Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Engaged to my cousin but she is ignoring me

Women at a Muslim engagement party in Brunei

Women at a Muslim engagement party in Brunei

I am engaged to my cousin whom I admire since my childhood. I told her and she knows how much I love her. She said she loved someone else but because her father told her we want you to get engaged with your cousin she accepted the proposal.

Last time she came to my country we had a great time with each other, in fact I gave her gifts and we spoke for like three hours on phone, but when she was leaving back to her country, I told her to call me as soon she reaches, but I didnt get any call from her side.

Just now I came to know that she uses facebook and communicates with na mahram and I'm afraid her past love, but she didnt even tell me that she uses facebook. I feel like there could be two possibilities of her not telling me:

1) She is afraid that once I find out about her communication with other men, I'll tell her to stop it. And she won't say no because she doesn't want to spoil our engagement.

2) I feel she ignores me and doesn't want to talk to me and avoid me until marriage (as she wants to live carefree life until marriage).

Besides, her parents are also strict in this case. Please give me any advice from islamic point of view. Should I talk to her or leave her? Should I pray to Allah and stay patient? Or should I tell my father to talk to her family. I'm sure on one thing she doesnt want to end this relationship with me. Please also pray for me.


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7 Responses »

  1. I believe you need to end it for your sake and her sake. It is better sooner rather than later.

    As harsh as this may sound she doesn't love you, and you deserve to be with someone that does.

    If you persevere you will ruin your life and hers.

  2. Salams brother,
    You are already engaged to her. There are two choices: try to work things out and hope for the best or let her go and marry someone else who will love you.
    In the 1st choice, let her know what you expect from her and the marriage institution that you will end up in and ask her to commit to making it work. It may not end up well because she loves another.It is not fair for you to get such treatment from your fiancee. It seems to me like she is not taking you seriously and it will not get any better unless checked now.
    2nd choice is letting her go. You cant make her love you. It is going to hurt you badly in the long run. Trust me, nothing feels as bad as love not reciprocated. You can find someone who will value you and respect and love you right.
    Its good that you have seen a hint of more to come from your wife to be. It may be a blessing in disguise. Pray salat istikhara to get Allah (swt) guidance so you dont make a mistake in your marriage endeavour.
    Whatever your choice, may Allah make it easy for you and all believers that have problems.
    All will be well.

  3. Leave her brother .....

    Better to find some one who loves you ..

    She has already told you that she doesn't have feelings for you .

  4. Salam Brother in Islam,
    u need to talk to her on this topic clearly,ask her what she wants and warn her before taking any decission say her to be clear why is she doing to you,when u were 2gethor she gave u importance n when she's far she gets involved with her past.dont show any importance if she ignores u also start ignoring her and say u will end this relationship soon...may be i think she is taking u for granted that this person loves me and will accept me in any circumstance and feeling like carryng on with male friends,strictly say her u dnt like all this otherwise you'll talk to his is human nature the ones who really cares we feel like they are always there and take them for granted try the other way of nature by talking harshly and warning her for the last time and then also if she seems ignorant then take a step ahead u are a good men u'll surely find a true partner inshAllah.

  5. You will ruin your life leave her and marry someone who will love you and has feelings for you.

    • Ps this is the reason she is ignoring you because she has no feelings for you she’s been made to accept the rishta end of FACT. I know this is harsh but brother face the facts if parents are strict then these sorts of things happen only to those who disobey because parents don’t engage enough with their children even has a friend to know what they like and don’t agree with. That’s why think through clearly what you want not what your parents asked of you. Parents can have the rista but what about what their child wants and often once your married that it get on with it whether you like it or not. Because you know all this brother it is better to run while you can and move on, once you are married it is a different ball game and you won’t forget how she treated you or the fact you will be second best. You always will have your doubts and can you honestly want to live a lie marrying someone who won’t love you regardless and that’s no fault of hers. Just think it through inshallah allah will show you I wish you the best

  6. I feel you should talk to her and try to work things out.In case they don't then call it off before it is too late.It might leave both of you hurt if you don't take care of the situation now.

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