Religion
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salam im 18yr old n i nd help big time i have commimted sooooo many sins n i dnt think allah will eva 4give me n i dnt balme him wel 1st of all i have fallen in luv n i gt pregnant i wntd 2 kp da baby bt my partner said it was 4 da best if we didnt afta tat i gt drunk twice both time regetd it i dnt knw y i do it cnt help myslf nw my partner wnts 2b m8z e said tat he dnt luv me no mre n cnt belive wat i am doing………………..i jst wnt sme1 2 show me hw 2 live wid myslf inside of me is dead y should allah s.w.t 4give me he should h8 me………….how do i ask 4 4givness??? PLZ HELP
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Written by saima786 on January 17th, 2008 with 1 comment.
Read more articles on Unanswered Questions and Religion.
July 2, 2007
This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, Editor of AskBilqis.com Islamic Marriage Advice, and Zawaj.com Muslim Matrimonial Service.
QUESTION:
Dear Bilqis,
I am a Hindu girl born and raised in Kuwait. I have been exposed to different cultures growing up and that has instilled in me a lot of religious tolerance. I am also very familiar with Islam and have chosen to marry my best friend - a Muslim.
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Written by wael on July 1st, 2007 with no comments.
Read more articles on Marriage and Religion and Miscellaneous and Islamic Answers 2007.
June 20, 2007
This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, Editor of AskBilqis.com Islamic Marriage Advice, and Zawaj.com Muslim Matrimonial Service.
QUESTION:
Dear Bilqis,
This may be very weird, because I have never told this to anyone before, but I feel very depressed. As a Muslim I know killing myself is the biggest sin a person can commit, but I feel like hurting myself. I am 20 years old female and I hate my life…
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Written by wael on June 20th, 2007 with 3 comments.
Read more articles on Religion and Zinaa and Islamic Answers 2007.
October 27, 2006
This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, the AskBilqis.com and Zawaj.com Editor and Administrator.
QUESTION:
Dear Bilqis,
My aunty married a man from out of our family then their son married a woman also totally our of our family. So is it permissible for me to marry their daughter?
- C. from Australia
WAEL ANSWERS:
Dear C., As-Salamu Alaykum wa Rahmatullah,
This reminds me of one of those word puzzles or riddles you get in I.Q. tests, or on the S.A.T.
Unfortunately I’ve never been very good at puzzles. You know the one with the two bent nails that are wound together and you have to get them apart? I can never solve that.
Seriously, though, let me try to work it out
Presumably you are a man. You have an aunt. You did not tell me her name but let’s call her Tahany because that’s my aunt’s name and it will help me keep things straight.
So Aunt Tahany married a man from outside of the family. Ok, no problem there. Let’s call him Fawzy.
Now, Aunt Tahany and Fawzy had a son, let’s call him Hisham. So Hisham is your first cousin. Right?
Now, if I understand you correctly, cousin Hisham married a woman out of the family (good for him). Let’s call her Salwa.
Then cousin Hisham and his wife Salwa had a daughter. Let’s call her Noha. And you want to know if you can marry Noha.
Is that right?
So the question is, basically, “Can I marry my first cousin’s daughter?”
The answer is, yes. She is not your mahrem and from a legal Islamic viewpoint you can marry her.
How Common is It?
I want to use this opportunity to address the issue of marrying family members such as first and second cousins, and the children of cousins.
I realize this is a common custom in some parts of the world. It happens in some Muslim communities because due to the restrictions against gender mixing it is difficult to meet prospective marriage partners outside your family circle. Furthermore, some people think they are strengthening and protecting the family interests by keeping the marriage within the family. And there is often a cultural suspicion of “outsiders” and their strange ways.
In fact, the BBC reported last year that at least 55% of British Pakistanis are married to first cousins!
And why not? It’s legal in most countries. No European country prohibits it; Canada and Mexico allow it; as do 26 of the American states. Islam does not prohibit it, and neither does Christianity.
Genetic Diseases and Birth Defects
However, the fact that it is legal and not prohibited religiously, does not mean that it is a good idea. Our code of life, our genetic makeup, carries two types of genes: dominant genes and recessive genes. Recessive genes carry traits that do not normally appear - they are dormant. Many rare diseases and abnormalities are caused by recessive genes.
The problem is that when two people with very similar genetics marry - in other words, close family members - these recessive traits combine and manifest in the offspring. So marriages between cousins carry a much higher risk of birth defects in the children. The risk can be as high as 6%. This may not seem like a lot, but when you consider that many of these recessive genetic disorders are extremely serious and can even result in infant death, then you begin to see how unhealthy it is to marry a cousin.
That same BBC article states that, “British Pakistanis are 13 times more likely to have children with genetic disorders than the general population.”
This is a very serious problem.
Culturally Limiting
Furthermore, I feel that the frequency of marriage between cousins in some countries like Pakistan, produces a type of xenophobia that results in tribalism and conflict. It makes people narrow minded and suspicous of outsiders. People become comfortable only with their own way of doing things, their own history, their own way of thinking.
Is it any surprise that such societies tend to become very culturally closed, and suffer from constant tribal and religious conflicts?
I am not saying that this is all because of cousin marriages; only that it is one element of a larger problem.
Marrying outside the family allows the introduction of new ideas, new blood, and new perspectives. This keeps a family and a society healthy and growing.
After the death of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) the Sahaabah spread out across the Muslim world. Many of them married local women and had children, thereby establishing roots of Islam and Arab culture all across the world.
Glory to You Allah, we praise You, we bear witness that there is no God except You, we ask Your forgivess and we repent to You.
Best regards,
- Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Administrator
AskBilqis.com Islamic Marriage and Family Advice
ZAWAJ.COM Muslim Matrimonials and More!
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Written by wael on October 27th, 2006 with no comments.
Read more articles on Islamic Answers 2006 and Marriage and Religion and Can I Marry Him (or Her)?.
October 19, 2006
QUESTION:
Dear Wael,
Does a Muslimah have to take off her hijab before the prospective husband makes a marriage proposal?
- Riffat from USA
WAEL ANSWERS:
Dear Riffat, As-salamu alaykum wa Rahmatullah,
I assume you are asking because you are interested in a particular woman but you want to see her without her hijab before you propose.
The short answer is no, she does not have to take off her hijab and you should not ask her to do so.
Why is it necessary to see her hair? You can see face and her hands even with her hijab on, and you can get a general idea of her figure. If she is wearing niqab then you should definitely ask her to show her face, since there can be no attraction if you do not like her face. But this should be enough. Why should the color or style of her hair matter? Be modest and approach her with modesty.
I posted a recent article on Zawaj.com titled 7 Etiquettes of Seeking a Spouse: an Islamic Perspective. In that article this same issue was discussed by Imam Muhammad Nur Abdullah of St. Louis, Missouri, a member of the North American Fiqh Council. I will reprint a section of the article here, as it is quite relevant. Pay attention especially to the last part:
If you’re looking for a spouse, lower your gaze
This may seem like a contradiction, but it’s not. Looking for a spouse who has the right qualities and whom you are physically attracted to does not mean throwing out the obligation to lower the gaze for both sexes and leering or ogling the person.
“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is aware of what they do.” (Quran 24:30)
“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms…” (Quran 24:31)
This perspective (staring or leering) would not be Islamically acceptable. Imam Nur Abdullah noted that looking at a potential mate is recommended according to the Hadith. Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah the Prophet said:
“When one of you asks a woman for marriage, if he is able to look at what will induce him to marry her, he should do so….” (Abu Dawud).
This means the two potential spouses can look at each other but not ogle or stare. Abdullah also noted that there is no limit on the number of times the two people can look at each other. However, both should fear Allah and remember the purpose of this is to satisfy the need for physical attraction to the person you are marrying. He also notes it is not permissible for a man to see a potential wife without Hijab, since he is not her Mahram (a relative with whom marriage is not possible, or legally her husband). Abdullah says seeing her face and hands are enough to determine attraction.
Whatever I have said that is true and good, Alhamdulillah, and whatever I have said that is wrong is from me and I ask Allah’s forgiveness.May Allah guide you and bless you in all your affairs.
- Wael Abdelgawad, Zawaj.com and AskBilqis.com Editor
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Written by wael on October 19th, 2006 with 3 comments.
Read more articles on Marriage and Religion and Proposing Marriage.
September 2004
This question is answered by Wael Abdelgawad, the Zawaj.com Editor and Administrator.
QUESTION:
Dear Bilqis,
I am a 34 year old Christian woman with an 8 year old daughter. We have met the most beautiful soul that in my heart I have fallen in love with. He is a Muslim. We desire to marry and I have no idea on how to even get started being that I am not a Muslim. I do respect his wishes and they are to marry in the eyes of God but of the Islamic faith. Can you advise me on where to get started and how?
Please and thank you,
- T.W.
WAEL ANSWERS:
Dear T.W.,
Congratulations on your upcoming marriage. May Allah make it happy, blessed and fruitful.
An Islamic wedding should be held either at the local mosque (many mosques have large rooms or halls for lectures, dinners, weddings and other events), or more commonly at another location such as a hotel, a park, etc. The ceremony should be officiated by the local Imam (the local Muslim religious leader). He will recite from the Qur’an and give a short talk about marriage, and then he will ask you both if you accept one another as husband and wife.
Ideally your parents, especially your father, should be there to assent also. The groom should pay you a marriage gift or dowry (what we call a mahr in Arabic). It can be money or anything of significant value, but should be an amount agreed on by both of you. The Imam might also present you with a religious marriage certificate to sign. Both of you will sign it, the Imam will sign it, and it will be signed by at least two Muslim witnesses.
If the family and guests are more conservative then guests should be grouped by gender, for example with women on one side of the room and men on the other. The bride’s gown should be as modest as possible, and guests (particularly women) should be asked to dress modestly, i.e. no form-fitting dresses or open backs.
Of course the ceremony should be followed by a waleemah, which is the wedding reception or banquet. However, alcohol should not be served.
The entire marriage ceremony and banquet should be modest and within the couple’s means. It is not the Islamic way to spend lavish sums of money or to go into debt to pay for the marriage.
Lastly, the couple should be sure to also get a civil marriage certificate at the local government office.
There are several few articles on our site that can give you more information. Please see Zawaj.com’s Articles page, and look at the section on Weddings in Islam.
In particular see Zawaj.com’s article, “Marriage Ceremony in Islam: the Basics”, which is extracted from a handbook on marriage issued by the Islamic Society of North America (ISNA).
As a final note, since you are a Christian I think it’s important that you and your future husband discuss the issue of religious practices in the home. Your husband may expect the house to be maintained as an Islamic environment (for example, no alcohol, no pork, no un-Islamic symbols or images on the walls). Almost certainly he will expect that any children the two of you have together will be raised as Muslims. I think it’s important to discuss these issues and even put them in writing so that there will be no misunderstandings or conflicts later on.
Best regards and best wishes on your marriage,
- Wael Hesham Abdelgawad, Editor
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Written by wael on October 10th, 2006 with 1 comment.
Read more articles on Islamic Answers 2004 and Religion and Weddings.