How can he deal with stubborn and oppressive parents?
I have already suffered before in my final years of high school. My parents forced me to study science subjects that I wasn't interested in, and I found it extremely difficult to concentrate in them so I didn't get as high marks as they wanted. Due to my inability to concentrate in those subjects, I gave up (in the hope to study online) and I scored rather low. So I have been blamed and insulted a lot for this. I have also been shamed by them in front of family and friends. Many times my father has threatened to throw me out of the house. My parents say that because of me, they are embarrassed to go in front of society. They also mention how my cousins in Pakistan and the UK are doing so well in their studies, and how some of them are becoming doctors and engineers. I am compared with practically everyone.
I have received university offers, however my parents are increasing their blackmailing, violent threats and harrassments as they did when I was in high school- just so I will study what they want me to. They say nothing is supposed to be easy in life, and they give me lectures through a worldly perspective. They believe anything is possible through hard work, even if it may cause me great pain and unnecessary difficulty. They have a 'no pain, no gain' attitude.
I have shown them a previous fatwa from the site IslamQA which says that parents can not force their children to study or work in something they do not like (http://islamqa.info/en/147294), however my parents do not listen, still quote ayats and hadiths about obedience, and use various emotional blackmailing tactics on me. For example, my mother pleads that if I don't do as my father says, my father will send us overseas and stop supporting us. My mother also says I will only be rewarded for going through difficulties for their sake if I genuinely work hard. And she is a tafseer teacher at the masjid.
When I tell her about my Islamic rights, she tells me to go away and says I am selfish and uncaring, even after I bring proof from Islamic sources.
Another problem was that I did not want to study in a mixed university due to my high hormones problem at this age, but they still insist. When I showed them a fatwa on it not being permissible to attend a mixed uni and it being better to seek education via distance means, they ignored me and said that I need experience in the outside world. (http://islamqa.info/en/45883) They, especially my father, believes I don't know what I am talking about since he is so 'experienced' and I am not.
My father initially wanted me to apply for government benefits which I am eligible for. Now he is not letting me do that and says I can only work. That means I lose out on 270 dollars per fortnight which I could have put to good use. He says he has no trust in me after my high school marks.
What is your advice to those of us with such stubborn parents?''
Tagged as: blackmail, controlling parents, Education, frustration, university, verbal abuse