Expecting a child with a non-Muslim woman, should I marry her?
Al-Salaamu Alaikum,
Let me start by asking Allah to forgive me and all Muslims of our sins. And may Allah guide us all to the righteous path.
I am a Muslim man living in the United States of America. I was born and raised Muslim. Like many other unfortunate Muslim brothers here, I fell for the worldly temptations and allowed the shaytan to lead me astray. I am currently expecting a child with a Non-Muslim woman. We are not married. She is a devout Christian woman.
I need as much guidance and advice as I can possibly get. Is it permissible for me to marry her? Or do I leave her and the child alone?
I ask Allah for forgiveness for my sins daily, however now that a child is involved, I need to do a little more. May Allah reward you all for the good w0rk that you do.
- Murad
72 Responses »
Leave a Response
Entries(RSS)
Dear Brother Murad, As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullah,
I really commend you for asking Allah's forgiveness, and for guidance. The fact that you are here, seeking advice with an open heart, shows that you truly want to do the right thing.
My advice is, don't compound one mistake with another. Don't marry this woman. Separate yourself from her and have no further relationship with her except what is required for the care of your child.
Of course you will always have an obligation to care for your child. You must contribute to the child's financial support, and you should have shared custody of the child so you teach him/her about Islam and raise him as a practicing Muslim, Insha'Allah. Give that child the benefit of the wisdom you have acquired and the difficult lessons you have learned in life.
But I feel that marrying the woman would be a mistake. A marriage with a devout Christian woman will never allow you to fulfill your potential as a Muslim. Furthermore, you would bring more children into the world with her and there would probably be ongoing conflict about their religious upbringing. That conflict may come into being with the one child she is carrying now. No need to compound the problem.
With all that said, I think you should invite her to Islam. You say she is a religious Christian, but who knows, if you present her with the truth of Islam, and offer to marry her, her heart may be opened, Insha'Allah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Dear Murad and yhe PERSON who answer to the Murads quastion!!!! Im in the same situation as Murad... Im 5 month pregnant, father of my unborn baby is muslim im cristian... we were dating for two years and then i found myself pregnant.. I respect Islam but i dont think i would do anymore because how could u leave mother of you unborn child???!!! YOU have to present Islam to her and make her to respect it.... GOD is one and its up to you what messenger you fallow...My life is in bits im already paying for my sin... but what about the father of the baby he still will be able to marry muslim girl and have family with her.... I would never be able to have a normal family !!!! In QUARAN says that Allah is mercyfull so why can't Murad marry his babys mother and they could have a normal family?????
Hi Nidia,
What happened with your story? how's your baby? i'm pregnant as well.
And about your questions unfortunately they can got married with a Muslim woman keeping in secret that they already had a baby before.
yes murad i am a muslim and i suf=ggest you that you should marry her and present her islam, and raise your children as the muslims. you have no rite to destroy the life of a women and though u have committed a sin but still ask Allah for his mercy, surely he is the most merciful
@my dear sister Nadia,thanks for raising that.It is very sad indeed.I'm in the same situation as you.What I fail to understand is that,after committing the sin it is then when they realize you are some kind of a virus to them.I stayed with him for three full years and now eight months pregnant.He just went silent on me and said he does not want anything to do with me anymore.I would understand if he was a devoted muslim but even when I met him,he was not.He did not even make dua five times a day,he brought girls home,he smokes,he party...but now suddenly he's all changed.I will do what's best for me and my child.As for him,Allah knows our hearts.Even if he tries to repent,I know it won't last until he move on to the next victim.God/Allah is for us all and I also take full responsibility of my actions as both in Islam and Christianity,"sex before marriage is a sin"...Be strong Nadia and thanks!
Salaam, if she is a women of the book, Believes in ONE God I think that you can marry her, but first brother, repent of the major sins that you have committed.
That's not true that's not the ruling
salamu alaykum
brother murad.
All things are for us to resolve so what we can do is just go forward and repent for our sins and try to be better.
Things will work out for you and your world.
Peace and love.
DEVOUT chirsitan? having sex before marriage is not devout!!!!!!!!!!!
Assalama akaylum wa rahmatullah, Brother Murad
A christian devout? before marriage ??? having kids...is definetly NOT a christian devout! .. I m sorry to say that but if she claims the baby is yours, have DNA testings done to determine the child is yours biologically, if not, WALK AWAY!. IF the child is yours biologically , then you have obligations and financial support /welfare of the child.
I m sorry the answer is short but the line u said that she is a devout christian irks me when an actual christian devout woman respects herself and not falling into temptations.... If you married her , you could have problems with the marriage and she would expect so much from you than you would expect from her. Walk away from her, but have the DNA testings done to ensure the child is yours. If she gives up the child and the parental rights, take the rights and raise the child yourself. I would consult with a lawyer if you are having trouble with the relationship and the involvement of a child.
and I do agree with shakila
Your sister in Islam
shakila and Eisha, you speak with venom and ignorance, there are too devout Muslims who fall into sin.
@ Fatima,
You're absolutely right, Fatima. I completely endorse your views. Both Shakila and Eisha, need to understand the fact that neither Christianity nor Islam, encourages the situation the two individuals here have created. That it is an individual choice the two have made and that's what needs to be addressed! I do not see, why one needs to get spiteful with regards to a person's faith.
Also, I believe, we also need to handle situations and offer solutions with sensitivity. My utmost concern here is the unborn baby.
Ofcourse, both the people involved, could have ideally avoided the situation, but now that it has happened, they need to come up with a solution that is acceptable and agreeable.
Also, I was just thinking, if we can encourage people ("perpetrators of a sin", which is completely forbidden by God) and ask them to beg for God's forgiveness then why can't we encourage people to do something that is "MORALLY" RIGHT (May or may not be in sync with our religious texts) and then encourage people to beg for God's forgiveness???
I am sure, if God can forgive grave SINS, which he completely detests than God can certainly forgive something which may or may not be in sync with our religious texts but MORALLY is certainly the correct thing to do!
I feel, the OP needs to marry the woman (A Muslim man marrying a Christian woman is allowed, right?), take care of his baby, and be a perfect husband and a father. I am sure, God can never punish him for being a perfect father and a perfect husband!
Assalamualaikum,
@Weltschmerz you are right together with Wael and Fatima.
Weltschmerz i wanted to share something . Sometimes i come across real negative people and i don't know how to interact as i don't want to be rude so i simply ignore them. I feel if i talk to them they will hurt me so it's easy not interacting with them. Plus sometimes depending on my family financially as i am studying makes my condition worse. I feel like i would never be able to support myself. I would never be able to be financially stable which puts me in stress. Could you please give some advice?
Thanks a lot for your wonderful work together with others on this site.
Regards
@Weltzschmetz thank you so much for your advice.Some people act like they are perfect being not realizing they are doing more damage to the already bad situation.I wish the father of my unborn child can read this,repent and move on rather than cursing and insulting me as if we met only yesterday when in actual fact it's three years.All of a sudden everything is my fault and I did all this to punish him.All I want for him is to play his part in the child's life and still if he doesn't want,no one can force him.What hurt me most is the emotional abuse I have endured at his hands,sometimes openly cheating on me and later asking for forgiveness...now I'm the biggest sinner than him that he wanna run away from.And if I wanted to play the blaming game now,I would have reminded him how he was crazy over me,plan to make Nikka even bought a nice dress and everything until he started cheating and undecisive.We would have been not in this situation.I'm glad it seems like I gave him the right advice though of repenting and never repeat the sin again.May Allah be with him.May Allah bless all of you who gave sound advice and support.I appreciate it!
Totally agree with you.
Thank you Fatima.Some people just make others problems worse as if they are not human.God is for us all.They should stop judging and seeking attention like that.
Thank you dear Fatima.Quick to be biased and judgemental whereas two parties are at fault/committed a grave sin irrespective of their religion.Calm down people or else reserve your comments for judgement day.
Who are you to say...have you commit no sin...who is perfect? When you point a finger you get three pointed back at you. What's your opinion on "devout Muslims" having sex out of marriage? Is that not between them and GOD?
To fix this haram is to make this halal. This is marriage. To engage in zina regardless if she is christian, she can not be devout as it's also sinful in their religion too.
Ask Allah for forgivness and do not repeat your mistakes and bring up this child a muslim as you will be questioned in the hear after. As of being a woman of the book she must beleive in ONE god and take no partners to god. May Allah guide you and forgive your mistakes.
yeah shakilah ! is right. u made the mistake so dont try to excape punishment by the way u deserve it.we all deserve wat we get. wat? u think if u commit zina u must get the golden medal?
Salaam brother, if you feel that this woman is a good woman and that you are compatible with eachother, and you want to raise this child as a family with mother and father together in the same home and all of the psychological, social and emotional advantages that this kind of set-up will bring to a child then yes.
If you would like your son to associate Islam with you and the decisions you make and you would like those associations to be positive, moral and just ones the yes.
If you would like to honor the outcomes of your decisions and do right by this woman then yes.
If, on the other hand this is one huge mistake and you want nothing to do with this woman then I would suggest that you dont marry but still find a way to be a regular and constant part of the child's life
Peace,
L
Brother Wael you are wrong on this account. She is of the people of the book. Prophet Muhammad phub married women of the book, and a Jew!
Brother Murad, if you love this woman and want a marriage with her and raise your child with her. Have a serious discussion with her about Islam, raising your child in Islam. Of course she will want her own child to know of her religion and beliefs, this should not be an issue for a child to know about his mothers faith. Truth and love will overcome.
One thing you should consider, if you do not marry your child's mother, your child will be raised Christian and you will not have or only have very little influence on your child's early life. Do you love her? Do you want to have a family with her? Do you want to help raise your child, do you want your child to know about Islam and to truly know his/her father?
Brother Murad what are you thinking to tell him to separate from this woman? Your statement gives Muslim men a bad black mark..........., to leave a woman in this condition. what r i thinking!
Yamina, I never said that it's not allowed for brother Murad to marry the Christian woman. I simply advise against it. If your argument is that the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) married from the People of the Book, I would respond that they were the exceptions, while most of his wives were Muslims. So if we are pursuing the path of the Sunnah, a Muslim wife should be the first choice.
Furthermore, the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) lived in an Islamic society of which he was the leader. This brother lives in a non-Muslim society. It's hard enough raising good Muslim children in a non-Muslim society even when both parents are Muslim. When one parent is not Muslim, it can be almost impossible. I personally have witnessed the children of such marriages growing up as Christians, or deeply confused, or as non-practicing Muslims.
And all of this does not even address the fact that marriage to a Christian woman will hamper the brother's own religious and spiritual development.
You say that if he does not marry her, the child will be raised as Christian. Why do you draw this conclusion? He will have equal custody under the law and the parents can work out a shared custody agreement. During the time the child is with him, he can teach him/her about Allah and Islam with no interference from the mother. It's not an ideal situation, but marrying her and bringing more children into this conflicted environment is even less ideal.
I stand by my original advice that he should encourage her to accept Islam; and if not, should pursue shared custody of the child without marrying her.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I think nothing is more important than the love for each other.. A Muslim man is not supposed to have any physical relationship with a non Muslim girl. In this case you have also committed a sin its not fair only to blame the girl.
You should marry the girl and take care of her and your child. Converting or not converting it completely depends on her but you can't be cheating her like this and that too because of the religion. If you had so much for your religion then you should have thought about it before committing this act.
May god give you the courage to do what your heart feels is right and not just follow the religion blindly and blame it and say "I so wanted to marry her but she's not a Muslim" my friend think about the girl after all she's carrying your child.
Faruk,
A muslim man is not supposed to have physical relations with any woman, be she muslim or non muslim, unless she is his wife.
Be a man, do not listen to comments of others to abandon an innocent child and give this chld a family. Modern life makes things difficult sometimes for men and women and some negative comments have been made here by, I am sure, some hypocritical people, but this woman is as good or as bad as you and it is nothing to do with growing up in America. People have extra marital and pre marital sex in all countries and cultures - they just blame other things instead of taking responsibility for what they have done. If you abandon this child and mother, you will have a long life to regret it. You may be Muslim and she may be Christian but clearly neither of you are devout, so why not just unite as a family to give this child a chance.
Ozlem
Ozlem, I don't think anyone suggested abandoning the child. You can make your argument without knocking down straw men.
wael -several suggested abandonment ! let us look at what the wise say about such things
Muslim scholar, Sheikh Muhammad Iqbal Nadvi, Imam of Calgary Mosque, Alberta, Canada, and Former Professor at King Saud University, Riyad, Saudi Arabia, adds:
“The children born out of wedlock deserve all the care they need as children; thus you should provide them with all the requirements and elements to make them succeed in this life.
They are not responsible for the past deeds of their parents. However, the attribution of the child’s name to the father is based on the acceptance of the father. If he approves of it, then he/she can be named after him.”
Do you love this woman ? Do you love Allah ? if yes to both then your sins can be forgiven and a bright future awaits you in this life and the next life. My father's house has many doors .
Rights of Children Born Out of Wedlock
phrage, additional knowledge is always welcome, so thank you. However, NO ONE suggested abandoning the child. I don't know why you think that "several suggested abnadonment." Read the comments more carefully next time.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Wow!! I am Christian and the father of my child is Muslim. If he wants to marry her, then marry her. Religion is personal and that child when he/she grows up can make that decision at that time. Our child will be raised Christian because our child will be with me more. Our child was dedicated to God after she was born. Not baptized, because in Christianity a child is not accountable for their sins, because they are too young. At the age of 12, our child can decide what she wants to do, but her religion choice will be strictly on her.
Abandoning her shouldn't be your first option. Pray and do what you are lead to do. If you are only marrying her because, then my advice would be not to marry her. Marriage is hard within itself, but to add 2 different religions in the mix, there needs to be love involved to work the all the issues that are going to arise. Marry her because you love her and want to be with her. Pray and wait on an answer from God
I am going thru this right now. But I am the Christian woman in all of this. I wouldnt say Im devout but this was one of the only biggest mistakes ive made in my life, as far as the sin. My daughter lives with me and my mom and her father is trying to be a devout muslim but he still smokes and drinks occasionally so I still dont see an example to me and my child even if i was considering Islam. I respect you all and your beliefs but he doesnt seem to respect mine. I need some clarity with this if possible. Thanks.
by the way i do want to marry him but i want to make sure its for love and not so he can look good in front of Allah and other muslims.
Hi, I met a Muslim man through a dating website, and we had sex on the first night. Honestly, I don't know why but I felt comfortable with him. On many levels I knew I was wrong, but I felt very comfortable with him. He and I had spoken on the phone many times before we finally met in person. I do not regret what I did and I'm Catholic.
He is a nice person and his religion is his own. I respect his practices as he respects mine. If nothing happens from our regular meetings well I made a friend. I'm not looking to marry him, but if we develop a descent relationship then so be it. We respect each other and I believe that's all what matters.
This remark has little to do with resolving the posers question. Why do you feel the need to share your lack of self respect with everyone here?
You both have no respect for each other at all. You have a base relationship that only serves to fulfill a carnal desire void of any true emotion.
A major problem with todays young Muslims is engaging in illicit sex, entertaining their desires with loose people whose attitudes play down the gravity of their sins.
I don't get this comment... has nothing to do with things... and it's just wrong in any religion.... esp. Islam...sorry....
wow hopeful u are really rude. It seems u are blaming both of us for the actions of your muslim brothers or sisters. GET A LIFE!
That's not rude. It's true and no beating around the bush. What do you mean 'blaming both of us'? Who's us? I responded suitably on that womans pointless comment.
How immature with 'get a life'. What next? It's probably gonna be 'whatever' !
A Muslim is required to do things firstly for the sake of Allah, not the variable emotion of 'love'. That comment shows no respect for Islam as you claim to have.
Hopeful, pay no attention to the comments from the peanut gallery. Your contributions on this website are highly valued.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I do respect muslims. I apologize for my statement and I don't want to start any trouble. I came on to get an honest opinion about my situation and thought you all could help. I can't speak for the other woman about her relationship with that muslim man. All i was saying was it seems like you put more of an emphasis on the sins of the woman who isnt muslim, rather than the sins of the man who is. You didnt even give any attention to what I wrote nor did you even try to understand where I was coming from. Of course God should come first in people's lives but he and I made a mistake and the baby is already here. Now he is growing deeper in his faith, which is good because he is going to stop smoking and drinking which is a better example for my daughter because I (Christian) don't do those things either. I just want to know where to go from here. To my knowledge I don't think I would be a fair muslim if I just become it, to please him. Thats all. If you can shed sum light then please respond. Again, I don't want any conflict with anyone, I came on here for help.
I apologize to Hopeful because now that I read your post over again, i realized u weren't directing your comment towards me, it was towards Lynn.
Hi,
Don't worry about it, thanks for apology.
Re your situation, you are correct in saying you should not become a Muslim in order to please your baby's father. One has to do this for Allah's sake only and sincerely believe in the tenets of the Islamic faith.
Every child deserves a loving home with both parents. For now, your baby's father ought repent for his sins and take responsibility for the child.
I suggest you read up on Islam with an open mind and heart. You are under no compulsion to become a Muslim but your baby's father has a duty to ensure his child is reared as a Muslim.
Hopefully things will work out for the better.
By the way, I am not saying that Muslim men and indeed Muslim women are blameless for illicit relationships, far from it. They ought to understand better.
Regards
Thanks Hopeful. I'm happy you accepted my apology.
I definitely have been reading up on Islam for a week and a half. Of course I need to know more. I can honestly not say what the future holds for me, him, and my daughter but he is so sketchy and wishy washy at times on whether he wants us to be a family or not that one week we're together and the next not so he's really not a great example. I think he needs sum time to grow up. He just turned 26 and he needs to figure out what he wants. Also, one minute you say you are attracted to women who are modest but than look at women who dress half naked on facebook and call them sexy. So do you see how he's not a really great example for me or my daughter. I'm not trying to put him down, dont get me wrong. I love him a whole lot and I wish for things to work out. I am not opposed to my daughter learning about Islam, I can't stop her but she's been going to church from birth. He is also upset that I dont want to move to NH with him but I told him that even though we committed a sin, i wasnt raised to "shack up" and I don't want my mom to be doubly shamed with living with him and we're not married. Its a crazy situation, i could go back and forth with you but i really appreciate your advice.
As far as what you said, he should've known better but he's been living this half muslim way even before he met me 2 years ago. He was committing "zinna" i think thats what you call it. He's just now trying to be serious and observe Ramadan. One of his best friends just accepted Islam and said his Shahada at the mosque so I think that is exciting him and pushing him more to be serious about his faith. I'm hoping he will get it together because all the problems started when he moved away when i was 2 months pregnant. He couldnt find a job here so he moved away and got one, it was supposed to be temporary and it turned permanent, then all the plans got changed to where I had to move there with him and everything would be perfect not thinking about that a baby would be involved in all of this. Moving to a place where i didnt know a soul. Wow...
Even if I accept Islam for me and by sum miracle we get married, he still has a communication problem, and neither one of our faiths can solve that.
A million thanks to you for listening to me.
I have been researching Islam for a while now. I don't think our faiths can solve his problem with communication. I just feel like i said before that he has to grow in his faith and also as a man to know and understand how God would want him to take care of his family and to treat his future wife. One thing I have been reading is the role of Muslim wife and role of muslim husband and I find it interesting and that it pertains to my situation because he used to say he wanted to marry me all the time but at the time I wasnt ready to make the commitment to leave my mom and everything I know here to move somewhere where i didnt know anyone and the only person who coulda help me was him. Muslim husbands respect their wives, are affectionate towards them, and take care of home. Plus i was a 1st time mom and i needed my moms guidance and help. I asked him 4 months ago to wait until me, my mom, and sis got a job so i wouldnt worry about them when i decided to move to new hampshire and so i could bring sumthing to the table not just expect him to do everything for me but he couldnt wait. Started acting like a jerk again, not callin or checking on his daughter or me, and look now God blessed me with a great temp job. I could save up money, now he doesnt have a job and i couldve moved after my temp job is over at the end of September. But noooooo, he wanted to be a jerk so now things are broken again. He calls us his family all the time and says he thinks about us but doesnt put action behind it. He wants everything his way or the highway and relationships don't function like that in my book. sorry. I used to feel that he loved me and was in love with me, but not anymore. I hear it with words, but dont feel it with actions.
As Salaamu Alaikum
YES!
.Salam, I'm not Muslim myself but I do have a baby with Muslim man and we aren't married. If you have knowledge of Islam you would know that God is most forgiven even for this sin. And yes you are allowed to marry the Christian women by islam if you both are sorry for your sins and only then you have right to care for the child and teach her Islam. If you don't agree and do not wish to marry you as a father have no right under Islamic law to this women or this child and the women and the child do not have any obligations towards you or any members of your family. The baby needs to follow in her mother foots steps. This is very much miss translated in relationships by many Muslim people who them self do not have great or at times any knowledge of. Islam teaching. I will pass on to you what I have learned and you judeged that for your self... However, if she gave birth to this daughter less than six months after their marriage, then this daughter is born out of an illicit relationship, in which case, she should not be traced back to him, but she should be traced back to her mother as we clarified in Fatwa 84788. If you refer to fatwa you will learn great deal of what you can and can't do. I wish you all the luck and may God guide you. Don't despair God will forgive you but do not give hard time to your partner over this as she deserve all the help and understanding she can get. You must protect her from all. Katie
Hi anybody who wants to know about marriage and children between Muslims and non Muslims should refer to fatwa 84788
What is this fatwa 84788 that you keep talking about?
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Katie,
What is Fatwa 84788 .... I'm pregnant of a Saudi guy and we were together for long time ago, but now we are separate.
I assume Katie that you mean this: Inheritance of an illegitimate child, the purple text? But I don't see that "I do not find any harm..." translates to "It is required...". Did I find the right one?
What will the child be told - that his father does not want to marry the mother but had him and hence is the father? What sort of example are parents like these setting up for their children - both the adults here have had a relationship resulting in pregnancy. They either marry and have the child , live as a complete family and offer love and affection and be good parents or they dont have the child and go their separate ways.
You dont count as a father by paying the bills and visting your kids from time to time - you count as a parent by doing what is best for your children. People who dont understand this should not have kids and spare the innocent beings from a lifetime of self-doubt, misery and struggle . Society still stigmatizes children born out of wedlock and as a therapist I have dealt with some myself. Their pained childhood is often at the root of their problems and afflicts their overall perspective for the rest of their lives .
Charity begins at home and children who are denied this grow up thinking this is the way of the world - nothing could be more unfair to an innocent life than this.
How is it right to break religious beliefs and then say we wont do what is right but will opt to live up to our so called reclaimed religious beliefs after the act so that we can repent? Repentance here includes coercing someone to convert or denying the child the right to a normal life - how can you wish this on any child?
PLEASE REALIZE THAT THIS IS THE LIFE OF ANOTHER PERSON .DONT GIVE SHORTSIGHTED ADVICE WITHOUT REALZING THE IMPACT IT MAY HAVE ON THE FUTURE CHILD AND HIS LIFE.
Wael- How can you argue that the child suffer for his mother's choice? And Islam does allow marriages with Christians , why not avail this in view of the circumstances
and save three lives. Religion should be a tool to empower your choices and help you see the light not commit more sins and twist religious teachings to suit your arguments
Shakila and Eisha, you talk about Christian but you Muslims
aren't any different if nor worst. You hide behind your religion and sing about how perfect Muslims you are but with great hypocrisy.... I know many Muslim man and women who completely lie and disobey their parents and God but are very good hiding behind their back and so they think by putting head scarf on it make you perfect Muslim or attending Isher every Friday make you s Muslim .... Well do you know if you two were such a good Muslims you would never past on judgment to any one but you would try to help. So that make you as bad if not worst because I'm sure you never done wrong in your lives, have you?.. Darling I have a news for you if you were believer and as perfect as you think you will be considerate, understaning etc. We are humans and all of us at times make mistakes big or small. As for Muslim man who has a child with non Muslim women where they not married has got not right to the child or to the mother.... And via versa. So if you are such a devouted Muslims your self you would know that.... As For you Nadia sweet, don't despair... You will learn and find that Muslim man who done wrong will always be seen in Muslim communities as the saint as far as he repent. So please as much you might love this man give your self a big favor with your baby and run as far as you can and let the so call great Muslim women have them because that what they deserve isn't it Shakila and Eisha..?
Salam all. I'm amazed at these conversations.. I respect those speaking in terms. N the others does it really matter if brother murad marries this lady for the sake of the child? Why should he abandon his child when thy innocent child has done nothin wrong? Does the child really deserve not knowing his father, his religion?
I think it's unfair no matter what religion the partner is. I'm born Muslim and I have made mistakes in ma life that I truly repent. I'm 30 weeks Pregnent. Both me and the father onthe child is Muslim. But the funny thing is event my unborn child and I wasn't spared. I have made the biggest mistake and I'll be paying for that in this life and the hereafter. The reason the father of my baby chose not to marry menus because he's Shia and I'm Sunni Muslim. And he doesn't want to hurt his parents by marrying a Sunni. He has committed adultery previously, whether she was Muslim or not is out of question. My child will take on my name and I'll inshaallah give her all the knowledge of the religion.
And yes if the child is born out of wedlock then she must take on her mothers name as well as religion. And the father by sharia law is forbidden any paternal right.
If your going to abandon your child then do not tell me your doing it because you fear that your child will not be allowed into paradise for a son you have committed.
Shakila and eisha DO NOT give judgement or bad mouth some one because you may not be aware of the whole situation. And Allah says if you cannot say anything good about someone then do not say anything at all. If you are the true Muslim you say you are then you should know Allah does not approve of it. People make mistakes but how they fix it and move on from it is what matters.
Ive seen more Muslims (so called devout) do wrong rungs even when they pray, fast and wear a hijab. Those people are the ones who give Muslims a bad name.!!! How could anyone even suggest that you should leave your duties only because she isn't a Muslim?! She's still te mother mod your child!!
I'm sick of hypocrites who make their own rules to suit their needs ...
Hi there, well written... I truly love your words. I my self committed sin by having a baby outside wedlock. I'm not a Muslim but father of my baby is. He is with us but he made a decision to lied to his family about us being married. So now the presure is on me and my baby to become Muslims. My baby has got his name cause I though it was the right thing to do. He isn't practicing -he goes to Friday prayerl but we are lying to all his family because he says if we don't they die or they wipe us off. At times I feel I live like a prisoner but I guess this is my punishment for committing sin. You may ask why don't I marry him but I wanted to when I find out I was expecting but he didn't wanted to. Now he does but I believe it's only so he can look good in front of his parents. Anyone can help.
@ Katie and humble servant, this so called fatwa you are talking about is been made by some schoolers ''based on there own interpretation and understanding of the koran and hadith'' and of course due to human inaccuracy (humans can never be 100% accurate in all things, there must be some errors, deficiencies and mistakes), you often find mistakes, misunderstanding and disagreement among the schoolers. This schoolers are never perfect, only Allah is perfect. And all this schoolers have solemnly agree that if any person should come across any of there fatwa which contradict the saying of Allah/God (ie the koran) or any of the sunnah of the prophet pbuh, that person should throw away their fatwa and follow what the koran or the sunnah says... If you want to give an evidence to defend you situation, you are to bring proove directly from the koran or the sunnah of the prophet.. As you can see, even in the fatwa you a given, the openion of the schoolers has differed... I accept that the child born out of wedlock will bear the mothers name BUT it is not true that they would follow the mother's religion if she is non muslim and even the schoolers agree to this.. And moreover the fatwa you qouted was not talking about inter-faith relationship, it was refering to MUSLIM men and women who engage in premarital sex and as a result a child was conceived. in this case, even if the child decide's to follow the mother's religion, he/she will still be a muslim... IF A CHILD IS BORN OUT OF WEDLOCK, THAT CHILD MUST BE BROUGHT UP MUSLIM IRRESPECTIVE WHETHER IT IS THE FATHER THAT IS MUSLIM OR WHETHER IT IS THE MOTHER... And lastly, that fatwa was refering to 'INHERETANCE' (ie whether the illegal child has rights to inherit his father's property or not when the father is dead)', and the fatwa was not refering to the father not allowed to take care of the child or having full right over the child, or the child having all the other rights over his father apart from the inheritance of his properties when he's dead !!!!!!! Allah hafiz
And Katie, there is nothing to rue about if you child bears his father's name, the fatwa didn't say it is a sin. And we as humans can never make haraam what Allah has not make haraam.. These schoolers are very wise in there choice of words. They only told you child should bear your name as his mother but they didnt say it is harram if him bear others (his fathers) name,, because they are very very concious and afraid of making something into harraam of which Allah has'nt made into harraam (or what allah have not spoken of) .as this might lead them commiting shirk ... And you said there is pressure on you to accept islam, my advice is you shouldnt accept islam because of him. Take your time and study islam and accept it because you are convinced that it is the true religion of God.. Ask him to get you a copy of the koran translated by abdullah yusuf ali or the one by muhsin kahn and one other brother; printed by king fahad complex madina.
Salaaam brothers and sisters... To be very very honest, i can see and understand the reason why some people here are advicing the brother not to marry the non muslim woman., i guess most of the women advicing this man to marry the woman have not forecast and see how this kind of marriage would look like specially when this woman is a devout non muslim,.. There would be a lot of thing that she could be doing (like wearing skimsy dress, drinking alchohol, eating pork etc) of which she would feel is normal for her whilst it is haraam to the man in his religion. Even the way she worship will never be comfortable by him if she's not muslim. Plus the children will not get the sound religion upbring if the mother is non muslim., every one should read carefully all the comments made by wael in this thread and understand what he's saying.. Everyone that get married, deserve the happiness and sweetness in it, the couple should help to motivate each other in matter of the deen and enjoy the beauty of this world and also the pleasure of the hereafter together.. This is what every man yearns for; to have a woman that would stand beside him and give him all sopport in all hardship, a very religious woman who would teach islam to the children etc etc. One cannot achieve this with a non muslim woman.. And as regards to the child, the man can support and take care of him/her even without marrying the mother of the child .. He can take care of the child with help of his mother or his blood sister and this child would recieve best education and brought up islamically whilst still incontact with his biological mother..
Fatwa Of The WeekView By SubjectSelected FatwaEnter QuestionFatwa CenterFatwa
Detail
Root > Women and Family > Women Forbidden in Marriage > Marrying a Zani/Zani
Fatwa No : 83680
Marriage to pregnant from Zina
Fatwa Date : Thul-Qi'dah 9, 1422 / 22-1-2002
Question
If a man a woman commit adultery or fornication and she becomes pregnant, if they marry while she is pregnant is that marriage valid? If not, what should they do now? And what rights does that child have on the man?
Answer
Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the World; and blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.
If one commits Zina (illegal sex) with a woman and she becomes pregnant, then it is forbidden for him to marry her except with two conditions.
First, they both must make sincere repentance.
Second, marrying her is permissible only after she gives birth, since mixing the sperm of marriage with the sperm of Zina is forbidden. The Prophet said: "A pregnant woman will not be copulated with till she gives birth". [Abu Dawood, al-Hakim and he grades it as Sahih] If one marries the woman who became pregnant after having illegal sex with him before giving birth, then the marriage is invalid. Therefore, the marriage contract has to be renewed in the presence of her guardian and two trustworthy witnesses. If they do not renew the marriage contract, then, having sexual intercourse with each other is considered Zina.
As for the child of Zina, it takes its mother's name (only) and inherits from her and if it is a male, he is considered Mahram for her.
However, the child does not have any legal relation with his biological father.
If this man and woman are married according to Sharia, the child would become the man's stepson/or stepdaughter, and the ruling pertaining to stepchildren applies.
Allah knows best.
PrintSend this fatwa to friend
Related Fatwas
He separated from his fiancée after committing Zina with her
He loves a girl who committed Zina with another man
He had sex with her, beats her and wants to marry her
He married a woman whom he had impregnated through Zina
Fatwa No : 84788
Inheritance of an illegitimate child
Fatwa Date : Rajab 1, 1423 / 7-9-2002
Question
Can a bastard child inherit from his father? If no why? Please give me authorities from Qur'an, Sunnah and other relevant Islamic sources.
Answer
Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the World; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.
The child of Zina (who was born outside wedlock) is traced back to his mother's lineage and to her family. The rules of Mahram apply to him in relation to his relatives from the mother's side only. His/her legal Wali is from the mother's side and he inherits from that side which is the only one that inherits from him and to which he is legally linked. So, all other rules concerning fatherhood stem directly from the mother's side. Therefore, the child born outside legal wedlock is not traced back to his father, nor does any of them inherit from the other. This is the most preponderant opinion and it is the opinion of the majority of scholars.
Some scholars, however, believe that he can be traced to his father if the latter accepts him as his son. This is the opinion of Is'haq Ibn Rahawahi , Urwa , Sulaiman Ibn Yasar and Abu Hanifa . Imam Abu Hanifa says: 'I do not find any harm that a man who makes Zina (adultery and fornication) with a woman and she gets pregnant as a result, that this man protects the honor of this woman by marrying her and the child is his' .
Dearest Mohd, I appreciate your views but I am puzzled by one thing. How can any man live with him self to know that they would take a child away from their mother and let them live with him and his mother or sisters. I find that absolutely painful to thing that there are women who live with out their own children because man can just take them away... Doesn't one of the things which Islam teaches that ' mother become 3x before father'. So how is this allowed! Only one know the feeling when you lose a child and no matter what anybody say mothers pain is the greatest off all. Please, brother explain...
Thanks katie for asking,, firstly of all, the question you should ask yourself is in what sense does a mother become 3times the father.... If you permit me to narrate the hadith,, ' there was a man that came to the prophet SAW and ask him; who would i love and respect the most after Allah/God and his massanger SAW?? Then the prophet replied 'YOUR MOTHER', then the man asked the who is next? The prophet replied again 'YOUR MOTHER', the man was curious and asked again after Her then who??, the prophet still replied for the third time 'YOUR MOTHER' !!!! When the man asked for the forth time 'who is next?' then the prophet replied your father..... What this hadith is saying is that 75% of love, respect and companionship of a person should go to the mother. Then only 25% goes to the father.. But this doesnt mean the mother is superior to the father, it was only adressing about the love, respect and care and who would recieve it most btw d father and d mother. And the prophet said 3/4 of the love, care and respect should go to d mother, and 1/3 should go to the father. This is because it is the mother that suffered for the child the most. She took the child in her womb (with all the pain and sufferness) for nine months, breast feed him for two yrs, the child was under her costody and training until he reaches mature etc etc (u know the problems caused by a child since you have one).. Above all the child has to respect both parents very well.... Sister, let me tell you one secrete about devout muslims men and women, (and consider this true to your husband if he is real muslim),, for muslims, the love of Allah comes first b4 anything. a real muslim does not just follow his soul desire, he looks at every thing from the religious angle... For a muslim man (or a woman), the child he/she gave birth to must be raised muslim and this is what the schoolers all agree on, because this is the way of Allah and His massanger .. if the non muslim mother is not willing (or is not able) to take this responsibility, then the muslim father will be very well willing and able to help her.. Consider that the child is both thiers and the father would always want the best for his child.. Also consider that some women do give out there children for adoption to even families they hardly know. Now this does'nt mean that the mother hate her child, the mother had her personal reason for giving out her baby for adoption.. If a child is with his/her father, that does'nt mean the child has cut away from the mother, the mother will always be in touch or in contact with the child any time she wants... The issue is if the mother cannot take care of the child, give him/her the best education and most importantly raise the child islamically with the teaching of islam, so that the child would grow up and become someone who really submit to the will and plan of Allah/GOD, Then the father of the child can very well assist her through himself or his biological mother or blood sister .. At least the child would recieve all the care and love he/she would need in these hands......
Salam Mohd, I love your knowledge and I'm sorry to bower you by asking so many questions. What is your view on couple who isn't married and father is a Muslim and mother Christian. Her responsibilities is to bring her child as Christian and her parents are strongly agree. She took her child gave her baptism and is raising her as Christian and is trying to repent from her sins.. What rights of a mother and father are there than? Please once again could you help?
And katie,, i think there is a difference in your own case, because your are planing to get married to him anyway and possibly you are thinking of converting (or should i say you are contemplating converting).. But in any way, if you finally wish to convert, i would urge you to convert for the right reason. I mean you should accept islam because you believe it is the true religion of God. Islam is a beautiful religion and is based on worshipping the one true God (ie Allah in arabic language) and submitting to HIS will and plans.. I really appreciate you are familiar with some islamic knowledge and you really want to know more about the religion,, you can also shear what you know with us here and also ask any question about islam. We are more than ready to give you the answers or atleast channel you to where you would be answered in detail. May Allah guide you. Ameen
Mohd when a couple divorce , how much right does the mother has any over her kids if she is not financial stable ?
Katie, any answer that would come from me should be based on islamic and moral concept since i believe that's what brought you here, to know the islamic view point of your situation... You see, if you glance through my previous post, you would really understand what am talking about because i made my point very clear.. In islam, a child is really born sinless and he remain sinless (in his childhood) until he come of age (ie until he/she attains maturity or knows what he's doing).. As far as islam is concerned, any child borned, is born a muslim (ie someone who submit to Allah) and remains a muslim. It is his parents or guardians who make him into a non muslim by raising him and teaching him/her christianity or hinduism, or budism or athiesm etc... If your baby where to die now, he/she has died a muslim and he/she is going to jannah/paradise hn heaven without any questioning (since he/she is still a child and has no account of reward or sin yet) So if you take the child to church or baptise the child, that does'nt change anything because that child would always remain a muslim until and unless she/he comes of age and continue following your religion.. So dont think that it is too late for your child .. Even you katie, it is never too late for if you are still alive., your parents should not be the one to decide your religion for you or your child. This is a matter btw you and your creator (GOD/ALLAH).
Trueblood, when a married couple got divorced, islamically the father has legal right ''over the child'' more than the mother.. Even if the mother is financially capable of taking care of the child, the father can choose to hold his child if he so wishes and the decision remain final.. But this does'nt mean the mother has no right over her child or the child will be cut away from the mother.. Only that the father has more parental rights as compared to the mother when couples are married.. .. In this case the child would bear the fathers name and the child has full right of inheritance to the father's property.. But the situation changes if the couples are not married, the mother has more right than the father. However the mother has NO RIGHT OVER THE CHILD'S RELIGION IF SHE IS NON MUSLIM. The issue is if she cannot raise the baby a muslim with proper islamic teaching (which is obvious that most non muslim cannot) , take care of him/her and give the child best education,, then it is now mandatory on the father to very well help her in doing that by holding the baby... If the mother can raise the child islamically with islamic teachings (which is obvious that only muslim women and only few non muslim women [if not none] can do this), then the child remains with the mother and the father must be supporting her financially or otherwise so that the child would recieve best care, love and education... ALLAH IS THE ALL-KNOWER AND HE KNOWS BEST
Salam, do you refer to laws in Islamic states or English laws... They are different.
I want to make sure I'm understanding correctly. Is it okay to neglect the child who is born to a non muslim woman?
Porsha, of course it's not okay. Did you read any of the responses? In the very first response, I wrote,
"Of course you will always have an obligation to care for your child. You must contribute to the child's financial support, and you should have shared custody of the child so you teach him/her about Islam and raise him as a practicing Muslim, Insha'Allah. Give that child the benefit of the wisdom you have acquired and the difficult lessons you have learned in life."
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asalaamu Alaikum I have a question...I converted to islam two years ago alhamdullilah and I have a son who's 7years old,I want to raise him in Islam but he wasn't born muslim so my question is at what age should I take him to take shahada? Insha allahallah
Salaams,
In my view shahadah is not something one does at a certain age. Shahadah is something someone does when they 1. Are old enough to understand the things they are saying they believe, meaning all of core beliefs of Islam (ie: belief in angels/jinn, qadr, day of judgment etc). 2. They must be old enough to practice with some degree of conviction all of the basic aspects of Islam (salah, fasting, avoiding haraam etc). 3. Mean it from their heart, without outside coercion or expectation.
If I were you, I would just raise your son by teaching him about the principles of Islam and its practices. Invite him to pray with you at times, and maybe during ramadan he can skip a meal or fast part of the day if he's interested. If he's resistant, I would suggest going slower. In time, your influence and education will cause him to earnestly take shahadah when it's something he is convicted about from the heart in shaa Allah.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I'm humbled by all the positive comments on this blog.I commend the initiator and everyone alike.Even though I try by all means to keep myself informed about Islamic teachings,I needed to hear this kinda advice especially when I'm Christian who really made big mistakes and paying for them.At times I feel so alone and hopeless but after reading this and realizing that there are indeed other Christian and than one Muslim woman in my situation,I know I'm going to make it with or without his help.For now I'm just praying for forgiveness,taking good care of myself and deliver in few weeks then move on.I know it's not gonna be easy though but God will see us through.Thanks a lot guys,stay blessed!
Can your kids inherit your wealth from none Muslim wife or are these kids legitimate.