Hi, I’ve been married to my husband who’s muslim for nearly three years now. At the time we got married in a registry office, with two male muslim witnesses and one female christian witness. As far as my husband knew, interfaith marriages are allowed.
Later while browsing the internet he confirmed that on some islamic sites it states that a muslim man can marry a christian girl in a registry office, but some other sites clearly denies it. So now we are confused has we don’t want to do anthing that goes against Islam.
We’ve been looking through your website and found some of the answers, but we’re still not sure yet about the marriage validity in Islam. I didnt have my father or a guardian at the marriage, the reason being my parents dont agree with me being with a muslim man. But my other family members who are happy with my decision weren’t present at the marriage.
Because of our uncertainty at the validity of our marriage its putting a strain on our relationship. My husband is confused about whether we are allowed to sleep in the same bed and have a sexual relationship. He is practising his religion and also helping me study Islam because I want to convert. So given the circumstances is our marriage valid under the light of QURAN and SUNNAH?
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Written by Gem on January 17th, 2008 with comments disabled.
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Novemer 1, 2007
This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, Editor of AskBilqis.com Islamic Marriage Advice, and Zawaj.com Muslim Matrimonial Service.
QUESTION:
Dear Bilqis,
Salam Alikoum,
I am a muslim Morrocan boy, it’s about 3 years that I know a Polish girl. We love each other a lot and we want to get married. Her family knows about our plan. One day I told her that after a long thinking I see that our planning to get married will not be realized if you are not a Musilm. I told her that I need a Muslim girl, who will understand my religion, to share with her everything connected with my religion, to fast Ramadan together, to celebrate Eid feasts, and other important Islamic practices.
She was shocked, because she is attached to her religion as well.
I told her I can start with you from the beginning…. but as I see she is not convinced about being a Muslim girl, and if she does agree it would only be so as not to lose me.
I really don’t know what to do.
From where can I start to introduce islam to her?
If she converts, will she really be convinced about Islam? Will she do that for Allah or only for me?
I don’t want to lose her, but my religion is before everything.
- Yassine from Morocco
WAEL ANSWERS:
Dear Yassine, As-salamu alaykum wa Rahmatullah,
It’s wonderful that your religion is the most important thing to you, and that you are seeking to build a good Islamic family. I think it’s a wise choice on your part to try to marry a Muslim woman only.
Also I want to caution you to be careful in your dealings with the Polish woman and do not get into anything haram. Always behave as a Muslim.
As far as converting the Polish woman to Islam, you must realize that no one can coerce or convince anyone else to follow any religion. You can talk to her and present to her the Islamic beliefs and ideas, but there is no guarantee that she will become Muslim. In the end it is Allah who guides a person. She will only come to Islam if it touches her heart and she chooses it.
On the other hand, if she decides to embrace Islam then you should not question her motiviations. Her belief is between her and Allah.
Start With Tawheed
In presenting Islam to a non-Muslim, any discussion or explanation must begin with Tawheed, the principle of the Oneness of Allah - in other words, that Allah is only One, with no partners.
If the girl is Polish then she is probably Catholic. That means that she believes in the Christian trinity, which is their concept that God consists of three beings, a father, a son and a “holy ghost.”
Even many Catholics have difficulty understanding this concept and even Catholic priests often refuse to explain it. Usually they just say, “It’s a mystery that we cannot understand.” One Catholic person gave me an example of an apple which has three parts, the skin, the flesh and the core, but is still one fruit. Another person actually said to me, “It’s like a candy bar which has a chocolate coating, nougat filling and nuts, but it’s still one candy bar.”
Aside from pointing out the obvious, which is that God - glory be to Allah - is not an apple or a candy bar, rather than attack or criticize the concept of the trinity, I find it more productive to emphasize the Islamic concept of the Oneness of God.
While it certainly is possible to very convincingly refute concepts such as the trinity or the divinity of Jesus (peace be upon him), I believe that such arguments are counter-productive because they often put the person on the defensive and cause him/her to stop listening.
Instead, stick to explaining Tawheed. Explain that God is not three, or ten, or a hundred, but One. That God is Eternal and Absolute, and has no need of children, and that God offers us forgiveness directly without needing any intermediary. You can explain also that God created us and gave us all the good things of the world, and that all He asks in return is that we should worship Him only with no partners.
Of course you can also discuss some of the beautiful rituals of Islam, such as the prayer, fasting in Ramadan, Hajj, etc, and you can mention the social benefits of Islam like racial equality and compassion for the poor.
Spend some time explaining these things to her, and listen to what she has to say. If she refuses to accept Islam, then perhaps you should accept that she is not the right one for you.
If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, feel free to post your comments below.
“(O Allah), Guide us to the straight path; The path of those whom you have favored; Not those with whom you are angry; Nor those who go astray.”
Best regards,
- Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Administrator
AskBilqis.com Islamic Marriage and Family Advice
ZAWAJ.COM Muslim Matrimonials and More!
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Written by wael on November 1st, 2007 with no comments.
Read more articles on Want to Get Married and Islamic Answers 2007.
June 1, 2007
This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, Editor of AskBilqis.com Islamic Marriage Advice, and Zawaj.com Muslim Matrimonial Service.
QUESTION:
Dear Bilqis,
I am an English muslim convert married to a Moroccan man for 15 years. We have 3 girls. Our relationship has always been rocky, but we have had good times as well. Both us have managed to get through bad times because of our kids.Although my husband can be very kind and extremely generous to us Ma’sha’Allah, the problem lies with his anger and aggression.
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Written by wael on May 31st, 2007 with 3 comments.
Read more articles on Marriage and Problems in the Marriage and Islamic Answers 2007.
Captain Kirk is restrained by Romulans… forcing him to marry?
March 30, 2007
This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, the AskBilqis.com and Zawaj.com Editor and Administrator.
QUESTION:
Dear Bilqis,
A friend was forced to get married in Pakistan. A Nikah was performed with some witnesses, but he was not agreeing to the marriage. He was forced. Is there any grounds for annulment?
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Written by wael on March 28th, 2007 with 1 comment.
Read more articles on Marriage and Islamic Answers 2007.
This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, the AskBilqis.com and Zawaj.com Editor and Administrator.
QUESTION:
Dear Bilqis,
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah. Your column is a great one regarding marital issues. May Allah reward you with the best.
My question is that I would like to marry a new convert/revert to Islam. Could you please send me some info regarding any organisations in India having such people, i.e. Muslim converts? May Allah reward us all with the best.
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Written by wael on January 2nd, 2007 with 1 comment.
Read more articles on Unanswered Questions and Marriage and Want to Get Married and Islamic Answers 2007.