Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How do you divorce in Islam?

divorce

What is the official way of divorcing in Islam?

Hi, I would like to know how do you divorce in Islam. I married at mosque with my husband in the Islamic way I think its called Nikah, we got a written contract that we both signed and indicated we were married at mosque.

We had a difficult marriage and one day my husband told me that he threw the paper away in one of those arguments.  Anyways, anytime we had a fight he would tell me that we were not married that he divorced me, but I don´t know much how you actually divorce in Islam.

One day he told me that all he had to do was tell 2 people that he divorced me and so he did to his friends, people I don´t even know. We stayed together for 2 more years after that. Just a couple months ago he said it was over and never came back. I assume he got involved with somebody else. He used to ask me to let him have another wife to make his family happy,  but I would never allow that and I told him that Islam says that as his wife I have to be ok with him marrying somebody else, otherwise,  if I'm not ok that other marriage is not legal in Islam. So, he cut all contact with me and didn´t even talk to me for us to end the relationship in a decent way.

I imagine he is trying to remarry and pretend nothing happened. But my question is how do you actually divorce in Islam and if he will commit haraam by marrying somebody else right now, knowing that we didnt end up the proper way. I mean he did this before of going away to his family whenever we had a fight and didn´t contacted me or answered my calls.

But we always came back together, I imagine many couples have their fights but how do you actually divorce in Islam?

Thanks

-Ameen


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14 Responses »

  1. As salamu alaykum Ameen,

    I would advise you to talk to a qualified person about your situation. But I will give you these details sister Leyla gave to us in other post:

    "I have taken this information from the following this website http://www.witness-pioneer.org/VMagazine/The_Pioneer/v1i1/13.Divorce_in_the_Light_of_Islam.html

    The grounds on which a wife can seek divorce from her husband in the courts are:

    Inability or refusal of the husband to maintain his wife (even if she happens to be rich, it is still the full responsibility of the husband to maintain her).

    Abuse / mistreatment (which includes beating and swearing, cursing and attempting to force her to do wrong).

    Impotence of her husband (in recognition of the wife's legitimate instinctive needs).

    Incurable, repulsive disease in the husband or insanity.

    Extended absence or desertion by the husband:

    If his whereabouts is known, he is given the chance to return to his wife before the divorce takes effect;

    If his whereabouts is unknown, a six-month or one-year waiting period is placed on the wife. If the husband fails to return, the wife is divorced from him.

    Imprisonment of the husband.

    Deception or concealment of important information at the time of the marriage.
    "There are two methods of divorce by mutual consent:

    Mubarra, where husband and wife mutually agree to release each other from the marriage vows-they also agree among themselves the financial and other conditions for the release;

    Self-redemption (Khula), where, if the wife is unhappy with the conduct of her husband and has genuine grievances which she fears will cause her to fall into error if she continues in the marriage, then she obtains separation by returning her husband's marriage gift in return for the dissolution of the marriage. Conditions that should be observed when using Khula method of divorce are:

    There must be a genuine reason for seeking divorce
    Dissolution may be imposed on the husband if he refuses to let his wife go
    No husband may pressurize his wife into asking for Khula so that he can regain the marriage gift; and
    This form of dissolution can take place at any time."

    If you are married in a mosque with no legal civil ceremony, then I would recommend that you approach an Imam for guidance on the waiting period required for your divorce to be final and accepted by Allah.

    If you are married via a legal ceremony and the state law is involved, I would recommend you appoint a third person - either a mutual friend, family member or solicitor who can have a discussion with both parties (you and your husband) to obtain an official divorce so that you may be free free each other."

    My Unconditional Respect,

    María
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Whatever conditions you wrote for divorce and the website you quoted , are they authentic ? can you show me some hadiths and surah which justify these reasons

  2. i have not read about a woman that divorce her husband in the Koran but if there ar still more genuine reason u have to do it..

  3. Salam,

    I have an objection over one of the reasons which allows a woman to seek divorce from her husband. You mentioned if husband is impotent, a woman is entitled to seeking divorce. It is OK. I admit it could be a genuine reason.. but what about womens' sexual disorders or dysfunctions ? Don't you know there are many women who have extremely narrow vaginal opening or have vaginal dryness or other issues which cause sexual intercourse almost impossible so in this case what do you suggest ? Please let us know

  4. Assalamualaikum,

    JazakAllah khair for addressing some of the issues of divorce, while it may be a difficult and almost shunning issue, it's a reality. I have a question along these lines, it's hard to find an answer because it deals with the western society, but I keep finding my brother and sisters in this situation. Can a Muslim brother/sister remarry or begin searching for a spouse if they're Islamically divorced, but still legally married? Unfortunately, in the western society a divorce can take up to a year, which is unfair to either person. So, do they have to wait until they're legally divorced before moving forward, or is it ok as long as they adhere to the laws of Islam?

    • kamelia, from an Islamic perspective it's okay as long as they adhere to the laws of Islam. But to avoid legal complications, it might be best to wait. A year is not long to wait in any case and might give the person time to recover emotionally from the breakup, which is always a good thing before moving forward. Also, some people may be reluctant to commit to someone who is still civilly married.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  5. I want to get divorce from my husband, we been married for 4 years and we have two kids

    (Remainder of comment has been deleted. Please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor)

  6. AOA

    I divorced my wife by saying divorce...

    (Remainder of question deleted. We are not qualified to answer your question, please consult with someone qualified in Fiqh of marriage and divorce, thank you. - IslamicAnswers.com Editor).

  7. Asalam-o-alykum,

    Actually i immersed in very bad situation, i got married three months ago with my cousin, i am following her whatever he ordered me till now. thats what i followed her for her orders she made in front of me, thereafter she conducting me with misbehaves, and always behaves me that i am her slave or as she is my husband and i am her wife.. anyway her way of behaving are something unacceptable for me, and i couldn't tolerate her anymore.. so i decide to divorce her, for the reason post this comments here..

    • Brother,

      I am sorry you are unhappy in your marriage. But you have not explained anything about your 'situation' that is causing you to consider divorce? What is your wife doing that is considered to be 'misbehaving' or 'treating you like a slave'? Marriage is a big change for all couples and it takes time for both to adjust to each other. Speak to your wife openly about how you feel. And speak to a learned person openly, 'explain' what is bothering you. They may be able to help you if they know your situation. But do not divorce your wife on a whim.

      SisterZ
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  8. AOA

    if you are legally divorced (uk), and want to get islamically divorced, but have no idea as to the whereabouts of the spouse, can you send an email saying i divorce you three times?

    (asking for a friend)

    JZK

    • Salaams,

      If a man is giving his wife an Islamic divorce (talaq), he can give it to her in person, by writing, or any other means (like calling her on the phone) where she will certainly know she is being divorced. The thing about email is, there's no way to know for sure the person got or read the email.

      In cases where the location of the spouse is unknown, it's better to go to the local shariah council (which I have heard there are several in UK) and ask them how to move forward. They may even say the civil divorce counted as a talaq, who knows.

      -Amy
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  9. Dear Maria,

    I am in need of help. I got married two years ago and I now have a 16 month old daughter. I do not live with my husband and I have not lived with him since 4 months after we got married. He did not do anything to provide for me and we were living with his parents for those 4 months. I then left to live with my parents because he was not taking care of me and he was too busy with his own life apart from me. It has been two years and I am still in the same situation because of his inability to understand that a man has to get a job and provide for his family. He is in and out of my life and my daughters life. He rarely provides me with money to take care of our daughter and most times has to borrow gas money from his parents, to come see his daughter. He only comes to see her once a week. I am always alone and I have been for that two years. He does not want to be close to me or near me, but he also doesn't want to divorce me. I am tired of this situation and his drug problem, which keeps him away from me and still living in his parent's house like a teenager instead of a married man with a child. We are married Islamically, but not legally. I have read the reasons that a woman can divorce her husband..such as an inability to maintain her, verbal abuse, and also impotence because he does not wish to be with me physically. I am done with the situation but since he does not want to give me a divorce, and his parents have our marriage papers and he does not want to bring them to me, do I need the papers in order to be divorced? I have heard I can go into a Mosque and have two or three witnesses and get a divorce without him there. Can I do this? Please let me know my options as I want this done as soon as possible. Thank you.

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