I live in the U.K. A few years ago I went to Pakistan. I got married to my mother's relative, with out seeing this person. I gave consent to get married to him. I already was dating someone back home in the U.K. for over 5 years. I came back to the U.K. and I made a promise to my self that I will make a go of my married life and try to forget about the person I was seeing before I went to Pakistan.

Everyday went by and my relationship with my husband wasnt getting better. He came to know that I was seeing someone before I went to Pakistan.  Things got really bad for me so I asked for a divorce.  He refused to give me a divorce.  He kept in contact with my mum and sister and kept telling them negative things about me. When I came to know what he had been saying to them, I lashed out to him on the phone. He denied everything. Whilst things were bad for me at home I turned to my ex partner who I was seeing before I got married. He listened to me and gave advice. I knew my husband wasn't going to give me a divorce and my family wouldn't allow me to get married to the person that I wanted to be with. I took the wrong step and ran away from home.

I couldn't marry my partner until I obtained a divorce from my husband, so I went to the local mosque and told them that I want a divorce, but my husband is in Pakistan. They told me that they can get me a divorce, on the grounds I provide them with his details and address. A year went by and I became pregnant by my partner. I know that I commited a big sin getting pregnant but I didnt want to commit a bigger sin by getting an abortion. I kept the baby, my divorce came through, I was finally a divorcee. Another year went by, my partner kept delaying us getting married. I don't know what is stopping him. I got pregnant again, and again I kept the baby. It has been nearly three years and we still aren't married. I don't know what to do anymore, who to turn to, how to go about performing our nikah, and sorting our lives out.  Please help me.

~ Sophie1

Hi,

I am a Hindu but I will convert to Islam soon because I will be getting married to a Muslim. We are now searching for an Islamic name for me. Right now we have chosen AARA but I want to know what will my surname be after marriage?? My fiancé's name is AARASH KHAN so will my name be AARA AARASH KHAN or will it be AARA KHAN after marriage, please advise because I don't want to keep my father's name with me after converting due to some personal issues.

Thanks,

Priyam.

Asalam alaikoum brothers and sisters

I would appreciate some advice and prayers. Four years ago a man came to work in my department. He is a good muslim, husband and father alhamdilullah. At first there was no problem and despite working together I kept my gaze lowered, dressed modestly and did not engage in any conversation other than work. However, it was quite difficult to stick to these rules. We are both doctors and have to work closely together. In addition, he is very charismatic, popular and excellent at his job. However, I remained true to my values and tried my best for the relationship to remain professional. I noticed that some months later, he was trying to share little jokes with me and asking how my weekend had been etc. It was difficult not to answer and my manager also told me that he thought I was being cold and aloof.

Things became strained between my colleague and I, until one day, we found ourselves alone in the office and he admitted that he was in love with me. I was horrified. I left the room and wished I never had to return. I went to work the next day feeling sick and made sure I was not alone with him. He sent me sms messages telling me how hurt he had been by my reaction. I confronted him and I admit that I became terribly distressed and he tried to comfort me. The situation became impossible after that, as I think it must have been obvious to him that I feel the same way about him, although I would never say.

I took some leave and am now on long term sick with depression. I am looking for another job but it will be hard for me with my sickness record. The problem is that no matter how I try, I cannot forget this man. He continues to attempt to contact me and recently messaged me through my facebook account which I have now closed. I read qu'ran and hadith, make du'aa but nothing seems to help. I feel I am cursed. Please help me

Salam

Salams,

My name is Aneesa; I am 25 and divorced. My older sister recently also divorced from my brother in law. I feel he has the right qualities that I am looking for in a spouse. In Islam is it possible for us to marry ? even though my parents might refuse ?

Thanks,

Aneesa

Leyla's Answer:

Salaam Aneesa,

The Quran says (regarding marriage):

“Forbidden to you (for marriage) are: your mothers, your daughters, your sisters, your father's sisters, your mother's sisters, your brother's daughters, your sister's daughters…” [al-Nisa’ 4:23].

“O Prophet (Muhammad SAW)! Verily, We have made lawful to you your wives, to whom you have paid their Mahr (bridal money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), and those (slaves) whom your right hand possesses - whom Allâh has given to you, and the daughters of your ‘Amm (paternal uncles) and the daughters of your ‘Ammaat (paternal aunts) and the daughters of your Khaal (maternal uncles) and the daughters of your Khaalaat (maternal aunts)…” [al-Ahzaab 33:50].

According to these verses, your former brother-in-law is permissible for you in marriage.

Regarding marriage without your parent's consent: this is unacceptable.

Peace,

Leyla

Editor, Islamic Answers

Asallamoalekum brothers and sisters,

A Muslim brother I know is going through a really tough time with the family of the girl he likes. He is the nicest guy I know; he prays 5 times a day and mostly at the Masjid. The girl is a faithful Muslim as well and she wears a hijab. My friend saw her at a wedding a couple of years ago and wanted to get to know her more, so he messaged her on facebook, at first she was really rude to him since she doesn’t talk to a lot of guys, but after she got to know him they became friends on facebook, for almost 2 years they just talked online and after they started to get emotionally attached (online) my friend told her that he likes her and that he wanted to meet her parents to ask for her hand in marriage and if that would be ok with her? she agreed and she told her mom about my friend, and then her parents invited my friend to their house. My friend and his parents went to the girl's house (this was almost a year ago) and both the families got along very well and everyone liked both the families. As time passed, her parents wanted to get to know my friend better so they used to invite him almost once every 2 weeks to their house but without his parents. He didn’t like that, since he wanted his parents to be more involved as well but he didn’t say anything since he wanted to keep the girl’s parents happy too.

Then he got her parents’ permission to get the girls phone number. They agreed and then my friend and the girl started talking on the phone. The girl's mother did a lot of istikharas and she told my friends parents that the istkhara for my friend and their daughter came out really good. In January 2011, both the parents wanted to take things to the next level and make it official. My friend's father was going to their home country, so he was going to get the girl's wedding clothes and jewellery and the girl's parents gave my friend's dad all the designs of clothes they liked and the girl's size and everything. After his father came back to the U.S. the girl's parents said that they wanted to wait a little longer, so my friends family were like ok? Then the girl's mom said that my friend and his family shouldn’t tell their whole family about the rishta yet either, but that they had nothing to worry about since the girl's parents gave their WORD and that a “Muslims word” is bigger than anything, so my friend and his parents respected that and her parents WORD meant more to them than a nikkah at that point.

Then a couple of months ago, out of nowhere, the girl's mom calls my friend and tells him that they want their daughter to study for the next 2 years, so my friend was like ok that’s fine and that he can wait as long as it takes. Then the girl stopped calling/texting/and picking up her phone, so that got my friend worried, eventually the girl replied and told my friend that her parents told her not to talk to him. So he called her mother up and asked her what the deal is because she had just told him to wait and nothing about them not talking at all or anything, so her mom told him that she really wants her daughter to concentrate on her study and not be distracted by anyone (not letting them talk is the biggest distraction for both of them) so my friend asked her mom to please let them talk at least a little bit, so she said let me call you back in a couple of days, which she never did. So my friend kept texting her but the girl only replied with faces since she isn’t allowed to talk to him and is not technically talking.

Then a month ago, her dad called my friend and told my friend that they think that he is a really nice guy but they did some more istikharas that came out negative and that they have her phone and they are receiving all the text messages he is sending her and they don’t want him to text or call anyone in her family. So my friend was like ok how come the istikhara turned out good for over a year and its turning out bad now? And that we are only supposed to do an istikhara upto 7 times and then trust it, not doubt the first istikhara by doing it again and again for the rest of our lives.  And her dad told him that no, an istikhara is an on-going process and we should all just accept it and move on. Any ways, my  friend did an istikhara and it was positive, his parents did istikharas and they were positive and even I did an istikhara for them and it was positive, and to my knowledge we are only supposed to do an istikahra upto 7 times and then trust it and not doubt Allah swt first guidance, why are these people doing it again and again and again for the same thing?

Please impart some wisdom in me that I might not know of so I can guide my friend accordingly, both the girl and my friend really like eachother and they want to get married with their parent's permission, they never even meet without their parents in the same room, they are both good Muslim kids but I think her parents are being way too unreasonable. They are both extremely hurt these days since they can't talk since that would be disrespecting her parents so my friend really doenst know what to do???

Kian.

Salaam alaykum ,

I am married this man some 2 n half years ago. He was not a normal person; I came to know about his mental illness(suffering from OCD ) only after the marriage which his parents had hidden from me. I was not able to tolerate it as the illness makes him do things very late and sometimes he speaks to himself ,takes hours to finish his prayers and moreover we are not compatible by a percent. We had many fights; seeked psychiatric help to cure him and save the marriage but now after 2 and half years; he is still the same and now I don't want to continue as I am losing my own mental stability due to the stress he is causing me; can I go for  divorce? we have a 1 n half year old son and he is my only concern now and my husband pleads me not to go away. I am in a difficult situation but I really need a life; a life of happiness.

Any sincere advice for this desperate muslimah....?

Assalam O Alaikum,

If a Muslim girl and a Hindu guy got into a relationship and the guy promises her that he will convert to islam just because he has strong feelings for the girl.
My questions are:

1. Is it okay to accept that the guy actually converted to Islam just because he has strong feelings for the girl and he's willing to do anything just to marry her?
2. Will the guy be actually able to lose his feelings for his Hinduism and accept Islam deep down from heart one day?
3. Is it okay if the girl lives with the Hindu family of her husband after marriage? While the girl prays to Allah in the same place where the family carries out all their hinduism culture, pooja (worship), not eating red meat etc?

maya2011,

. . ." (Qur’an 30:21) "]

"And among His(swt) Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your [hearts

I am a 68 year old man and am fit and healthy and young at heart and I live in Cape Town, South Africa. I have reverted to Islam and would like to start a new life by finding a Muslim marriage partner.

Please help.

Khalil

Not that I'm in the habit of taking advice from church billboards, but in this case they have a point. Secret relationships are always a mistake.

Assalamo Alaikum...

My brothers and sisters in Islam.. I just wanted to share my story about the girl I truly love.  Few years ago, I met a girl through chat and since I really dont like chatting, I asked for her phone number and she gave it to me after I convinced her.  So I called her right after she gave her number and started talking to her just like a normal conversation.  At that point, I didn't tell her that I am a Muslim but I am just waiting for the right timing to tell her that.  And when she knew that I am a Muslim, we just continued talking and there was no reaction from her.  When I tried to end our conversation, she asked me if I want to know something about her.  I said, maybe but not now.  But she kept on asking me, if I really want to know something about her? I said let me think and I'll call you again.  Then, when I am about to say goodbye; she told me that we have the same religion.  so i was shocked... and since then I really got interested with her at that point in time.

So to make the long story short, we had a relationship and I've met her family and I introduced her also to my family.  So I had a chance to work abroad, and left her in our country.  And few months after, she had a chance also to work abroad (we're in different countries).  So the problem started because of me.  Since she's far away from me, I wasn't able to avoid the temptation and then  I met a muslimah and had a relationship with her.  But still our communication continued and I do feel the sincerity and faithfulness of her love to me.  While from my side, I am really confused if who am I going to choose.   Until one day, I decided to marry the girl I just met, thinking that the other one is so far from me and long distance relationship most of the time don't work.  Then she couldn't believe that I got married; she cried I caused her pain which she carried out for years.  And its too late for me to realise that she's the one I truly love.  I didn't have a healthy relationship with my wife because she's not submissive to me.  I mean; I tried to be a good muslim husband and a father to our son.  Sometimes if we have a problem, she will not stop making an argument with me which is a sign of not respecting me as her husband.  But I am still in control of the family.  Just imagine the situation, its like having cats and dogs in one room.

Meanwhile, the girl found a guy who's always there for her, who listens to her; this guy is a Christian but he converted to Islam. I don't know why?  maybe because he really liked the girl and the only way for him to marry her is, if he will convert to Islam.. (and Allah knows best...) they agreed to marry even if the girl didn't love the guy.  Even if she really loves me, she doesn't like to be my second wife.  Likewise, her parents don't like me anymore because I got married already.  One thing we can't avoid is the communication; it stopped for a while but then again continues until now.  Surprisingly, I went on vacation and she's on vacation too... to get married.  Since we really love each other, we had a chance to meet and discuss what happened to our relationship.  She said she was forced to marry the guy because she thinks, it is the right thing to do.  She said, she will give herself a chance to love the guy but its hard for her because her heart belongs to me.  Until she decided to postpone the wedding because she's not sure about her feelings for the guy.  But her parents didn't agree with her.

Since she respects her parents, even if its against her will, there's nothing she could do but to follow them.  The girl told me that she really loves me and wants me to be her husband.  Then I said, you're getting married if that will happen, there's no more chance for us.  But since I dont want to lose her also, I told her that I want an assurance, that we will still be together in the end. Just to mention again, my relationship with my wife for years wasn't a healthy one.  I gave her so many chance but she's not willing to give way.  And sometimes she have the guts to ask for a divorce.  Until one day, I received a divorce agreement from her family, asking me to sign the papers.  I signed but the papers are still with me.  Still giving a chance to my wife.  So going back to her,  the assurance I am asking will involve tough decision.  I said, I have no choice but we will try to have a baby (Astaghfir'ullah 3x). May Allah forgive us for our sins but we tried it.  And we will know the result after 2 weeks.  Yesterday, she got married and I told her, just pretend that you have your monthly period to avoid having intercourse and tell him that ramadan is also coming.  The main purpose is to avoid confusion later on if who's the father (if she will able to conceive).

My question is;

If she's pregnant with me, does she have the right to divorce her husband? then later on I will marry her? or what if they had intercourse, and she got pregnant.. of course there will be confusion, so we will wait until the bearing of the child. What if the child is mine, is she allowed to file a divorce, then later on I will marry her? What if she's not pregnant, and after few months decided to file a divorce because there is no love involved and she just can't refuse with her parents... that's why the wedding pushed through.  Is it allowed for her to divorce the guy?  May Allah forgive us our sins and I am always asking for repentance for what we did; brothers and sisters, please guide us.  wassalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuho...

Eightcheztee.

Asalaamu alaykum

I am a recent revert to islam(alhamdulilah) and i have been doing alot of reading since the change.there are still a few unclear issues such as nikah as thus im asking you for knowledge and guidance In'sha Allah.

If i want to get married,what needs to be done? I have a list of questions that i have uncertainty of. Please answer them to the best of your ability In'sha Allah.

1. Does the groom need to still ask my father for permission to get married to me(since. My father is still christian)?

2.does my father have to be present at the nikah?

3.Will we(bride & groom) have to live together after the nikah?

4.Do we need to get married in masjid or can the nikah be performed somewhere else?

5.Do the parents of both families need to know about the nikah?

Please assist me with answers to these questions.

Shukran
Anon786