I feel like ending my life! What should I do?
After 6 years, he messaged me on facebook and thats how we started knowing each other. One day he insisted to meet me, so I meet him with my friends at my college. I just got to know from my mum that his mum gave a proposal to me, on the night before meeting him. I was shocked and wanted to tell him not to meet me but it was too late. Instead, I told my friends.
After few days, I told him that I can't meet him anymore because of such event. He said that he doesn't know about it and apolozied for what his mum has done. I said still I can't and avoided his call.
One day, he called me and said that nothing will change between us even if we talk or don't (ie friendship). After few days of meeting and chatting, he declared and sweared in the name of God and his mother that he loves me and can't live without me. After rejecting several times his offer to become his gf before getting married to him, one day he cried a lot and begged me not to leave him.
He said how his family struggle to come to the state they are in now and so on. He said if I leave him he will sad forever and will never talk to me. I told him that I don't wanted to lose his friendship but I still used to talk to him whenever he called me.
Slowly and slowly I felt some feelings for him and went out with him as he promised not to leave in the name of God and his mother. One day, he asked me to show him my new house. After showing him my new house, he pulled me and was trying to open my clothes. When I pushed him and was trying to run away from him, he was pulling me. Wherever I was going, he was blocking my way, pulled me forcefully and pushed me onto the bed. I was crying and saying to stop but he didn't. We finally had sex. After that I bled. On his way home, he called me up and said " You are so innocent...anyone can use you!". Since then I was shocked, afraid and was crying a lot.
After the event, he stopped calling me like he used to do and whenever I used to call him and ask why, he used tell me that he was busy. He didn't even ask me once how was I feeling? After all it was my first sex which he knows it very well. After few months, he used to call me every wednesday to ask me to meet him on thursday. Everytime before meeting him, he used to promise me that he won't have sex with me but whenever we used to meet he always does even if I don't want to. If I don't want to, he either used to be sad and keep quiet or say" I have the right!".
Recently, I found out that he is getting married with someone else. When I called him, he said that his parents are not ready to listen to him. If he says about me, they will die because it seems that his mum hates my mum as she got to know that my parents told something bad his parents which he says he got it from 3 sources. I completely denied it because I know that my parents will never do so.
I was so depressed and sick that I consulted a physician and she said that I am under acute depression and anxiety. I couldn't even tell her why because my mum was infront.
Finally, on his wedding day, I cried and told my dad everything (except for the illicit stuff). He became shocked and depressed. I asked to forgive me for whatever I did and to help me recover from such terrible event. He agreed and said to forget that guy as he never deserved me. Few days after his wedding, I told my mum about what he said and asked her whether she said anything wrong about his mum. My parents said they didn't say anything bad neither about him nor his mum. Finally, my mum spoke to one her friend, who name was given from 1 of those 3 sources. The aunt sweared that she didn't say anything to his mum not even spoke to his mum either. When the aunt called him and asked about the event. The guy told everything ( whatever I shared with him about our family matters) and said that he didn't say anything to me that my parents told something bad about his mum nor he took the aunt's name!
When the aunt asked about what he said about my father, he said that my father can't say anything as he doesn't stay over here the most. This is MY SENTENCE!!! He used my sentence to claim me wrong!! He even said his sister was there when he speaking with me. His sister also said that I told him all these!!!
When my mum told me this I was shocked to death!!! I couldn't believe my ears! Then what was his reason to leave me?! I can't forget all these...how will I lead a normal life...how can i forget such an event!!! How can he tell such LIES!!! God is watching...He is the only witness I have...what will I do??? Why isnt He doing anything??? How will I live?!!! Why did he do this with me!!! I feel like dying!!! I can't tell lie to my future husband because I am not good at lying at all! Even if I lie he will get to know one day and that day will the most miserable day of my life!!!
I never wanted to have sex before my marriage......!!!!!! I wanted to keep this as a gift of God for my husband!!! Now I don't have anything to give and share!!! I hate myself!!! HOW COULD I DO SUCH MISTAKES!!! I HATE MYSELF!!!
I want to die!!!
Please Help ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!
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