I am a Canadian, but will be attending a Muslim shower and wedding.

Please give me suggestions on appropriate gifts. Thanks.

Wael's Answer:

Dear Canadian,

I don't think the issue of religion matters much, as long as you don't bring wine or other liquor.

Brother Muhammad (in the comments below) suggested a smoothie maker and that sounds great. In fact any quality kitchen appliance is good, or hey, how about an iPod? I would LOVE to get one of those, the only problem being who is going to use it, husband or wife? Okay, strike the iPod.

How about a gift certificate to a really nice restaurant in town? Or if they are just moving into their own home, something for the house, like a set of Egyptian cotton towels.

Flowers in a nice vase are always a good gift, since what you are really giving is the vase.

There are a few things I would avoid. At my wedding, several people gave us crystal, as in crystal bowls, glasses, etc. What's with all the crystal? We never used any of it. And one older man gave my wife a negligee! That was just creepy and inappropriate.

Anyway, use your imagination. The fact that they are Muslim is not terribly relevant.

I published an article suggesting gifts for a Muslim woman some time ago. It was actually intended for husbands trying to think of good gifts for their wives, but I'm sure you can get some great ideas from it. Here it is:

30 Gift Ideas for a Muslim Woman

(Since I first published it, the list has grown to 33 gift ideas).

Best Regards,

Wael Abdelgawad
IslamicAnswers.com Editor

Iranians in the rain on a Tehran street

December 18, 2006

This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, the IslamicAnswers.com. and Zawaj.com Editor and Administrator.

QUESTION:

Dear Bilqis,

My fiancee is a Muslim man from Iran, and I am a Christian woman from Australia. We have known each other for four years. We now want to get married. I also want to turn to Islam. In about eight weeks we will be flying to Iran from Australia to get married as his family lives in Iran.

I am fairly nervous as in Western countries we are told that the Muslim countires are dangerous or a threat to Westerners. The Australian government says there is a high level of caution for Australian people in Middle Eastern countries. I want to know whether it is safe for me, a Christian woman, to travel to Iran? I really want to meet his family and marry him.

A lot of my friends and relatives think I am stupid for wanting to go to that country at this time... with all the political issues that are televised on Australian TV every day. I am so confused. I have never been over seas before.

- Angela from Australia

WAEL ANSWERS:

Dear Angela, As-Salamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullah,

You should go, and I would be very surprised if you experienced anything from the Iranian people but warmth and friendliness.

It is admirable that you want to become Muslim, and you will find it to be a religion that is sensible and straightforward, as well as spiritual and just. Islam teaches us to respect all human beings, and to have compassion for all, regardless of nationality or race.

Australia is a country which is known to have a high level of prejudice and hostility toward foreigners and minority races. Perhaps you are afraid that you will encounter a similar sort of prejudice in Iran. But I think your fears are unfounded. Even though there may be political strains between governments, you will find the people on the ground to be friendly, normal people just like you and me. Furthermore, Iran is a stable, democratic country that does not suffer from internal political violence.

I suspect you will find the Iranian people to be very hospitable and generous people, which is a common trait of Muslims, in spite of what you may hear in the Western media.

As for your friends who say you are foolish, have they been to Iran so that they can offer an informed opinion? Of course not. Their statements are based on ignorance. Anytime you do something in life that others have not done, you will get a lot of criticism. Learn to ignore people's comments and follow your own heart.

I do have some common-sense pieces of travel advice for you. Most of these are general travel safety tips, whether you are travelling to Iran, New York or Beijing:

1. Carry your passport and wallet on your person in a secure place. You should also make two photocopies of your passport, identification and credit cards. Leave one set of photocopies at home, and carry the other set of photocopies in a separate place, in case the originals are lost or stolen.
2. When flying, anything you cannot afford to lose should go in your carry-on bag, not in your checked luggage.
3. Let your family at home know where you will be staying and how to reach you. Stay in touch with them while you are traveling. Internet cafes are usually very handy for this. I am sure you will find plenty of them in Iran.
4. Use your credit card as little as possible when overseas, to prevent credit card theft or fraud. Pay with cash or traveler's checks.
5. Do not go out alone or at night in areas that are unfamiliar.
6. Do not take out your wallet or your money on the street. Do not use streetside money changers and do not buy goods from street vendors.
7. If you require any medication, take enough with you to last through the trip. Don't count on being able to get a prescription filled overseas.
8. Do not wear expensive clothing, jewelry or watches.
9. When you visit a Muslim country it's best to dress modestly so as to respect the local traditions.

Lastly, I don't like to sound a negative note, but be sure you take enough money with you to pay for lodging and food for the duration of your stay. Even though you may be planning to stay at your fiancee's house and rely on his family's hospitality, there is always the chance that things may not work out, and in that event you need to be able to pay your own way until you return.

Enjoy your trip Insha'Allah. Approach it with an attitude of hope and excitement (not fear or anxiety) and I am sure you will have a wonderful time.

If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, feel free to post your comments below.

Glory to You Allah, we praise You, we bear witness that there is no God except You, we ask Your forgivess and we repent to You.

Best regards,

- Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Administrator
IslamicAnswers.com Islamic Marriage and Family Advice
ZAWAJ.COM Muslim Matrimonials and More!

He REFUSES to touch me in a sexual way, other than to have intercourse. He does not understand the importance of foreplay. It's just straight to intercourse. So of course the act is painful for me. And leaves me very unsatisfied and cold.

This has been going on for 3 year's. He simply refuses to touch my private area with his hands. Make's me feel like I'm dirty or something.

Other than this big problem in our marriage, we are very happy together. When I do try to bring up the difficulties in this area of our marriage, he get's angry .So, I dont say anything for long periods of time. I love my husband with all of my heart, and want very much for us to be satisfied in this area of our marriage.

Is it sin in Islam, to touch your wife on her private's? He seem's to believe this to be the case. Please help. I dont know how much more of this coldness in the bedroom that I can take.

-Mona

People i talk to just tell me to work at the marriage, but the truth is i never wanted to marry him in the first place and i still feel the same. I dont feel like its for me and worth fighting for. I just feel like i want it to end so i break away and start fresh.

WHAT should i do? follow my heart? is lawful in islam for me to leave him now?

November 29, 2006

This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, the AskBilqis.com and Zawaj.com Editor and Administrator.

QUESTION:

Dear Bilqis,

Can I see my future husband before marriage?

- Nadia from Morocco

WAEL ANSWERS:

Dear Nadia, As-Salamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullah,

Yes, of course you can see him. I don't know how things are in Morocco, or if your culture is very conservative, but Islam allows the prospective bride and groom to meet one another and talk.

However, your meeting should not be in private, in other words it should not be just the two of you alone. You should meet in a public place with a chaperone, for example her parents.

You can talk about your ideas about life and your future, and your ideas about marriage, so you can find out if you are compatible for marriage and if you like each others' character.

Both parties must observe proper rules of Islamic hayaa and etiquette. That means controlling the gaze, not touching one another, and discussing only subjects that are "ma'roof", in other words nothing lewd or inappropriate.

If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, feel free to post your comments below.

Glory to You Allah, we praise You, we bear witness that there is no God except You, we ask Your forgivess and we repent to You.

Best regards,

- Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Administrator
AskBilqis.com Islamic Marriage and Family Advice
ZAWAJ.COM Muslim Matrimonials and More!

This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, the AskBilqis.com and Zawaj.com Editor and Administrator.

QUESTION:

Dear Bilqis,

Aslamu elikum warehmatullah

Dear Bilqis, I have a problem, plz give me quick response. I was making a sin of Zinaa. I'm very ashamed of it. I was trapped by the guy. But now i want to marry him, because I don't want to destroy the life of another guy. Plz tell me what can i do? I regularly do Dua to Allah to plz forgive me for this sin.

- D. from Pakistan

WAEL ANSWERS:

Dear Sister D., As-Salamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullah,

It seems that you have repented and made tawbah for your actions. That is very good, alhamdulillah. It's commendable that you are now following the correct path and trying to act as a Muslim.

You said that you were "trapped by the guy." I don't know what you mean by this. If you meant that he physically forced you, then this is not Zinaa, it is rape. This would be a crime that he committed against you. This is not a sin by you, because you were the victim of a crime. In this case I would urge you to report this to the authorities so they can take action against him.

Or maybe your saying you were "trapped" by him means that he pressured you emotionally in some way, and you gave in.
In either case, this man is absolutely not a good man and you should not marry him.

Don't worry right now about marrying someone else. Just focus on living your life, being a good Muslim, and healing from this incident. Eventually, when you are ready, you will find someone good Insha'Allah, and you do not have to mention your past at that time, as it is between you and Allah.

If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, feel free to post your comments below.

Glory to You Allah, we praise You, we bear witness that there is no God except You, we ask Your forgivess and we repent to You.

Best regards,

- Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Administrator
AskBilqis.com Islamic Marriage and Family Advice
ZAWAJ.COM Muslim Matrimonials and More!

This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, the AskBilqis.com and Zawaj.com Editor and Administrator.

QUESTION:

Dear Bilqis,

My sister has lost her Gold chain inside the home and she is very much upset and wants to find out the way in which she can find the lost chain. You are kindly requested to please tell the way of doing Istikharah we will be highly thankful to you.

- Faran from Pakistan

WAEL ANSWERS:

Dear Faran, As-Salamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullah,

Istikhara is not appropriate for this situation. Istikhara is for a situation in which you must choose a course of action or make a decision, and you need Allah's guidance and help in making a good choice.

Your sister should simply make duaa' and ask Allah to help her retrieve her item. However, as Muslims we should not focus excessively on these material things. Your sister should also make Duaa' for her aakhirah and her religion, asking Allah for forgiveness, mercy and blessings.

For good information and articles about Duaa', you can see one of my sister websites, http://www.DuaShare.com

If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, feel free to post your comments below.

Glory to You Allah, we praise You, we bear witness that there is no God except You, we ask Your forgivess and we repent to You.

Best regards,

- Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Administrator
AskBilqis.com Islamic Marriage and Family Advice
ZAWAJ.COM Muslim Matrimonials and More!