Islamic Answers 2008
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I got married in january 08 in usa after came here from South East asia. I received nothing because he has nothing, except a good Muslim converted more than 5 years ago. I try to be good Muslim think about akhirat and being a good wife, so i do not care about my husband financial unstability. But i am not happy with him because I hate his sometime rudeness, American cursing. I feel he take me for granted to be his perfect slave to complete housework exactly he wants. I want to leave, tried few times but came back because i feel sorry for him when he appologise, also because i felt uncomfortable living with things in luggage bags, depending on other people mercy which was not easy.
I want divorce, need help to get on my feet to be independent again. He tell me i can go but i must go without him seeing it to avoid violence confrontation. I am trap where i am not happy, but not easy to move out and on with my own life. I am confuse, lonely and sad. No one understand me. I canot talk to my sisters or friends as i feel shame, confuse and dont want to worry them.
I regret spending my money on him and for the house, i should have save for myself like now to run. Now i dont know where to go, how to run out safely, end this stupid marriage.
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Written by seha on December 28th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Unanswered Questions and Divorce and Problems in the Marriage and Islamic Answers 2008.
My husand and I have been married for many years and have children. Since the beginning, he has always shut down and stopped talking for days if I said anything he didn’t like. Now, years later, he shuts down for weeks and I have stopped going and asking “what is wrong, what did I do?”. There is no abuse or cheating or anything, just no communication. I am very unhappy living in silence with 20% of my marriage being happy and the other 80% being miserable. My children love him though. Am I justified to divorce him because of my unhappiness?
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Written by onthefence on December 28th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Unanswered Questions and Divorce and Should I Leave Him/Her? and Islamic Answers 2008.
Assalamu alikum brother,
I am 23 years old. When i was in my final year of my college, a guy proposed me, initially i said no, but he convinced me saying his parents will accept and will marry me. He said i love you because you were Islamic, since i was wearing hijab and i don talk much to guys. I now realize we don know much about Islam. Our relationships continued, v were talking on phone, v both went out together without our parents knowledge, sorry to say v even had oral relationship. When my parents started seeing alliance, i told them that i like a person who is my college mate. Initially they said no saying he is not good at studies, he is short and his family is big and even they are different language speaking Muslim. My parents said, i may not be able to adjust with their family.But later they agreed and tried talking with tier family. The guys parents strictly said they don entertain this kind of relationship and they asked my parents to look for some other guy for me. My parents told this to me, but still i wanted to get married with that guy and even i had the guilty consciousness of what i have done. I then realize how big mistakes i have done in my life.
The guy tried convincing his parents, brother but they didn’t accept. So what he did is he thought of going out and get a good job and then convince. He didn’t tell his parents and he left. I told him not to go, but was not very stern. After going to that place, he called his parents and said that he has gone out to search a job. Meanwhile his parents called me and asked where are you, they thought that even i went with him. But i said i am at my home. They started saying that its because of me he left home and they started blackmailing me. They asked me were he is, they were very rude to me n my parents. Because of me , my parents suffered a lot. I realize. My dad went to his home and even talked. they said they need their son. After all this , after two months, he went home to convince, he tried all the ways to convince, but they didn’t agree.
My brother recently talked to his dad, but they didn’t agree. The guy wants to marry me and even i am. But i don want to get married against their parents wish. I donno what to do. My parents asked me what to do. What do you want us to do, i now have no choice, i said i am ready to get married to anyone, but frankly speaking i cant accept any other guy. But only for my parents sake, in order to make them happy, i said ok. Now the marriage with other guy will also happen against Islamic principle, in the sense, the marriage will be grand, i donno whether the guy will be Islamic, and if they ask for what will you put for ur daughter, my parents will say we will do only this much. More over i want my marriage to be very simple. Even if i say this to my parents, they will not agree since nowadays marriages are happening grand.
Now i have changed myself. I am trying to pray sincerely. I have even quit my job, since i am not able to pray at office and since certain things are against Islam in my workplace, like mingling with sex, so i have quit the job. I feel if i marry that guy, i can practice Islam even much better (By avoiding TV etc). He has also changed. he has started growing beard. I am reading quran with meanings, i want to even improve in my deeds. we both find guilty and we are now not in contacts. sometime he mails asking what is the situation there. He wants to marry me. He is ver serious about it. He trusts me a lot. I am saying all this is since i want you to give suggestions considering all this.
I follow Islam, but didn’t have knowledge abt this relationship in Islam. I truly repent for what i did. I always cry for what i did. I now started praying sincerely, i am going thr quranic translations, i am trying to be more Islamic. But always have the guilty feeling. I am afraid to get married to another person. What should i do now. Give me your valuable suggestions. Insha Allah i can be rightly guided. Please include me in your duas.
Wassalam
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Written by zara on December 28th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Unanswered Questions and Cannot Get Married and Miscellaneous and Zinaa and Islamic Answers 2008.
i want to make space in a man’s heart for me whom i have known for 6 months. however he is not a muslim nor marriage material. i would like him to revert to islam but it isn’t to do that. he isn’t looking for marriage but i would like him to marry me. Any surahs i can recite help me plz.
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Written by rahima on December 27th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Unanswered Questions and Marriage and Want to Get Married and Islamic Answers 2008.
I have been married for the last 15 years. Recently we had an argument over a small matter. Despite that, the crux is as the husband I do not feel being regarded as one. She tried to apologise but her apology was shrouded with excuses and did not sound sincere. I have been keeping away from her for the last week. I feel that I cannot go on like this anymore and would like to end this marriage. I want to give us a second chance at this, but only way I can think of now is to show to her how angry I am at her disrespect. Should I just move out or provide her with ample evidence of my intent or just tell her straight and divorce her?
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Written by Breakingup on December 20th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Unanswered Questions and Divorce and Should I Leave Him/Her? and Islamic Answers 2008.
Reading between the lines of your post here is my concern:
First of all, if someone loves you, no matter what his religion is, he would want the world to know about his love for you and would want everyone to know about his intentions to marry you even if he had to do it slowly, but out in the open for his family to be prepared for it, that is what an upstanding man would do. In reading your post it seems to me that he nice to you until it seems to him that you are finding out what he is doing behind your back. The things he is saying to you are abusive and controlling, don’t take my word for it, search the internet on what controlling abusive men do to women, he fits the profile. He seems like he is nice to you when he needs a place to live, sleep and eat when he’s not emailing other women, and don’t be surprised if he finds a women willing to take him on…then you won’t have to worry about working things out with him, he will be someone elses problem. I have been through this myself. Please be careful,, he may have married you for reasons you are not aware of….the pregnancy is something I don’t think he was counting on. He seems like a devious man. There are plenty of fish in the sea…and yes, they will date a women with a child. His being cold to you seems to me to be an excuse to keep some distance until he finds another living arrangement, that gives him time to spend away from you so he can put the blame on you of why he does not want to spend time with you, he may have other plans on some particular night. This may sound crazy, and I know you don’t know me, but if you listen carefully to other women, listen to them talk, you will realize that I may have just hit on some real issues that may be happening to you…if not then that is good for you. I wish you luck.. In the meantime, please, please don’t give him any money and protect your assets, if I am right and he leaves to live somewhere else, he will take your money and whatever else he can get away with. You will see his true colors if he can’t get anything from you. One more thing….Since he is emailing other women, he might be having intimate realtionships since no one knows he is married. Remember to protect yourself from aids, you don’t really know for sure what is was doing out of the country. Good luck. My prayers are with you.
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Written by girlsongbird1 on December 20th, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Marriage and Problems in the Marriage and Islamic Answers 2008.
Im 21 years old i have to kids a nice home, theres just one problem my husband is addicted to meth. He takes off and leaves us for days at a time and dont want to pay the bills if i leave i really dont have any where to go. i dont understand why drugs can have that effect on people make them not care about anything or there familys. i have advice for young girls do not get serious with a guy that has a drug problem, i always thought once we got our house and had kids he would stop but like they say once a crackhead always a crackhead.
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Written by aehl ardw on December 20th, 2008 with no comments.
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My question is, after completing Istikhara, and upon contentment of the results, can I share the results with anyone. ie, if someone asks me, can i discuss the end result (yes or no) of the Istikhara performed?
Thank you in advance
Ateeq
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Written by Ateeq on December 20th, 2008 with no comments.
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Dear Bilqis, Salam Alikoum,
Right now, I know of a guy who wants to marry me, and I want to marry him too. We have been getting to know each other over the past year and have fallen in love. However, it is too soon for us to take any steps as we are still in university. He has not informed his family yet as he is on the verge of graduating, but, I informed my mother of this and we asked a pious woman to do salat istikhara for us. However, the istikhara was not good. I would never go against God. My mom told me to istakheer again myself, and that in doing a second istikhara maybe later on when he proposes or when things become more official, it might change as circumstances change. What do I do? Was the pious woman’s istikhara my only chance? What do i do i dont want to give up on him but i don’t want to go against God too.
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Written by DinaG on December 1st, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Unanswered Questions and Marriage and Can I Marry Him (or Her)? and Islamic Answers 2008 and Istikhara.
October 27, 2008
This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, Editor of AskBilqis.com Islamic Marriage Advice, and Zawaj.com Muslim Matrimonial Service.
QUESTION:
Dear Bilqis,
I truely hope you can answer my question as I need advice asap. I married a man I am in love with but after marriege may life was a living hell. My husband is an alcoholic he does not trust me and he accused me of not being a virgin which is absolutly not true as I am a strict Muslim. After our marriage my husband was very controlling. I had no freedom and was always questioned with distrust upon the slightest. I could not visit my family freely. He hit me constantly especially when he was drunk. I have a daughter who now is a year and a half. About a year ago the beating got so bad he almost killed me. He choked me and used a knife to cut my hands… he was drunk. That is when I went to my family for help.
My parents are divorced. My mom wanted me to get a divorce but my dad thought that we should wait as my husband totally regretted what happened and was begging me daily to return to him. I went to live with my dad. Now after 6 months I’m back and still married but living with my dad. My husband wants me to return. I still don’t feel safe and don’t truly believe that he’s changed as he claims. I just want to make sure I’m not taking the wrong decision in asking for divorce. I’m scared of life after divorce and what will happen to my daughter. I still think its a risk if I go back to him, he might not have truly changed, although he claims he trusts me now and that he will do anything to win me back…
- Sister S.
WAEL ANSWERS:
Dear Sister S., As-salamu alaykum wa Rahmatullah,
You should absolutely NOT return to this man. You should divorce him and do not even consider going back to him. He may say he has changed, but in reality he will not change without giving up the alcohol, and extensive therapy to address the causes of his rage and suspicion. It’s very unlikely that he has changed. Why would he suddenly begin to trust you now? This is a dangerous environment for you and your child. This time he has beat you, choked you and cut you; next time he could kill you.
Divorce this man and move on with your life. Ask Allah to guide you and help to find a better future. Insha’Allah one day you will find a real Muslim man who will treat you with love and kindness.
If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, feel free to post your comments below.
“(O Allah), Guide us to the straight path; The path of those whom you have favored; Not those with whom you are angry; Nor those who go astray.”
Best regards,
- Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Administrator
AskBilqis.com Islamic Marriage and Family Advice
ZAWAJ.COM Muslim Matrimonials and More!
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Written by wael on October 31st, 2008 with no comments.
Read more articles on Divorce and Should I Leave Him/Her? and Drug and Alcohol Problems and Islamic Answers 2008.
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