I was dating a Man who had been Muslim for  several years when I got pregnant in late- August.

On December 12th I took shahada knowing I was pregnant and that the father would not marry me. The baby's father is now out of the picture. Another Man- a new Muslim like myself has asked about marring me.

We do not understand the rules on this and have been getting many different answers. Some saying I must wait until the baby is born and after the postpartum discharge has cleared (the 40 days), and other saying I can marry now because I was not Muslim when the child was conceived.

Does anyone know where the answer to this question can be found?

~81Amatullah

]]> http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/how-soon-can-i-get-married-after-giving-birth/feed/ 6 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/catholic-sunni-muslim-girlfriend/ http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/catholic-sunni-muslim-girlfriend/#comments Sun, 05 Feb 2012 20:29:19 +0000 vpham http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=37160

Is my marriage permissible?

We have been dating for 4 years now, and are planning to get married in another 3 years (Insha'Allah) but we both agree not to change religions (vice versa). How can we make it work?

Vpham.

Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

Dear Brother,

My youger sister got married to a person recently without  informing me and my family. But after performing Nikaah she came back home. We have not told this matter to any of our relatives. Now we have decided that we will perform her Nikaah to the same person by inviting and informing our friends and relatives, so that no one may know that my sister ran away and performed Nikaah and then cannot make fun of my family.

Now my first question:-Is there any harm in this as regards as per Qura'n and Hadith??

(as I know asking this question is my shamelessness as one would surely think that my sister ran away and now I'm asking for sugggestion as per Qura'n and Hadith.)

My parents want her to wait (for performing second Nikaah) until they get some appropriate marriage offers for me so that we both (sisters) could marry together other wise people will ask many questions like why younger sister is getting married when elder is yet not married? And the good thing is  is that my sister's in-laws are ready to wait till my marriage.

My second question is:- Is it right to make her wait since we dont know how long would it take to get my marraige would  fixed, althoug my parents are trying their best for this ??

Kindly answer my these two questions.

JAZAAK'ALLAHU KHAIR.

~Kaneez Fatima

I've been with this guy for almost 7 months now. We are very in love, I care about him immensely. And we are even planning marriage soon. To me he is perfect. There is nothing wrong with him the only problem I have with him is his past. When I first met him he did tell me that he was not a virgin, at that time it did not really bother me because it was a long time ago and he was studying his deen and practicing Islam now so I figured that’s just his past and he’s changed now. But recently I have been really hurting over this. Like it’s really bothering me that he is not a virgin and he’s been with other girls. I feel like if I stayed clean all my life he should have had the will power to do so as well.

Sometimes I have like mental images of him being with other girls or being intimate with them and it literally makes me sick to my stomach. No event really triggered this; I just started feeling like this out of nowhere. I talked to him about it and he told me that was his past and its something he regrets and repents over all the time. He wishes he never did it and he told me just to forget it and move on and pretend that it never happened. But it’s not that easy for me. Sometimes I do get over it but then other times I think about it again. It just makes me so disgusted and angry that he already had sexual intercourse with other girls. They were not even relationships. A couple of them were just random girls that he knew for a little while. I feel like I can never be intimate with him after marriage because it will never be special like it will be for me since its going to be my first time. But I feel like for him its just going to be just another girl. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to keep mentioning it to him either because I know it makes him feel bad when I bring up his past, but I just don’t know how to deal with it.

I don’t want to break up this great relationship because he means so much to me but at the same time I’m having such a hard time getting over his past. Sometimes I even have like graphic images about it. I feel like I’m going crazy.

~Pinkberry

As salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah.

Insha'Allah all is well.

I am wondering as to whether the following is correct. I was told that if a Hafiz proposes he shouldn't be refused. I  don't know if this is true and based on evidence or not. Does anyone know? Also his character and piety is still not sure about yet.

 JazzaqAllahu kayran. Thanks

~Sensev

About 15 months ago I met a charming man from Morocco online. We had so much in common, seemed to get along great & shared a lot of the same values. We discussed everything freely. We were simply comfortable like we were friends our entire life. For me, it seemed like I was in love after our first conversation. We have spoken almost everyday thereafter.

Of course he is Muslim and after educating myself on the religion, I have made it my personal choice to convert. It just makes so much more sense to me then the religion I grew up with. When I told him of course he was pleased, considering I made this decision alone.

About 5 months into the relationship he asked me to marry him. I was so completely infatuated with him that I didn't hesitate to accept. After being married 13 yrs to a man that was abusive in every way, I never thought I could/wanted to love again. I have shared this past with my fiance in full. Mostly to help him understand certain things about me so never to make the same mistakes. But over the last 6 months or so things with him have changed. Being fully aware of how much I despised the way my ex-husband treated me, he has come to do the same in many ways. Constant arguing over the smallest issues or turning my words around into something hurtful. Even the smallest things I do (or don't do) get blown out of proportion. It only makes me feel like I am always wrong in any situation. It's degrading really.

I have a lot going on in my life here (USA). So plans to visit have come and gone. More then once. With all the problems we've encountered, his declaration of marriage never fades. The feeling that this was all too good to be true gets stronger daily. I'm sure at one point his feelings & intentions were sincere. Now? I'm only discouraged by how uninterested he seems. Until a few months ago we would connect every morning and night. Now, suddenly he has to leave everyday by a certain time. For what? I'm usually told something different everyday but always at the same time. No matter how many multiple times I've asked, I never see photos of him while he is out yet demands it of me. The last time he did was Jan. 2011. He doesn't call like he used to or even text. Some times he doesn't even connect leaving me with no word of his safety. He NEVER used to be like this with me. Our relationship was always a priority to him. His sincere devotion to me is fading with the exception of him being determined to marry me. I have taken notice to this and have mentioned it to him. I have even offered for us to take a "break" to see if this is what he (we) truly wants. It only caused more problems and he went as far as telling me, multiple times, that he could not & would not live without me. In other words he would kill himself. At first I didn't care if he was serious about his threat or not. I was only sure I couldn't live if something happened to him. I think he realized this. Therefore the threats to hurt himself, whenever the subject comes up, haven't stopped.

I have become so full of doubt. Not only with these characteristic changes but also after reading all the blogs about marriage fraud. More specifically with Moroccan men & women in the US, UK & Canada. I fear my relationship will end only with me being statistic... Another naive American woman scammed into marrying someone that only wanted a visa.

I know this must sound foolish to some but I am so in love with this man and want nothing more then to remain happy and safe. Even if it means leaving him because my doubts are too strong. I won't risk being hurt again.

Suggestions please!!! What I should say to him regarding his behavior, how/if I should question that he is only with me for a visa or even how I can end it gracefully. Any suggestions or guidance is appreciated.

~Chris

I am a 21 year old girl who wants to get married to someone I've been with for nearly 3 years.

The problem is I'm Pakistani and he is Bengali, and because of this my parents aren't accepting. His side have agreed and want to get the ball rolling a.s.a.p. My mum is partially o.k with it as long as my dad agrees she don't mind. I dont know what to do.

Does anyone know any duas that I can read which will help my parents to accept this proposal or has any other advice.
Thank you

~Meher21

Assalamu alaikum

I am a 28yr old girl, single. In my student life I didn’t get into any relationship with any guy (even though I had people who were interested in me) because I know it is forbidden. Friends all around me got into such forbidden relations & are now married. My family is looking for my groom & Alhamdulillah I have received many marriage proposals. However I have turned down some on account of the guy working in riba based bank/firms.

Have I done the right thing? Or should I not worry about his source of income? I feel I should since riba is haraam & I should not get involved with such a life partner knowingly.

Recently I received a proposal where the guy said he was a practicing Muslim, I was impressed by that and also by his education so I thought I might have found the right person. After speaking with him for a while he asked me whether I would consider not wearing the hijab for a while after marriage, since according to him as a couple I would look old with hijab with him. I was shocked & said no, this is not something that I can do. I am hurt and now I look back & think about the previous proposals that I have refused, the guys had no problem about my hijab but I turned them down because of their riba based jobs, did I do the right thing?

I know I have made a mistake once when I turned down one proposal because I thought I did not find the guy attractive. Now I realize that was a big mistake on my part. I pray to Allah to forgive me for that error in judgment.

People of my age are all married/or getting married & even though I do not have any family pressure I know my parents are worried about me.

So what should I do? I know I have to be patient & I regularly pray to Allah to give me a husband who is a believer, a practising Muslim who earns in a halal way.  Do pray for me & tell me whether I am doing the right thing focusing on the income issue.

Thank you

~uhjfv

I'm the elder daughter of my parents. I have another younger sister. We don't have any brother. We always tried to do everything what our parents wanted us to do. Every time my father used to tell me you can do this and you can't do this. I didn't have any opinion of my own. It is like what ever we do on our own will be wrong and bad for us.

He loves us so much that’s why he was very protective but on the other hand I don’t have any self-confidence. Anyways, now its time for me to get married and from the very beginning I have decided that I will get married with the person who is chosen by me, but my father is not agreed.

He thinks he is not good for me, that he is not good looking or that his family is not up to his standard (here I should mention that the boy I love’s father does the same job that my father does...both of them are now retired).

I don’t know why he insults them like this, it is not just that:  he is forcing me to get married with the boy he wants and pressuring me to get married in his choice, but I’ve loved this person for 6 years and we want to get married as soon as possible.

The boy is in the same profession as my father and he doesn't look like a prince but he is quite a decent guy. I respect my parents, that’s why I’m waiting for their consent, but they are getting more critical by the day.

I’m 25 now and I think I should get married as soon as possible.

I want to know: is what my parents are doing right in Islam? And by that I mean their emotional blackmailing and pressurizing.

What should I do?

Hi I am a girl of 23 years old. I live in UAE. My family is very simple yet modern. I love a man who is 33 of age. I am in love with him since last 4 years.

When our relationship started I didn’t know that he was married before. I made up my entire mind in all aspect to marry him I used to ask him to marry him but he asked me to wait but I wasn’t ever inquisitive because I'm myself studying now.

Then one day he came up to me and told me that he was MARRIED before for seven years and that his marriage was arranged and that it was a fraud. He said she wasn’t pretty and was fat. He didn’t like her and didn’t accept her from the first day and with the passage of time her behavior was the worst and that she used to look for other proposals in his presence etc. so he decided to divorce her because she didn’t cooperate.

I asked him about his physical relationship with her and he said that he did not have any physical relations with her because he didn’t like her physically. In seven years he didn’t have intercourse with her. He explained all this to me once. Then he went to another country for job. I had a tough time and my trust was shattered. I didn’t know what to do, but I loved him so I accompanied him.

Now his family came to my house for proposal. There is a hell of difference in our families, they are very religious practicing and my family is not that much. Secondly recently after 6 months, AS HE TOLD ME THE PAST I asked him some of the questions related to his wife. He got pissed off at me and restricted me to ask each and every question for once and never discuss the topic in life again IF I WANNA live with him, because this topic disturbs him now.

I am upset
 and don’t know what to do because already I’ve endured family differences, his age and the divorce. Now he is forbidding me to ask any questions relating to his past and also imposing on me to have hijab after marriage (as I don’t wear hijab right now). I love him but I want suggestions? What to do?

I won’t feel comfortable when he restricts me to question because it will cut from inside. I want to have a good understanding with him through out. What steps should I take? Please suggest. What religiously should I do?