Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My fiance is uncertain if he wants to marry me.

Frustrated man

Assalamu alekom dear brothers and sisters.

May allah have His blessings on us, and inshallah we never lose the right path. I am not very good at english, but I will try my best to write down one problem that I have. I am a sister, and this year I will be 19. I was engaged to a man of my own choice when I was 17 years old.

Now, we want to get married, but my parents want me to finish school first wait until after ramadan. I also want to wait until  after school and Ramadan, but my fiance wants to get married now. My fiance says if we do not marry now, we will never do it and I'm afraid we'll go our separate ways. We do not come from the same country and we have different cultures. My family wants a fancy wedding, but he does not want a wedding. I love this man very much, but he has become very uncertain about our marriage and does not know anymore if he wants to marry me.

We had intimate moments, and he is the first man. I always want to be with him and according to him, we are already married because we had the intention when we got engaged. I do not know what to do. My husband and dad do not get along and it feels like he does not want marriage anymore. He feels insecure and wants me to say that to my dad. My dad does not know if he wants to marry me off to him. Do you think my fiancé is uncertain because we have been intimate? What should I do to avoid going our separate ways? Should I tell my father that he is uncertain?


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5 Responses »

  1. You did not wait to have 'intimate" moments, why wait for marriage.

  2. Asalmualikum,

    SVS, Good Point But
    I suggest you finish your school and Ramadan before you marry, InshAllah During Ramadan you can make dua for Allah to guide you towards the right Path. And If its meant to be It will be by the Grace of Allah.

    good Luck,
    sam

  3. ASSLAMALAIKUM
    IN ISLAM IT IS NOT ALLOWED TO DO EVEN CORRESPONDENCE AS THIS WILL BE SAFETY MEASURE FOR YOU BUT YOU SHELVED IT AND 1ST YOU SHOULDNT HAVE GONE FOR INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP THIS BRINGS TROUBLE BECAUSE YOU LOOSE RESPECT WITH THE MAN YOU WANT TO MARRY-
    Moreover, these illicit relationships that take place before marriage will be a cause to make each party doubtful about the other.
    The husband will think that his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with someone else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he will still be troubled by the fact that his wife did do something wrong with him.
    And the same thoughts may occur to the wife too, and she will think that her husband could possibly have an affair with another woman, and even if she thinks it unlikely, she will still be troubled by the fact that her husband did something wrong with her.
    So each partner will live in a state of doubt and suspicion, which will ruin their relationship sooner or later.
    SEEING THE CHANGING MIND OF THIS PERSON TELL YR DAD THE TRUTH SO THAT WITH HIS EXPERIENCE HE MIGHT TAKE THE MATTER SERIOUSLY AND DO THE NEEDFUL-
    IF YOU KEEP QUITE HE WILL MOVE AWAY MORE FAR FROM YOU AND FINALLY YOU WILL IN TENSION WHICH WILL HARD TO HANDLE DUE TO DELAY IN HANDLING NOW-
    REGARDS

  4. Assalam alaikum Sister,

    I would suggest that you have a simple Nikah Ceremony and it is possible to have a much more elaborate Wedding party later. Of course, this is dependent on what your father says as he is your Wali.

    Other than that, you should cease all private contact with your fiancé. You should make tawbah for the intimate times as this is strictly not allowed. You need to understand that Allah has a law that stamps out any of what we may perceive. You wrote:

    My husband and dad do not get along and it feels like he does not want marriage anymore.

    First of all, your fiancé is not your husband no matter what he thinks or you think. Second of all, if he was your husband, how could he not consider your marriage - Sister your thinking is flawed and it is getting the better of you. Please be clear that what you have done is a transgression. I really do worry about what you wrote because it sounds like your fiancé can't make his mind up about marrying you--therefore, it seems that your father is right about him.

    Listen to your father. Stop personal / private contact with a man that is just a non-Mahram to you. May Allah bless you with a wonderful marriage when the time is right, inn shaa Allah, Ameen.

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