I need an advice, my brother impregnated a non-Muslim girl. At first we were open to the idea of marriage between them, but the problem is, we cannot take the girl's attitude. She causes a lot of drama in my brother's life and even to us.

She makes scandalous posts on networking sites, she lacks decency in the situation. And usually she causes trouble to people who are linked to my brother's life like his own friends and co-workers and when you confront her she has no remorse to what she did.

There have also been times when she utters unbearable word about my family and my religion. She is known to have a bad reputation; she's the cause of most fights.

So we decided to cancel the wedding, since it will only cause more problems and we are pretty sure they will not live a harmonious life together.

Now here's where the problem arises: since the child is considered illegitimate, and according to the law the mother has the only right to the custody of a child, we are afraid that the baby will turn out a non Muslim believer, since obviously, she's the one whose going to rear the child. We really wanted the baby to be a Muslim.

Now her family will not allow us to have share custody of the baby unless my brother will marry her, what should we do?

Do we need to let them marry for the baby’s sake even though we know first hand that she will create more trouble and problems?

Please help me.

~Misha

Hi,

Firstly I would like to say that I would not want to hurt any one's religious sentiments.

I have been in love with a Muslim girl for last 3 years. She was very pretty and beautiful. We loved each other very much. But due to her family, her life was threatened and she became in danger.

So I married to her in arya samaj. And get the marriage registered in the Hindu marriage act. Then when our parents came to know about this marriage, the storm comes in our family.

Due to that the girl had to go back to her native place to her parents. After that our family members insisted to us that we forget each other. But it is very hard for us.

Now she is not in contact with me. But she still needs me a lot in her life. Please suggest what I should do. I am afraid that her parents may marry her to just anyone. Please suggest me what to do. We love each other very much...

~truelove

Dear all,

I have a query about interaction with non Muslim relatives. My husband's Aunty (his Mum's sister) had converted to Hinduism and married a Hindu man. From that union they have daughters who are naturally Hindu. My question i:  is there a limit as to how a Muslim man can interact with his non Muslim female cousins?

It is relatively easy when it comes to us Muslims. We are generally taught that we  have come of age, we should be mindful of how we interact with cousins/relatives of the opposite gender. But what about non Muslims? I am worried because I have seen how they interact with him, touching, sitting of the same bed in the same room etc, morever when they are not dressed in  a proper fashion.

We always say that a wife must be mindful of how she behaves around other men, even if they are your mahrem but what about a man? Do we as a wife have the right to demand that they stop interacting in such a shameful manner? I am uncomfortable with this because they are non Muslims therefore they do not have the same decorum rules as us.

W'salam.

Assalamu alaykum!

Dear brothers and sisters, I'm in  need of an advice. Since my teens years I have been involved in wrong. A year and a half ago I met a very nice Christian girl and we started dating. Early on in our relationship I told her religion will be a problem and she said she would convert if I told her more about religion and if he she thought it was best for her. So we dated and were happy and planned to get married all along. Meanwhile I told her more about Islam and she was more and more willing to become a muslim.

Recently I had an opening of the heart and realised all the wrong I've been doing and decided to turn back to Allah and Islam before it's too late. I repented and cried and still do, and I told her about it and she said she knows what we were doing was wrong and agreed. So we decided to turn our relationship into a friendship and be good friends till we get married. She now has good knowledge of Islam and is certain about converting.

The problem is that she's only 20 and still dependant on her parents and has two more years to finish her studies. He parents are very conservative when it comes to religion and would never accept her conversion, she's even scared to talk about religion at home as her father gets very defensive. All this frustration is causing problems in our friendship and she says I'm not supportive and understanding like a friend should be, especially if we plan to get married. I just want there to be some form of distance between us so we don't fall back into sin. She also says that waiting two years is just going to drive us apart as we become more and more distant.

Please help and advise how we can make it all work with all this obstacles in our way. I know she wants to become a Muslim and I want to marry her and not abandon and betray her after all this.

It is a PG concert with no drugs or alcohol, and monitored by security.

I'm 18 and I've never been to a concert before, and this concert I really want to go to isn't a dance-ish techno concert, so people won't be all drunk and crazy, I've been good all my life but music means so much to me and this concert means too much to me.

Will I go to hell if I go to the concert but do nothing haram (drinking, using drugs, dancing with the opposite sex etc)  when I'm there?

Few months ago I posted a question ("Pregnant by Saudi Boyfriend") regarding my pregnancy and I was left by a Saudi guy after a long term "serious relationship.

Some of you advised me to find out the family of my boyfriend and let him know about the baby on way, so after long days of searching I finally found out an address and a phone of his family.

Asking some Saudis they said that there are not specific addresses and what they do is to send letters or packages by Fedex, write the name of the receiving person, and the phone number, so when the letter or package arrives the office contact them to go to pick what they receive, it this true?

I was planning to send his father a letter letting him know about the situation but I don't know what exactly to say, because I am afraid that he will just ignore my letter and continue the life as if nothing happened. Some people advised me to send the letter now saying that I'm pregnant and in few weeks the baby will born, that I don't expect money from them that I just expect the father of my baby to be involved in his life and name him as he deserve. On the other hand, there are people saying that I should wait until the baby is born to send them the letter plus pictures of the baby. As result of all this advice I am  confused and right now I don't know what to do, if I should send the letter now or just wait?

In the same way, I am afraid of what their (parents) reaction will be because for sure in so traditional country this will be such a dishonor for them, more because they are well known in the society, and they are known as a good family that helps people in need as well. I want to believe that they will be good and they won't left his grandson alone and they will be worry about my son emotional health, but on the other hand the dishonor of their family is at stake and probably they would like to keep it in secret and never talk about that, so they just going to forget my letter and act as if they don't receive nothing.

Please brothers and sister, help me with this because I'm struggle of what I should do and how I can do it. I wish to receive some advice as soon as possible because I'll give birth soon.

Allah ybarek lak.

~Maria_us

"O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise (each other). Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of God is (he who is) the most righteous of you. And God has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things)." 49:13.

Salam Allaikoum brothers and sisters, I'm really new here!

I'm facing this problem right now, I've met this very decent loving and caring lady, she's British Pakistani. and I am an Arab from Qatar. We are both british citizens. We have not done anything wrong or met alone or anything dodgy! I'm just very interested in her and have fallen in love. We have gotten to know each other which is a bad thing in a sense, but I honestly want to stop it from going any further by marrying her and taking our relationship in a completely halal way Insha-Allah. I see a good future for the both of us.

I expressed a future marriage proposal to her in coming years after I finish university. She accepted and agreed to marry me in the future Insha-Allah, and has informed her mother about it. Her mother completely agreed and has no problem, same with her father.

She wasnt a good muslim before, not wearing a hijab and not praying and fasting, but after getting to know me, mashAllah she has gotten much better. She has started to pray 5 times a day, fast ramadan and would love to preform hajj in the future, but she is still not wearing a Hijab due fear of social pressures in the UK. I'm trying to convince her and she is slowly coming into wearing it. She wears it sometimes to see what its like when she goes out for errands. I'm very proud of her and myself for making her come closer to Islam and guiding her to the right path. I feel as if I have made a good impact in her life and made her come closer to Islam and she has made a good impact in mine by making me much kinder than I used to be.

I'm more of a good character than I used to be, and she encourages me to help her get closer to Islam. I really want to marry her in the future and make our relationship completely halal but I'm too afraid of my parents reactions if I asked for marriage. This is due to the difference of race and culture, my parents don't want me marrying a woman of different culture and race as they cannot relate to her as much as they can to an Arab girl, but this is a stupid reason as both my parents have many friends from different races.

The backwardness in the race barrier is causing havoc in my mind, as I'm a great opposer of all this. Could I get married without my parents consent? I won't hide the marriage and everything I'll tell them I'm going to marry her and everything so there wont be any secrecy.

My parents know who she is, and I have asked the question ''Can I get married to a girl that's Non-Arab?'' without mentioning her and both my parents disagreed, opting to go the traditional arranged marriages.Is race a valid reasons for parents to stop you marrying a woman? What could be a valid reason other than race to not marry a woman?

~JamalJay

"Salam, I've recently married, and I talked with the woman (21 years old, she lived in US with her family and came to Pakistan to visit her relative and we got her proposal) I married for over 2 months. During that time, we saw her parents are very religious and my family and me accepted the wedding proposal. I live and work in small country where there is a very small community of Muslims and no higher education opportunities. After I married I took her with me there. Since the first day she started complaining that she doesn't want to live here (before marriage I told her about the place where I live and work, her parents and herself knew exactly), she even told her elder sister (who is only 1 year older than her) that she made a mistake to get married. I would like to told you thats she married with her own consent and she was very happy before, until the first week after marriage.

When we married she told me that she is not ready to sleep with me and that she needs some time, and as I love her and respect her, I said "take as much time you need until you are ready". We sleep together and do foreplay but not intercourse. At first she said to me that she is currently depressed and she is not ready, but then she said "if you want to do it I will not stop you". as I love and respect her I said "I am not going to do that coz I don't want to have one sided pleasure, if you are not ready for intercourse then for me there is no reason to do that until you are ready".

After 1 month of living with me, she continues to fight with me on every small thing and talk to with her sister. one day I got the emails/chatting that she is doing with her elder sister, in which she is cursing me, and saying to her sister that she doesn't love me and plan to come back to the US and then divorce me. Her sister is backing her as well and saying that she is doing the right thing; her elder sister has said lots of bad things and influences her to do them. She even told my wife not to sleep with me anymore.

When I confront her and share all this with her and her father, she said that she did not remember that she said these things. My wife even shared some very personal stuff that should only be between husband and wives, but she shared it with her sister. After all that, I sent her back to the US to her parent's home for 1 month as she desperately want to go, and her parents also told me as well to send her back and they will talk to her and she will be fine.

After going back, she again started doing things that her elder sister told her to do. For example, I like my wife's long hair and I told her several times that she should never cut it as I like it most. But as soon as she returned back to the US, the next day she went with her elder sister (whose hair is very short) and cut her hair like her elder sister's. When her friends asked her "why did you cut your hair, doesn't your husband feel bad?" my wife replied to her friends "I don't care it's my life".

When I told her that she knew that I liked her hair very much, she said that she forgot that and asked me to forgive her, and I did forgive her all that she did, even her elder sister, as per them insisting that they will not anything like that again. But almost every week she did something else, like when she yelled at me on phone- she never respects me. I talked with her mother and asked her guidance and requested her to find out what's wrong and why she is behaving like this. Her mother said "your wife is again under the influence of her elder sister and doing what she says most of the time". I told my wife "it's your life don't involve anyone else, think for yourself what's right and wrong for us". She didn't understand.

Now she said "I don't want to live with you in that small country and if you want me to be happy, I want you to live in the US with my sister/family". My job is here, so I told her and her parents that I can't just quit my job, as Allah give RIZQ. But she doesn't understand, and it's been more than 2 months since she has been living with her parents in the US. When my parents spoke to her parents, they said that they can't do anything, as their daughter need time. My marriage is only 4 months old, and she has lived with me only 1 month and now she has left me and is living with her family happily.

I have talked with her several times and told her "don't you know what's the rights of a husband on his Wife in Islam etc..." she said "I know everything" but is still doing the same thing. Her parents are very religious and per them, they raised their children very well. But now I don't know what's wrong or why she is not understanding that after we married her home is with me, not her parent's house. I gave her three options: either come back and live with me where my job is until I got job any place else; or go to Pakistan and live at my parents home, and if she wants to study than she can start her studies there; or if she doesn't want to do either and still doesn't want to leave her parents and the US- then this relationship is over.

She said that she wants to study, but I never stopped her from doing studies. The problem is that in the place I currently live at, there is not many higher education places. That's why I asked her to go Pakistan and live with my family and do her studies there if she wants. I don't want her to live with her parents in the US and doing her studies there, as no one will know what is gonna happen in university as she will be alone studying there. She is my honor, I don't want her to be in western society alone. But she didn't understand. She said that she will visit me every 6 months in between studies, and I asked her "Is this what marriage is all about? Living apart from each other?"

I love her very much, please help me know what I should do... is this how a Muslim wife should be? I only ask for love and want her to live with me happily, I've no other demands (I never asked her to do cooking or cleaning as I've been willing to be a servant doing all that work. I never hurt her, all I did was give love and ask the same in return) as I still love her very much. She also said that she loves me as well, but then she puts demands upon me. Please help me out, what should I do? Am I doing something wrong? please guide me. My parents talked with her father and he said that it's ok if I want to end this relationship. She manipulates lots of stuff and tells her parents all the time that I was wrong. I even gave proof to her father that she is lying and this is what the truth is. but they also don't understand.

Hello,

I am currently dating a Pakistani man who I am deeply in love with  and vice versa. We have been dating for four years now. We have discussed our futures together. We both want to marry each other. The only obstacles in our way are our parents and religion. He is worried that it is not accepted in Islam to marry a non-believer in the Islam faith. He told his mother about me but she is not pleased with it. I am originally from Africa (Nigeria) and my parents want me to marry someone who is from Nigeria. Everyone that is important to us are against us but we are still strong in love and still want to be together. I'm looking out for our happiness but its hard because all odds are against us. I have been taking time out to learn more about Islam so that I can be more familiar with it. What should we do?

Thanks,

Afi.

Culture clash

I am going through a very diffcult situation, sometime I only see death as being the best option for my solution.

I fell in love with a person who was a very practising muslim, but he was the one who proposed to me first.
When My parents got to know, they got angry and told me to stop contacting him and that was what I did. We stopped contact with each other for the sake of Allah, as it is not allowed to have contact with each other. However we worked hard to convince our families. It has been 1 year, and they will not accept because he does not come from the same country and they fear people but not Allah swt, but we speak the same language though.
I can not think a single moment on spending my life without him. I ask Allah swt for forgiveness. May Allah swt forgive me and him..

Please can you advise me? we can't get married if our parents don't accept because there will not be baraka in our life, but the reason they give is totally against Islam. If they don't accept then I will not marry anyone else but will spend my life without a life partner.

He has met my family, and my father accepted the proposal after he met him. Then the families met, and then a cultural clash took place. His family never came back again.

Both of the families are very cultural, please help us and their reason for rejecting this proposal has nothing to do with Islam.

Can you please give me any wazifa or advice how to convince my parents and how he can convince his parents.