Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Comitted Zina – What now?

Posted by • May 4, 2010 • Printer-friendly

woman praying blue mosque turkey %photoI've had premarital sex with my boyfriend.

I now deeply regret it.

What shall I do to be forgiven?

Am I able to be married?

- Zaha


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15 Responses »

  1. wael
    May 4, 2010 • 10:36 am

    As-salamu alaykum dear sister Zaha,

    Yes, you can be forgiven Insha'Allah. Yes, you can get married.

    Forgiveness

    Being forgiven is a matter of doing tawbah, which is to repent sincerely for what you did and ask Allah's forgiveness. See our article here about Tawbah:

    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/tawbah-in-islam/

    Please also see this response I wrote many years ago to a young sister, about how to do tawbah and change her life:

    http://www.zawaj.com/bilqis/2003/4-18-2003.html

    I think that my co-editor Sister Z has also written a good answer about tawbah and forgivness, do you recall which one that was Sister Z?

    Oh, and one more. Back in 2007 there was a 14 year old who wrote in about feeling guilty for his sins and wanting to change his life. Someone nicknamed tigereye468 wrote a very good response. Here it is:

    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/i-am-14-years-old-i-want-to-get-rid-of-my-sins/

    Marriage

    The issue of getting married is another question. Of course you can get married, but the question is should you tell your future husband about your past? Won't you be starting out with a lie if you don't tell him?

    My answer to this is no, you should not tell him. Concealing your own past mistakes is not the same as lying. If Allah has covered your sin so that people do not know about it then that is a mercy from Him; you should not go against that mercy by revealing your sin.

    Abu Hurayra (Allah be pleased with him) reports that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace be upon him) said, "All my Community will be excused except those who are blatant. And it is from blatancy for one to perform an act at night and to wake up and tell something that they did such-and-such, while Allah had concealed it for them. They slept under the cover of Allah, and they rended Allah's covering from themselves in the morning." [Bukhari and Muslim]

    So Allah dislikes it when He covers your sin as a mercy to you, and then you go out the next day and tear off the cover. By covering your sin, Allah is giving you a chance to do tawbah and change your life without having to be shamed before the people.

    Another reason not to tell a prospective husband about your sins is that many men will not be able to handle knowing this and will shun you, or at least will be jealous and bothered by it.

    Do tawbah, make your peace with Allah, and leave this behind you.

    What if Someone Asks You?

    What if a prospective husband (or anyone else) asks you outright if you committed zinaa. Should you lie?

    First of all, it's very rude of someone to ask such a question as it impugns the character of a Muslim. But someone might ask it, especially if he has some suspicions or has heard rumors. In that case you can say,

    "Muslims should not commit such sins." This is a true statement, and the listener can take what he chooses.

    Or you could say,

    "Allah has guided me and protected me from such sins," by which you would mean that since you made your tawbah Allah has protected you from falling back into sin.

    So there are ways to answer indirectly without lying, Insha'Allah. One might say this is playing with words, but read again the hadith about concealing sins and you will realize that the niyyah is to accept Allah's mercy and not to uncover what Allah has covered.

    My best wishes to you, and may Allah guide us all and protect us from sin and harm.

    Wael Abdelgawad
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    Reply
  2. Islamic Friend
    June 22, 2010 • 10:23 pm

    Hello friend,
    Please ask this question to some Aalim or Sheikh. Never take answer from common people. ALLAH will forgive every sin except Shirk ( believing other than ALLAH). But an Islamic teacher like Aalim can give you the exact solution for this and that solution will make success in our life in here and after death.
    some good sites are: http://www.islam.tc/ask-imam/ , http://www.islamqa.com .

    Ansif

    Reply
  3. Faria
    July 2, 2011 • 8:26 pm

    When i read this my life got hope again, unfortunatly i commited zina when i was 18. It was so strange that it happend because I am not a person from nature to do these kind of thing..but it did happen and now i regret more than ever. I can relate why it happend..i was going to a very difficult time and i let my self go without thinking of any consequenses ..i truly regret of my action and i cry about it every day since it has happend. One thing you should know is that i truely believe in Allah (S.W.T), but in some way sheytaan got grip on me wich made me do something like that.

    Reply
  4. sohail
    August 2, 2011 • 6:03 am

    my name is sohail.i am very tensed these days.i,ve comitted iilegal sex many tymes.and i have started hating my self now.as i tried many tymes to get rid of this but all the tyme i failed as my neyat to get rid of this thing is very strong.i have made a strong neyat this tyme that i will not contect any of my affairs and will change my cell number..b8 inside myself i feel that i,ve made sins dat can not be forgiven.i am not married yet and i want first somehow to ask 4 forgiveness from Allah.and then i want to start myself a new life with tobah and get married.as i have made sins inside myself i think this wont b possiabe..as i knw that saza of zina is only death.please tell me if there is any way that i can start new life and can be forgiven From Allah. Please answer as soon as posiable as i am mently too much disturbed coz of this.

    Reply
  5. princess
    February 8, 2012 • 1:43 am

    well, i haven't comitted any direct zina. Like, i had two boyfriends. When my first boy friend came we used to interchange sexual texts on mobile. And on my 2nd boyfriend i used to have verbal sex with him on mobile. But i'm virgin in the sense of physical sex. It could be said that i've done voice zina. I'm repenting for my deeds right now. So what would be my punishment? And as islamic law is now a dead lettar (only confined in osiat law). Even if I accept my sin i won't be punished because there's no law for punishing the act of zina. So, what would be my tawabah and is their any kaffara for that?

    Reply
    • Wael
      February 8, 2012 • 3:51 am

      See the comment I wrote above. You have committed sins, but have not actually done zinaa. Just make your sincere tawbah and do not do such actions in the future.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      Reply
      • Professor X
        February 8, 2012 • 1:51 pm

        Asalaam alaykum,

        In the Qur'an, Allah (swt) tells us to not come near zina as this is the first step towards it, and as it seems as you are getting more familiar with males, you are taking progressive steps towards the sin, itself.

        Muhsin Khan Translation:
        And come not near to the unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a Fahishah [i.e. anything that transgresses its limits (a great sin)], and an evil way (that leads one to Hell unless Allah forgives him).

        So your actions are leading to forbidden lust. It would only stand to reason that your haraam boyfriends are using your texts for arousal and in the case of phone sex, using it to masturbate and achieve orgasm, which makes you a party to his haraam actions. You are coming nearer to the sin and you seem susceptible of falling into a skin on skin sexual contact in the future.

        You really must stop having any contact with males because not only is it forbidden, but you are more than likely going to do something of a great sin that you deeply regret one day. Also, you may have not taken in account that these boyfriends may be sharing your texts and/or recordings of your phone sex with other people, which is a deviated pass time of the youth these days to show off to others. There have been many disgraceful males who share texts, photos and audio/video recordings of their sexual exploits at the workplace or schoolyard with strangers.

        Please protect your chastity and develop your modesty, so that your desires should only be shared with a proper husband.

        You need to to ponder what being chaste and observing hijab means by reflecting on Sura An-Noor, verses 30 and 31 which tell both men and women to lower their gaze.

        In Sura Maryam, even when she first encountered the Angel Jibril (as), look at her reaction:

        "She screened herself away from them (her people) then We sent to her Our angel, and he appeared before her as a man in all respects. She said: I seek refuge from you to God, Most Gracious (come not near) if you do fear God. He said I am only a messenger from your Lord (to announce) to you the gift of a holy son-She said: How shall I have a son, seeing that no man has touched me and I am not unchaste?" (19:17-20)

        In Sura Al-'Aĥzāb, 33:35, it tells of the men and women who will be rewarded in this excerpt by one of their actions of.....

        For men and women who guard their chastity,

        Let these be your inspiration for your reformation of your soul and deeds. To make up your mind to change is a great decision, but reinforce it with the proper understanding and learning of what being a woman should be in the attempt to gain the pleasure of Allah (swt) in this world and the hereafter.

        Reply
  6. Sal
    April 11, 2012 • 9:09 pm

    Hi, I'm having what I think is a similar problem. I don't know for sure if I have committed zina - I've let a man hug/kiss me, fondle and touch me sexually and have shown my body to him but have not had actual sexual intercourse. We have been together for a few years and I feel immensly guilty about this especially since I now consider myself a good muslim in other respects - I say my prayers 5 times a day and try to be a good muslim in my daily life. I do think I love him but marriage would still be a few years away. I'm starting to feel as though the only thing I can do to fix things is leave him, never look back and ask Allah for forgiveness even though I don't feel as though I deserve forgivness. It would be the hardest thing to leave him as he has always been there when I was suffering and it would take me years to stop hating myself, but a part of me loathes him for convincing me to do the above mentioned things. What can be done about this?

    Reply
  7. Sal
    April 12, 2012 • 1:09 pm

    Thank you for your responses. The thing is we do not do such things anymore - only occasional kissing which I do still feel guilty about. He also considers himself a good muslim in other respects and would never commit actual zina neither would I. He is not only a 'boyfriend' but my best friend and I don't have many friends we've had a long history together which makes it all the more harder to end it but I want to do the right thing. All this time I thought if we got married eventually it would make the relationship 'halal', but the constant lies I've told my parents when meeting him a long with the trust they have in me has finally started to take its toll it's driving me insane

    Reply
    • SisterZ
      April 12, 2012 • 1:48 pm

      Sal,

      This is the problem, you perceive your sin to be 'only occasional kissing'. Please read the links I sent you.

      Both of you take a clean break,sort out your relationships with Allah(swt) and ask Him(swt) to purify you. If you are both meant to be together, wouldnt you rather it be in a halaal manner after you have made sincere tawbah and taken time out to rectify your lives?

      ***
      And please do not ask any more questions here. You must submit your own post if you wish to ask more. Any more questions will be deleted.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      Reply
  8. Layla
    April 24, 2012 • 12:11 am

    I have the same problem but I'm in a worst situation than others. I committed zina with my ex boyfriend, I never though I would do such thing like that but it happened, I was 19 years old back in then now I'm 23. After we broke up cause I realized all he wanted from me was sexuall intercourse. After coupleonths I heard rumors going about me for last 3 years, he has been telling people I'm a whore he slept with me and all kind of things. From the first day I've done the zina I couldn't live in peace anymore, I'm a whore in everybody's eyes I'm so helpless. Whole town is knows me now and talking bout me. I committed suicide 3 times and I failed at it I'm so pathetic I can't even kill myself. I'm so embarrassed of myself. I don't wanna live in a world where everybody looks down on me. I never hurt anyone in my life I'm not a bad person, I was immutare and I made a mistake now my question is what should do, I already did tawba I don't know if Allah will ever forgive a disgusting person like me. I believe in Allah so much but I've done wrong. I'm guessing Allah is punishing me for my sin in this world. I know it's a big sin to kill yourself but I can't look at anyone's faces I don't go out in public so they won't recognize me. Please tell me what to do...

    Reply
  9. chinxxx
    April 28, 2012 • 4:45 pm

    Asalaamalaikum sista layla

    we'r all sinners and make mistakes but the best of sinners are who repent

    watch this video on youtube InshAllah you,ll get some answers (",)

    The Power of Repentance - Sh. Yasir Qadhi

    Reply

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