Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Dealing with heartbreak and loneliness far away from home

Young woman looking thoughtful, pensive

I traveled here in middle east for a job after college. I chose to work outside my country because I encountered a lot of trials since I can remember growing up, with the hopes to have a good career and live a good life differently from what I had.

I grew up in a messed family and I find comfort even as a child with my friends. So in short I don't have the regular family set up or the normal one. At a young age I can remember my aunt telling me that I am very independent. at that time I don't know what that means, all I know independent means one. When I started at the age of 16 to work for college fees that's when I realized what she meant for that. Growing up in not a normal family means no support of love or affection like what a parent has on their child. I didn't experience that.

I had a relationship for 2 years, but that relationship I found out was full of lies even if I did all I have to do to save it and fight for it. Those things push me to travel and try my luck to have the good and happy life I always wanted.

After a year of working here I met someone, I entered a relationship again then I understand his situation that he grew up here, his family are here, his friends so I just always wait for him to have time for me. After a year he asked me if I want to marry him, I said yes. One condition, I have to convert to Islam. I thought of it as a sign because I felt that I am losing my faith with God so I did. I studied with his help and internet. At that time I am about to change my company so I prioritized it and planned for studying in a center about my new faith. I have to change place because of my new company.

While I was 2 hours drive away from him, I found out he was cheating, that time as well I had my family problems and I got sick so I got angry with God as well so I stopped learning and praying my new faith.

After 5 months I returned to the city then we talked again. I asked him if he wanted to be with me again he said yes so we see each other thrice in a month and then a week after he suddenly block me on whatsapp then not replying back on my messages.

Until one Friday night he told me we are done. He has to study in u.s. and he doesn't want a long distance relationship. This time I don't feel anger like when I found out he was cheating. I feel so alone that even the company and advice of my friends is not helping me.

One Sunday morning I just find myself running to the nearest new Muslim center I found on Google. I feel so alone and I am hoping that going there learning to pray to get over of all those bad events and meeting new Muslim would make me feel better. I don't have him now to depend on learning my new faith. I really feel like giving up so I need people now whom I can talk to and teach me to trust Allah's will that there is hope that my life will be okay soon. I need help to move on.

sheiszahra


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7 Responses »

  1. Asalaamu alaikum sister,

    Your situation does sadden my heart as I'm sure it does any person who reads it. I am sorry for these selfish people ruining your life. The punishment for the crimes they are committing is severe and truly unfathomable. But know that God Most High is testing you to your core. And if you lose hope now, all will be in vain.

    Allah is with you, whether another mortal human is with you for a period of time or not, He is with you. You are in existence because of His Will, you are free from disease because of His Will, you have a Job because of His Will, and there will come a time when you and I will face Him, alone, naked and bare. At that time will we understand reality to its fullest. Please please please be patient sister because Allah loves you and you are special.

    Remember, the darkest part of the night announces dawn.

    I love you as my sister and you are not alone.

    • Beatifully said brother Ahmed. Alhamdulilah. The true test of faith is what happens when we think there is no one there for us.

    • i have stronger faith now but i still have high hopes that what happen to us is just my test of faith because i know that Allah is with me i just keep on denying him before but now i am back with Allah. i went to see this guy again and he told me it was his father's decision not to continue our plans to marry. i told him i will pray to Allah to soften his father's heart and change his mind but he told me once his father said no it will still be a no but i told him i believe that prayers can change his father's decision. i dont know why that even if everyone around me think and feel that this guy is a bad person for lying i still love him and i believe he feels the same way. it is haram and we did comitted zina but we repent and make it right for planning for marriage. but he told me wrong things cannot be corrected, but i told him no,it can be. so i told him i will still pray to make his father's decision to change. it maybe because i am just a convert or because ii am an southeast asian,or maybe because of my past and family background but it is not right to judge us because of it right? i believe that my feelings is still the same because it is Allah's will and He just wants me to trust him and put it in his hands since i run away from him many times but this is just his way of pulling me back to him.

  2. Subhana'Allah sister May Allah protect , guide you Amiin. Came pray to Allah that look for a sister Dawahs , there are all sister there to help Mashaa Allah . Look in Facebook MK Invide these are people who are devode to help . May Allah be with you and came guide you

  3. Seems like what you want, is to get closer to Allah. No human being can do that for you, all they can do is offer you advice and ways on how to, but implementing on them is up to you. The best way to start is reading the quran. Once you do this you will feel like your trust and faith itself is growing stronger, almost like a blessing. The only entity on earth that you can rely on is yourself, because your the one that can get yourself out of any problem and prevail over any trial put before you. Your one friend and ally that will help you and come to save you against the torment and darkness of the grave is the quran.

    • i have been attending classes in the center and everytime i felt like the topic is an advice for me.. i really can relate well.

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