in our friendship and she says I'm not supportive and understanding like a friend should be, especially if we plan to get married. I just want there to be some form of distance between us so we don't fall back into sin. She also says that waiting two years is just going to drive us apart as we become more and more distant.

Please help and advise how we can make it all work with all this obstacles in our way. I know she wants to become a Muslim and I want to marry her and not abandon and betray her after all this.

I'm from a muslim family therefore having a relationship is not accepted. I'm 21 years old, never had a boyfriend before but a year ago I got closer to my male friend. We started going out after a while but I'm having a guilty conscious because islam says no to having a boyfriend. I'm not a religious person but you know I have beliefs. My boyfriend is a christian. My family doesnt know anything about it (They dont know that I have a bf).

He asked me to marry him and I said 'yes'. We are both virgin and it gonna be like that till marriage. I told him that he will need to come to islam because if he doesnt my family wont agree and he agreed (but he said it will be hard for him to change his beliefs and might still have his christian beliefs even though he comes to islam), he loves me so he would do anything to be with me, to become a muslim, do khatne and etc. He said he would even wait forever if he needs to.

My family want me to marry late like 27 something and yeah never have a boyfriend so I've been afraid to talk to my mum or anyone from my family.  I dont feel ready to get married yet anyway.

Am I doing a sin? Its not something that I can just stop it cause I love him too and he loves me and I don't wanna hurt him. What should I do? Please give me some advice. I can't ask this from any other muslim person around me so you are the only help that i can get. Thank you for your time

~SheOnEarth

Asalaamualaykum,

I am in love with a muslimah and she loves me, we are living in different countries, but try to visit each other when we can. I feel we cannot marry as both of us are full time students in our respective countries (england and spain) and don't have the needs to support ourselves.

Please could you give me advice because I would like to make her my wife inshallah.

~ Abdullah77

I am a Roman Catholic woman who has been best friends with a Muslim man since we were children. Four years ago, we started dating. I moved abroad and the first year of our relationship was a long-distance one. After that first year, he moved abroad with me and we have been living together now for just over three years. He and I are both studying at University and do intend on getting married someday. We love each other very much and respect each other's beliefs. We intended on getting married purely in a legal sense once we had completed University because I do not wish to convert into Islam, and my partner does not expect me to. I personally do not believe that one can fully renounce their own beliefs by taking another, and I do not feel like I can do the religion justice if I adopt it as my own. Once we have children, we would like them to be raised with the Islamic faith, and we have discussed how we would go about raising them (this apsect is not an issue).

My partner's family appeared to accept us living together at first, yet after 3 years they have hysterically begun hounding us with rude emails and phone calls, accusing us of living in sin and claiming that they are living in sin because of us. I have reassurred them that I would consider converting, but I know that in my heart I would be extremely unhappy if I did so. My partner and I just want to live our own lives and not be forced into marriage by his parents- we wish to get married on our own terms when we are ready to do so, but we hate the fact that it is causing his parents so much grief.

Is there any way a compromise can be reached? Would we still be living in sin if we married purely in the legal sense? We've reached a crossroads in our lives now- if we get married in the legal sense we risk losing his parents, but if I convert and marry him, I know I will be unhappy because I will not be able to celebrate Christmas with my family and there would be pressure on me to fast and pray in a certain way.

I'm not sure if you will able to help me at all, but we are not quite sure what to do - we just want to live our lives and be happy.

~Antoinette

Hello,

I am currently dating a Pakistani man who I am deeply in love with  and vice versa. We have been dating for four years now. We have discussed our futures together. We both want to marry each other. The only obstacles in our way are our parents and religion. He is worried that it is not accepted in Islam to marry a non-believer in the Islam faith. He told his mother about me but she is not pleased with it. I am originally from Africa (Nigeria) and my parents want me to marry someone who is from Nigeria. Everyone that is important to us are against us but we are still strong in love and still want to be together. I'm looking out for our happiness but its hard because all odds are against us. I have been taking time out to learn more about Islam so that I can be more familiar with it. What should we do?

Thanks,

Afi.

I am a Roman Catholic woman who has been best friends with a Muslim man since we were children. Four years ago, we started dating. I moved abroad and the first year of our relationship was a long-distance one. After that first year, he moved abroad with me and we have been living together now for just over three years. He and I are both studying at university and do intend on getting married someday.

We love each other very much and respect each other's beliefs. We intended on getting married purely in a legal sense once we had completed university because I do not wish to convert into Islam, and my partner does not expect me to. I personally do not believe that one can fully renounce their own beliefs by taking another, and I do not feel like I can do the religion justice if I adopt it as my own.

Once we have children, we would like them to be raised with the Islamic faith, and we have discussed how we would go about raising them (this apsect is not an issue). My partner's family appeared to accept us living together at first, yet after 3 years they have hysterically begun hounding us with rude emails and phone calls, accusing us of living in sin and claiming that they are living in sin because of us. I have reassurred them that I would consider converting, but I know that in my heart I would be extremely unhappy if I did so.

My partner and I just want to live our own lives and not be forced into marriage by his parents- we wish to get married on our own terms when we are ready to do so, but we hate the fact that it is causing his parents so much grief.

Is there any way a compromise can be reached? Would we still be living in sin if we married purely in the legal sense? We've reached a crossroads in our lives now- if we get married in the legal sense we risk losing his parents, but if I convert and marry him, I know I will be unhappy because I will not be able to celebrate Christmas with my family and there would be pressure on me to fast and pray in a certain way. I'm not sure if you will able to help me at all, but we are not quite sure what to do - we just want to live our lives and be happy.

~ Antoinette

I meet with a girl on a net, she is Christian and married before and still she is not divorced.

She is ready to change her religion. After changing her religion, is it must that she take divorce from her husband? He is also Christian.

So please tell me that she will take divorce from his husband or by changing the religion. Am I able to marry her?

Please advise.

~ Hyder

Hi, My boyfriend and i had broken up and while we were not dating i found out i was pregnant with his child.

I told him and now we are trying to work things out for for the baby. But now he is saying we have to get married before the baby is born because he is Muslim and because of his family. I just dont think if we did that so soon after we broke up that we would work out or be happy and i dont think it would be a good environment for the baby.

Eventually would be great, but not now... any suggestions?

- kyrstin

I thought it would be best if I highlighted all my issues for someone that can offer me some learned advice:

• I'm selfish
• I don't do what's expected of me
• I live a haraam lifestyle
• Question my faith
• I lie to shield my insecurities
• I've fallen for a Christian girl

I'm selfish because my parents have sacrificed so much for me but I'm contemplating on leaving the country for better prospects and lifestyle. My grandparents migrated here for the same reasons I want to leave. Being the eldest son, I've always wanted to uphold my responsibilities to my parents but if I do migrate, I'm unsure if my parents would come with me. My father has a business he's built over many years and my mother doesn't speak a word of English, a member of a very tight nit community and settled in her ways.

Do I sacrifice my dreams and ambitions to live up to my responsibilities or will I resent my parents for it? Does it have to be one or the other?

At this moment in time I'm only a Muslim by name. I drink, eat haraam food, I don't pray, there is really no difference between me and a non-Muslim. The majority of my friends are non-Muslims and the few friends that I do have that are Muslims are non practising as well, so I find myself divulging in haraam activities as a social norm. I told all my close friends that I've quit alcohol today but they don't understand the logic behind it and laughed it off.

How can I increase my imaan without becoming a social outcast? I like the fact I have friends from many cultures and backgrounds and surrounding myself with devout Muslims would quite honestly bore me.

I find myself making excuses for my actions by questioning certain aspects of my faith. Things like 'what kind of a god would create me just to worship him?', 'are all my good hearted friends going to burn in hell for eternity just because they follow a different faith?', 'why does god care about us consuming meat that was prepared a certain way?' 'why is evolution such an evil idea?', 'why is god offended when women don't cover their hair?'. These are just a few questions that roll around in my head. It would be nice if someone can give me an Islamic answer as I know we're a religion of logic.

Telling petty lies about myself has almost become a part of my daily routine. I don't know why I do it, maybe I want people to see me as something 'better' as I don't feel the person I am is good enough. I live in a very sexualised society, I'm not a virgin but by no means am I someone that enjoys sleeping around with random women. But living in a house with seven other guys, keeping a tally on the number of women you've bedded almost influences your ranking in 'lad mentality'. How do I become more confident in my own person not to resort to constantly telling petty lies?

My last question is the most important one. I always saw myself doing what is expected of me and marrying a traditional Muslim woman who's a virgin, wants to be a housewife and help look after the kids and my parents. Every woman I've ever dated has been non-Muslim and the person I'm currently seeing is a pretty devout Christian. She has a beautiful personality; modest, kind hearted, shy, loving, and everything I could expect in a life partner except:

- She's not a Muslim and from many discussions I can't ever see her converting to Islam. I've heard people say that 'people of the book' don't have to convert but then wonder how do they raise their children? Can a Christian mother really teach her children Islamic values?

- She's slept with one other person and that really bothers me. I've always wanted to be the one and only for my wife but feel like someone's taken that opportunity from me. We love each other but will this niggling feeling get stronger?

- Do interfaith marriages work? I've told her I'm going to become a practising Muslim and she is aware of what that entails and she's told me she'd support me in it as long as I don't expect her to change.

- Is she worth risking my relationship with my family?

Thank you for taking the time to read this, as you can tell there's a lot on my mind and many decisions that need to be made. Decisions that will significantly impact my life and of my loved ones. I needed someone's impartial advice as everyone around me has their own agenda.

I'm going to Jummah this Friday, pick up a prayer timetable, figure out which way Makkah is and ask Allah to forgive me and guide me. I look forward to reading your advice.

Sincerely

A very confused and lost brother.