I have been carrying this guilt for quite a while now and feel lost and confused in my life now. As I was growing up, everything was fairly well.  I used to read Quran daily every day in the morning and night, and used to go mosque frequently. However once I got to the age of 12/13, I spiralled outpeople in my class introduced me to graphic websites which I shunned at first, but then started to find myself more attracted towards the sort of material. Sooner enough, I stopped doing Quran properly and praying and started leaning towards negative aspects.

Sooner enough I found myself away from Islam and kept on sinning by listening to music/watching online videos. But  once I was at home around 13, I tried to copy the videos. My younger sibling started to rub herself against me and without thinking of any consequences I started to do it back. This then happened for 3-4 times,but with no actual intercourse taking place (ie only organs rubbing)  .

When I was 14, I suddenly realised that this was a massive mistake and then stopped doing anything haram instantly. It has been around 7 years since it occurred, but I still have a great deal of guilt locked up that I could of done it. I have repented for it since, and also recall the incidents almost as if it were yesterday. I tell myself that I was really young and immature to let it happen but I always imagine what if things had gone differently, and I had not listened to Shaitan that day, I'd have been so much happier now and my faith would also be strong.

I feel lost and confused in life now, and just wanted some advice please.

~JD020

I need an advice, my brother impregnated a non-Muslim girl. At first we were open to the idea of marriage between them, but the problem is, we cannot take the girl's attitude. She causes a lot of drama in my brother's life and even to us.

She makes scandalous posts on networking sites, she lacks decency in the situation. And usually she causes trouble to people who are linked to my brother's life like his own friends and co-workers and when you confront her she has no remorse to what she did.

There have also been times when she utters unbearable word about my family and my religion. She is known to have a bad reputation; she's the cause of most fights.

So we decided to cancel the wedding, since it will only cause more problems and we are pretty sure they will not live a harmonious life together.

Now here's where the problem arises: since the child is considered illegitimate, and according to the law the mother has the only right to the custody of a child, we are afraid that the baby will turn out a non Muslim believer, since obviously, she's the one whose going to rear the child. We really wanted the baby to be a Muslim.

Now her family will not allow us to have share custody of the baby unless my brother will marry her, what should we do?

Do we need to let them marry for the baby’s sake even though we know first hand that she will create more trouble and problems?

Please help me.

~Misha

I was in a relationship with a boy at the age of 17 and it went along for about 3 years until we decided to get married without telling our parents because we know we were still too young to tell them and convince them to get us married to one another.  They would not have agreed.  We did our nikah and were married after that now for about another year and a half.

I know now that being in a relationship with him before nikah was wrong and I should not have done that.  But now I am deeply in love with him and I cannot see my life without him. And also, the first 6 months of our relationship I had a problem of not being fully committed to him and I cheated by kissing 5 other guys during that time.  I did not have sexual intercourse with any of them.

Also, 2 years into the relationship I pretended to have a flirting relationship with two other guys for a few months with no physical contact as well as being friends with a guy who would give me kisses every now and then.  I had a problem of getting the attention from guys and not thinking about the guy that I was with even though I loved him to death.

Islamically I understand that all of this was wrong and I never told my husband before our nikkah until a year later of being married.  He loves me so much and he is trying to make it work because of the relationship we have had now with each other for the past 4 years but it is becoming more difficult for him day by day knowing that this happened so long ago and I never told him until now.  I am trying to convince him that I am better and I realize my mistakes because I don't ever want to do this to him ever again. And I ask forgiveness from Allah SWT and repent for all of my past childish behavior.  I realized how much love I have for this man and how much he has put up with this. I don't ever want to hurt him again.  And I want to finally have a good Islamic marriage with him in the future.

I am doing everything possible to prove to him that I will not act in these behaviors again and that it was so long ago as I was a teenager at this time still growing into a woman.  I don't know what else to do and he keeps saying that he wants to start the talaaq process.  But at the same time we talk, but our conversations are very dead.  He has forgiven me but he doesn't know if he can live with it for the rest of his life and he is taken a little time to see if he can.  Every few days he breaks down and says he cant do this anymore and its been happening for a few weeks now.

I am helpless and so sorry for what I have done to him and have grown to learn many things about what is right and wrong and want to be more directed towards my religion inshallah.

He wants to try to live with it and try not to acknowledge in the future and make things work for me but he also says that he doesn't know if it will happen and he is going to give it a try.  It is difficult being with him as he does not love me the same and care like how he used.  It kills inside everyday that my childish mistakes have messed up my future with the man that I am truly in love with.  What should I do? I don't want to give up on him. That is the last thing I want to do.

- Sister M

Salam all, I have been in a state of depression for the past couple of years due to a sin that I comitted when I was around 12/13 years old. Years have now passed by but I am still haunted by it. I decided to change my lifestyle around recently for the past 3 weeks or so, and it was going fine , I was feeling closer to Islam , my prayers felt rewarding and different, however now I am again in a state of no hope.

When I done the sin, I could not cope with myself and didn't know who to turn to and needed advice. I told my mother about it and she gave me advice and told me not to tell anyone else. However after having repented and 4I now have come to realise that she told my elder sibling of it .

I didn't know before about how to repent, ie you are not meant to tell anyone of your sins, but I'm wondering if my repentance is void because I told someone?

~JDR2020

I just want to start by saying that my husband is doing a business which involves selling alcohol, and he has been doing it for around 15 years. When we got married I knew that he had a job but didn't know it also included selling alcohol.

After our marriage, he said that he'll look for other options, instead he got his own business which was a covenience store, also involved selling alcohol. I tried to convince him to stop selling it, but he only said he'll try.

Sometimes he became angry and said I am being unthankful. He became verbally abusive and since our marriage and after two kids, we don't have any communication left, that is 10 years ago. He has changed so much that we don't have feelings for each other, we don't have any intimacy left. He also is surrounded by bad company, who drink and are involved in the same business. He also is not a religious person, only he pays Zakat and Sadaqa.

My question is since I am a sinful person too I have sincerely repented but I know that our income is not Halal, so what should I do?

I am a patient of arthritis too, but I am really fearful of Allah and the hereafter, and also what I am knowingly giving my children!  I am giving them all possible knowledge of Islamic teachings but they always have these questions, "Why doesnt Dad have to pray?"

Please tell me what should I do because death can come anytime and what answers will I have to these questions!

- Simi

Assalamu Alaykum,

I noticed most/all questions are about marriage and opposite gender issues which is totally irrelevant to me and my question but I hope I'll get an answer form the right kind of person.

I wanted to know if it's permissible for a girl to leave home? Reason being abuse.

I know it's ugly and very untraditional for a 21 year old girl to leave home and live on her own, but I feel I have no other choice as the living conditions are unbearable.

My beloved father (Allah Yirhamu, may Allah have mercy on him) passed away 4 years ago (Alhamdulillah he was very pious). I'm the youngest of 7, I don't get along with my siblings. Mother's made it clear she doesn't want me and fires my brother up until he hits me and calls me names (understandable if I actually did something wrong).

Brother even used to torment my late father, mock his beard and his dedication to Islam.

My grandfather overseas advised me to depart from these insane people and live with him, I would love to as he is a wise scholar whom I love and would learn so much from. But brother threatened both him and me. My grandfather is of old age and ill, I could never put him in such a situation.

I found an apartment close to all necessities and I will be safe. That being said just cause I'll be living on my own it doesn’t mean I'll forget my roots, my Father and the morals he taught me. I would really like to get some Islamic advice and know if it is haram for me to leave? I would've asked a local Sheikh/Islamic Advisor, but it's difficult to remain anonymous that way.  Please keep in mind the circumstances are unbearable (I wouldn’t be moving if I didn’t have to).

Thank you for your time and may Allah SWT grant us happiness in this life and the hereafter

Kind regards,
Sister k

Assalamalaikum,

There's a friend of mine, she has no brother and sisters.. It was getting bored at home for her, so she used pics from internet to act like she's the real person on the pic, and people start believing it.. she has played with 3 boys heart.. she had an internet relationship with them but not at the same time and it was just for fun and it wasn't a relationship for her, somehow she ended everything without telling the truth and asked Allah swt forgiveness everytime she reminds her what she had been doing!

Now she had felt in love for a boy but she want everything in Halal way, they have been talking, the boy showed intrest in her, but somehow without a reason he took distance.. and it's killing her!!!!

She's cries every night before going to sleep, she's in depression! She can't even sleep anymore.. Is Allah swt giving her punishment for all she did? How can she ask forgiveness in a good way.. Is there any dua for forgiveness? She said she has a feeling that this is happening to her because of what she has done to people..

What can she do to make it all good for Allah swt? And she stopped using pics and being fake on the internet.. Is that a big sin what she did?

Walaikum Assalaam,

~Khirad

My wife in 2011 became a very angry and abusive towards me, and a few discussions with her parents did little to resolve the issues. She kept on falling out with me accusing me of things like affairs etc and became very paranoid.

In the end she made false allegations of GBH, but I was refused charge. I left the matromonial house, and have been seperated for three months and the english divorce proceedings are in process.

However, even after three months I am still in love with my wife, but my brain tells me there is no way back as next time she and her family will ensure they make some allegations stick and ruin my life. I am struggling to reconcile my emotions with the divorce and miss my wife to the extent that I am unable to get her  of my system.  I cannot stop thinking about her all the time everyday.

I am getting confused in how to move forward, my family and everyone tell me it has finished and I will not be able to trust my wife again as she continously lied during the break up period to the point where she started believing her own lies.  I sill have strong feelings towards her and no anger.

Some advice would be much appreciated.

~tjav

Salam,

I’m a 30-year-old woman with a 2-year-old child and inshallah 1 on the way.  I’ve been married for almost 3 years now and living with my in-laws.

My husband worked in the first year and then stopped working due to a lack of work from his employers. He never bothered and tried to look for work after that. My father-in-law sold his business and gambled most of the money. So they were also left with no income.

I help pay for rent with the money I get for my child and me. I do shopping for the house. I help cook. I clean and do what a wife should do. My husband fights with me due to having no money from either his parents or me. I tell him to go look for work and that he has to do something. He will then yell at me and tell me to stop whining. My in laws always get involved in our fights.

My father in law has kicked me out of the house with my son. And so has my husband. My father in law always says I never put money in the house (which I do).  I also help with bills. That’s all from my government money. I sometimes cry because of the way they treat me.

My husband likes to yell at me in front of his parents. I’ve tried so many times to speak nicely to them all and it just seems to go through one ear out the other. Also when I pray to Allah (swt) my father in law will tell me that my prayers are not accepted because I’m doing it wrong (mind you my father in law doesn't pray). And other times me and my husband will argue and then he will hit me and swear at my family and tell me to go back to my parent’s house which I did.

Then my father in law wanted to divorce us with out even asking my husband or me. He told my dad that he doesn't want me anymore. Then my husband ended up coming to me and saying sorry.

The whole point of this story is that I can’t take it anymore and I don't know what else to do. Because it always seems that I’m wrong in their eyes. I think I have been patient enough. I’ve never disrespected my in laws. And I hate the way they treat me. I tried to tell my husband that he should work and we should save and move into our own place and all he does is ignore me.

I can go on and on but that's just some of the things I put up with.

Please give me advice of what I should do?

~Jana

I had sex with a married women. What should I do now? Do I have to tell everything to her husband, ask for forgiveness or just I have to ask Allah to forgive and keep this as a secret to her husband?

Please help me.

- mundu