I have been carrying this guilt for quite a while now and feel lost and confused in my life now. As I was growing up, everything was fairly well.  I used to read Quran daily every day in the morning and night, and used to go mosque frequently. However once I got to the age of 12/13, I spiralled outpeople in my class introduced me to graphic websites which I shunned at first, but then started to find myself more attracted towards the sort of material. Sooner enough, I stopped doing Quran properly and praying and started leaning towards negative aspects.

Sooner enough I found myself away from Islam and kept on sinning by listening to music/watching online videos. But  once I was at home around 13, I tried to copy the videos. My younger sibling started to rub herself against me and without thinking of any consequences I started to do it back. This then happened for 3-4 times,but with no actual intercourse taking place (ie only organs rubbing)  .

When I was 14, I suddenly realised that this was a massive mistake and then stopped doing anything haram instantly. It has been around 7 years since it occurred, but I still have a great deal of guilt locked up that I could of done it. I have repented for it since, and also recall the incidents almost as if it were yesterday. I tell myself that I was really young and immature to let it happen but I always imagine what if things had gone differently, and I had not listened to Shaitan that day, I'd have been so much happier now and my faith would also be strong.

I feel lost and confused in life now, and just wanted some advice please.

~JD020

Salam all, I have been in a state of depression for the past couple of years due to a sin that I comitted when I was around 12/13 years old. Years have now passed by but I am still haunted by it. I decided to change my lifestyle around recently for the past 3 weeks or so, and it was going fine , I was feeling closer to Islam , my prayers felt rewarding and different, however now I am again in a state of no hope.

When I done the sin, I could not cope with myself and didn't know who to turn to and needed advice. I told my mother about it and she gave me advice and told me not to tell anyone else. However after having repented and 4I now have come to realise that she told my elder sibling of it .

I didn't know before about how to repent, ie you are not meant to tell anyone of your sins, but I'm wondering if my repentance is void because I told someone?

~JDR2020

I just want to start by saying that my husband is doing a business which involves selling alcohol, and he has been doing it for around 15 years. When we got married I knew that he had a job but didn't know it also included selling alcohol.

After our marriage, he said that he'll look for other options, instead he got his own business which was a covenience store, also involved selling alcohol. I tried to convince him to stop selling it, but he only said he'll try.

Sometimes he became angry and said I am being unthankful. He became verbally abusive and since our marriage and after two kids, we don't have any communication left, that is 10 years ago. He has changed so much that we don't have feelings for each other, we don't have any intimacy left. He also is surrounded by bad company, who drink and are involved in the same business. He also is not a religious person, only he pays Zakat and Sadaqa.

My question is since I am a sinful person too I have sincerely repented but I know that our income is not Halal, so what should I do?

I am a patient of arthritis too, but I am really fearful of Allah and the hereafter, and also what I am knowingly giving my children!  I am giving them all possible knowledge of Islamic teachings but they always have these questions, "Why doesnt Dad have to pray?"

Please tell me what should I do because death can come anytime and what answers will I have to these questions!

- Simi

salaam sir i am haider, i am in very serious relation with a girl and can not live without her. she is relly very honest girl. i want to marry her but my father and my brother do not agree because my cousin liked that girl before.

so plz tell me such wazifa by which my father mother brother all get agree and want me marry that good girl.

imaam sahab plz help me and tel me any very strong wazifa.

thanx

Salaam waleikum waragmatoelah hibrakatoe my dear Brothers and Sisters,

Before starting May Allah soebhaan wataa'Aalah bless everyone and give them what is best for them.And I start this post in the name of Allah, that we all may learn from it and grow wiser.After a long time I am posting a question once again, my third question post in total.

My dear brothers and sisters I have stumbled once again upon a difficult matter and I was hoping you could be of any assistance, because even though I don't know you. I would trust you blindly as my dear brothers and sisters. (Shout-out to Wael & Maria) May Allah grant you the best.

I actually have two questions but they are in link.

Personal Info:

Name:...
Age: 19
Country: Netherlands
Ethnicity: Pakistani/British
Education level: I can start a Bachelor Education if I want to, I haven't completed one yet.

I was doing a education Management, Economics and Law. But I dropped out after 5 months, this January 2012. For some reason I was not satisfied with this education as I felt it was taking me no where in life where I actually could do what I really wanted to do.I really want to help people, mostly my brothers and sisters who are suffering a lot at the moment in different countries, especially Palestine.

To help or run a business you need Money, therefore I am trying to find something in life with which I can make a lot of money InshAllah I will achieve my goal, regardless of anything.

Goals;
- Start a foster home for children who have no parents, family, etc. Educate them and bring them up as great muslims.
- Work together or own a company which does humanitarian work and help out those in need.
- Help my Ummah and make us strong again.
- Prepare for the coming of Dhajjal and Imam Al-Mahdi, Also Isa Allayhi Assalaam, InshAllah if I may be so blessed.
- Also learn the Quran by heart and reach the level of sheikh on certain aspects, so I will always act with knowledge and can also share knowledge and educate muslims.
- Open free muslim schools where young, ethusiastic and bright muslim students can learn the Quran and Tafseer also to continue the journey set out my Almight Allah Soebhaan Wataa'Aalah.

See practically I know what I want to do in life, I just simply can't find the right way to start the road.

My plan was to become a police officer, to do good deeds in the meantime and also run a company. But being a police officer you also get to know how the kuffar work, think and run their place. I would learn ''self defence'' techniques & technology and pass on this knowledge to my Muslim brothers and sisters to defend themselves. (If people want to call me an extremist or whatsoever that is fine, I do not mind I am a Jihadi InshAllah, not a terrosist. I am a Muslim and I wish to be like the companions of the Prophet peace and blessings upon them were. For anyone thinking I wanna blow up myself or anything irrelevant stupid)

But lately I keep having a bad feeling. Mind you that I haven't made this decision without doing istakhaarah. I applied myself for the Police force in The Netherlands. I haven't received an invitation for a conversation yet so I don't know if they will take me or not, but nonetheless I put my Faith in Allah soebhaan wataa'Aalah. I have read articles but nothing that hits the nail on its head about the fact that being a worker for the government in other words enforcing kuffar laws and abiding by them you are doing Shirk as you are undermining Allah soebhaan wataa'Aalah laws and as you can see no Muslim would want this of course.

Now I don't know if working in the police force will be halal for me or not and if its the right job for me.  Please advice me on this, if its haram I will leave the application and not join, If its Halal I will ask Allah for guidance and proceed with Allah's blessings InshAllah.

Next question is If it becomes clear that working in the police force, military, etc in a Western country is Haram or Allah doesn't want me to follow that path then I have become utterly clueless as what to do with my education.

If I want I can take any Bachelor education I want to I am not restricted by options other then the fact what will get me in a haram position and what not.

I sincerely do not know which education to take and what to do and every time I think about this I get really stressed out like everything is failing. I have never quit anything in my life, this is the first time I ever stopped a education in the middle cause I didn't feel like it. ( I was studying in the economic sector).

The steps I have taken;

I have looked at all the educations as to which one I would like the most or which one would benefit me the most. I do not want to choose a education and then stop again because It was a wrong choice or I didn't feel like it.

ICT is interesting as its the future and I can mean a lot. (make islamic websites or help with problems, etc, like the malware problem) This is a home to many muslims with many problems world wide, even non-muslims!

Business, is something I am really good at, but I am not the type to be sitting 24/7 in a office doing math and stuff, if there is one thing in business which speaks to me the most its becoming a businessman (traveling, negotiating, etc). I sometimes really hate it to read certain business books as I find them to manipulative, this consumer rage, etc. I annoys me how despicable some company and people are, therefore I find it hard to study such material and then fail to remember and fail the tests.

Other then this, I sincerely do not know which path to follow or what to do. I have no motivation for any education I see momentarily. This is something that annoys me as I cannot waste time and I have to reach my goals InshAllah. (Mind you that the education that speaks to me the most is becoming a quran hafeez and knowing the tafseer, arabic language, etc. But this is not possible at the moment Astagfirullah, because I cannot go to Mekka or anywhere else to learn it properly and my parents won't allow me of course).

Please help me to find, see or understand which path to follow or how to figure out which path to follow. I asked Allah soebhaan wataa'Aalah and maybe this is one of the process I have to undergo to figure it out, asking my dear brothers and sisters.

If I have forgotten anything please let me know and I will add information a.s.a.p.
I will become great in the name of Allah no matter what, but every man starts small and alone until he is supported by brothers and sisters which will make him fly high, with the guidance and blessings of Allah.

I am really sorry if I have hurt any ones feelings or said anything bad in accordance with Allah's Law. Please forgive me All the mistakes are mine and all the good is from Allah soebhaan wataa'Aalah.

May Allah soebhaan wataa'Aalah bless us all and grant us that which is best for us. I love you all my dear brothers and sisters.

Ps: Not to rush as I know IslamicAnswers has a lot of topics to cover, but could this please be posted before february, so I atleast know what to do. (Because in february most educations start ''again'').

But of course answer comes with the time allocated by Allah, there fore Sabir and I would love to hear from you soon InshAllah.

Raja.

Assalam O Alaikum,

I have been going through great difficulty over the past few weeks due to my relationship with my fiance and would really appreciate good, solid advice as well as some dua's that I can recite and special prayers I can make to solve my problem.

I met this girl over a matrimonial website about 8 months ago. We decided to talk under the pretext of marriage and hit it off instantly. After a few meetings, we decided to become exclusive (meaning we won't talk to other people with the same intention and will focus only on getting to know each other well). We had amazing mental chemistry which also translated to emotional and physical chemistry. Before I proceed, just to give you a little context about the two of us..

I am 30 yrs old. I grew back home and moved to north America a few years ago for education and have been here since. Come from a cultured, traditional family and was brought up with good Islamic morals. Initially when I came here, I was what one would consider very traditional and didn't adapt to the western life style and social norms right away. However, after a few years, as I started to make friends from other cultures and values, I became a bit more liberal to the extent that one would call me a moderate Muslim. I had been looking to find someone for marriage for a few years and after the various girls I spoke to and met up with, when nothing seemed to work, I sort of grew tired of it and decided to date for the heck of it until someone great and serious comes in front of me. And started casual "No strings attached" type dating where I, unfortunately, got physical (not to the extent of intercourse) but to the extent of kissing, fondling, getting oral sex (once only) etc. In the meantime, I kept looking for the one.

She is 29. She was born and raised here in North America into a very traditional family where the parents had continued conflicts and as a result, didn't pay attention to how to raise their kids the right way. They were super strict on them and as a result, their kids started doing things behind their backs. The lack of proper and rational Islamic education was also missing. The kids were told not to do certain things but never explained why and also the parents never really followed through on them. She was eldest and started helping the family out financially at a very early age thereby, taking on a lot of responsibility at an age where she should have instead focused on the more important things in her life. As a result, there was a sense of independence in her yet there were continuous restrictions being enforced by the parents.

She found that to be hypocrtical of her where on one hand she was asked to help out and on the other hand, she was treated with restrictions where she wasn't even allowed to go to the movies with her friends. As a result, over time, she started doing things hiding them from her parents. Eventually, she went to college and decided to live her life that she had been deprived of so far. And entered a phase where she became liberal and got into wearing short dresses and going to clubs with her female friends (all with her parents not knowing). At the age of 24, She  met a guy and started a relationship with him which turned out to be 3 years of torture. The guy was very good to her in the beginning but then became very possessive and controlling. and eventually cheated on her so she broke up with him after 3 years of an on-again, off-again relationship.

Anyways, back to after she and I met and became exclusive...

Things were going great and life seemed beautiful. She is not the same girl as she used to be. She has changed for the better Masha Allah and has understood that traditions, culture and religion do matter. In the back of my mind, I had an inkling to ask her about her past considering she was the one with a long-term relationship and long-term relationships tend to get physical. I had been saving myself for my wife all these years. She wanted to be honest with me as she believed honesty is the way to build a strong relationship and told me that she and her ex ended up getting physical where she received oral sex from him and they even went on a vacation to an Island for a few days once. I did not like what I heard as I was not comfortable with it.

But considering, I had done a few shady things in the past as well and was no saint myself either, I decided to accept that and move on. A few days later I asked her if they ever had intercourse and she said yes it happened once. It was what she called un-planned and an "accident". She was very ashamed of it and felt very guilty right after she had done it and asked Allah for forgiveness. She told me she went through hell after that act and is something she'd like to forget. She asked me to accept her for who she is today as she had changed and was not the same girl anymore. She told me that she wanted to do it for him as she thought she loved him and regrets all of it. In fact she regrets the entire relationship. I was heartbroken at this point as I was expecting that a nice, family-oriented and decent girl like her would have saved herself for her husband.

I thought about it long and hard and decided to go forward with it as I loved her too much to lose her. She is a great girl and honestly, the best thing that has happened to me.

In the meantime, our physical chemistry was such that we decided to take our relationship to the next step and get physical (no intercourse). And she told me that she and I have done things together that she never did with her ex. I know it's wrong of us to indulge in such acts before marriage but we were so sure of being together at that point that we decided to let things happen naturally.

We finally decided to get the families involved and move towards an engagement and Alhamdu Lillah, got engaged recently. However, right around the engagement time, explicit thoughts about ex and her in the act started flashing in my mind to the point where I started getting stressed, lost my appetite and just wanted to run away somewhere in agony. I tried to not think about it, but the thoughts kept coming back to me. Our love for each other is undeniable. I have been praying and making special dua asking Allah for guidance and strength so I can battle these thoughts away and focus on our past and future together.

I try to talk myself into accepting her past as a part of her and that she is not the same person and has repented and felt guilty for her acts. She, to her credit, has been extremely supportive of my stress and has been there for me trying to assure me how much she loves me and what we have is purer and real than anything she could have ever imagined and how I am her first true love, which I believe. It's just that whenever we get even a little physical, I get images of her with her ex and dirty thoughts enter my mind where I wonder if she did this with him, if he touched her there and how etc.

I really really want to be with her but am fearful these thoughts will not go away. Can someone please help me in dealing with these feelings and if there are special dua's I can make? I don't want to lose her and I don't want to keep having these thoughts as I fear they will ruin our relationship and married life going forward.

She is so good to me that it hurts me to even imagine us not being together and I can let her go. I just want to get rid of these explicit and dirty thoughts. I don't see myself without her and she doesn't either. I even had someone do Isthikhara for us and that person informed me that the Istikhara came out good Alhamdu Lillah.

Please advise what I should do. I am very depressed and saddened at not being able to get rid of this negative feeling which weren't there until a few days before the engagement.

Visible Minority.

Hi,

Firstly I would like to say that I would not want to hurt any one's religious sentiments.

I have been in love with a Muslim girl for last 3 years. She was very pretty and beautiful. We loved each other very much. But due to her family, her life was threatened and she became in danger.

So I married to her in arya samaj. And get the marriage registered in the Hindu marriage act. Then when our parents came to know about this marriage, the storm comes in our family.

Due to that the girl had to go back to her native place to her parents. After that our family members insisted to us that we forget each other. But it is very hard for us.

Now she is not in contact with me. But she still needs me a lot in her life. Please suggest what I should do. I am afraid that her parents may marry her to just anyone. Please suggest me what to do. We love each other very much...

~truelove

Allah is 'Al-Mujeeb' - The one who responds

Aslam waalikum....

Dear All,

I love a girl and I want to marry her. I want to have my Rab's agreement for this relationship, so I have a required dua for this so that I recite that dua,  and my RAB agrees with my dua & he write that girl in HAK.

Please help me and make dua for me. I know that I do not know all of you and I have no right to say anything, but as a friend I request all of you. If you could, make Fariyad(Request) one time only. You say" Ya Mere RAB Isko iska pyar se nikah kabul kr le, AAMIN," to my mighty Lord. Please, one time please.

Thanx n regrds,
Mustakim

AOA,

I was going through questions posted on this forum and read this one:

http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/will-marriage-be-successful/

In this probably the editor of this site has stated that checking names compatibility is shirk and a big sin. Would some one like to shed more response on this point? Is it really wrong in our religion? What are the authentic sources and references?

The reason why I am asking this because I am going through an apparently difficult relationship at the moment. The girl with whom I am engaged is strong believer of this concept that only those marriages can be successful where names are compatible. She is strong follower of a religious person who tells people based on their names about their lives, even their past lives, what will be good for them in future, all information he gives just based on the name of person. She told me that she did engagement only because that person told her that we both are compatible based on our names. I don’t agree or believe such things. I believe that only Allah knows who will be compatible with each other. What we can do is to believe in Allah and be sincere and loving with each other.

One thing more, my mother also asked someone for compatibility of names and that person also said that we both are compatible. But now we have so much differences and misunderstandings that sometimes I feel running away from this marriage, which is due in 6 months.

Thanks,

~Rehman10

]]> http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/is-checking-name-compatibility-really-a-sin/feed/ 5 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/how-to-repent-from-losing-my-virginity-in-this-way/ http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/how-to-repent-from-losing-my-virginity-in-this-way/#comments Sun, 05 Feb 2012 18:27:27 +0000 murad11 http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/?p=37048

I was in my first ever relationship that lasted a few months, in the last month we both had oral sex and he broke my hymen.

As this was my first time, it hit me so hard that I still feel regret and guilt. He had sex with his previous girlfriend.

I have been pondering about this in my head because I have no-one to talk to, it is something I wish I had not done. We broke up for other reasons.

How do I repent from such a sin?

~Murad11