I have been married for six months and have children from a previous marriage. My husband is overseas and I'm in America. I only stayed with him for a little less than a month after we got married. I was diagnosed with what they call "Black Magic" after I got married to him.

When I came back to America I have been told he is speaking with another female. He had been doing this ever since I left the country. Recently I recieved a call from a female over seas that confirmed he had intercourse with her. She even recorded it and of course let me hear it. Is it right for me to ask for a divorce since we have been having problems since our marriage??

~ Sister

Assalamalaikum,

There's a friend of mine, she has no brother and sisters.. It was getting bored at home for her, so she used pics from internet to act like she's the real person on the pic, and people start believing it.. she has played with 3 boys heart.. she had an internet relationship with them but not at the same time and it was just for fun and it wasn't a relationship for her, somehow she ended everything without telling the truth and asked Allah swt forgiveness everytime she reminds her what she had been doing!

Now she had felt in love for a boy but she want everything in Halal way, they have been talking, the boy showed intrest in her, but somehow without a reason he took distance.. and it's killing her!!!!

She's cries every night before going to sleep, she's in depression! She can't even sleep anymore.. Is Allah swt giving her punishment for all she did? How can she ask forgiveness in a good way.. Is there any dua for forgiveness? She said she has a feeling that this is happening to her because of what she has done to people..

What can she do to make it all good for Allah swt? And she stopped using pics and being fake on the internet.. Is that a big sin what she did?

Walaikum Assalaam,

~Khirad

My wife in 2011 became a very angry and abusive towards me, and a few discussions with her parents did little to resolve the issues. She kept on falling out with me accusing me of things like affairs etc and became very paranoid.

In the end she made false allegations of GBH, but I was refused charge. I left the matromonial house, and have been seperated for three months and the english divorce proceedings are in process.

However, even after three months I am still in love with my wife, but my brain tells me there is no way back as next time she and her family will ensure they make some allegations stick and ruin my life. I am struggling to reconcile my emotions with the divorce and miss my wife to the extent that I am unable to get her  of my system.  I cannot stop thinking about her all the time everyday.

I am getting confused in how to move forward, my family and everyone tell me it has finished and I will not be able to trust my wife again as she continously lied during the break up period to the point where she started believing her own lies.  I sill have strong feelings towards her and no anger.

Some advice would be much appreciated.

~tjav

Salam,

I’m a 30-year-old woman with a 2-year-old child and inshallah 1 on the way.  I’ve been married for almost 3 years now and living with my in-laws.

My husband worked in the first year and then stopped working due to a lack of work from his employers. He never bothered and tried to look for work after that. My father-in-law sold his business and gambled most of the money. So they were also left with no income.

I help pay for rent with the money I get for my child and me. I do shopping for the house. I help cook. I clean and do what a wife should do. My husband fights with me due to having no money from either his parents or me. I tell him to go look for work and that he has to do something. He will then yell at me and tell me to stop whining. My in laws always get involved in our fights.

My father in law has kicked me out of the house with my son. And so has my husband. My father in law always says I never put money in the house (which I do).  I also help with bills. That’s all from my government money. I sometimes cry because of the way they treat me.

My husband likes to yell at me in front of his parents. I’ve tried so many times to speak nicely to them all and it just seems to go through one ear out the other. Also when I pray to Allah (swt) my father in law will tell me that my prayers are not accepted because I’m doing it wrong (mind you my father in law doesn't pray). And other times me and my husband will argue and then he will hit me and swear at my family and tell me to go back to my parent’s house which I did.

Then my father in law wanted to divorce us with out even asking my husband or me. He told my dad that he doesn't want me anymore. Then my husband ended up coming to me and saying sorry.

The whole point of this story is that I can’t take it anymore and I don't know what else to do. Because it always seems that I’m wrong in their eyes. I think I have been patient enough. I’ve never disrespected my in laws. And I hate the way they treat me. I tried to tell my husband that he should work and we should save and move into our own place and all he does is ignore me.

I can go on and on but that's just some of the things I put up with.

Please give me advice of what I should do?

~Jana

My brother, who is the oldest and is Mashallah set up financially, says he will not marry until at least one girl from the family gets married first. This is silly because they are following the old Pakistani culture and want me and my sisters to get married first even though two of us are still studying and are not mentally prepared for marriage.

Since my older sister (who is the second child) still hasn't married they are now intent on marrying me off first even though I don't feel anything for the guy. He has a good personality and is ok looking but I still don't feel anything, I felt empty when I met his family even though they looked like nice people, I just couldn't wait till they left. I know my family wants me to marry him because he is well off financially and doesn't have a huge family, which I know is ideal, but I clearly told them I'm not interested and they don't care. They're only concerned about how this will make things easier for my mum who is a single parent (separated). What they don't realisee is that I may end up unhappy for the rest of my life if I say yes.

I've never said this to my mum but if she herself had spoken up to her father and said she wanted to meet my dad before she married him then they probably wouldn't have gotten married in the first place because in her heart she would have felt that their personalities were total opposites (because of this they are no longer together). In my heart I know how I feel and I can't just say yes because of the money he makes or because his family is nice, I believe I have to feel something first and I can't just think about myself but about the guys family too because this isn't fair on them either. I don't want to lead this family on and Inshallah this guy will find another Muslim girl who is better than me.

I've done tauba and prayed for not being attracted to him even though he has everything but I feel all that will not make me happy. For some reason I'm always unhappy with my life though I'm always greatful for everything I have been given in life Alhamdulillah. Overall it just seems I'm not ready for marriage at all. I've now realised that as a teenager I was following the 'no dating' rule not just because of islam but because deep down never wanted to be in a relationship. I would probably want to wait another 2-3 years before I get married.

My family doesn't treat me nicely even though I haven't done things to shame the family, if anything in other people's eyes I've always been the girl who never does wrong Alhamdulillah. It's gotten to the point where I don't even sit in the same room as my family anymore, my younger sister feels this way too. If I ever go against anything my mum wants me to do then she threatens to kick me out which means I would have to go live with my dad, he would take me in but I've lost my attachment with him and he is not a religious man.

I just pray that Inshallah this guy will find a better girl than me who is right for him because Mashallah he has done really well for himself. I haven't talked to the guy personally yet but I have seen his personality but for some reason I still don't fell anything even though there is nothing bad about him. This guy isn't exactly religious but I would say he's inbetween.

Even though I don't date or flirt with guys I have met a guy online; the way you would meet on singlemuslim.com. I don't talk to him regularly but I have known him for a while now and he seems like a great Muslim guy. I wouldn't just go off and meet him because that's stupid and dangerous, I would want to tell my family about him first. The only reason I'm considering this is because I am in a difficult position at the moment and would rather marry someone I've already talked to and gotten to know than marry someone I have no feelings for.

My question is, what if after speaking to this guy I still don't have any feelings for him? I'm pretty sure I'm going to be kicked out of the house if I say no as my mum has already done that with one of my sisters (not over marriage but over another silly reason). Is their any dua I can read to help me with my situation? Would it be bad for me to tell the guy I'm not interested in him if my family pushes me to marry him? Sometimes my mum talks to me nicely about this whole situation (as if she's not forcing me to do anything) and says I won't know how the guy is until I properly get to know him but I know deep down she would want me to say yes if she liked him and I didn't. She would hold my 'no' over my head for the rest of my life. I've done istikhara for the past 3 days but there's no change in how I feel nor have I seen a dream so inshallah I will keep trying until I see something that indicates whether I should or should not make an effort to get to know this family.

Also, since my dad is separated from my mum, how much of a say does he have when it comes to marrying off the daughters? My mum doesn't even like sitting in the same room as him.

 ~Fabbiano

Asalamalaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh...

I’m 18 years old. And I’m studying an alimah course and I’m currently in my second year. And I want to get married however I’m not exactly sure how to go about it.

I’m really lonely and have no one to talk to about my problems and sometimes feel quiet down and upset. I’m a teacher and an artist and Allah has given me the ability to be good at anything I put my mind to. I want to marry an Indian who's an alim who's practicing and has a decent beard lol.

I don't care what he looks like. I've been told you know be patient and stuff. And I’m not sure what to do, I want to ask my parents to actually start looking for me but I don’t know how to. I want to ask my teacher but I’m afraid of her.

I've often been told that I've got poor self esteem and people actually do walk over me that's due to my upbringing. During my jahiliya days I was in a relationship for 3 yrs. and it was very upsetting and I got physically ill and mentally hurt. And I just want to get over it.

Please I just need some advice I really just want to get married and forget about my past and lead an obedient life.

Jakhallah hu khairan may Allah accept all your dua for helping a young sister.

~Zoya2K8

I had sex with a married women. What should I do now? Do I have to tell everything to her husband, ask for forgiveness or just I have to ask Allah to forgive and keep this as a secret to her husband?

Please help me.

- mundu

I am 24 years old and have a 2 year and 7 months old daughter. My husband was a catholic but converted himself to islam to marry me. Though my family was against our marriage later they were fine with it. three months after marriage I found out that he was a drug addict. He never could do a job for more than few weeks and he would mentally torture me asking for money. I loved him truly and honestly and went through a lot of humiliation and pain because of his addiction. I had to borrow money from people I know to pay his debts. He pawned everything he could to get money for his drugs.

It was his parents who financially supported us and there were always physical fights and between him and his father because he used to steal things and money. Several times he was taken for treatments and though he promised never to go back to it it was always lies. He continuously tortured me mentally asking for money and making me borrow from everyone I knew. I once took the medicine he was using and was not in my usual senses for days. I cut my hand, burnt myself with his cigarettes and fell on his feet begging him to stop. I said we will go somewhere far away and live if he wants to if being in the city is dragging him towards it.

He even was in a rehab center for one and a half months but he never stopped. I threatened him with divorce but although he always cried and asked me to forgive and give him another chance, he never changed. Once I even went looking for the place where they sold these drugs and cried and begged them not to sell these stuff its ruining my whole life. After sometime they had left the place. During this time I got pregnant and came to be with my mum as I was suffering with morning sickness for all of the 9 months. even during this time his mental torture did not cease. When my baby turned 4 1/2 months I decided to find myself a job because my in laws who were supporting us were in the attitude of I have to take care of him no matter what his behavior was as they were supporting me. I stopped every help I received and did my job.

I always completed my duties as a wife and always tried to help him get over it. I begged him to find a job and take care of me and my daughter because I did not want to work. I wanted to be a house wife and take care of my family. But he only ignored me and said he was trying. In this stage my mum and brothers were begging me to divorce him that they will take care of me and my child. But I loved my husband more than anything and I could not think of a life without him. I wanted him to be a good father to my daughter and for us to have a have a happy family. But things got bad to worse.

He had stolen things from a neighbors house and was remanded and then beaten by the police and I had to look after him as he was wounded. At this stage life was so hard because my baby refused to take anything else other than my milk. I filled bottles of my milk in the mornings before i left to work and was having a terrible time there too. when i come home as i set foot after 08 hours work and crushed in heavily crowded buses after office hours my mum will show me the bottles with the untouched milk as the baby had refused to take them in. I will bathe and nurse my baby till the next day morning without any sleep.

At this stage my father in law threatened me that he will take away my child if i dont take good care of his son. This is when I decided to go ahead with the divorce. I got separated from him and during this period he and his family begged me and promised me they will make him a good man and will give me back the husband i want and the father I wanted for my daughter. But my mother and brother who were suffering seeing me suffer made me firm in my decision.

Although I loved him I had no choice as I felt someday I will have only Allah and my family with me. When I refused to listen to him and when I refused to see him he feared that this time things were not easy for him and somehow his family and friends got him into the rehab for one year. During this time I got my fasah divorce. I was taking care of my daughter with my job and I thought I got over my husband and was able to forget him. But when he returned from the rehab he wanted to meet me to confess and give promises to take care of me and my child. But I never met him nor did I have any kind of communication with him. The time he was allowed to see my daughter while I was away my daughter who knew that everyone had a dad was thrilled to know she had a dad too and she wanted his love.

She was overwhelmed and happy with his presence. I realized then that I still love him too and a great urge to see him and talk to him was emerging. But I am still able to control myself. He has fallen on the feet of my brother and pleaded with him to give him another chance to make up for all what I went through. My whole family says no. That I am already divorced and there is no more chances. They are planning to give me in marriage again soon. But now deep inside I feel that I should give him another chance. But my mum says no way. They will find a good husband for me insha allah who will be a good husband as well as a good father. But I highly doubt that. Who ever it be will never be able to fulfill the love of a father.

I don't want to go through another turmoil in my life. My daughter needs her father and now I am having second thoughts about the divorce. I dont know if divorcing him was the right decision I took and now how can I build up my future with my daughter?? I have no faith in a marriage to another person. But I have to be obedient to my family too. They ask me what guarantee I have that he will not go back to drugs and torture me the same way again. I am now in a state of depression. I have ruined my whole life and now my little daughter also is a victim.

What do I do now?? Please advise me. I am crying even while I am typing.

~Worried

Assalamu alaykum,

I'm sorry before hand that its really long but I could do with some advice on a number of situations.

I'm a 19 year old Pakistani girl living at home with my parents and three brothers, I will try and start from life as I was small.

My mum, dad and me are born in Pakistan but my dad has lived in England most his life wheres as my mum has not. After they got married and had me they moved to England. My mum's life in pakistan with the inlaws was terrible. But my dad being brain washed by his parents turned worse when he came to England, as would physically and mentally abuse my mother which led to her depression after my youngest brother.

When my youngest brother was couple of months old, my mum was 26 and was forced by my dad to have the operation to stop having babies. He thought 4 children were enough. After beatings and arguments my mum went ahead. In year 5, I was approached by a girl who told me she knew my dad, he was a taxi driever and that he had another wife and child. At the time I laughed and thought she was crazy even at my young age but she was adament it was true. I told my mum straright away and I was later in the week approached by my dad who said yes it was true. My mum had known and people on our street also knew as the place we lived is small.

My aunties and uncles would approach me to ask me details on the other sibling etc and I wouldnt know much of it so they were agitated most of the time. Then he had another boy with the women.  Later my mum told me how she it was a girlfriend not a wife. He would sleep at the woman's house up to a week but my mum never left. As I got older I would stand in between the arguments so that he would not touch her, or if he did, I would pull him off her while balling my eyes out. As my brothers who are teenagers also got bigger they would also help me out. We wouldnt ever talk to my dad unless spoken to, but then I would hate myself for feeling sorry for him as he was on his own.

He would bring my stepbrothers home to visit us and my treated them lovingly as they were their own children. Now I know everything and have helped my mum to not take the crap. My mum has become stronger and she says she will leave if anything else takes place as my dad knows we take my mum's side as shes brought us up. My dad has always seemed a stranger.

My dad recently said he's going to bring my step brothers to live with us permanantely. My mum is distraught as my dad has not asked her but approached us children first for some reason, my mum has no say in anything. I hate my dad so much at times that I will scream at my mum to leave and then feel disgusted at what I did. On top of this my brothers seem to have become so aggressive that they have ended up calling me wh***, sl**, b**** etc. My brother who is one year younger than me has punched me and beat my other two brothers so badly, told my mum to shut the f*** up.

I really don't know if I can handle it any more. I have thought about running away, even commiting suicide because tension in my house goes so bad with my brothers that my mum will start crying and wishing upon death. I have no confidence left, college isn't going well and my brothers have stopped listening to my mum.

Please help me on what should I do with my dad. My brothers and my mum, we have no life, its all just arguments one after the other and with my dad total silence. And I don't think I can take it. I stay up to hours in my room crying and thinking how shall I handle things as my mum looks to me for advice and help and I'm stuck. I've been brought up so dependent on others due to being so protected that I can't take the next step forward, as I always stop and think how it will affect my mum.

I don't know how to handle the situations on my dad's girlfriend and kids, my mum becoming depressed and my brothers becoming like my dad!

~Shamila-a

Asselaam Aleykum my brothers and sisters.

I am a 19-year-old Muslima. Alhamdulillah I pray and thank Allah for everything I have. The last two years there has been a lot of stress in my life. Alhamdulillah Allah gave me patience and I am sure Allah has the best for me.

My problem is that I keep failing the same class, however I really try to study hard.

I failed twice and this time I am doing my last year for the third time and I do study, but I fail again. What should I do? I love Allah and really have the patience. But I want to succeed too. In this life and in the hereafter insha'Allah.

I thank Allah for everything really. I was in a depression for a very long time. And only the zikr of Allah showed me the light.

I REALLY REALLY WANT to succeed

Can you please advise me?

May Allah bless you all and give you success in this world AND the hereafter Insha’Allah.

~Jalparri