Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Christian single mother in love with Muslim man; any advice on how we can be together?

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I'm a Christian single mom and fell in love with a single Muslim man. To make it more complicated we have a long distance relationship, he being in India. His family wants him to follow in the arranged marriage ways, and he doesn't wish to. They have asked him to forget about me, leave me and follow their ways and we have tried to break it off twice without success. We really love each other so much, spoke about a future together, getting married. He is my perfect match, the best man ever met in my life but, disobeying his family is a major wrong. They refuse to speak to him or forgive him for still having me in his life.

Firstly - Is there any way I can help him to ask for forgiveness from them, as that is more important to me than my own happiness just feel so helpless. Second to that; is there any way I can prove to them I am true, sincere and just love him? Any suggestions on how to try and get their blessing for us?

I wish to believe love concurs all, see no boundaries, race, religion or color. Nothing is impossible and I'm keeping faith and hope for a breakthrough but can do with good advise.

Lady 02.


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5 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    I'm afraid I have more questions than answers for you. First, how did you two meet, considering he lives in India and you live elsewhere? I am guessing the two of you have met online, and perhaps have not even met in person yet. If this is the case (and I hope I'm wrong in my assumptions), then I have to say based on experience from being on this site that your situation is a recipe for many possible disasters.

    Secondly, what is your current understanding of Islam, and what your obligations as a wife married to a Muslim would be? Are you aware that the children you have with him would have to be raised according to Islam, and not taught about your beliefs at all? Are you ok with that? How would it affect how you are raising your own child you now have? Do you feel you know enough about Islam to fulfill that role? Would you be willing to learn more about Islam if you lack that knowledge now?

    Thirdly, how do you picture a marriage with this man? Are you going to move to India, or is he going to leave his family (despite their apparent protests) and come to you? What kind of effects do you think this will have on him and his family, and you as well? What do you think the marriage will look like, being that you two are of different faiths? Are you familiar with the rights and duties of husbands and wives according to Islam?
    Have you considered that your husband may eventually want you to convert so that you can share a faith in common? Have you thought about the cultural differences that would impact whichever one of you would be relocating, and how this could affect your marriage?

    These are a lot of questions, and there are many more that could be added. I'm only asking them because your post doesn't outline these very important areas. I'm not sure if you've thought that deeply about this, but if by chance you haven't I can tell you that you are not ready to marry this man. You have a child, you need to make sure that you think, rethink, and rethink again 10 more times about what you're getting into...especially with someone it seems you may not REALLY know. Right now, your primary concern is taking care of your child and putting their interests first, and finding a husband who is a good fit for you and your child is secondary. You need to make sure that whoever you choose to be the stepfather to your child is the right fit, and I don't see how you can adequately do that with someone that you only know in the context of a long distance relationship.

    I suggest that you take a step back from all this and re-evaluate your priorities. Marriage will always be there, but poor choices that could affect or harm your child can't be taken back. The fact that his family is not supportive doesn't help, and from my assessment it seems like you both are better off leaving each other alone and looking for someone more suitable for your individual needs and circumstances.

    -Amy
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. I'm a Christian single mom and fell in love with a single Muslim man.

    Thats fine. Any marriage out of compulsion is not marriage in Islam no matter who says it is. So the man's family can try and force him but he won't be married to the woman Islamically/Morally/Legally.

    However, I must warn you you might find it very difficult being married to a Muslim man if you don't believe or follow his faith even if you do believe in God. So remember any steps you take you can either ruin your lives by giving up after a while on your marriage or make it wonderful by committing to it right till the end.

    Disobeying family is not a major wrong, its not even a sin. Marriage is a matter of personal choice in Islam. That is the standard for everyone. However, tensions with your in laws can cause difficulties so again you'll have to be very strong.

    The best thing you can do is sincerely pray to God, one God, and not associate anything or anyone with him as Jesus taught, not the son of God but a Prophet.

    Remember dear sis, getting married in Islam is very simple, so those who may complicate it for you you might want to just pass by them and follow the correct advice. You need some witnesses, you don't even have to make it hugely public and you can always renew it publically once other family members are happy to accept you both.

    Long story short, you both should have no reason not to get married as long as you both believe in God, One God, and the Prophet as the Last Messenger of God, Jesus as a Prophet of God a status far more respectable than so called "son of God" which is not only disrespectful to God but even to someone like Jesus. I really hope you both get married, live a God fearing life, and with time your inlaws etc. come to accept you and your future children. Your man will have to be quite open, knowledgeable and strong about all this! The problem with alot of Muslims like any other people is lack of knowledge of their own religion!

    Salam.

  3. Salam,

    Being that this man lives in India, have you ever met in person?

    Salam

  4. Morning everyone,

    Thank u so much for honest and sincere advise. I appreciate it a lot. Zee, your input really meant a lot and answered quite a few things for me.

    Yes we have met in person, I went to India. Yes, I was prepared to relocate... But.. Despite my effort to get advise I have to say the situation has changed. His mom fell ill, her not speaking to him now has him believe it was his fault as they do not approve of me. They have chosen someone for him to marry and they will only forgive him and accept him back in their home if he agree... He loves his mother the most, and will never leave her. He has agreed.. So either I was taken as a fool which is how it feels now... Or that is just how committed he is to them.

    It does leave me with a broken heart, devistated..but one thing I do know.. We should all love and live with acceptance and forgiveness for others. I'm time it will all be well again.

    Thank u everyone for your advice.

    • As you have been here

      I would like to tell you about Islam

      We Muslims worship Allah - the only one GOD who created you and me and all that exists.
      The GOD of Adam, Noah , Abraham, Moses, Jesus, Muhammed (peace be upon them) and all.

      why did Jesus(peace be upon him) the son of Mary (may Allah be pleased with her) came to this earth?
      Jesus came to teach people about ALLAH. He came to teach people to worship none but ALLAH alone without associating any partners with HIM.

      Allah says
      “And I (Allah) created not the jinn and mankind except that they should worship Me (Alone)”
      {Quran 51:56}
      _________________

      Allah alone deserves to be worshiped.
      HE has no father, mother, brother, sister or son.
      HE is not like us.
      There is no one like HIM.

      Allah says,

      Say, "He is Allah , [who is] One,
      "Allah-us-Samad (The Self-Sufficient Master, Whom all creatures need, He neither eats nor drinks).
      He neither begets nor is born,
      "And there is none co-equal or comparable unto Him."

      (Quran 112: 1-4)
      __________________________

      what is the purpose of this life? just study, earn, marry, children and die or there is more to it?

      Do you know that this life is temporary?? and we will die and will be raised up again and there is going to be a day of judgement?

      Please Research about Islam. See how it makes sense inshaAllah.

      I want you to be saved from the hell fire and enter Heaven so I invite you to Islam.

      Here are some links for you where you can learn more about Islam inshaAllah
      -> quran(dot)come
      - > Invitation2Islaam(dot)wordpress(dot)com
      replace above (dot) by . and paste and search in your address bar
      __________________
      May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

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