Expecting a child with a non-Muslim woman, should I marry her?
Al-Salaamu Alaikum,
Let me start by asking Allah to forgive me and all Muslims of our sins. And may Allah guide us all to the righteous path.
I am a Muslim man living in the United States of America. I was born and raised Muslim. Like many other unfortunate Muslim brothers here, I fell for the worldly temptations and allowed the shaytan to lead me astray. I am currently expecting a child with a Non-Muslim woman. We are not married. She is a devout Christian woman.
I need as much guidance and advice as I can possibly get. Is it permissible for me to marry her? Or do I leave her and the child alone?
I ask Allah for forgiveness for my sins daily, however now that a child is involved, I need to do a little more. May Allah reward you all for the good w0rk that you do.
- Murad
30 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Dear Brother Murad, As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullah,
I really commend you for asking Allah's forgiveness, and for guidance. The fact that you are here, seeking advice with an open heart, shows that you truly want to do the right thing.
My advice is, don't compound one mistake with another. Don't marry this woman. Separate yourself from her and have no further relationship with her except what is required for the care of your child.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Of course you will always have an obligation to care for your child. You must contribute to the child's financial support, and you should have shared custody of the child so you teach him/her about Islam and raise him as a practicing Muslim, Insha'Allah. Give that child the benefit of the wisdom you have acquired and the difficult lessons you have learned in life.
But I feel that marrying the woman would be a mistake. A marriage with a devout Christian woman will never allow you to fulfill your potential as a Muslim. Furthermore, you would bring more children into the world with her and there would probably be ongoing conflict about their religious upbringing. That conflict may come into being with the one child she is carrying now. No need to compound the problem.
With all that said, I think you should invite her to Islam. You say she is a religious Christian, but who knows, if you present her with the truth of Islam, and offer to marry her, her heart may be opened, Insha'Allah.
Salaam, if she is a women of the book, Believes in ONE God I think that you can marry her, but first brother, repent of the major sins that you have committed.
salamu alaykum
brother murad.
All things are for us to resolve so what we can do is just go forward and repent for our sins and try to be better.
Things will work out for you and your world.
Peace and love.
DEVOUT chirsitan? having sex before marriage is not devout!!!!!!!!!!!
Assalama akaylum wa rahmatullah, Brother Murad
A christian devout? before marriage ??? having kids...is definetly NOT a christian devout! .. I m sorry to say that but if she claims the baby is yours, have DNA testings done to determine the child is yours biologically, if not, WALK AWAY!. IF the child is yours biologically , then you have obligations and financial support /welfare of the child.
I m sorry the answer is short but the line u said that she is a devout christian irks me when an actual christian devout woman respects herself and not falling into temptations.... If you married her , you could have problems with the marriage and she would expect so much from you than you would expect from her. Walk away from her, but have the DNA testings done to ensure the child is yours. If she gives up the child and the parental rights, take the rights and raise the child yourself. I would consult with a lawyer if you are having trouble with the relationship and the involvement of a child.
and I do agree with shakila
Your sister in Islam
To fix this haram is to make this halal. This is marriage. To engage in zina regardless if she is christian, she can not be devout as it's also sinful in their religion too.
Ask Allah for forgivness and do not repeat your mistakes and bring up this child a muslim as you will be questioned in the hear after. As of being a woman of the book she must beleive in ONE god and take no partners to god. May Allah guide you and forgive your mistakes.
yeah shakilah ! is right. u made the mistake so dont try to excape punishment by the way u deserve it.we all deserve wat we get. wat? u think if u commit zina u must get the golden medal?
Salaam brother, if you feel that this woman is a good woman and that you are compatible with eachother, and you want to raise this child as a family with mother and father together in the same home and all of the psychological, social and emotional advantages that this kind of set-up will bring to a child then yes.
If you would like your son to associate Islam with you and the decisions you make and you would like those associations to be positive, moral and just ones the yes.
If you would like to honor the outcomes of your decisions and do right by this woman then yes.
If, on the other hand this is one huge mistake and you want nothing to do with this woman then I would suggest that you dont marry but still find a way to be a regular and constant part of the child's life
Peace,
L
Brother Wael you are wrong on this account. She is of the people of the book. Prophet Muhammad phub married women of the book, and a Jew!
Brother Murad, if you love this woman and want a marriage with her and raise your child with her. Have a serious discussion with her about Islam, raising your child in Islam. Of course she will want her own child to know of her religion and beliefs, this should not be an issue for a child to know about his mothers faith. Truth and love will overcome.
One thing you should consider, if you do not marry your child's mother, your child will be raised Christian and you will not have or only have very little influence on your child's early life. Do you love her? Do you want to have a family with her? Do you want to help raise your child, do you want your child to know about Islam and to truly know his/her father?
Brother Murad what are you thinking to tell him to separate from this woman? Your statement gives Muslim men a bad black mark..........., to leave a woman in this condition. what r i thinking!
Yamina, I never said that it's not allowed for brother Murad to marry the Christian woman. I simply advise against it. If your argument is that the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) married from the People of the Book, I would respond that they were the exceptions, while most of his wives were Muslims. So if we are pursuing the path of the Sunnah, a Muslim wife should be the first choice.
Furthermore, the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) lived in an Islamic society of which he was the leader. This brother lives in a non-Muslim society. It's hard enough raising good Muslim children in a non-Muslim society even when both parents are Muslim. When one parent is not Muslim, it can be almost impossible. I personally have witnessed the children of such marriages growing up as Christians, or deeply confused, or as non-practicing Muslims.
And all of this does not even address the fact that marriage to a Christian woman will hamper the brother's own religious and spiritual development.
You say that if he does not marry her, the child will be raised as Christian. Why do you draw this conclusion? He will have equal custody under the law and the parents can work out a shared custody agreement. During the time the child is with him, he can teach him/her about Allah and Islam with no interference from the mother. It's not an ideal situation, but marrying her and bringing more children into this conflicted environment is even less ideal.
I stand by my original advice that he should encourage her to accept Islam; and if not, should pursue shared custody of the child without marrying her.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I think nothing is more important than the love for each other.. A Muslim man is not supposed to have any physical relationship with a non Muslim girl. In this case you have also committed a sin its not fair only to blame the girl.
You should marry the girl and take care of her and your child. Converting or not converting it completely depends on her but you can't be cheating her like this and that too because of the religion. If you had so much for your religion then you should have thought about it before committing this act.
May god give you the courage to do what your heart feels is right and not just follow the religion blindly and blame it and say "I so wanted to marry her but she's not a Muslim" my friend think about the girl after all she's carrying your child.
Faruk,
A muslim man is not supposed to have physical relations with any woman, be she muslim or non muslim, unless she is his wife.
Be a man, do not listen to comments of others to abandon an innocent child and give this chld a family. Modern life makes things difficult sometimes for men and women and some negative comments have been made here by, I am sure, some hypocritical people, but this woman is as good or as bad as you and it is nothing to do with growing up in America. People have extra marital and pre marital sex in all countries and cultures - they just blame other things instead of taking responsibility for what they have done. If you abandon this child and mother, you will have a long life to regret it. You may be Muslim and she may be Christian but clearly neither of you are devout, so why not just unite as a family to give this child a chance.
Ozlem
Ozlem, I don't think anyone suggested abandoning the child. You can make your argument without knocking down straw men.
wael -several suggested abandonment ! let us look at what the wise say about such things
Muslim scholar, Sheikh Muhammad Iqbal Nadvi, Imam of Calgary Mosque, Alberta, Canada, and Former Professor at King Saud University, Riyad, Saudi Arabia, adds:
“The children born out of wedlock deserve all the care they need as children; thus you should provide them with all the requirements and elements to make them succeed in this life.
They are not responsible for the past deeds of their parents. However, the attribution of the child’s name to the father is based on the acceptance of the father. If he approves of it, then he/she can be named after him.”
Do you love this woman ? Do you love Allah ? if yes to both then your sins can be forgiven and a bright future awaits you in this life and the next life. My father's house has many doors .
Rights of Children Born Out of Wedlock
phrage, additional knowledge is always welcome, so thank you. However, NO ONE suggested abandoning the child. I don't know why you think that "several suggested abnadonment." Read the comments more carefully next time.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
It is not fare just to blame the woman. What about the man he call him self muslim .If he is muslim he would never have slept with any women as his religious does not allowed it . Or does?, it just because he is a man!!!! Futher more, how can you advice the man to get a custody of his child and teach him only islam? Doesn't God put mother in Islam 3times before father?. And who is to say that the christian mother doesnt take her child a get him/ her baptise while the child is with her and teaches him about christianity and vice versa when the child is with the father he teaches him about Islam who will be mest up /The child .They will be fighting about religions and the poor baby would be in the middle of it. In my opinion if the man cant commited to the mother as well as the child no matter what their believes are he is not worth it of any of them. He should leave them and let them leave the lives according to her religion for she is the mother and she is not married to him. If they would have married I am sure he would marry her under Islamic law and than she would know what is she letting herslef into and therefore there would not be a miss understanding of religion. But you can not expect to confuse this inocent child of to diffrent religions. How would you prevent for baby to be biptias and than what kind of muslim baby would taht be who is biptised or would revert her each time she/he stays with you for the weekend.
ay God show you the right way. Be a man and take resposibilities for your doings. Ask your self whould this child be truly muslim or truly christian? Both of you should teach her/him about God is one and that is all you can do for now until you come to a compromise which you both agree with or let the child decide when he/she grows up as far as they know there is a GOD!!!!!!
Wow!! I am Christian and the father of my child is Muslim. If he wants to marry her, then marry her. Religion is personal and that child when he/she grows up can make that decision at that time. Our child will be raised Christian because our child will be with me more. Our child was dedicated to God after she was born. Not baptized, because in Christianity a child is not accountable for their sins, because they are too young. At the age of 12, our child can decide what she wants to do, but her religion choice will be strictly on her.
Abandoning her shouldn't be your first option. Pray and do what you are lead to do. If you are only marrying her because, then my advice would be not to marry her. Marriage is hard within itself, but to add 2 different religions in the mix, there needs to be love involved to work the all the issues that are going to arise. Marry her because you love her and want to be with her. Pray and wait on an answer from God
I am going thru this right now. But I am the Christian woman in all of this. I wouldnt say Im devout but this was one of the only biggest mistakes ive made in my life, as far as the sin. My daughter lives with me and my mom and her father is trying to be a devout muslim but he still smokes and drinks occasionally so I still dont see an example to me and my child even if i was considering Islam. I respect you all and your beliefs but he doesnt seem to respect mine. I need some clarity with this if possible. Thanks.
by the way i do want to marry him but i want to make sure its for love and not so he can look good in front of Allah and other muslims.
Hi, I met a Muslim man through a dating website, and we had sex on the first night. Honestly, I don't know why but I felt comfortable with him. On many levels I knew I was wrong, but I felt very comfortable with him. He and I had spoken on the phone many times before we finally met in person. I do not regret what I did and I'm Catholic.
He is a nice person and his religion is his own. I respect his practices as he respects mine. If nothing happens from our regular meetings well I made a friend. I'm not looking to marry him, but if we develop a descent relationship then so be it. We respect each other and I believe that's all what matters.
This remark has little to do with resolving the posers question. Why do you feel the need to share your lack of self respect with everyone here?
You both have no respect for each other at all. You have a base relationship that only serves to fulfill a carnal desire void of any true emotion.
A major problem with todays young Muslims is engaging in illicit sex, entertaining their desires with loose people whose attitudes play down the gravity of their sins.
wow hopeful u are really rude. It seems u are blaming both of us for the actions of your muslim brothers or sisters. GET A LIFE!
That's not rude. It's true and no beating around the bush. What do you mean 'blaming both of us'? Who's us? I responded suitably on that womans pointless comment.
How immature with 'get a life'. What next? It's probably gonna be 'whatever' !
A Muslim is required to do things firstly for the sake of Allah, not the variable emotion of 'love'. That comment shows no respect for Islam as you claim to have.
Hopeful, pay no attention to the comments from the peanut gallery. Your contributions on this website are highly valued.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I do respect muslims. I apologize for my statement and I don't want to start any trouble. I came on to get an honest opinion about my situation and thought you all could help. I can't speak for the other woman about her relationship with that muslim man. All i was saying was it seems like you put more of an emphasis on the sins of the woman who isnt muslim, rather than the sins of the man who is. You didnt even give any attention to what I wrote nor did you even try to understand where I was coming from. Of course God should come first in people's lives but he and I made a mistake and the baby is already here. Now he is growing deeper in his faith, which is good because he is going to stop smoking and drinking which is a better example for my daughter because I (Christian) don't do those things either. I just want to know where to go from here. To my knowledge I don't think I would be a fair muslim if I just become it, to please him. Thats all. If you can shed sum light then please respond. Again, I don't want any conflict with anyone, I came on here for help.
I apologize to Hopeful because now that I read your post over again, i realized u weren't directing your comment towards me, it was towards Lynn.
Hi,
Don't worry about it, thanks for apology.
Re your situation, you are correct in saying you should not become a Muslim in order to please your baby's father. One has to do this for Allah's sake only and sincerely believe in the tenets of the Islamic faith.
Every child deserves a loving home with both parents. For now, your baby's father ought repent for his sins and take responsibility for the child.
I suggest you read up on Islam with an open mind and heart. You are under no compulsion to become a Muslim but your baby's father has a duty to ensure his child is reared as a Muslim.
Hopefully things will work out for the better.
By the way, I am not saying that Muslim men and indeed Muslim women are blameless for illicit relationships, far from it. They ought to understand better.
Regards
Thanks Hopeful. I'm happy you accepted my apology.
I definitely have been reading up on Islam for a week and a half. Of course I need to know more. I can honestly not say what the future holds for me, him, and my daughter but he is so sketchy and wishy washy at times on whether he wants us to be a family or not that one week we're together and the next not so he's really not a great example. I think he needs sum time to grow up. He just turned 26 and he needs to figure out what he wants. Also, one minute you say you are attracted to women who are modest but than look at women who dress half naked on facebook and call them sexy. So do you see how he's not a really great example for me or my daughter. I'm not trying to put him down, dont get me wrong. I love him a whole lot and I wish for things to work out. I am not opposed to my daughter learning about Islam, I can't stop her but she's been going to church from birth. He is also upset that I dont want to move to NH with him but I told him that even though we committed a sin, i wasnt raised to "shack up" and I don't want my mom to be doubly shamed with living with him and we're not married. Its a crazy situation, i could go back and forth with you but i really appreciate your advice.
As far as what you said, he should've known better but he's been living this half muslim way even before he met me 2 years ago. He was committing "zinna" i think thats what you call it. He's just now trying to be serious and observe Ramadan. One of his best friends just accepted Islam and said his Shahada at the mosque so I think that is exciting him and pushing him more to be serious about his faith. I'm hoping he will get it together because all the problems started when he moved away when i was 2 months pregnant. He couldnt find a job here so he moved away and got one, it was supposed to be temporary and it turned permanent, then all the plans got changed to where I had to move there with him and everything would be perfect not thinking about that a baby would be involved in all of this. Moving to a place where i didnt know a soul. Wow...
Even if I accept Islam for me and by sum miracle we get married, he still has a communication problem, and neither one of our faiths can solve that.
A million thanks to you for listening to me.
I have been researching Islam for a while now. I don't think our faiths can solve his problem with communication. I just feel like i said before that he has to grow in his faith and also as a man to know and understand how God would want him to take care of his family and to treat his future wife. One thing I have been reading is the role of Muslim wife and role of muslim husband and I find it interesting and that it pertains to my situation because he used to say he wanted to marry me all the time but at the time I wasnt ready to make the commitment to leave my mom and everything I know here to move somewhere where i didnt know anyone and the only person who coulda help me was him. Muslim husbands respect their wives, are affectionate towards them, and take care of home. Plus i was a 1st time mom and i needed my moms guidance and help. I asked him 4 months ago to wait until me, my mom, and sis got a job so i wouldnt worry about them when i decided to move to new hampshire and so i could bring sumthing to the table not just expect him to do everything for me but he couldnt wait. Started acting like a jerk again, not callin or checking on his daughter or me, and look now God blessed me with a great temp job. I could save up money, now he doesnt have a job and i couldve moved after my temp job is over at the end of September. But noooooo, he wanted to be a jerk so now things are broken again. He calls us his family all the time and says he thinks about us but doesnt put action behind it. He wants everything his way or the highway and relationships don't function like that in my book. sorry. I used to feel that he loved me and was in love with me, but not anymore. I hear it with words, but dont feel it with actions.