I am 24 years old and have a 2 year and 7 months old daughter. My husband was a catholic but converted himself to islam to marry me. Though my family was against our marriage later they were fine with it. three months after marriage I found out that he was a drug addict. He never could do a job for more than few weeks and he would mentally torture me asking for money. I loved him truly and honestly and went through a lot of humiliation and pain because of his addiction. I had to borrow money from people I know to pay his debts. He pawned everything he could to get money for his drugs.

It was his parents who financially supported us and there were always physical fights and between him and his father because he used to steal things and money. Several times he was taken for treatments and though he promised never to go back to it it was always lies. He continuously tortured me mentally asking for money and making me borrow from everyone I knew. I once took the medicine he was using and was not in my usual senses for days. I cut my hand, burnt myself with his cigarettes and fell on his feet begging him to stop. I said we will go somewhere far away and live if he wants to if being in the city is dragging him towards it.

He even was in a rehab center for one and a half months but he never stopped. I threatened him with divorce but although he always cried and asked me to forgive and give him another chance, he never changed. Once I even went looking for the place where they sold these drugs and cried and begged them not to sell these stuff its ruining my whole life. After sometime they had left the place. During this time I got pregnant and came to be with my mum as I was suffering with morning sickness for all of the 9 months. even during this time his mental torture did not cease. When my baby turned 4 1/2 months I decided to find myself a job because my in laws who were supporting us were in the attitude of I have to take care of him no matter what his behavior was as they were supporting me. I stopped every help I received and did my job.

I always completed my duties as a wife and always tried to help him get over it. I begged him to find a job and take care of me and my daughter because I did not want to work. I wanted to be a house wife and take care of my family. But he only ignored me and said he was trying. In this stage my mum and brothers were begging me to divorce him that they will take care of me and my child. But I loved my husband more than anything and I could not think of a life without him. I wanted him to be a good father to my daughter and for us to have a have a happy family. But things got bad to worse.

He had stolen things from a neighbors house and was remanded and then beaten by the police and I had to look after him as he was wounded. At this stage life was so hard because my baby refused to take anything else other than my milk. I filled bottles of my milk in the mornings before i left to work and was having a terrible time there too. when i come home as i set foot after 08 hours work and crushed in heavily crowded buses after office hours my mum will show me the bottles with the untouched milk as the baby had refused to take them in. I will bathe and nurse my baby till the next day morning without any sleep.

At this stage my father in law threatened me that he will take away my child if i dont take good care of his son. This is when I decided to go ahead with the divorce. I got separated from him and during this period he and his family begged me and promised me they will make him a good man and will give me back the husband i want and the father I wanted for my daughter. But my mother and brother who were suffering seeing me suffer made me firm in my decision.

Although I loved him I had no choice as I felt someday I will have only Allah and my family with me. When I refused to listen to him and when I refused to see him he feared that this time things were not easy for him and somehow his family and friends got him into the rehab for one year. During this time I got my fasah divorce. I was taking care of my daughter with my job and I thought I got over my husband and was able to forget him. But when he returned from the rehab he wanted to meet me to confess and give promises to take care of me and my child. But I never met him nor did I have any kind of communication with him. The time he was allowed to see my daughter while I was away my daughter who knew that everyone had a dad was thrilled to know she had a dad too and she wanted his love.

She was overwhelmed and happy with his presence. I realized then that I still love him too and a great urge to see him and talk to him was emerging. But I am still able to control myself. He has fallen on the feet of my brother and pleaded with him to give him another chance to make up for all what I went through. My whole family says no. That I am already divorced and there is no more chances. They are planning to give me in marriage again soon. But now deep inside I feel that I should give him another chance. But my mum says no way. They will find a good husband for me insha allah who will be a good husband as well as a good father. But I highly doubt that. Who ever it be will never be able to fulfill the love of a father.

I don't want to go through another turmoil in my life. My daughter needs her father and now I am having second thoughts about the divorce. I dont know if divorcing him was the right decision I took and now how can I build up my future with my daughter?? I have no faith in a marriage to another person. But I have to be obedient to my family too. They ask me what guarantee I have that he will not go back to drugs and torture me the same way again. I am now in a state of depression. I have ruined my whole life and now my little daughter also is a victim.

What do I do now?? Please advise me. I am crying even while I am typing.

~Worried

Salam to my brother and sisters, this is not to hurt anyone.

I know that this is a weird question, but as I'm born as a muslim and have inherited the gift of islam from my birth, am I superior to those who have just embraced islam?

I know that the people who embrace Islam tend to practice it more riglourly than those who are born with it.

But it is true that a person who converted from another religion can also leave islam (Allah knws best) and the person who is a born muslim may leave track of the path but after sometimes may come back on right track (Allah knws best).

So is a born muslim better/superior to a converted muslim. Or both are muslim and both will go to heaven / hell based on their deeds?

- Al-bahjah

Assalamu alaikum.

I belonged to a traditional Hindu family and was very religious since childhood, am the eldest daughter with two sisters and a brother. I stayed away from my parents mostly for studies but used to miss them a lot.

After I grew up, I started working and was posted in a big city. In my office I met a Muslim boy who was senior to me and was moved by his manners, wisdom and nature. We used to discuss about religion and I started knowing the real Islam, way beyond the myths I had heard since my childhood. We used to admire each other also but thinking about marriage was unfathomable due to the barrier between Hindus and Muslims. We both had decided to forget each other and I decided to get married according to my parents' wishes, that is, to a Hindu boy. The marriage got fixed but I was not happy, I did not want to follow the tradition of idol worship any more and also did not want to marry anyone else other than my friend.

I broke that betrothal (not even engagement had happened) and my parents got to know about all this and then started a period of emotional struggle, mental torture and family fights. I was called back home and was not allowed to go back  but my dad felt pity on me and sent me again on the promise that I will leave my job and come back. After going back I decided to embrace Islam on my own free will and marry my Muslim friend and hence I told my parents my decision. After a struggle of one year, my parents left all hope of my return and then got my younger sister married to a Hindu boy she liked. Few days after that I got married with my friend's parents consent.

I want to tell you that I have accepted Islam with all my faith and believe in the oneness of God and have never gone back to idol worship, though my friend was the reason behind my starting to learn about it. I believe that I did not commit any mistake by embracing Islam but my parents do not understand. They say that I failed my duty as a daughter, I have shamed them, they are unable to face any relatives. I am very sad as I could not become a good daughter and caused agony to them but I could not have stayed in that house and worshiped idols after once knowing about God's revelation. My dad and my siblings do not talk to me, they say that I did not fulfil any responsibility towards my parents, lied to them and brought shame to them.

I never got to stay with my parents in my childhood and now also I am suffering. Please help and guide me.

~SkRida

I was a Hindu girl and reverted around two years ago to Islam by the grace and mercy of ALLAH(SWT). My parents  don't know about this. They are planning for my marriage with any Hindu boy. I can't marry any Hindu boy.

Now  I want to tell them that I am Muslim and want them to know about the truth of Islam. The purity of Islam.

May I tell them? Please suggest. Jazak Allah Khair.

~Aisah ba

From my school days onwards all my friends have been Muslims and so I have always felt an interest in this religion. I started reading Quran for the past few months and I am very familiar with the prayers and all your religious activities. I truly feel that this is what am here for, but I don't want my decision to hurt my parents, since am their only child.

They fear that after my conversion they won't be allowed to see me.  My very best friend is a Muslim guy and I would love to have a life with him.I have not told him this till today, because I know he sincerely believes in his religion. So my liking him will put him in trouble.

So my question is very simple. Am I allowed to see my parents and be with then even after my conversion? I won't get married so soon after my conversion.

So till the day I marry can I live with my parents..??

Hi,

I'm in need of abit of advice. I have only been with my Egyptian boyfriend for few months and he says to me that he wants me to become a Muslim, is this a good thing? How will it affect the children that I already have?

He has also mentioned marriage and tells me he doesn't want anything from me i.e money or visa.(he already lives in the UK) he tells me to read about Islam and his religion so I know what he his all about.

When I search this all I find is about the worship to God (Allah) and praying etc so im a little confused as to what else I need to know about his religion.

asalam o alaikum w.r.t.b!

I am a medical student from pakistan. me and my family are in a big problem.. as it happens, without our knowledge my brother (who is my class fellow) read some anti islamic novels and books mostly of the author Uzma Aslam khan, in which she wrote some ayats and denied the truth of them...

now my bro is believing the author's words.. also he has read other books and articles ,thus is becoming a secularist.. and also has shown interest in boys instead of girls.

...we are deeply hurt...we are practicing muslims, no one near us has ever done so.. my dad has tried a lot to guide him back to islam but in vain.... we need help how to guide him,he is a good boy. not much mature... he just got some wrong ideas in his mind..

please help us.. may Alah give u ajar e azeem!

jazakallah khair kasireen

- glitterbutterfly

Is my marriage permissible?

Hi,

I am a non muslim from new zealand who up until recently had been seeing a Fijian/indian muslim guy. (for almost 3years; 1 living together). We aren't married and haven't done nikkah. He isn't a devout Muslim; he smokes and drinks alcohol and almost never goes 2 the mosque or prays. We both eat haram food. (jst not pork.) I never really had a relationship with his family until recently. We broke up for 5 months at the beginning of the year and got back together in July. After this started to see his parents a lot more and kind of got a little bit close with them.
I am currently 13 weeks pregnant; we found out in 6th weeks and when we told his parents they were furious saying I MUST get an abortion, I am just using him and I got pregnant on purpose. They disowned him and 2 weeks later they came 2 my parents (where we were staying) while we weren't home and said for him 2 come over sometime (which was their way of apologizing). He started 2 go there again but I refused feeling like they wanted 2 kill my child. When I was 10 weeks pregnant; his mum called and invited me over 2 talk so I went thinking I was going 2 get an apology for the things they said; which I didn't! Instead they said they had figured out 'damage control' for the situation.
We all thought that nikkah couldn't be done while I was pregnant so they explained 2 me that we would instead LIE to the community and everyone saying their son and I did nikkah in secret and came back to have the celebration. I was told it would b a 'small party' so I agreed; I later found out it would be my wedding with 350 people that i didn't know. I also wouldn't get to plan it and it would be done in 3 weeks time. When I realized what was happening; I tried to back out, I was told that if we didn't go through with it that his family wouldn't have anything to do with him. Because, I didn't want him to loose his family I agreed.
When we first found out I was pregnant he (the father of my child) said he wanted 2 start attending the mosque more, give up smoking and drinking and also stop eating haram. I was happy to hear these things. But, he didn't change; 4 weeks later and still no change. He kept making excuses that he would but didn't. While I was 10 weeks pregnant; we were at his parents' house with a lot of his family around. He hadn't had a cigarette all day and I refused to let him have one (I had his wallet so he couldn't buy any); we physically fought for half an hour as he was trying to get it off me. He finally gave up when his cousin arrived with some. I was so embarrassed, angry and emotional that I just hid in the bedroom and cried. His mother made him come in we talked for 5 minutes before he agreed to take me back to my mums.

When we arrived he packed all his clothes and left. I messaged him and said he could have his ciggarettes if they meant that much to him and it was over between us. He never texted me back. I haven't heard from him in 3 weeks.
Should I give him a break about smoking? Am I just making a big deal about nothing? I stopped eating pork when we first met and haven't eaten it since. He's never given up anything for me. We are having a baby now me converting so his child can be raised Muslim; should be more important than a cancer stick.
Also I feel his parents are being unfair in forcing us to 'marry' it is something I want to do with him but its also something I want to spend months planning and not have my mother in law plan everything FOR ME in a matter of weeks.

Any advice please help!

mum2b.

Salaam everyone, I am a muslim boy who wants to marry a Hindu girl. The time when we thought of  being with each other for life and get married. I told her that it is going to be difficult for me to marry you because there are few expectations that my parents and family would have from you and I am not too sure if you will be able to fulfil them.

I told her about all that my family would expect out of her if we get married and the first and foremost thing is that she will have to get converted into Islam and then religiously follow everything that islam religion preaches. She agreed to it and has already started  knowing about Islam, the history of Islam and other preachings of islam. Its been 5-6 months that she has started following things and few of those things she does on a regular basis is that she has learned few surah's which she recites everyday. She reads Surah e yaseen everyday. She reads dus e kumail every friday and few other surah's on daily basis. She says that since the time she has started learning about Islam she has started to develop a faith in Islam and she tries to convince me that she is not doing all this only for the sake of marrying me but she also has faith in it and would continue to do everything lifelong.

Things were going smooth until last month when i told my parents about marrying her. My mother and my sister have somehow agreed to this alliance for my happiness but my father is not at all agreeing. He is thinking about the society and family and is not able to accept it. At one time he says fine if its about your happiness then we will not say anything and at the very next moment he starts opposing it. Since I am the only child to my parents they say they have dreamed of me marrying someone of their choice ( Of course a muslim) and how can I make them unhappy and marry this girl.

I am now in a dilemma as to whether I should marry this girl or for my parents happiness if I should leave her because I am afraid that if I get married to this girl then they will be so disheartened that I went against my parent's wish and my decision should not have a severe effect on their health. I am sure that if i get married to this girl then after few years when they see her following everything the right way they will be happy but as for now I am not able to decide.

I need genuine advice because I cannot even leave this girl who has already started following Islam.

I thought it would be best if I highlighted all my issues for someone that can offer me some learned advice:

• I'm selfish
• I don't do what's expected of me
• I live a haraam lifestyle
• Question my faith
• I lie to shield my insecurities
• I've fallen for a Christian girl

I'm selfish because my parents have sacrificed so much for me but I'm contemplating on leaving the country for better prospects and lifestyle. My grandparents migrated here for the same reasons I want to leave. Being the eldest son, I've always wanted to uphold my responsibilities to my parents but if I do migrate, I'm unsure if my parents would come with me. My father has a business he's built over many years and my mother doesn't speak a word of English, a member of a very tight nit community and settled in her ways.

Do I sacrifice my dreams and ambitions to live up to my responsibilities or will I resent my parents for it? Does it have to be one or the other?

At this moment in time I'm only a Muslim by name. I drink, eat haraam food, I don't pray, there is really no difference between me and a non-Muslim. The majority of my friends are non-Muslims and the few friends that I do have that are Muslims are non practising as well, so I find myself divulging in haraam activities as a social norm. I told all my close friends that I've quit alcohol today but they don't understand the logic behind it and laughed it off.

How can I increase my imaan without becoming a social outcast? I like the fact I have friends from many cultures and backgrounds and surrounding myself with devout Muslims would quite honestly bore me.

I find myself making excuses for my actions by questioning certain aspects of my faith. Things like 'what kind of a god would create me just to worship him?', 'are all my good hearted friends going to burn in hell for eternity just because they follow a different faith?', 'why does god care about us consuming meat that was prepared a certain way?' 'why is evolution such an evil idea?', 'why is god offended when women don't cover their hair?'. These are just a few questions that roll around in my head. It would be nice if someone can give me an Islamic answer as I know we're a religion of logic.

Telling petty lies about myself has almost become a part of my daily routine. I don't know why I do it, maybe I want people to see me as something 'better' as I don't feel the person I am is good enough. I live in a very sexualised society, I'm not a virgin but by no means am I someone that enjoys sleeping around with random women. But living in a house with seven other guys, keeping a tally on the number of women you've bedded almost influences your ranking in 'lad mentality'. How do I become more confident in my own person not to resort to constantly telling petty lies?

My last question is the most important one. I always saw myself doing what is expected of me and marrying a traditional Muslim woman who's a virgin, wants to be a housewife and help look after the kids and my parents. Every woman I've ever dated has been non-Muslim and the person I'm currently seeing is a pretty devout Christian. She has a beautiful personality; modest, kind hearted, shy, loving, and everything I could expect in a life partner except:

- She's not a Muslim and from many discussions I can't ever see her converting to Islam. I've heard people say that 'people of the book' don't have to convert but then wonder how do they raise their children? Can a Christian mother really teach her children Islamic values?

- She's slept with one other person and that really bothers me. I've always wanted to be the one and only for my wife but feel like someone's taken that opportunity from me. We love each other but will this niggling feeling get stronger?

- Do interfaith marriages work? I've told her I'm going to become a practising Muslim and she is aware of what that entails and she's told me she'd support me in it as long as I don't expect her to change.

- Is she worth risking my relationship with my family?

Thank you for taking the time to read this, as you can tell there's a lot on my mind and many decisions that need to be made. Decisions that will significantly impact my life and of my loved ones. I needed someone's impartial advice as everyone around me has their own agenda.

I'm going to Jummah this Friday, pick up a prayer timetable, figure out which way Makkah is and ask Allah to forgive me and guide me. I look forward to reading your advice.

Sincerely

A very confused and lost brother.