Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Confused about inner changes drawing me to purdah

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Salaam and Ramadan Mubarak to all.

I'm a 25 year old Muslim female, belonging to a moderate family. I have always been moderate in my religious beliefs as well, as in I've always dressed modestly and comfortably but never covered my head.

All my life, I've mostly seen this trend among ladies in society, that they cover their head 'fashionably' with a dupatta or scarf, but half of their hair is showing OR that ladies wear dupatta or scarf but take a 'vacation' from it on weddings and parties. Such observations normally filled me with disdain and I used to feel that it is better not to observe pardah at all if you can't sustain it properly.

Recently though, I underwent a very bad experience in my life, the aftermath of which brought me closer to Allah and my deen. I realized that Allah is the sole provider of comfort and mental peace. I have started to pray regularly, recite the Quran with translation and generally try to do dhikr a lot. It really helped me a lot in taking me out of my depression and normalizing my state of mind.

Now for some time, I have been having thoughts of starting purdah. Like before, I used to go out comfortably in short sleeved kameez but now for some reason I just feel more comfortable in long sleeves. And now I want to cover my head, but the reason I'm not starting is I have doubts about my ability to sustain it. As in, all my life people have seen me in shalwar kameez without dupatta on my head, and even in jeans and long shirts. I am scared they might make fun of me or call me a hypocrite.

Also I fear that I am turning towards this step as a source of escape from my bad experience, rather than an actual desire to cover up. I don't want to start covering my head as an 'experiment' and then leave it after some time or not do it properly because that would make me feel extremely insincere with Allah. I talked it over with my mother and my sister who suggested that I should wait till I get married, and then take this step if I still feel the same way about it.

I don't know. At this point in my life, I am extremely mentally unstable, quite depressed and anxious 24/7. As a result I am feeling a huge need to improve my relations with Allah in every aspect but at the same time I don't want to start some thing I can't sustain, as purdah for me is a huge thing, not to be taken lightly as some kind of a fad. I need some advice and suggestions about what I should do now.

-anxious_soul


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100 Responses »

  1. anxious_soul - As-salam-alaikum,

    when i was reading your words, i felt as if they were coming from my mouth...i mean i am also going through the same thing....exactly the same...i also feel the same guilt and was wasa about parda/hijab. i have been in the same position as you are...no one in my family does parda (though my mum covers her head ( but hair can be seen). i have always liked people who covers (of course only those who covers properly in true islamic manner) and i always had wanted to do the same but also afraid to do for one reason or another. further, i had no encouragement from my family too. i too just recently have a bad experience of my life , due to which i have turned to Allah...exactly the same as you are...in my case, i will have to go all alone as my family is not that religious nor i have friends whose support i can have...but i am realising that i dont need anyone's support to be on right path of Islam...i have grown up enough ( 30 years) that i know what is right and what is wrong...whatever wrong i have done in the past ....are done and can't be undone. so i just have to repent and try to become a true Muslimah. covering yourself as per Islam is one part of it. therefore, i too on my way to practice Islamic dress code. To start with, i first of all donated all my short sleeved clothes, my western clothes (loose t shirts, loose shirts & short length kurtis). meanwhile i googled out about Islamic dress code and understood that we dont need to wear some particular kind of clothes like Burkha but just have to cover my body except hands and face and i realized that i can easily be done with Indian style clothing. covering yourself all of sudden will impact for many reasons, so being careful, i have decided to go step by step...also practically you cant throw away all your existing clothes...so i have planned that what i am going to do (actually insha -allah today only) i will be going to shop for arms sleeves (which i will wear with my present clothes (suit salwar) of three quarter sleeves), it would cover my arms completely and will get used to it. my another step is that i will preferably get my clothes stitched (in place of buying ready made) so i can make them according to my requirements ( high neck, long sleeves, loose fittings, loose bottoms - be salwar or chooridar) and thirdly i will start wearing hijab (not scarf or such thing), i will be starting with al amira hijab which are ready made and are easy to wear. once i get comfortable with it all, then i will go for other types of long hijab which i can pin and set at my own. this is my strategy how to go for it.

    about people's reaction or internal thoughts, well, i am in process to make myself understand and convince (i am almost successful) that 1. i would be doing this for Allah subhan tala to please him. It is the almighty who matters to me and none else, not even my family. 2. covering makes you feel confident and secured (i don't know exactly how but it does) at least you are saved from dirty eyes of people ( being a working & single woman i know it is) 3. by practicing this, i would be following one of the command of Allah subhan tala, who knows, seeing me like this, my family members may too turn towards it and i would earn 'sawab' for that. 4. why to bother for people's reaction- they would always check you, some would praise you, some would criticise you, some would laugh at you, some would get inspired from you. so whats the point in thinking about them. 5. Like you, i also want to get closer to Allah, and to do so, we all have to fulfill this condition too.
    6. lastly i must share that at the age of 21, i had wanted to wear hijab and had wanted to follow Islamic dress code but i was made fun not by people but by my own family and it resulted in i gave up my thought of doing it. but now i will not as my eman is growing and i have taken the right path and i have realized that i have grown up enough to do it even if there is no support.

    i would say, dont wait till your marriage who knows how long will you live..how will be your husband's reaction about it...who knows if later you would still have these strong feelings to do it...so just for it but do it step by step (don't pressurize yourself) and feel proud of yourself even if you stand all alone in crowd. Allah knows what is inside us (i am saying this for that hypocrite thing feeling that you get - i too got it many times , so i know how it feels)

    Like you, i am also mentally unstable, quite depressed and anxious 24/7 but we should waste our time and mental agony merely in thinking, crying, feeling dull...remember no one will help us but only Allah subhana tala and your own self. I am getting over with my past at my own with no support as such (of course except Allah ta'la). I have started praying regularly and now on way learning recitation of Quran and learning about Islam and islamic duas. this is bring peace to me in all aspects.

    Don't think this "step as a source of escape from my bad experience, " but think that Allah has shown us right path and guided us through that bad experience. you are not alone, i am with you on the same path with same feelings and thoughts. just do it and trust Allah, he will take care of both of us. ameen.

  2. In sadness you are truly alone. This is when your self is revealed to you. During this time we are extremely disturbed seeking peace and tranquility. Thus, the pursuit of silence helps us get nearer to Allah.

    Silence is the language of Allah. Rest all are poor translations.

    The call for Hijab is ipso facto from within your own. soul. I believe you are undergoing Tazkiya -- Nafsul Lawwama i.e. A Soul which reproaches when it commits any evil. The inner call to address the divine injunction Allah (swt) in Surah Noor is admirable.

    And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, their brothers' sons, their sisters' sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed. (Qur'an, 24:31)

    You have raised a valid point that a lot of people have failed to follow this order properly. I would also like to appreciate that your conscience has come alive. Just remember what you are doing is for Allah and not for the people who know you for 25 years.

    The fact of life is that the greatest change of life is frightening. You are circumspect because you are not sure how the world would respond seeing this change. However, do not inhibit yourself thinking how world will discern you. You are doing what maker of the world has instructed you.

    Go for it and put your trust in Allah.

    A lot of women form a hypocritical way of doing Hijab. However, let not their idiosyncrasy deter you from following the right path. Once you start, you would feel all the more close to your creator.

    May Allah make it easy for you!

  3. Assalaamualaikam

    If you want to wear hijab, my advice would be to go for it! Try not to worry about what other people might think, because ultimately the choice to wear hijab is between us and our faith in Allah. As with any significant change to our lives, it may be that at times it's a struggle or that you don't always manage to live up to your goals, but so long as you keep trying, you'll get there in the end.

    Some people find it easier to jump straight in to full hijab, while some people prefer to make gradual smaller changes that they're more confident they can sustain.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  4. Remember sis, its really your intentions and efforts that will count. Dont worry about what others will think or say... Only Allah will know your sincerity and whats in your heart. And thats all that matters! So wear hijab when you can (even if its a few hours) and keep reminding yourself that these small steps are towards a much larger goal that you hope to achieve.

  5. As-salamu alaykum sister,

    If we want to be good Muslims and please Allah then we don't debate about whether or not to obey Him. We don't weigh the pros and cons. We just do it.

    Do you want to please Allah, or please the people? Sometimes you can't do both. Do you fear Allah or fear the people? Perhaps both, but still, sometimes you must choose one over the other.

    If people make fun of you and you withstand it, that will be a source of barakah and reward for you on Yawm al-Qiyamah, and it will make you personally stronger. But I guarantee that more people will respect you for it than will mock you.

    Waiting until you get married doesn't make sense. You would marry a man who's comfortable with a wife who shows her hair, then switch it up on him? Wouldn't it be better to find a husband who is seeking a woman in hijab?

    If you are worried that your intentions are not pure, then do the deed - wear the hijab - and work to purify your intentions as you go.

    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. Thank you all for your wonderful responses.A special thanks to a repenter Muslimah, for opening up and sharing your own experience with me and giving me practical advice about how to go about making this change.Allah bless you sis, and may we both weather the storm of our experiences n come out the stronger for them :).I would really like to thank the creators and contributors of this site from the bottom of my heart.This site helpe d me the most after Salat and Quran,during some particularly rough months.You helped me normalize my life and for that I cannot thank you enough.and now that I am much more stable,I will contrive to help others in my own small way, by contributing to this site as well
    .May Allah bless you all!

  7. Dear Sister "Anxious Soul":

    While hijab is minimally referred to in Quran it is (unfortunately) maximally emphasized by media and people.

    My impression is you are going through a psychological change about who you are, and how you present yourself is just one part of that change. You are correct that people around you may disbelieve that you are becoming more pious internally and wonder about your outer change.

    Do only what you feel comfortable with. People around you will also take time to get used to the new you. Be prepared as you may get odd reactions (even fallouts) as you start to change. But as you settle into the new you - people will start to accept you as well.

    I respect ladies who wear full headcoverings with underscarves (these are modern styles) but I also respect non-hijabis, as well as Iranian, Pakistani, African, Arab, Indian and Western forms of Hijab, etc. There are different forms of cultural hijab and I have heard many scholars attest that they are all acceptable if following minimum requirements of modesty. Heaven knows, it is the men that do not follow hijab, and wearing a simple scarf these days can even put you at risk sometimes of your life.

    I would hate to think that you (or other sisters) would be judging me (as example) based on how I wear a scarf. There are too many "judges" in the world already. We have a diversity of Muslims in Islam and we should welcome not judge.

    My main suggestion to you would be to take the external changes as your internal changes solidify. For some that would be right away but for others it could take years. Each journey is different. And yes, the changes you are going through will be confusing and even uncomfortable. But plants do not sprout into fruit trees overnight - they stretch and grow towards the light. It is still a journey. There is something happening in your heart and your perception of the world and it's connection to the divine that is far more important to pay attention to as it will guide who you are and what you do while on this earth.

    Allah bless you and guide you on your path.

    • What a beautiful response!thank you so much, for replying.you reflected exactly how I feel.Actually, one other thing that was holding me back was the thought that people have already seen me without a headscarf, and there's no use covering up now,when everyone already knows what I look like without a headscarf.But I realize now that I should concentrate more on my spiritual development and purity of intention, rather than the comments of people.I must confess, before ,I always used to believe more in modesty of actions, rather than dress, and in my heart of hearts, thought the need for full hijab out dated.I used to have full on debates about it with my friends as well.But now Allah has guided me to think of hijab as a way of protection in today's society and an armour against all sorts of evil , especially for a single working woman like myself and a way for a woman to maintain her dignity in an increasingly corrupt world.And there were so many other aspects of Islam that used to bother me before, but now because I took the time to study these aspects properly, all doubts are removed from my mind, and I now believe with all my heart that My religion is truly perfect! ,:)))

  8. As-salam-alaikum Kadi,
    i just wana say that

    you said “WHILE HIJAB IS MINIMALLY REFERRED TO IN QURAN IT IS (UNFORTUNATELY) MAXIMALLY EMPHASIZED BY MEDIA AND PEOPLE.”

    Yes it is minimally referred to in holy Quran for reason being a guiding book, Allah(swt) has just instructed how to maintain modesty in dressing.

    For women, in general, standards of modesty call for a woman to cover her body, particularly her chest. The Quran calls for women to "draw their head-coverings over their chests" (24:30-31), and the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) instructed believing women to cover their bodies except for their face and hands. Most Muslims interpret this to require head coverings for women. Of course, some Muslim women cover the entire body, including the face and/or hands, which I personally feel is a matter of own choice.


    Personally I agree to covering following the simple funda that how we dress for namaz is the same way that we should be all the time.

    It is the beauty of our religion that we are not commanded to wear some particular kind of attire (like Burkha etc.) to cover ourselves. We can wear whatever we wish, just keeping in mind that it should be loose so as not to outline or distinguish the shape of the body and should not be see-through type.

    I agree with you and I feel that it is being hyped by the media and some people who wish to increase their business selling their stuff or by those who are having cultural conflicts living in western world.

    “I RESPECT LADIES WHO WEAR FULL HEADCOVERINGS WITH UNDERSCARVES (THESE ARE MODERN STYLES) BUT I ALSO RESPECT NON-HIJABIS, AS WELL AS IRANIAN, PAKISTANI, AFRICAN, ARAB, INDIAN AND WESTERN FORMS OF HIJAB, ETHERE ARE DIFFERENT FORMS OF CULTURAL HIJAB AND I HAVE HEARD MANY SCHOLARS ATTEST THAT THEY ARE ALL ACCEPTABLE IF FOLLOWING MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS OF MODESTY. “

    Yes, you are right but what matters is that if they really meet the basic requirements. For example, some women do wear a scarf but their hair can be seen or some wears it occasionally or some wear too tight attire with hijab that it defeat the purpose of overall modesty.

    What we must remember is that Islam does not change with culture of a nation.

    Like Anxious Soul, I am also going through the same thing.

    Actually, when we commit a mistake/sin and realized its gravity, then feeling the guilty and trying to repent, we rush to perfect ourselves in all possible ways. This thing puzzles us. Further we are haunted by negative or unknown feelings and thoughts (like being hypocrite as we both have felt, but actually it is not so but actual a pure intention)

    But one thing is for sure, you cannot change yourself in just one go. Even if you try to do so, you will end up failing. Just remember, it takes time. When we have embarked on our spiritual growth journey, then everything will change internally as well as externally. These feelings to change our way of dressing is just one part of it. We still have a long way to go to learn about our deen and practice the same. What world would think or react does not matter at this juncture.

    PS- “Anxious Soul” – just to know, I bought some hijab which I have started wearing while offering namaz so I may get used to keeping it on my head and today is the first day that I am wearing arm sleeves with my usual three quarter sleeves suit chooridar and it feels utmost comfort. I wonder earlier I used to wonder how could long sleeves can be worn in such hot summery weather but now I am loving it ! :-) Hope you are also into something like this…? keep going.

    • @ repenter Muslimah : Salaam sis! Really good to know you are making these changes and feeling good about them as well.As for me, well one good thing going for me is that I am a doctor by profession and am required to wear a lab coat at all times during duty hours :) so basically I am properly covered from neck to foot in a loose garment whenever I go out as I mostly do shopping and other stuff after getting of from duty.as for head covering, what I do is whenever I say namaz I cover my head up properly with a dupatta.previously I used to take the dupatta off from my head after saying namaz, but now I leave it there just to get used to the feel of it.and Alhumdullilah it does feel good!I feel much more safe and secure now with a sense of inner peace.may Alllah give us the strength to improve and sustain these changes :))Ameen!

  9. why i am not able to submit my comment/response.

    i tried couple of times but they are neither published nor i get any failure message.

    @anxious_soul
    As-salam-alaikum sis 
    Glad to know it. Have you started covering head at work place or in public places yet?
    Do let me know so i may also get inspired.
    Well, I am still confused over choosing what to cover my head with.
    i mean i personally like dupatta of my suits (i wear Fabindia wwww.fabindia.com) but i feel it would be uncomfortable to work ( i have to work a lot on computers) wearing it being big and loose and i tried checking wearing hijab with current wardrobe i.e. suit salwar/chooridar and it doesn't go not in line.

    so far my observation is that

    1. hijab suits with indo western outfits which may have high neck, full sleeves, long tunic and preferably fitting bottom like chooridar/ straight fit trouser/jeans.

    2. dupatta goes well with suit salwar. but to cover your head properly, you need to wear an underscarf cap which would hide your hair and then you can wear dupatta on head in both loose or fitting manner. but thing to consider is that your dress should have full sleeves, high neck and loose fitting.

    i checked out http://www.shukr.com and http://www.mybatua.com, now i am feeling inlined towards indo western with hijab. i think whatever new attire i would be adding to my wardrobe now, will be in same style.

    3. one has to get used to it before wearing it publicly.
    Being Sunday, i kept my head covered most of the time, first i tried with dupatta after namaz (got inspired from you ) then switched to scarf. initially felt bit odd due to hot weather but it was fine after few hours.
    As I don’t wish to become a breaking news at my work place nor among family/relatives, also I want to have this change a lifetime one hence i am going slow and steady to accept it wholeheartedly.
    Please do remember me in your duas. I really need them. May Allah (swt) guide & bless us all. ameen

  10. Salaam sis, feels good to know that I inspired some one! :) I also asked my mom to get all my clothes stitched high necked, based on your suggestion!No sis, i havent started covering my head at work place as yet, still confused as how to start..you're right, the dupatta thing wouldnt work because it would be difficult to keep it in place to prevent hair from showing, and even more difficult in my profession which involves a lot of running around.There is a particular style of tying a scarf that i have seen some girls doing, i find it very modest yet stylish at the same time, i wish i could post a pic of it here, coz i dont know how to describe it!but idont know where to get such a scarf from or how to tie it in that style if i did coz none of my family or friends cover their head.i hope i find some instructions on the net on how to tie it!Anyways i hope we both suceed in our endeavours to start proper purdah and yet be comfortable at the same time, Insha'Allah!thanks sis and keep me updated!

    • Sister,

      There are a lot of tutorials on doing up your hijab on youtube. But beware of the camel hump styles as I believe they are prohibited in Islam. Just look for the simple styles without the big bump!

  11. Sister,

    It is haram due to this hadith;

    Allah’s Messenger (peace and blessings be upon him) said: There will be in the last of my ummah, scantily dressed women, the hair on the top of their heads like a camel’s hump. Curse them, for verily they are cursed. [At-Tabarani and Sahih Muslim]

    • Oh I see..thank you for sharing!

    • Sumaira, my impression was that this referred to women who wear this hairstyle without hijab. The hadith does say, "scantily dressed."

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • As-salamu Alaykum,
        The hadith describes them as "clothed, yet naked," which has various interpretations, one of which is that they cover themselves but still reveal their charms through tight or transparent clothing. The hadith also talks about women with "something on their heads like the humps of camels." I don't think we can say from this wording whether it refers to women who wear this style without hijab. These days, it is popular in the Arab countries for women to place objects under the hijab (including things like yoghurt containers and big, poofy hairclips) in order to achieve the "camel-hump" look. When I asked some women about the rationale for doing this, I was told it is to make it appear as though the woman has more hair than she actually does. It is a very widespread phenomenon and certainly brings to mind the hadith in question. This link contains more information and interpretations:

        http://islamqa.info/en/ref/47017

  12. as-salam-alaikum

    Sumaira is right. i am aware about it. camels hump means volumizing it from the back in whatever way (with hair or cloth ) and such big volumized hijabs are more for the fashion than for the modesty.
    Unfortunately many women are doing it today, by volumizing their hijab such way and accessorizing too much that makes others to stare thus turning it into mere fashion statement and purpose of modesty and simplicity goes away.

    i have seen many youtube videos but almost all of them are done using pins or just ready made al amira hijabs. since i offer my two times prayers at work place hence at this juncture when i am new to it, it would not be possible for me to wear hijab using pins and al amira hijab doesnt go well with indian ethnic wear (suit salwar)

    i checked this http meharhijab com , its an indian seller of hijab etc. and seeing Dr.Zuhah sytle hijab, i remembered you "Anxious Soul". you can check it out too and if liked, can order online also.

    the kind of style you are seeing, if the same is avaialbe on net, then share here the link of the same, so i can too check out the same

    Between, i have a thought that how about if we start wearing a head scarf?? being small and fitting, it wont create much problem in wearing or in working? what do you think? To cover front hair, we can wear head wrap inside. you can check the above website to understand it (head wrap) more.

    you know, these days, i often this thought that i have decided to practice islamic dress code completely and thankfully i already do it from neck to feet but when i will start covering head!!? its like as if my soul asks me- when?

    actually now i don't feel afraid of people's reaction be it work or home. but what bothers me that

    1. I want to look proper and modest yet stylish. as i don't apply any make up nor do any hair styling hence i wish that with hijab, i should look decent and not some cartoon (as i don't have proper knowledge about wearing it properly and have no one around from whom i could learn practically)

    2. I can continue wearing it life time, only when i am 100% comfortable about it in terms of wearing and feeling stylish.

    i read an article on net, which suggested that you should fix a date and start progressing towards it and start wearing from that date onwards. Hmmm...sound easy but but.....I don't know....but i have to and insha-allah soon...

  13. I want to share a conversation I just had with my mother about the purdah issue.I reminded to please get all my kameezes stitched full sleeved and loose from now, and she was like ok, but when I shared with her that I wanted to start covering my head, I got a really bad scolding :-( .she said that she hated women who pretend to show them selves as being extra pious and islamic by covering their heads, and that she would never let me become like that.Let me state here that my mother has always supported and encouraged me in learning more about Islam, in making my salat regular and in reciting the Quran, especially during the last few months.She has always inculcated the qualities of truthfulness and honesty in her children and that of helping others in need.But she has always been irritated by ladies who cover their heads but are in nature gossipy, and hypocritical, and believe me she has seen a lot of those in her life.( she doesn't believe ALL women are like that,but 99% of her acquaintances who cover their heads are)that is why she is biased on this issue.the point she made was that if you want to become closer to Allah, you should perfect your amaal first, and work on your faults first, and try to adopt an Islamic lifestyle by being a better daughter, sister,friend and doctor and by becoming a better person rather than covering your head straight away.previously I used to have the same view point as her so I could see where she was coming from, but I tried to tell her that the call for purdah was something that was coming from within, and I could cover my head AND work on perfecting my amaal at the same time, but she was quite unsympathetic towards my taking this step right away.I see I will have q uite a bit of convincing to do!hope I prevail.

  14. Alas! History repeats itself...this incident reminded me of the same situation i was in when i was 21 years old...if you can recall, i had shared this earlier that when i had discussed with my family, especially my mum rejected my idea of covering! you are going through the same thing.

    I understand your mum's point of view. I also had the same thinking. i have seen (still see even today) females, though covering themselves with dupatta or burkha, giving the impression of Islamic and modest but are doing the opposite things. I don’t know if you are from India, but here covering mostly means wearing Burkha, generally of black colour. i always hated Burkha ( i still do). even today , i see females wearing Burkha which is too tight or have cuts or have too much eye catching embroidery that purpose of covering and modesty goes away.

    May be 99% women are like that but as you mum agreed ( me too) that 1% also exist who are pious and purdah means modesty for them. Girls like you and me are wana to be among those 1%. It is true that modesty starts first from eyes, then heart then it goes on...but somewhere down the line, it does come to your dressing as well. Your mother advised you to adopt an Islamic lifestyle, then how could you avoid dressing Islamically being a part of it??!!!

    it might be possible that you mother is afraid that you might not get a good marriage proposal if you cover yourself because being in modern world, such thing is taken as odd or out dated! my mother had rejected my idea of hijab, perhaps for this reason only. but i have realized that it has nothing to do with your marriage. I am still single today!

    Another reason I could guess is that you mother might afraid if you would be able to sustain this change of covering. She might be thinking that your inclination towards purdah could be temporary and if you fail to keep it, it would affect the image of yours as well as family. This is really important. We (You and me) must remember that if we are going to be hijabi, then we are going to have a confirmed identity of being Muslim and we would be representing Islam to the world. If our action are not matched in line, I mean if our action are not modest and if people find us doing something prohibited in Islam, then people would judge Islam as per our action. Hope you are getting what I am trying to say. But to avoid this, if one thinks not to cover then, one must remember that biggest judge (actually only who matters ie. Allah (swt) is watching us and one day we have to stand before him. Then such flimsy excuses wont help.

    Just imagine, if after marriage, if your husband asks you to start covering then will you mother keep her stand? Or if you wish to keep yourself covered but your husband doesn’t like it, then what would you do? I have read many such problems faced by Muslim ladies around us.

    As I said earlier also that covering has simple funda that how we dress for namaz is the same way that we should be all the time.

    In nutshell, I would say ,it is purely a matter of personal choice like rest things, for example, offering 5 times prayers or keeping fasts (Roza), we are supposed to do it, and we are trained/encouraged by our parents for it, but ultimately, it is upto us whether to do it or not. Isn’t it?!!!

    In Islam, everything depends on an individual’s faith. Allah has instructed us to be modest in dressing but we are free whether to follow it or not and will be punished/rewarded as per our choice. It is beauty of Allah (swt) that he has NOT instructed us to wear some particular kind or length of clothes. The almighty has left the choice upon us with the simple instruction of cover entirely except hands and feet. Subhan-Allah

    You first have to determine your mind about this and should embrace purdah whole heartedly, once you get into it then you must convince your mother/family about it. I am sure, she will understand and will support you. Her biased views towards purdah insha-allah would change seeing you and other such people who truly and sincerely does it for sake of Allah! Keep posted and do duas for this- for yourself and for me also..please :-)

  15. PS- It is really unfortunate that in today’s modern world, when we young generation wear non Islamic modern clothes or have non Islamic modern life style then nothing much is said but when we try to follow Islamic things e.g. purdah, then it becomes a big issue.

    It’s not just about your mother, I have been sailing in the same boat. My sister wears western style dresses and is not religious, whereas I am improving my aamaal- trying to offer all salah and learning about Islam, trying to adopt Islamic style dressing but I have no encouragement from my mother as such. What I get sometimes is amazed face and wondering eyes! But in life, at some point, you have to walk alone, especially if it’s a right one!

    • Well said! Appearance and reality of the world has a lot of difference. May Allah guide all his righteous servants on the straight path.

  16. I agree with you on all points sis, but the acute concern here is : how the heck am I gonna GET a head scarf if my mom doesn't co operate??? :p 'cause all my life she's been getting my clothes made for me and I was only too happy to leave it to her coz there's nothing in the world I hate more than shopping ( I'm an indoorsy kinda girl).my plan of action was to gradually reconcile her to my covering my head by pointing out It's many benefits and then whip out a pic of the afore mentioned headscarf style I so admired, on my phone and be like 'btw mommy,could u get me something like this?'.but she completely shot me down on the first sentence, ruining my strategy.and trust me I have NO idea about the markets of my city, I wouldn't even know where to start!oh well, you know what they say, if at first u don't succeed, try try again :) insha'Allah she'l come around eventually!I really wanna do this with the blessings of my mother :))

  17. i am in hurry right now so would say in points

    1. You must learn to shopping. For sake of being self independent (dont expect your mother to buy everything for you whole your life! ) there will be times, if not now, but in future, where you will have to shop at your own ( for example, after marriage) so even if you hate it, should learn about it and have basic knowledge of markets of your city. ( you are just like me, i used to hate shopping and never bought anything for myself till age of 26-27, it was my mother who used to shop , even for eid, i used to wear whatever she bought for me) but alas! this thing cannot last for one reason or another. for example, due to poor health of my mother or buying a gift for family/friends/colleagues -sometimes i had no option but to shop at my own. i am still poor in it but thankfully have got basics about it.

    2. I don't know if you live with your family or away. if you live away due to work then, you must know one thing that (inspite of your sharing with her over fon) she can't just feel the changes you are going through. you know, this is something which is more to be seen by eyes and getting used to it to believe it all. so, it might be possible that she doesn't take you seriously or could be thinking that you are inclined towards it due to influence of someone(some friend/colleague/internet etc! ( i just hope that you haven't shared with her about talking this on internet!)

    but if you live with your family, then i guess, you have to continue improving your religious and modest activities/ life style without saying much to anyone. Let your mother and family see the changes in you. this will make them naturally accept it all.

    3. i have got an impression that you informed/asked your mother about hijab/scraf all of sudden without having prior (casual) discussions about it. how covering is important in islam and how we are supposed to it (just a casual chat). if i am correct, then it was obvious for your mother to react negatively as she is already biased towards it and must have felt afraid about you. my point is keep the changes and let your mother/family feel & accept it all at their own.

    Meanwhile, you first determine your mind about it. Insha-allah your mother/family will also accept it.
    if you wish to train yourself during this period then you can buy a scarf and can try to experience wearing it ( you don't need to wear it publicly as of now). any small square piece (for example stole) will work or you can order online (indian web site) meharhijab com (Costs of a hijab around Rs 300 to 400)

    keep posted

  18. Thank you so much sister for your sincere and wonderful advice.yes, in retrospect I guess I did kind of jump to that topic quite suddenly with my mom.il go about it more casually next time I.e tonight.please remember me in ur prayers and Thanku once again, more than I can say.

  19. I count you as my younger sis hence cant stop advising :-)

    Here again

    1.First of all monitor your own progress towards covering your head (as you already have taken other things in line i.e. loose fitting and full sleeves dressing hence only thing left to achieve is covering head - Kudos to you for reaching this point :-)

    2. Dont be in rush to discuss with you mother, check her mood first before discussing any islamic topic

    3. Be neutral while discussing, put your queries in form of questions to her, to let her respond properly in form of informing/guiding you, in light of Islam.

    4. if you are to discuss about purdah, quote from Holy Quran and Hadees about it but in friendly manner, so catch attention of your mother. you can also give real examples, like of Lauren Booth, sister-in-law of Tony Blair, the former British prime minister who converted to Islam and now how she has become Hijabi and loves it.

    5. Seek guidance from your mother about other aspects also of yours which she may think that you still need to improve - for example, in terms of reciting daily duas, dealing with day to day issues in light of Islam, dealing with people etc.

    6. Go slow and steady, insha-allah, you will succeed.

    7. Keep posted.

    And yes, do remember me in your duas.

    • It gave me such a warm and fuzzy feeling inside to read that, I also feel like I have a new elder sister somewhere out there,I always get that vibe from your posts..you seem like such a warm,sincere and sensible person!I truly envy your actual real sister , for having a sibling like you!I always do pray for you, since ever your first post here and I'm so sure that insha'Allah Allah will make life ahead wonderful for both of us,Ameen.

  20. Insha-allah, we will. Ameen

    I would be soon going shopping to get materials to get new my dresses stitched in required manner.
    My urge towards covering head is growing day by day. But simultaneously, since i am in process of overcoming some emotional issues (my bad experience) hence a lot is happening within me but I am really working to improve myself and be close to Allah (Swt). Please do dua for me. I really need them. I wish you all good luck in life my little sis. May Allah bless you with best of best. ameen

    Keep posted about your progress, insha-allah me too.

    Allah hafiz

    • Salam sister,

      I am just wondering are you stiching the long dress ( burka or jilbab)? Or just making western clothes loose, i.e loose tops and bottoms or loose skirts etc?

      I am still not clear on the ruling whether a long loose dress (burka)is obligatory or just any plain loose tops and bottoms are fine.

      And i am not sure if we are allowed to be stylish or trendy because again it might attract men. Should'nt we just strive to look plain and boring so that we are not noticible outside? But then again even in the islamic channels I see female muslim speakers wearing makeup and decirative hijab or clothing but it is loose.

  21. Hey lil Sis,

    check out the wonderful experience stories on

    http://hijab-diaries.blogspot.in

    • Awwwwwww I liked the stories, especially the proud mom telling about her teenage daughter.I was in a low mood and reading them made me feel better.thank you so much for sharing!truly inspiring.

  22. walekum salam sis Sumaira,

    Burkha/Jilab is not mandatory in Islam but you are supposed to cover your entire body except face, hands(fingers only) and feet and your dresses should not disclose your body shape and it should not be transparent. So I am not into it. to my best understanding, loose tops and bottoms are fine.

    what I am going to do to get stitched long length, loose fitting, full sleeves,high neck (chinese collar) tunics to wear with loose bottom like chooridar (straight fit pant)/ or salwar. Like i got to see on a web www my batua com

    By trendy or stylish, i meant to have variety of colours and simple yet cute designs (for example, having variety in pattern of long sleeves) but not those such type which may show figure or attract attention by any mean.

    you are right about anchors but i feel being commercial and to look presentable, they do it but it has nothing to do with Islam, its purely commercial.

  23. Salam Anxious Soul

    You must read http://www.iupui.edu/~msaiupui/hijabthink.html

    I am sure, it will definitely help you.

    I really liked this post.

    Why low mood?!! AK 47 from mom :-) Dont worry, keep going..slow and steady...first you get your 100% towards it then insha-allah rest things and people will get in your favour too.

    Keep posted.

  24. as-salam-alaikum my little sister,

    I logged in and read your message for Mohd. Waseem. I learnt that you were again bit low. why my dear. i dont know how to reach your page or leave any message for you. I miss you often. i even dont know if you would read this or not. Howz your operation Hijab :-) going on? Any updates? Never ever feel low my little sister.

    Keep a positive thinking and know in life
    Sweet and bitter both things do survive
    So we must not lose hope in the test
    Then God will surely give us the best

    So don't let a gray or a blue mood prevail
    Make best use of time and avail
    The nice opportunity that is given to you
    To see this painted world of hues

    So in life if ever in your pace
    You see troubles standing face to face
    Then don't lose hope or ever sigh
    Just cling on to hope and try

    To smile and then strongly stand
    In front of troubles and understand
    That joy and sorrow are the things
    That both come to us in life's ring

    So its better to face them with smile
    And walk steadily for a while
    And keep positive thinking and know in life
    Sweetness and bitterness both survive.

    by : Seema Chowdhury

    • Btw sis, I was really thinking hard about the point Sr Sumaira raised.Can a Muslim woman wear stylish, colorful scarfs and abayas and dresses, as long as they cover u up decently from head to toe?or should she wear dresses that do not catch the eye at all?do you have any idea what is Islam's stand on this?

      • To my best 'research' so far, Islam does not prohibit us wearing colourful clothes/scrafs.
        As far as color is concerned, a lot of that is cultural. While wearing black in Iran or the Arab world is customary, in Africa and Southeast Asia it is customary to be colorful and this is not inappropriate. Diversity is one of the strengths of the Umma. Therefore, there is nothing wrong if you wish to wear colourful hijab matching your dress.

        But ornately decorated hijabs ( if you wear a hijab with flower/ Flashy hair band/clip on it)or hijabs made of thin see through fabrics (for example -net fabric) or too small or too tight, then such hijabs will not meet the purpose of modesty.

        In a Hadees, its mentioned as

        "A'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) reported that Asma�, the daughter of Abu Bakr (may Allah be pleased with him) came to the Messenger of Allah (may peace and blessings be upon him) while wearing thin clothing. He approached her and said: 'O Asma�! When a girl reaches the menstrual age, it is not proper that anything should remain exposed except this and this. He pointed to the face and hands." [Abu Dawud]

        As long as you are modest and have not dressed in a way that will attract attention to yourself or attract others, you are fine. Hijabs should not showy or flashy. What colors you wear are entirely up to you. Just use discretion.

  25. Thanku so so much for asking, Allah bless you for your kind words.It was just one of those days, extreme work load, plus exam pressure plus the fact that Operation purdah is going nowhere (attempt no 2 with mom failed again and I got an even bigger scolding, now I feel like a huge hypocrite for even bringing the matter up on this forum).but she did say a few things which make me think she will come around, given a bit of time.I read your wonderful responses on various posts every day and am very proud to call you sister, seeing how earnestly and beautifully you advise people in distress with such authentic proof from Quran and Hadith, even though I can sense that you yourself are in great mental stress and agony.Hope your post gets posted soon, and that I may get the opportunity of helping you and bringing you some relief, the same way you helped and are helping me.May Allah recognize both of our efforts to strengthen our Imaan and may we both find peace in our efforts,Ameen.

    • Ameen.

      About operation purdah, i read a similar post on some other website and i am pasting the answer below-

      This is a delicate situation since the person you would naturally confide in and turn to for encouragement in obeying Allah is not providing you with that encouragement.

      Let me state, first and foremost, that there is no obedience to a human being, even to your parents, when they call for disobedience to the Creator. You are to be commended for seeking to fulfill your obligation to be modest. That having been said; don�t argue with your mother. As you have indicated, arguing is counter-productive and creates even more ill will. Instead, show your mother the best example of a Muslim daughter. Take the higher path. Be kind, generous, and loving. If you exercise sabran jamilan, or beautiful patience as Allah mentions in the Quran, Inshallah, you will be rewarded. Pray to Allah to soften your mother�s heart and incline her to what is right.

      Try to introduce her to professional Muslim women who wear hijab. Consider subscribing to Azizah Magazine, a publication that features the accomplishments of women who wear hijab. If your mother shows any interest, show her websites like Shukr, where she can see a sophisticated blend of Islamic modesty and Western fashion in a fine line of clothing for Muslim women. Try to show her the beauty of hijab, its practicality, and the happiness and accomplishments of women who wear it.

      So, do not loose hopes, keep trying but as i had also said that improve yourself in other aspects as your (should i say our :-) as we are sis) mother wish to see you. Insha-allah, sooner or later but you will get success. Dont ever again yourself a hypocrite. If you were hypocrite then you would left the idea of wearing simply putting the blame on your mother. But you have not done so nor wish to. So you are on right path, insha-allah, almighty will make a way for you. just keep going.

      “Allah surely loves those who are the Sabireen (patient).” (3:146)


      “And be patient, indeed Allah is with the patient ones.” (8:46)

      PS- Thank you for liking my ideas or advices. I am human being after all, so i have my flaws & faults, like others, i tooi have made blunders in life and the burden of those mistakes are on my soul. I am really struggling to change my life completely and trying to be a Muslim. Things become quite difficult when you guilty of grave mistakes done by you and have no one as such with whom you can share your pain or ask advice. Sometimes in life, there are certain pains which you have to keep within and help yourself - such pains you cant share with your close ones (family/friends) but only with almighty and some unknown people (like on this forum). This is strange but this is what called Life.

      Anyways, about my operation purdah, from next week onward, insha-allah i will be wearing my new dresses. it will give me a totally new look. soon insha-allah i will start covering head too. ( so far i haven't started because my dresses should be in line to go with hijab and i am making up my mind that i should buy hijab INNER caps which would cover my head and above of it, i will wear stole/dupatta in loose enough in folding manner).

  26. Just to boost your soul :-)

    The Hijab is Beautiful
    Abu Abdullah Fattaah Salaah ibn Bearnard Brooks

    In the Name of Allâh, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful

    Indeed, all praises are due to Allah, we praise Him, seek His Aid and beg for His Forgiveness. We seek refuge in Allah from the evil in our souls and from the bad consequences of our deeds. Whomever Allah guides, no one can lead that person astray and whomever Allah leads astray no one can guide that person. I bear witness that there is nothing worthy of worship except Allah Who is alone and without any partners and I bear witness that Muhammad sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam is His slave and final Prophet and Messenger sent to mankind.
    Certainly the most perfect speech is the Speech of Allah and the finest guidance is the guidance of Muhammad sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. The worst of affairs are those that are innovated into this religion as every innovation is misguidance and every misguidance is astray and every going astray leads to the Hell Fire.

    It often occurs to me that many of my sisters in Islam are not properly encouraged once they begin to observe the requirements of Hijab. It may be that a sister has been obliged to wear the Hijab without truly pondering over its superiority. Perhaps she has reached the age of puberty and her Wali (guardian) has instructed her to wear it. Perhaps she has recently re-verted to Islam and her close sisters have told her of its obligation. Or, perhaps her husband has commanded her to wear Hijab. A sister who does not truly know the superiority of Hijab will always remain envious of the women of the Kufar. Why? Because they see these misguided women looking beautiful for all to see. Hence, the Muslim woman then compares herself to that woman which causes her to feel ashamed of her own Hijab.

    Therefore, what follows is a reminder for my sisters in Islam. It is a reminder of the true status of these so-called beautiful women. It is a reminder that Hijab will always reign supreme and that the true man (i.e. the Muslim man), will forever be dazzled by the beauty of the Muhijabah (woman who wears the Hijab).
    Some Excellent Qualities of Those Who Wear Hijab

    Al-Hamdulilah, it is well known that the Muslim woman is a creature of Hayaa (modesty). Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala loves for our Muslim women to be shielded by their Hijab. It is their outer protection from the decadence of this life. Allah’s Messenger sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam has said:

    “Verily! Allah is Hayaa (modest, bashful) & Sitteer (i.e. the One Who Shields – from disobedient acts). He loves Hayaa (i.e. He loves for one to practice modesty and bashfulness) and Siter (shielding; covering).” [Collected by Abu Dawud; An-Nissa’ee; Al-Baihaqee; Ahmad; & in Saheeh An-Nissa’ee]

    Thus, as possessing Hayaa is a quality that is beloved by Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala our sisters must feel comfort in knowing that they have this Hayaa and not the women who show themselves to the world; hence, such women will not be shielded from Allah’s subhanahu wa ta’ala Wrath. Allah’s Messenger (SAWS) said:
    “Any woman who takes off her clothes in other than her husband’s home (to show off for unlawful purposes), has broken Allah’s shield upon her.” [Collected by Abu Dawud & At-Tirmidhi]

    Therefore, we see that the Hijab of the Muslim woman has a quality that comprises Hayaa (modesty). Hayaa is what proceeds from Iman (belief). That is why when Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala commands the women to observe Hijab, Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala says:
    “And tell the believing women…” [Surah An-Nur 24:31]
    Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala also says:
    “…And the women of the believers…” [Surah Al-Ahzab 33:59]
    Furthermore, Allah’s Messenger sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said:
    “Al-Hayaa (modesty & bashfulness) is from Imam (belief) and Imam is in Al-Jannah (the Paradise).” [At-Tirmidhi - Saheeh]
    He sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam also said:
    “Hayaa (modesty and bashfulness) and Imam (belief) are fully associated together, if one is lifted the other follows suit.” [Narrated by ‘Abd Allah bin ‘Umar; related by Al-Haakim in his "Mustadrak"]
    My dear sisters in Islam, know that these women who beautify themselves for the world to see possess no Hayaa; thus, they are void of any Iman. Instead of looking to the latest fashion models for guidance, you, my dear sisters, must look to the wives of the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. Look at the extreme amount of Hayaa that ‘Aisha bint Abu Bakr (RA) possessed even in the presence of the deceased:
    ‘Aisha (RA) said: “I used to enter the room where the Messenger of Allah sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam and my father (Abu Bakr) were later buried in without having my garment on me, saying it is only my husband and my father. But when ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattab (RA) was later buried in (the same place), I did not enter the room except that I had my garment on being shy from ‘Umar.” [As-Simt Ath’ameen Fee Maniqib Ummahat Ul-Mu’mineen by Ibn As-Sakir. Al-Haakim brings a similar narration which he says is "good according the conditions of Imaam Bukhari and Imaam Muslim"]

    My dear sister in Islam, I know that it is quite difficult for you to go out wearing Hijab in a society that mocks and torments you. I know that you, indeed, feel strange and out of place. However, if you knew the status of those who are mocked by the Kufar as well as the status of the strangers, you will continue to wear your Hijab (i.e. to cover your entire body with a Khimar as commanded (24:31), as well as with a Jilbab (33:59), with the exception of the hands and face; however, knowing the recommendation to cover those parts (as well) with dignity. Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala says in His Book:

    “Verily! (During the worldly life) those who committed crimes used to laugh at those who believed. And whenever they passed by them, used to wink one to another (in mockery); And when they returned to their own people, they would return jesting; and when they saw them, they said: ‘Verily! These have indeed gone astray!’ But they (disbelievers, sinners) had not been sent as watchers over them (the believers). But on this Day (the Day of Resurrection) those who believe will laugh at the disbelievers. On (high) thrones, looking (at all things). Are not the disbelievers paid (fully) for what they used to do?” [Surah Al-Mutaffifin 83:29-36]
    Allah’s subhanahu wa ta’ala words should serve as a support for you my dear sisters. Also, take comfort in being a stranger among these lewd and sinful women. Allah’s Messenger sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said:
    “Islam began as something strange, and it would revert to its (old position) of being strange, so good tidings for the strangers.” [Narrated by Abu Huraira and Reported Saheeh Muslim]

    As-Sufoor and It’s Characteristics
    As-Sufoor means to expose or to un-cover. Therefore, instead of practicing the Hijab (covering), the women of the Kufar practice As-Sufoor. As-Sufoor is sinful as it leads to At-Tabarooj (i.e. to make a dazzling display of oneself). Displaying oneself is a attribute of one who is Jaheel (ignorant). Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala says:
    “And stay in your houses and do not display yourselves (At-Tabarooj) like that of the times of ignorance…” [Surah Al-Ahzab 33:33]
    Allah’s Messenger sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said:
    “The best of your women is the affectionate, the fertile (in productivity), the propitious (favorable), the consultative if they fear Allah. The most evil of your women are the Mutabar’rijat (those who do At-Tabarooj), the Mutakhayelat (who strut/swagger), and they are the hypocrites. Those who enter Al-Jannah (the Paradise) are like the Cough Crow.” [Al-Baihaqi in his "As-Sunan"]
    My dear sisters in Islam, we see from the above Ayah and Hadith that displaying oneself is indeed Haram. Further, it is a quality of the most evil of women! Therefore, do not be envious of the women of the Kufar. They only have this life to enjoy while the believing women will have Al-Jannah. There is nothing in your Hijab whatsoever to be ashamed of as it is the garment of the righteous and pious female slaves of Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. In order to truly show you how evil those women who make As-Sufoor and At-Tabarooj are, let us ponder over the following statement of Allah’s Messenger sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam:
    “Of the people of Hell there are two types whom I have never seen, the one possessing whips like the tail of an Ox and they flog people with them. The second one, women who would be naked in spite of their being dressed, who are seduced (to wrong paths) and seduce others. Their hair is high like the humps (of camels). These women would not get into Al-Jannah (the Paradise) and they would not perceive its odor, although its fragrance can be perceived from such and such a distance.” [Saheeh Muslim]

    Sisters in Islam, these women who practice At-Tabarooj are common among us today. These are women that even the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam did not see! Look around you and you will see those women who are clothed but naked! Look at the hair styles of the women who practice At-Tabarooj – are they not high like the camel’s hump? My dear sister, perhaps we are the first generation since the time of the Prophet Adam (AS) to witness such women. If one ponders over photos taken thirty to forty years ago, one will see that the women of the Kufar did not make At-Tabarooj as their offspring do today. These are women who will be in the Hell Fire, save Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala has mercy upon them by guiding them to Islam! Thus, how can you envy them? My brothers, how can you desire them over your creature of Hayaa? These filthy women will not even smell the fragrance of Paradise. This Hadith also shows us that what the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam came with (i.e. the Qur’an and the Sunnah) is the Haqq (truth)! This is a prophecy that has come to pass in front of our very eyes. Hence, will we continue to envy these evil women or be grateful to our Lord for your Hijab which brings Hayaa?

    Whatever I have written that is true is from Allah alone while anything that is false is from myself and shaytan. Subhanaka Allahummah wa bihamdika, ash hadu an la illaha illa anta, astaghfiruka wa atuboo ilayk

    • Thank you yet again for uplifting my spirits with such a relevant article and sound advice.Allah bless you and keep you in his protection always and may you always remain a source of light for others!You are in my prayers always.

  27. As-salam-alaikum my little sis...i am feeling quite low (by mood within)...please pray for me.

    however, i happen to read a post on web, so sharing with you too.

    A women's real story and hijab

    "My body is my own business."
    ---------Ms.Naheed Mustafa

    MULTICULTURAL VOICES
    A Canadian-born Muslim woman has taken to wearing the traditional hijab scarf. It tends to make people see her as either a terrorist or a symbol of oppressed womanhood, but she finds the experience liberating.
    I often wonder whether people see me as a radical, fundamentalist Muslim terrorist packing an AK-47 assault rifle inside my jean jacket. Or may be they see me as the poster girl for oppressed womanhood everywhere. I'm not sure which it is.
    I get the whole gamut of strange looks, stares, and covert glances. You see, I wear the hijab, a scarf that covers my head, neck, and throat. I do this because I am a Muslim woman who believes her body is her own private concern.
    Young Muslim women are reclaiming the hijab, reinterpreting it in light of its original purpose -- to give back to women ultimate control of their own bodies.
    The Qur'an teaches us that men and women are equal, that individuals should not be judged according to gender, beauty, wealth, or privilege. The only thing that makes one person better than another is her or his character.
    Nonetheless, people have a difficult time relating to me. After all, I'm young, Canadian born and raised, university-educated -- why would I do this to myself, they ask.
    Strangers speak to me in loud, slow English and often appear to be playing charades. They politely inquire how I like living in Canada and whether or not the cold bothers me. If I'm in the right mood, it can be very amusing.
    But, why would I, a woman with all the advantages of a North American upbringing, suddenly, at 21, want to cover myself so that with the hijab and the other clothes I choose to wear, only my face and hands show?
    Because it gives me freedom.
    WOMEN are taught from early childhood that their worth is proportional to their attractiveness. We feel compelled to pursue abstract notions of beauty, half realizing that such a pursuit is futile.
    When women reject this form of oppression, they face ridicule and contempt. Whether it's women who refuse to wear makeup or to shave their legs, or to expose their bodies, society, both men and women, have trouble dealing with them.
    In the Western world, the hijab has come to symbolize either forced silence or radical, unconscionable militancy. Actually, it's neither. It is simply a woman's assertion that judgment of her physical person is to play no role whatsoever in social interaction.
    Wearing the hijab has given me freedom from constant attention to my physical self. Because my appearance is not subjected to public scrutiny, my beauty, or perhaps lack of it, has been removed from the realm of what can legitimately be discussed.
    No one knows whether my hair looks as if I just stepped out of a salon, whether or not I can pinch an inch, or even if I have unsightly stretch marks. And because no one knows, no one cares.
    Feeling that one has to meet the impossible male standards of beauty is tiring and often humiliating. I should know, I spent my entire teen-age years trying to do it. It was a borderline bulimic and spent a lot of money I didn't have on potions and lotions in hopes of becoming the next Cindy Crawford.
    The definition of beauty is ever-changing; waifish is good, waifish is bad, athletic is good -- sorry, athletic is bad. Narrow hips? Great. Narrow hips? Too bad.
    Women are not going to achieve equality with the right to bear their breasts in public, as some people would like to have you believe. That would only make us party to our own objectification. True equality will be had only when women don't need to display themselves to get attention and won't need to defend their decision to keep their bodies to themselves.

    Naheed Mustafa graduated from the University of Toronto in 1992 with an honours degree in political and history. She is currently studying journalism at Ryerson Polytechnic University

    • Sis, please do not feel low, don't let the world bring you down.No sin, no matter how horrendous, that you could ever possibly reveal could make me think of you as a 'bad' person.Think of these chapters or mistakes as a tool to bring you closer to Allah.Allah is simply reminding us that our sole refuge lies with Him, and our final salvation as well.I know that I am a much better,stronger,sharper and God fearing individual today because of the test Allah put me through, and it really got me setting my priorites straight.I used to have a childish,carefree attitude towards life, but not so now.Now, before every move I make I try to think 'What would Allah think?'.

  28. sorry submitted an incomplete comment.Sis, EVERYONE sins.NO HUMAN IS FREE OF SIN.Not even our prophets, wonderful examples of righteousness as they were, were completely free from sin.But what sets a sinner free?repentance.And you are repenting plenty.Not only repenting, but increasing your Islamic knowledge and passing it on to others in need.So sis, even if your posts, when published were to reveal that you were in a haraam relationship with the entire ,male population of the subcontinent (God forbid!), I would still revere and honour you the same as my caring,wonderful sister in Islam who helped me when I was down and I'm sure that every one who you have helped with your advice would think the same!So there!Now cheer up and pray to Allah for all your blessings and be optimistic and insha'Allah good things will come your way sooner then you can say 'A repenter Muslimah' :)!!!!
    P.S thank you for the wonderful article.My respect for purdah grows more and more with each article you send!

  29. My dear little sister,

    i dont know what to say, tears fell down as i read your 'kind' and 'healing' words.

    I am really struggling within due to the emotional hurts & loneliness i have had. For the first time in life, i have opened up myself (on this site) as I want to be on right path and though i know my wrongs and rights to be done but i still need someone to listen to me and i wish to hear those words from others.

    Though I have realized that Allah is the sole provider of comfort and mental peace. if you are close to him, you dont need anything, anyone. That's why I have started to pray regularly, will be learning recitation of holy Quran soon and i do dhikr a lot during the day and before going to bed.

    It has really helped me a lot in taking me out of my depression but i am yet to normalize my state of mind for the reasons 1. Family( still too much differences, arguments on small small things. i have had tried my possible best to reconcile relations but i have failed but i am still trying my best but sometimes this makes me too much stressful and angry (within) 2. Since i have been ignorant about Islam, now when i am trying to learn and practice about it, shaitani whispers are troubling me so much that i am at no peace (from within) 3. I am trying to come over the guilt i have got on my soul but i have a long long way to go.

    i find some comfort being on this site and it really brings me happiness and some sort of relief when i see someone got on right path, especially in conditions similar to mine. Last week only, a girl who was in somewhat similar conditions as mine, she already had many responses but i shared mine too and i was so concerned for her that i even asked her to let us inform about her decision and i got her message that she has decided to leave that relation and be with parents and close to Allah(Swt). I felt immense pleasure knowing it.

    i would request you to please share the improvements( any thought or habit etc) you are doing in terms of Islam, so i may also learn and practice the same.

    Please do lots of dua for me.

    your sister.

  30. Sis, let me share with you some of my views about right or wrong (I'm not sure if they are Islamically correct or not, so please forgive me if I unintentionally say something to hurt anyone's religious sensibilities, I'm just sharing my personal philosophy).View no.1:No one is perfect.No body is above sin.Except for Allah.Therefore NOBODY, and I mean NO BODY has the right to judge some one else.I have many friends who have made choices in life,which seemed to me to be self destructive, and I would scold them and try to counsel them but never, ever have I judged them, even in my inner most thoughts.Because I knew that life can put the most righteous person into the most unexpected situation at any time, 'so do unto others as you would be done by yourself'.View no.2 :I know that a lot of people would disagree with me, but from childhood I have always felt that the greatest sins are the ones which involve hurting people.For example, a woman who has a haraam relationship or even commits zina in a moment of weakness (and then sincerely repents to Allah), but who is sweet,helpful,kind,sincere and humane to other people is a much lesser sinner, than a woman who has kept her self chaste, but is always mean,nasty,judgemental,gossipy and backbiting about others, in my point of view, because the former has only sinned against herself but the latter spread so much evil, hatred and hypocrisy in the world!!(i apologize if others dont agree,and I am in no way condoning haraam relationships,its just the way I see things).View no.3 Sister, I think the biggest way one can serve Islam and better oneself, is to be kind to others.Not only to parents and relatives and friends,but to everyone you meet.Greet every one with a salaam.Ask about their health.Listen to their problems, and offer a kind word, even if you cannot help directly.Speak politely to everyone, even when aggravated.Do not backbite.Do not gossip.Do not take advantage of others.Show the world, that Islam is not a religion of rigidity or suppression, as so often portrayed by the media.Islam is kindness.Islam is humanity.EVERYTHING else comes after this.
    Sister I can empathize with the fact that it must be hell, going through all the guilt and heartbreak alone.Superimpose that with your family issues..I cant even imagine the pain.But sis, keep on the way you are going, praying to Allah,being closer to him, learning more about Islam and sharing your knowledge with others and I promise you,very soon your current pain will just be a memory.Maybe it would never really go away, but it will decrease very soon to the point where you can live with it peacefully and be a wiser person because of it.And remember 'this world is but a fleeting dream' and you will surely be rewarded in the hereafter for bearing with your hardships with such fortitude and self awareness.Many people die without even being aware of their past mistakes, so be happy that Allah granted you the gift of self awareness.Just keep thinking of the rewards of Jannat.Maybe you and me can even meet up there and enjoy the rivers of milk and honey together, eh? :-) (insha'Allah!). Please do not let your past mistakes define you.They do not define you at all.Let them be a stepping stone towards a better you.You are not a bad girl.You are wonderful.And if I know it without having even met you,you should know it too.I hope I helped you some more sis.I really want to see you happy.

  31. I could never be those girls who flaunt themselves to attract boys nor i liked letting boys chasing you. I always kept healthy distance from boys and tried not to have any (female) friends who were into boyfriend making business. I left my best friends for this reasons. I always had wanted to love only one man whom I would marry. while waiting for my man, I resisted many many years and even rejected ( to be girlfriend) proposals put up by some boys. I used to feel very dull and alone at times but I resisted thinking my family would find my man or he would come to me some day.

    But as a matter of fact, being isolated from relatives and living in non muslim area, my parents could not do anything in this regard. I am thankful to my parents (who were not highly educated but) let me have higher education & work but whatever proposal came were either of greedy people or of down grade– not matching with financial status, education, profession (we had no high expectations but basics only) but nothing fruitful happened. My urge to have someone grew but i resisted.

    During this, one of my friend brought me a proposal to marry her brother in law. She said her family and the guy has liked me. I asked her to take it to my family. They visited my family but it did not work because of our simple living style atmosphere(no grand house/high standard life style etc).My hope of getting married shattered but i held on.

    I tried to help myself using a matrimonial site about which you already know how it went.

    After some time, my father fell severely sick and during his treatment, I met a doctor who was Muslim - posed to be very religious and pious. I was so impressed from his religious disguise that I turned to be religious offering prayers regularly ( I STILL REMEMBER OFFERING SALAH IN 104 FEVER). During hospital visits, he took care of my father and won his heart, we also started talking formally during visits & on phone too. I felt he was showing interest in me but i did not react and remained formal. One day, he requested to meet so I met him at a public place thinking that he might propose me for marriage. But here came another shock of my life- what he wanted was to have physical relation - he offered me to be his girl friend! I was shocked and asked if he really likes me then why cant he marry me. He said that he cant marry me because he belongs to a very conservative family but he cannot resist me. He thought that I would fall for him for his good looks and high profession. But it was not so, I scolded him like anything and broke all contacts with him.

    Between, it is pertinent to mention that i was an obedient daughter to my parents. But as i grew, i started to have issues with my parents. My mother has superiority complex. When i tried to raise my voice against their flaws and faults (for example, how my mother used to have favourtism among us sibling(which resulted in sibling rivalry. But this resulted in distance with them. The frustration my parents and i had made walls between us. I have always felt misfit in the family(i still do) and longed for emotional pampering so, i got desperate to get married so i can have a family of my own.

    Soon all my friends got married & they used to ask same question when i will getting married, this made me to leave all my friends. All relatives started back biting about me. I had not wanted myself to be tempted so i did not make any new friends nor experimented with marriage hunt at my own. But my loneliness grew deeper inside and another shock was waiting for me.

    One of my old good friend(old classmate as well neighbour) was a male but always respected me and was like a brother figure to me & was married to my classmate. I must clear here that we never ever had any love angle between us and both our family knew about our pure friendship. He knew my situation, I was going through depression, he had wanted to bring me out of it,he tried to make me understand about harsh reality of life, ( At least i hope that with good intention) he started talking to me over fon couple of times in a day & meeting me sometimes. This lasted for a couple of weeks. Then all of a sudden, he started ignoring- no calls, no meeting, I well accepted it thinking he has his own life and business but when he didn't talk for quite some time, I wondered and called him to say a casual hello but then he gave me a shock saying that he has been thinking about me all the time & he cant see me in pain and for this reason, he was trying to avoid me. This is one of greatest and biggest shock I ever had. I always counted him as true friend. I instantly broke my contacts not just with him but his family too. He tried to talk/meet me later but i didn't respond. But this brought me in immense depression and even once planned to commit suicide.

    But my innocent parents/siblings could not understand what i was going through. They were rather more bother about my marriage as I had turned 25+ and my younger sister who had turned 23 was in line for marriage. My parents soon turn cold to me due to my not getting married and our usual differences. I felt dejected and left alone- even by my parents and i had no one to turn to!

    In between, one of my senior colleague (whom i used to avoid as he has dirty eyes) offered me to marry his step son who was 10-12 older and divorcee. He said his son is wealthy, what else do you need! Though I rejected it straightaway because his son was immoral too. But getting such proposal, this really pained me within.Since i could never fit in my family and i put all my hopes of a better future in marriage but not getting so , i used to get thoughts to suicide but I did not reminding myself that suicide is haram in islam.

    In a state of depression, I all of sudden decided to visit a tourist destination which was located in my branch office in another city. I took permission from my parents and went there with my sister. In my branch office, I met a guy (9 years older and not handsome as such)and we instantly felt a connection. I was not a girl who would fall easily for anyone. But he had something which won my heart, i tried resisting him as i have for years but I don’t know how I felt as if he was sent by God to me. We had formal meetings and i returned but we started talking over fon as friends. Soon I felt I have fallen in love with him & i told him and he too admitted it. But his being Non Muslim, marriage was not possible but I thought I would invite him towards Islam and then we would get married. My sister knew about it all but alas! Inspite of being elder and married, she did not guided me (now i think perhaps, reason that she was herself ignorant in Islam & was emotionally shattered due to her divorce and she was seeing me happy for the first time in life).

    In couple of months, he visited my city (a surprise visit- he called me & asked to meet his friend who was new to my city and need some help) & i happened to meet him,and we were alone for the first time (you can call me either too innocent or foolish but it didn't strike to my mind that there could be physical intimacy between us, actually the thought or idea of physical intimacy between us never came to me as such - neither at this time nor otherwise) and he touched me. I got freezed & could not do anything and this resulted in zina ( i didn't have much knowledge about sex, also when he touched me, i was lost in making prayer (seeking forgiveness from Allah if I am doing something wrong and i prayed to make this man as Muslim and my husband ) that i didnt feel what and how he did it- i even didn't realize i did Zina), without my intention of it. I cried a lot later feeling guilty. I don't know why i became weak and submissive to him. i shared this with my elder sister but she merely consoled me and again no guidance.

    Then to overcome guilty, I thought I should turn him to Islam and be married to him, since we were in long distance relationship, i used to send him articles about islam, even discussed over fon too but time passed by and nothing fruitful happened as such.

    Then i learnt from him that he has taken a vow -never get married for sake of his elder sister who sacrificed her life for the house and remained unmarried. Still i thought that i might win him. Though inspite of realizing somewhere vaguely that I had got on wrong path, I could not turn back for three reasons 1. my love for him 2. my hope to get married to him once i convert him. 3. He had said many a times that he has been betrayed by many Muslims and i shouldn't be among them.

    During this, i joined a social networking site and i became friends to a group of people who were of different age. we used to discuss politics, general issues, some funny too but NO DIRTY TALKS. i informed my man about it and he was okay with it. A boy of young age (as he claimed) joined our group and he used to talk to all including me too. Initially he was friendly but then tried to propose to me. i cut off my contacts with him and informed other members too about him. i was on verge to leave that social networking site, but in between, my man thought checked my mail account and misunderstood i was going astray(cheating on him). we almost broke up right then but i tried to explain him everything and to prove my loyalty , i took oath of my eemaan that i will not join any such site ever again in my life. he stated that he has forgiven me and we again continued.

    After some time, he got vitiligo and he used to say that he got this because of me- the mental agony and stress i caused him being on social networking site! This put me in such a guilt that i started loving him more and i started doing things he had wanted, may there were against my taste, interest or choice.

    Soon he shifted to my city and we started having frequent meetings and then i gradually realized that apart from love & philosophy of life , we have nothing in common as such. He was a slave of rules and principles and not to forgive type person, we started having many small to big fights but i used to be submissive often so we continued together. But like me, he too had wanted to have a family of own and kids, but he was okay to have a live in kind relationship, whereas i had wanted to marry him. Sometimes he even casually said to me that I should marry some Muslim.

    I used to think that Allah has blessed me with him and it is my duty to turn him to Islam as he was a good man otherwise. I have never been a materialistic girl but i longed for emotional love & care which i never received in my life and i was emotionally pampered by him (he loved & cared for me like a mother) but a self realization started coming to me that i am getting sunk in sea of sins & a frustrating thought frequently started coming to me- he knows that we can be together only if he converts into Muslim, then why he cant just do it for my sake, for my love. I realized that i wont be able to change his mind but i also could not leave him.

    The more i give in, the less it seemed. I must say that he too changed himself (in general things) only. I did things against my will, taste, or interest just to please him but it didnt bring any fruitful result. It seemed 'honeymoon period' was over. Our expectations from each other resulted into distance with each other. Hundred of things happened between us which wider our distance. He started keeping distance from me first physically, then emotionally & started ignoring me. one day, he said that he wants peace in his life and and we should part ways. He listed me my faults( like not a good cook, i could not satisfy his physical needs the way he desired, that i am not responsible, i have no fitness, i often do things that irritate him, that i don't value his love; AND all this is affecting his health.)I cried like anything but still being blinded in love, i thought that all faults is with me and my efforts to make it work are not strong enough yet, so i left saying that I would try to improve myself and if i fail, i would go away from his life. I had words from him " dont keep any hopes". I thought he uttered these words in anger. I was hoping to be with him again in couple of months and I even started working on my faults (but within somewhere i felt a kind of relief and freedom but i was not ready to admit it to myself) simultaneously, i started realizing what I have been to – the gravity of my sins- how I used to be, how I became. I finally realized that he had actually broken up with me right then on that day and there was no way back to him- even if i go to him. Its over!

    I retrospected my life and realized how in my 'futile' efforts or 'false' hopes of turning him to Islam and be married, got me away from my deen, whereas he continued practicing his religion and lived his life as per his belief & rules. I realized that may he truly loves me, so i do, but that's not enough in life- Love is just a part of life NOT life . This opened my eyes but also brought me into biggest shock and depression of my life. Though i have started realizing that actually Allah (swt) saved me from continuing my sins. But feeling guilty, I felt I have become impure and my sins are too grave to be forgiven. I feel i have turned psycho, i lost interest in life, i stopped talking much to people, left watching TV/ listening to music, having sleepless nights, crying all the time, short tempered, absent from work, thinking to die, I even curse my self and sometimes unintentionally even god (Astaghfirrulah) that why he let my life to turn out this way. I could not share this pain and guilt with anyone. I emotionally shattered and I am in same state till now.

    Believe me, all my life, i loved people around me from family to friends and tried to follow moral values in all aspects of life. People around, call me sensible, honest , loving and caring girl. All i had wanted is to love only one man and be married to him. How i got into this haram relationship, i still have no idea. this love life of mine (all thanks to almighy Allah (swt)) has been a secret. I have been an ideal for my niece/nephews/at work but how & when i turn into evil, i didn't even realize it and this is what killing me. when someone praises me, i feel like to shout and tell how filthy i have been.

    Though now i have decided not to go back to him ever and nor i am going to inform him about it. But biggest guiltful thought i get is that i am realizing it all/turning to Allah when he abandoned me. I did not break up first from my side!!! It’s been 5 months now that I am struggling within and not in touch with him. I have started offering my salah regularly now (this was my first Ramadan that i kept all my fasts and offered all 5 times prayers without miss) and learning about Islam again at my own and trying to be at peace and wish to repent sincerely but the guilt is killing me and the emotional loneliness is also shattering me, also i am having a continuous fight with Shaitani thoughts about my past and my deen. I have been teaching my young generation (niece/nephew etc) about Ilsam and Masha-allah, my elder sister and nieces have started offering Salah. I have been trying my best to have a strong connection with Allah (swt) and working to have peaceful relations with my parents, siblings and people in general. but I have following questions, seeking answers to them-
    1. How to get rid of the guilt I have within for doing haram things? Sometimes, i find myself putting the blame to Allah (swt)(Astaghfirullah) why he not guided me about him/and my parents for being not to get a groom for me/ dislike for my elder sister who could not guided me/those guys who instead of marrying me, played with my emotions?
    2. One thought troubles me that I have turned to Allah, when my lover abandoned me, its not I who realized timely and broke with him. I often this thought that I am a hypocrite who is now trying to hide under Islam etc. This brings immense guilt to me and i feel like to kill myself.
    3. A thought comes to me that Allah (Swt) filled in him some sort of hatred for me, so he left me, so i could be on right path or he was a loving but selfish person who cut me from his life when he couldnt change me into the way he desired? Was he a genuine person or self centered?
    4. Since I have committed zina many a times in this relationship, I would not ever marry anyone else now. How to be at peace being alone and lonely in terms of sexual desires, which sometimes trouble me out of blue moon?
    5. Its regarding breaking the promise/taken oath/vow- i took not to be on any social or other networking site.But now I feel that since I was in a haram relationship, the promises given to him turn to be invalid and if I am seeking Islamic guidance/knowledge or trying to help a Muslim brother/sister in the light of Islam (like on this site) , then there is nothing wrong about it. But I am not sure about it. Am i right or should i have to pay any Kaffara for this? ( If I am doing wrong as per taken oath ,then it would be my last communication on internet)
    6. We had gifted many things to each other time to time. So, there are hundred of things i have which he gifted to me. What to do about it all? Its not possible for me to donate it all or just throw away. For example, a car- which i told my family that i have bought on installment but actually he had paid for it (I must mention that he bought it in my name and he himself does not own any car). I used to pick/ drop him, otherwise, he uses pubic transport. i dont feel like to use it now but have to considering family. Secondly, he had deposited some money in my account (as he did for his sister and parents). i feel guilty of having such things with me (please note that i had never wanted them but he insisted and gifted). I feel guilty that i should not keep it all with me, especially these two things. But then, i don't wish to communicate/ meeting him now at all for this. I get an idea that i should send back money to him through cheque/cash but about car, since he lives in a rented apartment and it will not be possible for him to keep car at his end due to space constraint/ landlord/his family. I also feel afraid that this give & take business will merely cause more pain to both of us, especially to me. But my moral values are not allowing to keep or use such things. Hence i am confused what to do with such things?
    7. I always have loved my parents and always respected them & served them to my best capacity. I am still trying hard to get close to them but the wall is not mending. The biggest obstacle is my younger sister (who is leading an non islamic haram life in all aspects since her teenage hence i am not in good terms with her)who back bites about me to my mother, she even emotionally blackmails my mother that because of me, she could not get married. She does her best to cause bitterness between me and my mother. All my siblings ill treated my parents in one way or other but i tried to be good to them to my possible best but it is so disheartening to hear from them that their all kids are same, they don't find any difference among them. Now if i dont like something about my parents (any thought/action/reaction) about anything. i keep mum- finding it better to respect them than trying to make them understand/arguing and displease them. But on this, they say that i dont like to talk to my parents etc. I cant fool them around nor i can be cold towards them like my siblings have had done but still why my love is not reciprocated by them is beyond my understanding.
    8. Today i am still all alone, no friends, no emotional support from parents( I always have felt thankful to them for educating me/ giving me the freedom to work but due to differences/favourtism game played by my mother, there has been times that i felt hatred for my parents but now i have forgiven them and try to be good to them ). In my office, I have my own cabin and i dont talk to colleagues unless required and i go home after work. I have left watching TV/ Music,reading Novels as they are full of romance/vulgar. I learn daily duas and try to recite them throughout the day, so ,i somehow pass my day but i feel uneasy and lonely in the evening and i feel scare to go to my room in night. i have tried to sleep early but i couldn't. i have no healthy lifestyle now. when i think of fitness - it reminds me of him (he always had wanted me to fit)and i question myself why do I need it. i should become ugly and faty! i am struggling within, but i have planned to learn recitation of holy Quran again for time being. But i need guidance and please know that whatever knowledge i have got till date is more from Internet only. it is my source of knowledge/guidance and time pass.
    sorry for such long questions .For the first time in my life, I have opened my life, i know one should keep it secret but i want to improve myself and be on right path and get rid of negative/shaitani thoughts. I am concerned with especially point no 1, 5 , & 6. May Allah forgive me if I have broken that oath by submitting this question on an internet forum.

    • Salam Sister "Pure soul"

      Oh sister don't be hard on yourself. You have been through a hell of a lot! I felt really upset reading your story and can totally understand where you are coming from.

      The first thing that I noticed is that your parents did not give you the love, attention and protection every daughter son deserves. I can never understand why parents treat their children this way! It is partly your parents fault that you have been through these emotional tragedies. because of not having that love and security from family members you searched for that love from outsiders and potential husbands who all had their own agendas and only wanted to use you. You have been betrayed over and over again. It is really sad that a person can appear so nice on the outside yet they are hypocrites and are the worst people! It is really hard to trust anyone in this world. Everyone is just out for themselves.

      1) You know we all are sinners. I have done things which I am not proud of. Only our phrophet SAW was a perfect muslim with no sins. Sister whatever sins we commit we cannot blame Allah. We are masters of our decisions. However sometimes circumstances can lead people to sin. there are many boys and girls in your situation or worse, where the family are treating them badly so they turn to sin to forget about their problems. But MashAllah you had pure intentions. You just wanted some love and acceptance and wanted to make it halal eventually. But once you take the first steps to sin such as dating then it becomes so easy for shaitaan to lure you into bigger sins. That's why Allah warns us to stay away from anything leading to zina. (Sister please do not think I am scolding you, I am just trying to explain how easy it is to fall in this trap!) sometimes when we don't follow Islam we create our own destruction! Then we cannot blame Allah. I often think why did my husband leave me and why have I lost everything? who's fault is it? But I had a part to play in this too. I should have followed the rights and duties of the husband and wife. I should have let him earn and feed me. I should not have given him a penny. That way at least I would have been financially secure today. There are many things that I think if I followed Islam properly that it wouldn't have been so bad. I would have been in a better place. But their is no way to turn the clock back!

      Sister although you committed sins you had pure intentions which you just carried out in the wrong way. You just wanted a loving kind husband. Which is every girls dream. You held onto him with so much hope to bring you out of the dark and take you to the bright side, and when the opposite happens it is just so heartbroeaking. What he did was bad and only Allah knows his reasons. There is no way you could have prevented his decision all you can do is just accept that this was not meant to be.

      There is no point asking the why's and if's because we will not get any answers. We will just go crazy. You relized your mistake and now look Allha has bought you closer to the deen. Maybe Allah even saved you from this man. Just imagine you ended up marrying him after he declared the shahada and then 10 years later he reverts back to his original religion! Then things would be a million times worse. When you are married with kids its much more harder to break up. So just think that whatever happened was for the best. All you can do now is sinserely repent to Allah now. Keep praying to Allah and begging for forgiveness. Which you are already doing! You are already such a pius person with so much goodness which shines through in your words. Mistakes and hardships only make us more stronger and wiser. also bringing us closer to Allah. There are people who done so much bad things but do not regret one minute. But you feel so guilty about it. This is a good thing, this shows to Allah how much you regret it and how sincere you are. But don't linger on it too long.

      Just forget about what happened in the past like a bad dream. I know its easier said then done. Do not disclose your sins to anyone. Your sins are between you and Allah, noone else need know about it. Nobody else has the right to judge you about it! You know you are a good person at heart and with your intentions and everyone knows that. So that is a fact! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Just forget about the rainy days and concentrate on the sunny days ahead!

      2) You are not hiding under Islam. Maybe this was Allahs way of saving you from further harm. Most people turn to Allah when something bad happens in their life. Its just normal. Now you have become so knowlegeble and you are helping others. I think before you were hiding behind that guy, who you thought would protect you and give you happiness but he was the deciever. But now you have truly come out of hiding and seen the light in Islam Masha Allah sister. I pray that I could be more religous like you. I am sure Allah counts our actions and intentions. Even if we say a kind word to someone we are rewarded so how can you be a hypocrite when you are doing so much to help everyone around you and learn about Islam.

      3) Only Allah knows sister why he has left you. Maybe he was a good person maybe he was bad. Maybe he had problems. You will never know sister. So there is no point dwelling on it. even I kept asking my husband many time why did you cheat on me ? why are you taking drugs? why why why? But he gave me no answer. Even he doesn't know. Just don't think about the ifs and the whys sister it will just depress you further. Of course he was not good for you in the first place as he was non muslim. And of course he was a bad person who promised you so much and then left you. Even many muslim men do that too. Its really hard to trust men these days.

      4) I can understand how you feel sis with the loneliness. I feel so lonely too when my kids go to bed as I am divorced. I want that special someone to hold me and love me and cuddle me. But I feel that after what I have been through I can't trust another men and also don't want it to go wrong again with my kids involved. I try to keep myself busy with work. friends and family. But sister Alhamdulliah you are single. You have your whole life ahead of you. You can have any muslim men you want. As the saying goes there are plenty more fish in the sea. Somewhere some place a charming prince is waiting for a beautiful loving pious muslima like you. why are you depriving yourself of having a life partner and a family just because of some bad life experiences. Sister If I was in your position I would look for a pious muslim guy to marry. Who says you can't marry just because of one mistake. I have seen many girls and boys who have had many boyfriends and girlfriends and then they turned good and married a pious person. They are now so happy. So sister leave your past in the past. You are still as innocent as ever nothing has changed. Its only your perception. If Allah forgives you then you have not sinned so why should it matter. Please look for a good muslim brother to marry and please do not disclose your past. Since your parents are no help. Ask friends and people at the local mosque to keep an eye out. And now you are much wiser and religious so you will be cautious and have learnt from your prevoise mistakes and will not tread on the same stones. Do not look for a life partner as your goal in life, but a part of your life. When you put all your love and hope into one person and they do not return the same it is devastating! so just love, trust and hope from Allah alone then you will never be hurt.

      5) The oath does not matter as you are not with him anyway sister. This chapter of your life is closed, finnished. But I am not 100% sure islamically. But you are not sinning so why should it matter?

      6) You need to get him out of your mind. So if these things remind you of him the discard them or dispose them ASAP. For example you could sell the car and buy another one. Take the money out of the account and give to charity. You do not need to give it back to him because it was a gift!

      7) I feel so bad for you that your parents are treating you this way. Maybe they have problems in their life that's why they are taking it out on you because you are the good one who keeps quite! Sometimes I used to shout at my kids because I was angry with other things in my life. I stopped myself now Allhamdullilah as I relized how much I am effecting them and hurting them. But some parents never realize.! You are such an angel of a daughter as you are being kind to them even though they are not being nice. Just think of it this way. You are not losing anything by being nice to them but getting rewarded. As we have to treat outr parents with love and kindness and respect. It is extremely challenging to treat parents with love and kindness when they treat us badly. But you are victorious in this challenge. You are only gaining in every way as your parents know in their hearts that you are a good daughter but they are showing a different front. You will be rewarded by Allah for your efforts. Life is challenging. It is very easy to fall into sin but is is very hard to keep on the straight path. I read somewhere that every time we experience some pain or hardship some of our sins are forgiven. So your efforts are not wasted sister. Keep striving. Oneday when you get married Insha Allah your parents will then realize your worth!

      • Sister Pure Soul,

        I Think you should speak to your mum when she is alone and in a good mood and explain to her how you are feeling. have a heart to heart with her. even if you have to cry then cry. Tell her exactly how you feel. Have a heart to heart with your sister too. Try to get close to her. Be her friend. Talk to her about your life and work etc. Step by step try to create that closeness between you.

        I have realized something after a long time. I always thought if I be good I will also get good thing in life and people will treat me well too. How wrong I was. I never had any boyfriends allhamdullilah , it maybe because my mum guided me about the do's and dont's in Islam. I saved myself for my husband. I thought that since I am being good I will get a good husband. My husband was good for a few years. I was the happiest person in the world. I gave my husband so much love and expected that he will return the same love to me. But then bang when he changed and turned bad I realized that life is tough. Just because you love someone with all your heart doesn't mean that the person will love you too. Just because you are doing good actions doesn't mean your life will turn out great! I never thought I would have problems with my husband. I never ever dreamt that I would be divorced! Life is unpredictable. Things don't turn out the way we think then we face so much trauma. My kids are my happiness in life allhamdullilah. They always chant "I Love you mum" a million times a day. But I still worry that when they get older the chant may change to "I hate you" I feel scared that day I will be devasted ! How will I cope. But I have to ecxept that love will not always be the same, family will not always be the same. All I can do is do the best for my kids and bring them up well according to Islam and pray for the best. So don't dwell on the return sis. Just give love and live according to Islam. If you don't get your return or reward in life then surely Allah will reward you vastly in the hereafter.

        8) Sister this time last year I was a total wreck couldn't work sleep or do anything. I was just crying all day long! Now Allhamdullilah I feel much better. Sister you need to come out of the darkness and embrace the bright side of life. You are just digging yourself a deep hole of depression by staying in this state. Just please close the book on your past. Make plans how you wish to move on in life. I found socialising a very good cure for depression. Make new friends at work or home. Even in the mosques there are sisters circles. You can learn about Islam together and make new friends. You can already count me in as your new friend and sister! : )) Start talking to people at work. Motivate yourself in your career like get a new job or seek promotion in your present job. Watch movies that interest you but maybe give the romantic ones a miss!

        And you should definitely keep yourself fit. Not for anyone else but yourself. I have joined some fitness activities and they really boost your motivation and give you so much energy. Find a hobby that you enjoy. And last but not least hunt for a good husband but treadh carefully. It is very difficult to find a good man. It may be that you have to compromise and settle for less in order to get a pious husband. i.e he might be earning less but still has good character etc.

        Another thing when I listen to the news about world affairs I often cry when I see the situation our brothers and sisters are going through in Syria and egypt. My problems are nothing compared to the hardships they are going through every day! I count my blessing that Allah has showered me and my family with, food,clothing shelter etc etc.

        When we see people with with worse problems then us then we can appreciate how happy Allah has kept us. We have a choice whether to be depressed and give up in life, or work to strenthen our Iman and personality and become the best person we can be. We can't change our past but we can change our present and future to what we want it to be Inshallah .

        I used to non stop keep thinking about my husband. These thoughts meant i could not move on. I was dragged into the past every time. Now I have stopped myself from thinking about him. I distract myself to things I want to do or achieve now and later. The past is now gone with the wind. I do not even care now if he remarries and is happy with his new life. i wish him the best. I have stopped the grudges.

        you will be there too sister very soon Inshallah! You just have to change your attitude and perspective in life.

        also keep praying and reading duas that will be your big savour!

        I pray that Allah gives you peace and happiness in this life and the hereafter. (And also sends your prince charming ASAP!)

        All my love

        Sumaira " ) xxxx

        • My dear Sister,

          Jazakallahu Khairan (May Allah reward you for the good.) for your eye opening response which touched my heart.I am at work but I couldn’t stop my tears reading your calling me ‘pure’ soul. I wonder do i even really deserve that!

          I have read your response numberless times to have it reached to my heart and soul. I will read it again and again surely.

          I feel thankful to almighty who perhaps by taking me to this website , where I have met some genuine and wise people like you and my little sister Anxious Soul, who are helping me heal my emotional wounds, almighty is actually guiding me.

          • "repenter muslimah", I'm happy that this website has helped you, Alhamdulillah. I removed the rest of your comment. If you want advice on your own situation then please log in and write your question as a separate post, or if you have already done so then wait for it to be published.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  32. My dear little sister, jazakallahu khairan for your soothing words.

    They are really helping me. I have copied your and Sister Sumaira’s words in a word file and I often read them and I really feel both of you talking to me, guiding me. It brings some sort of relief and peace to me. I share somewhat same philosophy of life. But my problem is that ( I guess) that I have gone into depression or some sort of psychological problem due to long lasting rejection from others from family to friends to the one I love. I have been hyper sensitive and soft by heart from my childhood. I often get a thought that I don’t deserve anybody’s love. What kills me is my parents especially my mother who gave me birth does not understand me or my feelings.

    since I am in process of reconciling my relations with my parents, my father had told me that my mother wishes to visit a tourist place (Islamic mosques and Islamic culture). I have been low these days, so I yesterday only, I asked my parents how about going there next month during Eid ul adha. My mother straightaway rejected my idea. When I asked her why. She remained silence. This pained me a lot.

    My father is not keeping well these days, he had wanted to buy some BP instrument and certain medication. I arranged for it. I felt happy serving my father. Later I gave him head massage as well.

    But on the same evening, i had these words from my parents – “ To us, all our kids are same, they don’t serve us, but we wont complain, Allah (Swt) is seeing everything”

    I cried like anything, I wonder my parents cant see difference between me and my siblings. Am I bad like they are.? Do I really don’t care for my parents as my siblings don’t? why don’t they see my love and care for them. It might be like that they expected 10 things from me and I could do only 6 out of 10 but then why they see only 4 things not done by me. It is like that those 6 things done by me have no value?

    This was just an example, I get such things on daily basis. I know I have flaws and faults but then I am not supposed to be loved by my parents. Allah (Swt)knows that how much love and respect I have for my parents.

    The above story of lost soul is mine. It was out of guilt that i could not even put it with name " a repenter muslimah" . Hope you read it and can understand my agony.

  33. My dear, sweet, loving, beautiful and pious sister.I wish I could just give you a big, tight sisterly hug right now!You have been through so much, all alone.Sister, first of all you need to understand that the need to be loved is a basic, natural human emotion.And forgive me, but I feel so mad at your parents for not fulfilling your emotional needs, which is the right of every child!Sister, you say you weren't very religious before, but even then you always resisted and behaved appropriately whenever some one tried to hit on you or tried to get into a haraam relationship, for which you are to be commended!And as Sr Sumaira said, your intention was always that of marriage, rather then a bf/gf relationship and Allah judges us on our intentions and the state of our hearts.I'l try to address the points one by one
    1) How to get rid of the guilt : by keeping on doing what you are already doing : repenting to Allah, asking for forgiveness, praying, going towards purdah, learning about our religion, helping others in need, trying to be a better daughter.Sister, I know that the process of rehabilitation is slow and the journey very long and hard, and this 'medication' very slow acting.But keep at it and soon the guilt will fade.And remember, Allah forgives a sincere repentance as if the sin had never occured at all!He is Most Merciful, and He knows how emotionally deprivated and expertly manipulated by this guy you were.This was his way of turning a soul that was pure in essential but led astray back to Him.Sister, you are pure, virgin pure.Your soul is as clear as a mountain spring.Don't let shaitan throw pebbles in that mountain spring.Sis when you feel down, let yourself cry it all out,say two ra'kaat namaaz and cry infrnont of Allah.Show Him how sorry you are and ask Him to always conceal you past.And when you are done you will feel a new peace and resolve build within you.and Slowly, but surely you will heal.
    2) it is natural to seek refuge with Allah, in times of depression and loneliness.I think maybe Allah created these emotions so we could turn to Him, and cling to Him more and more, and realize that without Him we are nothing.You are not a hypocrite or evil.
    3) Sister, some guys are just plain evil.They manipulate young, innocent girls with smooth talking, to get what they want.In your case, this guy took advantage of your emotional vulnerability and used it to his advantage.Arggggghhhh, I could tear this man apart with my bare hands, how could he do this to my dear sister???!!Sorry, I'm getting too worked up.Such men have no souls, no conscience.They don't think about the right or wrong of what they do.They just do it.And trust me hon, he WILL be answerable for what he has done.And you should not be thinking whether he hates you or not,HE should be the one feeling sorry and guilty, and begging your forgiveness, because even if he is not muslim, NO religion condones such behaviour.
    4) Sister what do you mean, you cannot marry again because of what you have done?you have repented sincerely, turned into a genuine pious muslimah, and Allah has wiped your sins clean as if they never happened ( Insha'Allah)!YOU ARE PURE.YOU ARE CLEAN.YOU ARE VIRGIN.Stop thinking otherwise, sis!Any Muslim guy should count his lucky stars to have a wife as sweet as you!And sister, my advice to you is to pray to Allah to send you not just ANY spouse but a good, kind, God fearing spouse with which you can spend a happy life, otherwise life can be HELL with the wrong spouse.You have mentioned you have a good education.How about taking it further and going for higher studies in your field, maybe even abroad,if you can?My point is, even if you don't get married (God forbid) you can still live a peaceful, decent,fulfilling life as a well educated,independent woman, who doesn't NEED a guy to support her.And a change of scenery would be good for your mental state too.And I know that even if you go to Western countries, your Emaan is now strong enough for you to keep up and maintain your strong religious stance which will insha'Allah protect you from all bad.So how about it??
    5) Sis this site isn't like Facebook or Twitter.People come here for religious guidance, and their identity is 100% protected.You could be sitting in Timbuktu for all I know.This site is catering to a very important public need, and provides guidance to so many.How could taking part in this be wrong?and I'm sure you've seen how firmly the editors of this site rebuke people who try and get over chummy with females or try to share personal contact numbers or email adressess (lol).So I don't think you are breaking any oath to begin with,don't worry about it.
    6) Yes i agree that the best thing to do would be to give all these gifts or the money away to charity.You would be doing a good deed and helping yourself in the process.
    7) Sister its a wonderful thing that you are trying your best to be good to your parents.Just try to be as good a daughter as you can, to them, try not to take it to heart when they say such things to you.They are old and not well, and old people are generally quite rigid, there's not much you can do to change them.And they are probably frustrated and bitter about many things and they just need someone to vent it out on, so try to listen with one ear and take it out from the other when they say such things, but never ever be rude or disrespectful and I'm sure given time they will realize what a gem they have for a daughter, and your relations will improve.Patience is the key.As for your younger sister, well I'l tell you something.I was quite whiney when I was younger, back in my early teens.One day I was rude to my elder sister.A tight slap and a harsh scolding and reminding that she would NOT tolerate such behaviour from her younger sister was sufficient to bring me to my senses, and from that day I never ever misbehaved with any of my older siblings.You need to do the same with your sister.Remind her that you are the elder one and you demand respect, if not affection from her.A firm stance from you will soon show her that she cant get away with it, and relations will soon improve :)
    8) Sister, you are not alone.No person who has a firm belief in Allah is ever alone.You need to believe that there is a higher Being who is looking after you, and knows what is good and bad for you.Plus you have the good wishes and prayers of all of your brothers and sisters on this, site,especially those who you have helped!Just don't lose faith.Whenever you feel your thoughts wandering, just try to recite Durood Sharif, or any Quranic verse or any dua.Take up a nice new hobby.Cooking courses, learning a new language, reading (classic literature or poetry).And please do consider my suggestion about higher studies abroad, if you can.
    Sister one thing I will repeat over and over again..you are pure.you are good.you will be redeemed.you deserve everything good in life.And the ones who wronged you, will be answerable for it one day.I want you to believe it too.Won't you try to believe it, for your sister's sake?And lastly, a tight bear hug for my sis!!!!may Allah relieve your every difficulty and make all your dreams come true.

  34. Dear Sister Anxious Soul

    Thank you for your wonderful response reaching my heart. Though my responses have been deleted by the editor. i hope at least this will reach.

    About education, actually I come from a traditional family and there was a time when i had not even thought that i would even work. But when my sister had a terrible time after death of her husband, then my parents realized importance of education and job. i was so deeply impacted from my sister's conditions that after just finishing my school, i got a professional course done and started working from the age of 18/19 years. i completed my graduation and post graduation through correspondence mode.

    Since I am a professional, to enhance my career, couple of years back, i had wanted to do MBA from a reputed institute wherein it was a regular course (full time) hence had to leave job. But my parents didn't support me as such. I didnt have enough saving that i could quite my job and bear my expenses, also fee factor was there. I found it better to continue working to earn money as i had felt no support was from parents.

    Then I had thought to continue my higher studies i.e. PhD but as per changed rules of university in my country, its not available in correspondence mode any longer and i cant leave my job for a regular course as i need to self independent and i cant (or say i dont wish to) expect my parents to pay for it.

    About getting married, well, its a bitter fact that there has been no worth proposals i could consider. i dont want good looks or hi fi profession but a decent job and man with good values who practices our religion will be sufficient but alas! i didnt get so. i have already tried , my parents too but nothing fruitful so i have already lost my hopes of getting married, at least at this juncture, also after going through all this, i am not ready for it and i dont want to keep false hopes neither for myself nor my parents. so this chapter is closed for me as of now.

    i have already tried option of taking up some hobby like learning language (Arabic) etc but either timings or fee are major hurdles. my main hobby is to see new places but my pocket is not allowing that. Inspite of having a strong feeling to go to some place for sake of change, my effort of going with parents (as i shared earlier) went invain.

    Today i happened to look in the mirror and i find myself having dark circles, pale skin, scars etc. i just couldn't recognize myself. a thought came to me, i live in a family where i have my parents, my brother and his wife etc but no one can see my pain.

    Anyways, to be at peace, to come out of depression, to come over him, to find happiness, to improve myself as Muslim is all that i have in mind as of now.

  35. While reading answers on this website, I came across this link http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/head-covering-obligatory/

    And I got concerned reading the hadees as given below which scared me off quite

    Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin: The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: Allah does not accept the prayer of a woman who has reached puberty unless she wears a veil" ( Abu Dawood )

    Do you have any idea about or can anyone please guide us about it.? I am feeling really afraid reading this.

  36. As-salam-alaikum dear little sis,

    Hope you would read my response given on Sister Sumaira's page. About operation purdah, the above mentioned hadees has caused anxiety to me. i wish people here would confirm its authenticity. However, i was having this thought today that we know covering is important in Islam, we wish to start covering, then why are we not able to do it right away. We dont need to something special or extraordinary to get it started, how long will we take to make up our mind to get it started, how long we would give excuses this and that..we know that we all will be individual on day of judgement, then inspite of knowing this, why we are reluctant....and so on..

    i am also scolding myself today for reminiscing about the old times. I wish if we could have facility to delete or remove our memories of past! Sigh! I am realizing somewhere that my relationship had no future, not merely i was sinning, i was becoming what that i am not. i try to have this thought that as i was not able to stop myself or say save myself, Allah (Swt) did this for me and he did things in such way that i may have least pain. but when he had become my world then, perhaps, that's why its getting hard for me to move on easy. i have been a practical girl all my life and now i feel that love is nothing but just an illusion. I just want to get myself connected with Allah (Swt) who truly loves me, has been protracting me, guiding me. Please do dua for me my dear little sister.

    • True could any editor please confirm the authenticity of this Hadith???Also explain it a bit?Sis, insha'Allah you will be fine, just give it a bit of time.what you are feeling is natural and it is commendable that you are trying to resist it as much as you can.I always do pray for you, dear sis, that Allah keep you under His protection always!

      • Thank you my little Sister.

        we haven't got any response yet on that hadees, i hope soon we get clarity.

        just praying for me, i really need them. i am working hard to take myself out of depressing state. insha-allah i will soon. just keep making duas for me.

  37. Dear Sister

    Hope you would read my response on sister sumaira's page.
    i need your duas , please do remember me in your duas.

  38. My little Sister,

    you seem away even sister Sumaira too. I am feeling really low today. while taking out docs, many memories and sweet words got alive in my mind. i had a tough time in tearing and throwing such papers or things. The serious and dry kind of person he is, no one would believe but he had written poems for me , i also used to write for him. sigh! this process is really painful for me. i have collected his docs at one place and still trying to remember and adding whatever i could remember. i had never ever thought that our lives will turn out this way. I plan to destroy his/our photographs today but so far i am not able to but i know i have to. this is really painful for me. please do dua for me. i need them like air to breathe. please do pray for me.

    • Salaam sis.please do not feel low, feel proud of yourself, as you are taking active steps to a better, brighter future, and a better. brighter you.I know taking these steps all alone is a hard,painful,lonely uphill task.You are a strong,courageous,morally upright young lady and you deserve so much better than a creep like that.Think of it like this..Shaitan is the one who is putting all this pain in your heart, making you unable to destroy his photographs, while Allah's guidance is the light making you take all these steps to actively heal yourself.Have you seen those cartoons in which on one side there is a small devil on the side of the character's head, telling him bad stuff, while on the other side there is an angel, telling him to do the right thing? (e.g Tom and Jerry, I'm sure you must have seen it :-) ) Well,we are all placed in the same situation, every day of our life!And whose team should we be on?Allah's!Whenever you feel low,just visualize that devil and that angel besides yourself and tell yourself that you WILL do whatever the angel tells you, and the devil can just shut it.I just read your post on Sr Sumaira's post and the steps you said you will take.All of them are very good,smart decisions and I hope and pray they work out well for you.And lastly I would advise you to concentrate on your job and (studies if you can) and work on improving your CV so you can atleast be financially independent in life which is something every educated man and woman should be.And trust in Allah.This life is short and the eternal life everlasting, and if we Muslims realized this, how different would we be as a nation?As always ,my prayers are with you,dear sis.

    • Sis, have you read this?I just read this article now and found it very helpful:
      http://www.zawaj.com/editorials/deal_with_stress.html

  39. walekum salam my little sister.

    I know what you rightly said. i keep on reminding myself this. finally i was able to piece the photographs. i also destroyed certain things which i cannot donate or sell. I have to get out of it. I have to work to be a better Muslim. The fear i have within thinking of his reaction seeing money has caused me a lot of anxiety but now i would overcome it as i am doing right thing. you may call me crazy but Tom and Jerry has been favourite time pass, i even still used to watch it (it was his favourite too), that's why for time being, i am not watching it as such. just pray for me my dear sister. Insha-allah i will go through the link provided by you.

    in between, would like to tell that today i am wearing my new tailored dress (full sleeve, high neck long tunic with loose fitting chooridar and big dupataa). i am feeling utmost comfort and good in it. now i cant even think of wearing short/three quarter sleeves. Insha-allah, i will soon get to head covering thing as well. Howz operation purdah at your end.?

    Take Care, Allah Hafiz

  40. Asalam alaikum

    Dear Little Sister,

    I am in hurry but pasting the link below and response I got from. You can check it out and can put your questions or doubts to them.

    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/want-to-get-back-with-wife/

    • a repenter muslimah
    October 8, 2013 • 12:19 pm
    While reading answers on this website, I came across this linkhttp://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/head-covering-obligatory/
    and i happened to read a hadees as follows-
    Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin: The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: Allah does not accept the prayer of a woman who has reached puberty unless she wears a veil" ( Abu Dawood )
    Is it authentic? could you please refer more about it? does it refer to covering while offering saleh or covering in general?

    Wael
    October 8, 2013 • 3:09 pm
    The word "veil" in this hadith simply refers to hijab. A woman cannot pray without being properly covered.
    Wael
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    ALI YOUSUFF
    October 8, 2013 • 3:37 pm
    ASSALAMALAIKUM-
    A woman cannot pray without being properly covered.
    DEAR WAEL THISIS TO INFORM YOU THAT THIS[HADEES] I HAVE SENT TO MILLIONS OF PEOPLE FROM 2 YEARS AND THE REFERENCE IS NOT FOR THE TIME OR IN THE PERFORMANCE OF SALAH-OF SALAH ONLY-
    IT IS THIS REFERENCE WHICH APPLIES -MEANING ALL THE TIME THE WOMAN FROM THE TIME AND AGE OF PUBERTY-
    FROM
    1]QURAN-The Noble Qur'an - Al-Ahzab 33:59
    O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils)* all over their bodies (i.e. screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the way). That will be better, that they should be known (as free respectable women) so as not to be annoyed. And Allah is Ever Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
    2]Allah, the Exalted says:
    “…TELL YOUR WIVES AND YOUR DAUGHTERS AND THE WOMEN OF THE BELIEVERS TO DRAW THEIR VEILS ALL OVER THEIR BODIES (SCREEN THEMSELVES COMPLETELY EXCEPT THE EYES). THAT IS MORE SUITABLE THAT THEY WILL BE KNOWN (AS A RESPECTABLE BELIEVING WOMAN) AND NOT MOLESTED…”
    Al-Ahzab 33:59
    FROM HADEES-
    3]Hadith - Bukhari 6:282
    'Aisha used to say: "When (the Verse): 'They should draw their veils over their necks and bosoms,' was revealed, (the ladies) cut their waist sheets at the edges and covered their faces with the cut pieces."
    AND THEN THIS IS FINAL WORD FROM ALLAH SO THAT NO MORE OF OUR OWN ASSUMPTIONS-ARE ENTERTAINED-
    Allah, the Exalted says:
    “IT IS NOT FOR A BELIEVING MAN OR BELIEVING WOMAN, WHEN ALLAH AND HIS MESSENGER HAVE DECREED A MATTER, THAT THEY SHOULD HAVE AN OPTION IN THEIR DECISION. AND WHOEVER DISOBEYS ALLAH AND HIS MESSENGER HAS INDEED STRAYED INTO CLEAR ERROR”
    Al-Ahzab 33:36
    HOPE THIS IS CLEAR FOR THE QUESTIONER...MADAM- a repenter muslimah

  41. Dear Little Sister,

    As part of my process of having a NEW me. I have taken up this new name- Ray of Hope.
    Insha-allah i will be a better person as Muslim as an individual.
    Be in touch.

    Allah hafiz

  42. Dear Sister

    As-salam-alaikum,

    Was wondering if you have read the link http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/want-to-get-back-with-wife/
    what i understand that if one is not wearing hijab, she is doing a sin!! According to brother Yousuf, even her prayers wont be accepted! It really chilled me. i read your message on her page and insha-allah i will try to make myself strong. As i already got guidance from the ones i had wanted and now i want to shift my focus from past to make the present better, that's why i have deleted my posts. self punishment is my reply to the accuser. i cant write much so have to leave this topic.hope you understand my intentions. Anyways, i have got a NEW wardrobe as per islamic dress code but yes covering head is still an issue to me. I mean the hijab i tried but i feel suffocated if worn for long, i got itching in head, may be due to hot weather of my city, winters are coming soon, insha-allah it will help me. sometimes i think of Abaya but i hate Burkha and i dont know if i can carry the Abaya available in various sober colours and design. i dont know if it will suit my body type. i am 5.10 ft by height (LOL) :-)hence i often have to get things on special order or custom made! is it possible that you may take up the hadees on hijab given on that page and discuss with your mother.

    keep posted

    allah hafiz

  43. Read this one today, sharing with you

    My Hijab Story
    I get a lot of questions about how I started Hijab, so here it is.
    I hope it will inspire girls, inshAllah.
    I was 16 years old when I started the Hijab.
    ——-
    It is April 18, 2008, 7:45pm.
    I have just finished completing my evening prayer. As I walk out of my Aunt’s bedroom, the wood floors creak with each step I take. Entering the living room, my mother, my aunt, and my uncle are silently watching the television. The floor creaks and my mother turns her head towards me and she squints. I know exactly why she is looking; it is because I am still wearing my Hijab from prayer. Her face relaxes and she directly speaks to my aunt and uncle with her eyes still on me.
    “Doesn’t she look beautiful in her Hijab?”
    At once, my aunt and uncle start agreeing with her, and she raises her eyebrow at me thinking that she’s made a point. I scoff, rolling my eyes at them. I’m furious, because she wants so badly that I start wearing it, instead of “parading around the house with my hair in my eyes”.
    Shutting the front door behind me, I walk down the pavement to my mother’s silver van. Sitting in the car, I pull the door close with as much force as possible. Once it is quiet, I stare at the red neon numbers on the digital clock as they mock my anger with their color. Why do women have to cover up and men don’t?
    I reach for the mirror above my head, and the small florescent light attached to it illuminates the car just enough so I can see my reflection. I stare at myself, and as much as I hate to admit it, I don’t look so bad in my Hijab.
    I must have been out there a while, because my mom was yelling as loud as she possibly can, calling me inside. Blinking at my reflection, I quickly close the mirror and jet out of the car before she decides to come get me herself. She tells me to go and sit in the living room, but instead I take a sharp left turn into the bathroom.
    Locking the door behind me, I stand over the sink, once again looking at my reflection. I concentrate on the way my Hijab is placed in a delicate manner, the safety pin is tightly secured under my chin and one side of the cloth is wrapped around my head and the other is around my neck, framing my face in all the right places. I felt confident, I felt like I was at home in my own skin for once. Reaching my hand into my pocket, I take my phone and my fingers quickly run over the buttons, texting my best friend. I tell her that I am thinking about wearing a Hijab, and that I’m scared about it. My heart is beating fast as I hit send, waiting for her reaction. Finally, after what seems like 1 hour, my phone vibrates and I read what she says. She’s written that she is proud of my decision, and she’ll stick through it no matter what. I smile and I decide that I’m going to start wearing a Hijab.
    The Qur’an teaches us that men and women are equal, that individuals should not be judged according to gender, beauty, wealth, or privilege. The only thing that makes one person better than another is her or his character. Armed with this thought I planned to wear my Hijab on the first day of summer school, but I couldn’t wait. The next evening, I laid out my Hijab and pins the night before so I didn’t have the excuse of “forgetting” to wear it.
    Once I arrived at school I became more nervous because there were people looking at me in the parking lot already! With each step I got closer and closer to the building and strangely more and more calm. I breathed a sigh of relief that I hadn’t ran into anyone in the halls though. Each person that passed me by just treated me like they always did on a normal day. A person even commented that my Hijab was beautiful and at least two asked me if it was a special occasion. At the end of the day I couldn’t believe that I had worked myself up about nothing all of these years. No one treated me differently, almost everyone smiled at me.
    One of the major misconceptions about the Hijab is that young women are forced to wear it by their parents or by male family members. When actually, parents or men want have nothing to do with it. In fact, every woman has this form of liberation. When a woman is covered, men cannot judge her by her appearance but are forced to evaluate her by her personality, character, and morals. Though there are families and men that force women to wear Hijab, this isn’t a part of Islam. There is no compulsion in religion. Another misconception is that men do not have to cover themselves, this is incorrect. In the Qur’an, it states first that Men are to lower their gaze. Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc.). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do. - 24:30. They are also expected to dress modestly and to cover their bodies just as women are. Modesty does not stop at physical appearance but also in speech and behavior.
    In the end, I tell people that the Hijab is not a responsibility, it’s a right given to me by my Creator who knows me best.

  44. Jamila’s Story

    As a child and a teenager, I never thought I would be strong enough to wear the hijab. Having a funny name and being darker than the average white kid, I was already “weird” enough and didn’t want to stand out more than I already did.

    But something changed when I got to college. I met actual Muslims and hijabis and found out that they were “normal” people and just like me. To be Muslim, it was not necessary to be what that Egyptian lady at Islamic school thought a Muslim should be like. I could be American and part of society and still be a Muslim!

    After a while, and after much deliberation and preparation, I came to a point about a year and a half ago where I decided I was ready to put on the hijab. I prayed istikhara (the guidance prayer) the night before and asked Allah to make it easy for me and alhumdulilah it was probably the most wonderful day in my life the day I put on hijab. I was soooo happy and more confident than I had ever been before! I walked around proud that I would never have to explain to anyone that I was a Muslim.

    I love hijab, because it serves as a reminder to myself and others that I am Muslim first, and Islam will always come first no matter what obstacles or trials I face.

  45. Holding my head up high in the corporate world

    By Shanaaz Hassem-Jaylarnie (Johannesburg, South Africa)

    At first I was not very keen on this whole thing but, prompted by my sisters, I decided to visit the blog. Hijab diaries....um that got me thinking. Then suddenly after reading a few lines, I felt that I had an obligation to tell my story....you see, I grew up in a very strict, but liberal home- where my parents gave us freedom yet controlled it. As ironic as that may be, I always think that they somehow managed to get just the right balance. Not letting go too loosely, yet not holding on too tight. I only wish that I can be that perfect to my kids.

    There were several times in my young life where my father would get into a session with me about starting to wear a headscarf. As opinionated as I was, I would always respond that I was not ready, and I guess that my parents did not want to force something upon me with the fear that I would not enjoy wearing it and see it as a burden.

    One day at the age of 22, I suddenly decided that I had to change my way of dress, and don the hijaab. Since I was young, just entered the corporate world and had many friends from various faith groups, this was a difficult choice in my life. The decision would soon rock my world as I knew it. Without realising it, the decision to wear a hijaab began changing my entire life, opinion and almost everything about me.

    I soon found myself restructuring my wardrobe since, in my opinion; I could not cover my hair but bear my arms. I could not cover my hair but wear jeans that revealed the shape of my body, so my entire style of dress was under scrutiny, and I had to buy clothing that was more appropriate to go with my hijaab. Almost like a new self.

    At this stage of my life, working in a modern environment, I found that I was suddenly looked at in a different way. In the corporate world I was suddenly respected, and it was almost as if my opinion meant more. Non Muslim women looked at me, and admittedly admired my transformation. They looked at me as if I had climbed Mount Everest. Maybe I was more beautiful with my flowing hair hanging down my shoulders but, somehow, that meant nothing to me any longer. People looked at me and wondered how I could give up fashion and modernity for a headscarf and loosely fitting clothing but I could see that deep down they actually respected Islam and respected me because I had given up all of that to be a true young Muslim woman. I neither felt restricted nor found the need to blame anyone, since this was a decision that I had made for myself. I found it exciting to get a scarf to match a certain outfit, and still managed to be stylish and modern, in an Islamic way.

    The men in my workplace suddenly took me more seriously. I could sense that they now placed me on a pedestal, and that my opinion seemed to matter more. If anyone ever engaged in a conversation in an inappropriate manner, they would make sure they did it when I was not around. It was astonishing because even if a person used a vulgar word, they would apologise to me, out of a whole group of people.

    My hijaab empowered me and gave me an opportunity to prove my true worth. It also made me a better person. I found myself more down to earth. That many years ago, not many young girls covered their hair, and the message conveyed was that a young girl who covered her hair had to be taken seriously, and had to be respected.

    Even though I worked in an environment where there were men and women mixing, my conduct as a Muslim hijabi protected me from the fitna of the workplace. Alhamdulillah later I met my husband, who told me that if it was not for my hijaab, he would not have taken a second look at me. Some people feel that if they wear a scarf, it will make them less beautiful and they won’t find husbands. I can tell you, that this is not the truth. I can tell you that when Allah wills to give you a husband- you will get one. And I can tell you that if a man turns you down because of your hijaab; keep your chin up and never lose hope- you will find someone better. Insha Allah.

    Sometimes the people who look at you, almost as if you are an embarrassment to them are our very own fellow Muslims who choose not to cover themselves.

    In my first year of marriage I lived in Pretoria, where there was not another Muslim in sight for almost 40km’s. When I walked into a store people looked at me as If I was from another planet. As uncomfortable as I had felt at that time, I realise today, that they were actually the ignorant ones.

    I still get those who look at me with pity, then there are those who see me as a Neanderthal. They look at Muslim woman and their small children as if you have no weight in society. There are those who are so confused that they cannot explain their glances. But I know the impact that I have, because I am a walking example of a person in constant struggle.

    Wearing your Hijaab protects us from so much that we will not be able to comprehend. I always say that Muslims are so lucky, because the difficulties we endure makes us that much stronger. We are setting the example for the next generation. How will our daughters and nieces wear hijab with confidence if we do not? It’s much much more than just covering your body. It’s a daily struggle, it’s a battle, and at the same time its an opportunity. I would say to any muslimah, make that choice today. It may not be easy, it may be not nice, but you will be sure to see the rewards in time to come. Take advantage of being a Muslim woman. It’s not a burden, it’s a gift.

    • Assalaamualaikam

      JazakhAllah khair. Thank you for posting this - sharing such reminders of the importance and positive aspects of hijab can really help women as we try our best to observe hijab. Sometimes the negative reactions of others can erode our confidence and at times even lead to fear for our personal safety, so it can really help to read about empowering experiences.

      Midnightmoon
      IslamicAnswers.com editor

    • Thank you sis for posting this.Right now, I'm really trying not to cry, after reading these stories because frankly speaking, my operation purdah is going no where.Mom is not being supportive at all, and I cannot muster up the resolve to do this without the support of my mom, because she is my bestest friend and the best mom in the whole world.I honestly have never done anything in my life without my mom's advice and blessing and because she is in a very emotionally fragile state nowadays, and gets hyper at the smallest provocation, I just don't feel like pushing the issue.She has given me such extreme unconditional love my whole life that I don't wan't to argue with her,even when I know I am in the right.And honestly I won't put the whole blame on my mom because I feel my own resolve is now fading.And I really,really want to please Allah who was my sole Helper during a very tough time,which was horrible for both my mom and me.Alhumdullilah, I am 90% out of that phase now and it really,really gave a new,better perspective to my life and made me a better person.It hurts me to think that Allah, to whom I owe so much and who protected me and my mom from so much, would not answer my prayers because I do not observe purdah.My salat has become so much more regular,I do a lot of dhikr and I really try hard to be kind to everyone around me, and my mindset has achieved a religious outlook on life that wasn't there before, A LOT of which is thanks to this site.would all of that not count, just because I don't cover my head?I know how unpredictable life is and whenever I feel low I remind myself that this life is short and the Hereafter eternal.But I don't want to go to Hell because I don't cover my head.I love my parents like crazy,try my best to be a good daughter,I have never gone out with anyone, gotten physical,done drugs,have tried my best to prevent gossip,helped friends in need.My colleagues male and female both ,respect me (as far as I know) and I try my best to stay out of workplace politics.Ofcourse, there is a lot of room for improvement in me and I am both aware of, and try to work on my many faults but I don't think I am a bad person.I thank Allah everyday for His countless blessings and always ask Him to forgive me my sins.If I die tomorrow (Allah forbid) would I straight away go to Hell just because I don't cover my head?This thought really bothers me.I am kind of obsessed with the concept of the Hereafter for the past few months, plus I recently read Dante's Inferno and I really,really would like not to end up in Hell :p I need guidance for this.
      To the editors: if there is a question which is not significant enough to be submitted as a seperate post, but I want to ask for clarification in an Islamic light ,could I ask on a post whose topic is similar to my question?e.g I wanted to ask something about Istikhara that I didn't find in your article and other people's post, but wasn't sure whether you would approve of my asking if I didn't submit it as a seperate question as it wasn't a huge matter.

  46. As-salam-alaikum dear little sister,

    First of all don't feel dull and down as Allah said in holy quran that its efforts not results count in the eyes of Allah.

    like you, I am too feeling concerned about wearing hijab. I want to but somehow i am not able to. like you too, i also think of Aakhirah and it chills me like anything.

    i read on internet a question

    Dear scholars, As-Salamu `alaykum. I am not wearing hijab but I observe fasting and prayer. Will Allah accept my fasting and prayer? A friend of mine said to me yesterday that none of my fasts are valid. Please help! Jazakum Allah khayran

    answer given-it should be clear that hijab is an obligation and every Muslimah is required to wear it. All Muslim jurists agree on this and Allah has made it clear in Surat An-Nur: "And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms.” (An-Nur: 31)

    As far as the issue of not wearing hijab while observing fasting and prayer is concerned, Sheikh `Atiyyah Saqr, former head of Al-Azhar Fatwa Committee, states:

    “If an act of worship is done, it is hoped that Allah will accept it as long as it is done for His sake. However, we should not be sure regarding its acceptance, as this matter is referred to Allah Almighty, Who says in His Glorious Qur’an: “… Allah accepteth only from those who ward off (evil).” (Al-Ma’idah: 27)

    As for the believers who do some kinds of sins, Allah will not deprive them of the reward of their good deeds. He (Glorified and Exalted be He) says: “And whoso doeth good an atom's weight will see it then. And whoso doeth ill an atom's weight will see it then.” (Az-Zalzalah: 7-8)

    As far as the woman who does not wear hijab and offers prayer and fasting in Ramdan is concerned, her acts of worship are hoped to be accepted. However, she will be punished for not wearing hijab, as it is a sin.

    The believer should not depend on Allah’s mercy and forgiveness while not fearing Allah and continuing to do more sins. Rather, the believer who did a sin is obligated to repent and ask Allah for forgiveness and stop doing this sin so that Allah may forgive him. Almighty Allah says: “And lo! verily I am Forgiving toward him who repenteth and believeth and doeth good, and afterward walketh aright.” (Taha: 82)

    Also, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said: “Fear Allah wherever you are and follow up a bad deed with a good one as it will erase it. And, observe good manners in dealing with people.” (Reported by At-Tirmidhi)

    Not wearing hijab is a sign of not fearing Allah’s punishment, for if she did fear Allah she would abide by His commands. So, how does Allah accept the prayer and fasting of one who does not fear Him? It should be clear that there is a difference between the validity of an act of worship and its acceptance. One’s prayer and fasting may be valid if the conditions of prayer and fasting are fulfilled. We cannot say that they are invalid, as there is no relation between their validity and acceptance. But, we say that their acceptance is referred to Allah. It is reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “The man may leave (the mosque after performing prayer) and he has nothing of its reward but one tenth, one ninth, one eighth, one seventh, one sixth, one fourth, one third, or one half.” (Reported by Abu Dawud, An-Nasa’i, and Ibn Hibban)”

    The eminent Muslim scholar Sheikh Yusuf Al-Qaradawi states:

    “If a Muslim woman does perform prayer and observe fasting, but still does not wear the hijab, this does not mean that one tells her to stop praying or fasting till she wears her hijab. Instead one should encourage her to adhere to her religious practices and advice her not to delay wearing hijab, in shaa’ Allah.

    Therefore, one can conclude that her Salah (prayer) is valid as long as she wears the hijab in the Salah and performs it in the proper manner. Also, her fasting is valid as long as she stops eating, drinking and sexual intercourse from dawn till sunset.”

    At this point, Sheikh Yusuf al-Qaradawi relates an indicative story. He said that once he was delivering a speech before thousands of female students in Constantinah, Algeria. The majority of the attendants were without hijab. A female student asked him: What do you think of female students who attend Islamic lectures without wearing the hijab? The answer was expected to be harsh. However, Sheikh Yusuf replied that we should not only welcome her but also encourage her to attend. Any woman’s motive to attend such lectures is a clear sign of inward faith that needs to be stimulated in order to come to the surface.

    Sheikh Yusuf al-Qaradawi concludes that we should not reject the Muslim woman who offers prayer, fasts, and is keen to do her religious duties because she has a weak point and does not wear the hijab. Rather we invoke Allah to strengthen her will and help her commit fully to her Islam.

    Finally, we would like to remind the woman who observes prayer and fasting while not wearing hijab to fear Allah and hasten to Him by repentance and start wearing hijab immediately.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    This has brought some partly relief that atleast our prayers has chances to be accepted by the almighty.
    but yes, its clear that its sin or say against Islam - not wearing hijab. we will be accountable for that. As a matter of fact God is above than parents. but i know how hard it will be for you. i have been in same situation so i know how it feels. i felt dejected reading you " I feel my own resolve is now fading.". you know that allah counts efforts not result then you should not give up your idea, you should continue your efforts about it. No doubt, there are hundred of things in which we have to improve but covering is an duty which we cant deny or avoid. isnt it. so chin up, keep trying to win your mother's heart. you cant give up this easily just because she is not in favour of it. it takes time. keep your efforts alive.

    though i never asked but i have wondered at my end many times what kind of bad experience you went through...were you heart broken?? or was it something else...i am sorry i dont mean to ask details but was wondering to know if its about your heart...thats it...if you dont wish to tell, its ok..very much ok .

    Its Eid ul Adha time, i had this thought that its about the prophet Ibrahim's willingness to sacrifice his son when God ordered him to. How we just get too weak even in our 'efforts' only. i think giving up will take us nowhere. so keep your efforts and hope alive for covering head, if you die tomorrow (may allah(wt) give you long life) , you will die in trying, i think it will be reasonable enough to save you from hell fire. who knows, if you get married, then you might have chance of wearing hijab, the point is not to give up the idea of hijab.

    hope this would make you feel better.

    About Istikhara, i had read this on sunni path com

    When one is not clear about the result of the istikhara, the fuqaha mention that it is recommend to repeat it, upto 7 times if necessary (usually done on separate occasions). [cf: Radd al-Muhtar]

    It is not necessary that you get a dream or even a "feeling." Rather, the istikhara is a prayer that Allah guide you towards that which is best (khayr) for you. If you do the prayer of guidance (istikhara) with the proper manners, the most important of which is to truly consign the matter to Allah and suspend your own inclinations, then Allah will make events unfold in the direction that is the best for your worldly and next-worldly affairs.

    In general, when it is not possible to perform the istikhara prayer itself (such as when one is out on the road, or in one's menstrual period), it is recommended to simply read the dua itself. [Radd al-Muhtar]

    The istikhara prayer may be made for a specific matter or be made for a general seeking of all that is best. Some scholars, including Imam Abd al-Wahhab al-Sha`rani and Ibn `Arafah before him saw this kind of istikhara prayer as being superior. Others, including Shaykh Ibn al-Arabi, recommended performing a general istikhara prayer for all that is good every day, ideally at the time of the Duha prayer (after sunrise).

    Imam al-Nawawi mentioned that before the istikhara prayer, one should seek advice (istishara) from those whose knowledge, wisdom, and concern one is confident. Ibn Hajar al-Haytami and others mentioned that one of the benefits of this is to further distance oneself from the desires of one's own egotistic inclinations.

    It is recommended to open the dua of istikhara [below], with praise of Allah and sending blessings on the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace), and to close it in this manner, too.

    Like other duas, it is recommended that one face the qibla.

    It is disliked to 'hasten' in seeking the answer to one's istikhara, like other duas, because the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) said, "Your prayers are answered, unless you hasten, saying, 'I prayed, but no answer came.'"

    One should be pleased with what Allah chooses for one, and not seek to follow one's whims after the answer to one's supplication becomes clear.

    There is a pious lady in our community who has offered to pray istikhara for me to help me make a decision for marriage.... [ .... ] my question to you is if you know if this idea of relying on someone else's istikhara is a good idea and compatible with the teachings of Islam on how to make dua and decisions. should I follow her advice (according to her dreams and feelings) to me on this issue or not?

    This is one means you can take: to seek the istikhara of a pious person. The permissibility of this was mentioned explicitly by the Malikis and Shafi`is. The Hanafis do not appear to have discussed this issue [al-Mawsu`a al-Fiqhhiyya, Kuwait], but there is nothing in it that would indicate its impermissibility. Rather, it is merely the taking of a means, which is permitted as long as one knows that the one who gives and takes, benefits and harms is Allah alone.

    In such cases, though, one should not leave doing the istikhara oneself...

    Salat al-Istikhara

    CONCERNING THE RITUAL PRAYER FOR GUIDANCE IN CHOOSING THE BEST OPTION [SALAT AL-ISTIKHARA], AND THE PRAYER OF SUPPLICATION [DU'A'] APPROPRIATE TO IT.

    According to a traditional report transmitted on the authority of Muhammad ibn al-Munkadir, it was Jabir ibn 'Abdi'llah (may Allah be well pleased with him and with his father) who said:

    "Allah's Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) used to teach us how to seek guidance in choosing the best option available in a practical enterprise [al-istikhara fi 'l-amr], just as he would sometimes teach us a Chapter [Sura] from the Qur'an. :

    "'If one of you is concerned about some practical undertaking, or about making plans for a journey, he should perform two cycles of ritual prayer [rak'atain], not as an obligatory observance [farida], but voluntarily. Then he should say:

    '"O Allah, I ask You to show me what is best, through Your knowledge, and I ask You to empower me, through Your power, and I beg You to grant me Your tremendous favor, for You have power, while I am without power, and You have knowledge, while I am without knowledge, and You are the One who knows all things invisible.

    Allahumma inni astakhiru-ka bi-'ilmi-ka wa astaqdiru-ka bi-qudrati-ka wa as'alu-ka min fadli-ka 'l-'azim fa-inna-ka taqdiru wa la aqdiru wa ta'lamu wa la a'lamu wa Anta 'Allamu 'l-ghuyub :

    O Allah, if You know that this undertaking is in the best interests of my religion, my life in this world, and my life in the Hereafter, and can yield successful results in both the short term and the long term, then make it possible for me and make it easy for me, and then bless me in it.

    Allahumma in kunta ta'lamu anna hadha 'l-amra khairun li fi dini wa dunyaya wa akhirati wa 'aqibati amri wa 'ajili-hi wa ajili-h :fa-'qdir-hu li wa yassir-hu li thumma barik li fi-h :

    If not, then turn it away from me, and make it easy for me to do well, wherever I may happen to be, and make me content with Your verdict, O Most Merciful of the merciful.'"

    wa illa fa-'srif-hu 'an-ni wa yassir liya 'l-khaira haithu kana ma kuntu wa raddi-ni bi-qada'i-ka ya Arhama 'r-rahimin :

    Hope it will be of some help.

    keep posted

    Allah Hafiz

  47. As-salamu Alaykum,

    I am a convert to Islam and understand the anxiety that may accompany one's decision to wear the hijab. In my experience, though, the best thing is to simply wear it and see what happens. Most likely, all the things you are worrying about will either not happen at all or will not be as bad as you have imagined. My family was not particularly happy about my hijab, but they eventually adjusted. People sometimes made rude comments to me in public, but I was able to cope despite being a private person who does not enjoy confrontation.

    I figure if people can wear, say, and do the most outrageous things in the name of self-expression, then I should not feel awkward about dressing in a way that is pleasing to Allah SWT.

    Wearing the hijab is something beautiful that opens the door to new friendships and experiences. It is a constant reminder that you are a Muslim and that you should live your faith. Our sisters in different countries don't always have the freedom to wear the hijab, so I think we should be grateful if we can.

    You can spend eons speculating about various issues related to the hijab. In the end, though, the proof is in the pudding. You have to actually wear the hijab to see how it will change your life and make you feel. I actually believe this is true of most things in life. Sometimes we hesitate to make a decision even though we know it is good for us. In such cases, we should just say "bismillah" and take the plunge.

  48. Walekum salam dear Sister Amel

    "Our sisters in different countries don't always have the freedom to wear the hijab, so I think we should be grateful if we can"
    "Sometimes we hesitate to make a decision even though we know it is good for us"

    very true...i have changed my entire wardrobe. the only thing yet to accomplish is to cover hair. i feel afraid for two reasons 1. If i would be able to sustain this change? 2. Hot weather of my city has been an obstacle for me. But insha-allah i will make it happen, insha-allah soon...

    my little sister- Anxious Soul does not want to hurt her mother but convince her. she finds it hard to go against her mother's will. she is in dilemma for the same. but i hope insha-allah if she continues with her efforts, she will win.

    Thank you dear sister for sharing your experience which boosted my spirit.

    Your Sister

    • Thank you both so much dear sisters.I need continual motivation, in order to keep my spirits high.It made me feel a lot better, coming home after work and reading your responses.I hope I prevail, somehow and my mom softens towards it as well.@ Amel : Kudos to you for having the courage to prevail for hijab, as a new revert it must have been twice as hard for you, but still you kept up with it.You're truly an inspiration to me.I hope I find my courage as well. @ Ray of Hope : your posts always cheer me up, today is no exception.No sis, it wasn't like that at all, not a matter of the heart, it was more of a familial issue than a personal one, but nonetheless it was agonizing, I wouldn't wish a time like that on my enemy.The stress was on the brain, not the heart, I would say I went through brain break, not heart break :) I also now realize I reacted more strongly and took more tension than other people might normally have, because I've always lived a very sheltered life and this was my first exposure to how harsh life can be.But on the other hand, Alhumdullilah, that time is past now and I often think I wouldn't have become closer to Allah, and tried to learn about Islam if I wouldn't have gone through that time.So great good did come out of bad.
      Thank you once again dear sisters.May Allah shower His blessings upon us all, Ameen.Eid Mubarak to both of you and to every one reading this.Have a meaty Eid ul Azha!

    • @ Ray of Hope : Sis, I honestly think that no matter how pious the lady might be, it is always best if you do the Istikhara yourself, because only you yourself know your situation best, and are directly involved in it.I don't know how correct this is Islamically, but this is what I would think, for myself and therefore this is what I am advising you.May Allah keep His protection upon you always and guide you in all matters, Ameen.

      • Dear little Sister

        as-salam-alaikum

        i had pasted the info i had read on internet, those are not my words. i also feel that one should does istikhara yourself.

        thank god its not so, well family issues are life long, they keep on coming :-) there is no escape from them :-)

        keep your efforts alive, dont give up ever, insha-allah you will get success in your mission!

        Today i am fasting (nafl Roza which is kept a day prior to eid ul adha).

        Take Care

  49. read this one..it naturally reminds me of you being a medical professional. sharing with you

    How can I look professional while covering my hair and chest?
    I live in Pakistan and have been wearing hijab for quite some time but only recently started to wear abaya when I go out in public. I'm a doctor [and] the 'normal' dress code here is shalwar kameez and most of the time, it's not very modest. Wearing a hijab plus a dupatta to cover properly is too messy, [with] a lot of loose fabric to worry about. I've also tried converting the dupatta into a hijab, to varied success. I'd like some ideas on hijab over shalwar kameez or trousers. Also, while working I wear an overall over [my] shalwar kameez with a hijab, but am advised to keep [the] buttons closed and hijab [tucked] in. It looks really odd as I'm also 'well endowed.'
    How can I achieve a professional look while covering my head PLUS chest adequately?
    Doctor in Distress
    ***
    Dear Distressed,
    Walaikum Asalaam.

    First off, You Rock.

    Please know that every time a Muslim woman decides to study medicine, my heart sings a happy little song. My religion teacher always stresses that the most important professions for Muslim women to tackle (aside from being good mothers, which is obvi the hardest job in the world) are medicine and teaching. And you my friend, are making an entire community of Muslim women (and of course your parents) very, very proud.
    Now, onto your fashion dilemma.

    When it comes to working in a medical environment, I would assume that you need to be hands-free at all times. Which means that there is no tucking your hair back into your scarf, flipping your dupatta over your shoulder, or fidgeting with your clothes, which is why I have two words for you: Safety Pins.
    They are the key to holding everything in place, and it might take a few extra minutes in the morning, but if you can be tucked and secure before you leave the house, you'll feel pulled together and confident all day.
    You mentioned that the cultural “shalwaar kameez” is part of the normal dress code at work. Well, who wants to be “normal” anyway? I think it's overrated. There is a difference between dress code, and uniform, and if it's not what you have to wear, then you should wear what makes you feel comfortable, and what will allow you to do your job well.

    If you want to wear your abaya to work, then I suggest nixing the shalwaar kameez all together. That way you don't have to worry about feeling like your clothes aren't modest enough, and you won't have to figure out what to do with the dupatta. Go for a pair of slacks (or even scrubs if you're allowed) with a comfortable, weather-appropriate shirt, and then wear your abaya over top. I suggest you wear something under your abaya that you will be comfortable being seen publicly in -- in the event you need to remove your abaya. I don't know that any reason will arise, but if there were to be an emergency situation where all Muslim women had to remove their abayas immediately, then you probably don't want to be caught in a Tweety Bird tank top and a pair of capris.

    I'm just saying.
    You might also want to consider hemming your abaya a few inches for mobility. I wouldn't suggest that if you were headed to the mosque, or out with friends, but in a fast-paced environment like a hospital, or doctor's office, slits, or a hem will likely prove to be your good friends – and with slacks underneath, you won't have to worry about exposed legs.

    I'm not sure what an “overall” is, but I'm imagining it to look somewhat like an apron. In that case, I wouldn't worry about the fact that you are well endowed. It sounds like your endowments are well hidden under all those garments, though I would suggest you read this post anyway. Mostly because I wrote it, but also because it could help you find stuff to wear outside of work.

    And lastly, about tucking your hijab into your clothes, I would say it's not really that big of a deal while you're at work. It's not that I don't think you should look and feel good at work (because you should) but unless it's absolutely unbearable to do so, you should follow the rules of your workplace even if you don't agree with them -- as long as they're not hindering your personal, religious or moral belief system. I'm sure that even in a predominately Muslim country like Pakistan, there are hijab critics who aren't shy to let you know how they feel. And if that's the case, even more of a reason to follow the “hijab rules” (i.e. tucking it into your clothes) to show everyone that hijab doesn't hinder your work ethic, skill level, or your ambitions.
    If you still feel like your chest is too exposed when tucking in your hijab, even with your abaya and overall on, maybe you should consider wearing a sports bra to work. That will significantly minimize the shape of your upper body, and probably also make you feel like a track star, which I think is a total win-win.

    Comments
    • nihad 3 years ago
    Hi! im a muslim medico too so i thought i could add a few tips of my own. i used to wear salwar kameez with an al amira hijab which i could safely tuck inside my apron. dupatta in my handbag for later use outside the hospital. sometimes i used square scarf with safety pins. u can always wear trousers n shirts instead of the salwar kameez.
    Ayesha 3 years ago
    Distressed, can you find an underscarf in Pakistan? If not, you can always take a large square piece of cotton and tie it over your head to cover hair completely. Layer the dupatta over your head and wear it typical Pakistani style, without spreading it completely over your chest. Pin it securely to the underscarf and pin the ends securely over your shoulders. This is a lot I pull everytime I wear shalwar kameez in US and it gets a lot of compliments and high approval ratings from my mom =)

    I read another interesting post, here it goes…
    Support/Tips for Wearing Hijab
    SISTER SARAH WRITES: Hi sisters I am very much considering wearing hijab but the decision is just not so easy to take :((( ANY tips ???

    ADEEB: You are wearing it to please Allaah and not the society. Dont care what they think cuz on Qiyaamah they cant benefit u nor harm u
    only Allaah can ;)

    AGUSTIN: All starts must be difficult but sist Sarah believes that Allah will help us if we do everything just 4Him.we all support u sist..

    YASMEEN: When you know that you are covering to please your Lord and how you show obedience to Him. We are not hear on earth to worship our families, our friends or anyone else. Islam is a lifestyle not a fad. Walk with your hijab on and be confident in yourself. You are a beautiful Muslimah who deserves respect . . . Begin with Bismillah

    HUWAIDA: it definitely it not easy, and i think we all had our own personal fears and concerns when we chose to wear hijab....but just make duaa, and remember that you are not walking alone in your journey, Allah (swt) is right there with you 100%, all the time, and the initial fear and hesitation and uncertainity just melts away and you find this incredible inner peace, and innner strength that you never knew you had.......
    RANA: Its not a easy decision to make..I was always afraid that i would die before i wore hijab... I finally got myself to make that decision..Sister, by wearing ur hijab, u will walk with confidence, u will also feel so proud of urself to have given up the things that do not matter just to please GOD.
    I will never forget the tears in my fathers eyes the day i wore hijab....May God Bless his soul!!!!!!!!
    SIMA: Sis, I had a non-Muslim mom and etc circumstances and you know only Allah Subahnhu wa Ta'ala knows..there were times astaghfirullah i thought wearing hijab was but a dream.........but have hope...what's fard has not been made impossible ( i say this to myself and a reminder to myself first before you) but you have to WANT TO WEAR IT..it got to a point Alhamdulillah where it pained me to see sisters wearing hijab and i couldnt! have this burning desire to please Allah Subhanhu wa Ta'ala and the hijab is an obligation...and it's so beautiful..sis you may feel uncomfortable for a day or even a week..Allahu alaam..but soon after bi'ithnillah you'll feel like a princess! one sister told me hijab is like our crown - it makes you feel so protected and precious...and most of all you're serving our Creator Allah Subhanhu wa Ta'ala.put it on sis and you wont regret it .i know it's hard - there's steps i still need to take..it's a journey and a process..but i really do encourae you to take this first step insha'Allah Ta'ala. you have 1.5 billion Muslims supporting and millions of sisters here supporting you and cheering for youbut most of all you have Al-Wali, you have our Rabb Allah Subhanhu wa Ta'ala.try to wake up for tahajjud and pray for strength, make du'a and .. just put it on insha'Allah Ta'ala...for the sake of Allah Subhanhu wa Ta'ala.may you be rewarded for any suffering, pain, abuse, anxiety you go through, and may the difficult be made easy. Ameen

  50. “Aaj Khuda ki hum par ho Meharbani,
    Karde maf hum logo ki sari Nafarmani,
    Eid K din aj aao mil k karain yeh hi wada,
    Khuda ki hi rahon main hum chalain gay sada.
    Sare Musalmanon ko “EID UL ADHA MUBARAK.”

    Dear Sister,

    On the holy &; pious occasion of Eid-ul-Adha may the blessings of Allah (swt) upon you & your family throughout the life with happiness & open all the doors of success & happiness for you. Aameen

    Your Sister

    • Thank you once again for the heads up!!!!!A very heartful Eid Mubarak to you and your family too, sis and try and enjoy yourself as much as possible tomorrow, have loads of fun dressing up and making yummy dishes, and stuffing yourself!:-)
      P.S :I read this just now, wanted to share:
      "Had Allah lifted the veil for his slave and shown him how He handles his affairs for him, and how Allah is more keen for the benefit of the slave than his own self, his heart would have melted out of the love for Allah and would have been torn to pieces out of thankfulness to Allah. Therefore, if the pains of this world tire you, do not grieve. For it may be that Allah wishes to hear your voice by way of duaa. So pour out your desires in prostration and forget about it and know; that verily Allah does not forget it."
      - Ibn al Qayyim

  51. as-salam-alaikum

    dear little sister

    what a wonderful words...how true isnt it....

    about operation purdah, well seeing my new wardrobe (Full sleeves, long tunics, loose fittings) my elder sister as well as my brother's wife have also chosen to change their way of dressing...no more short sleeves, no more net dupatta etc. i had a discussion with my Bhabi about my trying to start covering head. she supported me and she even said that i am inspiring all to right path (islam) in one way or another. it feels great to me. of course, i have a long way to go but it comforts when i see people around changing for good.

    i believe in simplicity and my joy on festivals or otherwise is with kids only. i had great time with my kids. i played ludo with them, i cracked jokes with them, laughed together with them, getting sweets & other eating stuff for them and seeing them enjoying..if you want to experience true happiness, play with kids...their innocence will make you forget all pain of this world.

    howz things at your end...did you had any talk with your mother about operation purdah....keep posted allah hafiz

  52. As-salam-alaikum dear little sister,

    was thinking of you so here i am to drop a line to say salam to you.

    Why Do I Wear Hijab?

    I probably do not fit into the preconceived notion of a “rebel”. I have no visible tattoos and minimal piercing. I do not possess a leather jacket. In fact, when most people look at me, their first thought usually is something along the lines of “oppressed female.” The brave individuals who have mustered the courage to ask me about the way I dress usually have questions like: “Do your parents make you wear that?” or “Don’t you find that really unfair?”

    A while back, a couple of girls in Montreal were kicked out of school for dressing like I do. It seems strange that a little piece of cloth would make for such controversy. Perhaps the fear is that I am harboring an Uzi underneath it! Of course, the issue at hand is more than a mere piece of cloth. I am a Muslim woman who, like millions of other Muslim women across the globe, chooses to wear the hijab. And the concept of the hijab, contrary to popular opinion, is actually one of the most fundamental aspects of female empowerment.

    When I cover myself, I make it virtually impossible for people to judge me according to the way I look. I cannot be categorized because of my attractiveness or lack thereof.

    Compare this to life in today’s society: We are constantly sizing one another up on the basis of our clothing, jewelry, hair and makeup. What kind of depth can there be in a world like this? Yes, I have a body, a physical manifestation upon this Earth. But it is the vessel of an intelligent mind and a strong spirit. It is not for the beholder to leer at or to use in advertisements to sell everything from beer to cars!

    Because of the superficiality of the world in which we live, external appearances are so stressed that the value of the individual counts for almost nothing. It is a myth that women in today’s society are liberated! What kind of freedom can there be when a woman can not walk down the street without every aspect of her physical self being “checked out”?

    When I wear the hijab I feel safe from all of this. I can rest assured that no one is looking at me and making assumptions about my character from the length of my skirt. There is a barrier between me and those who would exploit me. I am first and foremost a human being, equal to any man, and not vulnerable because of my sexuality.

    One of the saddest truths of our time is the question of the beauty myth and female self-image. Reading popular teenage magazines, you can instantly find out what kind of body image is “in” or “out.” and if you have the “wrong” body type, well, then, you’re just going to have to change it, aren’t you? After all, there is no way that you can be overweight and still be beautiful.

    Look at any advertisement. Is a woman being used to sell the product? How old is she? How attractive is she? What is she wearing? More often than not, that woman will be no older than her early 20s, taller, slimmer and more attractive than average, dressed in skimpy clothing. Why do we allow ourselves to be manipulated like this?

    Whether the 90s woman wishes to believe it or not, she is being forced into a mold. She is being coerced into selling herself, into compromising herself. This is why we have 13-year-old girls sticking their fingers down their throats and overweight adolescents hanging themselves.

    When people ask me if I feel oppressed, I can honestly say no. I made this decision out of my own free will. I like the fact that I am taking control of the way other people perceive me. I enjoy the fact that I don’t give anyone anything to look at and that I have released myself from the bondage of the swinging pendulum of the fashion industry and other institutions that exploit females.

    My body is my own business. Nobody can tell me how I should look or whether or not I am beautiful. I know that there is more to me than that. I am also able to say “no” comfortably then people ask me if I feel as though my sexuality is being repressed. I have taken control of my sexuality. I am thankful I will never have to suffer the fate of trying to lose/gain weight or trying to find the exact lipstick shade that will go with my skin color. I have made choices about what my priorities are and these are not among them.

    So next time you see me, don’t look at me sympathetically. I am not under duress or a male-worshipping female captive from those barbarous Arabic deserts! I’ve been liberated.

  53. AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister,

    I can't find anything new to add to what has been said on this forum. Though I just wanted you to know that, your brothers and sisters are in support with your good intention to start wearing Hijab. If you haven't started yet, please just do it right away. If you have started already, then keep it up and be constant. As there is a Hadith in Bukhari narrated by Sayyidah 'Aisha (r.a) saying: The Prophet (s.a.w.s) was asked, "What deeds are loved most by Allah?" He said, "The most regular constant deeds even though they may be few."

    This is just my short motivation for you, and you need it.

    May Allah assist you Sister.

    P.S.
    You mentioned that you read the Holy Quran in English, and I am very glad to hear that Maha'Allah. However, I would also suggest you start learning to read it in Arabic as well, if you haven't done so yet.

    Feel free to ask questions regarding your matter here, and your brothers and sister here will be glad to answer you and give you the continual motivation you need, Insha'Allah.

  54. Walekum Salam Brother Issah,

    Thank you so much for your motivated words. Jazakallahu khairan.

    The above mentioned story i had read on internet. I am in process of learning and adapting myself as per Islam. i have been ignorant about various aspects of Islam and have committed grave mistakes but now i am overcoming past life and trying to improve myself. following Islamic dress code is one of my agenda just like Sister Anxious Soul. so far i have got a new wardrobe to match with Islamic requirements but i am yet to start covering my head. since i am trying to get close to my deen, i have been constantly troubled by shaitani waswasa of various kinds so i am trying to cope with them as i want to be on right path but since i live in a totally non islamic atmosphere (family and around) hence things are not easy for me. about covering head, i am making my intention strong enough so can sustain this big change, i am going slow and steady to get used to everything. Insha-allah soon i will start covering head too. we (me and my little sister Anxious Soul) need constant support and motivation to make this happen and i feel thankful to you for motivating us. Insha-allah we will make it possible soon. aameen

    Your Sister

    • AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister

      I am glad to know that you are in the process of learning and adapting yourself as per Islam. I really like to hear my sisters make such good intentions towards finding Allah (s.w.t).

      I have already seen some of your comments on other forums, and they sounded very perfect, especially when you quoted verses from the Holy Quran, Masha'Allah. If you try a little more, you could be a scholar of Islam you know?! There are many other sisters out there whom might want to listen to you, Insha'Allah. May Allah assist you!

      Anyway, I would like to know what is really preventing you from wearing the Hijab now. Though you mentioned that you live in a totally non islamic atmosphere (family and around). But I still would like to know how that will really affect you, when you start wearing the Hijab now. Let me know and then we will see what you should do Insha'Allah.

  55. Thank you both @ Ray of Hope, for your continual motivation and Br. Issah for your kind words.I know the best thing would be to start right away, everyday this point stings at me but I just, just cannot bring myself to start this without my mom's support.I have never done anything in my life without asking my mom first, even at this mature age, and we are very emotionally attached and dependent on each other!I know this is not a valid point at all, and I accept that I am wrong, and my mom supports me vigorously in improving myself in religion in all other points..except this.I must confess , I did not expect her to be quite so rigid on this, but I would like to try my best to persuade her first somehow.Anyways, Thanks a lot, both of you and keep me in your prayers.
    P.s Br Issah: I do read the Quran in Arabic first, and then I read the translation in English.I generally love to read a lot, since childhood, and am a very fast reader, but I feel it is irreverent to read the Quran like it is some novel, so I try to read it slowly so the translation would sink in and I try to ponder over the verses.It is an uphill task at times since I'm used to reading very fast, but I know it's worth it.

  56. AsSalaamu Alaikum sister

    I am glad to know that you read th Holy Quran in Arabic together with the translation, Masha'Allah. Also you are right, you shouldn't read it fast. Allah says, "...and chant the Quran rhythmically. (Quran 73: 4) And this can happen well if you recite it slowly, while you think of the meanings of its verses. Also, when you find time, you could learn Arabic and then be able to read the Quran without translation, Insha'Allah.

    As to your Hijab, can you really tell what exactly in particular is the reason, why your Mom disapproves of it? Is it for her personal issue or for the environment you live in? Let me know so we could see what would be the best for you Insha'Allah. May Allah soften your Mom's heart!!!

    • Well, its really hard for me to explain here, you would have to know my mom and see what sort of personality she has, and see her relationship with me, in order to understand what the problem is, and I feel disloyal even trying to explain because for me she is the most wonderful thing on God's earth and my best friend and I love her more than words can say, and it's my life's purpose to keep her and my dad happy.I'm not a very 'girly' person, I hate makeup and jewellery and clothes shopping obsession, mostof the time I couldn't care less what I wear, and its always been her who does my shopping for me and it gives her so much happiness to see me stylishly dressed and well groomed that I do it just for her, to see that big smile on her face.And she's just not a very happy person and quite rigid in her views and she is too old to change, and she tends to fret over the smallest of things, so I just try to give her whatever small happinesses I can and I feel even that is far too less because the amount of love she has given me and all the sacrifices she's made for me and my siblings is enough to fill up a thousand galaxies, honestly.And she is immune to any sort of debate or discussion.I know this excuse sounds quite lame, but like I said, its very hard for me to explain here.Her point of view is simply that there's more to life and Islam than covering my head and that I should improve my self in other aspects rather than doing this.So that's why.

      • AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister,

        Your response has made it more complicated to tackle the issue, especially when you said your Mom is immune to any sort of debate or discussion. Though, I have understood that your Mom is a very nice Mom, who wants the best for you, Masha Allah. However, I think there wouldn't be anything that a Mom could ever like for her daughter, which would be better than what Allah wants for her. But as you said, I need to see your Mom first, to understand her.

        But my question is that, what will really happen if you start wearing the Hijab now? Maybe you should start wearing it gradually and then keep on talking to your Mom about it, and telling her how happy you feel in it, and how much blessings and rewards you are gaining from Allah.she will one day accept it, Insha'Allah since she wants the best for your happiness. But for you to just expect that she will one day agree to it, without you doing anything currently isn't a good thing to do. We all do not know how much lives are left for us to meet Allah. And the Prophet (s.a.w.s) has advised us to make use of our lives before our deaths, and our youthfulness before we get old. How many of our lives are we ready now, to sacrifice in the cause of following the rules of Allah?How many of our lives are gone already without that?

        Allah the Almighty says:

        "Say, “If your parents, and your children, and your siblings, and your spouses, and your relatives, and the wealth you have acquired, and a business you worry about, and homes you love, are more dear to you than God, and His Messenger, and the struggle in His cause, then wait until God executes His judgment.” God does not guide the sinful people." (Quran 9: 24)

  57. As-salam-alaikum

    Brother Issah,

    My little Sister Anxious Soul has already given her reasons. Mine is that i am overcoming depression and a past life wherein i committed a grave sin and while overcoming, i have got so many issues to deal with/changes all at once that i am working to stable myself simultaneously trying to learn about our deen and to practice the same. my main problem is that i belong to such family wherein we follow moral values but are not aware of Islam as such. In upbringing, we did not have any formal Islamic teaching of holy Quran or otherwise. though i did learn recitation of Holy Quran in Arabic during my teenage but without meaning and i could not understand its importance and i could not realize about our deen till i got my breakdown in life. now when i am learning about my deen, i have been constantly troubled by shaitani waswasa of various kinds. I am really struggling with them. about covering head, i feel puzzled as no one around me does the same. i fear if i will not able to sustain this big change and i dont want to sound stupid or hypocrite. i feel if i wont look good in it, but on other hand, i want to wear it. But trust me, i really want to wear it, but to accept this whole heartedly and without any doubt or fear, i first have changed my wardrobe and have been learning about our deen so i can inspire myself out of love for Allah (Swt) and due to fear of him as well. (aameen) I also dont know how to wear a hijab. i bought some ready made one called al amira but they didnt suit me at all. weather of my city (hot summer) were also a reason but now winter are approaching and insha-allah i will start wearing it to get used to it during winter so can sustain during summer as well. " If you try a little more, you could be a scholar of Islam you know?" thank you for motivating me, now i am trying to learn meaning of surah and i quote the same while answering people's questions. i am again insha-allah starting proper recitation of holy quran under a Maulana (islamic scholar who teaches my nieces). i wish if i really could become a scholar of Islam. Insha-allah i will if he(allah swt) wills. i just seek refuse in hiim from Shaitan and his waswasa. please remember me in your duas.

    your sister.

    • AsSalaamu Alaikum Sister,

      I understand all your points here. And I understand your intention is good regarding the Hijab. Though you said you will wear it in the winter before the next summer, right Insha Allah? But I was thinking you should start wearing it now and then see how it feels like, before the winter Insha Allah. As I believe the weather -right now- is not as hot as in the summer. But even if the weather is very hot, it will never be able to reach the heat on the day of Qiyamah, you know? Allah says: "..And they said, “Do not venture out in the heat.” Say, “The Fire of Hell is much hotter, if they only understood.” (Quran 9: 81). So Try to wear it now before the winter, like you may start by wearing it once in a while, and then wear it constantly in the winter. I think if you do it this way, it may help you sustain it in the next summer Isha Allah. What do you think, my Sister? Also, you said you don't know how to wear the Hijab, right? I think you can just search into youtube and learn from there insha Allah.

      I am also glad about your good intention to be a scholar of Islam. It takes making your intention wholeheartedly for Allah, plus good determination for one to achieve such a goal Insha Allah. May Allah assist you Sister-Keep it up. You really have all my motivations Insha'Allah. "...And when you make a decision, put your trust in God; God loves the trusting. (Quran 3: 159)

  58. we have been living in a house for last 25 years...

    (remainder of comment deleted by Editor).

    • Ray of Hope, I apologize for not explaining clearly in the past how this website works. It is not like an open discussion forum or bulletin board where anyone can post endlessly about anything. On this website, we only allow comments that are relevant to the original post and intended to guide or advise the poster. Therefore I have deleted about a dozen of your comments this morning.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Ray of Hope: I read all your comments, just before they got deleted.I apologize if my last post was too harsh, my intention was not to judge you or make you feel bad, but simply to scold you out of an extremely bad decision.You say I don't know what hell your life has been.Well sis, I don't know even one person who hasn't gone through hell in their own way or some very grave crisises sometime in life, including myself.This is not to say that I undermine your suffering,I know it's easy to comment and NOT so easy to walk a mile in the other person's shoes. I truly felt very upset reading about your family's behavior and pray with all my heart that things get better for you. And I do understand that human nature is such that we tend to gravitate towards love, in which ever form we can find it.But I just don't think these things justify your being into a secret relationship which has absolutely no future as far as I can see, unless he converts and sends a proposal in an honorable way, the chances of which don't seem very bright.You are a dignified Muslim lady, you deserve honorable marriage, no less.And wouldn't you advise the same to any other woman in the same situation on this forum?I repeat, I was not judging you, simply scolding you, the same way I would scold my own sis or close friend if she were in the same situation.Maybe you are far better then me in Allah's view, who am I to judge anyone?
      Sis, I don't know you, your name,from where you are or anything about you apart from what you yourself have told in your posts.Whatever course of action you decide to take will have absolutely no impact on me or anyone else, only on you.But for the sake of Allah and for the sake of the universal sisterhood of women, I beseech you and PLEAD with you not to resume this relationship, it will only lead to further disaster for yourself.Please.May Allah always guide you and keep you under His protection, Ameen.

  59. I have read the views of the abovemention 25 years old girl. Actually she has stated a fact that most of the are wear duppata and scarf on ther heads ut most of the half hair and their figures are also visible hence such duppata/scarfs of fashionable girls/women can not serve real purdah with according to islamic rules etc

    Islam says that all muslim women should observed purdah in which no any one hair and others figures should be visble.But such real islamic culture was existed juust 70 years ago. the domestic women did their all domestic works of their own houses. they stitched their own cloths at home in stead of stitching their cloths from tailoring shops .the women were not fond of fashonable and in those days, there was no tv and vcr.

    But now most of the women now become out of control. they become most fashionable. they are stitiching cloths from tailoring shops where male tailor master are measuring their body.similarly, the women are now wearing tight cloths, they are getting their haircutting from barbershops, Burqa is now become out of fashion, similarly, the tv programmes have spoiled the characters of women. now there is left harly ten %age women who are observing the real rules of islamic law.

    Now there is only one real islamic country in the world ie Saudi ARAB, where islamic laws are existed because the king of saudi ara have imposed islamic laws stricly because it is the responsibility of the king of the Saudi Arab to maintain the islamic laws in the saudi arab and to ban all unislamic activities and it is a facts that there is existed a real islamic government. Now Pakistan can also become a real islamic country of the world if our govt of pakistan should imposed islamic laws in this islamic country of pakistan by banning all the unislamic activities and to ban all the tv programmes which are spoiling the moral characters of the pakistani women. NEXT in EPISODE NO-2
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    COMMENTS writen by

    RAJA GHAZANFAR ALI KHAN ADOWALIYA
    MA(Political Science), BA( Mass Comm), DA(Elect)
    IQBAL TOWN, Khana Kak, RAWALPINDI

    11-07-2014

    • Raja, if your only definition of an Islamic government is that they make the women cover their hair in public, then yes, the Saudi monarchy is Islamic. However, if you broaden your definition to include human rights, concern for the Ummah, and personal character, then you see that the Saudi royalty are corrupt, greedy and self-interested.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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