Converted Guatemalan Muslimah and Turkish husband

Alslam Alaikum

I married less than a month ago, my husband is Turkish, I am a Converted Muslimah Alhamdullilah and Guatemalan, and we are having some issues I think, and I would like to find the best way to solve and deal with them Inshallah.

so here are some Issues:

1. No one in his family knows that we are married, nor his friends ( i know friends is not a requirement because they are male and I am female, but he has not told anyone that he is married). I asked him why and he said he was going to do it when he was ready, He wanted to marry previously but his mother according to what he said did not approve, then again he asked and this girl is from somalia and his mother again did not approve. As far as my family they all know. I have been previously married before, have two children from that marriage. and I don’t to what extent might be affecting me.

2. He came one day and told me that he wanted to see how things where in one year, and I read that you cannot condition marriage, it is our duty to commit to each other, respect and love each other, and put things, actions and thoughts in Allah’s hands, then he said that his contract was going to be finished in one year, and I told him that I would go with him.

3. He is very moody and I am very sensitive, he is extremely quiet and sometimes way to serious, I’m a chatter box ( as he calls me) and childish sometimes.

4. I do my duties as a wife, as well as I have a small business in translation, to be honest I take care of my expenses and the kids, he still has the apartment where he used to live and Inshallah he will end the contract by the end of july.

5. He can sleep 4 hours and function perfectly, I am trying, and I am so exausted, I am not a night person at all, but is the only time I have to spend with him, but during the day I have the kids, the business and the house and I need to figure out a way to make sure everything is ok.

6. Language and cultural Issues is very hard

7. Love he says he loves me in between meaning not that he doesn’t love me but he doesn’t love me very much either. then I found an email from the somali gril and they where seeing each other at Isha in the masjid where he used to live and sometimes he goes there and I don’t know if they are seing each other and I am praying to Allah to take those thoughts of my head and heart

Can you advice me please? Inshallah I will be able to find answers for all of my questions

Ma Salama

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Written by noor2704 on January 20th, 2008 with 6 comments.
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Get your own gravatar by visiting gravatar.com Raashid
#1. January 24th, 2008, at 10:22 AM.

Assalamu aleikum sister, I would be careful, I hear many stories of Muslim men exploiting new reverted sisters in this manner. Sometimes they get married and when they have had enough they leave without fulfilling theor obligations. You should confront him and if he continues to evade his responsibility you will know his real intentions. Also try and contact his family if you can.

Get your own gravatar by visiting gravatar.com noor2704
#2. January 24th, 2008, at 2:16 PM.

Alslam Alaikum:

All the issues where solved, Alhamdullilah, I believe now that both of us where afraid, but we have tried our best to make things work. I can say after being married now for 7 months that It was not only him but me in many ways, put it this way is like East meets West, culture and habits are different but with Allah’s blessing is easier to overcome the obstacles. now I understand Is not only one way is both ways, I have learned many many things and I can say SubhanAllah I married him, I was able to meet him and share, that Allah gave me the opportunity to love him. I can tell the whole world that I love him with all of my heart. He is amazing, sometimes hardheaded but he is very special, He loves my children so much, I know now that Besides being my husband, he became my teacher and my best friend.
My advice is always put your trust in Allah in every decision you make in your life, remember always Allah knows best.
have learned that patience and willingness can take you long ways.

Ma’Salama

Get your own gravatar by visiting gravatar.com wael
#3. January 29th, 2008, at 11:56 AM.

Sister, good to hear that things are going well, but I’d like to know, has he introduced you to his family and friends yet? Because if not then that is a real concern and a problem. Marriage in Islam is not supposed to be kept secret and if he is keeping it secret from his family then it could indicate some lack of sincerity on his part.

Get your own gravatar by visiting gravatar.com noor2704
#4. January 30th, 2008, at 1:43 AM.

Alsalam Alaikum:

I don’t know when this posting will be added. When I first wrote this blog was last year in June, The second one in November, I got divorced on December of 2007, I’m on my waiting period but I will not take back anything regarding my feelings and the positive things I mentioned before,:) on the contrary I admit that I love him very much.
SubhanAllah I got to meet him, and I got to experience, share and learn, from and with him.
One thing I cannot deny and I will always treasure in my heart is the love he had for my children, yes he never told his family nor his friends and maybe that was the main reason for my mistrust and arguments sometimes, but I admire and respect the love and devotion for his parents specially his mother, the desire to please them and honor them,MashAllah. and I believe that he is trying to do what we are thought as Muslims that first we must obey Allah ( karim), then the Prophet Muhammad ( peace be upon Him) then our mother, again our mother and again our mother, then our father, and for that I cannot judge him on the contrary I respect and admire him.
That he should have courage and be honest and sincere from that part yes, but things happen for a reason and Allah knows best. We both learned that the word Talaq cannot be taken loosely, it doesn’t matter how angry upset or sad you are, always put Allah first not matter what. We definitely learned how much we cared for each other, we did not part ways as enemies on the contrary we tried to help each other the best way we could until the end. He is now in back in Turkey and I am here in The US and now I know that he loves me very much, and he knows that I loves him very much, but we learned our lesson as I said before. we are now only brother and sister in Islam,
But He changed my life, he gave me knowledge molded my character in a positive way doesn’t mean I’m not my self on the contrary I am my self but improved for better I think, ( smile) InshAllah. I am very thankful to Allah for that. AlhamdulAllah.
Wallah I wish him all of the best in this world, all the blessings, happiness and prosperity. I hope Allah grants him a wife that can love him and appreciate him more than I do InshAllah, and to have lots of offspring’s. I’m sure He’ll make an amazing dad and I’m sure InshAllah she will make an amazing mother.

Get your own gravatar by visiting gravatar.com bare
#5. August 24th, 2008, at 3:18 PM.

Alhamdullilah sister,
good to hear that things are doing well for you and your marriage. It always helps to be firm in our faith and practises and trust in Allah. May allah swt guides us to the right way.. insya allah.

Get your own gravatar by visiting gravatar.com darkblue
#6. August 30th, 2008, at 3:09 PM.

Hi Ma Salama,

I’ve just read your story and felt pity for you. Life seems to be difficult for you and you don’t have the sufficient help of your husband. First of all, trust Allah and pray Him to guide you and show you the right decision. Allah knows the best. But He wants us to act for our purposes in this world.

I can’t understand why yur husband still hides his marriage from his family, sooner or later they will find about this. So why postponing all the time? This makes me suspicious abou him. And you also say that he may be seeing another girl and as far as I can understand this disturbs you a lot. In fact, it does every woman.

I’m Turkish and I live in Turkey. Here in my country I hear lots of stories like this, Turkish men marry abroad and later on they come back and marry again in Turkey, I hope yours is not one of these stories. Because there are also the ones who marry outside and commited to their marriage until death. May Allah help you, He is the only One who knows all.

darkblue, TURKEY

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